The Facts of Life (1979–1988): Season 2, Episode 12 - The Secret - full transcript

♪♪ [Humming]

♪ You take the good
You take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growing
Now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪



♪ You ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪

[Sniffing]

Mrs. Garrett, you
will not believe this,

but I have done it again.

What have you done again, Blair?

Thanks to me, Jo has won the
annual Best New Student award.

Thanks to her.

You've come a long way, baby.

Oh, congratulations,
Jo. I'm so proud of you.



What about me? I'm her mentor.

I took a raw piece of marble
and sculpted a masterpiece.

I'd like to tell her what
she can do with her chisel.

See? Just bubbling
over with clever repartee.

Before I gave her polish, she would
have simply grunted and punched me out.

Good habits are hard
to break. [Laughs]

- [Blair] See you later.
- Tootie! I see my package!

Will you just give it
to me? Natalie, stay!

Now just wait till I
get my own letter.

Would you... Will you stop?

Careful, Natalie. Touching a
mail monitor is a federal offense.

I'll take my chances.

I need this book to help me
finish my report for English Lit.

Oh? "The Films of
the Three Stooges"?

My report is called
"Why We Laugh."

Oh, what a fun subject.

Comedy is not fun, Mrs. Garrett.

Of course not. It's a science.

Curly, Larry and Moe
had to think very carefully...

before they decided
on a face slap.

Uuh! An eye gouge.

Ooh! Or a nose twist.

Aah!

That is nothing to laugh at.

[Laughing]

Natalie really breaks me up.

She can be as funny
as a rubber chicken.

- That's awful.
- Well, I know
it's not one of my best.

What's the matter, honey?
Bad news from home?

No. This isn't my letter. I opened
Jo's by mistake. It's from her father.

- Oh, well,
Jo will understand.
- No, she won't.

- 'Cause she told everybody
her father lives in Miami.
- I know.

But he really lives in
the state slammer. What?

Prison?

No wonder Jo didn't wanna
see Escape from Alcatraz.

That poor kid... trying
to keep a secret like that.

Hold on, Tootie. We'll figure
something out. I already did.

Jo's letter got
lost in the mail,

and it's about to get
flushed out to sea.

Forget it. Tootie,
that would be a lie.

But Jo's gonna think I
snooped on purpose.

You know my reputation.

Yes. You've earned it.

Look, I'll talk to Jo
and explain everything.

In the meantime, zip's the word.

[Chattering]

Hi. Hi, Tootie.

We're deciding on a hairstyle for
Jo when she accepts her award.

How about the Nancy Reagan coif?

Forget it! I don't wanna look
like someone put starch in my bra.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How
about the Barbra Streisand look?

We could frizz your
hair and break your nose.

Who cares about hair?

It's what I say
that's important.

Absolutely right.

And I've written a
few words for you...

If you don't mind.

"A person doesn't do this alone.

"There's always an inspiration,

a wonderful and multitalented
inspiration which"...

Look. I'm doin' this my own way.

This award never
coulda happened...

without the help of my mother,

who couldn't be here tonight
'cause she threw her back out.

And there's one other person.

- Your father.
- No.

- Who then?
- Mrs. Garrett.

Without her, I wouldn't have stuck
around long enough to achieve anything.

Thanks a lot. That's it.

Hi, gang. [Girls]
Hi, Mrs. Garrett.

Could I talk to you for a minute,
Jo? Sure, Mrs. G. Go ahead.

Well, it's, uh, kinda between
you and me. Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm. What kinda
trouble am I in now?

I don't know. Don't ask
me. Was she askin' me?

Well, it-it's
really nothing, Jo.

Well, uh,

- I think I'll go rinse out
a few things.
- Your shoes?

Well, there are
socks inside. Bye.

Come on, Natalie. Let's go.

So, what's the big deal
here? [Door Closes]

Uh, this letter came for you.
It was opened by mistake.

Oh. [Scoffs] Is that all? You know
how a lot of envelopes look alike.

And when your mind's
on something else... Oh!

It's so easy to mix 'em up.

This was opened by mistake, huh?

Yes.

So you know about my father.

Well, it coulda
been a lot worse.

Coulda been Tootie.

She wouldn't have been able to
keep her mouth shut with Krazy Glue.

[Forced Laugh]

Or it coulda been Blair.

She treats me like one
of the boat people as it is.

Jo, don't sell your
friends short. You're right.

Some father I got... a jailbird.

Well, I'll leave you alone
so you can read your letter.

I don't have to read it. I
already know what he wants...

For me to visit
him on his birthday.

He'll be 40 this
Saturday. Big deal.

As I recall, it is a big deal.

He writes me all the time... asking
me to understand, to be forgiving.

And how do you
answer him? I don't.

Oh? Not a word?

Look, I don't owe
my father a thing.

When I was 12, he
walked out on Mom and me.

We didn't hear from him for years,
and then we find out he's in jail.

He broke into the warehouse where he works
and ripped off a bunch of typewriters.

I see. It's okay.

It's been so long, I don't
even miss him anymore.

Sounds like your dad
made a lot of big mistakes.

But it also sounds
like he loves you.

Love isn't writing phony
letters. It's what you do.

[Scoffs] Boy, there are a few
things I'd like to say to him.

Now that I'm older,
I know better words.

Why don't you use
'em? Go see him.

- Hey, gimme a break!
- You have a choice.

You can eat yourself up
inside about your father...

or face up to him... have
it out once and for all.

Just like that, huh?

Even if I wanted to, how would I get
there? The prison's up near Albany.

[Snaps Fingers] You're in luck.

It just so happens I have
to go to Albany on Saturday.

Oh, yeah? Why?

Why?

I need some vanilla.

Albany is famous
for their vanilla.

Oh, sure. People
come from miles away.

Miles and miles.

How about it?

I'll get my vanilla, and you
can get a load off your mind.

[Sighing] Oh, I don't know.

I haven't seen him in so long.

- Then it's time.
- You're right.

I'm gonna get him out
of my life once and for all.

Hi, honey. Hi.

This is weird. I coulda
called you from school.

Thanks for coming. You got gray.

Yeah. I forgot to use
my Grecian Formula.

Jo, you're beautiful.

It's like looking
at your mother.

You didn't even go
through an awkward stage.

Yeah, I did. You just
weren't around to see it.

And listen, don't just try to
pick up like nothin' happened.

I got plenty to say to you. I don't
blame you. I been a lousy father.

That doesn't begin to cover it.

I know. I lied to you. I
made you ashamed of me.

I struck out in everything
a father's supposed to be.

How am I doing? Better.

Hey, come on. That's
all ancient history.

Tell me about you. I know
you're doing great at that school.

How'd you find out? You
didn't call the school, did you?

Don't worry. I wrote to
your mom. She told me.

[Sighs] It's goin' okay.

I met some really
nice girls there.

You mean Blair,
Natalie and Tootie?

- Yeah.
- I don't suppose
you told 'em about me?

Are you kidding?

Right.

Oh, listen. I graduated
from high school in here.

They mailed me a real diploma.

You got a diploma in jail?

Yeah. Jo, I've changed.

I'm going into business when I
get out of here... the stock market.

The stock market? Yeah.

I even got them to subscribe
to the Wall Street Journal.

You see, what I do is
I research companies,

and I dope out what
their stock will do.

Uh-huh?

Of course, with a felony
record, I can't be a broker.

But I can be an
analyzer or something.

Yeah. You got a better
line of bull than Merrill Lynch.

Don't worry. I'm starting
at the bottom this time.

I'm gonna take it
slow and steady,

like you did at school winning
that Best New Student award.

You found out about that?

You don't do bad for a shut-in.

Jo, all I'm asking you
to do is forgive me.

Can we start again... clean?

Same old song.

Hey, gimme a break.

How am I gonna
make it out there if...

If my own daughter won't
even give me another chance?

Hello?

Hello? Yoo-hoo? You still there?

Yeah.

Sounds like you kinda
done a turnaround.

And like you say,
it is ancient history.

Then can we be
friends? Sure, sure.

I gotta get goin'. Mrs.
Garrett's waitin' outside.

I'm gonna hang up now. Bye.

Just one more thing. I
owe ya money for overtime?

No. No.

I'd like to come up to your school
when they give you that award.

You mean break out?

It's all right. I'm
getting paroled.

I had to see how you felt about
me getting back into your life again.

What do you say?

I don't believe it. I go up
to the prison to tell him off...

and end up with him comin' here.

Jo, nobody's gonna
find out about anything.

Right. 'Cause I'll be next to him
every minute doin' all the talkin'.

Kinda like the Muppets,
huh? [Clicks Tongue]

Your father just called from
the administration building.

- He's here.
- Oh, he's in
from Miami already?

I'll go down and
meet him. By the way,

I found out a secret
Jo's been hiding from us.

Blair, why don't you
just keep it a secret?

- I don't wanna hear it.
- You don't wanna hear it?

Huh! But it's just too
delicious. [Snickering]

Jo is really... Joanna Marie.

[Laughing]

Yeah, that's what my
dad calls me sometimes.

Isn't that a hoot?
But nobody else.

I prefer "Jo" myself.

Hey, Jo. Look
who I found outside.

Hi. Hi.

Um, this is my
father, everybody.

From Miami.

Wow. What a tan.

This is Mrs.
Garrett, our dietitian.

And warden.

She's kidding. What?

It's a pleasure meeting you. The
pleasure is mine, Mr. Polniaczek.

These are my roommates...
Tootie, Natalie and Blair.

[Girls] Hi. I heard
all about you guys.

Funny. We never
heard a thing about you.

But we're not nosy.

Welcome. Welcome
to Eastland. Thank you.

Jo, why didn't you tell us
how handsome your father is?

So distinguished-looking. Now,
I wanna find out all about him.

Yeah? Like what? Oh.

Jo, maybe your father
would like a cup of coffee.

Oh, yes. That would
really hit the spot.

Oh, sure. Why don't you just
come over here with me? Sure.

Jo, I really like the looks
of your uniform. Thanks.

They could be worse... if
you're forced to wear a uniform.

You know what I mean.
[Chuckling] How would he know...

How would he know what you mean?

Oh! Oh.

Oh, it's okay. I got
a clean skirt upstairs.

Why don't you come with
me? I'll show you my room.

No. Stay here.

I wanna get to know
your father better.

Jo, your dad's
gonna be just fine.

Okay. I'll be back soon.

Don't talk their ears off.

Don't worry about
our ears. Go on.

Mrs. Garrett, you
told me to tell you...

when it was a half an
hour before the awards.

It's 10 minutes
before the awards.

Oh, dear.

Natalie, Tootie, you'd better
bring out some more coffee cups.

Mr. Polniaczek, please sit down.
Make yourself at home. I'll be right back.

[Mr. Polniaczek]
Sure. Uh, Mrs. Garrett.

Yes? I'd better stick around.

Blair's sure to ask some
dumb, embarrassing questions.

So, Mr. Polniaczek, how come Jo's
been keeping you such a big secret?

Did I lie?

[Blair] Sit? [Mr.
Polniaczek] Yes.

Uh, Jo told us all
about your life...

In Miami.

Sun and surf and free
coconuts for everybody.

Yes. I'm in
transportation there.

I drove a truck.

Really? My father has
a warehouse in Miami.

Maybe you've trucked on
by it... Warner Textile Mills.

WarnTex on the New York Exchange?
I charted your dad's company.

- Charted it?
- Yeah. It's kind of
a hobby I have.

See, what I do is I analyze
how healthy a corporation is...

to determine its...
Its earning potential.

You did that on my
daddy's company?

How sweet.

Yeah. It's a shame about the
financial problems he's had.

Financial problems?

What financial problems?

Well, you know, the Japanese
competition, the government audit.

- It was all
in the Wall Street Journal.
- [Whimpers]

If it wasn't in Harper's
Bazaar, forget her.

Hey, don't worry. WarnTex is
coming back stronger than ever.

You wouldn't kid me?

[Relieved Sigh]

You know, you sound more
like a broker than a truck driver.

Thanks. I've been thinking
about getting into that line.

But it won't be easy. I
haven't been past high school.

I don't see why a truck driver
couldn't get into the stock market.

On the other hand,
Mr. Polniaczek,

I understand how
difficult it would be for...

Well, someone with your background
to change after so many years.

Yeah, it's gonna be a whole
new world out there for me.

Well, it certainly sounds
like you've paid your dues.

You just couldn't keep
your mouth shut, could you?

I knew I shouldn't have
let you come up here.

- Wait a minute, honey.
- Don't call me that!

So now you all know
about his stretch.

Stretch? We weren't
even talking about exercise.

Don't play games with me, Blair.

I'm talkin' about
his prison sentence.

Oh, no. What'd he tell ya?

It wasn't his fault? The
child support made him do it?

He didn't tell us
a thing. You did.

Yeah? Well, so what? I'm
tired of feeling guilty about him.

And I don't need you
messin' up my life again.

I been doin' just
fine without ya!

You wanna do somethin'
for me? Get outta my life!

And this time, stay out!

Blair. Right.

Tootie. Right.

Well, Mrs. Garrett, it was
nice meeting you. What?

You're not gonna stick around
for your daughter's big night?

You heard Jo. She
doesn't want me here.

You know? And she's right. I don't
wanna cause her any more trouble.

I know you've been through a lot
and Jo's given you a rough time.

But you're her father.
Leaving now is not the answer.

I think it's the only answer.

So that's where
she gets it from.

Gets what from? Her way
of dealing with problems.

Whenever the goin' gets rough,
Jo gets goin'... right out the door.

What do you mean?

Well, whenever there's a problem
and your daughter's hurting,

her first reaction is
to run away from it...

instead of sticking
around and working it out.

Just like you're
doing right now.

But you heard what she
said. She wants me to leave.

How do you know what she wants?

You're both so busy
running away from each other,

you don't know
one another at all.

Don't you think it's time
one of you stopped running?

Hi. Can we talk?

We've got nothin' to talk about.

Don't get bratty with me.
I can give lessons in that.

I want to talk
about your father.

My father's none
of your business.

You're acting like he's
none of yours either.

What would you know about it?

I've had three fathers. I
could give lessons in that too.

But none of them are ex-cons.

True.

But none of them
ever came here...

to see me either.

Not when I won Best New Student,
or when I was Harvest Queen,

or when I won the fine
arts festival, or when...

Gimme a break.

The point is,

your father cared enough
to come up here in person.

All I ever get from my father is
a letter signed by his secretary...

and a check signed by a machine.

What about the time you spent
with your father in Rome last summer?

Four weeks out
of the whole year.

And the ski trip to
Aspen? One weekend.

Acapulco? Ten days.

You know, maybe I'm not the best
one to be talking to you about this.

[Knocking]

Hi. Blair, can I talk
to my daughter alone?

I was just going anyway.
Blair, you don't have to go.

Yeah, I do. No, you don't.

Yes, she does.

How come you're still here?

I got a few things to say to you,
and I'm not leavin' till I say them.

Haven't you said
enough? You've already

made it tough enough
for me to face anybody.

Why? You're not the one with
the prison record. Your father is.

Yeah, and do you know what
it's like goin' to a school like this...

with a father like you?

Hey, I met your friends. They're
not gonna hold my past against you.

Nobody will. I don't care.

I don't want you around. With
or without a prison record, right?

- What do you want from me?
- I wanna be your father.

Oh, hey! That'll be great!

We'll be a family, and we'll get
close, and we'll do stuff together.

And I'll depend on you,
and you'll run out on me.

Well, no thanks.
I've tried it before.

I'm telling you, I won't
run out on you this time.

- How do I know that?
- 'Cause I'm here, aren't I?

- That's not enough.
- It's a start.

Jo, can you believe me? I'm
not the same person I was before.

Give me another shot.

Meet me halfway, honey. Why?

Because I'm your
father and I say so.

And I happen to love you.

Excuse me for interrupting, but we
have to go to the awards ceremony.

Don't you want to get a
good seat for your dad?

Yeah.

The one right next to me.

♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪

♪ And enjoy the
fun of managing ♪

♪ The facts of life
They shed a lotta light ♪

♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪

♪ Better get 'em right
Call her late at night ♪

♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪

♪ All you gotta do to get
you through is understand ♪

♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪

♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪♪