The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 2, Episode 5 - Picture This!/TV or Not TV - full transcript

HI. I KNOW I DON'T
NORMALLY OPEN THE SHOW,

BUT KUZCO'S STILL
IN HIS DRESSING ROOM
PUTTING HIS FACE ON,

SO IT'S FINALLY
MY TURN TO SAY--

THEME MUSIC.

♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO THE THRONE ♪

♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO SUCCESS ♪

♪ BUT HE HAS
TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪

♪ HE'S GOT
TO ACE THAT TEST! ♪

♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪

♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY-- ♪

YOU KNOW,
IT'S ALL ABOUT ME.



♪ EXACTLY ♪

LET'S GO!

♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪

♪ HE'S GOT
TO LEARN HIS ABCs ♪

♪ THEY'LL TRY
TO STOP HIM TO TOP HIM ♪

TO DESTROY HIM, RIGHT?
UH...

K-U-Z-C-O.

KUZCO, KUZCO, GO, GO!

♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪

♪ HE'S GOT THE JOB
AND THE LOOKS ♪

♪ AND A HOTTIE
THAT COULD HELP HIM ♪

♪ READ THAT BIG, TALL BOOK ♪

LET'S GO!

♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪



COME ON, KUZCO.

♪ HE'S GOING
TO FULFILL HIS DESTINY ♪

♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL ♪

♪ IT'S ROYAL ♪

♪ THEY'LL HELP
AGAINST THE FOIL ♪

FRIENDS? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.

[LAUGHS]

SPELL MY NAME AGAIN!

K-U-Z-C-O.
KUZCO, KUZCO, GO, GO!

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DISNEY--ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

Kronk: FLASH.

FLASH.

FLASH.

UM, YOU BETTER
FIND SOMEONE ELSE

TO DO THIS ONE.
IT'S MY TURN.

WHO'S THAT FABULOUS
LOOKING EMPEROR-TO-BE?

OH, YEAH. IT'S ME!

KISSY, KISSY, KISSY.

KUZCO, WHY ARE YOU
MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL

OUT OF
A SCHOOL PORTRAIT?

FIRST, LOOKING GOOD
IS ITS OWN REWARD.

AND SECOND,
THIS YEAR'S SCHOOL YEARBOOK

IS BEING PUT
IN A TIME CAPSULE.

WELCOME TO KUZCO'S DOODLES.

THAT'S THE PART OF THE SHOW

WHERE I EXPLAIN
THE AWESOMENESS OF...

TIME CAPSULES.

SEE, THE SCHOOL YEARBOOK,
WITH MY ADORABLE PICTURE IN IT,

IS GOING TO BE PLACED
INSIDE A TIME CAPSULE,

AND THEN IT'S BURIED
IN THE TEMPLE OF TIAHUANACHI,

WHICH ONLY OPENS ITS DOORS
ONCE EVERY THOUSAND YEARS.

BYE-BYE.

THEN, IN THE FUTURE, PEOPLE
WILL OPEN THE TIME CAPSULES,

FIND MY AWESOME PICTURE,

AND SHOWER ME
WITH NEVER-ENDING PRAISE.

"ALL HAIL
THE GREAT AND HANDSOME KUZCO!"

[LAUGHS]

THAT'S WHAT
THEY'RE GOING TO SAY.

YOU SURE IT WASN'T
"ALL HAIL THE SELF-CENTERED,
EGOCENTRIC BRAGGART"?

UH, YES,
BECAUSE IN THE FUTURE

THEY MADE ALL WORDS
THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ILLEGAL. PICTURE TIME!

FLASH.

LOOKIN' GOOD.

KUZCO, LOOKS ARE
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

EASY FOR YOU TO SAY.
YOU'RE A HOTTIE-HOT-HOTTIE.

YOU WOULDN'T FEEL THE SAME

IF YOU WERE FUNNY-LOOKING,
LIKE GUACA OVER THERE.

