The Exes (2011–2015): Season 1, Episode 9 - When Holly Broke Kevin - full transcript

Hey, Stuart.

I'd like you to meet my friend
and client, Kevin Tyler.

Hey, nice to meet you.
I'm a... I'm a big, big fan.

Easy with the shake there, buddy.

That's his shooting hand.

He's more protective than my mother.

Okay, well, look.

Who signed you out of college, huh?

Who got you your first sneaker deal?

She may be your mommy, but who's your daddy?

Hello.



Haskell Lutz.

Oh, Phil told me you might be dropping by.

I'm your biggest fan.

I see that.

Yeah, if it's not too much trouble,

would you mind signing these?

Haskell, he doesn't have
time to sign all of those.

I just need a sample,
I'll take care of the rest.

Haskell, please.
I brought him here to relax.

He has a big game tonight,

and I don't want any distractions.

Asking as a fan,
not as one who would ever engage

in sports wagering,

uh, are you guys gonna
cover the spread tonight?



What about the over-under? Throw me a bone.

Haskell.

You didn't hear it from me,

but tonight, we're gonna crush it.

Interesting.

Uh, excuse me, I don't mean to be rude,

but I need to call my
sick Uncle Reno in Vegas.

Hey, Phil, I need to borrow...

Hello.

Hey. How you doing?

- How you doing?
- Okay...

Holly, I'd like you to meet
my client, Kevin Tyler.

He plays for...

Yeah, I know who he plays for.

He plays for...

- New York.
- New York.

Yeah, I'm a big fan of...

- Basketball.
- Basketball.

I'm sorry.

I just don't...

Get out much.

I was going to say, "follow sports."

Well, maybe you should check it out.

Maybe I will.

Maybe I like that.

Maybe I like it more.

Okay, maybe you all should
realize I'm standing right here.

Oh, oh, okay. Sorry.

I just remembered, I... you know,

I have a brand new phone number,

that's why I came over, so, um,

I wonder where I should write it down.

You know what might be helpful?

Let me put it in your phone,
and you could forward it to him.

* Du du du du *

* du du du du *

* du du *

In the face! That's my dog.

That's my dog! Give me some!

Excuse me. Hi.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Kevin invited me. Can you believe it?

I don't even remember how he got my number.

Hey, Kevin. It's Holly!

Oh, my God, I'm on that big screen.

Oh, my eyebrows could really use a tweezing.

Relax, they're showing you

because you're in the girlfriend seat.

I'm in the girl...

I'm in the girlfriend seat.

How many women get that honor?

You really don't know anything
about basketball, huh?

Oh, oh, oh...

What's wrong?

Kevin got fouled.

He's going to the line to shoot two.

Oh.

Hey, Kevin!

It's me, Holly, in the girlfriend seat!

Just put the thingy in the thingy.

You can do it!

Good for you. Oh...

Sit yourself down.

Gosh, I'm just having fun.

What are you so uptight about?

Thanks to Kevin,
this team is on a winning streak.

He's having the season of his life.

If he keeps playing like this,
we're gonna get

a fat new contract,
and all our dreams come true.

Yes! He made it!

I love you, man!

Kevin! I...Love...You.

Maybe you should be sitting
in the girlfriend seat.

Hey.

I caught the end of the
game at the bar downstairs.

You must've won your bet.

How much did you make?

45 bucks.

Well, that's a tidy little sum.

It's nothing!

It makes me sick to think
what I could have made

if I had more money to put down.

I need a partner, a backer,

perhaps a professional with
a thriving dental practice.

No, no, no, no, no.

I don't gamble.

I have been known to buy the
occasional raffle ticket

just for the adrenaline rush, but...

No, no, gambling's not for me.

Gambling?

Who said anything about gambling?

It's not gambling if you
know who's going to win.

How do you know who's going to win?

You met Kevin this morning.

He's in the zone.

I smell a winner.

The thing is...Can you?

I might have a little
fun money lying around.

You really think it's a sure thing?

Well, there are no sure things,
but it's a can't-lose.

Really? It's a can't-lose?

Absolutely, it's a sure thing.

Wait a minute,

is it a sure thing or a can't-lose?

Just fork over the money!

Ah, Kevin, you killed it tonight.

- Hmm.
- Best game all season.

Thanks, man.

Well, we've got time for a quick celebration

and then, good night.

All right, good night, Phil.

Good night, Phil.

Oh. Okay.

Yeah, oh... yeah... I...
I... Good night, Kevin!

Night, man!

Holly, can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah.

What are you doing? He has a game tomorrow.

Relax, grandma.
Your golden boy's safe with me.

Now if you'll excuse me,

there's a gentleman waiting
for me in my apartment

which for the last eight months,

has been known as the dead zone.

I had so much fun tonight.

I hope I didn't embarrass
you by cheering too loudly.

Oh, trust me.

I never mind a beautiful
woman screaming out my name.

Well, that's flattering,

but listen, let me be honest with you.

I know how you guys live.

