The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 2, Episode 21 - The First Quarrel - full transcript

Strike two.

Ball three.

Ball? What do you mean ball?

- Ball three.
- Boo.

Hey. I'm having
enough trouble with him.

Besides you weren't
even watching.

In the democracy, the
umpire is always wrong.

- Boo.
- Boo.

Dad, that pitch caught
the outside corner.

You get back there.
I'm forfeiting the game.

Pretty rowdy crowd.



Batter's out.

Mom, I just went six innings
without walking a man.

That's wonderful, dear.

Pour yourself a lemonade,

and pour some
for the umpire, too.

He tried to be honest.

You know, women fans are
the reason that in ballgames

they serve beer in paper
cups instead of bottles.

Who was on the phone just now?

Oh. It was Alice Burke.

She is coming over
in a few minutes.

Oh.

How's Patty getting along?

I'm afraid to ask.



You say to Jim how's the
baby and he tells you for hours.

Oh, just watching Dr. Burke
and Alice together is dreamy.

They're so much in love.

Well, they haven't
been married too long.

Give him a chance.

What does that mean, dear?

I think I'd better
go oil this mitts.

Poor darling. He is anti-love.

Do you know that
Alice was telling me

that Jim takes pictures of
that baby almost every day.

That's true.

Jim takes pictures of
Alice almost every day.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Anybody have a
catcher’s mitt I can oil?

Hi, folks.

- Oh. Hi, Alice.
- Hi, Alice.

I love the way you're
wearing your hair.

Thank you, Dear.

- Hello, Alex.
- Hello, Alice.

How's Jim?

Oh, he is fine. Thank you.

Sit down, Alice.

And Mary, will you wash this

and put them over
slow fire, please.

Sure, Mother. Excuse me.

Mrs. Harris is
bringing in the twins.

I'll go and nail things
down in the office.

Alright.

Now, how's that adorable baby.

You know, Alex was
just telling me that Jim.

Oh...

Dear, what's the matter?

Jim.

I never want to see
that beast again.

Oh...

Alice. Tell me what happened.

He is a beast.

A cruel hateful beast.

Well, surely, you're
not talking about Jim.

He is one of the
gentlest man I've met.

That's what the world thinks,

but you should have
seen him last night

when the mask
slipped from his face.

He is snarled.

Now, what did he snarl?

Oh, the things he said to me,

and with little Patty right
there in the next room.

Oh, it was terrible.

Well, even if she did
hear, at six months,

I don't think she
understood a word.

He is ashamed of me.

And if he wants his
freedom, he can have it.

Alice, I like you both very much
and I'm not going to take sides.

But before I do, please
tell me what happened.

Well, we went to this party,

and everybody was
gathered around singing.

So, I sat on the piano and did
my imitation of Helen Morgan.

You've seen me do it.

Oh, yes, and it's very good.

You sound just
like Polly Bergen.

Thank you. Everybody liked it.

But when we got home,
Jim said I've been silly and,

oh...

And you called him a beast
and things quickly got worse.

Well, this is really your
first serious quarrel, isn't it?

Yes. And I'm glad we had it.

I couldn't have gone
through life with that man

never really knowing
what he was like.

I'm sorry, Donna.

I would have gone
home to Mother's

but she lives 2,000 miles away.

Well, feel free to
drop in any time.

Alice, it seems to me that
this is the kind of situation

where one sense of a word
will straighten out everything.

Well, if he apologizes
for the sake of the baby,

I might listen.

Maybe Jim is waiting
for you to say something.

Well, I still have my pride.

All I want is Patty.

He can have the
wall-to-wall carpeting.

But, Alice, you don't
have to apologize

if you just say
one friendly word.

I'm sure Jim would rush
in and say he is sorry

and the whole
thing will be finished.

But shouldn't the man be
the one who makes up first?

Well, I don't think
that rule is covered

in the marriage ceremony.

Alice, just remember this,

right at this moment, Jim
is as unhappy as you are.

Well, I'll do it for
Patty's sake, Donna,

but I hate him.

Hate him!

Yes, darling. I know
how much you hate him.

And for that reason, I think
you should make every effort

to patch things up and quickly.

Well, I'm sorry to have
been so much trouble, Donna.

Oh, it's no trouble, Alice.

I'll come to you when
Alex and I ever quarrel.

You and Alex.

- He'd never say the
things Jim said to me.
- Oh.

Well, everything is
going to be all right.

You just wait and see.

Thank you, Donna.

Good bye, Alice.

Oh, Momma, that poor baby,

the innocent victim
of a broken home.

Mary, now, don't
get melodramatic.

It's the Burke's first quarrel.

They're just celebrating
it like an anniversary.

Now, I didn't see any marks.

Did he use rubber hose?

Have you finish your
history homework?

History?

Who cares what
happened 100 years ago?

I want to know what's
going to happen tomorrow.

Well, tomorrow, you're
not going to the movie

unless you learned what
happened a hundred years ago today.

That's what's going
to happen tomorrow.

Oh, rats.

Momma, did you give
Alice some advice?

Of course not, dear.

At a time like this,
advice is the worst thing.

I just told her what to do.

Well, they're such a
sweet young couple.

It'd be a shame if this
develops into anything serious.

Stay out of it.

Oh, I wasn't interfering.

I was just giving her
some motherly advice.

Let her mother give
her motherly advice.

Her mother lives
2,000 miles away.

The trip will do her good.

Stay out of it. I'll
be at the hospital.

That's the trouble with doctors.

They pride themselves in
being immune to emotion.

Stay out of it.

Beast.

Beast.

Do you know about it?

Yeah, I just came from home.

Alice is using Donna
as a marriage counselor.

Her mother lives
2,000 miles away.

Thank heavens.

- Her mother is really wonderful...
- I understand.

I've been miserable
since last night.

What will I do?

But don't ask me.
I'm staying out of this.

Alex, I need advice.
I'm new with this.

Please.

Jim, you know, when I was
riding the ambulance as an intern,

every time I went out
on an emergency call,

it was to pick up some
innocent bystander

who tried to settle an argument.

Alice is really
a wonderful girl.

Just at party, she always does
that Helen Morgan imitation.

She looks ridiculous.

I've seen her do it.

Although it was no reason for
me to turn on her so viciously.

What did you say?

Well, I said, "Honey, you
know how much I love you,

but I wish you wouldn't
do that imitation.

It makes you
look kind of silly."

Vicious.

Curse this terrible temper.

I'm going to buy a
present, go home,

fall on my knees and
beg her forgiveness.

Good boy. That will show her.

What do you mean?

Nothing. I'm staying out this.

Alex, if you don't
want to give me advice,

at least tell me what to do.

Jim, Alice knows how you
feel about this piano climbing.

Oh, sure, I told her.

Ever since I was a kid,
people who do imitation...

Then why are you
falling on your knees?

Because what would
life be worth without Alice.

You and Alice are
young and healthy.

You have a wonderful
life ahead of you.

There will be many quarrels.

This is the one that counts.

You mean, if I give
in time this time,

for the rest
of our life, I'll...

Thank you, Alex.

Oh, don't thank me.

As I said, I'm
staying out of this.

Jim.

Yes.

You know that quarrel
we had yesterday?

Yes, Alice, I remember.

Well, wouldn't you
like to say something?

Like what, Alice?

Oh, I don't know.

Just something pleasant,

like, apologizing.

You want me to apologize?

Is that so unthinkable?

- Well, you were one who caused...
- I was the one...

Look, Alice, you
know that I love you.

All I have is your word for it.

Well, I told a million times
how embarrassed I get

- when you climbed on the piano
and start bleating on the top.
- Bleating!

Well, maybe that's
the wrong word.

No. No, it isn't.

If you wanted to sing why
didn't you marry a guitar player

and go on the road.

Do you think that I forgot
my pried and... and...

And what?

Nothing.

You can have the
wall-to-wall carpeting.

Well, Alice, I'm surprised.

I was sure that if you
made some attempt,

Jim would be more than
anxious to call the whole thing off.

So was I.

Can you imagine being
the mother of man's child

and not really knowing him?

What an angle of a child.

It was like talking
to a stranger.

"Alice, I'm not going to
establish a dangerous precedent.

You are wrong, and
you should admit it."

Dangerous precedent?

That doesn't sound like Jim.