KUZCO JUST
SAID MY NAME!

THAT MEANS I'M
ON HIS RADAR.

WHATEVER. LET'S JUST
GET THIS OVER WITH.

FLASH.

[BLOW DRYER WHIRS]

KUZCO, WHY
ARE YOU DOING THAT?

YOU'VE ALREADY
HAD YOUR PICTURE TAKEN.

HEY, LOOKING GOOD
IS A FULL-TIME JOB.

EXCUSE ME. MIGHT I
SUGGEST A RE-TAKE?

NO. IT'S JUST
NOT THAT IMPORTANT.

BOY, THESE LAST 2 MONTHS
SURE HAVE BEEN UNEVENTFUL.

WELL, WE DID
FIND THIS BIG
BOX OF COSTUMES.

Principal Amsey:
ATTENTION, STUDENTS.

THIS IS PRINCIPAL AMSEY.

DON'T FORGET TO PICK UP
YOUR YEARBOOKS IN THE GYM
AFTER LUNCH.

THAT IS ALL.

THAT OUGHT TO KEEP
THOSE INGRATES AMUSED

WHILE I PROCEED
WITH MY EVIL PLOT
TO TAKE OVER THE THRONE.

[EVIL LAUGH]

WAIT, IT'S STILL ON.

IGNORE THAT LAST PART.

I AM ONE HANDSOME DEVIL.

OH, LOOKIN' GOOD,
KRONK.

AAAH!

MY PICTURE!

WHAT?
IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD.

AAAAH!

[WHIMPERS]

THE EYES,
THE EYES!

MAKE THEM
STOP LOOKIN' AT ME!

THIS IS
YOUR FAULT!

HMM. WASN'T IT YOU
WHO SAID, "LOOKS
AREN'T IMPORTANT"?

THAT'S WHAT ALL
PRETTY PEOPLE SAY.

I'VE WORKED HARD
TO ESTABLISH

A CERTAIN STANDARD
OF PERFECTION,

AND I'M NOT GOING
TO LET THIS PICTURE
RUIN IT FOR ME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
NO RE-TAKES?

I'M SORRY. THE YEARBOOKS
ARE ALREADY PRINTED.

BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

YOUR PORTRAIT
LOOKS JUST LIKE

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN IN THE KINGDOM,

YZMA.

OH, HEY, MALINA?

I JUST WANTED
TO SAY THANKS.

YOUR YEARBOOK PORTRAIT
REALLY SAVED MY CROP.

[CAW!]

ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S IT.

I'VE GOT TO
DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THIS.

[CROWD CHEERING]

HELLO,
I'M THE SCHOOL'S

OFFICIAL YEARBOOK
INSPECTOR.

MAY I SEE YOUR
YEARBOOK, PLEASE?

SURE.

I HOPE EVERYTHING
IS IN ORDER.

YOU DROPPED YOUR
MUSTACHE AND HARPOON,
MR. INSPECTOR, SIR.

WELL,
IT TOOK 17 WEEKS,

BUT THAT'S
THE LAST OF THEM.

SO LONG, BAD PHOTO.

UH, YEAH, UH...

WHAT ABOUT
THE TIME CAPSULE YEARBOOK?

THE YEARBOOK
BURIED IN THE TEMPLE?

THE ONE TO BE CLOSED
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS,

THAT YEARBOOK.

AAH!

I TOTALLY FORGOT.

I WONDER WHAT FUTURE
GENERATIONS WILL THINK

WHEN THEY
SEE YOUR PICTURE.

AND THERE
ON THE DOOR HANDLE

WAS THE HOOK OF...
THE MALINA BEAST!

[SHOUTING]

THOSE KIDS ARE GOING
TO HAVE NIGHTMARES FOR WEEKS.

I KNOW
WHAT I HAVE TO DO--

UNEARTH
THAT TIME CAPSULE

AND DESTROY
THE ONE REMAINING
TERRIBLE PICTURE OF ME,

AND YOU TWO
ARE GOING TO HELP.

I'M IN,
UNDER ONE CONDITION.

I GET TO USE THE CHIPPER
FOR 5 MINUTES.

YAY, YAY! MANGO-EE.

YAY, WATERMELON-EE!

YAY, POMEGRANATE-EE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[LAUGHS]

AH, DON'T WORRY.
IT'S A CUTOUT.

WE HAD A BUNCH LEFT OVER
AFTER THE SHORT-LIVED

YZMA'S NEW GROOVE
PROMOTION.

YZMA'S NEW GROOVE?
NEVER HEARD OF IT.

THERE'S A REASON.

WE'VE ONLY
GOT 3 HOURS TO FIND
THE SECRET CAPSULE ROOM

BEFORE
THE TEMPLE DOORS CLOSE
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.

WE'D HAVE A LOT MORE TIME

IF KUZCO HADN'T
SPENT THE WHOLE MORNING

PICKING OUT A WALKING STICK.

YOU GUYS ARE JUST JEALOUS

'CAUSE I FOUND
THE BEST WALKING STICK EVER.

I'M GONNA GO
FIND ANOTHER ONE.
COME ON!

"CHOOSE ONE OF THE LEVERS
TO GUIDE YOU FROM THIS ROOM.

ONE LEADS TO THE CAPSULE,
ONE LEADS TO CERTAIN DOOM."

OH, A LEVER!

THIS IS
WHERE KRONK SHINES.

WAIT, KRONK!

YOU ALWAYS PULL
THE WRONG LEVER.

WHAT WE NEED TO DO
IS PULL THE LEVER
YOU WOULDN'T PICK.

GOT IT.

UNLESS THAT'S WHAT
THE TEMPLE WANTS ME TO DO.

I'D BETTER PICK
THE OTHER ONE.

UNLESS HE KNOWS THAT
I KNOW THAT HE KNOWS

THAT I WOULDN'T
PICK THE OTHER LEVER.

TOUCHÉ, MR. TEMPLE.

[GASPS]

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
THAT HE WAS THINKING
THAT I WAS THINKING

THAT HE WAS--

YEAH, THIS WENT ON FOR,
LIKE, ANOTHER 2 HOURS, SO...

[FAST-FORWARDING]

OH, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

EENY, MEENY,
MINEY, MO.

[YAWNS]
CATCH A TIGER
BY ITS TOE.

ALL RIGHT, WAKE ME UP
WHEN SOMETHING HAPPENS.

HEY,
CHECK IT OUT, GUYS.

SECRET PASSAGEWAY.
I BET IT LEADS
RIGHT TO THE--

MINEY MO!

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL WHIMPERING]

Malina:
WE'RE DOOMED.

HOLD ON!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Kronk: OW.

OW! HEY!

WHO DESIGNED
THIS MINE CAR, ANYWAY?

YOU'RE SURE
THIS TUNNEL IS TALL ENOUGH?

WE'LL JUST PUT UP
SOME WARNING SIGNS.

OHH,
TOO FAST, TOO FAST!

NO WORRIES, I'LL JUST PULL
THIS BRAKE AS HARD AS I CAN.

OOPS.

[ALL SCREAMING]

YEAH, MALINA,
THIS IS GETTING TO BE
A REAL PAIN IN THE BUTT.

UH, KUZCO.
ALLIGATOR.

AAH!

MALINA,
LET'S GO BACK.

FORGET ABOUT
THAT ONE BAD PICTURE.

YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL
PERSON ON THE INSIDE.

[THINKING]
AND A HOTTIE-HOT-HOTTIE
ON THE OUTSIDE.

BUT IT'S THE INSIDE
THAT REALLY COUNTS.

KUZCO, THAT'S
THE SWEETEST THING

YOU'VE
EVER SAID TO ME.

NOW LESS TALKING,
MORE WALKING.

I'M SURE
THE WORST IS OVER.

[SHOUTING]

Both: OOF.

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

THE TIME CAPSULE!

[GASPS]

THERE'S A BACK DOOR
TO THIS PLACE? GRR.

TO OPEN THE CAPSULE,
YOU MUST ANSWER
THIS ONE QUESTION.

IF A LLAMA
IS RUNNING A MARATHON

AND IT PASSES THE LLAMA
IN SECOND PLACE,

WHAT PLACE IS IT IN?

IT'S A TRICK QUESTION.

YOU CAN'T MAKE A LLAMA
RUN MORE THAN A FEW FEET,

MUCH LESS
AN ENTIRE MARATHON.

THEY'RE STUBBORN.

THE LLAMA IS OBVIOUSLY
IN FIRST PLACE

BECAUSE HE'S AHEAD OF
THE SECOND-PLACE LLAMA.

NO, KUZCO.

IF HE PASSED THE
SECOND-PLACE LLAMA,

THAT WOULD PUT HIM
IN SECOND PLACE.

THE ANSWER
IS SECOND PLACE.

NO, IT WAS
A TRICK QUESTION.

YOU CAN'T MAKE A LLAMA
RUN A MARATHON.

THEY'RE STUBBORN.

HEH. TOLD YA.

YOU HAVE 37 SECONDS
BEFORE THE TEMPLE DOORS
CLOSE FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.

PLEASE BE SURE
TO VISIT OUR GIFT SHOP
ON THE WAY OUT.

OH, I'M GOING TO GET
A MUG WITH MY NAME ON IT.

WELL, LET'S SEE.
THEY'VE GOT "KRANK,"

"KRENK," "KROONK."

OHHH!

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S GO.

I'M NOT LEAVING
WITHOUT THAT YEARBOOK.

[GRUNTS]

THE DOOR!

[GRUNTING]

[BANGING]

MALINA,
WE GOTTA LEAVE.

I GOT A THING
ON WEDNESDAY.

Kuzco:
WE CAN'T HOLD IT.

[GRUNTING]

IT'S TOO...HEAVY.

[ALL PANTING]

WHEW, THAT WAS CLOSE.
I COULD'VE GOT A BLISTER.

HEH. I CAN'T
BELIEVE WE MADE IT.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE
I SHOULD'VE JUST GONE
WITH THE "KROONK" MUG.

COULD'VE JUST CROSSED
OUT THE EXTRA "O."

I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT CAME OVER ME.

I PUT MY FRIENDS'
LIVES AT RISK
FOR A PICTURE.

YEAH, EVEN I THINK
THAT'S SELF-ABSORBED.

WELL, IT
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

YOU WERE RIGHT,
KUZCO.

IT'S WHAT'S INSIDE
THAT COUNTS.

I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE
TO LIVE WITH THE FACT

THAT FUTURE GENERATIONS
WILL SEE MY AWFUL,
AWFUL PICTURE.

I WANT
TO LOOK LIKE MALINA,

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
WHO EVER LIVED.

YOU WANTED TO SEE ME,
PRINCIPAL AMSEY?

YES, KRONK.

I HAVE GREAT NEWS.

GUESS WHO WANTS
TO DO A FULL WRITE-UP
ON ME AND MY PALACE?

ELEGANT EMPRESS
MAGAZINE.

UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S
STILL A SMALL MATTER

OF ME NOT
BEING AN EMPRESS
OR HAVING A PALACE.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
THAT YOU WANTED
TO BE EMPRESS...

PRINCIPAL AMSEY.

OH, FOR THE LOVE
OF NICHU BUCHU,

IT'S ME, YZMA!

CAN YOU GIVE ME
A HAND HERE?

MY DRESS IS STUCK.

DO I HAVE TO?
KRONK!

LITTLE FAVOR. NEXT TIME,
JUST TELL ME IT'S YOU.

WHAT I NEED NOW
IS A PLAN
TO DISTRACT EVERYONE

SO I CAN SNEAK
INTO THE PALACE

AND FOOL THE REPORTER
FROM THE MAGAZINE.

[DING]

OH, OH, OH, I KNOW!

WE FIND 36 CHINCHILLAS,
TAPE THEM TOGETHER--

WHY 36 CHINCHILLAS?
WHY NOT 37?

WHERE AM I SUPPOSED
TO GET 37 CHINCHILLAS?

YOU JUST SAID
WE SHOULD GET 36!

IS THIS YOUR PLAN?
IS THIS YOUR PLAN?
NO, NO, IT'S MINE.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE
TO GET YOUR FINGERPRINTS

ALL OVER EVERYTHING,
DON'T YOU?

JUST ONCE,
I'D LIKE TO--

YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S FINE.

FORGET IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHY I
EVEN PUT MYSELF OUT THERE.

AW, I'M SORRY, KRONK.

I'M SURE
IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

WELL, I GUESS
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

STUDENTS, SCIENCE
WILL ONE DAY GIVE US
GREAT ADVANCEMENTS

WE CAN ONLY IMAGINE,

LIKE FLIGHTS
TO THE MOON

AND--AND--AND...

WATERPROOF TACOS! HA HA!

EXCUSE ME, MS. OOPATRAL.

WHEN IS SCIENCE GOING
TO INVENT "A BORING
TEACHER SAY WHAT"?

I'M SORRY?

THE "BORING TEACHER
SAY WHAT"?
WHAT?

[ALL LAUGHING]

YOU SAID "WHAT" BECAUSE
YOU'RE A BORING TEACHER.

OH, YES, YES.
VERY FUNNY, KUZCO,

BUT WOULD A BORING
TEACHER WHO SAYS "WHAT"

SHOW HER STUDENTS
TH-TH-THIS?

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S TV,

OR THINGY VIEWER,

THE NEXT BIG THINGY
IN LEARNING!

COME ON, WHY WOULD ANYONE
WANT TO WATCH THAT THING

WHEN THEY'VE GOT
AN AWESOME EMPEROR LIKE ME?

RIGHT, GUYS?

GUYS?

WHOA.
HOW DOES IT WORK?

WITH SCIENCE!

All: OOH!

HEY, CHECK IT OUT.

MS. OOPATRAL'S
WAVING. COOL!

I COULD WATCH THIS
ALL DAY!

I'M TOTALLY
MESMERIZED.

KRONK, LOOK
AT THE HYPNOTIC EFFECT

THAT BOX
HAS OVER EVERYONE.

THEY CAN'T TAKE
THEIR EYES OFF IT.

GOGGLE ME.

FIRST, WE INSTALL
ONE OF THESE TVs
IN EVERY HUT.

THEN WE TURN
ALL OF THE VILLAGERS

INTO MINDLESS
ZOMBIE COUCH POTATOES.

THEN WHEN
EVERYONE IS DISTRACTED,

I GIVE ELEGANT EMPRESS
MAGAZINE A TOUR
OF MY ROYAL PALACE.

THEY'LL WRITE UP
A GLOWING ARTICLE

AND I BECOME KNOWN
THE WORLD OVER

AS A GREAT
AND POWERFUL EMPRESS!

PLUS IT'LL REALLY
SHOW UP THOSE JERKS

AT MY HIGH SCHOOL
REUNION.

THOSE PEOPLE
ARE STILL ALIVE?

SO, JUST
FOR CLARIFICATION,

WE'RE DEFINITELY
NOT GOING WITH
THE CHINCHILLAS IDEA, RIGHT?

NO, KRONK.

I HAVE OTHER PLANS
FOR YOU, DEAR.

AND WELCOME BACK
TO COOKING WITH KRONK.

ALL RIGHT, WE GOT
OUR GLAZED LLAMA CHOPS

MARINATING IN LEMON SAUCE

AND OUR POTATO STEW
SIMMERING OVER A LOW FLAME.

BUT WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE CRANK IT UP A BIT?

BUCKY?

POW!

OK, YOU'RE ALL SET,

BUT, YOU KNOW,
FOR ONLY 20 MORE KUZ COINS

I COULD HOOK YOU UP
WITH THE PREMIUM PACKAGE.

IT COMES WITH
THE POTTERY CHANNEL,

TEMPLE MUNDO,

AND THE PUMA PLANET.

SO WHY
DO WE NEED A BOX

THAT JUST SPOUTS
MINDLESS DRIBBLE?

YEAH, THAT'S
TOBO HERE'S JOB!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

OOH, INCAN IDOL!

♪ SHE'LL BE BRINGING
LOTS OF PEBBLES
WHEN SHE COMES ♪

♪ SHE'LL BE BRINGING
LOTS OF PEBBLES
WHEN SHE COMES ♪

ALL RIGHT,
I'M GOING TO STOP
YOU RIGHT THERE.

TU,
I LIKE YOUR ENERGY.

YOU'VE GOT
A STRONG VOICE
AND A FRESH NEW LOOK

THAT SAYS,
"I'M A STAR."

YU, ON THE OTHER
HAND, WERE AWFUL.

TOTALLY UNORIGINAL.

I'VE SEEN IT
ALL BEFORE.

YOU HAVE NO FUTURE
IN THIS BUSINESS.

IS IT BACK ON?

IS IT BACK ON?

TV announcer:
WE NOW RETURN TO
EVERYBODY LOVES KRONK.

WELL, WE BETTER
GET GOING TO THE PROM

WHERE I'M SURE
EVERYTHING WILL GO
JUST AS EXPECTED.

HELLO.

2 DATES?!

[CANNED LAUGHTER]

[ALL LAUGHING]

OH, NO WONDER
EVERYBODY LOVES KRONK.

I DON'T LOVE KRONK.

HE'S GOT NONE OF THAT
TRADEMARK KUZCO CHARM.

SHH! KRONK'S
ABOUT TO RIG THE VOTES

SO BOTH OF HIS DATES
ARE CROWNED PROM QUEEN.

OH, KRONK,
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?

WHAT?
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.

HERE, TRY THIS ONE
ON FOR SIZE.

AHEM, WHY DID I BAN
POKER PLAYING IN THE JUNGLE?

BECAUSE THERE WERE
TOO MANY CHEETAHS.

Kronk:
BETTER MAKE THAT 3 STRAWS.

EH? CHEETAHS.

AH, FORGET IT.

MY GENIUS IS WASTED
ON YOU PEOPLE.

DR. KRONK, YOU'RE
NEEDED IN SURGERY.

OH, NO,
NOT YOU, TOO!

COME ON, MALINA.
YOU CAN'T WATCH TV
ALL DAY.

LET'S PLAY A GAME
OF KUZCO-OPOLY.

YOU MEAN THE GAME
WHERE YOU OWN EVERYTHING

AND THE OTHER PLAYERS
GO AROUND THE BOARD
AND PAY YOU MONEY?

YEAH.
I GET TO BE KUZCO.

LOOK, LITTLE ME!

DOO-DEE-DOO-DEE-DOO.

SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED.

[GASPS]

A NEW EPISODE OF
AS THE TEMPLE TURNS IS ON!

Kronk: I CAN'T
MUMMIFY THIS WOMAN.

THIS IS MY SISTER.

OK, TIME-OUT.

KRONK IS TOTALLY
STEALING MY GROOVE,

AND I WORKED REALLY HARD
TO GET THAT BACK.

WELL, I CAN FIX THAT,

BUT FIRST,
LET ME FIX THIS.

OOH, HEPCAT KUZCO.

[LAUGHS]

OK, NOW TO TURN
MALINA'S ATTENTION
BACK TO ME.

[BEAT BOXING]

WEEKY-WEEKY-WEEKY-WEEKY.

[BEAT BOXING]

WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO-WOO.

HEY, HEY, MALINA.

CHECK IT OUT,
REAL ANGRY FIRE ANTS.

[CRASH]

REAL ANGRY FIRE ANTS.
GET THEM OFF,
GET THEM OFF!

STUPID KRONK ON TV.

HE THINKS HE'S SO GREAT.

UGH.

SADDLE UP, BUCKY-ROO.

IT'S THAT TIME
OF THE KRONK-Y-DOODY SHOW

WHERE WE TAKE A TRIP
TO IMAGINATION LAND

WITH SOMETHING
I CALL A CARTOON.

HAVE NO FEAR,
KRONK IS HERE!

[LAUGHING]

WELCOME TO MY PALACE.

IT'S SUCH AN HONOR

TO HAVE BEEN PICKED BY
ELEGANT EMPRESS MAGAZINE.

YOU KNOW,
I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT
I'M QUITE ELEGANT MYSELF.

SO, THIS
IS THE EAST WING.

AS YOU CAN SEE, THIS
WHOLE SECTION OF THE PALACE

WAS DONE IN
A TRADITIONAL INCAN MOTIF.

AND WHO IS THIS GENTLEMAN
IN ALL THE PICTURES?

HE'S MY MAILMAN.

YOU HAVE THOUSANDS OF
PICTURES OF YOUR MAILMAN
HANGING ON YOUR WALLS?

WELL, HE'S
A VERY GOOD MAILMAN.

NOW LET ME
SHOW YOU THE KITCHEN.

KRONK, HEY, MAN.
YOU HAVE REALLY
GOT TO LEAVE,

BECAUSE, UH...

OH, I GOT IT.

YOUR SPINACH PUFFS
ARE BURNING!

[GASPS]

OH, NO.
I FORGOT I EVEN
PUT SOME IN THE OVEN.

[NEIGH, HOOFBEATS]

IT'S KUZCO TIME!

♪ K-U-Z-C-O ♪

♪ KUZCO, KUZCO,
GO, GO! ♪

[APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

HEY, FOLKS. WHAT'S
THE DEAL WITH SERVANTS?

I MEAN, DON'T YOU HATE IT

WHEN THEY PUT TOO MUCH STARCH
IN YOUR FINE LINENS?

IF I WANTED
TO SLEEP ON SOMETHING
AS HARD AS THE GROUND,

I WOULD'VE BEEN A PEASANT.

HA HA HA!
YOU ARE CORRECT, SIR.

AND WHEN ARE THEY
GOING TO COME OUT

WITH A ONE MILLION
KUZCOAN COIN?

I MEAN, COME ON.
DO THEY REALLY EXPECT US
TO FIT ONE MILLION SINGLES

INTO OUR ENORMOUS,
JADE-STUDDED WALLETS?

HA HA!
HEY, NOW!

YOU LIED TO ME,
KUZCO.

MY SPINACH PUFFS
WEREN'T BURNING.

THEY'RE FLAKY
AND DELICIOUS AS ALWAYS.

[GASPS]

YOU JUST WANTED
TO TAKE MY SHOW.

YOU SNOOZE, YOU LOSE.
GUACA.

[GRUNTING]

I'M NOT LEAVING.

WELL, THIS SPOTLIGHT'S
NOT BIG ENOUGH

FOR THE BOTH OF US!
[DING]

[FIGHTING]

DAD, GET IN HERE.

Kronk: GET OFF!

THE PEOPLE
WANT TO SEE ME!

EVERYBODY LOVES KRONK.

[FIGHTING]

[BEEP]

GUACA, TELL ME
YOU CAN FIX IT.

IT'LL TAKE AT LEAST
A COUPLE OF HOURS.

