The Donna Reed Show (1958–1966): Season 1, Episode 22 - Love Thy Neighbor - full transcript

How do I look, dear?

Nice.

Oh, darling, very nice!

Hey, you're pretty!

Yeah!

Why, you're... you're beautiful!

You know, I can hardly
believe you're mine.

Too late, dear. You
had your chance.

How does it happen that
we're being honored tonight?

Oh, well, the Wilguses
don't know many people.

They consider us
their closest friends.



Why doesn't somebody tell them?

Suppose we'll end
up playing bridge.

On a momentous
occasion like this?

Their 20th wedding anniversary.

Boy, can you imagine
those two enduring each other

for 20 years?

Well, they may not be the most
enchanting people we know,

but if Wilbur and Celia
are happy together...

Well, if they're so happy,
maybe we shouldn't intrude.

Too late.

Come along, dear.

"To my darling Celia.

A rose for each ecstatic year."

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12.



2, 4, 6, 8, 10, 12.

Hmm.

I beg your pardon, sweetie?

A rose for each year?

You sent only a dozen.

Poetic license, my love.

What's the matter?

Weren't you ecstatic
the other eight years?

Come on, this is
not like you, my love.

Is something wrong?

It just seems to me that
when I want to talk to you

at your office on
our 20th anniversary,

I should not have to
clear with that secretary.

- Angel, Loretta was only...
- Loretta?

Miss Sanders.

She was merely
trying to protect me

from the unnecessary phone
calls a busy executive is exposed to.

You're glowing tonight.

Unnecessary?!

Lovebird, you're shouting.

Well, unless you get rid
of that secretary of yours,

you're going to hear
some real shouting.

I will not allow your
unreasonable attitude

to interfere with the smooth
operations of my office.

Things are running pretty
smooth down there, are they?

Coming!

Good heavens, that
must the the Stones.

Oh!

Oh, ho, ho! Darling!

- Happy anniversary.
- Thank you.

The dear friends

that we've chosen to share
the bliss of this occasion.

Oh, come in, come in. Oh,
isn't that... Is that for me?

I hope you like it.

Oh, my, that was good.

Celia is truly an artist
in the kitchen, isn't she?

- Oh, it was a wonderful dinner.
- It certainly was.

Well, we're pretty lucky men

being married to
these lovely girls.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, mine can
fix the electrical sockets.

He proposed to me after I
changed a tire on his car.

Couldn't let a good
mechanic get away.

Oh, thank you, darling,
for this lovely present.

- Oh, I'm glad you like it.
- Oh, it's absolutely perfect.

It's the nicest thing
I've gotten... so far.

Celia's being kittenish.

See, my gift won't
arrive until later.

I'm sure it'll be
worth waiting for.

Oh, yes, if it ever gets here.

Oh, I didn't want to buy
just any meaningless bauble.

I wanted something
that would really express

what these long years
together have meant to me.

Celia, I envy you.

A man who's thoughtful,
attractive, and so imaginative.

Dear, I hope this serves
as an inspiration to you.

Next year, I'll get
you a tool chest.

Oh!

Well, I searched for
weeks, but then Loretta...

Oh?

Miss Sanders, my secretary,
suggested just the thing.

But they didn't have
the right size in stock.

So it's being
delivered later tonight.

Well, I wonder what it can be.

Wear it in good health, my dear.

You can wear it anytime
you have a formal affair.

Oh, thank you.

Shall we play some bridge?

Well, Alex and I haven't
played in some time.

And we're not very good.

Neither are we. Wilbur
and I are just beginners.

Come, Wilbur.

She doesn't know
one card from another.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's cut for partners.

Oh, could Alex
and I play together?

We have a sort of system.

Oh, well, totally
all right, my dear.

Your make, Wilbur.

I just shuffled in myself.

Okay.

Donna.

Ah.

Tell me, do you play
the Blackwood system

or the Overcall system?

Well, actually, we
don't have a system.

We have a strategy based
on mutual misunderstanding.

How charming.

I hope you have a
good hand, loveykins.

Oh, thank you.

Pass.

I pass.

One no turn.

I, um, uh, pass.

Six spades.

Oh, well, I was going
to bid one spade.

I'm glad I passed.

That was good strategy.

I pass.

Let me review the
bidding here now.

You pass and you
pass, one no turn,

and Loretta bids six spades.

Celia, Celia.

Miss Sanders, my secretary.

I find myself bringing the
problems of the office home.

Miss Sanders is very efficient.

Now, then, let's
review the bidding here.

Wilbur, pass, pass,
one no, pass, six spades.

I pass.

Six no trump.

I pass.

Seven spades.

Pass.

- Pass.
- Naturally.

Pass.

Is that all the spades you have?

Your present.

Loveykins. Oh, excuse me.

Oh, lovey!

I think we should learn to
play bridge a little better.

We're doing fine. We
both passed like experts.

Yes, but I've got seven
hearts in my hand.

Keep it quiet. Maybe
we can get away with it.

- Oh, loveykins!
- Oh, no, no.

Oh, darling.

Isn't that beautiful?

Patience, my dear.

Anticipation is half
the joy of receiving.

Oh, I can't wait!

Oh, and they have such
wonderful taste in minks these days!

- Yes, I know.
- There we go!

Oh, I can't wait!

Yep!

There you are.

A symbol of my love.

For the thousands of pounds
of meat that you have sliced

during our married life.

For the uncountable
fingers that you have cut.

Cecelia, happy anniversary.

Well, it's beautiful,

and a lot of thought
went into choosing it.

That's... That's true.

It's not just something you
pick up in any jewelry store.

Thank you.

We have a bologna
in the kitchen.

Why don't I bring it
out and demonstrate?

Happy, my love?

Symbol of his love.

A bologna slicer.

Oh, poor Celia. What
are we going to do?

You go and comfort
the stricken bride.

I'll stay and watch
the demonstration.

How's that?

Beautiful incision.

Did you see Celia's face
when I opened the gift?

Impressed, wasn't she?

Stunned.

You know, being married to
Celia is quite an experience.

She's so unpredictable.

One minute she's an angel,
and the next minute, she...

Makes life exciting, doesn't it?

It's precarious.

In the last year, I've dismissed
more than four secretaries.

Sweetie is insanely jealous.

Oh, I presume the
suspicion is all unfounded.

Well, people have been
kind enough to suggest

that I'm not an
unattractive man.

Shh!

- There you are, pet.
- Well.

Come, try your meat slicer.

I never did thank
you, did I, Wilbur?

No need, my love.

I saw it in your eyes.

Yes, dear.

Well, maybe it's not
romantic, but it's a gesture.

What's an anniversary
present supposed to say...

"Here, thanks for putting up
with me for all these years"?

Well, it's not supposed to say,
"Here, slice me some bologna."

What's all this nonsense
about his secretary, anyway?

Do you realize how many
secretaries marry their bosses?

They spend lots
of time together.

Secretaries become possessive.

Well, Wilbur isn't
exactly the type

to make a secretary jam
up her typewriter keys.

Alex, type has nothing
whatsoever to do with it.

The papers are
filled with stories

of people who ruin their lives,

and they're not necessarily
romantic looking.

Well, who can that be?

Must be a patient.

No, they'd phone.

What's wrong, Mrs. Wilgus?

Alex, what is it?

Where's Wilbur?

He's home, slicing cheese.

Did you and Wilbur have
a quarrel after we left?

You don't think
I'd let that beast

have the satisfaction of letting
him know how I felt, do you?

Dad!

Daddy, what's the
matter with Mrs. Wilgus?

Nothing, kids.
Just go back to bed.

Who's the beast?

Mrs. Wilgus just got
a little overexcited

about a present she got.

What'd she get, a hand grenade?

Upstairs.

Oh, Daddy, can't we listen?
We didn't watch any TV tonight.

This program is for adults only.

Now, go back to bed.

I've kept this terrible secret
from the world for years.

Do you know what it's like being
married to a handsome brute

that all the women
are crazy about?

Yes, I know.

But, you know,
there's only one woman

in the whole world for
Wilbur, and that's you.

Sure, sure.

The looks he gives you
when you're not watching.