I think he's been
talking to someone.

Someone has been
giving him some advice

about being firm and manly.

Oh, one of those
dear, dear friends

who thinks every issue is a
chance to prove the mail superiority.

And even if I
wanted to apologize,

now I can't because
of his attitude.

Poor darling has been fretting

even since this
nightmare started.

She senses something.

Well, in the meantime, let's
do something about her anxiety.

Here we go.

And now, it's a
complete stalemate.

Jim has an attitude.

You know, be a man,
stand your ground.

Do you know something?

Some meddling, busy
body friend, is advising Jim.

Honey, Jim probably
feels that Alice is wrong

and that she should
take the initiative,

and that if he apologizes he...

he might be establishing
a dangerous precedent.

Well, Alex, you know,
in a dispute like this

there's never...

Dangerous precedent?

Have you been
advising Jim, friend?

I merely advanced a theory.

You were the one who
told me to stay out of it.

Well, I think you should.

Why, you're managing
Jim's campaign.

I came to you for help and
you turn this into a civil war.

Well, Alice started it
with that silly imitation.

That's no reason for a man to
snarl at the mother of his child.

Snarl? He said she looked silly.

- He snarled at her.
- Oh, honey,

Jim feels about this thing.

If Alice would only come to him

and say she is sorry
about the whole thing.

It's too late.
She'll never do it.

Why?

She's maybe establishing
a dangerous precedent.

Hi, dear.

Hi, honey.

How was the movie?

Fine, thank you.

And how is Alice's morale?

Never better.

Donna.

How did we get
mixed up in their battle?

Well, I was just
trying to be helpful.

You stayed out of it
by putting feet in it.

Considering that we've
been married all these years,

don't you think we
have pretty good record?

So far.

- Do you think I'll send
this suit to the cleaner?
- Please.

And the reason is the first
time we had a serious quarrel,

we established an
intelligent basis for settling it.

How?

Do you want me to
get rid of this suit?

Well, the one who started
it admitted they were wrong.

- Could you give it to someone?
- I'll give it to the shelter.

- Who was that?
- You.

- Me?
- Of course.

You lost your
temper, apologized.

I said it could happen to
anyone and it was over.

Oh, sure, it could happen to
anyone and it did but not to me.

I was the one who forgave you.

I distinctly remember
the incident.

You said, "Alex, I didn't
mean to ruin our evening."

And I said, "It's not ruined."

All right. Where did it happen?

Um...

I can't seem to
remember at the moment.

What were we arguing about?

I don't know. Your
temper I guess.

Isn't that marvelous,

you can't remember where we were

or what we were arguing about,

but you can remember
verbatim what I was saying.

I have great memory for
words but not for places.

And on the basis of
something you can't remember,

you advised Jim how to behave.

I just told him that if
he apologized now,

he'd be apologizing
for the rest of his life.

Hi, Momma. How was the movie?

Well, I thought it was very
exciting until I got home.

What's up?

Go back to bed.

You'll read about it
in the morning papers.

What will I read in the papers?

Honey, your father and I
were having a disagreement

about something that had happened
before either of you were born.

That's a long time
to carry a grudge.

Jeff, it wasn't a grudge.

Your father just
failed a memory test.

Say, what was life like
before Mary and I arrived?

Empty. Completely empty.

We waited for you to arrive
so we could start living.

See, I brought him happiness.

All right, bundle
of joy, come on.

What did we do before they came?

Well, for one thing,

we didn't have to explain
everything that happened.

Darling,

you know, the Burke quarrel
seems to become our quarrel.

Well, that is silly.

Of course, there is an
intelligent way to settle it.

I'm willing.

How?

Apologize.

Donna, all we ever do
is just glare at each other.

And look, it's ruined
Patty's appetite.

Well, maybe you just
better tell Jimmy you're sorry

and get the whole
thing over with.

Are you suggesting
that I swallow my pride?

Well, you can swallow it
fast like taking a bitter pill.

Admit to that beast
that I was wrong.

Well, I'm not going to give him
the satisfaction of winning out.

Well, Alice, you can't
keep score in marriage.

The defeats and the
victories even themselves out

over the years.

Would you apologize
to Alex if he were wrong?

