The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 7, Episode 11 - Clair's Liberation - full transcript

♪♪

Listen, you guys
stay right here.

Your dinner's almost
ready, all right?

Don't move, you guys.

Stay right there.

Don't move.

Well, look who's here.

Frick and Frack.

Come to dinner, huh?

Well, I want my
kiss and my hug now.

Give me my kiss.



Hey, you. Give me a hug.

How you doing, man?

How you doing?

Aw, your cups are empty.

I'll fill them for you, okay?

What do you want?

Water, milk, or juice?

Juice. Juice?

Don't move.

Oh, those twins.

I could just eat them up.

Cousin Clair, if you want,

I could baby-sit the
twins tomorrow night.

I don't have any plans.



Oh, thanks, Pam,
but that's all right.

I want to spend as much time
with them as I possibly can.

Hey, Mom, the twins are
old enough to eat corn, right?

Yeah, but you have
to take it off the cob.

Oh, man, I knew we
should have made peas.

Hi, Mom. Hi!

So how'd your doctor's
appointment go?

Oh, I am healthy, I
am in great shape,

and I'm beginning menopause.

Uh, do you want
me to leave the room

so you guys can talk about that?

He's so silly.

It's just a part of life.

Wow. She sure is
taking it pretty well.

Yeah, she seems
almost happy with it.

No, no, Mom is just
putting up a brave front.

Got to be.

This is just the calm
before the storm.

That's right.

I have read magazine articles.

There have been cases where
women have cried so much,

they had to have
surgery on their tear ducts.

Vanessa, Mom is not a crier.

Well, I guess you're right.

We should be more
concerned with the state

of confusion she's gonna be in.

That's right.

State of confusion?
Come on, you guys.

Mrs. Peabody from
around the corner?

Whatever happened to her?

I haven't seen
her in a long time.

Well, from what I understand,

one day it just hit her.

The poor woman got up one day

and couldn't
decide what to wear.

A simple thing
like a skirt or a suit,

a black sweater
or a red sweater,

flats or pumps?

Finally, she got so flustered,

she just threw on a housecoat

and never left the house again.

That's so sad.

But true.

Don't forget about
the hot flashes.

Hey, now, I heard about those.

That's right.

The lady that owned
the tropical fish store

in my neighborhood got them.

Yeah, she used to
leave the air conditioner

on high all winter.

Kept all the doors open.

The fish froze.

That's so sad.

It's true.

She had to move to Alaska.

Well, you know,
women also pass out

when they go through it.

Now, from what I heard
about Cockroach's mother,

her husband stopped
taking her places

because she kept
passing out in public.

Everybody at church thought
she got the Holy Ghost.

Well, I think I know what
Mom is going to miss the most.

You know, she can't
have any more children.

I don't think Mom
wanted more children.

Yeah, Theo, but still.

She was always such
a strong, vital woman.

Yeah, she was, wasn't she?

I haven't been here that long,

but she was
always vital with me.

Theo, is the twins'
dinner ready?

Uh, yeah, Mom. Okay, good.

I'll just get these in place,

and then I'll bring
in the dinner guests.

Whoa, these things
are pretty heavy.

How could she lift both of
them up at the same time?

People under stress often
have extraordinary strength.

That's what happens to
women in this stage of life.

Menopause. Menopause.

Hey, Charmaine.
How you doing, Lance?

Oh, don't disturb him,
he's focused on victory.

We shouldn't even be talking.

Slam! My game!

Bro, I'm a little off today.

Otherwise, it'd be
a different story.

Oh, don't feel bad, big fella.

It's faith.

See, when it comes to ping pong,

I'm the ping, and
you're the pong.

Anybody else want to get ponged?

Oh, Lance, come on over
here and stop profiling.

Excuse me.

What's up, Pam?

Hey, how you doing?

So, Lance, do we have
plans for Saturday night?

What are you talking about?

Of course we do.

That's when we
rendezvous for our evening

of culture and enlightenment.

You mean in my
house in front of the TV?

Why don't we do something
different for a change?

Why, your TV broke?

No! I just want to do
something outside.

Like what?

Like... ice skate.

Love to, baby, but I don't think

the weather man is
going to cooperate.

See, he has assured
me that it's gonna rain.

I know how delicate you are.

See, I don't want
you to catch a cold.

Plus, sugar melts in the rain.

Oh, Lance, you're so sensitive.

Yes, I am.

Pam?

I was wondering if you
were busy this Saturday night.

Not that you wouldn't
be. It's kind of late and...

Aaron, I'm free.
Aaron, I'm free!

Oh, good! Good!

Because I've been reading
up on our neighborhood,

and there are many
historical houses there.

I thought it would be nice

if you and I took a
moonlit walk and tour.

Aaron, that's a wonderful idea.

Thank you.

Not on Saturday.
It's gonna rain.

Oh, no, I checked
the weather forecast.

It's gonna be 48 degrees,

unseasonably warm for
this time of year and clear.

You hear that, Lance?

His weather man
says it's gonna be clear.

Pam, I was looking at
your key ring the other day,

and I couldn't help but notice

that the clasp was kind of weak,

and I don't want
you to lose your keys.

That's why I got you this.

Actually, I made it.

It's no big deal.

I kind of read up
on how to do it.

It's just some simple
handcrafted leather tooling.

The process has been
around for centuries.

Aaron, it's beautiful.

Ain't nothing wrong
with your key ring!

"To Kate from Henry V."

You probably forgot.

You were reading
Henry V when we first...

I remember.

What? Kate? I mean,
that ain't even her name!

Look, Lance, I have to go,

but I just want
to say one thing.

On Saturday night,

if I am sitting at home
in front of my television,

I'll be sitting there alone.

Hey! I said I would walk.

I'm the original walk man!

I can walk...

Gosh, I just put them to bed,

and I miss Winnie
and Nelson already.

I'm sure you do,
Mom. It'll be all right.

Yes, it will.

Isn't it hot in here?

Oh, yeah! Whoo!

And no wonder. Who turned
this thing up to 82 degrees?

Mom, why don't you relax?

Theo and I are making dinner.

There's no sense troubling you.

Well, thank you, Vanessa.

That's very nice, but at least

I could dress
the salad, darling.

Now, let's see.

Uh, French.

We haven't had
this in a long time.

But then poppy seed
is rather nice, too.

Of course, the last
time we had this,

your father was not thrilled.

But then Rudy
doesn't like French.

Mom, why don't we have both?

Hey, yeah, that'll
be a delicious blend.

Sounds great, Mom.

That way you don't
have to confuse yourself.

Confuse myself?

Hey, Theo. Hey, Vanessa.

Hello, Cousin Clair.

Hi, Pam.

Is the offer still good
for Saturday night?

Oh, well, actually,
I did make a date,

but let me break it.
I'll be happy to break it.

No, you don't have to do that.

Are you sure? I don't
want to upset you.

Not gonna upset me.

No, no, I'll break it.

Well, now, that would upset me.

I definitely don't
want to do that.

What was I doing?

Oh, yes! That's
right, the salad.

Taken care of, Mom.

Okay, then I'll warm these buns.

Taken care of.

Mom, why don't you just relax?

All right.

Okay, I'll do that.

I'll do just that.

Cliff. Mmm?

There are three
idiots in the kitchen.

You have to be more specific.

Vanessa, Theo, and Pam.

I made the mistake
of telling them

that I was beginning menopause,

and they're treating me like
I have one foot in the home.

Now I'm serious.

I went into the kitchen.

There were three burners
on, the oven was on.

The thermostat had been
turned up to 82 degrees,

and they thought I
was having hot flashes.

So they're pulling
out all the clichés.

You should have heard
the way they talked to me.

Yeah.

Like my mind was on vacation.

You want to have some fun?

Now, I'll be right behind you.

All right, just in
time for dinner.

Okay.

It's turkey burgers all around.

Oh, turkey burgers!

Please put one on my plate.

Sure.

Excuse my hands.

Now, what shall I put on it?

Well, why don't you put
some mustard on it, sweetie?

Don't patronize me!

I know what I want.

I want... I want the red stuff.

Mom, it's ketchup.

Theo.

It's red stuff.

Get me a glass of water, Rudy!

Oh, Mom, I'm Vanessa.

Whoever you are, get
me a glass of water!

Put some ice in it!

Okay.

No, never mind!
Forget the water!

Just bring the ice, lots of ice!

Pam, wet a towel.

Coming right up.

Oh, forget it.

Get out of my way, please!

This is so much better!

Would you get me some ice cream

while you're in there, please?

Have you lost your mind?

Ice cream would
melt in this room!

A person could
burn up in this room!

Never mind, let's just
get through this dinner!

Now, where is Rudy?

M-Mom, don't you remember?

Denise took her and
Olivia out to dinner.

And who is Denise?

Oh, that's right.

That's the child's sister.

Yo, Mom, would
you like some corn?

I was hoping we'd have carrots.

I'll fix you some carrots, Mom!

It's just too
late! It's too late!

No, I wanted something orange!

Please, please.

Why didn't you fix some carrots?

Children are not worth
a nickel around here!

I can't stop crying!

We'll do something
orange tomorrow.

Mom, don't worry.

They have tear duct
specialists for this.

No!

My tear ducts are fine!

It's my children
who are so stupid!

Gotcha!

Oh!

Hey!

Any babies today?

No, no babies today, dear,

but yesterday...
Boom! An explosion.

I mean they were
coming left and right,

and Dr. Huxtable
was catching them all.

Zam, boom, zoom,
send 'em out, Zam, zoom.

When I grow up,

I want to have lots of babies.

Yeah? Really?
How many you think?

Nine! Nine?

All girls.

Not one boy?

Nah, no boys. No way.

Oh, now wait a minute.

Now what's wrong with boys?

Boys are bad news.

They push you and
they pull your hair.

They make a lot of
noise when they eat, too.

They have little
things in their teeth

and look up like this.

Yeah.

Is there one bad
one in particular?

Yes. Jonathan.

He's the worst.

Whenever I look at him,

he makes an ugly
monster face like this.

No, don't do that.

That's enough.

Well, you know,
boys have a funny way

of telling you that
they really like you.

He's probably doing
that because he likes you.

Are you kidding? He hates girls.

Okay. I believe you.

But now you
gonna have all girls?

Yes! All nine!

What are you going to name them?

One Olivia, Two Olivia,

Three Olivia, Four Olivia,

Five Olivia, Six Olivia,

Seven Olivia, Eight
Olivia, Nine Olivia!

Nine Olivias?

Okay, now suppose
you want a certain Olivia.

Mm-hmm.

How would you call that Olivia?

Olivia! One Olivia!

I just need One Olivia!

Oh!

So then you say Five Olivia,

and Five Olivia will come.

Yeah!

There's no confusion.

Yeah.

What were you
doing when I came in?

Well, coloring.

I see.

Well, I want to color, too.

Aah!

Then he returned
here after the Civil War.

People say you can still hear

his spirit playing the bugle.

I never knew this neighborhood

was so historical.

Me, either.

I like walks like this.

It's entertaining
and educational.

And very economical.

Speak for yourself, boy.

When it comes to my lady,

money is no object.

It's no subject, either.

Isn't it a beautiful night?

That's the Big Dipper up there,

which is part of the Ursa Major.

That's Latin for big bear.

Ursa Major.

What a pretty name.

Ah, see that star
right there, baby?

Which one?

The cute one, see?

I'm gonna name
that one after you.

Oh, Lance.

To the man that was
in the evening made,

stars gave their first delight.

Admiring in the gloomy shade

those little drops of light.

Oh, Aaron, that was beautiful.

It's so appropriate.

The stars at night...

are big and bright...

deep in the heart of Texas.

Nice try, baby.

Nights like this, you
don't want to go inside.

Maybe we should
finish our walking tour.

There's three more
buildings I want to show you.

There's three more
buildings I want to see.

Ah, you guys go on ahead.

We'll catch up.

I got something I want
to say to Charmaine.

What?

Sit down.

Please.

Here, I made it for you.

Aw, Lance, a heart-shaped box.

Yeah, it's for your keepsakes

and your earrings and stuff.

Go ahead. Open it up.

What's this?

It's the key to my heart.

Oh, Lance.

Now don't lose it,

because on Monday
I'm gonna need it.

That's also the key
to my gym locker.

Well, what are
you doing still up?

Waiting for you.

I'll just be a little innocent
lamb led to slaughter again.

I was over to the
hospital gift shop,

and I saw these.

I really didn't know
which one to give you.

Happy Graduation.

Mm-hmm.

"Congratulations
on your promotion"?

Yes.

"Thanks for the lovely time."

That's for tomorrow morning.

You are so sweet!

Yeah, thank you, honey.

Feel all right?

I really do.

I feel fine.

Well, look.

You know, there are
times in a person's life

when, well, it's just the
end of something and...

You know, when I was at Hillman,

it was the last football game,

and I went in for the
game to get dressed,

and I knew it was the last game.

I knew I would never
play football again.

The feeling, the
emotion would well up,

and I would fight it back.

I put on my shoulder pads,

and it just started to
get heavier and heavier.

I put my jersey
on, and I sat down.

I just couldn't hold it
back anymore, honey.

I just started to cry.

Just tears just
falling into my helmet.

Really? You cried
in your helmet?

Yes.

So now you know how I feel?

Well, yes.

I'm just saying that, you know,

in everybody's life,
you run out of options.

Oh, you run out of options?

Yeah.

What I'm trying to say, dear,

is that, for instance,

I, at my age, can no
longer apply for a job

as a fireman or an astronaut.

I mean, those applications say,

"Men aged 35 need not apply."

I mean, that's it for me.

I am too old to be drafted

or accepted in the
armed services.

I can't go to war, Clair.

You want to go to war?

No, no, I don't
want to go to war.

What I'm saying, honey,

is I don't have those
options anymore.

Are you comparing
bringing life into this world

to playing football,
to becoming a fireman

or a pilot, or going to war?

Do you see
anything at all strange

with that comparison?

I know that you're
getting angry,

because when you get
angry, you say "Anything."

I don't want you to
anything right now.

All I'm saying is that a
woman can have babies

longer than a man
can play football.

Go to sleep, Cliff,

because you're
going to need a helmet

if you keep this up.

Well, I know how you feel,

and I know exactly

the fact that I have failed

in trying to express
my feelings,

but I'm sorry, my dear.

I do have another option,

and I'm going to
exercise it right now.

Come on, Cliff, stop it!

♪♪

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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