The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 10 - It's a Boy - full transcript

There she is.

I just wanna say
that I'm privileged

to be in the same
kitchen with my friend,

Miss Brains of Brooklyn.

Charmaine, please.

You were really
sizzling in class today,

I was about to call the fire
department to put you out.

Charmaine... When called on,

my girlfriend sat up

and in a clear and I-know-what-I'm-
talking-about voice said...

that the first American in space
was Mr. Alan B. Shepherd, Jr.



On May 5, 1961.

And the beauty of it was,

this came right after
a poor, unprepared,

but impeccably attired

Shanika Watkins, who said that
the first American in space was

Mr. George Jetson!

Girl, the way you
been in school lately,

your mama would
be so proud of you.

Shoot, but it ain't doing
much for my social life.

Are you talkin' about Sly?

Lemme tell you, you picked up

some good habits, and
you dropped a bad one.

That's right.

Shoot, him bringing
me down the way he did,



wanting me to cut class

and asking me to hang out
after school instead of studying,

and then having the nerve
to ask me to do his homework.

You did the right
thing. Les tried that, too,

and I told him, "You better bring
something to the table besides

your good looks, or else you
gonna have to find another table."

Well, you right.
I know I'm right.

'Cause it's your table, and it's
time for you to tell somebody else

to pull up a chair. You hear
what I'm saying, girlfriend?

Circulate.

Go out and meet somebody.

Like who?

Well, isn't there anybody
who makes your boat float?

Somebody who
makes your liver quiver?

Well, I suppose I
could be interested

in that new boy in
school, Aaron Dexter.

Stop the madness! Aaron Dexter!

Mm-hmm.

Now, girlfriend, don't
let them two questions

you answered today
go to your head.

That boy's intellectual.

You can tell, 'cause he
got a lot of keys on his belt.

Keys?

Haven't you noticed smart boys

always carry a lot of keys.

I think you better
forget about this one.

Why? I thought I was
the "brains of Brooklyn."

Well, you are.

But he has a mind that's global.

Yours is just local.

All I said is I was interested.

I didn't say I was ready to
go start chasing after him.

Well, why not?

I mean, if my girlfriend
wants to aim at a high target,

why shouldn't I help her hit it?

Come on, girl. Let's
go snag you a smarty.

Uh, Bernice. Don't be nervous.

I'm not, Alfred.

Good.

'Cause a 42-year-old
woman having a baby...

42.

Not so many years ago,
that's how long a person lived.

Shut up, Alfred.

Sorry, dear, just
a little on edge.

Look, relax, sweetheart.

I'm sure that the results
from the amniocentesis

are going to be just fine.

Ohh...

Honey? Aren't you curious

about what we're going to have?

Oh, you know it
doesn't matter to me.

Yeah, I know.

But we have a little girl.

Wouldn't it be nice if
Laurie had a little brother?

Bernice, as long as
the baby is healthy,

I'm a happy daddy.

Alfred, Bernice.

How you doing?

Uh, I guess we're
a little nervous.

Listen, she's going to be fine.

The results of the
amnio, the baby's just fine.

Oh...

Okay? Now, you wanna
know what you're having?

Yes.

No.

Cliff... whatever we have

we will love as much
as we love Laurie.

Well, I want to know.

Well, All right, dear,

if it's important to you.

What are we having?

It's a boy.

Oh. A boy.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

There he is, Pam.

I see him.

Well, don't just stand
there growing roots.

Go on over there
and talk to the boy.

No, no. I'm just going
to wait 'til he sees me,

and then that's when
I make my move.

Well, he's reading. How
is he going to see you?

Oh, he's looking at you.

Will you look at him?

Make eye contact.

Oh, now you waited too long,

'cause now he's
not looking at you.

You slow, you go.

I know what I'm doing.

You may now what you
doing, but you takin' all day.

Excuse me.

Hi, Aaron.

My name is Charmaine.

Would you look at
my friend, please?

Huh?

Look, just look in
her general direction.

This girl gets on my last nerve.

Uh, would you come
with me, please?

Aaron, this is Pam.

Pam, this is Aaron.

Oh, I just remembered.

I have to go buy a
leg-of-lamb for my mama.

Y'all have a nice chit-chat.

Ciao.

Hi. Hi.

Is this seat taken?

If you sit down.

Well, nice meeting
you. Um, wait!

Um... What?

Uh, have you ever read Henry V?

Yeah! Yeah, I read
it a long time ago.

Oh! Well, I'm reading it now.

What a coincidence.

How far are you?

Oh, I'm... here.

Oh, I see. You've passed
the Battle of Agincourt,

where Henry tries
to woo Catherine.

Yes. Yes, I passed that.

Isn't it funny?

He doesn't speak French,
she doesn't speak English.

Do you speak French?

I do a little. Actually, a lot.

Not because I'm smart.
I just studied it in school.

Anybody can do that. It's not
like I'm the smartest guy in class.

You're not? No.

There are at least four
other people smarter than me.

Well, maybe three.

Am I talking too much?
Yeah, I better shut up.

I'll ferme la bouche. I'll
shut up in two languages.

No. No, no, that's all right.

I like to... hear you talk.

You do?

No, really? Mm-hmm.

I think I'll leave you
to your Shakespeare.

You have to concentrate
with Shakespeare.

I'm a Shakespeare
buff, but that's irrelevant.

I hope you're enjoying it.

Well, um, actually,

it's kind of hard to understand.

You want me to help you with it?

Would you?

Well, as long as I'm here.

Okay.

"When I come to woo
the ladies, I fright them.

"But in faith, Kate,
the elder I wax,

the better I shall appear."

That means she's
seeing him at his worst,

but the longer she knows him,

the better he gets.

Mmhh!

Right.

Right.

Yes?

Alfred Phelps would like
to see you, Dr. Huxtable.

Okay, send him in.

I can't do it, Cliff.

I can't have a son.

You don't have to. Your
wife's going to do that.

No, no, no, no.

What I mean is,

yesterday, I was having a boy.

Today, I'm having a son.

I don't understand
the difference.

A son is a son!

Right. Do you know
what that means?

It means we have
to do sports together.

Like, uh, like baseball.

Have you ever seen
me swing a baseball bat?

Cliff, in my entire Little
League career, I got two hits.

One in the neck,
and one in the back.

Yeah, but Alfred, you
have a great mind for sports.

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

I got a great mind for sports,

but not the body.

How am I going
to relate to my son?

Now, you're always talking

about how you and Theo

like to run and jump
and play together.

Go to any park in the
country, what do you see?

Boys playing with their fathers,

throwing the old ball around,

shagging flies.

You don't see them reading
the Financial Times to each other

or doing the multiplication
tables together.

Cliff, I just have
no co-ordination.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

You gotta do something.

Yep.

Now, you dribble.

I'm gonna dribble.

Just dribble.

Dribble.

That's fine.

Fine? What are you
talking about, fine?

Listen to me. That's fine.

It's fantastic.

We're talking about
you dribbled around me.

Now, you're gonna
work with your son.

Your son'll be,

maybe, three,
four years old, Al.

So, what's the kid
gonna do? Not dribble.

Sit down.

The two of you are
going to be doing like this.

This is all you're going to do.

See?

Yeah.

See? That's it.

I can do this. This I can do.

All right. Now, this kid's
gonna think you're great.

He's gonna go, "Daddy...

See, and then
you're gonna get up,

and you're going to be a hero.

All right?

Now, the next thing is...

Go ahead, take your shot.

Take your shot. All
right, I'll take a shot.

Go ahead.

Fantastic!

Fantastic!

What are you talking about?

That was terrible!

No, no, no, no, no.

You hit the backboard.

Don't forget... the kid is here.

Now the kid goes like this.

He's going to think

that you are the
strongest person

ever in the world.

Show it again.

Hit the backboard.

Go ahead. Hit the
backboard. Hit it.

Oh, fantastic!

Yes!

Yeah!

Kick it!

Go!

Kick it!

Yes!

Go!

Kick it.

Oh, football? I didn't
know you liked football.

I love football!

Oh! When I grow up,

I wanna be a football player.

I thought you
wanted to be a doctor.

I do. I want to be a doctor
and a football player.

Is there a problem?

No, it's just that,

I mean, when are you going to
find time to see your patients?

During the week.

They only play football
on the weekends.

I thought you knew football.

Yeah, well, I... I do.

Okay, do it.

And I'm going to
have a nickname, too.

Oh, yeah? What is it?

Doctor Crusher!

Doctor Crusher?

Middle linebacker!

Middle linebacker?
Why middle linebacker?

'Cause I wanna be in
the middle of everything.

I see!

So don't call me "Pee-Wee"

or "Pud" anymore!

From now on, "Doctor Crusher"!

Doctor Crusher!

Middle linebacker!

Doctor Crusher!
Middle linebacker!

Yeah, I understand.

That is I!

Doctor Crusher!
Middle linebacker.

A lot of people didn't expect
me to be a good athlete,

but when I made the basketball
team, I proved them wrong.

And I'd still be on the team,
except I got a "B" in chemistry.

That's why my
father made me quit.

If I got a "B" in
chemistry, I'd ask for a car.

Well, that's my dad.
He's proud of me.

But he's very tense
about my future.

He wants me to get
into a good school.

Morehouse!

Yeah.

Well, I... guess I
better get going.

Well, um... you
have a lot of keys.

You know, my
friend says that boys

who have a lot of
keys are really smart.

Well, I'm not smart.

But I do have a lot of keys,

but that's because
I need these keys

to organize my life.

See, this key is for
my locker at school,

and these keys are for
my grandmother's house.

I check on her after school.
She's... She's kind of old.

Oh, that's sweet.

And... And this
key is for my closet.

I have a nosy little brother.

Now, these keys... I can't
remember what these keys are for,

but I'm afraid to get rid of
them in case I do remember

and I can't get
in wherever it is.

And, uh, these are for my job.

You work, too? Mm-hmm.

Where?

The Bike Shop.

I fix bikes.

I ride them, too.

Next month, I'm riding
in the Bike-a-Thon.

You must be pretty good.

Yeah. You should
see me on a bike.

I'm smooth, I'm sleek.

I'm a comet.

Would you like to
go biking with me?

Um, I'm not really good at that.

I'll... I'll show you.

Next Sunday?

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Great! Great!

Okay.

This is a date, right?

I mean, or... it...
it could be a date.

I mean, it's sort
of like a date.

It's like... Aaron, Aaron.

It's a date, okay?

Whoops. Ooh! Watch yourself!

Just my sympathetic
nervous system again,

which is stimulating
my adrenal gland.

Just happened to know that.

Yeah, I know. You
read it somewhere.

Well...

Good night, Pam.

Good night.

Ooh, yes!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Lofting an egg up to
somebody on a ladder.

Lofting an egg...

A little too far on the loft.

Hey. Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Trying to loft an
egg up to some...

Yes!

All right!

All... right, Bernice!

Where did you learn that?

I was point guard for
my high school team.

Well, you still have it.

Thanks. All right!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm just playing
a little basketball.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm the one playing
basketball, not you.

You're pregnant. Mmm.

You should be resting
somewhere with your feet up.

Besides, our son will
expect me to teach him

the rudiments of the
game, not his mother.

Why? My mother taught me.

You had a very unusual
childhood, Bernice,

I've always said that.

I could teach you.

No offense, sweetheart,

but I don't want to play
basketball like a girl.

Are you saying that men play
basketball better than women?

Bernice, I saw
you with that ball.

Hey! You're pretty slick!

Claire, did you hear
my husband say

that men play basketball
better than women?

What did my husband say?

All I said was, "Loft the egg
up to somebody on the ladder."

That's all I said.

Come on, Claire.

How about a little two-on-two

with me and my pal, here?

Alfred, don't be ridiculous.

Your ball out. Let's do it.

Now, don't worry, pal.
I'm right behind you.

But you gotta... You
gotta guard Bernice.

No, no. No.

The husband will guard the wife.

Are you serious?

Come on. Get
outta here. Come on.

Come on! I can take the ball...

Wait a minute! No!

Huh! Huh! Oh!

Yes!

Yes! All right!

Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

Ta-ta.

Okay. Now, we gotta
work on your defense.

Yes!

All right! Hah!

Hah! Looking pretty good.

Now, how many is that?

Well, let's see. If you count
all the shots I made today, I'm...

Right now, I'm
approximately 1 for 30.

But, hey, let's just say
the first 29 were warm-ups

and this is the one
that really counted.

Thanks, Theo.

Well, your father
says if I improve,

someday I may impress
a five-year-old boy.

Oh, Mr. Phelps,
your son's not going

to be impressed with that.

When I was five, I
was more impressed

my dad could drive a car.

Theo, uh...

you mean I shouldn't
be doing this?

No, that... that's
cool and everything,

but I was never
impressed with how good

a ball player my dad was.

You weren't? No.

What I do remember.

The first time
we played football

and I fell and I scraped
my knee and I started crying,

Dad picked me up,
took me in the house.

He cleaned up my knee,
put a Band-Aid on it...

dried my tears,
and gave me a hug,

and he said, "Hey,
everything is going to be okay."

Now, those are the
things that I remember.

I'll tell you one thing.

As I got older and
realized I could beat him

at certain sports, I
started to let him win.

Theo?

Your mother says to
bring in the groceries

before the ice cream melts.

Okay, thanks.

See you later, Mr. Phelps.
Yeah, see you, Theo.

Oh, and Theo?

Thanks.

You got it.

Can I play with you?

Well, sure.

This really isn't my game.

My game is football.

Would you like
to shoot the ball?

No, you can go first.

Thanks.

Whoa!

That was great! You
hit the backboard!

That's right.

And someday, you'll
be good enough

to hit the backboard, too.

It's your turn.

Listen. Hey.

Alfred went out here
acting like he's so happy

he's going to have a son
and he knows what to do.

I mean, what were you
talking about out here?

Oh, you know. Life, philosophy,

and the psychology of parenting.

Oh, really, Mr. Psychologist?

I mean, pardon me,
Dr. Psychologist?

So, I mean, you set
him straight, huh?

Well, he walked out of
here happy, didn't he?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Dad, let me
ask you a question.

When I was little, when
we used to run track,

you used to let me win
all the time, didn't you?

Sure, sure.

I wanted you to
build your confidence.

Well, I appreciate that. Yeah.

But you know, as I got older,

I started doing the
same thing for you.

I think you better go
someplace and find the truth.

No, I'm serious! Yeah, you...

I can beat you!

I could beat long before I
let you know I could. Really?

But I didn't want you
to get too concerned

about getting too old.

Getting too old?

Uh, we could go out
on the track, run a 400,

and I guarantee you,
you'll see my back.

And at that 300 mark,

I'll be getting
smaller and smaller.

All right. Hmm?

We can go now. You want to?

Yeah. No, we... we can't,

because your mother's got a cake

and we have to eat that.

We have to eat
that, so we can't...

We can't go right now.

All right, so you're
saved by Mom.

So, but... We can
go after dinner.

No, we can't go after dinner

with the cake sitting up here.

Well, how about
if we go tomorrow?

No, tomorrow I can't. I can't.

I've got patients tomorrow.

Got patients.

What about, uh... Saturday?

No, I gotta go to the museum.

Oh, well, then, you
won't want to run.

♪♪

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