The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 8, Episode 13 - Theo's Future - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[Woman on TV] I'm grant you
Samantha had the opportunity,

Lieutenant, but
she had no motive.

[Man] Hey, who's
the cop around here?

And besides, she had no
training in the crossbow.

[Announcer] For cleaner,
brighter laundry days, just...

Now what are you doing?

I was just changing the channel.

No, you're not. I am
watching this movie.

Yeah, well, there's
a commercial on.

I'm just going to scan.



No, see, that's what
you do all the time.

You come in here, take this
remote, and then start scanning.

Yeah, but there's a
commercial on, dear.

They're going to be there for
about a minute and 30 seconds.

And, look, you can count...

One alligator, two alligator...

I don't want to
count alligators, Cliff.

I would really rather
watch the commercial.

Well, fine. Okay. Go ahead.

You just watch the commercials.

If you want to live a
one-channel life, that's...

You've probably never
even been past channel 41.

Here.

Thank you very much.



And I'd better not miss a thing.

No, you're not going
to miss anything.

[tires screeching]

[police sirens blaring]

♪♪ [organ]

[audience laughing]

[Man]...in Whitney today
with gusts up to 40...

[monster growling, crunching]

[women chattering]

♪♪ [man singing
foreign language]

[bell dings]

Oh! All right, the fight!

The fight!

Heh-hey!

Cliff, that's Pay-Per-View.

The picture is scrambled.

I know what it is, dear,
but on the Pay-Per-View,

see, if you do
your head like this,

and do your eyes like this...

Wait! Is he... Down!

No, I'm going back to the
movie. He's down I think. Huh?

Back to the movie.

♪♪ [dramatic]

Now you see, it's finished.

Too many alligators.

You want to watch
something else?

No, thank you.

Well, don't get
an attitude, honey.

Oh, hey, Dad. Hey, Mom.

[Cliff] Hey! How are you doing?

Oh, Tim, Nicki, how are you?

Hi. Hi, Dr. Huxtable. Hi,
Dr. Huxtable, Mrs. Huxtable.

Hey, guys, you remember Eugene

from the Community
Center, right?

Yes. How are you, Eugene?

Hi, Dr. Huxtable
and Mrs. Huxtable.

Well, you guys, the rummage
sale was a huge success.

All right!

And, Dad, there's
all your stuff back.

What do you mean,
all my stuff back?

You... You couldn't
sell my stuff?

What... What about this...

Why couldn't you sell
the Snack Captain?

Dad, it was broken.

It is not broken.

All the person had
to do was buy it,

and then you take the
wires and tighten it up.

You don't have to worry
about that, Dr. Huxtable.

We made lots of money
with everyone else's stuff.

Yeah, we even made enough money

to get the computers
at the Center repaired.

And, uh, buy some new
computer software, right?

Come on, Mr. Megabyte,
let's take these collectibles

back down to the basement.

Yeah, yeah. I'll help.

Hey, thanks a lot, guys. Sure.

There's cake on
the counter in there.

Why don't you help
yourselves on the way back?

Oh, thanks. Be careful of
that stuff. Some of it's broken.

We're very glad that things
went so well for you today.

Yeah. Listen, thanks a lot,
Mom and Dad, for your help.

Well, obviously
we didn't do much.

Oh, no, no, I didn't
mean the rummage sale.

I meant this, uh,
piece of paper here.

Ahem.

My baby.

My baby! Oh!

What? What, what, what?

[laughing] This says... What?

"Dear Mr. Huxtable, I am
pleased to inform you that..."

My baby! What?

My baby! [laughing] What?

What? Somebody say what.

It says that my baby
has been admitted

as a Master of Arts candidate

in the Department of
Psychology at NYU.

My baby!

Thanks, Mom. Thank you.

My son.

My son. My son.

All right, my son! Thanks, Dad.

Thank you very much.

Hey, man, listen.
If you're so smart,

how come you couldn't
sell my Snack Captain?

Cliff, please.

We have to celebrate.

You know, you and Tim and Eugene
and Nicki should stay for dinner.

Mom, I'd love to, but I have
to get Eugene and the van

back to the Center,
Nicki has a paper due,

and Tim has another
recruiting reception tonight.

You know, he's
getting his degree,

and he still can't find a job?

It's rough out there.
Yeah, it's tough.

I got a lot of friends who are
still out of work. Absolutely.

But thanks to you guys

I don't have to worry
about that for a while.

You're still paying for
my grad school, right?

Graduate school?

Yeah... Remember me?

Your baby! Your baby!

No, no, that's what
your mother said.

Your mother said that.

Well, how about,
"My... My son! My son!"

You want to pick up
his tab for grad school?

I wouldn't have
it any other way.

Hah, thanks, Mom.

Mwah. And, Dad, thank you.

All right. And you know
that celebration dinner?

Let's do it next
week. All right?

Next week on me. All right.

Well, actually, it'll be on you

because in reality
it's your money,

but I'll make the reservations.

So, Theo, how do I look?

You look pretty good.

So would you hire me?

Sure would.

You look nothing like yourself.

Thanks.

That's what I was going for.

Oh, man. Oh, whatcha
got, the checkbook blues?

Yeah. I helped raise $1,800
for the Community Center,

but I can't find more than $4.50

in my own checkbook.

So why didn't you
ask your parents

for some money
while you were there?

I'm on a budget.

You're not the only
one on a budget.

I had to recycle our bottles

just to get bus fare to go
to this recruiting reception.

Well, hey, half of the
bottle money is mine.

I need it to buy
dinner, so give it up.

Why? There's leftovers
in a container in the fridge.

No, no, no, no. I'm
not eating that stuff.

It's got too much fuzz on it.

Only on one side.

Get out of my room, all right?

Hey, look, if you're hungry,
I got a solution for you.

Come with me to this
reception I'm going to.

Free food at the best
Thai restaurant in town.

No, no, no, no.

I am not going to just
crash a corporate mixer.

Why not? There'll
be plenty of people,

and no one will notice you.

Did you say free food?

I told you this was
a great restaurant.

Hey, well, if you need me,
I'll be over here by the food.

Hey, hey, you gotta
put a name tag on.

You gotta blend in.

Okay.

Not so sloppy, Theo.

Remember, your handwriting
says a lot about you.

Yes, and this says, "Which
way is the buffet table?"

Ah! Well, hello, Mr. Shrimp.

[glass tinging]

May I have your
attention, please?

I'm Gwen Graham and...
And I'm Andy Anderson.

And we'd like to welcome you

to the Tartan
Company's reception.

First, I'd like to thank you

for your interest
in our company.

[clanging] And before
we start eating, we...

[Gwen laughs]

We'd just like to say a
few words, hmm? Andy.

I'm sure that many of you
were raised on our soups,

but as our slogan says,
"We're not just soup anymore."

As you can see from your information
packet, we're into everything,

from broadcasting
to agribusiness

to major league baseball.

[clatter]

The Tartan Company believes
that young professionals like you

can help us invent the future.

[laughs] Thank you.

Um... now, if you'd like to,

stop by the buffet and help
yourself to whatever's left.

Mm, excuse me.

Excuse me.

Well, Mr., uh... Hurtable,

you certainly
are a self-starter.

Thank you.

So, Miss Graham, you
live in San Francisco. Yes.

The home office, right? Uh-huh.

Indeed, I love those cable cars.

And the Fisherman's Wharf.

Uh, and speaking of fisherman,

I understand you reeled in

an extremely high
earning last quarter.

Yes, we were very pleased
with our bottom line, Mr...

Coyle. Archie Coyle.

Mr. Hurtable, you're
awfully quiet over there.

Oh, you know me,
I'm just taking it all in.

What I think Hurtable
is trying to say

is that this is some restaurant.

It's not your typical
continental cuisine,

a little bit off
the beaten path.

And... And that shows
the willingness to take risks.

And that's what Archie
Coyle is all about.

Excuse me, guys.

Don't miss the noodles.

How about you, Ms. Ladley?

What are you about?

Money. I like it.

I'm not ashamed to like
it. It's necessary to survive.

And if I'm making money,
you're making money.

We'll, we have a reputation
for paying very fair salaries.

You seem to be
marketing-oriented.

What areas interest you?

Which areas have the
highest starting salary?

Uh, I think I can answer that.

I bet you can, Mr., uh...

Coyle. Archie Coyle. Yeah.

Pleased to meet you. Coyle.

Anyone else care to
share their interest?

Mr., uh... Huntable?

I like working with people

who are interested
in helping people.

Tartan has several foundations

that are dedicated
to charitable activities.

That's certainly commendable.

And I admire Tartan's
stand on the ecology.

We have a state-of-the-art
environmental program.

Everybody's for ecology,

but isn't the goal of
corporations to make money?

They can't exist unless they do.

[mouth full] Yeah, but you
see, it's a question of balance.

I mean, all a corporation
is is a group of citizens.

And the citizens
have to be responsible

inside the corporation and
outside in the real world.

Well, that's very true, Leo.

But you'd be surprised
at how difficult it is

to get people to
understand that concept.

Really?

But it's so clear.

As long as you respect
people as individuals,

what else is there?

I mean, for
example, it's obvious

that you do not
respect your customers

by that slogan
you have out there.

Uh... oh, Gwen?

[clears throat] Go on, Leo.

Actually, it's Theo.

Excuse me.

You say that Tartan
isn't just soup anymore.

But in these tough times,

soup is exactly
what people need.

See, it's highly economical,
it's highly nutritious,

and it's very filling.

Believe me, I know.

Yes, I can see that.

I would change the slogan from

"Tartan's not just soup anymore"

to... [snorts]...
"We're still soup."

Theo, hold that thought.

Wait here a minute.

Hey, you mind if I
have one of these

little chicken
things on a stick?

[chuckles] Knock yourself out.

Excuse me.

Gwen. What?

[whispering]

So, Mr. Hurtable, uh...

It's Huxtable, actually.
Theo. Oh, I'm sorry.

And I have to thank you
for a wonderful evening

because you have
quite a spread here.

Oh, well, you're welcome.

And, um, I think you
have a wonderful future...

at the Tartan Company.

Well, thank you.

♪♪ [orchestral on TV]

[sigh]

What?

Don't you want to
see what else is on?

I beg your pardon?

Would you like to
see what else is on?

This is the ballet,

and you just said to me
do I want to see what's on?

Well, you live here, too.

Here.

Are... Are you angry with me?

No.

I mean, did I do
something wrong?

No.

We're all right?

We're fine.

I'm going to change.

Go ahead, Cliff.
It's fine, really.

You got a stick or something?

I change this channel,
you're going to hit me, right?

No.

[no audible dialogue]

You really think you're cute.

You really do. You
think you're cute.

Okay, okay, so you got me good.

You got me good. Hee.

Okay, so we'll just sit up
here and watch the ballet.

[channels changing]

Cliff. Huh?

You bought another
remote, didn't you?

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.

No. No, no, no. No, no, no. Huh?

You bought a little
tiny remote, didn't you?

Where? In your pocket.

What's in your pocket?
There's nothing...

What's in my pocket? Go ahead.

Go ahead, search my pocket.

It's in your h... It's in...

Ah! There it is! What?

Come on! No, no, no!

[laughing] Cliff, don't! Stop!

I got a remote for you!

[Clair laughing] Cliff, no!

Stop it!

Time out. Time out.
Time out. Time out.

Uh, excuse me, guys.
Is this a bad time?

No. We do this all the time
when you're not here. Why?

We weren't expecting to
see you today. Obviously.

Well, can't a son
come visit his parents?

Can't a son see that
it's snowing outside

and know that his parents may
need help shoveling the sidewalk?

Uh, can't a parent
wonder why her son

would volunteer the trek
all the way to Brooklyn

to shovel his parents' snow?

Uh, well, can't a son
decide that it's time

to stop taking from his parents

and time to start giving back?

I'll take this one.

I-I believe you,

and the shovel is in the garage.

You know what?
I'll get right to it.

You... You're just
going to hang around

and wait for it to accumulate?

Well, the snow's
not going anywhere.

I figure I'd come and sit down

and talk to my parents.

All right. You know?

Okay, here's the thing.

I went to this recruiting
reception last night with Tim,

only because I was hungry.

The food was excellent.

But as I was eating,

I inadvertently said some things

that impressed these
executives at the Tartan Company.

Well, they want to fly
me to San Francisco

for a job interview.

Tartan... weren't they
the soup company?

Were, are, and will be.

See, and that's where I come in.

So, uh, where...
Where are you coming...

As what?

In industrial psychology.

See, Dad, they use
psych majors for everything

from marketing to advertising

to dealing with
executive stress.

But that's not what you'll
be studying in grad school.

Yeah, I know, but ask me
how much I'll be making.

How much... How much...

Starting salary, $30,000 a year.

You're kidding. No, not at all.

That's $576 a week for me.

That means I can stop
sponging off of you guys.

That means independence.

That means that I can
be the first Huxtable

to leave this house
and stay gone.

So you see, for your son,

San Francisco
means independence.

And that's why I'm on my way

to San Francisco business class.

[chuckles]

Um... the word
sponge, that's your word.

You've never heard
us say sponge.

Paying for your education,
well, that's our privilege.

And our investment.

And our decision.

Now, your future...
Your decision.

Hmm. Thanks, guys. [Cliff] Okay.

Yeah. I knew you
guys would say that.

[Cliff] Yeah.

And I know that I can always
depend on Mom and Dad.

See, but that's what
I've gotta stop doing.

If you don't mind, I am
going to go into the garage,

I'm going to find that shovel,

and I'm going to
shovel your sidewalk.

Take this and run that back.

Not the part where he says
he's going to shovel the sidewalk,

the part about $30,000 a year,

and $576 just for him,

because he is going
to hear a different song

when the tax man cometh.

♪♪ [piano concerto on TV]

May I have my remote, please?

Please, shh! We're at a concert.

Oh! Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, Theo,
Mr. Megabyte's here for you.

Oh, man.

I'm on time, Theo.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, man, we're just
going to buy software.

You don't have to pack a
whole suitcase. No, no, Eugene.

Listen, I'm sorry. I
forgot about the software.

Look, I promise you,
when I get back we'll go.

Where are you going? I
gotta go to San Francisco.

Wow!

So I guess we took in more
money at the rummage sale

than we thought, huh?

Yeah, funny, G.

No, I'm going for
a job interview.

A job interview?

Yeah. For when I graduate.

In June? Yeah.

Wait a minute, how are
you going to do that, man,

when you already
have a job at the Center?

Well, I want to be able
to explore my options

while I have the chance.

So what kind of job is it?

Well, it'll be with
the Tartan Company.

The soup guys? Yeah.

I'll be doing something called

industrial psychology.

What is that?

Well, it's helping people,

but helping people
in a corporation

rather than the
Community Center.

Oh, I get it.

You're going for the bank, huh?

You're going to be bicoastal.

Slick apartment, new car,
maybe a convertible, huh?

Hey, hey, slow down, kid.

Why? That's the
first thing I'd get.

Then I'd get new clothes.

You'll be stylin'.

And ladies... [sucks in breath]

Unh! Lots of ladies.

I mean, that's what
everybody wants.

And you know what's
the best part about it?

You're going to be
doing it legit, too.

You won't even have
to risk going to jail!

Gene, 1, I'm not
going to be bicoastal.

And 2, life isn't
about getting things.

You know that.

Sure it is.

That's what it's all about, man.

Money, things,
getting out, moving on.

Well, if that's what
you really think,

then I haven't been
doing much of a job

at the Community Center.

Then why are you leaving?

[sigh]

Look, man, I want to
explore other options.

Yeah, yeah.

I got that part.

No, hey, hey, Eugene.

Look, man, I want
to take an opportunity

to look at something
new rather than spend

the rest of my life
staying in the same place.

Come on, the world is more
than just our neighborhood.

I don't even know if I'm going to
accept the job in San Francisco,

which they haven't
really offered me yet.

Then why go?

Because I have to know
what I'm turning down,

or else I'm going
to be wondering.

Didn't I teach you to look
at all of the possibilities

before you focus on something?

Yeah, but how do I
know you're coming back?

Eugene, my clothes are here!

You and I have to buy software.

I have to finish my finals,
or I'm not going to graduate.

Why am I even arguing with you?

You're in seventh grade.

You haven't
graduated anything yet.

Hey, man, I'm on the honor roll.

Who helped you get on
the honor roll, Eugene?

You did.

And I'm proud of you, man.

You're getting an education,

which is the best way
to give yourself options.

All right.

You look at your options
and then you decide.

Because I know one thing:

you ain't choosing
no soup over me.

Well, we'll talk about it
when I get back from Frisco.

Okay.

Good luck, man.

Thanks.

Ahhg. Ooh, don't!

Okay. All right.

Now take a sweater,

because I hear
it's chilly out there.

Oh, yeah, and one more thing.

Don't call it Frisco.
The locals hate it.

♪♪ [theme]

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