The Exes (2011–2015): Season 3, Episode 7 - Pretty Women - full transcript
When Holly and Eden date two charming French men who shower them with gifts and glamorous living, they wonder if their dream dates are too good to be true. Phil and Haskell train Stuart on how to confront a bully at the bar.
[all moaning]
- OH...
- MMM, MMM.
- MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, GOD!
[all moaning]
- I DON'T KNOW
WHO THIS NEW CHEF IS,
BUT HIS BURGERS
ARE BETTER THAN SEX.
- PLUS, AFTER YOU'RE DONE,
THERE'S NO CUDDLING,
NO SPOONING.
IT'S JUST GONE.
- WELL, I'M DONE.
UGH.
I SHOULD'VE STOPPED
WHEN MY PANTS BUTTON
POPPED OFF.
NOW THIS LITTLE LADY'S
GOTTA WADDLE ON HOME.
OH--UM--OOH--
- HEY, STUART,
WOULD YOU PASS THE MUSTARD?
- MUSTARD?
SERIOUSLY?
I FEEL LIKE AN ACCESSORY
TO CULINARY MURDER.
- AND THE KETCHUP.
- OKAY, THIS IS AN ABOMINATION.
- ALL RIGHT.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
LESS TALK, MORE SQUEEZE BOTTLES.
- FINE, BUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING
TO THIS BURGER
IS TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL--
OOH!
- HEY, MAN! WHA--
- I'M SORRY!
SORRY!
- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
- I-I THOUGHT SHE WAS
A KETCHUP BOTTLE.
- WHAT?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
- WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE, MAN?
- YEAH, I GOT A PROBLEM
WITH THIS GUY
GROPING MY GIRLFRIEND.
- LOOK, IT WAS
A COMPLETE ACCIDENT, OKAY?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU
OR YOUR DATE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOUR DINNER.
- I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?
JUST LET ME FINISH MY BURGER.
- PHIL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S--IT'S FINE.
IT'S FINE. I-I WAS--
I WAS DONE ANYWAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE OFF.
- YEAH, YOU DO THAT.
AND IF I EVER SEE YOU
IN THIS BAR AGAIN,
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
OH, YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
- NO, JUST THE KETCHUP.
[upbeat music]
?
- MORNING.
SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE.
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
- [singsong]
OKAY, BUT IT'S AWESOME.
- GET BACK HERE AND SPILL.
- ALL RIGHT, SO LAST NIGHT
I WAS AT CLUB SHELTER
AND I MET THIS
INCREDIBLY SEXY FRENCH GUY.
- OOH, SEXY FRENCH GUY!
- HIS NAME IS TRISTAN.
HE HAD A LIMO WAITING,
AND HE WHISKED ME OFF
TO DINNER AT PER SE.
- OOH, "WHISKED."
- WE WENT BACK
TO HIS SUITE,
AND THIS MORNING,
ON THE NIGHTSTAND
HE LEFT ME THIS BRACELET.
- OOH.
WHAT?
- [whispers]
I KNOW.
IT'S GOT DIAMONDS AND SAPPHIRES.
- NO, NO, NO.
EDEN, YOU REALIZE YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO GIVE THAT BACK.
- PFFT!
[laughs]
THAT'S FUNNY.
IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID,
"GIVE IT BACK."
- EDEN,
YOU HAD SEX WITH A MAN,
AND HE GAVE YOU SOMETHING
IN RETURN.
THERE'S A WORD FOR THAT.
- YES. GENEROUS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
EUROPEAN MEN.
- OH, PLEASE.
I'M NO STRANGER
TO THE EUROPEAN MALE.
- OH, REALLY?
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU WENT OUT
WITH A EUROPEAN GUY?
- OKAY,
HOW ABOUT THAT DOCTOR
I WENT TO THE OPERA WITH?
- HE WAS FROM CONNECTICUT.
- ALL I KNOW IS
HE HAD AN ACCENT.
- IT WAS A SPEECH
IMPEDIMENT.
- SO WOBERT WASN'T WUSSIAN?
YOU CAN CONVINCE YOURSELF
ALL YOU WANT
THAT EVERYTHING'S ABOVE BOARD,
BUT THIS WHOLE THING
REEKS OF SLEAZE--REEKS!
- AND THIS BRACELET IS LOADED
WITH DIAMONDS--LOADED!
- EDEN...
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING OUT WITH TRISTAN
AGAIN TONIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU MEET US FOR DRINKS
AND YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF
HOW EVERYTHING IS ON
THE UP AND UP.
- ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
THERE'S NOTHING I LOVE MORE
THAN TO BE PROVED WRONG.
- UH, THAT IS NOT TRUE.
- IT'S 'CAUSE I NEVER AM.
- OH. YEP!
THERE HE IS.
COME ON, BUDDY.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE BAR
AND DO SOME BURGER DAMAGE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS GO AHEAD.
I'M A LITTLE BURGERED OUT.
- BURGERED OUT?
YOU MADE THEM YOUR
PROFILE PICTURE ON FACEBOOK.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
I GUESS--I GUESS
I'M JUST BORED WITH THEM.
I MEAN, REALLY, WHEN YOU
TAKE AWAY THE FANCY GARNISH,
THEY'RE RATHER PEDESTRIAN.
- YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
THOSE BURGERS HAVE DONE NOTHING
BUT BRING US PLEASURE.
- THIS WOULDN'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH
THE DUDE AT THE BAR
LAST NIGHT, WOULD IT?
- WHAT DUDE?
- YOU KNOW, RED HAIRED GUY
ABOUT THAT TALL,
MADE YOU LOOK
ABOUT THAT TALL.
- THAT FELLOW?
NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN HIM
A SECOND THOUGHT.
- OKAY,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW,
IF YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT THAT GUY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE.
I GOT YOUR BACK.
- AND IF HE GETS THROUGH PHIL,
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THIS HOMBRE.
AND I'M A BITER.
- GUYS, GUYS.
BELIEVE ME.