AW, I FINALLY GET ON TV,
AND THIS HAPPENS?

AND ALL BECAUSE WE
WERE BOTH SO OBSESSED

WITH BEING
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

ACTUALLY,
THAT WAS MOSTLY YOU

NEEDING TO BE
THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

LOOK, THAT'S THE CLOSEST
THING YOU'RE GOING
TO GET TO AN APOLOGY.

I'LL TAKE IT.

I'M NOT GONNA LET
THIS LITTLE TV THING
GET BETWEEN US.

IN FACT,
I'VE GOT AN IDEA.

BETTER NOT
BE THE TAPED-UP
CHINCHILLAS THING.

OK, I'VE GOT 2 IDEAS.

I'M KUZCO!
I'M KRONK!

Both:
IT'S THE KUZCO AND KRONK
VARIETY SHOW.

♪ WE'RE AS DIFFERENT
AS DAY AND NIGHT ♪

♪ AND THOUGH
WE SOMETIMES FIGHT ♪

♪ YOU CAN WATCH
OUR FRIENDSHIP GROW ♪

♪ ON THE KUZCO AND KRONK... ♪

THAT'S KRONK AND KUZCO.

♪ VARIETY SHOW! ♪

THIS SHOW IS GOING
TO BE A RUNAWAY HIT.

YEAH, IT'LL MAKE
EVERYONE WANT TO RUN AWAY.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

WHAT A GREAT AUDIENCE.

SAY HELLO, KRONK.
HELLO, KRONK.

GOOD-BYE, TV.

WELL, THAT WAS
A BIG WASTE OF TIME.

YEAH, I'M WAY BEHIND
ON MY CHORES.

I HAVEN'T SHAVED
MY LLAMAS FOR DAYS.

[SPLASH]

BOY, THOSE GUYS
REALLY JUMPED A LLAMA.

IT WAS GREAT
UNTIL IT BECAME
KUZCO VISION.

ENOUGH OF THE PALACE.

LET'S GET A SHOT OF ME
FOR THE COVER.

SAY CAPYBARA.

CAPYBARA!

WELL, SOMEONE HERE
ORDERED AN EXTRA
LARGE TRAMPOLINE.

WHEW. SHE ALMOST
HIT MY TRAMPOLINE.

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

HEY, GUYS.

SORRY TO HEAR YOUR
SHOW GOT CANCELED
AFTER ONE EPISODE.

TOUGH BREAK.

MAYBE IT
WAS FOR THE BEST.

PEOPLE WERE WATCHING
WAY TOO MUCH, ANYWAY.

TOOK OVER
THEIR LIVES, TV.

MODERATION, THAT'S
ALL I'M GOING TO SAY.

WELL, I THINK WE WERE
JUST TOO SOPHISTICATED
FOR THE AUDIENCE.

IT'S LIKE PEOPLE
THESE DAYS JUST WANT TO
SEE RECYCLED STORYLINES

WITH TACKED-ON
HAPPY ENDINGS.

HEY, GUYS.
THE VOTES ARE IN.

WE WON THE BATTLE
OF THE BANDS!

Both: THAT MEANS
WE'RE GOING TO CANCUN!

SURF'S UP, EVERYONE!

HEY,
WHAT'S THIS SHOW?

I DON'T KNOW,
JUST SOME PEOPLE

SITTIN' THERE,
STARIN' AT US.

MAYBE IT'S SOME KIND
OF NATURE PROGRAM.

WELL, WHY AREN'T THEY
DOING ANYTHING?

UH, HELLO IN THERE.
DO SOMETHING ALREADY.

I KINDA LIKE IT.
LOTS OF SUSPENSE.

OH! LOOK! THAT ONE
JUST BLINKED.

EH, LET'S SEE
WHAT ELSE IS ON.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
DISNEY--ABC CABLE NETWORKS GROUP

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
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INSTITUTE, INC.