I mean, women throwing themselves at you,

but I'm not like that.

It's just not me, you know.

I want to start slow

and just get to know each
other a little better.

Holly, I get it. That's cool.

Holly, answer the door already, it's me!

Holly!

Where were you?

You had me worried to death.

It's already noon,
you didn't show up to work, and...

Oh, my God! You've had sex.

The world looks different.

Colors seem more vibrant,

noises from the outside
suddenly seem melodic.

You seem taller.

So dish! Who? How? Who? How? Who?

That's who.

Whoa...

When you get back in the game,

you really don't mess around.

I'd like you to meet my assistant, Eden.

Nice to meet you.

You, too.

And I'll see you later.

All right.

Um, how did this happen because last week,

you were on match.
Com trolling for accountants.

I know.

He's a client of Phil's.

I met him yesterday.

Oh, dirty whore.

Well, I'm going to the game again tonight.

I'm gonna sit in the girlfriend seat.

I can't believe it!

Neither can I.

Okay, well, I'm going to
get back to the office

where I won't spread this around?

His name's Kevin Tyler.

Spread it like peanut butter.

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey, Phil.

What is happening?

Give me some, give me some,
give me some, give me some.

Tonight's gonna be a good game, y'all.

Ah, yeah. How's Kevin, huh?

Is he psyched? Is he focused? Is he ready?

Kevin's always ready, but look.

Dallas is tough.

"Tough"? Whoa.

What do you mean "tough"?

I was led to believe this was a slam dunk.

There's no chance they could lose, is there?

- Hey.
- Ow!

Take it easy, will you?

I mean, we're in this together.

You're not the only one who's
got money on this game.

Yes, I am. We bet my money.

Hey.

Look at me, I'm back in the girlfriend seat.

Kevin Tyler's girl.

Ah.

Game's about to start.

I didn't get the chance
to speak to Kevin today.

Did he get home early last night?

Oh, I can promise you he
was in bed by midnight.

All right, now. Tip-off.

Tip-off.

Kevin gets the ball...

Whoa, whoa.

Brings it up to the elbow,
pulls up for the "J" and...

Nothing. Air ball.

Haskell, he missed it.

Why did he miss it, Haskell?

How do I know?

And watch the hands, Romeo.

You're one graze away from a moment

we may never come back from.

I don't like the way he's running up court.

Kevin seems tired.
His legs are kind of rubbery.

Oh, my goodness, did he just yawn?

Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine.

He's got lots of stamina.

Lots and lots of stamina.

Holly,

what happened with you and Kevin last night?

Let's just say he got the
thingy in the thingy.

I specifically said no distractions.

That wasn't a distraction,
that guy left so happy.

Trust me,

he's going to have the game of his life.

Oh!

No, Kevin, no!

I'm starting to have a bad
feeling about this one, Stuart.

Finally, they're giving Kevin a rest.

They're not giving him a rest.

The coach is benching him.

Thanks to you, he just had the worst game

of his career.

Oh, maybe I should go down
there and cheer him up.

Holly, you cheer him up any more,

he'll be on life support.

My hard-earned money gone.

Poof.

You said this was a sure thing.

Hey, it's gambling.

You said it wasn't gambling.

I said it was a can't-lose.

So how did we lose?

Because it wasn't a sure thing.

But you said it was a sure thing.

Look, we can go round
and round on this thing,

but you gambled, and you lost.

Oh, it's you.

I was hoping it would be Kevin.

Oh, no, no.

I dropped him off at his
place where he's safe, sound,

and asleep in his own bed, alone.

I can't believe you're blaming me

for what happened tonight.

I mean, it's not like he's
the first professional

basketball player ever to have a little sex

the night before a game.

A little?

Holly, you drained him like a car battery.

This car's been stuck in a garage

for the last eight months.

Undriven.

I can't help it if the brakes didn't work.

I'll go easy on him next time.

Holly, no, no.

There... there can't be a next time.

You're telling me not to see the guy?

No, no.

I... I'd never get into
your business like that.

I'm just saying you can't have sex with him.

What?

Just till the season's over.

Phil, no.

I came back from the dead last night.

Forces were unleashed, gates were opened.

It was fun.

I liked it.

I'm good at it.

Holly, Holly.

I'm not asking you to stop.

I'm just saying, hold off for a bit.

Be like one of those African Lungfish.

You know, the lake dries up,

and they just sit there waiting
for the rains to come back.

What if I need it to rain before then?

You ever considered
walking in the rain alone?

Just what do you think this
fish has been surviving on?

Holly, I know it's a lot to ask,

but there's a lot at stake here

for me and Kevin.

I'm asking you to do me this favor.

As a friend.

You played the friendship card.

That's not fair.

Did it work?

Yeah, it worked.

On one condition.

You go without it, too.

Okay.

I won't have sex with Kevin, either.

Hey, beautiful.

Hi.

Sorry about last night.

It's one of those games,

but today's a new day.

Hmm.

I got a good night's sleep,

and I'm back, baby.

Um, Kevin.

As much as I enjoyed the other night...

And believe me, I did...

How about we slow things down a little bit

and just get to know
each other a little bit?

Okay, what do you wanna do?

Um...

Well, are you a fan of board games?

No.

Do you like books?

They're all right.

Oh, good. We'll read to each other.

"Lolita...

Light of my life, fire of my loins."

Screw the book.

You know, we don't need
books or board games.

Let's just talk and get
to know each other better.

Okay.

Uh...Uh...

So, Kevin, what made you decide
to become a basketball player?

Holly, I'm almost 7 feet tall.

Yes, you are.

A big strong man...

With big strong hands...

And big strong shoulders.

Is there anything else you want to ask me?

Yes.

Do you remember where my bedroom is?

Yes.

I'm so sorry.

Is his back going to be okay?

We won't know until we
take him to the hospital.

Can you describe what happened?

Oh, I thought he was faking
left and going right,

but instead he was driving
straight to the bucket.

Call Phil.

I'm not going to be able to play tonight.

Oh, no, no, no. Don't panic.

You'll probably be up
on your feet in no time.

Damn, woman.

Oh, my God.

I broke Kevin.

- Oh, hey, Phil.
- Hey.

Check out the nice write-up my
boy got in the daily news.

Oh.

"One bad game doesn't change
the fact that Kevin Tyler

may join the ranks of the game's elite."

Hear that?

- Hmm.
- My boy's elite.

Oh, yes, he is.

Holly, I gotta thank you.

I know how much you like Kevin.

Had to be tough to hold out.

Oh, yeah.

- It was tough.
- Hmm.

One might even say damn near impossible.

The point is, you did it.

And you did it for me.

You're a good friend.

Well, see, here's the
thing about friendship.

You know, it's almost as
much about intentions,

as it is about not doing or even doing

the thing you intended not to do.

You slept with Kevin again!

Holly, you promised you wouldn't!

Oh, I tried. I failed.

I'm sorry.

Ah, now he's going to have another bad game,

dragging his butt up and down the court.

That is if he gets his butt to the court.

Holly, what's going on?

Well, you know how,
in the throes of passion,

one could get thrown...

Off a bed...

Oh...

And over an end table.

Holly, please tell me Kevin's okay.

Well, he hurt his back, but the paramedic...

Paramedics?

There's paramedics?

Well, how else do you think
he got to the hospital?

Hospital?

Phil, I'm sorry. Oh, my God, I'm so...

You just couldn't keep a
promise for one night.

Now Kevin's laid up in the hospital.

Who knows how long he'll be put for?

I'm so...

Save it!

Ah, did you hear that?
Kevin's hurt, poor guy.

Yes...

It's a tragedy.

A horrible, horrible tragedy.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

We should send him a get-well basket.

Screw the basket!

The universe has handed us a gift.

Right now, you and I are
the only ones in this city

who know that Kevin won't
be playing tonight.

Oh, no, no, no.

I am done with gambling.

And don't tell me it's not gambling.

Oh, it's gambling.

And in gambling,
there are winners and losers.

And right now, you're a loser.

And it's eating you up, gnawing at you,

keeping you up nights.

I'll... I'll admit,

I haven't been getting my usual 91/2 hours.

91/2 hours?

What are you, a newborn?

This is our chance to win
back everything we lost,

and make a killing.

And to show you how confident I am,

I am willing to bet my own money.

How much?

As much as you will loan me.

Look, all we have to do is make one call.

Now tell me, do I make that call?

Are we losers,

or are we winners?

Make that call. We're winners.

Damn right, we are!

Hey, Phil. I'm so sorry.

Listen, I... I... just...
I screwed up big time.

I know that I ruined a
huge opportunity for you,

and what's worse,
I even betrayed our friendship.

God, I just... I really
hope you could find it

in your heart to for...
What are you looking at?

Is that Kevin? Kevin's playing?

Yup.

How long were you going to
let me twist in the wind?

Till it stopped being funny.

I don't get it.

They wheeled him out on a gurney.

I mean, I put that man down.

Well, it's the miracles
of modern sports medicine.

Yup, it took a team of chiropractors

and a boatload of cortisone,

but my boy is back on the court.

What a relief.

Again, I'm sorry.

No, Holly, I'm the one who should be sorry.

I was way over the line to ask you not to do

what I asked you not to do.

Even though you did it.

So we're okay?

- We're more than okay.
- Hmm.

Look at my man, running,
jumping, shooting...

Who's that bimbo in the girlfriend seat?

It's the freaking paramedic.

He was out of my sight for six hours.

How could he pick up a woman that fast?

Holly, he's a professional
basketball player.

Six hours is a dry spell.

Well, I might have almost killed him,

but at least I got my groove back.

Bartender,

two glasses of your finest cognac.

Oh, isn't that a little pricey?

Still thinking like a loser.

Poor, poor Stuart.

You know what? You're right.

I gotta get used to being a winner.

Guys, check it out.

It's a blowout.

My boy, Kevin's back!