The Emperor's New School (2006–2008): Season 1, Episode 21 - Yzmopolis - full transcript
In an ill-considered attempt to escape the consequences of being caught with Malina peeking into Mr. Moleguaco's answers at the Kuzko Academy, Kuzko makes a wish at the temple of the god of Heaven not to be emperor anymore. The result is far more then he bargained for: the whole empire is transformed into Yzmopolis, almost a parallel reality, where nobody even remembers Kuzko was emperor (in training), and everybody has another role, e.g. Kronk is the Yzmopolis Academy principal. Actually, Yzma had her evil hand in this transformation, using a powerful potion...
IF YOU DON'T LIKE YZMA,
THEN DON'T WATCH TODAY'S SHOW.
OF COURSE,
WHO DOES LIKE YZMA?
OK, IF YOU DON'T LIKE YZMA,
THEN DO WATCH TODAY'S SHOW.
OH, WELL. JUST WATCH.
THEME MUSIC!
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO THE THRONE ♪
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO SUCCESS ♪
♪ BUT HE HAS
TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO ACE
THAT TEST ♪
♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY ♪
YOU KNOW, IT'S
ALL ABOUT ME.
♪ AHH ♪
EXACTLY!
LET'S GO!
♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO LEARN ♪
♪ HIS ABCs ♪
♪ DON'T TRY
TO STOP HIM ♪
♪ TO TOP HIM ♪
TO DESTROY HIM,
RIGHT?
UHH...
K-U-Z-C-O!
KUZCO! KUZCO!
GO, GO!
♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE CHARM
AND THE LOOKS ♪
♪ AND A HOTTIE
THAT CAN HELP HIM ♪
♪ READ THAT THING
CALLED BOOK ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ COME ON,
KUZCO ♪
♪ GOT TO FULFILL
HIS DESTINY ♪
♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL,
IT'S ROYAL ♪
♪ THEY'LL HELP
AGAINST THE FOIL ♪
FRIENDS? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.
HEH HEH!
SPELL MY NAME AGAIN!
K-U-Z-C-O!
KUZCO! KUZCO! GO, GO!
Kuzco:
LOOK AT THAT, WHEE!
HODGES VILLAGE, BIG WHOOP.
I'VE SEEN THAT LOTS OF TIMES.
AND THERE'S THE SCHOOL,
KUZCO ACADEMY, NAMED AFTER ME.
LESS TIME SPENT THERE
THE BETTER.
HEY, THERE'S A PLACE
WE DON'T USUALLY SEE,
THE TEMPLE OF THE SKY GOD.
THEY SAY IF YOU'VE
GOTTA HAVE A TEMPLE,
SKY GOD'S A PRETTY GOOD
HEAD HONCHO KINDA GUY
TO HAVE A TEMPLE TO.
THIS IS WHERE NORMAL
PEOPLE COME TO MAKE THEIR
THEIR NORMAL PEOPLE, ORDINARY,
EVERY DAY WISHES LIKE,
"I WISH I HAD A STRONGER LAMA,"
OR, "I WISH MY HUSBAND
DIDN'T SMELL LIKE A LAMA".
OR, "I WISH EVERYONE WOULD
LAY OFF PICKING ON THE LAMA."
BUT HEY, IT'S NOT
ALL ABOUT LAMAS".
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT
WISH TO BE TALLER,
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT WISH FOR
A SUNNY DAY ON A SANDY BEACH,
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT
WISH TO BE SMARTER.
OBVIOUSLY,
IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK,
BUT PEOPLE KEEP
BLABBITY, BLAB, BLAB, BLABBING
THEIR TROUBLES TO SKY GOD,
MAKING THEIR WISHES.
EVEN IF IT DOESN'T COME TRUE,
THEY FEEL BETTER AFTERWARDS.
WEIRD HUH?
AND THAT'S WHY
YOU SEE ME HERE, TOO.
LOOK AT ME,
MAKING A WISHY WISH!
I WISH I'D NEVER
BEEN EMPEROR!
YEAH, I BET THAT
SEEMS ALL BACKWARDS,
UPSIDE DOWNY, HUH?
I MEAN, USUALLY
EVERYTHING I AM,
SAY, OR DO,
IS ALL ABOUT
BEING THE BIG "E",
SO HOW DID I END UP
ALL, "I DON'T WANNA
BE EMPEROR!"
WELL, IT ALL STARTED
EARLIER, IN MY
BRAND NEW BEDROOM!
KUZCO!
RIGHT, WHO KNEW
THERE WAS THIS WHOLE
OTHER ROOM IN THE HUT?
IT'S A LOT ROOMIER
THAN THE ATTIC.
SORRY BUT,
AS EMPEROR, I GOTTA
HAVE THE BIGGEST ROOM,
ELBOW ROOM FOR THE ROYAL
ELBOWS, DON'T YOU KNOW?
BUT THIS IS PACHA'S
AND MY BEDROOM.
WAIT, WAS THAT WHAT
ALL THAT STUFF WAS...
THAT WAS IN HERE?
I MOVED IT TO THE ATTIC.
WELL, CHACA AND TIPO
HELPED,
WELL, THEY MOVED IT,
I SUPERVISED...
...IN SPIRIT,
I WENT SWIMMING.
KUZCO!
CHICHA'S NOT
ANGRY, IS SHE?
[MARKER SQUEAKS]
SMILE, CHICHA.
YOU KNOW,
NOT EVERYONE IS
SO UNDERSTANDING
WHEN IT COMES TO
HAVING AN EMPEROR
IN THEIR LIFE.
CHECK THIS OUT,
YO, KUZCO.
YOU'RE LOOKING A
LITTLE THIRSTY.
HOW ABOUT A
LEMON LIME SODA?
YOUR FAVORITE.
WAIT!
OH, NO YOU DON'T!
THAT'S AN YZMA POTION
ISN'T IT? WHAT'S
THIS ONE DO?
TURN ME INTO A MARMOT
CAUSE A MARMOT CAN'T
PASS A HISTORY TEST?
AND THEN I'LL BE BANISHED
TO MARMOT-LAND, WHERE
MARMOTS DO
MARMOTTY MARMOT
THINGS TO EACH OTHER
ALL THE LIVE LONG MARMOT DAY?
WELL, TOUGH LUCK,
'CAUSE THIS IS ONE
NON-MARMOT WHO'S STUDIED.
AW, COME ON, LIKE
THIS IS THE BEST USE
OF MY TIME, EITHER.
I GOTTA LIFE TOO,
I GOT RECIPES I
COULD BE PERFECTING.
PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS
RECIPES.
BUT NO, I GOTTA MAKE
KUZCO DRINK POTIONS!
A MARMOT POTION,
A LEMUR POTION,
A BUTTERFLY POTION.
IT NEVER ENDS! WHY
CAN'T YZMA JUST COME
UP WITH ONE BIG,
SUPER-DUPER,
ULTIMATE PLAN,
AND GET RID OF YOU
ONCE AND FOR ALL!
I MEAN, U--
IT'S LEMON LIME,
YOUR FAVORITE.
GO ON, HAVE
A LITTLE SIP.
NO THANK YOU,
POTION MONKEY,
BUH-BYE.
POOR, KRONK!
I HAD NO IDEA
I WAS SUCH
AN INCONVENIENCE,
MEATHEAD.
OH, NOT KRONK.
ME, I'M THE MEATHEAD.
FIRST CHICHA,
THEN KRONK, NOW
CHECK OUT THIS NEXT BIT,
THIS IS WHERE
YOU'LL SEE ME KICK
INTO MEATHEAD OVERDRIVE.
NOPE, NOT IT,
NOT IT,
NOT IT, NOT IT,
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE,
NOT--
KUZCO,
STOP THAT!
MR. MOLEGUACO
KEEPS THE ANSWERS
IN HERE SOMEWHERE,
YOU KNOW THE DRILL,
I DON'T PASS
THIS TEST,
I DON'T GET TO BE
EMPEROR,
BUT-- BUT--
BUT, MH!
DIDN'T YOU USE
THE FLASH CARDS
I MADE FOR YOU?
DIDN'T YOU READ
THE STUDY NOTES I WROTE?
DIDN'T YOU EVEN
TRY TO STUDY?
UHHHHHHHHHHH....
NO.
AHA!
GIMME THAT!
I AM SHOCKED!
Mr. M: FRANKLY MALENA,
SO AM I!
STEALING TEST ANSWERS
IS A MAJOR ACADEMIC
VIOLATION.
GRRRRRRRRR!
YOUCH. SEE THAT
HORRIBLE FACE?
ME NO LIKEY THAT FACE.
THAT FACE IS WHAT MADE
IT FINALLY SINK IN THAT
EVEN THOUGH
I TRY AND TRY,
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
I JUST DON'T FIT IN WITH
NORMAL PEOPLE.
PACHA,
CHICHA, KRONK, MALENA--
I'M AN EMPEROR
AND NO ONE ELSE IS.
YEAH, I KNOW, USUALLY
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
BUT NOT WHEN
I LOOK AT THAT FACE.
Kuzco:SO THAT'S
WHEN I DECIDED TO GO UP
TO THE TEMPLE OF THE SKY GOD,
I MEAN IF I WANNA FIT IN,
I GOTTA TRY EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
YOU LOOK LIKE
SOMEONE WHO'S
ABOUT TO WISH TO FIT IN,
WOW, HOW'D YOU KNOW?
I'VE SEEN LOTS OF
EMPERORS COME UP HERE,
ALL OF THEM WISH TO
FIT IN WITH THEIR SUBJECTS.
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
NEVER WORKS OUT, THOUGH.
WHY NOT?
YOU'VE NEVER WISHED TO
THE SKY GOD BEFORE,
HAVE YOU?
IT'S NEVER
STRAIGHT FORWARD,
YOU GO IN THERE AND
WISH TO FIT IT AND, POOF!
YOU'RE A TREE
THAT FITS INTO A FOREST
10 THOUSAND MILES AWAY.
FORESTS ARE SCARY.
OK, WHAT WOULD YOU
RECOMMEND?
YOU SHOULD WISH--
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
I WISH I'D
NEVER BEEN EMPEROR!
SEE? THIS IS
WHERE YOU CAME IN.
DOESN'T SEEM
SO BACKWARDS
UPSIDE DOWNY,
WHEN YOU SEE HOW
I GOT HERE, RIGHT?
HEY, QUIT
WITH MY YAMMERING
ALREADY,
WE'VE GOT SOME EXPENSIVE
MAGICAL EFFECTS
TO CHECK OUT.
THAT COSTS EXTRA?
'CAUSE WE HAVE NEVER
HAD STUFF LIKE THAT
ON THIS SHOW BEFORE.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY! WHERE DID
MR. CREEPY McCREEPERHAM GO?
HUH. WHAT'S
THAT NOISE?
[TAPPING]
[TAPPING]
DUDE. WHAT'S GOING
ON OUT THERE?
HEY, IT'S A LITTLE ME
IN A SNOW GLOBE.
HELLO,
KNICK-KNACK ME.
HEY, GIANT ME.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT,
LIKE YOU'RE...
NOT AN EMPEROR,
OR SOMETHING.
I'M NOT!
I'M GONNA CHECK OUT
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO
ACTUALLY
FIT IN WITH
ORDINARY PEOPLE.
OK, HAVE FUN
WITH THAT.
I'LL BE IN HERE,
BEING AN EMPEROR.
IF YOU EVER
WANNA CHANGE BACK,
YOU KNOW, JUST...
CRACK OPEN THE ORB.
♪ HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA
FIT IN, FIT IN, FIT IN ♪
♪ HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA
FIT IN, FIT IN, FIT IN... ♪
♪ ...EVERYWHERE! ♪
WHAT THE HEY?
Yzma: ♪ WELCOME TO MY CITY ♪
♪ WELCOME TO MY LAND ♪
♪ WELCOME TO THE EMPIRE ♪
♪ THAT ONLY I COMMAND ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ MY FAVORITE PLACE TO BE ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ WHERE IT'S ALL FOR ONE
AND THAT ONE IS ME ♪
♪ FROM YZMA BOULEVARD,
TO YZMA AVENUE ♪
♪ ALL LANDMARKS AND ROADS
AND PARKS ARE NAMED
FOR ME, NOT YOU ♪
YOU KNOW UNTIL I CAME ALONG,
THIS WAS JUST A ONE LAMA TOWN,
BUT NOW IT'S...
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS
THE R-R-REGION THAT I RULE ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS,
NOW WELCOME TO MY SCHOOL! ♪
♪ Y-Z-M-A
YZMA, YZMA, HOO RAY! ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS,
A WONDROUS PLACE TO BE ♪
IT'S GLORIOUS.
VICTORIOUS,
WE ALWAYS LAUGH
UPROARIOUS.
'CAUSE LIFE IS
SO EUPHORIOUS!
AND HERE IS
WHAT YOU'LL SEE.
♪ YZMA MOVIES, STARING ME ♪
♪ MY NAME IN LIGHTS
ON THE YZMARQUEE ♪
♪ YZMA BOOKS AND MAGAZINES,
YZMA SHIRTS, YZMA JEANS ♪
♪ YZMA CHOCOLATE, YZMA MINTS,
YZMA SHAMPOO AND THE RINSE ♪
♪ ALL THE DOGS ARE YZMALTESE AND
LIFE IS JUST AN YZMA-BREEZE ♪
♪ HEAR ME CHAT
ON THE RADIO AT... ♪
♪ Y-Z-M-A FM ♪
Reporter:
♪ YZMAPOLIS MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ WITH NEWS
AND SPORTS, WHATEVER ♪
♪ YZMA TRAFFIC'S ALL BACKED UP
AND NOW A LOOK AT WEATHER ♪
I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW
YOU MY NEW PROJECT.
YZMATOPIA!
THERE'S A PEASANT VILLAGE
ON THE SPOT RIGHT NOW,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP PROGRESS,
YZMAPOLIS IS GROWING,
AND SOON, SOON,
SOON IT WILL BECOME...
♪ YZMAPOLIS
MY METROPOLIS ♪
Yzma: ♪ MY PURPLE LEGACY ♪
♪ YZMAPOLIS ♪
♪ THERE'S NO STOPOLIS! ♪
THAT'S NOT A WORD!
♪ IT IS TO ME ♪
♪ SOME HAVE TRIED TO
RUN AND HIDE ♪
♪ BUT THEY JUST
CAN'T GET FREE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN I'M DEAD ♪
♪ YOU'LL BOW YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ TO AN YZMUMMY OF ME! ♪
[YZMA LAUGHING LOUDLY]
♪ WELCOME TO HER
CITY, WELCOME TO HER LAND ♪
♪ WELCOME TO THE EMPIRE
THAT ONLY I COMMAND ♪
YZMAPOLIS.
PACHA, CHICHA!
HOW DO YOU KNOW
OUR NAMES?
NO TIME TO BE
POLITE, WE'RE DUE
AT THE PALACE, COME ON.
WE'VE BEEN
SUMMONED.
WAIT. WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
IT'S ME, KUZCO.
DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?
YEAH, YOU'RE THE GUY
WHO JUST STOPPED US
TWO SECONDS AGO.
LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
WANNA BE RUDE, BUT GET
OUTTA THE WAY, WILL YA?
THAT'S A FINE WAY TO
TREAT YOUR EMPEROR!
OH, WAIT.
RIGHT, STUPID WISH.
BUT THEY SHOULD AT LEAST
STILL RECOGNIZE ME, RIGHT?
WAIT A MINUTE,
THE SKY GOD DIDN'T JUST MAKE ME
"NEVER BEEN EMPEROR,"
I'VE NEVER BEEN,
PERIOD!
VERY FUNNY!
YOU'RE A HOOT, YOU ARE.
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE
HUMORLESS CHILDREN ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD,
JUST STARVING FOR SOME HILARIOUS
COMIC TALENT LIKE YOURS.
ONE MORE TIME,
EMPRESS YZMA,
UH, SO YOU'RE SAYING
OUR HUT IS IN THE
PERFECT SPOT...
...FOR YOUR POOL?
WELCOME TO YZMATOPIA,
MY ULTIMATE SUMMER GET AWAY.
COMPLETE WITH LOOP-DA-LOOP
WATER SLIDE, HA HA HA.
WHAT?
IT'S A LITTLE
"GLAD I'M ME" GIFT, TO ME.
BUT OUR FAMILY HAS LIVED
ON THAT HILLTOP FOR THE
LAST SIX GENERATIONS.
ARGGGGGGH!
WOW, THAT'S COLD.
I MEAN, I KNOW I ALMOST
DID THAT EXACT SAME THING
WITH KUZCO-TOPIA,
BUT I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT,
GIVE ME SOME CREDIT,
NO? OK, WELL, AT LEAST
I'M LESSER OF TWO EVILS, RIGHT?
UH, I VOTE YES TO
WHATEVER GETS YOU
TO HELP US DOWN.
UH, OFF CAMPUS
DURING SCHOOL
HOURS, EH?
COME WITH US!
HEY! NO TOUCHY.
I DON'T KNOW WHO
THIS PRINCIPAL AMZY IS
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M THE PRINCIPAL
OF YZMA ACADEMY,
PRINCIPAL KRONK.
BECAUSE KRONK
IS MY NAME, AND
I'M THE PRINCIPAL.
RIGHT,
I GUESS
THAT MAKES SENSE, SORTA.
WITHOUT ME IN SCHOOL,
YZMA DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE AMZY ALL THE TIME.
EH, I BET THAT GIVES YOU
LOTS OF FREE TIME
TO PURSUE THAT
RECIPE HOBBY OF YOURS, RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU BLABBERING
ABOUT FREE TIME? HOBBY?
BEING PRINCIPAL IS
A 24-7 COMMITMENT,
WOW, THIS KRONK'S
EVEN WORSE OFF THAN
THE ONE BACK HOME,
AT LEAST MY KRONK HAD
SOME TIME TO HIMSELF.
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE'S
NOT TRYING TO TURN ME
INTO A GNU OR A MONKEY.
THIS GUY'S ABOUT TO
BLOW A GASKET.
WHOA, STOP!
IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT--?
NO. NO! CHECK, PLEASE.
I'M OUTTA HERE!
LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA--
NOT EVEN LISTENING,
ARE YOU? YOU'RE
A TROUBLEMAKER!
THIS IS HOW WE DEAL
WITH TROUBLE-MAKERS
AT YZMA ACADEMY!
HUH?
UHG, UHG,
UHG!
Malena: EXCUSE ME, UH--
DO YOU NEED HELP?
MALENA?
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
LET ME JUST ASK,
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME?
DO I LOOK AT ALL
FAMILIAR?
LIKE I USED TO BE
EMPEROR, GO TO LUNCH
WITH YOU EVERYDAY,
GOT YOU BUSTED FOR
STEALING TEST ANSWERS,
RING A BELL?
NO, NO,
NO, NO, AND NO.
WOW, SHE SAYS NO, JUST
LIKE NORMAL MALENA.
THANKS.
SO, UH--
WHY AREN'T YOU
IN SCHOOL?
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
GO TO SCHOOL.
[SOBBING] I'M TOO PRETTY
AND... I'M TOO SMART!
BY ORDER OF EMPRESS YZMA,
I WALK THE STREETS
IN SHAME FOR MY GREAT
BEAUTY AND BRAINS.
NAW, COME ON.
YOU'RE... MALENA!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE PROUD OF BEING
PRETTY AND SMART.
[SOBS] YOU KNOW,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU,
BUT I THINK YOU
MIGHT BE RIGHT.
PRETTY AND SMART
IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!
FREEZE! YOUR NEW FOUND PRIDE
IS IN VIOLATION OF YZMA LAW.
TO THE DUNGEON!
NOOOO-AHHHH!
MALENA, NO!
Kuzco:AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR KUZCO'S DOODLES,
THAT'S WHERE YOU
GET TO SEE ME TOTALLY WAIL
ON SOME GIANT GUARDS
AND RESCUE MALENA!
LOOK, THERE'S THEM.
[GIRLY VOICE] "OH, LOOK AT ME,
I'M A LITTLE GIRLY GUARD!
QUICK! SEIZE, KUZCO!
DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"
AND I'M ALL,
"GIVE ME KUZCOPOWER CHOP--"
HYE-YAH! HYE-YOO!
HYE-YOO!
THEN I RESCUED MALENA.
AND THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
WOW,
WHAT A COWARD.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYONE RUN AWAY SO FAST.
HEY, I THINK
HE WENT THERE--
OK, I DIDN'T RESCUE MALENA.
SO, SUE ME.
YOU COME TRY TO DO IT.
THOSE GUARDS ARE BI-IG.
I'M GONNA GO HOME.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YZMAPOLIS.
[PANTING]
WHY'S IT
GOTTA BE THE SKY GOD?
WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE...
THE "DOWN THE STREET
BY THE LAMA SHOP" GOD?
YO, MR. SKY! TIME TO
CRACK OPEN THE ORB AND...
[GASPS]
OH, NO!
IT'S GONE, GONE,
GONE, GONE!
Old Man:
LOOKING FOR...THIS?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HAND IT OVER.
COME ON.
I'D LIKE MY REGULAR
OLD EMPEROR LIFE
BACK NOW.
YES, PLEASE.
Old Man: HA HA!
BUT IT'S NOT
YOUR LIFE ANYMORE,
IT'S MINE,
FOR, YOU SEE,
I'M YZMA!