That's my little angel.

- Hi, dear.
- Hi, darling.

- I didn't come to apologize.
- You didn't.

No, and I don't think
you should either

unless you feel
inclined, of course.

Not particularly.

Oh, all right.

Well, would you agree with me

that we have not
helped Jim and Alice

even though we've
tried very hard?

- For the moment, I agree.
- Uh-huh.

And would you agree

that we also have a
disagreement of our own?

That's true.

Well, as I said to Alice, all it
takes is one sense of a word.

Now, which one of us
is going to be sensible?

Shall we toss?

Oh, darling, let's
forget about our quarrel

and concentrate on
salvaging their situation, hmm?

Darling, you saved our marriage.

Now, what can we do for them?

Well, they celebrate their
anniversary every month

by having dinner at Luigi's.

Every month?

They used to
celebrate it every week?

- So did we.
- Peace.

Now, I thought we could find
out what their favorite dish is

and their favorite song.

Now, that's fine but how
do we get them to Luigi's?

Well, that's where we
have to be kind of clever.

Well, I thought you
could manage that.

And then overwhelmed by
the nostalgic surroundings,

they'll forget their differences
and fall into each other's arms.

Well, of course.

And that way, they don't
have to sacrifice their silly pride.

You know, the next time I
get into trouble with my wife,

I'm coming to you.
You're wonderful at this.

Oh, darling, you're going to
have to get out of it the best

way you know how because
I am through giving advice.

Look. One day next week,

I'll stop by at Luigi's and if
you can arrange to be there,

I'll have the violinist
play our song.

Oh, darling, that's
very sweet of you,

but it won't work for us.

Oh? Why not?

I don't give up
as easily as Alice.

The scent of fettuccine in here
doesn't bring them together.

Nothing will.

You have the soul of a romantic.

A hungry romantic.
They're both late.

Alex, I hope they
don't meet outside.

- Mrs. Stone.
- Yes.

- Telephone.
- Oh, thank you.

Hello?

Alice. Where are you?

Well, I'm at home.

Jim, stop it.

Well, what happened?

Well, Donna, the baby
suddenly woke up during her nap,

and we both rushed in terrified.

Suddenly, as we
were holding her,

everything but Patty
seems so unimportant.

I started to apologize.

No, Donna, I apologized.

Well, we both apologized
and then we started to laugh.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Is there anything
wrong with the baby?

Oh, no. She just sneezed.

Well, as long
as she is all right,

but would you
join us for dinner?

Join you for dinner?

Well, Donna, um...

Well, the baby looked so cute

and Jim wanted to stay
home and take pictures, and...

Well, thanks for
everything, Donna.

Well, I knew it would take
only one sensible word

and it came from Patty.

All right.

Good bye, Alice.

Good night.

Tell Alex hello.

Yes, I will. Good bye, Jim.

Isn't that beautiful?

Brought together
by a baby's sneeze.

And it was no accident.

Patty was fighting to bring
her mother and father together.

May I join you, miss?

Well, I was hoping you'd ask.

Well, the Burke's quarrel,
make up, and we celebrate.

- We must ask them to
do it more often.
- Hmm.

You want some more coffee, dear?

Yes, please.

Waiter.

Alex, never mind.

You just don't have that flare
that brings waiters running.

Oh, no? Watch this.

Waiter.

- Alex, please don't do that.
- Do what?

Snap your fingers at a waiter.

How else do you
expect me to reach him?

I've tried everything else.

Write him a letter, dear.

No, honey, it's just something
about snapping your fingers...

Huh, that's what the
quarrel was about.

Which one?

The one you've remembered
word for word from 15 years ago.

That's right.

And you made a scene
pointing out how rude it was.

I did not. Honey, let's
not make one now.

You're telling me
I'm rude to waiters,

and I remember exactly
what happened that evening.

We sat there for
20 minutes waiting...

More coffee?

Yes, please.

Thank you.

My favorite type of customer
that one who snaps his fingers.

I know just what you mean.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Good evening.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Is there anything I
may play for you?

Yes. Would you play...

Just a moment.

Dear, you have such
wonderful memory.

What were they playing the
night we had the argument?

Do you know C'est si bon?

Of course. Yes, indeed.