The Exes (2011–2015): Season 2, Episode 8 - How Holly Got Her Groove Back - full transcript

I cannot believe

you're actually piling
your dirty dishes

on top of a pile
of already...dirty dishes.

Danger, danger.
Angry wife in the house.

I got this one.

Honey, your butt looks great
in those jeans.

Of course it does.
I spin.

Uh, don't change the subject.

Look. Look at this place.

It's a pigsty.
Haven't you even noticed?

Well, it's hard
to notice anything



with you rockin' those Levis.

Stop.

All right, we've noticed.

But we figured you'd get around
to cleaning up.

Like you always do.

Hmm. No.

No, like I always did.

The old Stuart
would have suffered in silence

and continued cleaning

while secretly
building resentment

to the point where
our sex life became nonexistent.

You do realize we were joking
about the jeans, right?

Okay, look.

Look, you know what I mean.



Which is why I took action
and hired a housekeeper.

Mm-hmm,
her name is Amelia,

she starts this morning,
we're all chipping in.

End of story.

Look at you taking charge
like a big boy.

- Okay, I'm in.
- All right.

Well, I don't like it.

I mean, this is my office.

I don't want some stranger
hovering over me

while I'm conducting
international business.

You're playing video golf.

Yes.

With a client in Tokyo,
and afterwards,

we're going out
for virtual drinks.

♪ We lost our homes

♪ we lost our wives

♪ three strangers,
what we gonna do? ♪

♪ our divorce lawyer said

♪ she'll put a roof
over our head ♪

♪ yeah,
she came to our rescue ♪

♪ she's where we go
when our hearts are broken ♪

♪ where we turn
when we finally learn ♪

Good morning.

Guess what I know
that you don't know.

Well, you better not
be going into labor,

because we got a full day.

Paul came back to work today,

and he's on his way down
to see you.

You're kidding.

Oh, I better go get ready
to look nonchalant.

This is your chance

to finally find out
if Paul's into you.

I know,
but he's so impossible to read.

I thought he was maybe
making the moves on me

that time we were working late
at my apartment.

But then he had to go
and have a stupid heart attack.

Well, get ready.

He's gonna be here any second.

Okay, w-w-wait.
Which pose is better?

At the desk,
so that I can casually look up

and say, "oh, Paul, hi"?

Or walking around
like I'm deep in thought

so that I can make
a dramatic turn,

like, "oh, Paul, hi"?

Is there a third choice?

Oh, Paul, hi!

Look at you.
You're beautiful.

Well, I just threw this on.

Pregnancy really agrees
with you.

So you're the surrogate
for the boss and his wife.

That's very exciting stuff.

- And Holly.
- Yes?

Hello.

Hello, Paul.

Good-bye, Eden.

You look great, Paul.

I feel great.

After my little ticker incident,
I had an epiphany.

So I went to Hawaii
to take stock and reflect.

Then one idyllic day,

I was walking along
a white sand beach,

when I stepped on a jellyfish,
got stung by a bee,

and hit on the head
with a coconut.

Which led to my second epiphany.

Get the hell out of Hawaii.

Oh!

Holly, before I left,
I picked this up for you.

- For me?
- Yeah.

Oh, Paul.

It's beautiful.

Makes me feel so special.

Look what Paul left on my desk.

I got them
for all the women in the office.

The men got ukuleles.

They just make you smile.

So you got them for everyone.

That's great.

Holly,

you and I
have something unresolved

we need to talk about.

Oh, I think so too.

They still haven't settled
that case we were working on.

It's like
you're reading my mind.

You know,
it's my first day back,

so I'm kind of swamped.

If it isn't too much to ask,

could you stay and work late?

She'd love to.

In fact--ooh!--Lightbulb.

You should work
at Holly's place.

- Eden!
- Well, I'd love to.

Oh, well, me too.

Well, sounds great.
How about 7:00?

7:00 it is.

You're a pushy little thing,
aren't you?

Well, someone's got
to move things along.

It's like watching snail porn.

You're right.

Tonight, no matter what,

I'm gonna find out
how Paul feels about me.

Oh, look.

It's engraved.

"To a very special woman."

Did he get yours engraved?

No.

Okay, time to do this room.

I told you I'm working here.

Working? You haven't moved
in three hours.

Could you cut the vacuum?

I'm in the middle of a big deal!

You're in the middle
of a big sandwich.

And you're watching TV.

It's called
right brain/left brain.

More like
right cheek/left cheek.

Well, aren't you just a
delightful little island breeze?

Look.
I have a job to do.

So, if you don't mind--

Oh, but...

I do mind.

So don't make me get up.

'Cause I will.

I'd like to see that,
lazy bones.

You wanna dance, sweetheart?

'Cause I will dance.

Oh.

Well, bring it on, couch boy.

You know,
I don't think I like you.

Oh, now you're gon' break
my heart.

Awful woman!

Miserable man!

Okay, Eden,
I'm laying out the bait.

Okay, so I've got work
on one table,

and I've got wine on another.

Let's see which one he goes for.

Wine, he likes me:
Work, he doesn't.

No, you're lame.

Hey, Paul, come on in.

Thanks. Hey,
you're wearing the necklace.

Oh, yeah.

I love it.
It's beautiful.

They were a big hit.
I got 75 thank yous.

Oh, wine.

Would you like some?

- Sounds good.
- Oh, yes, it does.

Can I pour you a glass?

Yes, please.

There we are.

Thank you.

Mm, this is nice, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Let's get to work.

Ruhr-oh.

Uh, what's going on here?

Whatever do you mean?

I mean, Amelia was here today,

and it doesn't look
like anything got done.

I beg to differ.

Okay.

All I can say is,

when the "old ball and chain"
gets home,

there's gonna be
some serious drama.

Oh...my...God!

And we're off.

Haskell, what happened?

Look at this.
There's laundry in the corner.

There's dust
on all the table tops.

The kitchen is a disgrace.

What on earth
did she spend her day doing?

I don't know.

I was in and out all day.

Well, obviously,
this isn't gonna work out.

She's gotta go.

For the love of God, no!

What are you
so emotional about?

This morning
you didn't even want her here.

And how wrong I was.

This woman came to this country

with nothing but a mop
and a dream.

And a medical degree.

All in search of a better life.

So...excuse me if I'm
a believer in second chances,

but...maybe that's just me.

Okay, fine.

Fine, she gets another chance.

But the responsibility's
on you.

You're gonna have
to stay on top of her.

Consider it done.

So what do you say

we counter opposing counsel's
counterproposal

with a counter-counterproposal?

'Kay.

- Holly?
- What?

Is there something
on your mind?

Yes, let's take a break.

Unless you want
to keep working--

which I'm fine with.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Hoping I'd say what?

That we should keep working
or take a break?

Yes.

Yes, we should keep working?
Or yes, we should take a break?

Absolutely.

- We should take a break.
- Oh, good.

Paul, the last time
you were here,

uh, before the incident...

You were saying
that we made a good team.

And we do.

Okay, well,
about that, you see...

There's something
I've been wondering.

What's that?

Well, I was wondering
how you felt

about...me.

Yes?

Drafting a letter
to opposing counsel.

- So you're good with it then?
- Mm-hmm.

Good morning.

Morning.

- That was a nice surprise, huh?
- Yeah.

- Yeah, it was.
- Mmm.

- Holly?
- Yeah.

I love you.

Oh, it's you.

Oh.

Listen, guys,

I-listen,
I really need your help.

What's up?

Remember that guy Paul,
from my office,

that I really liked?

Well, last night,
I slept with him.

- Way to go!
- Oh, congratulations!

Then something
really freaky happened.

- That's what I'm talkin' about!
- Way to go!

What does it mean

when somebody says "I love you"

right after the first time
you've had sex?

Oh.

Ooh.
Holly, that means bad news.

No guy says "I love you"
after sex.

Before, we'll say anything.

During, who's listening?

But after?

He's a freak-ass mama's boy.

Exhibit "A"--
in three, two, one.

There is nothing wrong
when a man opens his heart...

Declares his true feelings.

I rest my case.

I just cannot believe
that he said "I love you"

after the first night of sex.

Who does that?

Who are you?

Amelia, the housekeeper.

Oh, good.
This place needs it.

It's a mess.

Good morning, Amelia.

Good morning.

Now...

Look, I appreciate
that you overcame great odds

in coming to this country.

I flew coach on united.

Oh.

Well, anyway, to be honest,

I was a little disappointed
in yesterday's work.

And to that end,

I've prepared
a detailed cleaning list.

It's prioritized by "must clean"
to..."Also must clean."

I'll do my best.

Remember, you're in charge.

Don't be afraid to ride her.

Ah, Amelia.

Yesterday was,

well, it was
the greatest Tuesday ever.

But--but look.

I don't want you
to lose your job.

And so maybe--

maybe we should resist
temptation.

Perhaps that would be best.

Especially since
Stuart put me in charge

of making sure
the work gets done.

Oh, so then
that would make you my boss.

Yeah, I suppose so.

So then you have
the power over me.

I guess you could say that.

Sort of like I was
an innocent young chambermaid.

And I was Toby,

the foppish son of the Duke.

Who you introduced
to the ways of love.

Take me, Toby, take me.

Come! I will!

Paul's called five times.

Oh, God.

You can't keep hiding from him.

Oh, watch me.

Nobody says "I love you"
after one night.

It's not the normal progression
of things.

It goes "I like you,
I love you,

marry me,
do you have to floss so loud?"

Okay, this is why
I don't date women.

You're all nuts.

- Holly, you got a minute?
- Oh, actually--

- I'll hold your calls.
- Oh.

You've been avoiding me
all morning,

and I think I know why.

That whole "I love you" thing
was pretty bizarre.

After my heart scare,
I've been really emotional,

and I-I guess
I just got swept away.

Anyway, I'm sure
it freaked you out.

No.

Okay, a little.

Okay, a lot.

Okay, it scared
the hell out of me.

Well, let me put your mind
at ease.

I don't love you.

Y-you don't?

Of course not.

So let's just
put this all behind us

and pretend it never happened.

I love you.

- Ha...
- What was I thinking?

What's going on, man?
You said it was urgent.

It is.

I was suspicious

of what Amelia was doing
all day...

- Mm-hmm.
- So I set up a nanny cam.

Very funny, Stuart.

- Oh, my God, you're serious.
- Yeah.

Warning--

What you're about to see

contains graphic
and disturbing images.

Very disturbing.

Okay, I don't see
what the big deal is.

- There's Amelia.
- Mm-hmm.

- And there's Haskell.
- Yeah.

And there's Amelia and Haskell
on the couch.

Uh-huh.

There's Amelia and Haskell--
oh, my eyes!

Her website was right.

She does get to all
the hard-to-reach places.

Can you believe this?

No!

For a big guy, Haskell
is sure light on his knees.

My man's rockin' the house!

That's all you have to say?

Oh, come on.

Could you do all of that

with a remote in one hand
and a sandwich in the other?

Do you not see
the moral implications of this?

We're basically paying
for Haskell to have sex.

You know what that makes us?

Really awesome roommates?

No, trick-ass bitches.

Haskell, we're home.

We're coming in now.

Good evening, gents.

Haskell, we need to talk.

We know about you and Amelia.

How?
Who told you?

And what are you talking about?

Look, I set up a nanny cam
to see if she was cleaning,

- and it recorded everything.
- Everything?

Everyting, man.

Well, what do you have
to say for yourself, Haskell?

- Haskell?
- Shh, let's see what happens.

No, no, no.

No, I'll tell you what happens.

This little scam of yours
is over.

I'm not paying for this anymore.

So what's that mean?

I have to split it with Phil?

No, I'm cool,
but I'm not that cool.

You don't understand.

These were the most magical
two days of my life.

Every fantasy come true.

Well, you gotta
pay for it yourself now.

You're right, it's over.

Where am I ever gonna find
another woman like that?

Where are you going?

Craigslist.

Well, that was
a pretty full day.

Mm.

You finished that deposition,
got a new client,

and threw away your only shot
at happiness.

High five.

Hey, it's over.

Paul said he didn't love me.

But isn't that good?

No.

Saying "I love you" is weird,

but taking it back
is even worse.

Then what did you want him
to say?

I wanted him to say,
"I don't love you,

"but I like you a lot.
Let's keep seeing each other."

Okay, then talk to him.
Tell him how you feel.

I can't.

Oh, if I were 4 feet taller,
I'd smack you.

Your fiance cheated on you.

It hurt.
I get it.

But you can't let that stop you

from putting yourself out there
and taking a chance.

Just leave it alone.

All right, okay, I'm done.

Out of your business.

Oh, Paul.

Oh! Hey!

Oops.

Sorry, I tripped.

It happens.

So I started drafting
that counterproposal.

Oh, good.

Well, um, if they sign it,
then we're done.

- Hi, Paul.
- Sandra.

So great to have you back.

I never got a chance
to thank you for the necklace.

Oh, my pleasure.

You know, if you, uh,
aren't busy later,

maybe we could go get a drink?

Oops. Getting off.

Okay.

Here's the thing.

I like you.

I've liked you
from the minute I met you.

Really?

Yeah.
So now you know.

I had no idea
you felt that way.

And?

Sorry, I have a sneeze coming up.

False alarm.

And?

- Sorry, I got another one.
- Forget the sneeze!

And...

I love you too. A lot.

Of course I do.

That's why I bought the necklace, to show
you, but then I got nervous thinking

"What if the feeling is not mutual?"
so then I got one for everyone else.

Now, the ukuleles,
well, they just make you smile.

- I think it's that plinky noise...
- Just kiss me.

Too late, ladies.