[CACKLING LAUGHTER]
Yzma: SO, KUZCO,
HOW HAVE YOU ENJOYED
YOUR VISIT TO YZMAPOLIS,
MY METROPOLIS--
WHOA, WHOA, YOU ALREADY
DID THE, UH,
SINGING THINGY,
AND AS FOR YZMAPOLIS,
I'VE LEARNED, IF I WERE
A LITTLE LESS SELFISH,
I MIGHT NOT BE
SUCH A BAD EMPEROR.
THAT AND, I GUESS
I'M NOT SO WILD
ABOUT PURPLE,
BUT I GET THAT
THAT'S YOUR THING,
SO... NO BIGGIE.
WHAT I DON'T GET IS,
HOW COME NO ONE KNOWS
WHO I AM BUT YOU?
AH, THAT'S EASY,
FOR TEMPORARY PROTECTION
FROM MINOR SKY GOD
WISH MAGIC.
HUH. OK, THEN.
QUESTION TWO,
WHY NOT JUST WISH TO BE
EMPRESS YOURSELF?
YES! THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT
I SAID, TOO.
AS IT TURNS OUT, THERE'S
ONLY ONE WISH PER PERSON,
WELL, WE DIDN'T
KNOW THAT YET,
WHEN I WISHED FOR
A COOL HAT,
AND THEN I WISHED IT
AWAY, BUT NOW,
I'VE TRICKED YOU INTO USING
YOUR ONE WISH TO MAKE
MY DREAM COME TRUE!
WAIT, RUN
THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
I TRICKED YOU INTO
USING YOUR WISH
TO MAKE MY DREAM
COME TRUE!
OK, NOW I FOLLOW
YOU.
YEAH, YOU JUST WENT
THROUGH THAT A
LITTLE QUICK,
HEY, DON'T FEEL
BAD, STRANGER,
I HAD TO ASK FOR
A REPEAT TOO.
FINE, I'LL TALK
NICE AND SLOW FOR
THIS NEXT PART,
Yzma:NOW THAT YOU'VE
NEVER BEEN AN EMPEROR,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE DO IN THE REAL
WORLD, AS A NORMAL PERSON
IN A NORMAL HOUSE,
YOU'LL GO TO SCHOOL
AS NORMAL KID,
THEN STRUGGLE TO
GET NORMAL GRADES LIKE
ALL YOUR NORMAL CLASSMATES,
SOMEDAY YOU'LL GRADUATE,
THEN YOU'LL GET A NORMAL JOB,
Speaker: ORDERING
ONE BURGER, HOLD THE
ONIONS, FRIES, AND A YZMALT.
Yzma:AND WILL BE
SO NORMAL, YOU'LL SNAP.
AND YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT
TO RUN OUT AND DO SOMETHING
SPECTACULARLY HEROIC,
AND BECOME
AN EMPEROR ONCE AGAIN!
IT'S BRILLIANT,
BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!
SO, YOUR ULTIMATE,
GIANT, END-ALL PLAN
MAKES ME EMPEROR
AGAIN.
REALLY?
NO, THAT CAN'T
BE RIGHT, CAN IT?
"NEVER BEEN EMPEROR,
NORMAL KID, HOUSE,
SCHOOL, NORMAL, NORMAL,
"GRADUATION, JOB,
NORMAL, NORMAL,
BECOME EMPEROR ONCE AGAIN"
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
BEATS ME,
LADY, IT'S
YOUR HANDWRITING,
FINE!
NEVER MIND,
I'LL JUST HAVE TO USE THIS!
WAHH!
I'M A BUG-FACE!
NOW, KRONK, NOW!
GET THE HAMMER!
Bug-Face: STOP! STOP!
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
[DRIPPING]
UH,
A TALKING BUG?
KRONK, I'M KUZCO!
KUZCO,
THE TALKING BUG.
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,
YOU CHEESE-HEAD?
KUZCO,
THE INSULTING,
TALKING BUG.
[WHOOSH]
MHH!
[PANTING]
I'VE
GOTTA GET MY LIFE BACK!
BUT WHERE
DOES SHE KEEP IT?
[SNORING]
DON'T LET KUZCO GET AWAY.
[SNORING]
NO, YOU DUMB OX,
HE'S OVER THERE.
[SNORING]
GET ME ANOTHER--
[TAPPING]
HM?
HEY, BRO,
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
LOOKING GOOD!
MAKING PLANS WITH
THE LADY BUGS I BET, RRRROWR.
SHH!
[SNORING]
DON'T LOOK AT ME,
I WASN'T DRIVING.
MMMH!
UH-OH.
WHAT IS THAT,
ANYWAY?
IT FLINGS
THINGS, HA!
[SNORING] NO, SO
I DIDN'T HEAR A THING.
HEY ME,
AM I OK IN THERE?
HUH!
NO KRONK, DON'T!
MALENA, THANKS.
BUT, HOW'D--
...I FIND YOU?
YEAH,
AND HOW'D--?
...I KNOW
YOU'D
BEEN TURNED
INTO A BUG?
SIMPLE, I'M
REALLY SMART.
AND IT'S WEIRD, BUT
SOMEHOW I FEEL LIKE
I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE.
I HAD TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE OK.
KRONK!
OOPSEY.
HUH?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY AM I
HOLDING YOU?
'CAUSE I'M CUDDLY,
RRROWR!
YO,
KUZCO MAN!
YOU'RE LOOKIN'
MIGHTY THIRSTY.
HA, NOT
GONNA GET ME
WITH THAT ONE.
CAN'T BLAME A GUY
FOR TRYING.
SHH, LOOK HONEY,
IT'S THE RARELY
SEEN, LAZY HOUSE
GUEST.
DON'T SCARE IT AWAY.
I'VE NEVER
SEEN ONE IN
THE WILD BEFORE.
Kuzco:YAY! EVERYTHING'S
BACK TO NORMAL!
MALENA CAN BARELY
TOLERATE ME, KRONK'S
TRYING TO POTION ME,
AND AND PACHA AND CHICHA
ARE BUSTIN' MY CHOPS.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
I HAD IT IN ME AND
FROM NOW ON FORWARD,
I'M GONNA MAKE IT ALL A
LITTLE LESS ABOUT ME AND
BE A MUCH BETTER EMPEROR.
Kuzco:AND IT'S ALL
THANKS TO YZMA!
Yzma: OHHH,
KUZCO!
WAHHHH!
OH!
HEY!
[BLOWING]
AW.
[POP]
WAHHHH!
OOH.
[BLOWING]
MH--?
[POP]
WAHHHH!
[POP]
WAHHHH!
OH.
AH!
[BLOWING]
AR, AR,
AR, AR.
PLPLPLPLPLR!
[LOUD POP]
OH.
WAHHHH!
WAHHHH!
[BLOWING]
[POP]
WAHHHHH!
ARGGGG!
[GRUNTS]
WAHHHHH!
AWWWAW,
AW!
OH, MY GOD.
OH.
HUH-HA!
[DING DING]
[BLOWING]
MMM?
HMMM.
HEE HEE.
HA!
[POP]
HMMM?
THEN DON'T WATCH TODAY'S SHOW.
OF COURSE,
WHO DOES LIKE YZMA?
OK, IF YOU DON'T LIKE YZMA,
THEN DO WATCH TODAY'S SHOW.
OH, WELL. JUST WATCH.
THEME MUSIC!
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO THE THRONE ♪
♪ HE'S ON HIS WAY
TO SUCCESS ♪
♪ BUT HE HAS
TO GO TO SCHOOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO ACE
THAT TEST ♪
♪ HE'S AN EMPEROR-TO-BE ♪
♪ AND HE'S TOTALLY ♪
YOU KNOW, IT'S
ALL ABOUT ME.
♪ AHH ♪
EXACTLY!
LET'S GO!
♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ HE'S GOT TO LEARN ♪
♪ HIS ABCs ♪
♪ DON'T TRY
TO STOP HIM ♪
♪ TO TOP HIM ♪
TO DESTROY HIM,
RIGHT?
UHH...
K-U-Z-C-O!
KUZCO! KUZCO!
GO, GO!
♪ HE'S GOT THE COOL ♪
♪ HE'S GOT THE CHARM
AND THE LOOKS ♪
♪ AND A HOTTIE
THAT CAN HELP HIM ♪
♪ READ THAT THING
CALLED BOOK ♪
♪ LET'S GO ♪
♪ HE'S GOING
TO KUZCO ACADEMY ♪
♪ COME ON,
KUZCO ♪
♪ GOT TO FULFILL
HIS DESTINY ♪
♪ HIS FRIENDS ARE LOYAL,
IT'S ROYAL ♪
♪ THEY'LL HELP
AGAINST THE FOIL ♪
FRIENDS? I THOUGHT
THIS WAS ALL ABOUT ME.
HEH HEH!
SPELL MY NAME AGAIN!
K-U-Z-C-O!
KUZCO! KUZCO! GO, GO!
Kuzco:
LOOK AT THAT, WHEE!
HODGES VILLAGE, BIG WHOOP.
I'VE SEEN THAT LOTS OF TIMES.
AND THERE'S THE SCHOOL,
KUZCO ACADEMY, NAMED AFTER ME.
LESS TIME SPENT THERE
THE BETTER.
HEY, THERE'S A PLACE
WE DON'T USUALLY SEE,
THE TEMPLE OF THE SKY GOD.
THEY SAY IF YOU'VE
GOTTA HAVE A TEMPLE,
SKY GOD'S A PRETTY GOOD
HEAD HONCHO KINDA GUY
TO HAVE A TEMPLE TO.
THIS IS WHERE NORMAL
PEOPLE COME TO MAKE THEIR
THEIR NORMAL PEOPLE, ORDINARY,
EVERY DAY WISHES LIKE,
"I WISH I HAD A STRONGER LAMA,"
OR, "I WISH MY HUSBAND
DIDN'T SMELL LIKE A LAMA".
OR, "I WISH EVERYONE WOULD
LAY OFF PICKING ON THE LAMA."
BUT HEY, IT'S NOT
ALL ABOUT LAMAS".
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT
WISH TO BE TALLER,
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT WISH FOR
A SUNNY DAY ON A SANDY BEACH,
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT
WISH TO BE SMARTER.
OBVIOUSLY,
IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK,
BUT PEOPLE KEEP
BLABBITY, BLAB, BLAB, BLABBING
THEIR TROUBLES TO SKY GOD,
MAKING THEIR WISHES.
EVEN IF IT DOESN'T COME TRUE,
THEY FEEL BETTER AFTERWARDS.
WEIRD HUH?
AND THAT'S WHY
YOU SEE ME HERE, TOO.
LOOK AT ME,
MAKING A WISHY WISH!
I WISH I'D NEVER
BEEN EMPEROR!
YEAH, I BET THAT
SEEMS ALL BACKWARDS,
UPSIDE DOWNY, HUH?
I MEAN, USUALLY
EVERYTHING I AM,
SAY, OR DO,
IS ALL ABOUT
BEING THE BIG "E",
SO HOW DID I END UP
ALL, "I DON'T WANNA
BE EMPEROR!"
WELL, IT ALL STARTED
EARLIER, IN MY
BRAND NEW BEDROOM!
KUZCO!
RIGHT, WHO KNEW
THERE WAS THIS WHOLE
OTHER ROOM IN THE HUT?
IT'S A LOT ROOMIER
THAN THE ATTIC.
SORRY BUT,
AS EMPEROR, I GOTTA
HAVE THE BIGGEST ROOM,
ELBOW ROOM FOR THE ROYAL
ELBOWS, DON'T YOU KNOW?
BUT THIS IS PACHA'S
AND MY BEDROOM.
WAIT, WAS THAT WHAT
ALL THAT STUFF WAS...
THAT WAS IN HERE?
I MOVED IT TO THE ATTIC.
WELL, CHACA AND TIPO
HELPED,
WELL, THEY MOVED IT,
I SUPERVISED...
...IN SPIRIT,
I WENT SWIMMING.
KUZCO!
CHICHA'S NOT
ANGRY, IS SHE?
[MARKER SQUEAKS]
SMILE, CHICHA.
YOU KNOW,
NOT EVERYONE IS
SO UNDERSTANDING
WHEN IT COMES TO
HAVING AN EMPEROR
IN THEIR LIFE.
CHECK THIS OUT,
YO, KUZCO.
YOU'RE LOOKING A
LITTLE THIRSTY.
HOW ABOUT A
LEMON LIME SODA?
YOUR FAVORITE.
WAIT!
OH, NO YOU DON'T!
THAT'S AN YZMA POTION
ISN'T IT? WHAT'S
THIS ONE DO?
TURN ME INTO A MARMOT
CAUSE A MARMOT CAN'T
PASS A HISTORY TEST?
AND THEN I'LL BE BANISHED
TO MARMOT-LAND, WHERE
MARMOTS DO
MARMOTTY MARMOT
THINGS TO EACH OTHER
ALL THE LIVE LONG MARMOT DAY?
WELL, TOUGH LUCK,
'CAUSE THIS IS ONE
NON-MARMOT WHO'S STUDIED.
AW, COME ON, LIKE
THIS IS THE BEST USE
OF MY TIME, EITHER.
I GOTTA LIFE TOO,
I GOT RECIPES I
COULD BE PERFECTING.
PRECIOUS, PRECIOUS
RECIPES.
BUT NO, I GOTTA MAKE
KUZCO DRINK POTIONS!
A MARMOT POTION,
A LEMUR POTION,
A BUTTERFLY POTION.
IT NEVER ENDS! WHY
CAN'T YZMA JUST COME
UP WITH ONE BIG,
SUPER-DUPER,
ULTIMATE PLAN,
AND GET RID OF YOU
ONCE AND FOR ALL!
I MEAN, U--
IT'S LEMON LIME,
YOUR FAVORITE.
GO ON, HAVE
A LITTLE SIP.
NO THANK YOU,
POTION MONKEY,
BUH-BYE.
POOR, KRONK!
I HAD NO IDEA
I WAS SUCH
AN INCONVENIENCE,
MEATHEAD.
OH, NOT KRONK.
ME, I'M THE MEATHEAD.
FIRST CHICHA,
THEN KRONK, NOW
CHECK OUT THIS NEXT BIT,
THIS IS WHERE
YOU'LL SEE ME KICK
INTO MEATHEAD OVERDRIVE.
NOPE, NOT IT,
NOT IT,
NOT IT, NOT IT,
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE,
NOT--
KUZCO,
STOP THAT!
MR. MOLEGUACO
KEEPS THE ANSWERS
IN HERE SOMEWHERE,
YOU KNOW THE DRILL,
I DON'T PASS
THIS TEST,
I DON'T GET TO BE
EMPEROR,
BUT-- BUT--
BUT, MH!
DIDN'T YOU USE
THE FLASH CARDS
I MADE FOR YOU?
DIDN'T YOU READ
THE STUDY NOTES I WROTE?
DIDN'T YOU EVEN
TRY TO STUDY?
UHHHHHHHHHHH....
NO.
AHA!
GIMME THAT!
I AM SHOCKED!
Mr. M: FRANKLY MALENA,
SO AM I!
STEALING TEST ANSWERS
IS A MAJOR ACADEMIC
VIOLATION.
GRRRRRRRRR!
YOUCH. SEE THAT
HORRIBLE FACE?
ME NO LIKEY THAT FACE.
THAT FACE IS WHAT MADE
IT FINALLY SINK IN THAT
EVEN THOUGH
I TRY AND TRY,
I JUST DON'T GET IT.
I JUST DON'T FIT IN WITH
NORMAL PEOPLE.
PACHA,
CHICHA, KRONK, MALENA--
I'M AN EMPEROR
AND NO ONE ELSE IS.
YEAH, I KNOW, USUALLY
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
BUT NOT WHEN
I LOOK AT THAT FACE.
Kuzco:SO THAT'S
WHEN I DECIDED TO GO UP
TO THE TEMPLE OF THE SKY GOD,
I MEAN IF I WANNA FIT IN,
I GOTTA TRY EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
YOU LOOK LIKE
SOMEONE WHO'S
ABOUT TO WISH TO FIT IN,
WOW, HOW'D YOU KNOW?
I'VE SEEN LOTS OF
EMPERORS COME UP HERE,
ALL OF THEM WISH TO
FIT IN WITH THEIR SUBJECTS.
[WHEEZING LAUGH]
NEVER WORKS OUT, THOUGH.
WHY NOT?
YOU'VE NEVER WISHED TO
THE SKY GOD BEFORE,
HAVE YOU?
IT'S NEVER
STRAIGHT FORWARD,
YOU GO IN THERE AND
WISH TO FIT IT AND, POOF!
YOU'RE A TREE
THAT FITS INTO A FOREST
10 THOUSAND MILES AWAY.
FORESTS ARE SCARY.
OK, WHAT WOULD YOU
RECOMMEND?
YOU SHOULD WISH--
[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
I WISH I'D
NEVER BEEN EMPEROR!
SEE? THIS IS
WHERE YOU CAME IN.
DOESN'T SEEM
SO BACKWARDS
UPSIDE DOWNY,
WHEN YOU SEE HOW
I GOT HERE, RIGHT?
HEY, QUIT
WITH MY YAMMERING
ALREADY,
WE'VE GOT SOME EXPENSIVE
MAGICAL EFFECTS
TO CHECK OUT.
THAT COSTS EXTRA?
'CAUSE WE HAVE NEVER
HAD STUFF LIKE THAT
ON THIS SHOW BEFORE.
[CHUCKLES]
HEY! WHERE DID
MR. CREEPY McCREEPERHAM GO?
HUH. WHAT'S
THAT NOISE?
[TAPPING]
[TAPPING]
DUDE. WHAT'S GOING
ON OUT THERE?
HEY, IT'S A LITTLE ME
IN A SNOW GLOBE.
HELLO,
KNICK-KNACK ME.
HEY, GIANT ME.
YOU LOOK DIFFERENT,
LIKE YOU'RE...
NOT AN EMPEROR,
OR SOMETHING.
I'M NOT!
I'M GONNA CHECK OUT
WHAT IT'S LIKE TO
ACTUALLY
FIT IN WITH
ORDINARY PEOPLE.
OK, HAVE FUN
WITH THAT.
I'LL BE IN HERE,
BEING AN EMPEROR.
IF YOU EVER
WANNA CHANGE BACK,
YOU KNOW, JUST...
CRACK OPEN THE ORB.
♪ HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA
FIT IN, FIT IN, FIT IN ♪
♪ HEY LOOK AT ME, I'M GONNA
FIT IN, FIT IN, FIT IN... ♪
♪ ...EVERYWHERE! ♪
WHAT THE HEY?
Yzma: ♪ WELCOME TO MY CITY ♪
♪ WELCOME TO MY LAND ♪
♪ WELCOME TO THE EMPIRE ♪
♪ THAT ONLY I COMMAND ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ MY FAVORITE PLACE TO BE ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ WHERE IT'S ALL FOR ONE
AND THAT ONE IS ME ♪
♪ FROM YZMA BOULEVARD,
TO YZMA AVENUE ♪
♪ ALL LANDMARKS AND ROADS
AND PARKS ARE NAMED
FOR ME, NOT YOU ♪
YOU KNOW UNTIL I CAME ALONG,
THIS WAS JUST A ONE LAMA TOWN,
BUT NOW IT'S...
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS
THE R-R-REGION THAT I RULE ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS,
NOW WELCOME TO MY SCHOOL! ♪
♪ Y-Z-M-A
YZMA, YZMA, HOO RAY! ♪
♪ YZMA-POLIS, MY METROPOLIS,
A WONDROUS PLACE TO BE ♪
IT'S GLORIOUS.
VICTORIOUS,
WE ALWAYS LAUGH
UPROARIOUS.
'CAUSE LIFE IS
SO EUPHORIOUS!
AND HERE IS
WHAT YOU'LL SEE.
♪ YZMA MOVIES, STARING ME ♪
♪ MY NAME IN LIGHTS
ON THE YZMARQUEE ♪
♪ YZMA BOOKS AND MAGAZINES,
YZMA SHIRTS, YZMA JEANS ♪
♪ YZMA CHOCOLATE, YZMA MINTS,
YZMA SHAMPOO AND THE RINSE ♪
♪ ALL THE DOGS ARE YZMALTESE AND
LIFE IS JUST AN YZMA-BREEZE ♪
♪ HEAR ME CHAT
ON THE RADIO AT... ♪
♪ Y-Z-M-A FM ♪
Reporter:
♪ YZMAPOLIS MY METROPOLIS ♪
♪ WITH NEWS
AND SPORTS, WHATEVER ♪
♪ YZMA TRAFFIC'S ALL BACKED UP
AND NOW A LOOK AT WEATHER ♪
I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW
YOU MY NEW PROJECT.
YZMATOPIA!
THERE'S A PEASANT VILLAGE
ON THE SPOT RIGHT NOW,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP PROGRESS,
YZMAPOLIS IS GROWING,
AND SOON, SOON,
SOON IT WILL BECOME...
♪ YZMAPOLIS
MY METROPOLIS ♪
Yzma: ♪ MY PURPLE LEGACY ♪
♪ YZMAPOLIS ♪
♪ THERE'S NO STOPOLIS! ♪
THAT'S NOT A WORD!
♪ IT IS TO ME ♪
♪ SOME HAVE TRIED TO
RUN AND HIDE ♪
♪ BUT THEY JUST
CAN'T GET FREE ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WHEN I'M DEAD ♪
♪ YOU'LL BOW YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ TO AN YZMUMMY OF ME! ♪
[YZMA LAUGHING LOUDLY]
♪ WELCOME TO HER
CITY, WELCOME TO HER LAND ♪
♪ WELCOME TO THE EMPIRE
THAT ONLY I COMMAND ♪
YZMAPOLIS.
PACHA, CHICHA!
HOW DO YOU KNOW
OUR NAMES?
NO TIME TO BE
POLITE, WE'RE DUE
AT THE PALACE, COME ON.
WE'VE BEEN
SUMMONED.
WAIT. WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
IT'S ME, KUZCO.
DON'T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?
YEAH, YOU'RE THE GUY
WHO JUST STOPPED US
TWO SECONDS AGO.
LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
WANNA BE RUDE, BUT GET
OUTTA THE WAY, WILL YA?
THAT'S A FINE WAY TO
TREAT YOUR EMPEROR!
OH, WAIT.
RIGHT, STUPID WISH.
BUT THEY SHOULD AT LEAST
STILL RECOGNIZE ME, RIGHT?
WAIT A MINUTE,
THE SKY GOD DIDN'T JUST MAKE ME
"NEVER BEEN EMPEROR,"
I'VE NEVER BEEN,
PERIOD!
VERY FUNNY!
YOU'RE A HOOT, YOU ARE.
YOU KNOW, THERE ARE
HUMORLESS CHILDREN ON
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD,
JUST STARVING FOR SOME HILARIOUS
COMIC TALENT LIKE YOURS.
ONE MORE TIME,
EMPRESS YZMA,
UH, SO YOU'RE SAYING
OUR HUT IS IN THE
PERFECT SPOT...
...FOR YOUR POOL?
WELCOME TO YZMATOPIA,
MY ULTIMATE SUMMER GET AWAY.
COMPLETE WITH LOOP-DA-LOOP
WATER SLIDE, HA HA HA.
WHAT?
IT'S A LITTLE
"GLAD I'M ME" GIFT, TO ME.
BUT OUR FAMILY HAS LIVED
ON THAT HILLTOP FOR THE
LAST SIX GENERATIONS.
ARGGGGGGH!
WOW, THAT'S COLD.
I MEAN, I KNOW I ALMOST
DID THAT EXACT SAME THING
WITH KUZCO-TOPIA,
BUT I DIDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT,
GIVE ME SOME CREDIT,
NO? OK, WELL, AT LEAST
I'M LESSER OF TWO EVILS, RIGHT?
UH, I VOTE YES TO
WHATEVER GETS YOU
TO HELP US DOWN.
UH, OFF CAMPUS
DURING SCHOOL
HOURS, EH?
COME WITH US!
HEY! NO TOUCHY.
I DON'T KNOW WHO
THIS PRINCIPAL AMZY IS
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
I'M THE PRINCIPAL
OF YZMA ACADEMY,
PRINCIPAL KRONK.
BECAUSE KRONK
IS MY NAME, AND
I'M THE PRINCIPAL.
RIGHT,
I GUESS
THAT MAKES SENSE, SORTA.
WITHOUT ME IN SCHOOL,
YZMA DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE AMZY ALL THE TIME.
EH, I BET THAT GIVES YOU
LOTS OF FREE TIME
TO PURSUE THAT
RECIPE HOBBY OF YOURS, RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU BLABBERING
ABOUT FREE TIME? HOBBY?
BEING PRINCIPAL IS
A 24-7 COMMITMENT,
WOW, THIS KRONK'S
EVEN WORSE OFF THAN
THE ONE BACK HOME,
AT LEAST MY KRONK HAD
SOME TIME TO HIMSELF.
YOU KNOW, WHEN HE'S
NOT TRYING TO TURN ME
INTO A GNU OR A MONKEY.
THIS GUY'S ABOUT TO
BLOW A GASKET.
WHOA, STOP!
IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT--?
NO. NO! CHECK, PLEASE.
I'M OUTTA HERE!
LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA--
NOT EVEN LISTENING,
ARE YOU? YOU'RE
A TROUBLEMAKER!
THIS IS HOW WE DEAL
WITH TROUBLE-MAKERS
AT YZMA ACADEMY!
HUH?
UHG, UHG,
UHG!
Malena: EXCUSE ME, UH--
DO YOU NEED HELP?
MALENA?
BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
LET ME JUST ASK,
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME?
DO I LOOK AT ALL
FAMILIAR?
LIKE I USED TO BE
EMPEROR, GO TO LUNCH
WITH YOU EVERYDAY,
GOT YOU BUSTED FOR
STEALING TEST ANSWERS,
RING A BELL?
NO, NO,
NO, NO, AND NO.
WOW, SHE SAYS NO, JUST
LIKE NORMAL MALENA.
THANKS.
SO, UH--
WHY AREN'T YOU
IN SCHOOL?
I'M NOT ALLOWED TO
GO TO SCHOOL.
[SOBBING] I'M TOO PRETTY
AND... I'M TOO SMART!
BY ORDER OF EMPRESS YZMA,
I WALK THE STREETS
IN SHAME FOR MY GREAT
BEAUTY AND BRAINS.
NAW, COME ON.
YOU'RE... MALENA!
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO
BE PROUD OF BEING
PRETTY AND SMART.
[SOBS] YOU KNOW,
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU,
BUT I THINK YOU
MIGHT BE RIGHT.
PRETTY AND SMART
IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!
FREEZE! YOUR NEW FOUND PRIDE
IS IN VIOLATION OF YZMA LAW.
TO THE DUNGEON!
NOOOO-AHHHH!
MALENA, NO!
Kuzco:AND NOW IT'S TIME
FOR KUZCO'S DOODLES,
THAT'S WHERE YOU
GET TO SEE ME TOTALLY WAIL
ON SOME GIANT GUARDS
AND RESCUE MALENA!
LOOK, THERE'S THEM.
[GIRLY VOICE] "OH, LOOK AT ME,
I'M A LITTLE GIRLY GUARD!
QUICK! SEIZE, KUZCO!
DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"
AND I'M ALL,
"GIVE ME KUZCOPOWER CHOP--"
HYE-YAH! HYE-YOO!
HYE-YOO!
THEN I RESCUED MALENA.
AND THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.
WOW,
WHAT A COWARD.
I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANYONE RUN AWAY SO FAST.
HEY, I THINK
HE WENT THERE--
OK, I DIDN'T RESCUE MALENA.
SO, SUE ME.
YOU COME TRY TO DO IT.
THOSE GUARDS ARE BI-IG.
I'M GONNA GO HOME.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YZMAPOLIS.
[PANTING]
WHY'S IT
GOTTA BE THE SKY GOD?
WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE...
THE "DOWN THE STREET
BY THE LAMA SHOP" GOD?
YO, MR. SKY! TIME TO
CRACK OPEN THE ORB AND...
[GASPS]
OH, NO!
IT'S GONE, GONE,
GONE, GONE!
Old Man:
LOOKING FOR...THIS?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
HAND IT OVER.
COME ON.
I'D LIKE MY REGULAR
OLD EMPEROR LIFE
BACK NOW.
YES, PLEASE.
Old Man: HA HA!
BUT IT'S NOT
YOUR LIFE ANYMORE,
IT'S MINE,
FOR, YOU SEE,
I'M YZMA!
[CACKLING LAUGHTER]
Yzma: SO, KUZCO,
HOW HAVE YOU ENJOYED
YOUR VISIT TO YZMAPOLIS,
MY METROPOLIS--
WHOA, WHOA, YOU ALREADY
DID THE, UH,
SINGING THINGY,
AND AS FOR YZMAPOLIS,
I'VE LEARNED, IF I WERE
A LITTLE LESS SELFISH,
I MIGHT NOT BE
SUCH A BAD EMPEROR.
THAT AND, I GUESS
I'M NOT SO WILD
ABOUT PURPLE,
BUT I GET THAT
THAT'S YOUR THING,
SO... NO BIGGIE.
WHAT I DON'T GET IS,
HOW COME NO ONE KNOWS
WHO I AM BUT YOU?
AH, THAT'S EASY,
FOR TEMPORARY PROTECTION
FROM MINOR SKY GOD
WISH MAGIC.
HUH. OK, THEN.
QUESTION TWO,
WHY NOT JUST WISH TO BE
EMPRESS YOURSELF?
YES! THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT
I SAID, TOO.
AS IT TURNS OUT, THERE'S
ONLY ONE WISH PER PERSON,
WELL, WE DIDN'T
KNOW THAT YET,
WHEN I WISHED FOR
A COOL HAT,
AND THEN I WISHED IT
AWAY, BUT NOW,
I'VE TRICKED YOU INTO USING
YOUR ONE WISH TO MAKE
MY DREAM COME TRUE!
WAIT, RUN
THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
I TRICKED YOU INTO
USING YOUR WISH
TO MAKE MY DREAM
COME TRUE!
OK, NOW I FOLLOW
YOU.
YEAH, YOU JUST WENT
THROUGH THAT A
LITTLE QUICK,
HEY, DON'T FEEL
BAD, STRANGER,
I HAD TO ASK FOR
A REPEAT TOO.
FINE, I'LL TALK
NICE AND SLOW FOR
THIS NEXT PART,
Yzma:NOW THAT YOU'VE
NEVER BEEN AN EMPEROR,
YOU HAVE TO MAKE DO IN THE REAL
WORLD, AS A NORMAL PERSON
IN A NORMAL HOUSE,
YOU'LL GO TO SCHOOL
AS NORMAL KID,
THEN STRUGGLE TO
GET NORMAL GRADES LIKE
ALL YOUR NORMAL CLASSMATES,
SOMEDAY YOU'LL GRADUATE,
THEN YOU'LL GET A NORMAL JOB,
Speaker: ORDERING
ONE BURGER, HOLD THE
ONIONS, FRIES, AND A YZMALT.
Yzma:AND WILL BE
SO NORMAL, YOU'LL SNAP.
AND YOU'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT
TO RUN OUT AND DO SOMETHING
SPECTACULARLY HEROIC,
AND BECOME
AN EMPEROR ONCE AGAIN!
IT'S BRILLIANT,
BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!
SO, YOUR ULTIMATE,
GIANT, END-ALL PLAN
MAKES ME EMPEROR
AGAIN.
REALLY?
NO, THAT CAN'T
BE RIGHT, CAN IT?
"NEVER BEEN EMPEROR,
NORMAL KID, HOUSE,
SCHOOL, NORMAL, NORMAL,
"GRADUATION, JOB,
NORMAL, NORMAL,
BECOME EMPEROR ONCE AGAIN"
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
BEATS ME,
LADY, IT'S
YOUR HANDWRITING,
FINE!
NEVER MIND,
I'LL JUST HAVE TO USE THIS!
WAHH!
I'M A BUG-FACE!
NOW, KRONK, NOW!
GET THE HAMMER!
Bug-Face: STOP! STOP!
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
[DRIPPING]
UH,
A TALKING BUG?
KRONK, I'M KUZCO!
KUZCO,
THE TALKING BUG.
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND,
YOU CHEESE-HEAD?
KUZCO,
THE INSULTING,
TALKING BUG.
[WHOOSH]
MHH!
[PANTING]
I'VE
GOTTA GET MY LIFE BACK!
BUT WHERE
DOES SHE KEEP IT?
[SNORING]
DON'T LET KUZCO GET AWAY.
[SNORING]
NO, YOU DUMB OX,
HE'S OVER THERE.
[SNORING]
GET ME ANOTHER--
[TAPPING]
HM?
HEY, BRO,
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
LOOKING GOOD!
MAKING PLANS WITH
THE LADY BUGS I BET, RRRROWR.
SHH!
[SNORING]
DON'T LOOK AT ME,
I WASN'T DRIVING.
MMMH!
UH-OH.
WHAT IS THAT,
ANYWAY?
IT FLINGS
THINGS, HA!
[SNORING] NO, SO
I DIDN'T HEAR A THING.
HEY ME,
AM I OK IN THERE?
HUH!
NO KRONK, DON'T!
MALENA, THANKS.
BUT, HOW'D--
...I FIND YOU?
YEAH,
AND HOW'D--?
...I KNOW
YOU'D
BEEN TURNED
INTO A BUG?
SIMPLE, I'M
REALLY SMART.
AND IT'S WEIRD, BUT
SOMEHOW I FEEL LIKE
I KNOW YOU
FROM SOMEWHERE.
I HAD TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE OK.
KRONK!
OOPSEY.
HUH?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
WHY AM I
HOLDING YOU?
'CAUSE I'M CUDDLY,
RRROWR!
YO,
KUZCO MAN!
YOU'RE LOOKIN'
MIGHTY THIRSTY.
HA, NOT
GONNA GET ME
WITH THAT ONE.
CAN'T BLAME A GUY
FOR TRYING.
SHH, LOOK HONEY,
IT'S THE RARELY
SEEN, LAZY HOUSE
GUEST.
DON'T SCARE IT AWAY.
I'VE NEVER
SEEN ONE IN
THE WILD BEFORE.
Kuzco:YAY! EVERYTHING'S
BACK TO NORMAL!
MALENA CAN BARELY
TOLERATE ME, KRONK'S
TRYING TO POTION ME,
AND AND PACHA AND CHICHA
ARE BUSTIN' MY CHOPS.
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T KNOW
I HAD IT IN ME AND
FROM NOW ON FORWARD,
I'M GONNA MAKE IT ALL A
LITTLE LESS ABOUT ME AND
BE A MUCH BETTER EMPEROR.
Kuzco:AND IT'S ALL
THANKS TO YZMA!
Yzma: OHHH,
KUZCO!
WAHHHH!
OH!
HEY!
[BLOWING]
AW.
[POP]
WAHHHH!
OOH.
[BLOWING]
MH--?
[POP]
WAHHHH!
[POP]
WAHHHH!
OH.
AH!
[BLOWING]
AR, AR,
AR, AR.
PLPLPLPLPLR!
[LOUD POP]
OH.
WAHHHH!
WAHHHH!
[BLOWING]
[POP]
WAHHHHH!
ARGGGG!
[GRUNTS]
WAHHHHH!
AWWWAW,
AW!
OH, MY GOD.
OH.
HUH-HA!
[DING DING]
[BLOWING]
MMM?
HMMM.
HEE HEE.
HA!
[POP]
HMMM?