The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 23 - The Report Card - full transcript

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, dear.

How was school?

Oh, you know school.

Now, there's an answer.

Answer to what, Mom?

To how was school.

Oh, you know school.

Well, that's true.

We got our report cards today.

Oh.

Well, where is it?



In my pocket.

Is it a good one?

Pretty good, I guess.

Here we are.

You got it?

I got to change.

"C," "C."

"C."

"C."

Although the experiment
is inconclusive,

the number of children tested
indicates a recurring pattern,

which substantially
confirms the belief that...

Come in.

Hi, darling.



Alex, take a look at this.

"C," "C," "C," "C."

Well, Jeff's a very
consistent scholar.

I'm not upset.

I could tell that the minute
you tore into the office.

Honey, I'm not upset.

I know, dear.

It's not a report card to
cheer about, but it's average.

Yeah, well, that's
why I'm upset.

Whatever Jeff's shortcomings
are, he's not average.

He's a sensitive,
imaginative, perceptive child.

But he's not average.

Well, maybe he's an
imaginative, sensitive,

perceptive, average child.

Maybe it's the teacher's fault.

Maybe she can't
appreciate an unusual child.

Maybe.

Maybe it's a reflection on
the whole school system

that fails to consider
the individual child.

He's a piece of
clay to be molded,

not a part of a whole lump.

Well, there's still another
possibility to be considered.

Do you suppose it could
possibly be Jeff's fault?

Honey, Jeff has never
been an average child.

Why, when the nurse
first put him in my arms,

she said, "Mrs. Stone,
he's certainly not average."

I know. He weighed
10 1/2 pounds.

Mom, I'm going over to Zack's.
I'll be home before supper.

Nothing like eating
to work up an appetite.

Jeffrey.

Before you go,

would you mind explaining
this report card to me?

It's all very simple, Dad.

You see, this row
here is my subjects...

Arithmetic, spelling, geography.

And this row here is my marks.

I figured out that much.

But how do you
explain these C's?

It says right here
on the bottom.

""C' means average."

Are you satisfied
with these grades?

Well, sure, Dad. You want
me to be normal, don't you?

Dear, there's a difference
between average and normal.

There is?

Well, I got a B-plus in gym.

Jeff, average means ordinary,

like being part of a lump with
no outstanding characteristics.

Mom, you don't want me to
stick out like a freak, do you?

See you later.

You wait outside. I want
to talk to you a minute.

He's happy being part of a lump.

Well, I'm not. I'm going to
have a talk with his teacher.

Now, don't rush over to
school with a knife in your hand.

Don't be silly.

I'll wait till open
house on Friday night.

Good. That'll give
you time to calm down.

I'm perfectly calm.

Yes.

Don't you think Jeff
is an interesting child?

He's been a challenge to
me ever since he was born.

I'm going.

Jeff, is there anything
bothering you at school?

There sure is.

What?

It's a gyp.

I should have
gotten an "A" in gym.

Never mind gym.

Do you get along
with Miss Standish?

She's okay.

I don't hate her.

Jeff, I know you mean that
as a glowing compliment, but...

Thank you, Philip.

Well, hello, Donna.

- Hello, Jeffrey.
- Hi, Mrs. Adams. Hi, Phil.

- How are you, Philip?
- Hello, Mrs. Stone.

Hey, Phil, what are
you doing here today?

You're not sick, are you?

I don't think so.

We believe in periodic checkups.

You don't have to be sick
to go to a doctor, do you?

Well, Jeff never sees his
father unless it's an emergency.

I'm sorry I made
that error today, Jeff.

Forget it, Phil.

You made an error? Where?

In baseball.

Oh, baseball.

Well, Jeffrey's
right. Forget it.

But it lost the game for us.

And the other fellas
were pretty sore, too.

Show me a guy that
doesn't make errors,

and I'll show you a
guy that isn't human.

Philosophy is one of
Jeff's strong subjects.

Hello, Mrs. Adams.

- Well, good afternoon, Doctor.
- Come in.

Excuse me, please.

Do you have to come
in with me, Mother?

What did you say?

May I go in by myself?

I'll give you a complete report
immediately after, Mrs. Adams.

Well, all right.

You X-ray his chest.

He's been sneezing.

We'll see what we can do
about isolating that sneeze.

Hey, Phil, we're gonna be
working on Zack's car later.

You want to come over?

May I, Mother?

You have a piano lesson later.

Tough luck, Phil. Well,
so long, everybody.

Be careful of Zack's car, Jeff.

It might start
while you're in it.

Don't worry.

That old junk heap hasn't
started in three years.

Philip.

I don't know.

Children seem to resent the
sacrifices you make for them.

Well, birds don't fly away
from their mother's nest

because they're ungrateful.

They just want
to try their wings.

Of course, I know
Philip's grateful.

And we're very proud of him.

Did Jeffrey bring home
his report card this week?

Yes, he did.

Oh, I am so worried.

Phil got straight A's again.

That upsets you?

Well, Mr. Adams and I wish
he would get an A-minus

once in a while.

It's a cruel world, and we
want him prepared for the shock.

Well, I suppose if he
ever brought home a "C,"

it would be traumatic.

Well, Philip would
never get a "C."

Well, a "C" is average.

Yes, isn't it?

You know, Jeffrey's
a very bright boy.

I suppose he got straight A's.

No.

He got a B-plus in gym.

Philip never does
very well in gym.

No, I was thinking
of the subjects

in which a boy
has to use his brain.

Well, I don't think
that a report card

necessarily reflects
the mentality of a child.

There are so many other
factors that enter into it.

Yes, I suppose so.

I suppose I'll see you
at the school on Friday?

Yes, I have to have a
talk with Miss Standish.

Oh?

Jeff should have
had an "A" in gym.

Oh, look, honey.

Here's something pretty.

It's not Linda's.

Wilton.

Yes, dear?

Linda's.

Amazing.

Why did she have to
hang it in the corner?

Oh, I remember when
I was in this room.

You know, nothing has
changed since I've been here.

Nothing except you.

The years have passed.

And you've grown
old and gray and 14.

You know, Miss Standish
asked me if I was your brother.

And I admitted
it just like that.

Did you have to tell her
you were my brother?

No use hiding it, dear.

They can always
take blood tests.

Your mother is looking
for a masterpiece.

Are you represented
in this exhibit?

No. I've been too busy
working on Zack's motor.

Do you suppose you could arrange
to have that hung on the wall?

Too heavy.

Come on, genius.

Find any undiscovered talent?

No, I was just looking around.

Jeff, that picture over
there, the one with the boat.

It's not mine.

Oh.

Well, I could tell
it wasn't yours.

Jeff's work is very distinctive.

Oh. Jeffrey S., erasers.

Did Miss Standish appoint you,

or were you
elected by the class?

Well, I'm not sure.

I got here late one day
and found myself with a job.

Well, anyway, you're
one of the officers.

Oh, good evening, Doctor. Donna.

Mrs. Adams. Phil.

Oh, my husband
is gonna be furious.

There are only two
things of Phil's on display.

I know. You should
hear Alex on the subject.

I'm very upset.

Oh, hi, Jeff.

Hi. How's it going?

Hi, Zack.

Hi, Eddie.

Listen, Jeff, the
guys all want you

to be captain of
the hockey team.

How about it?

I don't know. I'll see
if I have the time.

Hey, can you get
over early tomorrow?

- The motor isn't catching.
- Don't monkey with it.

I'll fix it when I
get over there.

Maybe it's the coil
or the condenser.

My dad has a coil
tester you can use.

Nah. We got one.

See you, Jeff.

So long.

Marvelous. I think so, too.

Jeffery.

I haven't seen any
of Jeffrey's things.

Where are they?

There's some pictures
out in the hall, Mrs. Adams.

They're not mine.

Do you have to sound
so proud about it?

Will you excuse me?

I want to speak
to Miss Standish.

Now, we must get
together for some bridge.

Come on, dear.

I'll call you, Margaret.

Be careful what you call her.

"My husband was just furious.
Only two things on display."

I bet Miss Standish picked the
children's projects at random.

I don't think so.

You know, Phil's
a pretty smart fella.

Jeff's a very gracious loser.

Well, I'll go talk
to the teacher now,

if Mrs. Adams
ever gets finished.

Patience, dear.

And no hitting in the clinches.

And then another thing. We...

Philip, why don't you go over
with the boys by that boat?

Yes, Mother.

We try to surround Philip at
home with a cultural atmosphere.

My husband and I make it a point

to have stimulating,
intellectual discussions.

Philip reflects it, Mrs. Adams.

Oh, I feel so
sorry for the child

whose home life is an
arid intellectual desert.

You needn't worry about Philip.

He's an excellent student.

Remember, if he slips
in any of his studies,

you give him an A-minus.

I'll remember.

Now, goodbye.

Good evening.

Good evening, Miss Standish.

I'd like to discuss
Jeff's report card.

Oh, yes.

I'm not questioning it.

But I'd like to ask a
few questions about it.

Well, I must tell you

that Jeff is a very bright,
friendly, outgoing boy.

He's very well-liked, so I
see no serious problems.

But his grades
aren't very inspiring.

No, they're not.

But why?

I'm not questioning
you, of course.

But Jeff has always been
such an interesting boy.

And a long list of C's
seems so average.

Mrs. Stone, I keep
a detailed record

of all the children's work.

And Jeff has an
overall grade of 75.5,

which makes him, to a
decimal, the average student.

May I ask a question?

Do you think Jeff has the
mental capacity to do better?

Of course.

Jeff does excellent work
in things that interest him.

School isn't one of them.

I have a feeling he's suddenly
going to develop an interest.

- Thank you, Miss Standish.
- You're quite welcome.

- Good night, Miss Standish.
- Good night.

He may not be a
very good student,

but he'll make a
wonderful political boss.

Well, I haven't changed
my opinion at all.

I still think he's a sensitive,
imaginative, perceptive slacker.

Look, Jeff, if you couldn't
do better, it would be different.

We'd just have to accept it.

I can't do better, Mom. Honest.

There's no time for modesty,
Jeff. We know you can.

Jeff, this family

has a reputation to
uphold with Miss Standish.

You keep out of this.

Maybe I should get a lawyer.

Jeff, you're not on trial.

It's a free and open discussion.

Then why am I so nervous?

Look, nobody can tell me

that you're not as
bright as Philip Adams.

What do report
cards mean, anyway?

Some of the smartest guys
I know are dumb in class.

How asinine.

How can they be smart and
still be dumb in class, Jeff?

Because, my darling sister,

who can really tell what's
dumb and what's smart?

Look, Jeff, we're going
to have to take steps

that we don't like taking.

But it's necessary.

Well, if you don't like to do
it, Mom, you don't have to.

Starting immediately,
until your grades improve,

you're coming straight home
and you're going to study.

But what are the fellas
gonna do without me?

Zack's car, the
team. They need me.

They're going to have to do
without their fearless leader

for a while.

And that includes weekends.

No more going to Zack's house
or organizing hockey teams

until your grades improve.

Do I make myself clear?

I knew I should
have got a lawyer.

There's no use
yakking about it, Zack.

I can't come over tomorrow.

My family wants me
to be an intellectual.

I know the motor won't run.

You're gonna have
to fix it yourself.

Hey, wait a minute.

Mom didn't say anything
about the car coming over here.

So what?

It's only three blocks. Push it.

Bye, Zack.

Maybe we're responsible.

Maybe he's not being
intellectually stimulated

at home.

He certainly needs
something, Mother.

All right, I'll lend him my
copy of "Plato's Dialogue."

Alex, seriously, how can we
expect an intellect to blossom

in an arid desert?

Now, just a minute.

What do we talk about
at mealtime, for example?

Household problems,
clothes, gossip.

Can't we talk about
something enlightening?

I'm sure Jeff
would respond to it.

Well, Mother,
what'll we talk about?

Well, anything.

There he comes now.

Now, remember, be stimulating.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Jeff.

How are the studies going today?

Pretty good, I guess.

Well, I read where
there's going to be

an international conference
to discuss the Middle East.

Oh, yes, Middle East.

That's where they have
all those arid deserts.

Mary, did you read about it?

Oh, yes, Mother,
I read about it.

They've invited a representative

from practically
every government.

It should be very stimulating.

What do you think, Jeff.

About what?

The meeting to
discuss the Middle East.

Don't hurt if they talk.

Well, that's a very
intelligent analysis, dear.

Don't you think so, Alex?

Oh, very.

That's exactly what our
State Department expert said.

"It don't hurt if they talk."

Well, I think it's
just wonderful

to live in an age that might
send a man to the moon.

Butter, please.

Imagine some weekend
Jeff getting into a rocket

and just taking
off for the moon.

Haven't seen
Yellowstone Park yet.

I think we ought
to see that first.

Maybe next summer.

Jeff, do you think there's
any human life on the moon?

How should I know?

Once again he's in
agreement with the experts.

They're not sure, either.

Well, I think that...

I'll get it.

Hi, Phil. Come on in.

Hi, Phil.

Would you like some dessert?

Some arid dessert?

All right. Thank you.

Am I too early?

No, you're too late.

You just missed an
intellectual discussion.

What about?

That I couldn't say.

Are you going to do
some homework together?

Yeah, I'm gonna copy
Phil's map of the world.

You're gonna copy his map?

Sure.

Why do it twice? I'll
take Phil's word for it.

Jeff, when Miss Standish
gave you that assignment,

she expected you to
do the map yourself.

Well, why?

The world hasn't changed
since Phil did it yesterday.

Push!

We are pushing.

Well, get some muscle into it.

What do you
know, it's Zack's car.

I seem to recall telling you you
couldn't work on that car today.

No, Mom.

You said that I couldn't go
over to Zack's to work on the car.

But, you see, this
is much different

'cause the fellas pushed the
car over here so I could work on it.

Phil, come on out when
you finish your dessert.

Phil, finish your
milk. It's good for you.

You know, I think Jeff has
you on a technicality there.

You could appeal it to a higher
court, but I think you'd lose.

And on top of everything,

he brings Philip over here
so he can copy his homework.

No, he didn't, Mrs. Stone.

I volunteered.

Jeff could do it himself
if he had the time.

I know.

But he's too busy running the
junior chamber of commerce.

You're a nice boy, Philip,
but please don't defend him.

I'm not defending
him. I just owe him a lot.

Like what, Phil?

Well, in gym, I was always
chosen last for everything.

But Jeff is the only one
who thinks I'm not hopeless.

Yesterday, he chose me
third ahead of six other fellows.

Well, thank you very
much for that fine meal.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye, Phil.

Third ahead of six others.

I wonder why.

You're right, Mother. Jeff
has been blackmailing Phil.

Now, let's not
jump to conclusions.

Maybe Jeff considers
him his friend.

I don't doubt it.

A friend in need
is a friend indeed.

Hey, where's the carburetor?

It's in the backseat.

It fell out on Spring Street.

Where's the fan?

It's in the backseat,
too. It fell out on Melrose.

A couple of you guys
get the parts out of the car.

I'll get a canvas
from the garage.

Let's get this thing going.

Yeah, come on, you guys.

One of these days, we're
gonna get this heap running.

Yeah, and when we're five
years older, we can drive it.

Move, will you?

Can I help?

Nah, we work like a team.

Like a pit crew.

I thought maybe you
could use another helper.

Look, we raised this
heap from a baby.

And we don't like
anybody else to fool with it.

Hey, Phil, I got a manual
from the gas station.

It's upstairs on my
dresser. Will you get it?

Sure, Jeff.

Thanks.

Okay, you guys, what's the
idea of brushing him off like that?

What's a guy like that
doing around here anyhow?

I'm gonna do some
homework with him.

With that creep that makes
straight A's? That kid's sick.

Sure. What's he trying
to do, make us look bad?

No wonder nobody talks to him.

He's a weird one.

What a bunch of mugs.

There's nothing
wrong with getting A's.

Yeah, for girls.

Three all-Americans last
year were "A" students.

Besides, this country
needs scientists.

He's still weird.

Lay off him, will you?

He's got troubles
enough with a mother

that expects him to be perfect.

You know, if he ever
brought home a "C,"

she'd throw herself
out a window.

If I ever brought home a "C,"
my dad would buy me a new bike.

Our folks understand

that a kid's got to
goof off now and then.

But Phil, he's got troubles,
so let's be nice to him.

I still say he's weird.

He's a nice guy, and we
got to give him a chance.

And he's not weird.
He's just different.

Either he works on the car

or you guys can push
this junk heap back home.

I like it.

- He's okay with me.
- Yeah, me too.

What did you say
about a friend in need?

You have to remind me?

Mom, is it all right if
we work on Zack's car?

Yeah, it's all right with me.

- I don't mind.
- Swell.

When you and the
boys are finished,

would you like some
ice cream and cake?

That'd be great.

You know, Mom,
every once in a while,

you get all worked
up about something.

But I got to hand it to you.

You always snap out of it.

- Here's the manual, Jeff.
- Thanks, Phil.

Hey, Phil, give me a hand
with this jack, will you?

You bet!

Well, back to the junk heap.

That boy moves
in mysterious ways.

But he manages to keep
the respect of his subjects

and he gets things done.

Well, that's what
I said all the time.

He's often lazy and sometimes
disobedient and difficult,

but never average.

Come in.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hi, Mom.

Studying, huh?

Studying my little head off.

How do you like my
map of the world?

Beautiful. That's
just beautiful.

It was nothing.

You know, Jeff, it
was very nice of you

to get the boys to let Philip
work on the car with you today.

Nice?

You know, he figured out the
whole ignition system for us.

Of course, he did
it mathematically.

Well, you see?

The knowledge of a
straight "A" can be helpful.

I'm not against it.

Look, Jeff, I know
the difference

between a "B" and a "C" is
sometimes just numerical.

But it's a waste not to
get it if you're capable.

Mom, would you like
some B's next time?

You mean I can order
them just like that?

How many do you want?

One?

Okay, I'll get one.

Two?

Two?

If it wouldn't be
too much trouble.

It would make me very happy.

Well, if it means that much
to you, I'll study a little harder.

All right.

I'll let you study now.

Mom, one A is about
equal to two B's.

So will you settle for one "A"?

Two?

Golly, Mom.

You know, I started out
promising you one "B."

And now we're up to two A's.

You want me to be perfect?

Of course not.

I couldn't love you if you
didn't goof off once in a while.