The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 14 - The Price Is Wrong - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

Dad, you were... you were
mean on that sit-up board!

Well, son, it's just a matter

of getting to the gym
every once in a while.

Yes, yes. I understand that.

But, you see, you're retired.

I don't have that leisure time

so I can do body-sculpting.

Oh, well, son.

Well, maybe when you retire,

you'll be able to do
as many sit-ups as me.



I don't know about that.

I... I could have done more.

Oh, I know. You just didn't.

You smell banana muffins?

Yeah. Never touch 'em.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

[Russell] Good afternoon!

Charmaine, did...
Did you move in here?

Yes! Didn't they tell you?

What? No. Psych.

Oh. [laughs]

Oh. All right. All right.

I'm just helping Pam
bake for her guests.

Ah... Oh, Mrs. Whitaker. Yes.



Yeah. Mrs. Whitaker
used to babysit for Pam.

And now Pam drives her to
the supermarket every Saturday.

Oh, that's very charitable.

And manageable.
Well, at least it was

until last week
when Mrs. Whitaker

invited her good
friend Mrs. Grenz along,

and the snowball
effect kicked in. Hmm.

Now, this week...

Really? Mm-hmm.

Hello.

Hi! That's my good,
friend, Dr. Huxtable.

Hello. Hello.

Nice to see all of you.

Yeah. Mrs. Whitaker and some.

Pam used to be
able to handle these

shopping excursions by herself.

Now there's such a
volume of participants,

she's had to call
in the reserves:

my Lance and myself.

Okay, Charmaine. Station
wagon's all cleaned out.

Let's go. Oh, how you doing,
Dr. Huxtable? Mr. Huxtable?

Fine! How are you this fine day?

Better than you are, Lance.

Well, sir, I just don't
know how we gonna fit

all those women and
their groceries into your car.

Have you ever thought
about gettin' a mini-van?

No, I haven't. And I apologize

for putting you
in a mid-size car.

That's all right, Dr. Huxtable.

We'll make do. Mm-hm.

Oh. Hi, everybody. Hey.

Charmaine, when are those muffins
comin'? The ladies are getting testy.

Okay! Okay! But I'm not gonna be
responsible if they burn their tongues.

Lance, get the butter.

I set aside a couple of muffins

for you two
gentlemen, just in case

you don't wanna socialize
in your perspiration gear.

Oh, isn't this a sight.

Mm-mm! Smells
like banana muffins.

My husband, Richard,
may he rest in peace,

made banana muffins.

He put in just a little nutmeg.

You didn't happen to put
in a little nutmeg, did you?

Uh, no, Mrs. Grenz.

Well, that's all right.

I spent my whole life adjusting.

I suppose I can
adjust to a little muffin.

I'll tell you what.

I'll make you some
with nutmeg next time.

Oh, that's so nice.

So when are we gonna
see the rest of this house?

Roseanna, I'll show you around

as soon as we go
over our coupons.

Now come on. Let's
get down to business.

What supermarket
are we going to?

Yes. The Advantage
Market, four blocks from here.

The Advantage Market? Why?

Yes. It's the same
old lousy chain

as in our neighborhood.

With the wilted
produce, dented cans,

and over-inflated prices.

It may be the same chain,

but this is a better
supermarket.

They have fresh produce.

They have no dented cans.

And a lots of variety.

Yeah, but are they gonna
overcharge us for everything,

like they already do
in our neighborhood?

No. In fact, you
pay less over here.

I'll testify to that.

Last week, at the
Advantage Market here,

I bought a bag of
sugar, and paid $2.39.

In our neighborhood,
for the same package,

we pay $2.75!

And that's just for one item.

They do that to
all our necessities.

Yeah, and I'm
sick and tired of it.

You're not alone.

Is that whole milk?

Uh, no, ma'am.
I think it's skim.

Oh. Would you like whole milk?

I surely would.

But it doesn't agree with me.

Oh. I'm very sorry.

Listen. I've got an
extra coupon here

for Columbian
coffee. Any takers?

Ah, that's the good stuff.

But Advantage
Market don't cut it up.

This one does!
Well, I'll take it.

No, I'll take it...

Go ahead, Pauline.

Thank you, Gloria.

I'll remember you next time.

You say that all the
time, but it's okay.

[Pam] Ladies! Ladies!

I don't mean to rush you,

but if we're gonna get to the
market and back before dark,

I think we ought to leave soon.

Does that mean we
don't get the house tour?

I'll show you the
house next week.

Oh, I'll bring Mrs.
Laurie. She'd love it.

Oh, no. We don't have
any room for Mrs. Laurie.

Indeed, we don't.

I promised Miss
Webster and Mrs. Jimenez

that I would bring
them next week.

And I have market lists for...

Mr. Scott and Mr. Carter

and old Mrs. Minugio.

Mrs. Whitaker.

May I speak to you for a moment?

Good ahead,
sugar. I'm right here.

Okay.

Well, you've seen the size

of Dr. and Mrs.
Huxtable's station wagon.

Now, as it is, we don't
have enough room

for all of you, your groceries,

and Lance and Charmaine.

Yes, I know the station wagon.

Does it still have
the luggage rack?

Yes.

So that takes care
of our groceries.

And Lance and Charmaine,
well, it's such a nice day.

Leslie, I think I can
solve this problem.

Why? Do you know
somebody with a mini-van?

No, I don't.

But I say we'll go in shifts.

And those of us
who were promised

a tour of the house

will look now and shop later.

That's a good idea.

Pam, you and Lance
take Pauline and me

to the supermarket first.

Yes, ma'am.

And Charmaine?

You will stay here

and give the tour
to these three ladies.

Yes, ma'am.

Now, see? [chuckling]

That wasn't so hard.

And everybody is happy.

Yes, ma'am.

I'll see you in a week.

I love you, too, man.

All right. Bye-bye.

In a week? Yep.

Oh, his interviews with the
Tartan Company are finished.

But he wants to
stay in San Francisco

for the rest of
his winter break.

Well, tell me something.

Uh, what happened to
Theo's plans about grad school

and working at the
community center?

Oh, they're still there.

He's just exploring.

In San Francisco.

Are you two prepared

for him to live
3,000 miles away?

I am prepared for
him to get a job.

And I am prepared for
whatever makes him happy.

Okay. But when that
first teardrop falls,

I'll be here for you
and Mrs. Stoneface.

[sighing] [Clair] Hello!

Hello.

Well, if it isn't the
grocery carters.

We put dinner
aside for you three.

[All] Thanks.

Oh. Here's your
keys, Cousin Cliff.

Thank you.

So how was it at
the supermarket?

They gave free samples

at the bakery and
deli departments?

All these women
scooting back and forth,

makin' teeny-tiny sandwiches.

And while they
were trading recipes

with their fellow shoppers,

I had to chase down
the meat manager

to bring out more stewing parts.

And at least you weren't in
charge of sorting out the bulk items.

Mrs. Granz accused me of
short-changing her on paper napkins.

But I made up for
it in white potatoes.

Well, at least you
had the satisfaction

of knowing that you helped
some good people out.

Yeah, we understand
that. Yeah, I'm for that.

Me, too. But, you know,
this good Samaritan thing

is definitely doggi"
my weekends.

Well, it's not done
being dogged yet.

We still have to take
the subway home.

Unless, speaking of good deeds,

Dr. Huxtable would lend
his mode of transportation

to those deserving
youths without wheels.

I'd be happy to.

Oh-ho! Mm-hm.

Two of my favorite
subway tokens.

Dr. Huxtable,
these are from 1970.

Nobody uses these anymore.

I'll give the deserving
youths a ride home

after they eat.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Huxtable.

Yeah, yeah. Uh, ba-ba-ba-ba...

Lance, give the man his tokens.

May I have my lucky
tokens? Thank you very much.

Charmaine, Lance, you can't eat

until we deal with
this shopping crisis.

Crisis? Yeah.

And when we took the ladies
back into the neighborhood,

there were at least
40 or 50 people

all asked if they
could go the market,

of all different ages.

Look at these
phone numbers I got.

You got phone numbers? I
thought I was the only one!

Me, too!

And all this wagon-training,
back and forth.

I mean, it makes no sense.

Why does the Advantage Market

charge more in a neighborhood

where the people
can afford it the least?

Because they can.

Now, they'll tell you

it's because of the
rents, insurance,

and security costs are higher,

but they're not.

Truth is they don't
have any competition,

so they can charge
whatever they want.

Isn't it illegal?

No. 'Cause in theory,

you could take your
business elsewhere.

Mm-hmm. Yeah,
but the reality of it

is that the people who
live in those neighborhoods

really cannot afford

to get any sort
of transportation

to go over to these
other markets,

so they're stuck.

Well, this is wrong. A tragedy.

A travesty!

That's it? I think so.

That's the new generation.

Full of truth.

Quick to sight a
wrongful situation.

Shouldn't we be doing
something about all this?

Well, yes.

Okay.

We're gonna take action!

That's right. Those
people need us.

Wait. Wait a minute.

We are those people!

We need us!

Oh, Lance. You such
a take-charge man.

Save the passion
for the protest, baby.

Oh, my first protest.
This is so exciting.

Yes. Pam Tucker, civic reformer!

First, our neighborhood.
Then our city. Our country.

Hey! Let's change the world!

Yeah!

How?

Well, I say we
talk to the manager

of the Advantage Market
in our neighborhood.

Uh-uh. Mrs. Whitaker's
been doing that

for as long as I've known her.

Okay. We'll go higher.

We'll write letters
to the head office

and demand a meeting. No good.

These women have been
writing letters for years.

In fact, Mrs. Ortiz

was a runner-up on that
consumer watchdog show,

Have You No Shame?

What? You know!

"Have you no shame?"

You mean she was
almost a watchdog? Get out!

Oh, well, what did they tell
her on Have You No Shame?

That she had no air time.

All right. If talking sense
and writing letters is out,

what else is there?

Action.

I say we plan a protest march.

Yeah, a protest march.
But where we gonna march?

To the corporate headquarters
of Advantage Market

in Stamford, Connecticut.

Yeah, boy! Look out, Advantage!

Whoa, reformers!

We can't get these five
shoppers across town.

How we gonna get these
babes go Connecticut?

If distance is a problem,

I say we picket the
Advantage Market

right here in our neighborhood.

Yeah! Effective political change

starts right here at home!

Charmaine, if we picket

the only supermarket
in our neighborhood,

we will starve our own people.

Come on! Think,
Charmaine! Think!

Well, I don't hear you
thinking over there.

Why don't you tell us
some of your brilliant ideas?

All right. I have a solution.

Prices are too high, right?

So we go into the supermarkets

dressed as stock
boys with price guns,

and mark everything 2 for 99.

Steak. 2 for 99.

Ice cream? 2 for 99!

That's a very
creative idea, Lance.

Thank you very
much, Mrs. Huxtable.

And she's a lawyer.

Of course, it constitutes fraud,

and it'll get you
three to five years.

[choking] [cackling]

Okay. That was
just a trial balloon.

Try this one here out.

We patch into the P.A. system.

Then, during peak
shopping hours,

I come on the mike and go,

"Attention, Advantage shoppers.

"In the next two minutes,

"everything in Aisle 5

will be absolutely free."

"And remember: we at Advantage

invite you to take
advantage of us."

And you will be taking
advantage of the big house,

for inciting to riot.

[Both] Ooo!

Well, what is up with
our justice system,

I ask you?

The system is there, Lance.

You have to work within it.

Oh, wait, wait, wait! I got it!

What? I got it!

Okay.

Okay.

Our problem?

High prices. Poor quality.

Our goal? To have poor people
treated like everybody else.

Our solution.

We get all the people in
the neighborhood together.

Hundreds of people.

We buy up all the dented cans

from the Advantage Market,

and bring them over to
this Advantage Market,

and demand a refund.

That's perfect.
We'll all line up

at the manager's office,
in the front of the store!

Creating a giant bottleneck,

right around the
checkout counters.

Ooo! Shopper-lock! I like that!

Yes!

And then everybody
will see how crowded it is,

and they won't come in.

And Advantage Market
will lose business.

And we'll hand out flyers!

And the whole of New
York will be outraged!

And we won't go to jail!

Will we, Mrs. Huxtable?

[laughing]

No. Not as long
as you don't create

physical or verbal disturbance.

Not us civic reformers.

Mm-mm! Trouble-shooters!

World-changers.

Dish-washers.

Look at the dents
in these things.

Advantage Market.

They ought to be
ashamed of themselves.

Ladies?

What do you think of our sign?

"If I wanted my can kicked,

"I would have said so."

Pauline, if we
want to win today,

we'll have to keep
our anger in check.

Now, we only have an hour

before we have to meet
the people at the market.

Now let's get down
to business. All right.

[clearing throat] Let's go.

Now, our flyer said

that we would meet
everyone in front of the market

with their dented cans.

Now, who's gonna pass out

the price comparison sheets

to the pedestrians?

Oh, I can do that. I wouldn't
want you ladies to catch a cold.

You think I can't take the cold?

I got frostbite standing
in the frozen food section,

looking for a deal on peas.

[doorbell rings, creaks]

Somebody oughtta fix that thing.

[panting]

Lance, you're out of breath!

And we're out of luck, ladies.

I just ran from
Advantage Market.

Operation Dented Can
is in serious trouble.

Oh, no! What happened?

Well, somehow, they
knew we were coming,

and they were ready for us.

See, there was a truck,
parked down the way.

And it had a big
sign on it that said,

"Advantage Cares About Quality.

"Redeem Your Dented Cans Here."

Oh, no! They're cutting
our march off at the pass!

Well, how could
that have happened?

Somebody in this room
leaked the information.

I didn't say anything.

I just told them
that this Saturday

was their day of reckoning.

And all I said was

"I wonder where all those
dented cans are going."

I just said I was
taking my business

to Brooklyn Heights.

But I didn't say when.

And what did you just
say, Mrs. Whitaker?

Lance, stop accusing
these women.

Look. He's your leak.

500 flyers, copyright Lance.

Oh.

I got a plan.

Thank God.

Who's got pennies?

Everybody, right?

Of course! We saved them

in jars in our home!

And why do we save them?

Because the stores
don't want them.

That's right. But they're
going to take ours.

One at a time.

[laughing]

Well, let's get our pennies.

Cousin Cliff! We need your car!

Well, Dad, I wanna thank you

for giving me a lift
from the hospital.

The baby boom is
back, and I'm exhausted.

Well, son, you
might have more pep

if you got enough
sleep and exercise.

Uh... I am going to go to sleep

right now, thank you.

I don't know. There's a shindig

going on in the living room.

♪♪ [soul]

Oh, Lord. I'm
not goin' in there.

I'm going around the back.
Don't tell 'em you saw me.

♪ You are the winner ♪

♪ You're number 1 ♪

Hello, ladies! [whooping]

[music stops]

Grandpa Huxtable,
have a victory carrot!

Well, thank you.

Looks like quite a celebration.

Yes! Oh, yes, it is.

You shoulda seen us down
at that supermarket today.

Tons of people came!

All shapes, all colors,

all ages, all sizes!

People I hadn't seen in years!

Yes, each with a dented
can. It was inspiring.

Oh, you should have
seen 'em, Russell.

One by one. All
paying with pennies.

And the manager
called the police on us!

Yeah, but we were
breaking no laws.

So the police just left! Ha ha!

And so did their
regular customers.

Left them full carts right
in the middle of the aisle!

[all laughing]

Now was it me, or was
the manager crying?

[all laughing]

Oh, it definitely was
the manager, that wimp.

He started welling up
when his regular customers

pulled out their pennies.

Sounds like a victory to me!

It certainly was.

And you should come and
help me prepare the victory tea,

for the Brooklyn reform.

[cheering]

One thing's for sure.

Advantage Market
will never forget

this day, or us.

I bet they won't,
since we'll be back

with the press, next Saturday!

[cheering]

[Pam, Lance, Charmaine]
Next Saturday?

Oh, sure, honey.

This is just the start of it.

Where you all been?

Like the history books,
there's never been a change

that wasn't hard-fought!

That's right!

If I was in Costa
Rica right now,

and I was protesting, honey,

I will be say,
"Vaya! Vaya! Vaya!"

We'll all say it.

[all] Vaya! Vaya! Vaya!

What does that mean?

It means we'll be
doing our penny run

at the markets from now

until they make a change.

[All three] Oh.

Well, to be honest, I mean,

we were just in this

to see that justice was served.

Yes, we didn't know it
would take all our weekends.

Yeah, I mean, after all,
we're just high school seniors.

Yeah, we have to
study. We have to...

Do chores. Yeah. Yeah!

And don't forget
about our social scene.

Listen.

You all started us out on this.

Now you can walk away
with your heads held high.

Yeah! We're proud of you.

But we're here
for the long haul.

We're not going anywhere.

I know I'm not.

I'll be in charge of flyers.

And I'll get a phone tree going.

I held onto my driver's license.

And I know the
church still has a van.

[chattering] Hey, hey, hey.

I mean, you're acting
like we're nobodies now.

Well, puff up, dear.

And stop acting
like you're nobody.

Well, that's easy.

Vaya! Vaya!

[All] Vaya! Vaya!

[chanting continues]

♪♪ [theme]

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