It's going to be
all right, really.

Don't you want to go home
and get some sleep now?

He's probably still
home slicing cheese.

It's an act of togetherness.

A meat slicer may not
be a very romantic gift,

but after all, Wilbur did
spend weeks trying to find it.

Yeah.

Loretta!

She picked it out.

I can't go home.

Oh, Donna, you've
got to help me.

Of course, Celia.

Donna, you're my best
friend, my dearest friend.

I must know the truth.

Go see that Miss Miss.

Oh, no. No, not that. I...

Oh, please, Donna?

You're a woman,
and you will know.

And if Wilbur...

Now, darling, you
can't get involved in this.

But, Alex, I have to.

Supposing it is her imagination?

She's still suffering.

And you heard her. She
considers me her closest friend.

I'll just call Wilbur for lunch,
take a look at the secretary,

report back, and that'll
be the end of the crisis.

I hope so.

Alex, supposing something
like this happened to us,

what would I do?

Oh, darling, this would
never happen to us.

Well, let me warn you.

On our 20th anniversary,

don't you dare bring
home a tool chest.

Hello.

Is Mr. Wilgus in?
I'm Mrs. Stone.

Oh, yes, Mrs. Stone,
he's expecting you.

Won't you have a seat?
He's on long distance.

Thank you.

I should imagine it's very
pleasant working for Mr. Wilgus.

I do what's expected
of me, and we get along.

He's a very interesting person.

Yes, he is.

And he's very attractive,
too, don't you think?

I find him a man of
conviction and decision...

Qualities strangely
lacking in men these days.

He's off now.

Mrs. Stone to see
you, Mr. Wilgus.

Donna, my dear.

- This is an unexpected pleasure.
- Hello, Wilbur.

I hope I'm not taking you
away from some important work.

When a pretty woman
calls and suggests lunch,

how important is the
merger of a few corporations?

You're due back for an
appointment at 2:00, Mr. Wilgus.

What would I do
without Miss Sanders?

Well, I won't keep you
long. I just want to talk to you.

Oh, the intrigue grows.

Loretta, we shall be
at the Pompeian Room.

My dear.

Thank you.

Here we are, my dear.

Thank you. Thank you, Wilbur.

- Comfy?
- Yes, thank you.

- How do you do, Mr. Wilgus?
- Oui! Buon giorno.

Cómo está, Alfredo?

Oh, I'm fine, sir.

He's Italian, you know.

Is everything satisfactory, sir?

- Fine, Alfredo, fine.
- Yes, thank you.

We can talk here.

Care for a drink, my dear?

Uh, no. No, thank you,
but why don't you have one?

Yes, I think I'll have a...

Very well, sir.

Now, then, young lady,

you have a motive for
coming here, haven't you?

Yes.

Yes, I have.

What I have to say
is... Is sort of personal.

Personal?

Well, actually, I don't know

whether I even have
the right to say it or not.

Oh, that personal, huh?

You know, Wilbur, you're
a very attractive man.

Oh, I have been told
that I do have a certain

craggy, masculine charm.

And you're a man of
conviction and decision,

and it's that sort of
strength that attracts women.

Oh, I suppose so.

But I have never
encouraged them.

Oh, no, no, no, I
didn't mean that.

No.

I'm sure that you're
not even aware of...

Of how a certain woman
might feel about you.

Make that a double.

Yes, boss.

This must be very
painful for you, my dear.

Well, I didn't want to
become involved, but I...

I couldn't help it.

You understand.

I do, completely.

Well, I'm happy that I was able
to convey a delicate situation

without mentioning names.

I'm really very new
at this sort of intrigue.

Poor child.

Donna, I must be as honest
with you as you've been with me.

Oh, I want you to.

From the moment I met
her at a wrestling match,

there has been only
one woman for me.

Celia.

Well, I'm so happy for Celia.

And this certain other woman...

Oh, well, she had no
right to even think of you.

You and Celia belong together.

She'll just have to work out
her problem in her own way.

Your double tomato juice, sir.

Well, my dear, shall we order?

Yes, Wilbur.

I've got to see you, Doctor.

Well, come in, Wilbur.

If you're busy, I'll come
back later next month.

No.

That would be the coward's way.

You and I are grown-up
men now, aren't we, Doctor?

That sounds like the
preface to a serious subject.

Sit down.

I just cannot understand it,

and I think you will
be shocked, too.

Well, I'm supposed to be
trained to respond unemotionally.

Not to this.

If at any time you feel
you should strike me...

I'll understand.

Here we are, Wilbur.

You, uh, you can take
these off when I'm ready.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well.

I want you to know

that I am completely
responsible for what happened.

What's happened?

Oh, nothing. Oh,
she's a real lady.

A victim of her emotions,
perhaps, but a real lady.

That you must believe.

Wilbur, I don't know
what happened,

and I'm not sure I want to know,

but as long as you
didn't provoke it,

well, after all,
she's of voting age.

What a civilized attitude!

I must repeat that
she's a perfect lady.

She told me today,
only after the agony

of unrequited love had
become unbearable.

Wilbur, I know Celia is
very much in love with you,

and I think you feel
the same way about her.

Oh, I do.

I worship that little pixie.

Well, then, no harm's been done.

A woman jumped to an
unwarranted conclusion,

though I must say I admire
her honesty in telling you so.

An act of supreme courage.

You have every right
to be proud of your wife.

What?! Donna?!

Now?

Shock.

Oh, boy.

Have a good laugh.

It'll make you feel better.

Wilbur, did you... Did
you jump to this conclusion

because of what
Donna told you at lunch?

Why, you... you knew she
was going to lunch with me?

Yes, I drove her to your office.

Rarely have I seen
such understanding

between husband and wife.

Wilbur, this whole
thing began...

- Hello.
- Angel!

Loveykins! Poopey!

Oh, how could I
have mistrusted you?

My love, my treasure, my pet.

Donna told me everything.

Every... Well, perhaps
I better explain.

No, no, no, no, no,
you don't have to.

It was just one of those
misunderstandings,

but it's all right now.

Yeah, it could have happened
to anyone. Think nothing of it.

You know, I once
saw a scene like this

in an Noel Coward play.

Oh, loveykins, let's go home.

And I'll slice some
bologna just for you.

Donna, thank you.

- Goodbye, darling.
- Bye, dear. Bye.

Be kind to her.

She couldn't help it.

Goodbye, Wilbur.

There.

Aren't you glad everything's
all straightened out?

You did a wonderful job.

And it just proves that
husbands and wives

should speak what's on their
minds instead of going around

imagining terrible things.

Oh, when I think
of it, it is silly.

Wilbur involved
with another woman.

What's the matter, dear?

There is another
woman in Wilbur's life.

Oh, darling, he told me
how he feels about Celia.

Why, it was
absolutely beautiful.

I... I know, but, you see,
this woman loves him,

but she also knows he
can never return that love.

Really?

How do you know?

He told me.

His secretary?

Somebody we know?

Really well?

Married?

Children?

That's terrible.

Who is it?

I can't tell you.

Well, why not? I
won't tell anyone.

Oh, please give me a clue.

Well, she's very pretty and
the last person you'd suspect.

Well, then, why
won't you tell me?

Privileged communication
between doctor and patient.

Darling, if this ever got
back to the woman's husband,

he'd be destroyed.

It's all over between
Wilbur and this woman.

Let's leave it that way, hmm?

All right, dear. You're right.

But will you tell me someday?

Oh, maybe someday.

Somebody we all know.

Married and with children.

I just can't believe this has
happened to somebody we know.

That's because
you're a real lady.

You bid five, went
down six, doubled.

Vulnerable.

2,300 points.

I'm sorry, dear.

Oh, you played it magnificently.

You shouldn't bid so high.

After all, you were vul.

Yes, and I had
four of the queen.

Well, I'll go slice
some more meat.

Your deal, your make.

Oh, Donna, I must apologize.

Oh, what for? It was my fault.

Oh, no, no, no.

For what happened
at lunch the other day.

I should have known.

But then, you were
very mysterious.

Oh, very mysterious
and complimentary.

But even then I should've...

Imagine thinking that you
were enamored with me.