The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 22 - You Can't Stop the Music - full transcript
Willie Colón and Mario Bauzá, legendary Salsa and Latin music performers, play themselves to perform a concert on a local radio station. Clair, who represents them, and Cliff, a big-time fan, go to the station to watch the performance.
♪♪ [theme]
Yes, Mr. Parsons, that's right.
This broadcast has a potential
audience of 100 million people.
It is historic.
It's the first Cuban-American
cultural exchange in 30 years.
[scatting]
Yes, I'll see you in an hour.
Thank you. Good-bye.
[scatting]
Come on, let's go!
Let's go, I'm ready!
Calm down. Oh, you calm down.
I am going to be in the
same place with Mario,
and my best friend
in the world, Willie.
Come on, honey,
calm down. Calm down.
I don't want you
to be disappointed,
but you might not get to meet
Willie Colón or Mario Bauza.
I don't care. I don't
care about the meeting.
Just to be in the studio, the
same place with these men...
[scatting]
Did you do your job?
[continues scatting]
Did you do what you
were supposed to?
Listen, I'm telling
you, my mind is...
Did you do what you
were supposed to do?
Yes, I did.
My mind is calm but
my body can't stop.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Whoo! I can't help it.
Now, what were you saying?
I asked you, "Did
you do your job?"
Of course I did my job.
Who is the babysitter?
I found somebody who is
as comfortable in our home
as they would be
in their own house.
Okay?
Okay. Yeah.
[doorbell rings and clunks]
I'm going to fix it.
I'm going to fix the
doorbell. You know why?
Because I'm a man who's
dedicated to completion.
[scatting]
Good afternoon,
Dr. Huxtable. [scats]
Mrs. Huxtable.
Hi Kenny. Rudy's spending
the night with Danielle,
and we're on our way out.
Yes, I heard.
Have a good time.
Kenny's the babysitter?
Yes. Correction. I'm your PSO.
PSO?
Pediatric Security Officer. Oh!
Uh, Kenny, are your parents going
to be home in case of emergency?
[Kenny] Yes, sir.
Here is a list of all
the important numbers.
And this is the number where you
can reach Mrs. Huxtable or myself
at the radio station.
Okey dokey?
Olivia! We're leaving.
Olivia, Kenny is going
to be your babysitter.
Dr. Huxtable... PSO.
I'm sorry.
Olivia, this is Kenny.
He is going to PSO
you while you are here.
We've got to GGG.
GGG? Get out of here?
Go, go, go.
Go go go. GGG.
[both] Good night.
[scatting]
♪♪ [salsa]
We're late.
We're not late,
they're just rehearsing.
We are late. The band's playing.
They've already started.
What did you want to do?
Get here this afternoon
with the trucks?
Trucks came?
♪♪ [salsa]
♪♪ [singing in Spanish]
Okay, take 15, but...
[men] Don't leave the building!
Very good.
Willie Colón!
[laughter]
Who is this making
my wife laugh?
This is Mitch Lawson, General
Manager of Continental American Radio.
How are you,
making my wife laugh?
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me, I have
to return a phone call.
Dr. Huxtable? Yes sir?
You looking like you're
itching to get out there.
Oh, man... yeah.
You play an instrument yourself?
Oh, well, not well enough
to play with the big fellas, no.
What do you play?
Little of this, little of that.
What kind of this?
Well, uh, this, uh,
mostly, you know,
I'm into the percussion field.
[scatting]
How'd you like to meet
the legendary Mario Bauza?
You're kidding?
It can be done. Really.
Okay, but I don't
want to get in the way.
I hope he's not too busy.
I've only known this
guy a couple of days,
but we already got this
repartee thing going.
Mario, I've got somebody
here I'd like you to meet.
This is Dr. Cliff Huxtable,
Mrs. Huxtable's husband.
Doctor, it's a
pleasure to meet you.
Well, sir, I love your work.
You know why?
Why? Because I love to work.
Oh, okay.
This is quite
some day, isn't it?
I'm trying to make
history here today.
Yes, and you probably will.
I hope so.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
Why? Where you going?
You ain't done
nothing wrong yet.
Repartee!
Well... What is that?
That's some drum.
That's a bata drum.
That's a symbol from
Africa for Chángo.
Chángo is the god of thunder.
Ah. And what about the
one he's shaking there?
That is another
African instrument, too.
They use it in
their religion to...
[imitates drums]
All right! That's it.
I know what this is.
This is the cowbell.
You're wrong. Huh?
That's the god of
iron, and god of truth.
God of iron. Yes.
God of truth.
That's it.
Well, all I know is that I'd
like to have five of these,
and put them around
my children's neck.
You're joking!
Sit down. Well, listen...
Well, you know, Mr. Bau...
Sit down and rest.
You done yours, let me do mine.
You're going to play?
Yes, I gotta conduct
my orchestra.
Thank you. Bring my vocals.
Vocals? Yes, all my vocalists.
♪♪ [singing in Spanish]
[phone rings]
Huxtable residence.
Pediatric Security
Officer Kenny speaking.
Oh, hi, Stanley.
Did you call for Rudy?
Rudy's not available.
Why?
Rudy and I are spending
a quiet evening at home.
Alone.
Rudy, put another
log on the fire!
Listen Stanley, call as
many times as you want,
I'll be answering the phone.
Right, Rudy?
Good night, Stan.
Have a safe evening.
7:36, incoming call
for Rudy, no message.
Well know, wasn't that
a scrumptious dinner?
You bet.
Uh, uh, uh, young lady.
You didn't finish your carrots.
You want to be a member of
the clean plate club, don't you?
Okay, I'll clean my plate.
Uh, uh, uh, young lady.
Now finish your carrots.
They have lots of vitamins.
I'll take a chewable,
then everyone's happy.
We'll stay here all
night if we have to.
But I'm full.
The old "I'm full" trick, huh?
Yeah, I pulled
that one in my day.
Maybe you've been tricking
people, but I'm really full.
I have food up to here.
I'm surprised I can talk.
Sorry, sister, but that
bird won't fly in this house.
Now eat!
[phone rings]
Stan, Stan, Stan.
Give it up, man.
I put another log
in the fire, dear!
Oh, Dr. Huxtable!
Oh, no, no. There's
no fire here, sir.
Everything's just
copacetic, sir.
Yeah.
We're just having a
little dinner theater.
And how are things
at the radio station?
What time do we go on?
Good, we'll tune in.
Over and out, sir.
Oh, no!
Olivia, what's wrong?
All my carrots
fell on the floor.
Now I can't eat them.
Oh, dear.
You're a real cutup,
aren't you, young lady?
[Man] Clear the studio,
please. Five seconds to air.
[Clair] Cliff? Cliff!
4... 3... [Clair] Get
out of there! 2...
[Announcer] Buenas
noches, good evening,
and welcome to the Pan
American Music Festival.
Let's stop the words
and start the music:
merengue, salsa,
bolero, cha-cha-cha!
[singing in Spanish]
♪♪ [singing in Spanish on radio]
[singing in Spanish]
I want to teach you
mambo, cha-cha-cha.
[singing in Spanish]
♪♪ [salsa]
Who's there?
Hey, Kenny, chill,
man, it's just me.
Oh.I was just meditating.
Gotta stay centered.
Oh, sure, I can see that.
By the way, you
got a little carrot
on the center of your forehead.
Thanks, Theo.
No problem.
By the way, what
are you doing here?
Well, I had a date
in the neighborhood,
and I figured I'd stop by.
Your dad called you, didn't he?
Well, Kenny, I understand
that Olivia can be a handful.
But I was even worse.
First, I blew my whistle at her.
Then I started yelling at her.
I was drunk with power.
Well, it seems to me
that you were in charge,
and it looks like Olivia
was calling the shots.
You're telling me?
I mean, she had me
doing the cha-cha.
I just don't get it.
I mean, you work with kids.
How do you keep them in line?
I certainly don't blow
my whistle at them or yell.
Although I will admit,
my first day, I tried that.
Kenny, there I was
in front of the class,
and I was yelling,
"Hey, hey, sit down!
Chill out! Knock it off!"
By the end of the day,
they had me saying
"I'm going to tell!"
See, since then I've realized
that the only way you can
lead people, young and old,
is by earning their respect.
Yeah, that's fine, but how do
you get them to eat their carrots?
Kenny, you totally
missed my point.
Now, if Dad were
in this position,
he would, uh, tell the
story of the Fugrupa family.
Is this a long story?
Well, of course, if my
dad was telling it, yes,
but you're going to get the
condensed Theo version.
You see, Kenny, the
Fugrupa family was very large.
They lived in all
parts of the country.
There was cousin
Meatloaf Fugrupa,
there was Potato Fugrupa...
Uncle Spud, that is.
There was the big
cheese of the family,
Cheddar Fugrupa.
And the little cousins were
red-headed carrot top kids.
Stay with me, boy,
'cause the plot thickens.
The Fugrupas, right?
Yes, yes.
Now...
the Fugrupas got together
for a big reunion
on a big plateau.
That's French for plate.
The carnival was there,
and they all took
turns riding the forklift
into the Tunnel of Yum.
Suddenly, all the
Fugrupas were gone
except for the carrot top kids.
The operator of
the forklift, see,
he didn't want to let them
into the Tunnel of Yum.
Pretty soon the little carrot
topped kids started to cry.
They said, "Oh dear, we're
going to be little orphans.
"I miss my mommy and my daddy.
And Uncle Spud, too."
"Is there anyone out
there that can help us?
"Is there any little
boy or little girl
"that can lift us on a forklift
"and put us into
the Tunnel of Yum
so we can be with
the rest of our family?"
Hey, don't worry,
little carrot-top kids.
I'll save you. I'll help you.
The Fugrupa family
will never separate.
[singing salsa]
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ Where's my husband? ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Havalina ♪
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ I am here with
you, Carmelina ♪
♪ Where is my husband? ♪
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ There's our son on the sofa ♪
♪ With his feet on the sofa ♪
Chill, chill.
Chill, chill, chill!
Oh, cool hats.
No, your mother and I
are a pair of underwear.
What's happening, my son?
How did everything go? Good.
Where's Kenny?
I sent him home.
He had a little battle fatigue.
[Cliff chuckles]
He had trouble getting
Olivia to eat her carrots,
so I told him the
Fugrupa story, Dad.
Good one, good one.
And I also paid
him for you, too.
Yeah, well, I'm proud of you.
I was assuming you
were going to pay me back.
♪ Carmelina ♪
5.
Dad, I said I paid
him, not stiffed him.
♪ Carmelina ♪
And 5.
All right.
And you know, I was
here for the last hour.
And a dollar.
Thank you, Dad.
One second, please.
The carrot.
Thank you.
♪ Carmelina ♪
Are we happy?
I guess that's my
cue to go home.
Yes, yes.
See ya later, Mom.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
Good-bye, son, take
care. See you later.
Be good in school. You got it.
Well, thank goodness
it's over and went well.
And I'm happy
for you. You did...
You did well.
I even handled my little
moment of embarrassment well.
What was that?
When you decided
to sit in with the band.
Now why did you do that?
Why couldn't you
come into the booth
when I was signaling you?
Oh, was that the signal
for me to come in?
I thought you were
waving me to go ahead
and just start swinging
and get started.
No, that's what you
wanted me to do.
Well, listen, you know,
Mario Bauza and I,
we had a special thing going.
And you know, the
man actually said
he might want me to go
on the road with him, so...
♪ Carmelina ♪
The man asked
you go on the road.
Well, listen, you
have to understand.
I mean, it wasn't direct,
but, see, Mario and I
have a certain repartee.
And when you think about
it, my father's a musician,
so some of it had
to be in here, dear.
Yes, but, see, honey, your
father is a real musician,
he practiced his trombone
eight hours a day for 25 years.
You, on the other hand,
will grab anything
in front of your face
and start banging on it.
Well, that's true, but see,
that's because you don't
understand percussion.
It's getting late.
[making percussion noises]
And that's what Mario wants.
I gave him my phone number.
Well then you sit here
by the phone, dear.
Uh-huh. I'm going upstairs.
Well, we have a phone upstairs.
Yeah, but you sit here.
No.
I don't want to
be her by myself.
[percussion noises]
[scatting]
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
Yes, Mr. Parsons, that's right.
This broadcast has a potential
audience of 100 million people.
It is historic.
It's the first Cuban-American
cultural exchange in 30 years.
[scatting]
Yes, I'll see you in an hour.
Thank you. Good-bye.
[scatting]
Come on, let's go!
Let's go, I'm ready!
Calm down. Oh, you calm down.
I am going to be in the
same place with Mario,
and my best friend
in the world, Willie.
Come on, honey,
calm down. Calm down.
I don't want you
to be disappointed,
but you might not get to meet
Willie Colón or Mario Bauza.
I don't care. I don't
care about the meeting.
Just to be in the studio, the
same place with these men...
[scatting]
Did you do your job?
[continues scatting]
Did you do what you
were supposed to?
Listen, I'm telling
you, my mind is...
Did you do what you
were supposed to do?
Yes, I did.
My mind is calm but
my body can't stop.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Whoo! I can't help it.
Now, what were you saying?
I asked you, "Did
you do your job?"
Of course I did my job.
Who is the babysitter?
I found somebody who is
as comfortable in our home
as they would be
in their own house.
Okay?
Okay. Yeah.
[doorbell rings and clunks]
I'm going to fix it.
I'm going to fix the
doorbell. You know why?
Because I'm a man who's
dedicated to completion.
[scatting]
Good afternoon,
Dr. Huxtable. [scats]
Mrs. Huxtable.
Hi Kenny. Rudy's spending
the night with Danielle,
and we're on our way out.
Yes, I heard.
Have a good time.
Kenny's the babysitter?
Yes. Correction. I'm your PSO.
PSO?
Pediatric Security Officer. Oh!
Uh, Kenny, are your parents going
to be home in case of emergency?
[Kenny] Yes, sir.
Here is a list of all
the important numbers.
And this is the number where you
can reach Mrs. Huxtable or myself
at the radio station.
Okey dokey?
Olivia! We're leaving.
Olivia, Kenny is going
to be your babysitter.
Dr. Huxtable... PSO.
I'm sorry.
Olivia, this is Kenny.
He is going to PSO
you while you are here.
We've got to GGG.
GGG? Get out of here?
Go, go, go.
Go go go. GGG.
[both] Good night.
[scatting]
♪♪ [salsa]
We're late.
We're not late,
they're just rehearsing.
We are late. The band's playing.
They've already started.
What did you want to do?
Get here this afternoon
with the trucks?
Trucks came?
♪♪ [salsa]
♪♪ [singing in Spanish]
Okay, take 15, but...
[men] Don't leave the building!
Very good.
Willie Colón!
[laughter]
Who is this making
my wife laugh?
This is Mitch Lawson, General
Manager of Continental American Radio.
How are you,
making my wife laugh?
Oh, thank you.
Excuse me, I have
to return a phone call.
Dr. Huxtable? Yes sir?
You looking like you're
itching to get out there.
Oh, man... yeah.
You play an instrument yourself?
Oh, well, not well enough
to play with the big fellas, no.
What do you play?
Little of this, little of that.
What kind of this?
Well, uh, this, uh,
mostly, you know,
I'm into the percussion field.
[scatting]
How'd you like to meet
the legendary Mario Bauza?
You're kidding?
It can be done. Really.
Okay, but I don't
want to get in the way.
I hope he's not too busy.
I've only known this
guy a couple of days,
but we already got this
repartee thing going.
Mario, I've got somebody
here I'd like you to meet.
This is Dr. Cliff Huxtable,
Mrs. Huxtable's husband.
Doctor, it's a
pleasure to meet you.
Well, sir, I love your work.
You know why?
Why? Because I love to work.
Oh, okay.
This is quite
some day, isn't it?
I'm trying to make
history here today.
Yes, and you probably will.
I hope so.
Well, if you'll excuse me.
Why? Where you going?
You ain't done
nothing wrong yet.
Repartee!
Well... What is that?
That's some drum.
That's a bata drum.
That's a symbol from
Africa for Chángo.
Chángo is the god of thunder.
Ah. And what about the
one he's shaking there?
That is another
African instrument, too.
They use it in
their religion to...
[imitates drums]
All right! That's it.
I know what this is.
This is the cowbell.
You're wrong. Huh?
That's the god of
iron, and god of truth.
God of iron. Yes.
God of truth.
That's it.
Well, all I know is that I'd
like to have five of these,
and put them around
my children's neck.
You're joking!
Sit down. Well, listen...
Well, you know, Mr. Bau...
Sit down and rest.
You done yours, let me do mine.
You're going to play?
Yes, I gotta conduct
my orchestra.
Thank you. Bring my vocals.
Vocals? Yes, all my vocalists.
♪♪ [singing in Spanish]
[phone rings]
Huxtable residence.
Pediatric Security
Officer Kenny speaking.
Oh, hi, Stanley.
Did you call for Rudy?
Rudy's not available.
Why?
Rudy and I are spending
a quiet evening at home.
Alone.
Rudy, put another
log on the fire!
Listen Stanley, call as
many times as you want,
I'll be answering the phone.
Right, Rudy?
Good night, Stan.
Have a safe evening.
7:36, incoming call
for Rudy, no message.
Well know, wasn't that
a scrumptious dinner?
You bet.
Uh, uh, uh, young lady.
You didn't finish your carrots.
You want to be a member of
the clean plate club, don't you?
Okay, I'll clean my plate.
Uh, uh, uh, young lady.
Now finish your carrots.
They have lots of vitamins.
I'll take a chewable,
then everyone's happy.
We'll stay here all
night if we have to.
But I'm full.
The old "I'm full" trick, huh?
Yeah, I pulled
that one in my day.
Maybe you've been tricking
people, but I'm really full.
I have food up to here.
I'm surprised I can talk.
Sorry, sister, but that
bird won't fly in this house.
Now eat!
[phone rings]
Stan, Stan, Stan.
Give it up, man.
I put another log
in the fire, dear!
Oh, Dr. Huxtable!
Oh, no, no. There's
no fire here, sir.
Everything's just
copacetic, sir.
Yeah.
We're just having a
little dinner theater.
And how are things
at the radio station?
What time do we go on?
Good, we'll tune in.
Over and out, sir.
Oh, no!
Olivia, what's wrong?
All my carrots
fell on the floor.
Now I can't eat them.
Oh, dear.
You're a real cutup,
aren't you, young lady?
[Man] Clear the studio,
please. Five seconds to air.
[Clair] Cliff? Cliff!
4... 3... [Clair] Get
out of there! 2...
[Announcer] Buenas
noches, good evening,
and welcome to the Pan
American Music Festival.
Let's stop the words
and start the music:
merengue, salsa,
bolero, cha-cha-cha!
[singing in Spanish]
♪♪ [singing in Spanish on radio]
[singing in Spanish]
I want to teach you
mambo, cha-cha-cha.
[singing in Spanish]
♪♪ [salsa]
Who's there?
Hey, Kenny, chill,
man, it's just me.
Oh.I was just meditating.
Gotta stay centered.
Oh, sure, I can see that.
By the way, you
got a little carrot
on the center of your forehead.
Thanks, Theo.
No problem.
By the way, what
are you doing here?
Well, I had a date
in the neighborhood,
and I figured I'd stop by.
Your dad called you, didn't he?
Well, Kenny, I understand
that Olivia can be a handful.
But I was even worse.
First, I blew my whistle at her.
Then I started yelling at her.
I was drunk with power.
Well, it seems to me
that you were in charge,
and it looks like Olivia
was calling the shots.
You're telling me?
I mean, she had me
doing the cha-cha.
I just don't get it.
I mean, you work with kids.
How do you keep them in line?
I certainly don't blow
my whistle at them or yell.
Although I will admit,
my first day, I tried that.
Kenny, there I was
in front of the class,
and I was yelling,
"Hey, hey, sit down!
Chill out! Knock it off!"
By the end of the day,
they had me saying
"I'm going to tell!"
See, since then I've realized
that the only way you can
lead people, young and old,
is by earning their respect.
Yeah, that's fine, but how do
you get them to eat their carrots?
Kenny, you totally
missed my point.
Now, if Dad were
in this position,
he would, uh, tell the
story of the Fugrupa family.
Is this a long story?
Well, of course, if my
dad was telling it, yes,
but you're going to get the
condensed Theo version.
You see, Kenny, the
Fugrupa family was very large.
They lived in all
parts of the country.
There was cousin
Meatloaf Fugrupa,
there was Potato Fugrupa...
Uncle Spud, that is.
There was the big
cheese of the family,
Cheddar Fugrupa.
And the little cousins were
red-headed carrot top kids.
Stay with me, boy,
'cause the plot thickens.
The Fugrupas, right?
Yes, yes.
Now...
the Fugrupas got together
for a big reunion
on a big plateau.
That's French for plate.
The carnival was there,
and they all took
turns riding the forklift
into the Tunnel of Yum.
Suddenly, all the
Fugrupas were gone
except for the carrot top kids.
The operator of
the forklift, see,
he didn't want to let them
into the Tunnel of Yum.
Pretty soon the little carrot
topped kids started to cry.
They said, "Oh dear, we're
going to be little orphans.
"I miss my mommy and my daddy.
And Uncle Spud, too."
"Is there anyone out
there that can help us?
"Is there any little
boy or little girl
"that can lift us on a forklift
"and put us into
the Tunnel of Yum
so we can be with
the rest of our family?"
Hey, don't worry,
little carrot-top kids.
I'll save you. I'll help you.
The Fugrupa family
will never separate.
[singing salsa]
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ Where's my husband? ♪
♪ Da da da ♪
♪ Havalina ♪
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ I am here with
you, Carmelina ♪
♪ Where is my husband? ♪
♪ Carmelina ♪
♪ There's our son on the sofa ♪
♪ With his feet on the sofa ♪
Chill, chill.
Chill, chill, chill!
Oh, cool hats.
No, your mother and I
are a pair of underwear.
What's happening, my son?
How did everything go? Good.
Where's Kenny?
I sent him home.
He had a little battle fatigue.
[Cliff chuckles]
He had trouble getting
Olivia to eat her carrots,
so I told him the
Fugrupa story, Dad.
Good one, good one.
And I also paid
him for you, too.
Yeah, well, I'm proud of you.
I was assuming you
were going to pay me back.
♪ Carmelina ♪
5.
Dad, I said I paid
him, not stiffed him.
♪ Carmelina ♪
And 5.
All right.
And you know, I was
here for the last hour.
And a dollar.
Thank you, Dad.
One second, please.
The carrot.
Thank you.
♪ Carmelina ♪
Are we happy?
I guess that's my
cue to go home.
Yes, yes.
See ya later, Mom.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
Good-bye, son, take
care. See you later.
Be good in school. You got it.
Well, thank goodness
it's over and went well.
And I'm happy
for you. You did...
You did well.
I even handled my little
moment of embarrassment well.
What was that?
When you decided
to sit in with the band.
Now why did you do that?
Why couldn't you
come into the booth
when I was signaling you?
Oh, was that the signal
for me to come in?
I thought you were
waving me to go ahead
and just start swinging
and get started.
No, that's what you
wanted me to do.
Well, listen, you know,
Mario Bauza and I,
we had a special thing going.
And you know, the
man actually said
he might want me to go
on the road with him, so...
♪ Carmelina ♪
The man asked
you go on the road.
Well, listen, you
have to understand.
I mean, it wasn't direct,
but, see, Mario and I
have a certain repartee.
And when you think about
it, my father's a musician,
so some of it had
to be in here, dear.
Yes, but, see, honey, your
father is a real musician,
he practiced his trombone
eight hours a day for 25 years.
You, on the other hand,
will grab anything
in front of your face
and start banging on it.
Well, that's true, but see,
that's because you don't
understand percussion.
It's getting late.
[making percussion noises]
And that's what Mario wants.
I gave him my phone number.
Well then you sit here
by the phone, dear.
Uh-huh. I'm going upstairs.
Well, we have a phone upstairs.
Yeah, but you sit here.
No.
I don't want to
be her by myself.
[percussion noises]
[scatting]
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA