The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 6 - Getting the Story - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[cheering]

Make sure you zoom in

nice and tight on
Mom's face, okay? Got it.

Now we're going to
come around here.

Come on. Got it?

Come on down till
you end up right there.

What are you guys doing?

Oh, we're practicing for
a social studies project.

We have to videotape a
day on the job with a parent.

Ah! Okay. Well, what
do you want me to say?



[laughs] Actually, Dad,

we figured that a lawyer

would be more
interesting than a doctor.

Yeah. Criminals are more
interesting than babies.

The best video will be shown
in front of the school assembly.

The winner gets a
certificate and a trophy.

Just like winning
the Academy Award.

Well, don't let me
stand in the way

of your winning an Oscar.

Have you spoken to
your mother about this?

She said yes.

Okay.

I want to be on TV.

No, not now, Olivia.
Get out of the way.



How about if I sing?

Olivia, come on. No,
no, no, no, no, Olivia.

I think Dad wants
you in the kitchen.

All right. And then...

[mumbling]

What's the matter?

Rudy and Kenny won't
let me be in their video.

Oh, well, join the club.

They won't let
me in there, either.

But I can sing!

Yes.

And I was all prepared
to tell jokes and be funny.

I can tell jokes
better than you.

I beg your pardon?

Your jokes are for old people.

My jokes are for little kids.

When you tell a
joke, nobody laughs

except... you.

Thank you.

[off-key] ♪ Hello,
Dolly, well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Yeah, see? Now, that's
why they won't let you on.

Because you can't hit
those notes properly.

Now, if you just
sing in another key.

Get a lower key. Go on back.

Show you what I mean.
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-dah ♪

♪ Hello, Dolly,
well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Yeah, see? You're straining.

That key is too high for you.

Lower. Lower.

Lower? Lower!

[lower] Lower. There you go.

[deep voice] ♪ Hello,
Dolly, well, hello, Dolly ♪

♪ It's so nice to have you
back where you belong ♪

Lower.

Lower. Lower.

Lower! Lower!

Hit it.

[scratchy growling]
♪ You're lookin' ♪

♪ Swell, Dolly ♪

♪ I can tell, Dolly ♪

♪ You're still growing ♪

In seconds, Attorney Huxtable
will race down these stairs

to face another grueling
day of defending her clients.

Good morning. [laughing]

Cut! Cut, cut. Cut.

Mom, do you think you
could do that differently?

Do what?

We want you to
race down the stairs,

grab your briefcase,
and shoot out the door

like your skirt's on fire.

Better yet, just
run down the stairs

and we'll throw
you the briefcase.

Well, why would I do that?

Because we're trying
to make it exciting.

Yeah, like the
lawyer shows on TV.

Why is it that every time

you people have a video to make,

you want me to
turn into Batgirl?

You know, Theo wanted
me to hang from a chandelier,

Vanessa wanted me to
somersault through the kitchen,

and end up in a firing pose?

I don't think so, honey.

I'm not Batgirl. I'm
not Mrs. Rambo.

I am Mrs. Clair Huxtable,
Attorney at Law. Got it?

Yes. Yes.

Okay, shall we go?

Yes. Yes.

Well, I guess asking her

to roll over the
hood of the car is out.

Yeah.

This office is perfect.

Looks very official.

That's right. This is where
all the action happens.

My mom is a hot
lawyer. All right.

Let's see some criminals. Yeah.

Have a seat, Mr. Parker.

Mrs. Huxtable will be
with you in a moment.

Well, thank you.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

George. I told you about my
daughter Rudy and her friend Kenny?

Oh, sure.

Have a seat, please.
Go ahead, children.

Mrs. Huxtable's
first client of the day:

Mr. George Parker.

He may even be a criminal.

There it is. Oh, good.

Well?

I feel great. Thanks.

Thank you.

Bye. Have a nice day.

That was it? Actually,
what you just saw

was the end of a
very complicated case.

You see, our client's
patent had been violated.

Now, fortunately, we
didn't have to go to court.

But, Mom, don't you
want to go to court?

No offense, Mrs. Huxtable,

but you'll never be
as big as Perry Mason.

Let's hope not.

Don't worry, Lyman.

We're not going to let
anyone gobble you up.

No! All right.

Bye.

That was a client trying
to avoid a hostile takeover.

Is that like a kidnapping?

In a way, yeah.

Roll tape.

Wait a minute. It all
takes place on paper.

You see, when someone
wants to take over a company,

they buy as much
stock as they can

so they can control
the entire organization.

Do they use guns?

No.

Cut.

Kenny, law can be
exciting without guns.

I know, but they help.

Listen, I think I
have just the thing

that will be of
interest to you two.

It's called trademark
infringement.

Start your camera,

and I will explain
trademark infringement.

In the case of Horndecker
vs. Horndecker,

you have two brothers who
own a popcorn company...

Chairman of the Board,

Harry refined the
recipe for the popcorn

and therefore is entitled
to use of the name.

What a world, huh?

Oh, yeah.

[knocking] Come in.

Uh, excuse me.
Am I interrupting?

Oh, no, Steve. Not at all.

Rudy and her friend
Kenny are making a video

for one of their class projects,

and I'm the subject.

Rudy, you remember Mr. Parnell,

one of our senior partners.

Hello. Hello, there.

I bet you kids don't realize
how funny law can be.

Roll 'em!

Yeah, this is about the
Martindale stock merger.

I heard you won that hands down.

But the best part was
the defense counsel's

personal appeal to
the judge, and I quote:

"Your Honor, you restrained
us from issuing stock,

"you've frozen our assets,

"you've stripped us bare...

All we have left is our torts!"

You get it? Torts? Shorts?

You see, torts is an area of law

that deals with damages.

All we have left are our torts!

I'm going to file these papers.
Would you like to film that?

No, thank you.

Okay.

I'll be right back.

[door closes] Rudy?
We're in trouble.

We can kiss that
trophy good-bye.

The trophy died with
the short tort joke.

Joann, I can't believe this.

Oh, I'm telling you.
He plows into me,

and then he takes
off at 90 miles an hour.

Well, naturally, I
took off after him.

You remember my daughter Rudy?

Oh, hi. This is
her friend Kenny.

Kenny, could Joann have
this seat, please? Sure.

Oh! Thank you.

Anyway, I follow
him for 15 blocks.

I'm chasing him.

I finally catch up to him

when he crashes
into a fire hydrant.

[chuckles] Hi.

Water is spouting everywhere.

I jump out, drag
him out of the car...

I'm the one with whiplash,
and he's suing me for assault.

Oh, that's outrageous.

That's what I think.

I'm not going to stand
for this. And you shouldn't.

That's right. Okay.
I'll see you later.

Bye.

Whoa. Congratulations, Mom.

That's a great case.

Oh, Rudy, what are
you talking about?

Joann is my law clerk,
honey, not a client.

I know, but she needs your help.

You're going to
defend her, aren't you?

Yeah, that maniac
broke her neck,

and now he's suing her.

Mom, you got to defend her.

It's a lot better than
the popcorn guys.

But, Rudy, I don't
practice that kind of law.

Now, if she wants to go
down the hall to Simmons,

I'm sure he'd be more
than happy to represent her.

Why don't you give Simmons
the popcorn guys' case?

And you could take Joann's case.

And we could recreate the crime.

What crime?

You know, when the maniac
bashes her with his car,

she chases him and beats him up?

Now wait a minute!

We are not going to
recreate any crime.

But, Mom, we've
been here all morning,

and we don't have anything.

Now what do you mean
you don't have anything?

You have a lot of
interesting things.

Rudy, you have
trademark infringement,

hostile takeover...
You have stock merger!

But, Mom, none of
that has any action in it.

Well, everything doesn't
have to have action, Rudy.

And I am certainly not
going to fake anything

to provide a phony sense
of drama for your video.

Now, would you like to hear

about one of my
many action-packed

tax evasion cases?

Fine, Mom.

Good. I'll get my files,

and I'll be right back.

[door closes] We're dead.

Yep.

[imitating Louis Armstrong]
♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪ Hello, Dolly ♪

♪♪ [scatting]

Ooh! Mm, chocolate.

Mm. Well, how'd the taping go?

[chuckling] Really?

How ya doin'? How'd
the videotaping go?

Did you put it all together?

What's to put together?

Whoo-ooh.

Somebody is angry with you.

Hmm-hmm-hmm.

I try not to get the
children angry with me, boy.

I don't care if Rudy's
angry with me.

I don't like it when the
children get angry with me.

Aw, they just give you looks.

Makes you kind of frightened.

Makes you feel like you don't
want to sleep at night, you know?

An 11-year old angry with
you, come in your room

and hit you with an
apple or something.

Well, I guess I'll
go in and talk to her.

But I'm not afraid of her.

Just don't want to upset her.

Dad, we're in trouble.

Not we. I'm not in trouble.

Your mother loves me. Ha-ha!

Her cases are boring.

And when a fun one came in,

the car chase, a broken neck,

and all that good stuff?

She gave it away.

We have to turn this in
the day after tomorrow,

and we don't have anything.

Well, I'm sorry that you happen
to have two boring parents.

[phone rings]

Hello? Yes, Mr. Arroyo.
How far apart are they?

Okay. You guys head
for the hospital. This is it.

Yeah. All right. And I'll meet
you over there. I'm on my way.

Well, I have to go over
to the boring hospital

and deliver a boring baby.

Can we come? Yeah.

I'd love to film a
baby being born.

No, no, no. You
can't go. You cannot...

You are not allowed in
the delivery room, that's it.

Can we come anyway?

Look. If you're thinking
about taping something,

you shoot the
front of the building,

and you shoot the
waiting room, and that's it.

We'll take it.

Okay. But I'm telling you,

all you'll be able to tape

is outside of the hospital
and the waiting room,

you understand me?

I'll get the car, meet
you around front.

All right.

Why do you want to go

and sit in the
boring waiting room?

We're not going to get anything.

Are you kidding?

Hospitals are full of action.

Once we get inside,

we'll sneak to the
emergency room,

and you know what happens there.

But none of those
are my dad's patients.

[sigh] Your dad's a doctor.

He fixes everything.

We'll just tell him
they're his patients...

Think of all the good
things we can get!

Code Blue. Shock him
again. Doctor, we're losing him.

Doctor, stat!

Where's that I.V.?
Where's the liver?

Rush that brain down to
Emergency immediately!

Come on, Rudy.
Let's get that trophy.

He's going. He's going.

He's gone! He's back.

Wait a minute.
Give him his legs.

Hold that.

So we'll be in Labor
Room 4. Okay.

Thank you.

This is my father,
Doctor Huxtable.

He's about to deliver
a baby. Let's watch.

So how far apart are
they? Three minutes apart.

Three minutes apart.
How do you feel, Julia?

Fine, Dr. Huxtable.

I'll be glad when this is over.

All right, honey. Go ahead. Go.

You two. In here. In here.

Now, this is where
the two of you will wait.

You will wait right
here. You understand?

You will wait... Right here.

Got it. Absolutely.

Are you ready? Yeah.

But the guard's right there.

As soon as he finishes,

we'll split up and
scout the place.

Meet back here in 15 minutes

and compare injuries.

Get the best stuff. Okay.

There he goes.

Let's go.

We were just trying to
find the soda machine.

My dad said we could get a soda!

What a coincidence.
It's right here.

[Kenny] Oh! Oh, yeah.

Hey, now, stay put.

We're put. We're put.

Mr. Arroyo. How's your wife?

She's due any minute now.

I just have to sign these forms.

Mr. Arroyo,

how'd you like to videotape
the birth of your baby?

I would, but I don't
have a camera.

You can borrow ours.

You would do this for me?

Oh, that's so wonderful of you.

Well, maybe you
could do us a favor, too.

What?

Well, my father has
never had a videotape

of one of his births,

and I think it would be a
very nice surprise for him.

Oh, you're such
thoughtful children.

Of course I'll be glad to help.

I'll give you a copy.
You better go ahead.

Your baby's going
to be born any minute.

My wife's going to be so happy!

It's a girl! It's a girl!

I can't tell you how
beautiful it was.

Well, just give us the tape and we'll
make copies and we'll get it to you.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

It will be my pleasure to make a
copy of the tape for your father.

Copy of the... No, no, no.

We don't want a
copy of the tape.

Where did you get
that silly idea from?

We don't want the tape.

You told me you wanted it
as a surprise for Dr. Huxtable.

I thought that camera
looked familiar.

Oh. Oh, oh. I
ruined the surprise.

Why don't you give me that tape,
since it's no longer a surprise?

I'll bring you a copy
this evening. All right.

What's the matter with you two?

Why is it that you're willing

to take credit for
something you haven't done?

But you're the only
one who'd know.

No, that's not true. You know.

Well, we tried, Kenny.

And we lost. Well,
I better go home.

Yeah.

[doorbell rings]

Hello. Here is your
father's copy of the video.

It's beautiful. He's
a very fine doctor.

That's what everyone says.

No, you don't understand.

Your father is a
very special person.

He just doesn't deliver babies.

His job also is to bring
hope into the world.

What a wonderful profession.

Mr. Arroyo, would you mind
saying that one more time?

What? Just say
what you just said.

This? Yeah.

I'm not sure what
you want me to say.

But I think Dr. Huxtable
has the best job there is:

to bring hope into the world.

[Rudy] What you've just seen
are some of the nice things

people have to
say about my father.

The delivery of the baby
was shot by Mr. Arroyo

because we weren't
allowed in the delivery room.

All right!

[Clair] Very nice, you two.

We're very proud
of both of you. Yeah.

And you see, you
did it with your mind,

so you stayed within the rules,

and look at that: you
won a trophy. Aha!

You should have heard
my acceptance speech.

No, you shouldn't have.

Dad, he went on and on.

People started throwing
their lunches at him.

The gym teacher had
to haul him off the stage.

I had to thank all
the little people.

Kenny, you are
the little people.

Well, Mr. Arroyo
did a nice job, too.

Yes, and of course,
I want to thank you

for all the close-ups
of the babies.

No close-ups of me at all,
just close-ups of the babies.

I mean, what did they
do? They just laid there

and said "Waah, waah, waah!"

I'm the one. More
close-ups of your father.

Next time you steal pictures.

♪♪ [theme]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA