The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 4 - Period of Adjustment - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

[cheering]

Hey! [giggles]

Ah!

Ta-da!

One frozen blueberry yogurt pie.

It looks good! Well, it better.

We want Cousin Pam
to feel at home, don't we?

Does she need that
spoon to feel at home?

No. You may have it.

Thank you.



Ahm!

I don't see why we have to
do anything special for Pam.

She's already getting the
best room in the house.

Rudy.

The deal was supposed to be

when Vanessa
went away to college,

I was finally going
to get my own room.

But before I can
blink, Vanessa's out,

Pam's in, and I'm nowhere.

Rudy, that is so selfish.
Pam's grandmother is sick.

Her mom's going to
California to take care of her.

Now, come on, it's up to us

to make her feel at home.

I'll do my part,



but I hope Pam doesn't
boss me around too much.

And why would she do that?

Because that's
what old people do.

It's their job.

Olivia, Pam is only 17.

Whoa!

She's older than I thought!

Come on, you guys,
Pam's part of the family now.

It's up to us to make
her feel at home,

so let's get generous.

Yeah, Rudy, lighten up.

Well, here we are.

Oh, man!

Oh, this is nice!

This is real nice.

Thank you. Yes!

Nice and large.

But not too large. Just the
right kind of large, you know?

Larger than our
apartment, that's for sure.

Not that our apartment's small.

It's just... just
not this large.

I'm talking too much, huh?

Oh, no. You're fine.

I mean, this is
just the living room.

You could take our apartment
and put it in this living room.

No, I'm lying. No.

You could take
half this living room

and put our apartment in it.

Yes, you put the
bathroom right there,

the bedroom right there,

I'm standing in the living room,

you put the kitchen
up there, that's it.

Anyway, my mom said to
say thank you, so thank you.

And, um, I'm going to try to
behave and make her proud.

Oh, I'm not worried about you.

I know your mother.

Anyway, you have a
big, beautiful house.

Just hope I don't break
or scratch nothing.

Listen, big or small,
this is your home,

and there's a lot of love in it.

And we're very
honored and blessed

to have you here.

Thank you.

[Clair chuckles] Hi!

I thought I heard someone.

Hi. I'm Denise. [Pam] Hi.

[chuckles] Oh.

And this is my
step-daughter Olivia.

Hi. Are you going
to boss me around?

No.

You just made a new friend.

Come on, Denise.

Oh, we're in the
middle of making dinner.

Hi. I'm Rudy.

You're getting
an excellent room.

Rudy, don't you have chores?

Chores are my life.

Listen, I'm going to
go into the kitchen

and get us some juice.

Why don't you sit down and
make yourself comfortable?

And when I come back,
I'll take you upstairs

and show you everything
you need to know.

Okay.

Mm, ha ha ha!

Ooh, look at this.

Let me sit down.

Hi. You must be Cousin Pam.

[chuckles]

What are you doing sitting
over there in No Person's Land?

Just sitting. Yeah?

Don't want to be
in anybody's way.

You're the first person
to sit in that chair

and act like you
really enjoy it.

I bought that chair so long ago,

none of the kids
want to sit in it.

But now, this is your chair,

and I hereby christen this chair

Cousin Pam's chair.

All right?

Yes, indeed. Enjoy yourself.

Cousin Pam.

Cousin Cliff.

Well, I just want you to know
that you're welcome here, okay?

Thank you. Uh...

Can you... Can you scrub floors?

Well, that's what... Isn't
that why they sent you here?

No.

Well, then you're worth nothing.

I don't know why
they sent you here.

I heard about you.

Yeah? What did
you hear about me?

Come on over here.

Everything here is yours.

Please, please, please,
make yourself at home.

All right? Mm-hmm.

Need anything, just call on me.

Mrs. Huxtable, she's
got problems up here,

and I try to just, uh, you know,

keep her intact, so...

But I'm the one you want
to come to all the time.

I'm the sane one around here.

All right? Yes, sir.

You want a shot of scotch?

I was just checking to see

what your drinking
habits might be.

Fresh apple juice!

[Cliff] All right! Good.

We can have a toast here.

To Cousin Pam coming here.

Are you all right, dear?

I'm fine. There, you see?

Sometimes she
goes off just a little bit.

There you are.
Welcome to the family.

Welcome to the family, dear.

Thank you. [laughs]

Hello, Slide.

Yeah.

Hey, I miss you, too.

Okay so far.

Yeah. Yeah, they got cable.

Mm-hmm. No, no,
baby. They paid for it.

A party?

Tomorrow?

In the Bronx?

Are we invited this time?

I'm not gonna meet you
on no subway platform.

You come pick me up.

Yeah. 9:00?

Just a minute.

I didn't mean to butt
into your conversation,

but we have a 10:00
curfew in this house.

Whoa, Slide, there's a little
hitch in the giddy-up here.

Curfew's at 10. Yeah.

Well, I gotta check these
people out before I break it.

Uh-huh. All right,
I'm gonna get back.

Okay, bye.

You think if I
asked real polite,

they'd let me go?

To a party... in the Bronx...

on a weekday...

and you don't even
know if you're invited?

What are you doing?

Putting my name on my food.

Why?

So everybody'll know it's mine.

Why?

So nobody will eat it.

Ooh!

I have a half a sandwich
left over from lunch.

Should I put my name on it?

If you don't want
nobody to eat it.

Excuse me.

Uh, pardon me...
Miss Wilma Rudolph.

Where are you going with
the marker and the tape?

I'm going to write my
name on my sandwich.

Why?

Because I made that sandwich,

and I don't want
anybody to take it.

Why? Did you put money in it?

No! Peanut butter and pickles.

You got a peanut butter
and pickle sandwich,

and you want to
put your name on it?

That's the safest
sandwich in this house.

Pam puts her name on her food.

Well, maybe that's because
Pam doesn't understand

that the food in this
house is for everyone.

Ooh, I'd better tell her that.

She had some very nice cupcakes.

Uh-uh-uh!

Just a minute. Just a minute.

Come... Come...
Come... Come back here.

She had cupcakes? Mm-hmm.

So, uh, is all this a
special diet or something?

No, it's just mine.

Well, listen,

you can put your
name on it if you want to,

but I would suggest
after you do that,

put it under the counter,

and then write down
the kind of food you like.

We'll go to the store
and you can go with us

and just buy stuff
and bring it back here.

You don't have to
put your name on it.

It belongs to everyone.

You don't have to save all
this stuff, unless you want to.

Keep it under in case
there's a war or something,

for all we know.

But you don't need to do that.

You have these cupcakes here.

Put... Put them under
there for a special occasion.

[doorbell rings]

[doorbell rings]

[Clair] Will somebody get that?

Slide, what are you doing here?

I missed you.

Wanted to see how
they was treating you.

They're treat me okay.

Whoo!

This is livin' large, Smooch.

I might get into the
medical game myself.

Yeah, all right.

Don't act crazy. Come outside.

People always in your
business around here.

So what did you come here for?

Look, I got a nice way for
us to make it to the party

and for you to make your curfew.

So what's the plan?

This man's got a car.

I got a license, bang!

Let's get busy!

You want me to
ask him for his car?

That's your plan?

Yeah. I'm a good driver.

I use my boss' car to
make deliveries all the time.

Then borrow your boss' car.

I did, for you.
Remember that time?

You and Shaniqua Watkins
was gonna wear the same dress

to the high school dance?

I had to borrow his car then

to take you on that
emergency shopping trip.

I almost lost my job for that.

It's your turn now.

Yeah, well, you
better go to Plan B.

You got one?

Yeah, go without you.

Slide, that was uncalled for.

Well, what do you
expect me to say?

It sounds like you
don't even want to go.

You want to stay in this
rich house with these people.

I want to go, but I can't!

Ah, you can, but
you don't want to.

You're losing heart.

Yeah, and you don't have
one, making some big deal

out of a party way
up in the Bronx.

It's not just some party.

This is the final final.

Hey, I'm not gonna miss it.

[sigh]

I'm outta here.

Yeah, all right. So go.

Who cares?

[sirens blaring on TV]

[explosion] What's happening?

Check it out.

Half the army
just got wiped out,

and the president
still don't believe

there's an attack
from outer space.

When will he ever learn?

Uh-oh! Here comes
Ninja Blob again!

Whoa, it's big.

Yeah, you'd be big, too,

if you just ate Battle
Creek, Michigan.

Oh, you better watch out!

Don't try to make
friends with it. Just run!

Get outta there! Run!

Yeah, yeah! Lose the girl.

She's just gonna slow you down!

Girlfriend, how you
supposed to run in them heels?

[phone ringing]

See? That's why
she's gonna trip and fall.

Mm-hmm, the monster's
gonna eat her up

just like they always do.

Uh-huh. Hello?

Smooches? No Smooch here.

Oh, that... that's me.

Hello?

Slide who?

Oh, so you want
to apologize now.

Well, I don't wanna hear it.

No, I don't want to...

Yeah, Slide?

[giggles]

Me, too.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Look, I'll talk to him
when I get ready.

Okay? All right.

Okay, bye.

Listen to the girl! Run!

Get away from there!

Where's your dad?

Downstairs in his office.

[knocking at door] Come in.

Hi.

Hello, Cousin Cliff.

Well, come on,
now. Have a sit-down.

You have a very
nice office here, sir.

Well, yeah.

I... I feel it's comfortable.

Yeah, I guess hard
work is its own reward.

Mm-hmm.

Your family is lucky to
have such a good provider.

Bet your patients
are lucky, too.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, look at you,
working late at night,

checking out people's insides
when they ain't even here.

How much do you need?

I don't want any money.

No, don't lie to me.

No, I just want to tell you

how much I appreciate
what you're doing for me.

And?

And to say that I've
been thinking about

what you said about
us all being family.

And?

And to clarify
this sharing thing.

Exactly what does that include?

You mentioned the TV. Right.

And the phone. Right.

And the food and the car.

Right... No! Not the car.

The car? No, no, no, no.

No. No, no, no, no. Not the car.

Now, let me explain...

See, the reason I asked is...

See, I've got an important
social engagement

with some of my homies...
I mean, my friends,

and it's way up in the Bronx.

And to get there from here,

you gotta take two
trains and a bus.

So I figured since Slide...
I mean Arthur, my friend,

has a license and a
distinguished driving record...

Is any of this making
you change your mind?

I really don't think so.

Uh, ahem, let... let
me explain how I feel

about lending my car
to my children's friends.

I don't.

Now, is there anything
else I could help you with?

No, sir.

No, sir. I see your point, sir.

I mean, I just want you to know
I'm not gonna be no trouble at all.

In fact, most of the time, you
won't even know I'm around.

Like tonight, come
1 or 2 in the morning,

you don't see me, you don't know
where I am, chill, I know where I am:

safe and sound,
riding the D Train,

trying to get back here.

Mm-hmm. Well, I don't think

you're going to have
that problem, honey,

because, you see,

the curfew in this
house is 10:00 on a...

10:00? Ooh. Yes, a 10:00 curfew.

That's early. Huh?

You see, sir,

this party has been in
the works for a long time.

These people
expect me to be there.

I'm in charge of refreshments.

I'm sure you can make
an exception this one time.

Here's a pad and pencil.

I want you to take
down some rules here.

10:00 weekday is the curfew.

Midnight on the weekends.

Now, is this still
a lovely office?

♪♪ [clarinet on TV]

Go back, Victoria. He loves you!

No. No, go with the guy
with the money and the job.

He doesn't have a job.

His parents are rich.

That's a job. That's a good job.

But Edmond loves her.

Eh, it don't matter.

In the next scene he
falls in love with Priscilla.

That two-timer. Mm-hmm.

I can't watch any more of this.

These people never listen to us.

Want any juice?

No, thanks.

Okay.

[doorbell rings]

Eh, Smooch! Surprise!

Lance, Charmaine,
what are you doing here?

Well, we felt bad you
couldn't make it tonight,

so we thought we'd come hang
with you before we go to the party.

So you gonna let us in?

Okay, for a minute,
but you can't stay.

Why? Are your people here?

Lance, I told you we
should've called first.

And I told you I
didn't have a quarter.

No, no, they're out visiting.

Lance, what did I tell
you about this place?

Come in. Robin Leech?

Homegirl done hooked
up with the rich and famous.

Now, this is real tasteful.

You got a lot of French
things in here, is that right?

Hey, it's a house...

with a stack of rules,
and one of them is

if you don't touch
it, it won't break.

Since when you
so hooked on rules?

Slide, just because
my mother was working

didn't mean I didn't have rules.

Well, is it okay if
we sit down, Pam?

Of course, if you don't want us to,
we can just stand here like we are.

Okay, sit down.

What is this?

It's a candy dish.

Where's the candy?

They don't eat
candy in this house.

Then what they need a dish for?

They don't have to have candy.

For people with money, a
dish can stand on its own.

So you gonna offer us
something to drink or what?

Whatcha want?

Whatcha got? Water.

Y'all don't have no
cran-apple juice?

This definitely
looks like a house

that got some
cran-apple juice in it.

No, Lance.

And would you please
put that candy dish down?

I mean, this ain't my
place, these ain't my things.

No, they're not.

I'm used to fine things
myself, so I know how to act.

Yeah, we know how to act.

It's just that these
Huxtable people

are too intense.

Seem to me like they
need a little more bran.

More bran!

Lance, you're too bad.

So come to the party
with us, Smooch.

Yeah, just stick some
pillows under your covers.

They'll never even
know you was gone.

Oh, come on, now.
Leave the girl alone.

You gonna get her in trouble.

And don't you worry, Pam.

If he so much as look
at Shaniqua Watkins,

girl, I promise
you, I will clock him.

You didn't tell me

Shaniqua Watkins
was going to be there.

Hey, you know I wouldn't
make a play for Shaniqua.

I know you won't...
'cause I'll be there.

Let's go.

[laughing] Yes... Oh.

Good evening, Cousin
Clair, Cousin Cliff.

These are my friends,

Arthur, Lance, and Charmaine.

They were just leaving.

Looks like you were
leaving with them.

Actually, you know that
party I was talking about?

I was just gonna pop
up there real quick,

pay my respects to a few people,

and come right back.

It's 9:00.

So you... you're going
to go out to the Bronx

and come back here in an hour?

How are you going to do that?

The D Train.

It's an express.

Sure, it is.

Okay.

The truth is I was
going to break curfew

and take my punishment.

Come here.

Come here.

How do you know
what that punishment is?

Did Rudy tell you about that
machine in the basement?

[mouthing words]

Pam, we don't arbitrarily
break rules in this house.

And punishment is a
last resort, not a choice.

Excuse me, Mrs. Huxtable?

It wasn't Pam's fault.
She didn't even want to go.

I talked her into it.

Well, then, you must not
be too much of a friend.

Yeah, I care for her a lot.

I don't think so, because
people you care for,

you look after them.

Dr. Huxtable, it's
not all on Slide.

I have a mind of my own.

Then you'd better
start using it.

Guess you guys better go.

Okay. But before we go,
I'd just like to apologize.

We didn't mean to... Yeah, we
didn't mean to get Pam in any trouble.

We just get a little impetuous.

No hard feelings?

Look, Pam, you
cannot go to the party,

but your friends
are welcome to stay.

You guys wanna
stay a little while?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

So maybe we can offer your
friends some refreshment?

Well, she already did.

She offered us some
of your very nice water.

[laughs]

We can do better than
that, can't we, Pam?

Y'all hungry?

Well, I can be
cajoled into a snack,

if it's not too much trouble.

Come on, Cliff, we...

I think we got some
cran-apple juice.

Hello. Hey! How you doing?

Sit down.

I'd like to thank
you, Cousin Cliff,

for making my
friends feel welcome.

Hey, listen, this is your home.

I told you that. Be comfortable.

Yeah.

You know, Cousin
Cliff, it might be hard

remembering all
those rules you got.

I might have a lapse
every once in a while.

Don't worry about the
lapse. I have five children.

We've had to un-lapse
them a whole lot of times.

Glad we got that all cleared up.

Yeah.

Tea looks good.

Yeah, but tea is tea is tea.

This... This tea is...

There's just something missing.

I can't put my hand on
it, you know what I mean?

I think I have just the thing.

Just can't put my...

What is it?

You see, now I can
put my hand on it.

♪♪ [theme]

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