The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 7 - Just Thinking About It - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[cheering]

Cliff. Huh?

No. No.

Don't tell me you went out
and bought another gadget

that doesn't work.

You're dead wrong.

Come downstairs. Wrong.

I did not buy another
gadget for me.

I bought something
for the entire family.

You see these gloves?



These gloves, my dear,

are battery-operated,

state-of-the-art mittens.

You put your hand in there.

State-of-the-art mittens?

State-of-the-art mittens.

Put your hand... Come on.

Put your hand in there.

And all I have to do
is turn the battery on.

Turn it on.

Now feel the heat. Feel it.

Come on. [chuckles]

You feel it? I feel nothing.

No, you feel nothing because
you don't want to feel anything.



You feel... Wait a minute.

Nothing is happening, Cliff.

Well, maybe it's got
a defective battery.

Maybe your brain is defective.

Cousin Clair, I'm going
to the community center

for a little while.

I'll be back in time for dinner.

Yes, sir, I finished
my homework.

All right. Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I got a pair in here for you

because you are now family.

You see this?

Here they go.

State-of-the-art
battery-operated mittens.

Day-glo.

No thank you.

I'm not putting those
silly-looking things on either.

That's okay.

But I know when
it gets cold outside,

little children will
be begging me,

"Can I have some?"

"No. Get out."

Go. Go ahead. Come on.

Hitting the ball a little hard.

That's me. That's me.

Unh! Oh, you in there.

Look, you got it,
Slide... You guys, get...

Get out the way.
Get out the way.

You big! Oh!

Hey!

Watch the ball,
man, not your woman.

You're the one that
needs to watch the ball.

You keep missing it.

All right, we got
them fighting now.

That's a good sign, right?

Yo, hold up. Time.
I'll be right back.

Yeah, bring your
game back with you.

Yeah, if she lets him.

Boy, she got my man
there on the short leash.

Oh, Lance!

Oh, I'll be right back.

On my way, cinnamon.

Don't come too close, Lance.

I don't want you dripping
perspiration on my new sweatshirt.

Oh, well, this is new sweat,
so you'll have an ensemble.

Don't be gauche, Lance.

So we going out tonight, smooch?

Yeah, but I got
to be back by ten.

Man, them Huxtables are
seriously ruining our relationship.

Rules is for fools.

Laws is for flaws.

Sideline by the guidelines.

What are you talking about?

I'm just quoting somebody great.

Who? Winston Churchill.

Winston Churchill
said, "Laws is for flaws?"

Yeah! He knew
what was going down.

Oh, man, I got to go.

Oh, come on, smooch. Stay
awhile and watch me play.

I can't. I got to help out.

It's my turn to set the table.

Set the table? For what?

So they can eat
like cultured people.

Don't you know anything?

I know you can eat
without setting the table.

Hey, Slide, you going
to hang with the women

or play with the men?

Can't you see? He
hasn't been dismissed yet.

Heh heh.

I'll catch up with
you later, smooch.

I got something
for you, too, baby.

Lance, that would not be funny.

Oh, you know you love it.

All right, try to grab this one.

I'm going to come in there.

Y'all take it easy now.

Yo, Slide, pay attention, man.

Let's finish the
game, all right?

My man's got love
on his mind, homey.

Hey, just because his girlfriend

is living with them rich people

don't mean he can
mess up my game.

Yes. No good losing your
woman to the rich, man.

She's not like that, man.

But don't them Huxtables
have a son at NYU?

Yeah, maybe that's why
she's always rushing off.

No, she had to go
home to set the table. Ha!

Set the table.

Look, man, she's
living in their house,

she has to go by their rules.

Well, I say you ain't a man,

if you can't handle your woman,

and I'm talking
about in every way.

You want to be specific?

Yeah, Pam's a fine woman.

If she were mine, I
know what I'd be doing.

And I know what she'd be doing.

It's too bad you all
wouldn't be doing it together.

Man, I don't let nobody talk
about my woman that way.

Yeah, well, I'm doing it.

Hey, listen, big fella.

I going to hold my man back,

because he'll beat
you down to your shorts.

Out of my way, man.

Hey, you tell your man

if he hit me and
I find out about it,

he's going to be
in a world of hurt.

Excuse me.

We got a lot of
business to take care of.

Peace.

Yeah, go find your briefcase.

Hey, look, next time,
don't hold me back.

Go get it, Dwayne.

Good boy.

Bring it back to me.

Oh, go get it, Dwayne.

Bring it back. Good boy.

What is she doing?
Get it, Dwayne.

You know how much
she wants a dog.

So you bought her
an imaginary one?

No. To compensate for
not being able to have one,

she's created an invisible one.

It's a perfectly normal step
in a child's development.

Go get it, Dwayne. I see.

Hey.

What a nice little doggie there.

Well.

He's over there.

Oh.

Okay. I'll just
go on over there.

Hey!

What do you say there?

How's everything going?

All right. A nice little dog.

What's the dog's name?

Dwayne! It's a St. Bernard.

Oh, St. Bernard. Okay.

That's not his head.

All right. Well!

Dwayne, here!

Oh, you like that, huh?

All right. Get down. Get down.

Get down! Get down!

All right, now, I want
you to get the stick.

All right. Come on, come
on, come on, come on.

All right. Come on, come on!

Hey!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

All right, Dwayne!

Get it. Okay.

A-ha!

This is what I like to see!

Women in the kitchen!

Yes, indeed. Roasting chickens.

Baking bread,
tending the hearth.

All right, women.

And this is what we like to see,

a man coming
home from the fields,

smelling like his mule.

Hey, what's for dinner?

[Both] He's back.

Get away from
that chicken, please.

Thank you.

How come you're
always eating our food?

Because I'm the only one here

who really appreciates
Mom's cooking.

He appreciates it
because it's free.

What you got in the pot, pud?

That is water for
the... mashed potatoes.

Everybody clear out.

You get over here.

And you, you old
man, wash your hands.

Theo you're going
to ruin your dinner.

It's just to tide me over.

You guys are a trip.

That table looks very good, Pam.

Oh, thank you. I
like to set the table.

I think it's cool when
everybody eats together.

Whoa! Is that pecan pie?

Yes, it is. Stay
away. And you, too.

What you doing with the knife?

You don't have to have a knife.

This is not for you.

Pam made it for the rest of us.

In my house, we didn't always
get to eat at the same time,

because I'd be going to school

and my mom would be
coming home from work.

But on special occasions

we would have candlelight
breakfasts on Wedgewood china.

Wedgewood china?
Isn't that imported?

Yes, from the flea
market in Brooklyn.

We got two of them
and they didn't match,

but who cares?

Susan always had a lot of style.

Have you talked to
your mother lately?

Yeah, I called.
She sends her love.

Do you miss her?

Yeah, but I like it here, too.

Except for all
those rules, right?

No, rules don't bother me.

Pinocchio...

Nah! No, I like the rules.

Because, you see,
rules give you structure.

Bam. See?

That's what
teenagers today need.

Structure.

Structure and goals.

That's what we need. Goals.

Structure and goals, yeah.

And priorities. Don't
forget your prior...

You've got to have
your priorities. Wow.

Oh, which the three
of you have none,

and that's why us old
people can have pecan pie.

Excuse me. You bring
that pie back here.

Thank... Oh, you!
You, you, you...

I'll take this.

[Fat Albert on TV]

Isn't that hilarious, Dwayne?

Dwayne just loves Fat Albert.

[doorbell rings]

No St. Bernard on the sofa.

Hello, Dr. Huxtable.

How are you, Arthur? Come on in.

Will you go get Pam, please?

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey! See you later!

It's okay, Dwayne.
It's just a rerun.

Come on, fella!

Who's she talking to?

Dwayne. Who?

It's her dog. It's invisible.

Oh. It's all right, though.

They're cheaper and cleaner.

So, how you been?

Fine, sir.

I just came to take
Pam for a walk.

Hey, I'm out of here, Dad.

Hey, Slide, what's up, man?

Hey, Theo.

[clears throat] What
you got in the bag?

Oh, this? The rest
of Pam's pecan pie.

Yeah?

Well, Mom forced me to.

Uh-huh.

Hey, tell you what.

I'll leave a slice for
you in the mailbox.

My brother.

Hey, Slide.

You leaving, Theo?

Yeah, I got to go,

but I left a collection
of short stories for you.

Read the one I told you
about by Toni Morrison.

[Pam] Okay. You know,
I really liked the one

you gave me last week
by Jamaica Kincaid,

but I didn't
understand all of it.

Well, don't worry about it.

I'll break it down for
you when I come back.

Okay, cool. See you guys later.

[clears throat]

Mailbox.

Special delivery. My brother.

Hey, Pam, you want to
go outside and talk a little?

Yeah, yeah. That's a good idea.

Excuse me, Pam.

Could you take
Dwayne for his walk?

I have a little cold.

Mm-hmm. Sure.

And don't go chasing any cats.

Pam, it's a St. Bernard.

Oh.

You got some sugar for me?

Yeah.

Mmm! Whoa, Slide!

What whoa?

I don't see no
horses around here.

Looks like you want a
little bit more than sugar.

Well, what did you think?

We're coming up on our
three-month anniversary.

Three months?

Counting the five
times we broke up,

plus the times I was grounded,

and the times I
didn't want to see you

because you got on my nerves,

we lucky we've been
together two weeks.

Well, see, that
means our relationship

has weathered the hard times.

Now it's time we
took it to another level.

What do you think? About what?

You know what.

We're the only ones that aren't.

Skeeter and Ramona,
Julio and Anita,

Lance and Charmaine...
Lance and Charmaine!

Oh, no. Uh-uh. I
don't believe that.

Charmaine?

You see how happy she is.

No, no. Can't be Charmaine,

because she would
have told me about it.

What, do you think
she's going to tell you

about every detail in her life?

But Lance would tell you, right?

Let's just put it this way.

I know.

It's time, smooch.

That's a big step, Slide.

Baby, I'll be
taking it with you.

Yeah, I know you will.

Look, we both know how
we feel about each other.

Now it's time we did
something about it.

What's that, Dwayne?
You want to go back inside?

Come on, I'm serious.

I don't know. This is
moving too fast, Slide.

Just think about it.

That's all I'm asking.

Girlfriend, we need to talk.

I can see that from
your frown lines.

I thought we were best friends.

"Were"? Since
when are we "were"?

Then why didn't you tell me?

Tell you what?

About you and Lance.

What about me and
Lance? You know.

I know I do not know
what you are talking about.

I'm talking about you
and Lance being intimate.

Intimate!

Did Lance tell you
we were intimate?

No, Slide did.

Well, let me tell
you something, girl,

Lance and I are close,
but we are not that close.

And if he told you that,

we going to be getting un-close.

Now, since we on this
particular subject, let me just say,

what I have may not
be precious to the world,

but it is precious to me.

You understand what I'm saying?

Hey, because what I
got ain't no knick-knacks.

Well, somebody's
speaking out of turn.

No, somebody's lying,
and I'm the lie detector.

Come on.

All right, this is it.

Time to send these chumps
back to Chump Towers.

[chattering]

That's you, Big.

That's you.

Lance, I want to talk to you.

We're playing a
game here, Charmaine.

Get off the court.

Yeah, smooch, step off.

No, you want to hear
what I have to say.

Charmaine, you
are ruining my game.

And you are ruining
my reputation.

Hey, hey. Do you mind
if we finish this game?

Yeah, I mind.

Now, you guys better step off,

or I'm going to clock somebody.

Come on. You, too, big boy.

Come on, out.

Out.

Now, I believe that you
have been spreading

false information about the
nature of our relationship.

What are you talking about?

Slide told me you
two were intimate.

Yeah! See?

Well, what I said, baby,

was that we are
intimate mentally

and psychologically.

I didn't say physically.

Did you hear me
say "physically"?

Well, that's what you told me

Charmaine gave
you for your birthday.

All I gave this
man for his birthday

was a gift certificate
to the Sizzler.

What I said was that we
had a very special night.

See, you got to get your
mind on a higher plane, homey.

See, intimate means
that our minds have met,

our souls have touched,

and our spirits
have sat together.

Oh, Lance, that was deep.

Don't you think that
was deep, Pam?

You the one swimming in it.

What do you think?

Come on, baby,
let's get intimate.

I'll buy you a jelly doughnut.

You see him squirm out of that?

That don't change
the way I feel.

Oh, Slide, it's the
middle of the day.

Can't we talk about
something else?

About what?

Them books you've been getting

from Mr. College Man, Theo?

He's just trying to
get me to read more.

You know, you
should read more, too.

I read plenty.

How do you think I picked
the right bus to get here?

Hey. Kidding.

Hi, Pam. Hello, Slide.

Hello, Sheniquah. How you doing?

Fine. Bye, Slide.

Good-bye, Sheniquah.

Bye, Slide.

Looking at you like she
wants you on her plate,

and you standing there
looking like a Happy Meal.

All I said was hello.

Your mouth said hello,
but your eyes said, "Hello!"

I got to look at
people I'm talking to.

I know what's in your mind.

You know, you
guys are all alike.

You just don't care.

Just running around with
your hormones on the loose.

Well, what are we
supposed to do?

I'm in the prime of my life,

and I don't know about
you, but I'm peaking.

So let's get busy.

Are you ready, little teapot?

"Yes."

Okay. Are you ready to pour?

"I think so."

Thank you very much.

"S'all right."

Have you seen Dwayne?

Not if you haven't.

I've been looking
for him everywhere.

He's gone.

Well, maybe he went for a walk.

No, maybe he's hiding.

Well, what do you think
will make him come back?

A bowl of ice cream. For him?

No, for me. He likes to
watch me eat ice cream.

I see. So, what
you're saying is,

if I get you some ice cream,

then, uh, Dwayne will
come out to watch you eat it.

Make sure it's vanilla.

All right. Uh, do you mind

if I have a little also?

Not too much. Okay.

Wait. I think I hear Dwayne.

I'll go get him. Okay.

I'll dish it out, you
bring Dwayne back.

♪ A little ice cream ♪

♪ A little ice cream ♪

♪ For today ♪

♪ Hmm ♪

What are you doing?

This is not what
you think it is,

so don't even start with me.

This ice cream
is, uh, for Dwayne.

For Dwayne. Yes.

Well, not really for
Dwayne. It's... Dwayne...

See, Olivia asked
for this ice cream,

because that's the only way that
Dwayne will come back in the house.

'Cause he loves to
watch her eat ice cream.

Oh, Cliff, that is pathetic.

Yes. Well, be as pathetic

as you... Here we are.
Come on in, Dwayne.

Right. Now you're
gonna have to apologize.

So there! Ha-ha!

How much did you
want, Dr. Huxtable?

The girl, you know,
she sees him...

Look, are you gonna believe me or
somebody that sees invisible dogs?

Well, see, the ice cream is not for me.
The ice cream is for my parrot Howard.

See him?

No, dear, I-I don't see
your parrot Howard,

but I would like to see you
in the living room, please.

Well, I'll be
there. You don't...

You don't frighten me. I'll
meet you in the living room.

[stammering] Why
not the basement?

Make no difference to me.

Howard the parrot. Howard and I.

Now you sit down here. What
are you gonna be so rough about?

And, meanwhile, give
Howard a little kiss there.

Go ahead. Give him a kiss. Go
ahead. Give him a kiss. You're so...

Mwah! [laughing]

Oh, hey!

What are you doing
eavesdropping?

Can I ask you two a question?

Sure. [sighs]

How did you first
know you were in love?

Well... Well, first of all,

uh, Cousin Clair told me I
was in love with her. [laughing]

No, no. I'm serious.
I'm serious. No.

'Cause I th... I think
that I might be in love.

Oh, I, uh... I
take it with Slide.

You take it right.

And what makes you think that
you might be in love with Slide?

Well, you know, I get excited
when I know I'm gonna see him.

And sometimes he'll say
something, and we'll both laugh.

It's not funny, but we laugh.

[chuckling] And, uh,

even when he gets on
my nerves, I still miss him.

And we can talk on the phone forever
about nothing. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. We have
children that do that.

That has nothing
to do with love.

But, no, I know what she means,
because that is how love starts.

Yeah. But, you know,
it's more than that.

It's loving somebody's weaknesses
as well as their strengths.

Oh, you mean like
those big, yellow mittens.

Yes, like the mittens.

When infatuation wears off,
that's when real love begins.

And that takes time to develop.

Well, me and Slide been going
together on and off for three months.

Yeah, well, I know that seems
like a long time to you right now,

but believe me, it's not.

Uh, Cliff, is there anything

of substance that you would add?

Well, yes. I think that, um,

love takes, uh, time to develop.

I just said that.

What... What I'm saying...

What I think is...
For your situation...

I mean, you are just
learning about this.

And it's sort of like
a video game. See?

You start out the video game,
and you don't know how to play it.

So... So you come
out... [imitating Pac Man]

And then the thing eats
you up. [imitates Pac Man]

And then you have to start over.

And then, the more
you get involved,

the more you know what you
shouldn't do, what you should do.

And then, after a while, you
can go... [imitating Pac Man]

And that's what we do now.
We go... [imitating Pac Man]

And it never goes... [Pac Man]

See? 'Cause we... we know...

Well, see, it worked with
Theo. It worked for Theo.

That's okay. I... I think I
get the idea. [object shatters]

[Olivia] Dwayne
did it! Yeah, right.

"Dwayne did it."
[laughing] [laughing]

"Dwayne did it."

[both sigh]

Well, is... is that all you...
You wanted to talk about?

Look, look, look, look,
look. Come here. Come here.

We're going back here. Do
you see your chair back here?

Your chair. This is
your own special chair.

I saw you sitting in it.
And this is a special place.

Now, you just sit
down, and you tell me.

Is there something you want
to talk about? Say it. Come on.

All right. Yeah?

Well, if you had a patient, can that
patient be your cousin? Of course.

Would you treat that patient like a
cousin, or that patient like a patient?

I would treat the
cousin like a patient.

Good. I was hoping
you'd say that. Okay.

Is anything wrong?

No. No. Ah.

I was just wondering if you would
consider taking me on as a patient.

Absolutely! Okay.

Now, there you go.

You got it. My patient.

Could you give me a
prescription for birth control pills?

[laughs] Cousin Cliff,

just forget I mentioned
any birth control pills.

I don't know what got
into me... [laughing]

Yeah. [laughing]

Forget I was even here. Yeah.

Uh, Pam? Yes, sir.

You know, when we
talked, I-I told you...

I said you could, uh... you
could come to me for anything,

and you did exactly that.

And, uh, one of these
days, I'll forgive you for that.

But, um, what I
want you to know is,

it's best that you
call your mother.

My mother? Uh-huh.

In California? Well, you have
a mother someplace else?

No, that's the one.

Now, look, you call her,
get permission from her,

you come back and tell me,

and I will give you the name

of the most wonderful
gynecologist in the world.

Dr. Rochelle Hawkins. And
she counsels young women.

Okay. All right?

All right, cousin Pam. Go ahead.

And-and cousin Pam? Yes, sir?

You just call me anytime,

ask me... Okay. Thank you.

Anything.

Hi, Pam.

Hey.

Did you talk to your mother yet?

No, no. I'm not
sure what to say.

Pam, whatever happened
to that pact we made?

I mean, we were gonna
wait until we fell in love.

I think I am in love.

Don't you think you're
in love with Lance?

In love?

Honey, right now we
kind of on the borderline

between intense affection
and "Get out of my life".

Slide gets on my
nerves, too, sometimes.

Gonna play a little
of this ping pong, boy.

Look at him.

He knows I'm here because
he begged me to come,

but now he's with his homies,

and he wants to show
them I have to come to him.

He's always trying
to prove something.

It starts when they're little,

challenging each other to
eat things like worms and bugs,

holding their breath to
see who can pass out first.

They're so unnatural.

Mmm! My serve!

Now look at him, profiling,
showing off for me.

Nice going, baby cakes.

And we just feed into it.

They got us coming and going.

I mean, why do we stay
here and put up with it?

'Cause they look
good and talk sweet.

Please, let's just stop
talking about boys.

It always gets me so agitated.

You're right. Let's stop.

Oh, look at Lance.
That boy is just too cute.

Lance!

Olivia, guess what?

I just found my new legwarmers

all balled up under your bed.

I didn't do it.

Then who did?

Dwayne.

Olivia, there is no Dwayne.

Yes, there is. And
he's very sorry.

Olivia, Dwayne can't be sorry

because invisible
dogs aren't sorry

because there's no such
thing as invisible dogs.

I know that. I'm no dummy.

Then why do you
pretend he's there?

He gets me stuff.

I say he likes to watch
me eat ice cream,

and they give me ice cream.

My parents fall for that?

Yes. Even Dr. Huxtable
has an invisible parrot.

I don't believe it.

Do you think Dwayne
could work for me, too?

Sorry, Rudy, he's a one-kid dog.

Hello, cousin Clair.

Hello, Pam.

How was your appointment
with Dr. Hawkins?

Fine. She gave me some
counseling and some protection.

Pam, have a seat.

Now, I know that you've
given this a lot of thought,

but there is something
I'd like to share with you.

It's a love story.

Happened between a boy
and a girl some years ago.

They really believed they
were in love, you know?

And everything
was going just rosy

until this boy began to, ever
so sweetly, turn on the heat.

Of course, he disguised
this with things like, uh,

love poems, carving of initials
on trees, that sort of thing.

And the girl loved
the attention,

but she told him, "Look,
this is as far as it goes."

And then he came up
with the timeless speech,

"Well, everybody
else is doing it."

[laughs]

Who wrote that speech?

Moses.

Probably Adam.

Well, anyway, all of
this was to no avail.

And then, in a last
act of desperation,

he comes to the girl
and says, "Now, look,

if you loved me, you'd help me
get rid of these bumps on my face."

But when that didn't work, one
evening they went to the movies,

the boy turned into
an octopus, dear.

Eight arms and legs flailing
in every conceivable direction,

all under one big empty head.

The girl started
doing hand exercises

just so she would have the strength
to keep his hands on her shoulders.

Her hands got so
strong that, to this day,

there's no telling
what she could do.

So what happened to them?

They got married.

You see, if a man is good,

he will understand
it is your decision.

Cousin Cliff. [laughs]

What was that all about?

Have some orange juice. It's
so good for your complexion.

Hey, Slide.

Hey, Pam.

Where you been hiding
yourself these last couple days?

Well, I've been
thinking about us,

and, um, I don't
see what the harm is

if we wait a little while.

Why do we have to wait?

Well, what's the rush?

I mean, I'm not saying
until we get married,

just until I'm ready.

Hey, look, if you're
not sure about this,

then you're not sure about me.

Oh, come on, Slide.
Why do you say that?

All I know is I love
you, and it hurts to know

that you don't
feel the same way.

You know I love you.

Hey, I hear the words,
but that's about it.

You don't think I mean it?

Okay, if I didn't mean it,

why would I go to the
doctor's and get these?

Oh.

Happy now?

Yeah, well, it's just that

I thought that you'd, um,
take care of this kind of stuff.

I am taking care of it.

No. No, I mean I thought
you'd get some of those pills.

Oh, well, my doctor
said that these

are better for all around,
you know what I mean?

What doctor?

The gynecologist that
Dr. Huxtable recommended.

You told Dr. Huxtable
about us? Are you crazy?

He's my guardian.

Yeah, well, he doesn't
have to guard everything.

Forget about it. I don't wanna
use these things anyway.

And I don't wanna have a baby.

What's the matter,
don't you trust me?

This has got nothing
to do with trust.

It's got to do with my body.

Well, what if we
did have a baby?

We're planning on
staying together, right?

Would that be so bad?

We can't afford a baby.

Hey, I've worked
before. I'll get another job.

Slide, that was part-time.

There is no such thing
as a part-time baby.

Besides, I mean, we're
only in high school.

We don't even know
how we're gonna feel

about each other
in a year or so.

At least now I
know where I stand.

Nothing's changed.

Except you.

See, Pam, that's how men are.

They wreck your
life, step over you,

and then go looking for
somebody else to crash into.

You should've seen
him getting all mad

when I gave him those things.

Here I go and embarrass myself,

and he says,
"Don't you trust me?"

Trust him? Like
Anita trusted Julio?

Now she's having his baby.

And she wanted to study nursing.

Thanks to him,
she'll be nursing.

That's right.

And there's nothing
she can do. It's done.

It may be done,
but it ain't over.

What if Julio leaves her?

You know, men are prone to do
things like that from time to time.

Well, that would never
happen with me and Slide.

Please, that's what you
and Slide do best, break up.

Well, did Lance ever try to put
that kind of pressure on you?

He tried that higher
plane stuff on me once,

but, girlfriend, I let
him know where it was,

and that he was in
no position to go get it.

And if he kept trying to get it,

it would move, and
I will move with it.

Aren't you afraid of losing him?

Losing him? Him
I could get back.

If I lose me, I'm gone for good.

But what if Slide
doesn't come back?

Then later, potato.

Let him walk.

If he ain't got no time for you,

you ain't got no time for him.

That's right.

They gotta listen to us

and forget what their homies

and their hormones
are telling them.

Men.

Yeah, men.

Where are they?

There you go, a six and a five.

Hey, guys, listen
to this, right?

It says here that women want
men as much as men want women.

Not in this neighborhood.

That's right. We're wasting
our time with these women, see.

I got a cousin,
and where he lives,

the women are fine,
plentiful, and ready.

And where's that?

In New Jersey.

What you worried about?
You're already spoken for.

Can't a man ask
about a location?

Exactly where in New Jersey?

Trenton.

You telling me that
the women in Jersey

are more accessible
than the women right here?

I'm telling you the women
over there are primed.

I think it's got something
to do with the water.

Guys, I've heard what you been
saying about women in Jersey.

That's a lot of bunk.
How do you know?

'Cause I'm from Jersey,

and that's the same thing we
say about women in Brooklyn.

There's nothing happening there,

and there's nothing
happening here.

Well, maybe you from the
wrong part of New Jersey, man.

What part are you from?

Trenton.

Women.

Yeah. Women.

Where they at?

Hey, cuz.

Hey, how you feeling?

What are you reading?

That book you gave
me by Toni Morrison.

Ah, all right.

Can I ask you something?

Sure. One second.

Why are men such worms?

What?

Well, in the book,
this man marries Nell,

but has a thing with Sula.

Why do you men do that?

[chuckles] Wait a minute, Pam.

That's a book. That's fiction.

Well, didn't you tell me that
good fiction is based on the truth?

Uh, I did, didn't I?

The truth is men are worms.

That's true, but
only to a degree.

See, that's because
men are always evolving.

See...

When I was Slide's
age, I used to be a worm.

But now, I'm only part worm.

But people are supposed
to be better than that.

People are supposed to be
human and control their instincts,

not like a rabbit
or a bull moose.

Yeah, well, I went to school
with a lot of bull moose,

but they didn't stay that way.

See, as we get
older, the herd thins,

we get more sophisticated.

Then, when a woman says no,

we know how to accept it.

We may not like it...

Okay, we may cry a little bit.

But we accept it.

Well... Slide's a bull moose.

And I'm just wondering what
he'll think of me if I give into him.

Well, if he is a bull
moose, I gotta tell you,

they're migrating animals.

They just graze and move on.

Well, I'm probably
better off without him.

But I sure do miss him.

Hi, Pam.

Hi.

Did you hear that?

Yes, I did. Poor thing.

Losing her boyfriend.
Hee hee hee.

What makes you think
that she lost her boyfriend?

Oh, men are so
blind. Trust me, love.

Slide has slid away.

[doorbell rings]

Hee hee hee.

I'm afraid Slide
has slid down here.

Well, how you doing, Slid?

Arthur.

Arthur. All right.

Mrs. Huxtable.

How are you doing,
Mrs. Huxtable?

Oh, I'm fine, Slide.
How are you?

Fine.

Hey, Slide.

Hi, Pam.

Is it all right if we go
outside and talk a little?

Uh, ask Mrs. Huxtable.

Is it okay, Mrs. Huxtable?

If that's what Pam wants.

What are you doing, Cliff?
Get back over there by that door.

Get back over
there by that door.

I wanna know everything
that's going on out there.

Well, dear, that
would be spying.

Do it.

Now, what are they doing?

Well, they're out there just...

They're just talking.

Does it look like
they're arguing?

No, they're just talking.

And, uh... Uh-oh.

She pushed him away.

Well, he's-he's walking away.

Good.

Whoa, wait. Wait a
minute. He's coming back.

Keep walking, fool.

Not you. Him.

Oh. Well, he's putting
his arms around her.

He's pulling her close.

Oh, Clair, looks like
you're gonna lose.

Yeah, they're kissing now.

Well, don't just stand
there. Do something.

What do you want me to do?

Well, turn on the sprinklers.

Turn... We don't
have sprinklers.

They're still kissing.

Mmm.

Why don't we go
back to my place?

My folks aren't at home.

There you go again.

The minute things
are nice between us,

you go bring that up.