IF I WANTED TO GO DOWN
TO THE BAR
AND HAVE A BURGER,
I WOULD.
I'M JUST NOT IN THE MOOD.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THAT MINDLESS HOOLIGAN.
- RIGHT,
BUT LAST NIGHT,
YOU DID KIND OF
RUN OUT OF THERE.
- [chuckles]
NO. I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT.
I LEFT OF MY OWN VOLITION.
- OF COURSE YOU DID.
LIKE A BRAVE MATADOR
WHO TURNS HIS BACK
ON A BULL TO SHOW
HIS FEARLESSNESS.
- THANK YOU.
- AND THEN WETS HIMSELF
AND RUNS TO HIS MOMMY.
- OKAY, TRISTAN'S
GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
JUST PROMISE
YOU WON'T EMBARRASS ME.
- EDEN, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
I EMBARRASSED YOU?
- UH, 30 SECONDS AGO WHEN
YOU TUCKED MY BOOBS BACK IN.
- YEAH, WELL,
YOU WERE ONE SNEEZE AWAY
FROM A NIP SLIP.
I JUST DON'T WANT
THIS GUY THINKING
YOU'RE SOMETHING
YOU'RE NOT.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE OVERREACTING, ALL RIGHT?
TRISTAN IS A CHARMING,
SOPHISTICATED MAN
WHO ENJOYS SPENDING TIME
WITH ME.
- WE'LL SEE.
I GOT A NOSE FOR TROUBLE,
EDEN.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE
THAN CHARM
AND A FRENCH ACCENT
TO GET PAST THIS OL' SNIFFER.
- THERE HE IS.
HEY, TRISTAN.
OVER HERE.
- OH.
- [giggles]
ADORABLE, RIGHT?
- EDEN...
[speaking French]
- [laughs]
- [speaking French]
- MERCI.
TRISTAN, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY FRIEND, HOLLY.
- BON SOIR, HOLLY.
- 'SUP?
- [chuckles]
- LOOK, I'M WEARING
THE BEAUTIFUL BRACELET
YOU GAVE ME.
- A BEAUTIFUL BRACELET
FOR A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
- UGH.
YES, IT WAS VERY,
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
WITH GIFTS LIKE THAT
COMES IMPLIED EXPECTATIONS.
TELL ME, TRISTAN,
WAS THERE SUCH EXPECTATION?
- MY ONLY EXPECTATION
IS THE SMILE ON HER FACE,
THE SPARKLE IN HER EYES,
AND THE JOY IN HER HEART.
[laughs]
- YOU GOT AN ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?
- OH, JEAN LUC...
[speaking French]
- OH. WHO'S THAT?
- SINCE YOU WERE BRINGING
A FRIEND,
I THOUGHT I WOULD TOO.
JEAN LUC, THIS IS EDEN...
- HI.
- AND HER CHARMING FRIEND,
HOLLY.
- CHARMING
AND BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, WELL.
- BON SOIR, HOLLY.
- HI, THERE.
[speaking French]
- YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
- THAT WAS FRENCH?
- AH, YES, I STUDIED IT
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MADEMOISELLE PLOTKIN SAID
I HAD A REAL EAR FOR IT.
- [laughs]
YOU ARE DELIGHTFUL.
- WELL, I'M NOT EVEN TRYING.
- I GOT A LIMO
WAITING OUTSIDE.
- [French accent]
A LIMO?
- WHY DON'T WE HAVE DINNER
AT LE BERNARDIN...
- OOH.
- AND AFTERWARDS
GO DANCING AT CIELO?
- C'EST BON?
- SOUNDS BON TO ME.
HOLLY?
- WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MA CHERIE?
- [stumbling in bad French]
- SPEAK ENGLISH.
- LET'S GET
THIS PARTY STARTED!
- OH.
[giggles]
- LANA, TWO TRUFFLE BURGERS,
PLEASE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT MY TASTE BUDS
ARE ROCK HARD,
- WELL,
MINE ONLY HAVE A SEMI,
BUT I'M A NOTORIOUSLY
SLOW STARTER.
- [whispers]
EXCUSE ME.
I PUT IN AN ORDER TO GO
FOR STUART GARDNER.
- [yells] ORDER FOR
STUART GARDNER READY?
YEAH, THIS GUY!
- CHECK IT OUT,
THERE'S STUART.
I KNEW HE WAS AFRAID
TO COME BACK HERE.
- LOOKS LIKE A KID
SOMEONE'S PROMISED
TO HIT A HOME RUN FOR.
- HERE YOU GO.
THANKS. KEEP THE CHANGE.
OKAY.
- THANKS, MAN!
- HEY.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- HELLO, AGAIN.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
- SO WHAT PART OF
"DON'T EVER COME BACK
OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS"
DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
- WELL, WE DIDN'T DISCUSS
TAKEOUT SITUATIONS,
SO TECHNICALLY,
WE'RE IN A GRAY AREA.
- THAT'S A GOOD POINT,
SO LET'S CLEAR THAT UP.
GET OUT.
- LOOK, WE'RE BOTH ADULTS.
I MEAN--
- NOW.
- THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA
GO TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY.
- NO, NO, NO.
THE BOY HAS TO LEARN
TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES.
BESIDES,
THE FOOD'S HERE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- YES, I'M LATE.
I'M GLORIOUSLY LATE.
LAST NIGHT WAS MAGNIFIQUE!
- MINE WAS
MAGNI-FREAKIN' AMAZING, TOO!
SO, WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOU
AND JEAN LUC LEFT US?
- WELL, HE WHISKED ME OFF
TO THREE MORE CLUBS.
- OOH, YOU WERE WHISKED.
- I WAS WHISKED.
AND THEN WE WENT BACK
TO HIS SUITE
AT THE PIERRE,
AND WE WHISKED
UNTIL THE SUN CAME UP.
- OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT A DIAMOND NECKLACE?
- AH, YES.
JEAN LUC LEFT IT FOR ME
ON THE NIGHTSTAND,
LIKE FRENCH GENTLEMEN DO.
- REALLY?
AREN'T YOU AFRAID
THERE MIGHT BE
SOME "IMPLIED EXPECTATION"?
- I OWE YOU
AN APOLOGY, EDEN.
I HAVE BEEN
A PROVINCIAL FOOL.
I MEAN, EUROPEAN MEN
KNOW HOW TO TREAT WOMEN,
NOT LIKE THESE
AMERICAN BOOBS.
- I KNOW.
THIS MORNING, I GOT A VISIT
FROM THE EARRINGS FAIRY.
- [gasps]
OOH, NEXT TIME,
I WANT THOSE.
- YEAH.
[cell phone rings]
- [gasps]
IT'S JEAN LUC.
BONJOUR, MON CHERI.
[cell phone rings]
- HEY, TRISTAN.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD.
- YES?
- REALLY?
- I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- I'D LOVE TO.
- OKAY, BYE.
- AU REVOIR.
THEY'RE FLYING US
TO ST. BARTS.
- ON THEIR PRIVATE JET!
- FIRST, WE WERE WHISKED.
NOW WE'RE BEING WINGED.
[speaking French]
[laughter]
- HEY, BUDDY.
HOW--HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- SO, UH, THAT A NEW SHIRT?
YOU LOOK GOOD IN YELLOW.
OR, UH, WELL...
IT'S MORE OF A CANARY.
A...A "BRAVE CANARY."
- ALL RIGHT.
I'M GUESSING YOU SAW
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT
AT THE BAR.
- YEAH, WE KIND OF DID.
STUART, YOU CAN'T LET THAT GUY
PUSH YOU AROUND LIKE THAT.
YOU GOT TO STAND UP
FOR YOURSELF.
- I'M SORRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE.
IT'S UNCIVILIZED
AND BARBARIC.
THERE ARE NO WINNERS.
- YEAH, THERE ARE.
THE GUY STANDING OVER THE GUY
BLEEDING IS THE WINNER.
- WELL, I DISAGREE.
AND IF YOU THINK
THAT MAKES ME A COWARD,
THEN GO AHEAD,
CALL ME A COWARD.
- NO, NO, NO.
I WON'T.
AND I KNOW
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
- NO, STUART, WE DIDN'T MEAN
TO GET IN YOUR BUSINESS.
WE'LL--
WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.
- IT WAS THE SUMMER
OF FOURTH GRADE.
I WAS AT THE PARK POOL,
AND I HAD JUST GOTTEN FLIPPERS
AND A MASK
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
I WAS SO EXCITED
TO USE THEM.
AND THAT LITTLE THUG,
BILLY NEFF,
CAME AND SNATCHED THEM
AWAY FROM ME.
I SAID, "BILLY,
THIS IS UNCONSCIONABLE."
HE JUST TOLD ME TO BEAT IT
AND NEVER COME BACK.
AND I WAS SO ANGRY.
[sighs]
I WAS TOO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING,
SO I JUST RAN,
AND I GUESS
I'VE BEEN RUNNING EVER SINCE.
- WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME
YOU STOPPED RUNNING.
- YEAH, YOU GOT TO STEP UP
AND FACE THAT GUY AT THE BAR.
- I WOULD, I WOULD,
EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.
HE'LL KICK THE CRAP
OUT OF ME.
- NO, NO, HE WON'T
BECAUSE I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO FIGHT.
- NAH, THE HELL WITH THAT.
I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO WIN.
THE NUMBER ONE RULE
IS YOU NEVER FIGHT FAIR.
YOU NEVER FIGHT SQUARE.
YOU GOTTA TAKE HIM OUT FIRST.
YOU GOTTA TAKE HIM OUT FAST.
- OKAY.
HOW DO I DO THAT?
RIGHT HOOK?
HAYMAKER?
- A HANDFUL OF SAND
TO THE FACE.
I CALL THAT MOVE
THE "DUST STORM."
IT'S GOTTEN ME
OUT OF MANY A SCRAPE.
- WHERE THE HELL
ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO FIND SAND IN A BAR?
- YOU BRING IT WITH YOU,
YOU IDIOT.
[laughs]
I NEVER LEAVE HOME
WITHOUT A POCKETFUL.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
MY SWAGGER COMES FROM?
- FORGET THE SAND.
FORGET THE SAND.
I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO FIGHT LIKE A REAL MAN.
THE GOAL IS PROTECT
THE PRETTY AT ALL COSTS.
- WELL, I CERTAINLY WANT
TO PROTECT MY PRETTY.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL,
YOU DO IT RIGHT,
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE
TO THROW A PUNCH, STUART.
IT'S ALL ABOUT
THE ATTITUDE...
AND THE CRAZY EYES.
[shouting]
OH, WE GOT A PROBLEM?
WE GOT A PROBLEM?
OH, WE GOT A PROBLEM NOW?
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- WOW.
WELL,
THAT IS INTIMIDATING.
- MM-HMM.
- THAT WAS A JOKE.
- [shouts]
OH, I'M A JOKE, HUH?
YOU CALLING ME A JOKE?
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- DUST STORM!
- AAH!
[shrieking]
- LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
HOLY BALLS,
WE'VE ARRIVED.
- WELCOME ABOARD.
JEAN LUC AND TRISTAN
ARE AWAITING YOUR ARRIVAL
IN ST. BARTS.
I'M CLAYTON,
HERE TO SEE
TO YOUR EVERY NEED.
- WELL, CLAYTON,
I NEED CHAMPAGNE,
A STEAK, A LOBSTER,
MORE CHAMPAGNE,
ANOTHER STEAK--
- OKAY, EDEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE
MY FRIEND.
SHE'S NOT USED
TO FLYING PRIVATE.
WHEN DO WE GET THE PEANUTS?
- RIGHT AFTER THE CAVIAR.
both: AH.
- PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
- THANK YOU.
- TRISTAN AND JEAN LUC
THINK OF EVERYTHING.
- MIMOSAS?
- [English accent]
MIMO-CERTAINLY.
- [laughs]
THANK YOU, CLAYTON.
TO US.
- TO US.
[glasses clink]
- EDEN, THIS IS THE LIFE
WE WERE MEANT TO BE LEADING.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
- BECAUSE WE
ARE TWO SPECIAL LADIES.
- EXACTEMENT.
- [giggles]
- WE'LL BE TAKING OFF AS SOON
AS THE OTHER GIRLS GET HERE.
- WHAT OTHER GIRLS?
[girls giggling]
- OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T WAIT.
- [sighs]
- WHO ARE THEY?
- MAYBE THEY'RE RELATIVES.
I HEAR FRENCH FAMILIES
ARE VERY CLOSE.
- UH, HELLO--
OH, CERTAINLY.
THERE YOU GO.
[clears throat]
YES.
SO, TELL ME, HOW DO YOU
KNOW TRISTAN AND JEAN LUC?
- OH, I MET THEM IN VEGAS.
- I PARTIED WITH THEM
IN MACAU.
- I ACTUALLY NEVER MET THEM.
I WAS SENT BY MY AGENCY.
- OH, NO.
OOH, EDEN.
WE'VE GOTTEN THIS ALL WRONG.
WE'RE NOT SPECIAL LADIES.
WE'RE--
- DON'T SAY IT.
DON'T SAY IT.
- WE'RE HOS!
- NO, WE'RE NOT!
WE'RE SPECIAL LADIES.
- EDEN, IF WE DO NOT
GET OFF THIS PLANE RIGHT NOW,
WE ARE NO DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OF THESE...
LOVELY YOUNG LADIES.
- I'M NOT GETTING OFF.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE.
- NO!
- COME ON.
- NO!
I WANT TO GO TO ST. BARTS!
I WANT TO BE WINED AND DINED
AND WAKE UP
WITH A SHINY PRESENT!
- LET'S GO.
- DO WE HAVE TO GIVE BACK
THE JEWELRY?
- I SAID WE'RE HOS,
NOT IDIOTS.
- ALL RIGHT, STUART.
THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE.
- OH.
- IS THAT THE SAME GUY?
I-I DON'T THINK SO.
AND I WOULD NOT WANT
TO PUT A BEAT-DOWN
ON THE WRONG FELLOW.
- NO, NO, NO, THAT'S HIM.
MAN UP.
- YOU'RE DOING THIS
FOR BILLY NEFF
AND EVERY OTHER FIGHT
YOU RAN AWAY FROM.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
[exhales]
I'M GOING IN.
[clears throat]
- HEY, HEY, BUDDY. REMEMBER.
CRAZY EYES.
CRAZY EYES.
- AND THE SAND.
- I DIDN'T BRING ANY SAND.
- NAH, I PUT SOME
IN YOUR POCKET
WHILE YOU WERE PRAYING.
IT'S A FINE IGNEOUS--
REALLY STINGS THE CORNEA.
- YEAH.
[clears throat]
HEY.
REMEMBER ME?
- [chuckles]
OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.
YOU GOT FIVE SECONDS
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
- OH, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE WE GOT A PROBLEM.
YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA GET.
- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOUR EYES?
- MY EYES ARE CRAZY,
JUST LIKE I AM.
- WELL, THEY'RE ABOUT
TO GET BLACK AND BLUE.
- WELL, YOU LEAVE ME
NO CHOICE.
DUST STORM!
[coins clatter]
- DID YOU JUST THROW CHANGE
AT ME?
- WRONG POCKET.
- BUDDY,
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.
I MEAN, YOU ARE GONNA--
[choking]
- OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU CHOKING?
- [choking]
- OH, HERE.
- [coughs]
[coughing]
- YOU OKAY?
- OH, THANKS, BUDDY.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
I WANT MY FLIPPERS BACK,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAN.
- OH, YOU WANT SOME MORE?
YOU WANT SOME MORE OF THIS?
- NO, NO, I'M DONE.
I'M DONE.
- HOLY--STUART, YOU DID IT!
- YEAH.
- YOU SAVED HIS LIFE
AND YOU KICKED HIS ASS.
- YEAH.
I GUESS I DID.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU.
YOU DIDN'T USE SAND,
BUT YOU DID SUCKER PUNCH HIM.
THAT'S MY BOY.
- LOOKS LIKE YOUR RUNNING DAYS
ARE OVER, HUH?
- YEAH, THANKS TO YOU GUYS,
I GUESS THEY ARE.
- HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE,
GUYS.
- WOW.
- WHAT'S WITH THE OUTFITS?
- THEY'RE COCKTAIL DRESSES.
WE'RE HAVING COCKTAILS.
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THAT?
- WELL, IF I
DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,
I'D SAY YOU WERE
A COUPLE OF HIGH-PRICED--
- WHAT?
HIGH-PRICED WHAT?
- PRINCESSES?
- DAMN RIGHT WE ARE.
NOW, GO GET US A BURGER
AND DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING
IN RETURN.
- NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY DAYS OF BEING PUSHED AROUND
IN THIS BAR ARE OVER.
- YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
- YEAH, WHAT?
- DUST STORM!
OW! OH! OW!
AAH!
[upbeat music]
?
- YEAH.
- ? ACME
[glass shatters]
- OH...
- MMM, MMM.
- MM-HMM, MM-HMM, MM-HMM.
- MM-HMM.
- OH, GOD!
[all moaning]
- I DON'T KNOW
WHO THIS NEW CHEF IS,
BUT HIS BURGERS
ARE BETTER THAN SEX.
- PLUS, AFTER YOU'RE DONE,
THERE'S NO CUDDLING,
NO SPOONING.
IT'S JUST GONE.
- WELL, I'M DONE.
UGH.
I SHOULD'VE STOPPED
WHEN MY PANTS BUTTON
POPPED OFF.
NOW THIS LITTLE LADY'S
GOTTA WADDLE ON HOME.
OH--UM--OOH--
- HEY, STUART,
WOULD YOU PASS THE MUSTARD?
- MUSTARD?
SERIOUSLY?
I FEEL LIKE AN ACCESSORY
TO CULINARY MURDER.
- AND THE KETCHUP.
- OKAY, THIS IS AN ABOMINATION.
- ALL RIGHT.
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.
LESS TALK, MORE SQUEEZE BOTTLES.
- FINE, BUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING
TO THIS BURGER
IS TOTALLY DISRESPECTFUL--
OOH!
- HEY, MAN! WHA--
- I'M SORRY!
SORRY!
- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
- I-I THOUGHT SHE WAS
A KETCHUP BOTTLE.
- WHAT?
YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
- WE GOT A PROBLEM HERE, MAN?
- YEAH, I GOT A PROBLEM
WITH THIS GUY
GROPING MY GIRLFRIEND.
- LOOK, IT WAS
A COMPLETE ACCIDENT, OKAY?
I DIDN'T MEAN TO UPSET YOU
OR YOUR DATE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOUR DINNER.
- I GOT A BETTER IDEA.
WHY DON'T YOU
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
TAKE THIS OUTSIDE?
JUST LET ME FINISH MY BURGER.
- PHIL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S--IT'S FINE.
IT'S FINE. I-I WAS--
I WAS DONE ANYWAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GONNA TAKE OFF.
- YEAH, YOU DO THAT.
AND IF I EVER SEE YOU
IN THIS BAR AGAIN,
I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
OH, YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
- NO, JUST THE KETCHUP.
[upbeat music]
?
- MORNING.
SORRY I'M LATE,
BUT I HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE.
- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
- [singsong]
OKAY, BUT IT'S AWESOME.
- GET BACK HERE AND SPILL.
- ALL RIGHT, SO LAST NIGHT
I WAS AT CLUB SHELTER
AND I MET THIS
INCREDIBLY SEXY FRENCH GUY.
- OOH, SEXY FRENCH GUY!
- HIS NAME IS TRISTAN.
HE HAD A LIMO WAITING,
AND HE WHISKED ME OFF
TO DINNER AT PER SE.
- OOH, "WHISKED."
- WE WENT BACK
TO HIS SUITE,
AND THIS MORNING,
ON THE NIGHTSTAND
HE LEFT ME THIS BRACELET.
- OOH.
WHAT?
- [whispers]
I KNOW.
IT'S GOT DIAMONDS AND SAPPHIRES.
- NO, NO, NO.
EDEN, YOU REALIZE YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO GIVE THAT BACK.
- PFFT!
[laughs]
THAT'S FUNNY.
IT SOUNDED LIKE YOU SAID,
"GIVE IT BACK."
- EDEN,
YOU HAD SEX WITH A MAN,
AND HE GAVE YOU SOMETHING
IN RETURN.
THERE'S A WORD FOR THAT.
- YES. GENEROUS.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
EUROPEAN MEN.
- OH, PLEASE.
I'M NO STRANGER
TO THE EUROPEAN MALE.
- OH, REALLY?
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME
YOU WENT OUT
WITH A EUROPEAN GUY?
- OKAY,
HOW ABOUT THAT DOCTOR
I WENT TO THE OPERA WITH?
- HE WAS FROM CONNECTICUT.
- ALL I KNOW IS
HE HAD AN ACCENT.
- IT WAS A SPEECH
IMPEDIMENT.
- SO WOBERT WASN'T WUSSIAN?
YOU CAN CONVINCE YOURSELF
ALL YOU WANT
THAT EVERYTHING'S ABOVE BOARD,
BUT THIS WHOLE THING
REEKS OF SLEAZE--REEKS!
- AND THIS BRACELET IS LOADED
WITH DIAMONDS--LOADED!
- EDEN...
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING OUT WITH TRISTAN
AGAIN TONIGHT.
WHY DON'T YOU MEET US FOR DRINKS
AND YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF
HOW EVERYTHING IS ON
THE UP AND UP.
- ALL RIGHT, I WILL.
THERE'S NOTHING I LOVE MORE
THAN TO BE PROVED WRONG.
- UH, THAT IS NOT TRUE.
- IT'S 'CAUSE I NEVER AM.
- OH. YEP!
THERE HE IS.
COME ON, BUDDY.
LET'S GO DOWN TO THE BAR
AND DO SOME BURGER DAMAGE.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS GO AHEAD.
I'M A LITTLE BURGERED OUT.
- BURGERED OUT?
YOU MADE THEM YOUR
PROFILE PICTURE ON FACEBOOK.
- YEAH, I KNOW.
I GUESS--I GUESS
I'M JUST BORED WITH THEM.
I MEAN, REALLY, WHEN YOU
TAKE AWAY THE FANCY GARNISH,
THEY'RE RATHER PEDESTRIAN.
- YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
THOSE BURGERS HAVE DONE NOTHING
BUT BRING US PLEASURE.
- THIS WOULDN'T
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH
THE DUDE AT THE BAR
LAST NIGHT, WOULD IT?
- WHAT DUDE?
- YOU KNOW, RED HAIRED GUY
ABOUT THAT TALL,
MADE YOU LOOK
ABOUT THAT TALL.
- THAT FELLOW?
NO, I HAVEN'T EVEN GIVEN HIM
A SECOND THOUGHT.
- OKAY,
BECAUSE YOU KNOW,
IF YOU'RE WORRIED
ABOUT THAT GUY,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE.
I GOT YOUR BACK.
- AND IF HE GETS THROUGH PHIL,
HE'S GONNA HAVE TO DEAL
WITH THIS HOMBRE.
AND I'M A BITER.
- GUYS, GUYS.
BELIEVE ME.
IF I WANTED TO GO DOWN
TO THE BAR
AND HAVE A BURGER,
I WOULD.
I'M JUST NOT IN THE MOOD.
IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH THAT MINDLESS HOOLIGAN.
- RIGHT,
BUT LAST NIGHT,
YOU DID KIND OF
RUN OUT OF THERE.
- [chuckles]
NO. I DID NOTHING OF THE SORT.
I LEFT OF MY OWN VOLITION.
- OF COURSE YOU DID.
LIKE A BRAVE MATADOR
WHO TURNS HIS BACK
ON A BULL TO SHOW
HIS FEARLESSNESS.
- THANK YOU.
- AND THEN WETS HIMSELF
AND RUNS TO HIS MOMMY.
- OKAY, TRISTAN'S
GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.
JUST PROMISE
YOU WON'T EMBARRASS ME.
- EDEN, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
I EMBARRASSED YOU?
- UH, 30 SECONDS AGO WHEN
YOU TUCKED MY BOOBS BACK IN.
- YEAH, WELL,
YOU WERE ONE SNEEZE AWAY
FROM A NIP SLIP.
I JUST DON'T WANT
THIS GUY THINKING
YOU'RE SOMETHING
YOU'RE NOT.
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE OVERREACTING, ALL RIGHT?
TRISTAN IS A CHARMING,
SOPHISTICATED MAN
WHO ENJOYS SPENDING TIME
WITH ME.
- WE'LL SEE.
I GOT A NOSE FOR TROUBLE,
EDEN.
IT'S GONNA TAKE A LOT MORE
THAN CHARM
AND A FRENCH ACCENT
TO GET PAST THIS OL' SNIFFER.
- THERE HE IS.
HEY, TRISTAN.
OVER HERE.
- OH.
- [giggles]
ADORABLE, RIGHT?
- EDEN...
[speaking French]
- [laughs]
- [speaking French]
- MERCI.
TRISTAN, I'D LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY FRIEND, HOLLY.
- BON SOIR, HOLLY.
- 'SUP?
- [chuckles]
- LOOK, I'M WEARING
THE BEAUTIFUL BRACELET
YOU GAVE ME.
- A BEAUTIFUL BRACELET
FOR A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
- UGH.
YES, IT WAS VERY,
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
WITH GIFTS LIKE THAT
COMES IMPLIED EXPECTATIONS.
TELL ME, TRISTAN,
WAS THERE SUCH EXPECTATION?
- MY ONLY EXPECTATION
IS THE SMILE ON HER FACE,
THE SPARKLE IN HER EYES,
AND THE JOY IN HER HEART.
[laughs]
- YOU GOT AN ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING, DON'T YOU?
- OH, JEAN LUC...
[speaking French]
- OH. WHO'S THAT?
- SINCE YOU WERE BRINGING
A FRIEND,
I THOUGHT I WOULD TOO.
JEAN LUC, THIS IS EDEN...
- HI.
- AND HER CHARMING FRIEND,
HOLLY.
- CHARMING
AND BEAUTIFUL.
- OH, WELL.
- BON SOIR, HOLLY.
- HI, THERE.
[speaking French]
- YOU SPEAK FRENCH.
- THAT WAS FRENCH?
- AH, YES, I STUDIED IT
IN HIGH SCHOOL.
MADEMOISELLE PLOTKIN SAID
I HAD A REAL EAR FOR IT.
- [laughs]
YOU ARE DELIGHTFUL.
- WELL, I'M NOT EVEN TRYING.
- I GOT A LIMO
WAITING OUTSIDE.
- [French accent]
A LIMO?
- WHY DON'T WE HAVE DINNER
AT LE BERNARDIN...
- OOH.
- AND AFTERWARDS
GO DANCING AT CIELO?
- C'EST BON?
- SOUNDS BON TO ME.
HOLLY?
- WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MA CHERIE?
- [stumbling in bad French]
- SPEAK ENGLISH.
- LET'S GET
THIS PARTY STARTED!
- OH.
[giggles]
- LANA, TWO TRUFFLE BURGERS,
PLEASE.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU,
BUT MY TASTE BUDS
ARE ROCK HARD,
- WELL,
MINE ONLY HAVE A SEMI,
BUT I'M A NOTORIOUSLY
SLOW STARTER.
- [whispers]
EXCUSE ME.
I PUT IN AN ORDER TO GO
FOR STUART GARDNER.
- [yells] ORDER FOR
STUART GARDNER READY?
YEAH, THIS GUY!
- CHECK IT OUT,
THERE'S STUART.
I KNEW HE WAS AFRAID
TO COME BACK HERE.
- LOOKS LIKE A KID
SOMEONE'S PROMISED
TO HIT A HOME RUN FOR.
- HERE YOU GO.
THANKS. KEEP THE CHANGE.
OKAY.
- THANKS, MAN!
- HEY.
LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- HELLO, AGAIN.
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I WAS JUST LEAVING.
- SO WHAT PART OF
"DON'T EVER COME BACK
OR I'LL KICK YOUR ASS"
DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
- WELL, WE DIDN'T DISCUSS
TAKEOUT SITUATIONS,
SO TECHNICALLY,
WE'RE IN A GRAY AREA.
- THAT'S A GOOD POINT,
SO LET'S CLEAR THAT UP.
GET OUT.
- LOOK, WE'RE BOTH ADULTS.
I MEAN--
- NOW.
- THAT'S IT, I'M GONNA
GO TAKE CARE OF THIS GUY.
- NO, NO, NO.
THE BOY HAS TO LEARN
TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES.
BESIDES,
THE FOOD'S HERE.
- GOOD MORNING.
- YES, I'M LATE.
I'M GLORIOUSLY LATE.
LAST NIGHT WAS MAGNIFIQUE!
- MINE WAS
MAGNI-FREAKIN' AMAZING, TOO!
SO, WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOU
AND JEAN LUC LEFT US?
- WELL, HE WHISKED ME OFF
TO THREE MORE CLUBS.
- OOH, YOU WERE WHISKED.
- I WAS WHISKED.
AND THEN WE WENT BACK
TO HIS SUITE
AT THE PIERRE,
AND WE WHISKED
UNTIL THE SUN CAME UP.
- OH, MY GOD.
IS THAT A DIAMOND NECKLACE?
- AH, YES.
JEAN LUC LEFT IT FOR ME
ON THE NIGHTSTAND,
LIKE FRENCH GENTLEMEN DO.
- REALLY?
AREN'T YOU AFRAID
THERE MIGHT BE
SOME "IMPLIED EXPECTATION"?
- I OWE YOU
AN APOLOGY, EDEN.
I HAVE BEEN
A PROVINCIAL FOOL.
I MEAN, EUROPEAN MEN
KNOW HOW TO TREAT WOMEN,
NOT LIKE THESE
AMERICAN BOOBS.
- I KNOW.
THIS MORNING, I GOT A VISIT
FROM THE EARRINGS FAIRY.
- [gasps]
OOH, NEXT TIME,
I WANT THOSE.
- YEAH.
[cell phone rings]
- [gasps]
IT'S JEAN LUC.
BONJOUR, MON CHERI.
[cell phone rings]
- HEY, TRISTAN.
- WHAT?
- YEAH.
- OH, MY GOD.
- YES?
- REALLY?
- I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
- I'D LOVE TO.
- OKAY, BYE.
- AU REVOIR.
THEY'RE FLYING US
TO ST. BARTS.
- ON THEIR PRIVATE JET!
- FIRST, WE WERE WHISKED.
NOW WE'RE BEING WINGED.
[speaking French]
[laughter]
- HEY, BUDDY.
HOW--HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
- SO, UH, THAT A NEW SHIRT?
YOU LOOK GOOD IN YELLOW.
OR, UH, WELL...
IT'S MORE OF A CANARY.
A...A "BRAVE CANARY."
- ALL RIGHT.
I'M GUESSING YOU SAW
WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT
AT THE BAR.
- YEAH, WE KIND OF DID.
STUART, YOU CAN'T LET THAT GUY
PUSH YOU AROUND LIKE THAT.
YOU GOT TO STAND UP
FOR YOURSELF.
- I'M SORRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE.
IT'S UNCIVILIZED
AND BARBARIC.
THERE ARE NO WINNERS.
- YEAH, THERE ARE.
THE GUY STANDING OVER THE GUY
BLEEDING IS THE WINNER.
- WELL, I DISAGREE.
AND IF YOU THINK
THAT MAKES ME A COWARD,
THEN GO AHEAD,
CALL ME A COWARD.
- NO, NO, NO.
I WON'T.
AND I KNOW
YOU CAN'T MAKE ME.
- NO, STUART, WE DIDN'T MEAN
TO GET IN YOUR BUSINESS.
WE'LL--
WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.
- IT WAS THE SUMMER
OF FOURTH GRADE.
I WAS AT THE PARK POOL,
AND I HAD JUST GOTTEN FLIPPERS
AND A MASK
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.
I WAS SO EXCITED
TO USE THEM.
AND THAT LITTLE THUG,
BILLY NEFF,
CAME AND SNATCHED THEM
AWAY FROM ME.
I SAID, "BILLY,
THIS IS UNCONSCIONABLE."
HE JUST TOLD ME TO BEAT IT
AND NEVER COME BACK.
AND I WAS SO ANGRY.
[sighs]
I WAS TOO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING,
SO I JUST RAN,
AND I GUESS
I'VE BEEN RUNNING EVER SINCE.
- WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME
YOU STOPPED RUNNING.
- YEAH, YOU GOT TO STEP UP
AND FACE THAT GUY AT THE BAR.
- I WOULD, I WOULD,
EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.
HE'LL KICK THE CRAP
OUT OF ME.
- NO, NO, HE WON'T
BECAUSE I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO FIGHT.
- NAH, THE HELL WITH THAT.
I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO WIN.
THE NUMBER ONE RULE
IS YOU NEVER FIGHT FAIR.
YOU NEVER FIGHT SQUARE.
YOU GOTTA TAKE HIM OUT FIRST.
YOU GOTTA TAKE HIM OUT FAST.
- OKAY.
HOW DO I DO THAT?
RIGHT HOOK?
HAYMAKER?
- A HANDFUL OF SAND
TO THE FACE.
I CALL THAT MOVE
THE "DUST STORM."
IT'S GOTTEN ME
OUT OF MANY A SCRAPE.
- WHERE THE HELL
ARE YOU SUPPOSED
TO FIND SAND IN A BAR?
- YOU BRING IT WITH YOU,
YOU IDIOT.
[laughs]
I NEVER LEAVE HOME
WITHOUT A POCKETFUL.
WHERE DO YOU THINK
MY SWAGGER COMES FROM?
- FORGET THE SAND.
FORGET THE SAND.
I'M GONNA TEACH YOU
HOW TO FIGHT LIKE A REAL MAN.
THE GOAL IS PROTECT
THE PRETTY AT ALL COSTS.
- WELL, I CERTAINLY WANT
TO PROTECT MY PRETTY.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL,
YOU DO IT RIGHT,
YOU WON'T EVEN HAVE
TO THROW A PUNCH, STUART.
IT'S ALL ABOUT
THE ATTITUDE...
AND THE CRAZY EYES.
[shouting]
OH, WE GOT A PROBLEM?
WE GOT A PROBLEM?
OH, WE GOT A PROBLEM NOW?
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- WOW.
WELL,
THAT IS INTIMIDATING.
- MM-HMM.
- THAT WAS A JOKE.
- [shouts]
OH, I'M A JOKE, HUH?
YOU CALLING ME A JOKE?
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
- DUST STORM!
- AAH!
[shrieking]
- LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
HOLY BALLS,
WE'VE ARRIVED.
- WELCOME ABOARD.
JEAN LUC AND TRISTAN
ARE AWAITING YOUR ARRIVAL
IN ST. BARTS.
I'M CLAYTON,
HERE TO SEE
TO YOUR EVERY NEED.
- WELL, CLAYTON,
I NEED CHAMPAGNE,
A STEAK, A LOBSTER,
MORE CHAMPAGNE,
ANOTHER STEAK--
- OKAY, EDEN.
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE
MY FRIEND.
SHE'S NOT USED
TO FLYING PRIVATE.
WHEN DO WE GET THE PEANUTS?
- RIGHT AFTER THE CAVIAR.
both: AH.
- PLEASE HAVE A SEAT.
- THANK YOU.
- TRISTAN AND JEAN LUC
THINK OF EVERYTHING.
- MIMOSAS?
- [English accent]
MIMO-CERTAINLY.
- [laughs]
THANK YOU, CLAYTON.
TO US.
- TO US.
[glasses clink]
- EDEN, THIS IS THE LIFE
WE WERE MEANT TO BE LEADING.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY?
- BECAUSE WE
ARE TWO SPECIAL LADIES.
- EXACTEMENT.
- [giggles]
- WE'LL BE TAKING OFF AS SOON
AS THE OTHER GIRLS GET HERE.
- WHAT OTHER GIRLS?
[girls giggling]
- OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T WAIT.
- [sighs]
- WHO ARE THEY?
- MAYBE THEY'RE RELATIVES.
I HEAR FRENCH FAMILIES
ARE VERY CLOSE.
- UH, HELLO--
OH, CERTAINLY.
THERE YOU GO.
[clears throat]
YES.
SO, TELL ME, HOW DO YOU
KNOW TRISTAN AND JEAN LUC?
- OH, I MET THEM IN VEGAS.
- I PARTIED WITH THEM
IN MACAU.
- I ACTUALLY NEVER MET THEM.
I WAS SENT BY MY AGENCY.
- OH, NO.
OOH, EDEN.
WE'VE GOTTEN THIS ALL WRONG.
WE'RE NOT SPECIAL LADIES.
WE'RE--
- DON'T SAY IT.
DON'T SAY IT.
- WE'RE HOS!
- NO, WE'RE NOT!
WE'RE SPECIAL LADIES.
- EDEN, IF WE DO NOT
GET OFF THIS PLANE RIGHT NOW,
WE ARE NO DIFFERENT
THAN ANY OF THESE...
LOVELY YOUNG LADIES.
- I'M NOT GETTING OFF.
- OH, YES, YOU ARE.
- NO!
- COME ON.
- NO!
I WANT TO GO TO ST. BARTS!
I WANT TO BE WINED AND DINED
AND WAKE UP
WITH A SHINY PRESENT!
- LET'S GO.
- DO WE HAVE TO GIVE BACK
THE JEWELRY?
- I SAID WE'RE HOS,
NOT IDIOTS.
- ALL RIGHT, STUART.
THERE HE IS RIGHT THERE.
- OH.
- IS THAT THE SAME GUY?
I-I DON'T THINK SO.
AND I WOULD NOT WANT
TO PUT A BEAT-DOWN
ON THE WRONG FELLOW.
- NO, NO, NO, THAT'S HIM.
MAN UP.
- YOU'RE DOING THIS
FOR BILLY NEFF
AND EVERY OTHER FIGHT
YOU RAN AWAY FROM.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
[exhales]
I'M GOING IN.
[clears throat]
- HEY, HEY, BUDDY. REMEMBER.
CRAZY EYES.
CRAZY EYES.
- AND THE SAND.
- I DIDN'T BRING ANY SAND.
- NAH, I PUT SOME
IN YOUR POCKET
WHILE YOU WERE PRAYING.
IT'S A FINE IGNEOUS--
REALLY STINGS THE CORNEA.
- YEAH.
[clears throat]
HEY.
REMEMBER ME?
- [chuckles]
OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER YOU.
YOU GOT FIVE SECONDS
TO GET OUT OF HERE.
- OH, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE WE GOT A PROBLEM.
YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?
'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA GET.
- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOUR EYES?
- MY EYES ARE CRAZY,
JUST LIKE I AM.
- WELL, THEY'RE ABOUT
TO GET BLACK AND BLUE.
- WELL, YOU LEAVE ME
NO CHOICE.
DUST STORM!
[coins clatter]
- DID YOU JUST THROW CHANGE
AT ME?
- WRONG POCKET.
- BUDDY,
YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.
I MEAN, YOU ARE GONNA--
[choking]
- OH, MY GOD.
OH, MY GOD.
ARE YOU CHOKING?
- [choking]
- OH, HERE.
- [coughs]
[coughing]
- YOU OKAY?
- OH, THANKS, BUDDY.
YOU SAVED MY LIFE.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
I WANT MY FLIPPERS BACK,
YOU SON OF A BITCH!
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, MAN.
- OH, YOU WANT SOME MORE?
YOU WANT SOME MORE OF THIS?
- NO, NO, I'M DONE.
I'M DONE.
- HOLY--STUART, YOU DID IT!
- YEAH.
- YOU SAVED HIS LIFE
AND YOU KICKED HIS ASS.
- YEAH.
I GUESS I DID.
- I'M PROUD OF YOU.
YOU DIDN'T USE SAND,
BUT YOU DID SUCKER PUNCH HIM.
THAT'S MY BOY.
- LOOKS LIKE YOUR RUNNING DAYS
ARE OVER, HUH?
- YEAH, THANKS TO YOU GUYS,
I GUESS THEY ARE.
- HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE,
GUYS.
- WOW.
- WHAT'S WITH THE OUTFITS?
- THEY'RE COCKTAIL DRESSES.
WE'RE HAVING COCKTAILS.
YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THAT?
- WELL, IF I
DIDN'T KNOW ANY BETTER,
I'D SAY YOU WERE
A COUPLE OF HIGH-PRICED--
- WHAT?
HIGH-PRICED WHAT?
- PRINCESSES?
- DAMN RIGHT WE ARE.
NOW, GO GET US A BURGER
AND DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING
IN RETURN.
- NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY DAYS OF BEING PUSHED AROUND
IN THIS BAR ARE OVER.
- YEAH? WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA DO ABOUT IT?
- YEAH, WHAT?
- DUST STORM!
OW! OH! OW!
AAH!
[upbeat music]
?
- YEAH.
- ? ACME
[glass shatters]