The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 25 - Live and Learn - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

Dad?

Yeah, puddin'.

- I can't go to Amy's party.
- Why not?

One of my ears is
bigger than the other one.

Which one?

This one.

Compared to the
other one, this is huge.

Can't you see it?

Yeah, it is. Just... But it's just
a smidgen bit bigger, that's all.



I knew it.

Well, wait a minute, though, honey.
The body isn't perfectly symmetrical.

I mean, some people have the
right leg longer than the left leg,

the right arm longer
than the left arm.

And besides, I look at you,
and I can't tell the difference.

That's because you
see me all the time.

When someone else meets me,

they're going to say, "Who's
that girl with one big ear?"

I can't go to Amy's party.
People will stare at me.

If you're worried about it, there
are certain things you can do.

You can go around...
You can get a beret.

Pull the beret all the way
over the one ear, you know.

Or you could take this
hand and be very intellectual.

Dad, this is a serious problem.



Can you please
act like an adult?

Okay.

Then, as an adult, I will tell
you that I don't see the difference.

Okay?

And as an adult,
I will also tell you

that what you are is more important
than what your two ears look like.

Look at my face. My face
is not perfectly symmetrical.

You see?

Whoa, Dad, you're right.

- What?
- Nothing.

If you see something,
say it. What is it?

Oh, nothing.

Hey.

What are you looking
at? Look at my face.

Is my face, uh,
perfectly handsome?

Oh, absolutely. Oh, thank you.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

But let me ask you a question.

If... Let's say you
didn't know me.

Let's say you didn't
know me, okay?

And you were in the supermarket
and I was in the supermarket,

and I saw you and you saw me,

would you come over to me

and say, you know... things?

No.

Why?

I wouldn't just walk up to some strange
man in the supermarket and start talking.

Oh, okay. Okay,
okay, okay. Okay.

So... So that's
right, absolutely.

Okay. So let's say you're
over at the thing, you know,

and I pushed my cart and
I rub up against your cart.

What would you say to me?

I would say that the supermarket
is the place to meet you

because you're
fresh and... ripe.

And would you...

take me home and squeeze me?

[both giggling]

[Clair] You're so silly.

[Cliff] Hey.

Hey. Rebecca Shorter might
be a good schoolteacher,

but she has no idea
what she's talking about.

Well, who is Rebecca Shorter?

Rebecca Shorter, she's a friend of
mine who teaches elementary school.

She was telling me that
Medger Evers College

would be the perfect
school for me to go to

to get my teaching degree and
all I needed... blah, blah, blah.

So I forget about
Columbia. I drop everything.

And these people at
this school act like they

don't even want
students to enroll there.

I go down to sign up
for the fall semester,

and they tell me I have to show them
my transcript from Hillman, so I do,

and can you believe these people only
want to give me credit for one course?

Which one?

Archery. It had to be archery.

Come on. I passed a
lot of courses at Hillman.

No, but at Medger Evers, they tell me that
if you've transferred from another school,

they can't accept any
grade lower than a C.

That's totally unfair!

I mean, what is a D?
I mean, a D is 70%.

If I had 70% of a
pie... [Cliff] Right.

That's a lot of pie!

May... May I see
the transcript, please?

Dad, it hasn't changed
since the last time you saw it.

I'm sorry. I was just hoping.

One C, five D's, and
seven I's for incomplete,

and the C was in archery.

Okay, okay. So I called Hillman about
those incompletes, and I said I'd fly down

to take tests, write papers,
whatever they wanted

to make those incompletes up.

And what do they say? I've let too
much time pass, they can't let me do that.

What do these people want from me?
Don't they know I want to be a teacher?

So what you're saying, Denise, is
that if you enter Medger Evers College,

you'll be starting
as a freshman?

Yes!

And... read this.

[sighs, clears throat]

"Thank you for your
interest in Medger Evers

College of the City
University of New York.

"Even though you
received high scores on your

math, reading, and
writing placement exams,

"because of your poor
academic performance at Hillman,

"you will be assigned
two counselors.

"One counselor will assist
you with your academic needs,

and a peer counselor will help
you adjust to your new environment."

You know, I tried to talk them into
giving me more credits for life experience.

Life experience?

Yes, Dad, life experience.

I did go to Africa for a year
as a photographer's assistant.

That should count for something.

And I'm raising a
child. That is a big deal.

I mean, marriage.

That is tremendous
life experience!

And... I'm living at
home with my parents.

You want credit for that?

Dad, yes, absolutely.

I am observing
domestic relationships.

People study that in college.

And I'll tell you
something else.

I should get credit for failing
college and wanting to go back.

Denise, let's
backtrack for a minute.

If memory serves me correctly, you
marched into this living room one day,

informed us that you were
going to become a teacher

as a result of a conversation
you had with Olivia's mother.

Yes.

Not only do you want to teach,

but you want to teach
children with learning problems.

Life experience is a good thing,

but, darling, these people don't need
somebody with life experience only.

They need someone
with special skills.

[sigh]

I can't talk about this anymore.

I have to go pick up
Olivia at her preschool.

But let me just say this, okay?

I think it is totally unfair for someone
who has spent three semesters in college

to have to start all over
again as a freshman.

Don't these people know
that I want to be a teacher?

I mean, this is
what I want to do.

Look at me, I'm enthusiastic.
But do they care? No.

All they care about are C's.

There are hundreds of children
out there who need a good teacher,

and now they're
not going to get one.

Is anyone thinking
about the children?

No, no. All they're thinking about is
what I once was, not what I am now.

And...

And I should be
given credit for that.

See you guys later.

Good Lord.

♪♪ [hip hop]

[rapping] ♪ 1 times 2 is 2 ♪

2!

♪ You got that? ♪

♪ 1 times 3 is 3 ♪

3!

♪ 1 times 4 is 4 ♪
4!

Now you rap. Come on, let's go!

♪ 1 times 5 is 5 ♪
5!

♪ 1 times 6 is 6 ♪
6!

♪ 1 times 7 is 7 ♪
7!

All together!

- ♪ 1 times 8 is 8 ♪
- 8!

You've got it.

♪ 1 times 9 is 9 ♪
9!

- ♪ 1 times 10 is ♪
- 10!

- ♪ 1 times 11 is ♪
- 11!

- ♪ And 1 times 12 is 12 ♪
- 12!

All right, let's do it.

♪ Rap it back ♪

One more time.

♪ Rap it back ♪

All right.

That's all we have time
for today, boys and girls.

Tomorrow we'll do the 2's.

That was great. Hey!

Did you hear me multiplying?

I sure did.

You have to meet Uncle Wilton.

Okay. Hi.

Hello.

Uncle Wilton, this is
my step-mom Denise.

Hello, Denise. Oh, hi.

- I don't know what to call you.
- Uncle Wilton is fine.

I just love what I saw here.

That was amazing seeing
these kids enjoy math.

Math doesn't have to be boring.

I've wanted to teach
Olivia math for a long time.

Well, if you make
it fun, they learn.

Right, Olivia?

♪ 1 times 1 is 1 ♪

♪ 1 times 2 is 2 ♪

Got that? Come on, Denise.

♪ 1 times 3 is 3 ♪

♪ 1 times 4 is 4 ♪

Hi. Hey.

Hi. How was preschool today?

Mom, life is so funny.

You know how I sort of left
here negative and angry?

Who would have thought
going to Olivia's preschool

would have changed
my life completely?

I don't know, honey, but
with you, anything is possible.

Mom, I'm going to be a teacher!

Again?

I'm glad to hear that.

Going to college, huh?

Oh, no. College has
nothing to do with it.

Today I witnessed an
alternative to traditional education.

Olivia, 1's. Hit it.

♪ 1 times 1 is 1 ♪

♪ 1 times 2 is 2 ♪

♪ 1 times 3 is 3 ♪

♪ 1 times 4 is 4 ♪
Okay, sweetie.

♪ 1 times 5 is 5 ♪

Okay, honey.

See? She doesn't even want
to stop. Now, that's learning.

I'm impressed.

- Mommy, can I have a orange?
- Sure.

♪ 1 times 5 is 5,
1 times 6 is 6 ♪

♪ 1 times 7 is 7 ♪

Now you know why I don't
have to go back to college.

This is the kind of
teaching I want to do.

There's a man at her
preschool, Uncle Wilton,

who teaches multiplication
tables by using rap.

You should see how eager
these children were to learn.

Oh, I'm sure you're right.

If I want to do this, I don't
have to work within the system.

I could just get up there and do it.
The kids will have so much fun learning.

Denise, there is no shortcut
to becoming a teacher.

And, honey, if you really
want to work with children,

sooner or later, you're
going to have to go to college.

Mom... you're like a
bucket of cold water.

Every time I come to you with
enthusiasm, you just dump it on me.

All I'm saying is that anything
worth having is worth working for.

There's no easy way.

I'm not looking for an easy way.

You know, I'm
willing to pay my dues.

I'll work 18 hours a day for little
money to learn how to teach this way.

You do not understand
the concept of paying dues.

Paying dues is what you do
after you spend years in school

training and preparing

to work 18 hours a
day for little or nothing,

hoping to get a chance
to do what you want to do.

That is paying dues.

You see?

More cold water.
More cold water.

You know, I should
just do what I want

and stop telling you guys
what it is I'm going to do.

And maybe, when we were
making the decision to have that child,

somebody should have
poured some cold water on Cliff.

[Uncle Wilton, children]
♪ 1 times 11 is 11 ♪

♪ 1 times 12 is 12 ♪

Anyway, you got it.
Right, I got it. Yeah.

So, Rebecca, you should
have seen the children.

They were having so much fun.

I'm a teacher, you know.

I'm in favor of anything
that helps children learn.

You want some juice?

Yeah, apple? Mm-hmm.

You know, I can't help think, if someone
had made learning that exciting for me,

I probably wouldn't have
dropped out of college.

[laughs] Wait a minute.

Are you telling me if your college courses
were all in rap, you would have stayed in?

No, that is not what I'm saying.

I'm saying if someone
had made learning exciting,

I might not have
lost my enthusiasm.

You know, I think this method could
work in the classroom with every subject.

- You do?
- Yeah, like English, history.

I wrote one for history. You
have to hear this. Okay...

♪ Columbus sailed
the ocean blue ♪

♪ In 14 hundred and 92 ♪

♪ When he got to the
shore, he said, "Let's dock" ♪

♪ On the place they
called Plymouth Rock ♪

Thank you very much.

Denise, Columbus sailed
to the Caribbean in 1492.

The Pilgrims landed on
Plymouth Rock in 1620.

Oh.

You know, before you
teach anyone with rap,

I think you're going to have to have
someone teach you the right information.

I was too busy writing the
song to worry about the facts.

I could always
change the lyrics.

The point is, I think this is a
very valid way to teach children,

and this is the way
that I want to go.

I think you should try
this in your classroom.

Denise, I am more than grateful to
Sesame Street and Mister Rogers

and all the television shows
that use music and animation

and clever production techniques
to dazzle children into learning.

But it won't work for me.
I don't sing and dance.

It would be nice if I could get
Madonna and Janet Jackson

to come in and sing about
numbers and letters, but I can't.

I teach in the real world,

and I do it because I love
teaching and I love children.

I love children, too.

My dream is to work with children
who have learning disabilities

so I could find out what's going
on, what's holding them back,

and help them move
past that, you know?

I think Uncle Wilton's
method will work with them.

I don't need college to do that.

And I want to go down there and tell
Uncle Wilton I want to be his apprentice.

- If that's what you want to do.
- Yes, that's what I want to do.

And I want you to come down to
the center and see his technique.

Okay, I'm open. And who knows?

Maybe, you know, once you've
learned this technique of Uncle Wilton's,

you can come in
and give an assembly.

- I'd love to.
- Yeah.

But not on Christopher Columbus.

We can be anything
we want to be.

We can be a square.

♪♪ [drums]

Yeah, good square.

And we can be a triangle.

♪♪ [drums]

Good. Good triangle.

Or we can be the letter T.

♪♪ [drums]

Great T. Great T.

We can also be the letter I.

Oops, forgot to dot
it. Forgot to dot it.

Good I.

That's all for today,
boys and girls.

See you tomorrow. Dr. Gordon?

All right, let's go, everybody.

We're going to the film library to look
at some dinosaurs and pterodactyls.

Hey!

Here we go, everybody.

- Way to dot the I, Olivia.
- I know what I'm doing.

Yes, you do.

See you later, Denise. I'm
going to go see pterodactyls.

Okay.

- Bye!
- Bye-bye.

Excuse me, Uncle Wilton?

- Yes.
- Hi.

This is my friend Rebecca
Shorter. She's a fifth grade teacher.

It's a pleasure to
meet you, Rebecca.

- I like what you're doing here.
- Thank you very much.

- Um, Uncle Wilton?
- Mm-hmm?

I know that I've only
seen your class twice,

but I want you to know that I've...
Well, I've really been affected by it,

and I'd like to study with you and
Gordon and learn your techniques

and hopefully pass
them on to other children.

You wouldn't have to pay me
anything. I'd be your apprentice.

Well, I'm flattered, but
let me ask you something.

Where'd you go to college?

- Hillman.
- Good school.

Did you get your Bachelor's
or your Master's degree?

Oh.

Uh... actually, I
don't have either.

Well, I suggest you go back to college,
get your degree, come back to see us.

We'd love to have you.

I need a degree to, you know,
play the drums and... rap to children?

Well, understand, we don't
teach everything through music.

So you use traditional
teaching methods also?

- Absolutely.
- And the drums and the rap

are just to reinforce what you've
already taught the children, right?

You've got it.

But I'd be a great instructor.

I'm enthusiastic. I love
to learn. I'm fired up.

All that's good.

But to work with us, you
must have a college degree.

Excuse me, ladies.

Uh-huh. [sighs]

Oh, gosh, all I want to do is help
children, and no one will let me.

Denise, why are
you so hard-headed?

The man didn't say that.

He said you have to get an
education to be of help here.

Well, I am ready now if Uncle
Wilton would work with me.

Uncle Wilton already has
enough children to work with.

He doesn't need
one as old as you.

Ha-ha.

Denise, why don't you
want to go to college?

Why are you so
afraid to go to college?

Because I am ready now.

A lot of people think they
can just walk in off the street

and do something
because it looks easy.

But they don't realize you have to
work hard to make something look easy.

I know you want to work with
children who have learning disabilities.

And in order for you to do that,

you are going to have to learn how to
deal with children who have special needs.

I would learn on the job.

All right, you want
to learn on the job?

Okay, you are in Uncle
Wilton's classroom,

and I am Rebecca Shorter,
and I am 4 years old,

and I am one of your students.

Give me a break. Come
on, I'm hungry. Let's just go.

I'm serious. Why do
you always want to quit?

You want to be a teacher, right?

Yes.

Well, then, let's go.

No! Give me a break.

[child voice] Come
on, Mrs. Kendall.

I want to learn
something. Teach me.

Okay... Rebecca.

Class, today we are going to
learn our multiplication tables.

Please repeat after me.

[clears throat]

♪ 1 times 1 is 1 ♪

♪ 2 times 1 is 2 ♪

♪ 1 times 3 is 3 ♪

Hello, you're not repeating.

I don't want to rap.

Well, sure you do.

Come on, all kids love to rap.

Not me.

Okay. Then, what
would you like to do?

- I wanna paint.
- Great. Then let's go paint.

No.

Oh.

Okay, hey, let's... let's...
Let's read a book! Yeah.

No I don't want... I want
to do what I want to do.

Don't want to read
no stupid book.

Okay, what are you going to do when the
other children learn this and you don't?

- I don't care.
- Sure you do.

The other kids are not going to
think you're as smart as they are.

I'm gonna tell my mama
you called me dumb.

No, I didn't call you dumb.

You gonna get fired.

Calm down. Rebecca. Shh.

Calm down, calm down. I
didn't say that you were dumb.

I just said that the other kids won't
think that you're as smart as they are.

'Cause I'm dumb.

[sigh]

Okay.

Okay, you've made your point.

[normal voice] Come here.

What was I supposed to do?

Well, you know,
I'd explain it to you,

but it's kind of technical, and
you don't have a college degree.

Cliff? Hmm?

Honey, have you seen Denise?

Uh-uh.

She said she was
going out for a walk.

I'm a little concerned
about her, honey.

She's been depressed
these past couple of days.

I don't think she's gotten over
being turned down by Uncle Wilton.

Hi, Denise. Where have you been?

Oh, just walking and thinking.

Walking and thinking.

Is everything all right?

Mom, Dad... I've
made a decision.

♪ Well, I had a little
talk with Jesus ♪

I've been thinking.

♪ And I told Him all
about our troubles ♪

What's wrong with spending the
rest of my life as a wife and a mother?

Millions of women all
around the world do it

and are content and happy.

And I think it's a very noble
and honorable profession.

Well, I agree with you.

I hope you're not
just saying that

because you're giving
up on some other dreams.

Well, Mom, I mean, I know
you would have liked me

to go back to college
and become a teacher,

but I don't think it's for me.

Well, whatever you
decide, we're behind you.

You mean you're not upset
that I'm not going back to school?

I didn't say that. All I said
was we are behind you.

Well, hey, that's
good enough for me.

Thanks for your support.

Oh, um, Mom, I, uh,
forgot to show you this.

Thanks, honey.

Denise, this says you're
entering Medger Evers College

this summer as a freshman?

[squealing]

Gotcha! Hoo hoo!

♪ Gotcha ♪

And a good gotcha at that!

Left them barefoot
and open-mouthed.

Beautiful. I am so good.

♪ And He will answer by and by ♪

♪♪ [theme]

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Cosby Show was taped

in front of a studio audience.

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