Okay, I'll let you
know when I'm ready,

so stop sweating me.

Oh. [chuckles]

Don't act like you doing
me some big favor now.

A lot of women out there
interested in the king.

You mean, like
Sheniquah Watkins?

Well...

You trying to tell me that
if I don't give in to you,

that you'll start
seeing Sheniquah?

That's an option.

Fine, don't let me stop you.

I'm my own woman, I've got my
own mind, and I intend to use it.

Good night.

And give my best to Sheniquah.

Whoa. It's a good thing I
had four other daughters.

Man, I wouldn't have
known to hold on to my paper.

I told you Slide has slid away.

[telephone rings]

Hello? Ah. Elaine, yes.

Oh. Okay.

Now, why don't you go
on ahead to the hospital.

Can your parents take you?

No. Okay, well, take a cab.

Right. I'll get right over.

There you go. Good example.

Got a 16-year-old girl

ready to deliver
some time tonight.

Parents say, "We wanna
have nothing to do with you."

The boy that did it
says, "It's not mine.

I told you to protect yourself."

All she's gonna
do is have a baby.

Hey, homey. How you doin', man?

All right.

Hey, if you down,
you can get up.

Ain't that easy, man.

Hey, Pam.

Hello, Lance.

Yo, there she is, man.
Go over and talk to her.

She won't even look at me, man.

Yeah, I ain't never seen
nobody get ignored so good.

I played the wrong card, Lance.

Yup, played that Sheniquah card.

I wasn't even serious,
man. I just got mad.

Then you gotta go over
there and tell her that.

I would, but she won't listen.

Come on, man. I'll back you up.

Hey, yo, the way she looks,
you better get in the front.

Hey, Pam, how you feeling today?

Fine, Lance.

Hi, Pam.

She ain't talking to me, man.

I can see that.

Go try it again, man.

How was school today?

Oh, Lance.

Would you please tell that man

that I'm not interested
in anything he has to say,

and I'm very busy, so
please, get out of my face.

At the current time, her
attention is directed elsewhere.

However, by the
inflection in her voice,

she might be
interested in an apology.

Tell her I've been
thinking about her.

My man says that he has devoted

his entire brainpower
to your image.

You may tell Mr. Bartell that I
have not been thinking about him.

He's a pain in the
you-know-what.

She says while you are not

in her uppermost thoughts,

you are not very
far from her heart.

All right. Well, tell her I'm
sorry that she's depressed,

and that if my mentioning
Sheniquah Watkins

has anything to do with
me being far from her heart,

then I'm very sorry.

Although my man
is quite learned,

Sheniquah is no longer
a part of his vocabulary.

Then ask him why he
threw her in my face like that.

Yeah, you heard her,
homey. Why'd you do that?

That was stupid, and I admit it,

and I'm sorry.

The only woman
I think of is you.

What he meant was... Lance.

I know what he meant.

Look, I've been
doing some thinking,

and you shouldn't have to
do anything you don't want to,

and neither should I.

Not that I don't want to.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I know what you
mean, and I appreciate it.

I sure have missed you, smooch.

I've missed you, too, Slide.

I can see my work is done here.

Lance knows romance.

Rudy said you wanted
to see me, Dr. Huxtable.

That is correct. Would
you have a seat, please?

Come on, Dwayne.

Uh, look, people have been
talking about Dwayne lately,

and they're not very
happy with his behavior.

What?

It seems that Dwayne
has gotten into

and has been using
Denise's makeup.

[gasps]

I really don't know
how Dwayne did it,

but he went into the
kitchen and got a knife,

and cut a big piece
of chocolate cake.

He won't do that again.

He also is doing
some terrible things

and blaming you
for these things.

[gasps] Yes.

Your shoeprints
were on our sheets,

looking like somebody was
jumping up and down on the bed.

And I know it had to be Dwayne

putting on your
shoes and doing that.

So, my point is that

just outside the door there,
there's an invisible family.

And they told me that they
were missing their invisible dog.

The dog fits
Dwayne's description.

And I think it's time
for you to give Dwayne

back to those invisible people.

Okay.

Thank you.

Come on, Dwayne.

Whew.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Go on, Dwayne.

What? One minute.

What are you doing?

They want Howard
your parrot, too.

Bye!

Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA