The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 24 - Boys Will Be Boys - full transcript

Young David Barker returns to the Stones' home for another visit. He has a secret and the stress of hiding it leads him to a very odd dream.

This is Penfield Military
Academy, Major Ryan speaking.

Is the doctor in?

No, he isn't.

Jeff, will you do as I ask?
Take a look at the cake.

I looked at it.
Now what do I do?

If it's done, take it out.

I'm sorry, Major. The doctor
will be back in a few minutes.

Could I take a message?

Our school doctor
is out of town.

One of the boys has
been bitten by a dog.

David Barker. I
believe you know him.



We'd like to ask what to do.

Hey, how can you tell
whether or not a cake is done?

Use your head and be quiet.

I beg your pardon?!

Excuse me. I was
talking to my son.

Tell me, is the dog all right?

Well, never mind about the dog.

It's the boy we're
worried about.

Yes, but the first thing
the doctor will want to know

is whether the dog that
bit him is healthy or not.

There's nothing wrong with
the dog. He's the school mascot.

They boys were
tussling, apparently,

and the dog got excited
and nipped David in the hand.

Nothing serious,
but the skin is broken,



and we don't like
to take chances.

Listen, you, watch
out what you say.

All right, I'll bring him over.

I'll get my car. You
meet me out in front.

Sweeney, go to your quarters.

Yes, sir.

Listen, you, if you
tell them I bit you...

Well, you did bite me.

All right, you squeal,
and I'll fix you.

I'll tell the major who put
the red ants in his bed.

Well, hello, Major.

- Hello, Doctor.
- Hello, David.

Hi, Dr. Stone.

I hear a dog mistook
you for a bone.

Took me for a bone?

That was just a little
joke. May I see the hand?

Dad always makes those jokes

so you can forget how
much it's gonna hurt.

Show it to him, David.

David, it's not going to hurt.

The idea is the joke hurts worse

than what he's
going to do to you.

What's he gonna do?!

Jeff, would you
please keep quiet?

I'm just trying to
make him feel good.

Jeff, please.

Do us all a favor... don't try.

May I see the hand, David?

There.

Well, it doesn't look
like much of a bite.

As long as the skin's
been broken, we...

You said the dog
has been checked?

Only two days
ago. Perfectly okay.

Well, we better give you
an anti-tetanus booster.

- What's a booster?
- A shot.

I don't need a shot, honest!

David, dear, I
think the doctor's

a better judge of
that than you are.

No, he isn't. He wasn't there!

Darling, would
you prepare the...

Dave, do you want to get lockjaw

and have all your teeth pried
out just so they can feed you?

No, no! I mean, yes!

David, attention!

Hey, tell you what, Dave.

If you take the shot okay,

maybe Dad will let you
stay overnight tonight

and take us both to
the ballgame tomorrow.

Will you, Doc?

Uh, well, I...

Why not? Tomorrow's Saturday.

Uh, well, we'll have to
get the major's permission.

Well, why not?
Tomorrow is Saturday.

Well, I guess you're
right, tomorrow is Saturday.

David, would you come over here?

All right, David, up you go.

Roll up your sleeve.

Well, I don't want
the shot anymore!

Wait a minute!
Now, listen! Stop it!

Wait! I don't want to go to
the ballgame anymore, either!

- Oh, sure you do.
- Wait! See, I don't want to!

No, wait! What really
happened was...

There we are.

Now, what were you saying?

Uh, never mind.

You can roll your
sleeve down now.

- That was the shot?
- That was it.

See? And it didn't hurt a bit.

Now you get to see a ballgame.

Yeah.

Can I have another shot
and go to a movie, too?

Mmm. You make?

Can't you tell?

- Where are the boys?
- They're coming.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi, Jeff.

- Hi, fellas.
- Hi, David.

Well, sit down,
David. You hungry?

Sure. Getting a shot
always makes me hungry.

David, do you like lamb stew?

Lamb stew?

I don't think so.

Oh, well, it's
very good for you.

Look, Dave, eat
all your lamb stew,

and then we can have
a big piece of that cake.

A small slice. That cake has
to last us through the weekend.

In that case, just
eat part of your stew.

In any case, stop making
those generous offers.

Oh, well, hi, David. I
didn't know you were here.

Hi.

What did you do to your
hair? You look terrible.

Thanks a lot, Jeff.

Mary, I wish you'd dress
before coming to the table.

Mother, I didn't
have enough time.

Didn't have ti... You know,
she started at 9:00 this morning.

Where are you and
Herbie going tonight?

Oh, I don't know.

We'll probably go
over to Babs' house

and listen to some
records or something.

You have to curl your
hair to listen to records?

Alex, I forgot. We're going
over to the Hales' tonight.

Should I get a babysitter?

Babysitter? What for?

Well, you and David
will be here alone.

Look, Mom, I can
take care of things.

Can we depend on that?
It's a big responsibility, Jeff.

You're right, Dad.

If I do a good job, I
should get paid, huh?

Let's put it this way.

If you don't do a good job,
you'll get what's coming to you.

Sorry I raised the question.

Jeff, remember,
now, you're in charge.

Jeff?

Okay.

David, anything that
Jeff says. Understand?

David?

Okay.

And as soon as this
show is over, off to bed.

That's right. You got to sleep
up for that ballgame tomorrow.

Jeff?

Okay.

Remember now, we'll be
at the Hales' if you want us.

I think they want to be alone.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Zombies.

- Bang! Bang! Bang!
- Bang! Bang! Bang!

Bang!

How about that, fellas and gals?

Pretty exciting, isn't it?

Well, here's something
else pretty exciting.

Chocolate-covered
Bonanza bars...

The delicious candy delight
worth its weight in gold.

Mmm, my! That tastes good!

Have you ever had one
of those? They're terrific.

You'll say you never tasted
anything like Bonanza bars,

the best between-meals
snack you ever had.

I've got to have
another bite myself.

You know something?
I'm getting kind of hungry.

Me too.

Look for them in the
red-and-yellow wrapper

in better stores and vending
machines everywhere.

Let's go out in the
kitchen and scout around.

Okay.

If you want to strike it rich,
buy Bonanza bars by the pack.

And now back to
"The Longhorn Trail."

Hey, how about this?

Think we should?

Well, Mom made
it for the weekend.

You know, it's practically
the weekend all ready.

Yeah, I guess it is.

It could get stale
just sitting here.

Yeah, I guess it could.

Go get a knife.

You get it.

What are you scared of?

Mom won't mind.

Besides, she won't even
notice if we just have a little bit.

Are you sure?

Well, sure I'm sure.

Promise you won't tell?

Hey, it's starting again.

I'll get the knife.

Return with us next week

for another thrilling adventure
on "The Longhorn Trail."

Boy, that was loony.

You said it.

I guess we're supposed
to go to bed now.

Yeah, I guess.

Should I turn it off?

No, wait.

9:00 p.m... Foss's
dog food time.

Hey, 9:00.

We better get to bed. You
know what your mom said.

No, wait.

I just want to see.

Hi-Grade Pictures
presents "The Showdown."

Hey, this looks neat.

Let's just see how it starts.

Think it's okay?

They won't mind.

Course, we might as
well turn off some lights.

So they won't worry.

You know, in case they
drive by or something.

We'll just watch a little bit.

All right, Louie,

you gonna talk, or are we
gonna have to make you talk?

I... I don't know nothing
about it, I tell you.

Honest, Duke.

You got me wrong.

I don't know nothing.

Well, then, we'll just have
to find out what you do know.

Duke!

Duke, what are you gonna do?!

Mona.

What are you doing here?

- I thought you was...
- You thought.

Well, you thought wrong.

You mean... you and him, huh?

Him and me.

But I... I didn't do it.

You know that. Tell him.

Tell him I didn't have
nothing to do with it.

Don't make me laugh.

If you didn't, who did?

Come on!

Don't make me squeal.

Mona, you know what
they'll do to me if I squeal.

You're breaking my heart.

You gonna talk or ain't you?

Maybe we can persuade him.

Yeah.

Get the point?

Don't. Don't!

Then, spill it!

It was Jake.

Jake and Manny.

Jake and Manny, huh?

Just as we thought.

What are we gonna do
with this little rat now?

Throw him out.

They'll take care of him.

No, Duke, no! Mona! Mona!

Don't.

No!

No!

They're laying for me out there.

Mona, have a heart.

Go take a walk. The
fresh air will do you good.

No!

No! No!

Mom and Dad... They're
home! Beat it upstairs!

Turn off the TV!

Are you sure?

Yeah, I saw a light
go off in the kitchen.

The mice have been at the cake.

Mm-hmm.

Television set's still warm.

They headed upstairs.

Nice going, Sherlock.

Well, come on, hurry!

I can't get these off!

Why don't you take
off your sneakers?

I can't get the knots untied.

Smart!

Hold still a minute. Let
me get them over the toes.

Hold still!

What do you think?

It can wait till morning.

Jeff?

What?

You think they found out?

They will find out
if you don't shut up.

I don't feel so good.

I wish you hadn't made
me eat all that cake.

I made you?

It was your idea.

Listen, if you tell Mom and Dad,

you know what happens
to guys that squeal.

Who said I was gonna squeal?

You better not, that's all.

Squealing's the
worst thing there is.

Jeff?

What now?

Suppose you tell
a doctor something,

and he gives you a shot
so you won't get lockjaw.

Only suppose you
don't need the shot.

What will it give you? Lockjaw?

Of course not.

Why?

'Cause my jaw
feels kind of funny.

It's from eating.

Go to sleep.

I'm scared, too.

What if I wake up
and my jaw's locked?

Better keep it moving.

No, no, no!

You know what happens
to guys that squeal.

I didn't! I didn't!

You squeal, boy,
and I'll fix you.

I didn't! I didn't, I didn't!

All right, Louie,

you gonna talk, or do
we have to make you talk?

I don't know nothing
about it, I tell you.

Honest, Duke, you got me wrong.

I don't know a thing.

All right, we're gonna
just have to find out

how much you do know about it.

Duke, what are you gonna do?

Mrs. Stone, what
are you doing here?

- I thought you were...
- You thought.

Well, you thought wrong.

Tell them I didn't do it.
You know I didn't do it.

Don't make me laugh.

If you didn't, who did? Come on.

Don't make me squeal.

You know what they'll do
to me if I squeal, Mrs. Stone.

You're breaking my heart.

Are you gonna talk or ain't you?

All right, who was
it that ate the cake?

Who was the boy
that bit you? Come on!

No talk, huh?

Maybe we can persuade him.

Get the point?

Don't. I'll tell.

All right, spill it.

It was Jeff... Jeff and Sweeney.

Jeff and Sweeney, huh?

Just as we thought.

Well, what are we gonna
do with stupid here?

Let him go.

They'll take care of him.

No! No!

- Come on!
- No, no!

- Come on, get out!
- No! No!

They're laying for me out
there! Have a heart, Mrs. Stone!

Go take a walk.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no!

No, no!

No, no, no!

Get it, Dave, get it!

Pick it up! Turn
it off! Hurry up!

What's going on in here?

Well, it's the alarm clock, Dad.

I kind of knocked
it off the table.

But why did you set it so early?

Well, I guess I forgot
it was Saturday.

All right, all right, go
back to sleep, hmm?

Jeff, for heaven's
sake, be quiet.

Yes, indeed, Mom.
You betcha, Pop.

Boy, got them in a bad
mood before they're up even.

That's the trouble with parents.

The least little thing,
and they start to holler.

You think we'll get
to go to the ballgame?

We'd better be careful, that's
all, and not get them mad again.

Yeah.

And whatever they
say, you agree with them.

What if they ask
questions about last night?

You better keep
your lip buttoned up,

'cause, boy, if you squeal...

Honest, Jeff, I won't squeal.

You better not, that's all.

Hey, I got an idea.

How about if we go downstairs

and set the table
for breakfast...

You know, without Mom asking us?

That's a good idea.

Well, come on, let's get moving.

Jeff, did you brush your teeth?

Yes, Mom, I did, first thing
before I even got dressed.

Good. David, did you?

I brushed them up and
down just like you said.

I must have brushed
them for five minutes.

Well, I believe you.

David, did you brush yours?

Yeah. I mean, no.

I didn't have a toothbrush.

Of course. Come on. I'll
see if I can find you one.

See you downstairs, Dave.

I'm gonna set the
breakfast table for Mom

so she won't have to.

Yeah, see you.

Well, we're being

dreadfully obliging
this morning, aren't we?

Rightfully.

What do you suppose
could possibly be the reason?

I can't imagine.

David, do you have any idea

why Jeff is being so
agreeable this morning?

That's the way he is, 'cause
he's such a great guy, I guess.

There isn't any other reason?

What reason?

I just thought maybe
you might know.

Unh-unh.

Well, guess there's no
accounting for moods.

Now, here's a toothbrush.

We'll keep it here just for you.

You mean I can come back?

Well, certainly. We're always
glad to have you visit us.

You are?

Well, certainly.

Even when I...

Even when you what, David?

Nothing.

- Mrs. Stone?
- Hmm?

You and Dr. Stone have been
so nice to me and everything,

and you're awful good
at figuring things out.

What kind of things, David?

Well, suppose if a friend
of yours did something,

and suppose you knew it.

Yes?

Well, and suppose if another
friend asked you about it,

what would you do?

I mean, if you told on him,

that'd be squealing,
wouldn't it?

Well, I guess you
could call it that.

And if you didn't tell, if
you said he didn't do it,

that would by lying, isn't it?

Oh, yes, I'm afraid
it is, definitely.

That's horrible, too.

That's even more horrible.

So, what do you do?

Do?

Well, David, I guess you just...

do what your
conscience tells you to do.

Oh.

Now, why don't you
go brush your teeth?

Run along.

Well, you sure
dodged that question.

Well, what would you have said?

Well, at least I
would have given him

a straightforward answer.

For example?

Well, I mean, it's
perfectly clear you...

If you tell, it's squealing.

And if you don't, it's lying.

So, what's the answer?

Good morning.

Breakfast is all ready, and
you don't have to do a thing.

Isn't this nice?

And unusual.

Thank you, sir.

Well, what do we have here?

Scrambled eggs.

Oh, Dad, you don't have a spoon.

Oh.

I'm a terrible table setter.

Oh, I think you've
done very nicely.

You shouldn't have
gone to so much trouble.

Well, you go to so
much trouble for me,

taking me and Dave
to the ballgame.

Hey, Jeff, what did
you do to David?

What did I do?

Yeah, he's just sitting
up there in his room.

I asked him what was
wrong, and he said

he was just trying to do
what his conscience told him.

I asked him what that meant,
but he said he wasn't exactly sure.

All he knew is that he
wished he was dead.

Jeff, I think we're going
to have to have a little talk.

I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

About last night.

Jeff, we left you
in charge here.

You don't have to tell me, Mom.

I don't know why
I do those things.

Well, I was only gonna
watch one show, honest,

but you know how it gets you.

Now, about the cake.

Well, I was only gonna
have one little piece, Mom,

but you know how
good your cake is.

Jeff, that's a
lovely testimonial.

Nevertheless, there
has to be a punishment.

Now, what do you
think it ought to be?

I guess I don't get to
go to the ballgame, huh?

No way!

Jeff didn't do it. I did.

It wasn't his fault.

I made him eat the cake.

He didn't want
to, but I made him.

I made him stay up late and
watch a whole lot of shows, too.

He was dying to go to bed,

but on account of
me being a guest

and him being such a
great guy, he stayed up.

It wasn't his fault.

What's eating you? I
already told them that I did it.

You didn't. I did it, too.

We both did it, and
we're both to blame.

Well, I was the one that put
the red ants in the major's bed.

Red ants in the major's... you
must have had him going crazy.

You should have heard him.
He was yelling and hollering.

David, that was a
perfectly terrible thing to do.

It certainly was.

And I hope you never
do anything like it again.

Oh, I wouldn't.

I hope you're very sorry.

I'm just as sorry as Jeff is

about the television
and the cake.

Well, if you don't want
to take us to the ballgame,

that's up to you.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I think
that, in the future,

we shouldn't go out and
leave them home alone.

Oh, I agree.

Yes.

What about the ballgame?

- The ballgame?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, now, even though they
owned up to what they did,

that doesn't excuse them.

Oh, no, indeed.
I should say not.

But what about the ballgame?

Well, I... I did promise
them, and it is Saturday.

- Yay!
- Yay!

Mom and dad like it nice and
quiet at the breakfast table.

All right, how about some
scrambled eggs now?

I'd love some, Mom.