The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 24 - The Moves - full transcript
Claire receives an important case by representing a client who wants to protect a community center with a childhood playground which is about to be torn down and in it's place they will build an office center. Meanwhile Cliff's neighbor take Cliff out to buy a sports car.
♪♪[theme]
This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.
Hi ho, hi ho.
It's off to work I go.
You can't be working
today. It's Saturday.
Yeah, well, if we don't
reach an agreement today,
hi ho, hi ho, it's off to
court I go Monday morning,
and we don't want
that to happen.
Why not? Well, this case
is a long shot for
my clients, and...
these are my clients.
Those are your clients?
Mm-hmm. A bunch of little kids
- running around a playground.
- [chuckles]
How are they paying you, Mom?
Are you taking their lunch money?
No.
My firm agreed to represent
their community center.
They're about to
lose their playground.
Somebody's gonna tear it down
and put up an office complex.
Well, no wonder
they look so sad.
Well, they look that way
because I promised ice cream
to the child who could
make the most pitiful face.
That's brilliant,
Mom. Brilliant.
Well, I'm pulling all
the stops out on this one
because I'm going up
against a very tough attorney...
Bernadette Foley.
Mom? Bernadette Foley?
You guys are friends.
You go out to dinner.
How can you go up
against someone you like?
This isn't personal, darlin'.
This is the practice of law.
You see, we appreciate
each other's abilities.
Oh. Right.
Okay, okay. It's strategy.
You want Bernadette to
think you all are friends
so when she lets down her
guard, you can go for her throat.
I got it. I got it.
Denise, it's nothing like that.
We really do respect
each other. But, Mom,
you know you're the
better attorney, right?
You could rip her to
shreds anytime you wanted.
What are you talking about?
Nobody's gonna be shredded here.
This is not Perry Mason.
I'm just representing
my clients' best interests.
And on that note, I've
gotta get outta here.
Hey, Mom.
Down deep inside, you know
you're a better attorney, right?
[chuckles]
Hi, Clair.
Bernie.
I haven't been in your office
since your company redecorated it.
Very nice.
And I like that print.
Oh, that.
That is a signed Elgin Clay.
That is a very limited edition.
Yeah, I know.
Why? Your firm has one?
Oh, no. We don't have the
print. We have the original.
Ah. [chuckles] How nice.
[chuckles] Let's get
down to work, Clair.
Look, I've read over all
of your correspondence,
and frankly...
I don't know why you're here.
These are my clients, Bernie.
They are why I'm here.
This is very good.
You've really got 'em
to look pathetic, Clair.
[chuckles]
But let's get down to the facts.
Your client has put a
playground on my client's land.
Yes, they did.
Not once in five years
did they obtain my
client's permission.
True. All right. Now.
We are set to begin construction
on that land next week.
We have every
legal right to do it.
And we're sorry that these kids
have to find another play area,
but... it's not our
responsibility.
Clair. Case closed.
Bernie. Open it up again.
Why?
Because for years we have
been writing to your client
and never received a
response, and we believe
that we have grounds
for adverse possession.
That's ridiculous. You can't
claim adverse possession
unless there's been
occupancy for 20 years or more.
The community center
was constructed in 1969,
and although the playground
was recently added,
the land had been
in use for 20 years.
You are kidding me.
You're pulling my leg.
That will not stand up in court.
The judge will throw you out
on your... on your teeter-totter.
I don't think so.
All right, Clair.
I'm gonna give you
our final, final word on this.
No! No! It's
impossible. Forget it.
Well, Bernie...
thank you for your final words.
And, uh...
see you in court.
Fine.
Fine! Great.
Great.
Clair!
All I said was "No."
Can't we talk it over?
[chuckles]
[doorbell chimes]
Hey, neighbor!
How you doin', Jeffrey?
The divorce became final yesterday,
so I've been making a few changes.
Sure have.
Yeah, it's all for the best.
Bridget's very happy.
She has a great
new life up in Nyack.
Our little daughter Beth
comes to visit me
every other weekend.
You can see how I'm doin
'. It's the new me. Ha ha ha!
It is. Yeah, you,
uh, you look all right.
Well, you know, the
change was necessary.
And it's all explained
in this letter.
This is the letter that Bridget
wrote to me the day she left.
And I want you to read it.
I want you to read it out loud.
- Out loud?
- Absolutely.
That's why I came over here.
You want music with it?
[laughs]
No. Straight up.
Okay.
"My dearest Jeffrey,
"I love you, but I
can't live with you.
"Our life together
was too boring.
"We never did
anything spontaneously.
"If I said, 'Let's drive to the beach
and run barefoot on the sand, '
you'd say, 'No. We might
step on poisonous creatures. ""
It's true, Cliff.
It's true.
"And all the romance
in our relationship
"seemed to fade.
"You talked about
"a tuna fish sandwich
with more passion than you
would about how I looked."
Well... I do have a
weakness for tuna fish.
You want me to keep reading?
No. It just goes on
about how too boring
I am... too civilized.
But those days are over.
Check these threads.
Ah. Do you think these
are the clothes of a
man who lacks passion?
No, indeed. And I'll
tell you something else
that's part of the new me.
Well, I have another one
if you don't like this one.
- Good.
- This is a little different.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And I'll tell ya
what's next. Uh-oh.
I wanna get a sports car!
I've... I've been driving
around with these clothes
in my old station wagon!
Oh. [laughs]
Then get a sports car!
Why not? I can afford it.
I just sold another novel.
I know a dealership
that sells exotic...
These are, whoa!
I knew you would know.
That's why I came over here.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go. All right, let's go.
I'm ready. Oh. One thing, now.
What's that? I don't
want a convertible.
No.
I mean... I've...
put so much money
into these things, I wouldn't
want them to go flying off.
Clair, what you're
asking for is impossible.
The building's all office space.
There isn't a single
square inch to spare.
You've got 15,000
square feet here
for executive health club space.
Give some of that up, Bernie.
What do you want
the executives to do,
go down and play on the swings?
No. Clair, it's impossible.
The architect's gonna be
here in a couple of minutes.
She's gonna tell
you the same thing.
Fine. Let's take a
break and wait for her.
All right.
I had the most
incredible meal last night.
Yeah? Yeah. I took my mother
to Lutece. Mmm.
We started out
with the escalope
de saumon frais...
Al'oseille.
Moved on to the
tournedos au foie de canard.
Finished that with
a lovely truite rouge
au coulis de framboise.
My tastes have
become more exotic.
Last week, Cliff
and I went to Raga.
[unimpressed] Ooh.
- I had a vegetable samosa...
- Uh-huh...
- palak paneer... poori bread...
- Yes...
- And mango lassi.
- Yes.
And didn't give Cliff any.
Nothin'?
Let's order lunch.
Yeah! All right!
What'll it be? Pizza.
Good.
Clark, could you come in here?
We want to order some lunch.
Clark, we'd like
to order a pizza.
What size? Large?
Small.
Medium. All right.
Uh... pepperoni?
Not on my half.
Sausage?
No.
Little extra cheese?
No cheese on my half.
All right, let me
get this straight.
One half pepperoni,
sausage, extra cheese.
The other half pita bread?
I suppose you would
just laugh at anchovies.
No... anchovies.
All right. All right. No
anchovies on her half.
No anchovies near my half.
Clair, I've gotta
have anchovies.
Anchovies are non-negotiable.
That smell. It floats
all over the box
and gets into every piece.
Clark, one medium
pizza, one half, sauce only.
The other half, pepperoni,
sausage, extra cheese,
and have someone walk behind you
with a cup of anchovies.
Gotcha.
♪♪[percussion]
♪♪No, no, no ♪♪I
was walkin' down a road
♪♪Just the other day
♪♪When this sassy
little girl just stood in my way
♪♪She said, You're really...
Hey, turn that noise down, boy!
♪♪That love machine...
Hello, Theo.
Hey, Mr. Ingalls.
It's all right. The guy
said it would take a while.
People who know you
have to get used to it, right?
R-Right.
Sorry you weren't with us.
We just took a test drive
in a Vesuvia FR-5BX.
Whoa!
Those things have 12 cylinders,
and they go over
210 miles an hour!
Yeah. Your father and I
put it through its paces.
As a matter of fact, the
car is sitting right outside.
Ohh!
Oh, man! It's red!
Yeah! Did you buy it?
Well, they're just letting
me drive the demo for a day
to see if I like it.
And I think I like.
Well, how fast
have you driven it?
Well, it's not so much
a matter of how fast.
I mean, every two
blocks there's a light,
so we just went vrrrr!
Vrrrr!
Vrrrr!
We stayed in reverse
more than we did second gear.
But you shoulda seen
the way those young girls
looked at your father and me
when we were in
that car. It was as if...
Mr. Ingalls.
Now, I have a very
busy schedule at school.
But I will find the time
to wash and buff your car
once a week if you buy that car.
Theo, you're a prince!
I wouldn't even
charge you money for it.
All I ask is that you allow me
to take a spin it
it once a month.
Well, I'd be delighted
to take you for a drive.
No. No, no.
What I meant was, once a month
I get to drive it.
Are you nuts?
Look, the mechanic explained
only one person
can drive this car.
If anybody else
tries to drive it,
the car becomes
extremely confused.
But, uh... would you still
be interested in
washing it for me?
I think my son's schedule
just got a lot busier
than... Oh, well.
Say, you know, all this
excitement is making me hungry.
Tell you what.
Why don't I go out
and get us each a
three-pound lobster?
For lunch?
Why not?
Hey, why not?
Hey, come on, Theo.
You know, there's a
fish market in New Jersey
where you can buy 'em
fresh right off the boats.
Cliff, start that
water boiling now!
Wait a minute. You're goin'
all the way over to Jersey.
I don't have to start
with the water right away.
It's only five
minutes for it to boil.
You forget... I'm
driving the Vesuvia!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hey. Hold this.
I got another one in the car.
I want to see which
one you like the best.
Double five!
Ten points.
Mmm... Double blank.
[chuckles]
[laughs]
Ten points.
Wha...?
Oh, no!
Wha... What could that be?
Blank five!
Fifteen points!
[laughs cockily]
[muttering]
Oh... don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.
Just take this off.
Don't... Don't leave this
thing around the house.
What are you guys doing?
We're playing dominoes.
Well, teach me how to play it.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll teach you, but first...
my feet are a little cold.
If you'll go upstairs,
look in my closet,
way in the back are
my leather slippers.
Bring 'em down.
Okay! All right!
Ha ha haaaaa!
[chuckles] Pretty crafty.
You better believe it.
See, she'll go upstairs...
You know how kids
are... Look in that closet,
see nothing, and then not
want to come back down here.
She'll go in her room and
play for the rest of the night.
[both chuckle]
Here we are. All right, my play.
Hmm?
Thank you, my dear.
Now teach me how
to play dominoes.
Okay, fine.
But I would appreciate
if you would go upstairs
and get my robe.
It may be somewhere
in Rudy's room.
Look around hard
and good for it.
Now, you go ahead.
But this better be it.
My play.
Now I will...
- Hi.
- [Cliff] Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.
- [Jeffrey] Hello.
Jeffrey?
Hello, Clair.
Jeffrey!
Oh. This is, um...
Bernadette Foley.
Hello. Hi.
Hi.
How'd the two of you make out?
Bernie, she
treatin' you all right?
It's been an
interesting day, Cliff.
[chuckles]
Clair has been trying to
rearrange the architect's model
of this building my
clients are putting up.
She's had it on its side.
She's had the lobby on the roof.
She's had the parking garage
in the nave of the
Episcopal church next door.
She finally suggested that we
take the whole 48-story building
and put it underground.
I said, "Clair, there are
easier ways to get to Australia."
[Cliff chuckles]
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You came up with
that retort just like that?
That was unbelievably clever!
Anybody like
something cold to drink?
Apple juice. Apple juice?
- Yeah, I'd like a soda.
- Diet?
- No. Sugar.
- Jeffrey?
No. Uh... nothing for me.
But, uh, I'll come with you. Oh.
That Bernadette... sensational!
Oh, yeah?
Oh, she's so
attractive and witty!
And did you hear what
she said about that drink?
She didn't want that diet
stuff. She's a rebel. "Sugar."
This is a woman!
So you like her, huh?
Like her? Look at me.
I'm... I'm... fluttering.
[chuckles]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Was I wearing this
thing the whole time?!
This is a disaster!
Put the thing back on.
She didn't know anything
about it. It looks natural.
- Now, just put it back on.
- No. I can't.
What do you mean,
you can't? Why?
But this... this
is artificial turf!
And there's no turf
up here at all. I just...
She doesn't know
that you don't have hair!
You don't understand. This
person is so magnificent,
I don't know what
I can say to her!
Look. We're gonna
go back out there.
I'll start to talk
about you. Okay?
You just sit there and
then take your cue.
All right? Now,
put the thing on.
All right. Okay.
All right.
No, no, no, no, no.
You got it on backwards.
Here we go. All right.
But if... if she doesn't
spark to what you're saying,
just... just make anything up.
All right!
Dear, you know,
Jeffrey just told me
he sold a new novel.
Oh, yes? Yes.
Oh, you're a novelist?
Oh, yes. He's a fine
writer of western novels.
And what is the title
of this new book?
Longhorns from Laredo.
Wait a minute.
What... What is your last name?
Well, my name is Ingalls,
but... but I write under
the name "Buck Larue."
Are you the same Buck Larue
who wrote Five
Bullets for Billy?
Yeah. That was the
first in my "Billy" series.
Ohh! That is a tremendous book!
Oh, this is a treat to meet you.
I don't normally read westerns,
but somebody in my office
gave me that book. This book is
so gritty and raw.
I kept wondering
what Buck Larue looked like.
I kept picturing this cowboy
with his six-shooters
strapped to his side,
riding the range.
[chuckles]
Actually... ha ha...
I'm allergic to horses.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Well, at any rate,
you have an
incredible imagination.
This book is filled
with the most wonderful
imagery and passion.
Clair, why don't we go in the
kitchen and get some cheese?
No, wait. Wait.
You stay here. Excuse me.
What are you comin'
in here followin' me for?
I can't do this. It's
just impossible.
What do you mean, you
can't do this? You heard her.
She was excited about
you. She said "raw and gritty."
She was interested in you.
I know, I know, I know, I know!
But, I mean, this
is not really me!
None of this stuff.
It's just ridiculous.
It's ridiculous. Look,
I know I'm boring,
but I have to be me.
Here I meet this
wonderful person,
and... and I behave
like a complete idiot!
I'm very sorry about it. The
whole thing's been a mistake.
That's it!
Good evening.
Good evening.
Where'd everybody go?
Oh, they went to the office.
[Cliff sighs]
Dr. Huxtable, you haven't taught
me how to play dominoes yet.
But you didn't find
my yellow robe.
I did.
You did?
Yes. Rudy helped me.
Rudy found my yellow robe?
No. But she said
when she was little,
you did the same thing to her.
Did what?
Maked her look
for your yellow robe
when you wanted
to keep her busy.
So we looked for it together.
Did you find it?
Yes.
Well... where is it?
In other words, I
don't get my robe
until I teach you
how to play dominoes.
Right. Now, let's begin.
But nice... and... slow.
[doorbell chimes]
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, neighbor.
Well, you changed.
Yeah. The real Jeffrey Ingalls.
Yeah.
My own clothes... my own head.
Very natural.
Well, you look nice.
So, is, uh... is
Bernadette still here?
No, no. They went... They
went back to the law office.
Oh.
Boy, I'd really like
to see her again.
And, you know, when I do,
by that time, I may be even...
even more me. [chuckles]
Well, that'll be
nice. That'll be nice.
Well, better be going.
I'm gonna be
returning a few things...
you know, the suit, the hair.
And, uh... the Vesuvia.
You're returning the Vesuvia?
Yeah, yeah. The dealer
closes at, uh, about 5:00.
5:00? Well, you'd
better hurry. It's 3 of.
You forget. I'm gonna
be driving the Vesuvia!
[both laugh]
We'll see you.
Good-bye. See ya.
♪♪[theme]
[Announcer] The
Cosby Show was taped
in front of a studio audience.
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.
Hi ho, hi ho.
It's off to work I go.
You can't be working
today. It's Saturday.
Yeah, well, if we don't
reach an agreement today,
hi ho, hi ho, it's off to
court I go Monday morning,
and we don't want
that to happen.
Why not? Well, this case
is a long shot for
my clients, and...
these are my clients.
Those are your clients?
Mm-hmm. A bunch of little kids
- running around a playground.
- [chuckles]
How are they paying you, Mom?
Are you taking their lunch money?
No.
My firm agreed to represent
their community center.
They're about to
lose their playground.
Somebody's gonna tear it down
and put up an office complex.
Well, no wonder
they look so sad.
Well, they look that way
because I promised ice cream
to the child who could
make the most pitiful face.
That's brilliant,
Mom. Brilliant.
Well, I'm pulling all
the stops out on this one
because I'm going up
against a very tough attorney...
Bernadette Foley.
Mom? Bernadette Foley?
You guys are friends.
You go out to dinner.
How can you go up
against someone you like?
This isn't personal, darlin'.
This is the practice of law.
You see, we appreciate
each other's abilities.
Oh. Right.
Okay, okay. It's strategy.
You want Bernadette to
think you all are friends
so when she lets down her
guard, you can go for her throat.
I got it. I got it.
Denise, it's nothing like that.
We really do respect
each other. But, Mom,
you know you're the
better attorney, right?
You could rip her to
shreds anytime you wanted.
What are you talking about?
Nobody's gonna be shredded here.
This is not Perry Mason.
I'm just representing
my clients' best interests.
And on that note, I've
gotta get outta here.
Hey, Mom.
Down deep inside, you know
you're a better attorney, right?
[chuckles]
Hi, Clair.
Bernie.
I haven't been in your office
since your company redecorated it.
Very nice.
And I like that print.
Oh, that.
That is a signed Elgin Clay.
That is a very limited edition.
Yeah, I know.
Why? Your firm has one?
Oh, no. We don't have the
print. We have the original.
Ah. [chuckles] How nice.
[chuckles] Let's get
down to work, Clair.
Look, I've read over all
of your correspondence,
and frankly...
I don't know why you're here.
These are my clients, Bernie.
They are why I'm here.
This is very good.
You've really got 'em
to look pathetic, Clair.
[chuckles]
But let's get down to the facts.
Your client has put a
playground on my client's land.
Yes, they did.
Not once in five years
did they obtain my
client's permission.
True. All right. Now.
We are set to begin construction
on that land next week.
We have every
legal right to do it.
And we're sorry that these kids
have to find another play area,
but... it's not our
responsibility.
Clair. Case closed.
Bernie. Open it up again.
Why?
Because for years we have
been writing to your client
and never received a
response, and we believe
that we have grounds
for adverse possession.
That's ridiculous. You can't
claim adverse possession
unless there's been
occupancy for 20 years or more.
The community center
was constructed in 1969,
and although the playground
was recently added,
the land had been
in use for 20 years.
You are kidding me.
You're pulling my leg.
That will not stand up in court.
The judge will throw you out
on your... on your teeter-totter.
I don't think so.
All right, Clair.
I'm gonna give you
our final, final word on this.
No! No! It's
impossible. Forget it.
Well, Bernie...
thank you for your final words.
And, uh...
see you in court.
Fine.
Fine! Great.
Great.
Clair!
All I said was "No."
Can't we talk it over?
[chuckles]
[doorbell chimes]
Hey, neighbor!
How you doin', Jeffrey?
The divorce became final yesterday,
so I've been making a few changes.
Sure have.
Yeah, it's all for the best.
Bridget's very happy.
She has a great
new life up in Nyack.
Our little daughter Beth
comes to visit me
every other weekend.
You can see how I'm doin
'. It's the new me. Ha ha ha!
It is. Yeah, you,
uh, you look all right.
Well, you know, the
change was necessary.
And it's all explained
in this letter.
This is the letter that Bridget
wrote to me the day she left.
And I want you to read it.
I want you to read it out loud.
- Out loud?
- Absolutely.
That's why I came over here.
You want music with it?
[laughs]
No. Straight up.
Okay.
"My dearest Jeffrey,
"I love you, but I
can't live with you.
"Our life together
was too boring.
"We never did
anything spontaneously.
"If I said, 'Let's drive to the beach
and run barefoot on the sand, '
you'd say, 'No. We might
step on poisonous creatures. ""
It's true, Cliff.
It's true.
"And all the romance
in our relationship
"seemed to fade.
"You talked about
"a tuna fish sandwich
with more passion than you
would about how I looked."
Well... I do have a
weakness for tuna fish.
You want me to keep reading?
No. It just goes on
about how too boring
I am... too civilized.
But those days are over.
Check these threads.
Ah. Do you think these
are the clothes of a
man who lacks passion?
No, indeed. And I'll
tell you something else
that's part of the new me.
Well, I have another one
if you don't like this one.
- Good.
- This is a little different.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And I'll tell ya
what's next. Uh-oh.
I wanna get a sports car!
I've... I've been driving
around with these clothes
in my old station wagon!
Oh. [laughs]
Then get a sports car!
Why not? I can afford it.
I just sold another novel.
I know a dealership
that sells exotic...
These are, whoa!
I knew you would know.
That's why I came over here.
Come on, let's go.
Let's go. All right, let's go.
I'm ready. Oh. One thing, now.
What's that? I don't
want a convertible.
No.
I mean... I've...
put so much money
into these things, I wouldn't
want them to go flying off.
Clair, what you're
asking for is impossible.
The building's all office space.
There isn't a single
square inch to spare.
You've got 15,000
square feet here
for executive health club space.
Give some of that up, Bernie.
What do you want
the executives to do,
go down and play on the swings?
No. Clair, it's impossible.
The architect's gonna be
here in a couple of minutes.
She's gonna tell
you the same thing.
Fine. Let's take a
break and wait for her.
All right.
I had the most
incredible meal last night.
Yeah? Yeah. I took my mother
to Lutece. Mmm.
We started out
with the escalope
de saumon frais...
Al'oseille.
Moved on to the
tournedos au foie de canard.
Finished that with
a lovely truite rouge
au coulis de framboise.
My tastes have
become more exotic.
Last week, Cliff
and I went to Raga.
[unimpressed] Ooh.
- I had a vegetable samosa...
- Uh-huh...
- palak paneer... poori bread...
- Yes...
- And mango lassi.
- Yes.
And didn't give Cliff any.
Nothin'?
Let's order lunch.
Yeah! All right!
What'll it be? Pizza.
Good.
Clark, could you come in here?
We want to order some lunch.
Clark, we'd like
to order a pizza.
What size? Large?
Small.
Medium. All right.
Uh... pepperoni?
Not on my half.
Sausage?
No.
Little extra cheese?
No cheese on my half.
All right, let me
get this straight.
One half pepperoni,
sausage, extra cheese.
The other half pita bread?
I suppose you would
just laugh at anchovies.
No... anchovies.
All right. All right. No
anchovies on her half.
No anchovies near my half.
Clair, I've gotta
have anchovies.
Anchovies are non-negotiable.
That smell. It floats
all over the box
and gets into every piece.
Clark, one medium
pizza, one half, sauce only.
The other half, pepperoni,
sausage, extra cheese,
and have someone walk behind you
with a cup of anchovies.
Gotcha.
♪♪[percussion]
♪♪No, no, no ♪♪I
was walkin' down a road
♪♪Just the other day
♪♪When this sassy
little girl just stood in my way
♪♪She said, You're really...
Hey, turn that noise down, boy!
♪♪That love machine...
Hello, Theo.
Hey, Mr. Ingalls.
It's all right. The guy
said it would take a while.
People who know you
have to get used to it, right?
R-Right.
Sorry you weren't with us.
We just took a test drive
in a Vesuvia FR-5BX.
Whoa!
Those things have 12 cylinders,
and they go over
210 miles an hour!
Yeah. Your father and I
put it through its paces.
As a matter of fact, the
car is sitting right outside.
Ohh!
Oh, man! It's red!
Yeah! Did you buy it?
Well, they're just letting
me drive the demo for a day
to see if I like it.
And I think I like.
Well, how fast
have you driven it?
Well, it's not so much
a matter of how fast.
I mean, every two
blocks there's a light,
so we just went vrrrr!
Vrrrr!
Vrrrr!
We stayed in reverse
more than we did second gear.
But you shoulda seen
the way those young girls
looked at your father and me
when we were in
that car. It was as if...
Mr. Ingalls.
Now, I have a very
busy schedule at school.
But I will find the time
to wash and buff your car
once a week if you buy that car.
Theo, you're a prince!
I wouldn't even
charge you money for it.
All I ask is that you allow me
to take a spin it
it once a month.
Well, I'd be delighted
to take you for a drive.
No. No, no.
What I meant was, once a month
I get to drive it.
Are you nuts?
Look, the mechanic explained
only one person
can drive this car.
If anybody else
tries to drive it,
the car becomes
extremely confused.
But, uh... would you still
be interested in
washing it for me?
I think my son's schedule
just got a lot busier
than... Oh, well.
Say, you know, all this
excitement is making me hungry.
Tell you what.
Why don't I go out
and get us each a
three-pound lobster?
For lunch?
Why not?
Hey, why not?
Hey, come on, Theo.
You know, there's a
fish market in New Jersey
where you can buy 'em
fresh right off the boats.
Cliff, start that
water boiling now!
Wait a minute. You're goin'
all the way over to Jersey.
I don't have to start
with the water right away.
It's only five
minutes for it to boil.
You forget... I'm
driving the Vesuvia!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hey. Hold this.
I got another one in the car.
I want to see which
one you like the best.
Double five!
Ten points.
Mmm... Double blank.
[chuckles]
[laughs]
Ten points.
Wha...?
Oh, no!
Wha... What could that be?
Blank five!
Fifteen points!
[laughs cockily]
[muttering]
Oh... don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't.
Just take this off.
Don't... Don't leave this
thing around the house.
What are you guys doing?
We're playing dominoes.
Well, teach me how to play it.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'll teach you, but first...
my feet are a little cold.
If you'll go upstairs,
look in my closet,
way in the back are
my leather slippers.
Bring 'em down.
Okay! All right!
Ha ha haaaaa!
[chuckles] Pretty crafty.
You better believe it.
See, she'll go upstairs...
You know how kids
are... Look in that closet,
see nothing, and then not
want to come back down here.
She'll go in her room and
play for the rest of the night.
[both chuckle]
Here we are. All right, my play.
Hmm?
Thank you, my dear.
Now teach me how
to play dominoes.
Okay, fine.
But I would appreciate
if you would go upstairs
and get my robe.
It may be somewhere
in Rudy's room.
Look around hard
and good for it.
Now, you go ahead.
But this better be it.
My play.
Now I will...
- Hi.
- [Cliff] Oh, my goodness.
- Oh.
- [Jeffrey] Hello.
Jeffrey?
Hello, Clair.
Jeffrey!
Oh. This is, um...
Bernadette Foley.
Hello. Hi.
Hi.
How'd the two of you make out?
Bernie, she
treatin' you all right?
It's been an
interesting day, Cliff.
[chuckles]
Clair has been trying to
rearrange the architect's model
of this building my
clients are putting up.
She's had it on its side.
She's had the lobby on the roof.
She's had the parking garage
in the nave of the
Episcopal church next door.
She finally suggested that we
take the whole 48-story building
and put it underground.
I said, "Clair, there are
easier ways to get to Australia."
[Cliff chuckles]
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You came up with
that retort just like that?
That was unbelievably clever!
Anybody like
something cold to drink?
Apple juice. Apple juice?
- Yeah, I'd like a soda.
- Diet?
- No. Sugar.
- Jeffrey?
No. Uh... nothing for me.
But, uh, I'll come with you. Oh.
That Bernadette... sensational!
Oh, yeah?
Oh, she's so
attractive and witty!
And did you hear what
she said about that drink?
She didn't want that diet
stuff. She's a rebel. "Sugar."
This is a woman!
So you like her, huh?
Like her? Look at me.
I'm... I'm... fluttering.
[chuckles]
Wait a minute. Wait a minute!
Was I wearing this
thing the whole time?!
This is a disaster!
Put the thing back on.
She didn't know anything
about it. It looks natural.
- Now, just put it back on.
- No. I can't.
What do you mean,
you can't? Why?
But this... this
is artificial turf!
And there's no turf
up here at all. I just...
She doesn't know
that you don't have hair!
You don't understand. This
person is so magnificent,
I don't know what
I can say to her!
Look. We're gonna
go back out there.
I'll start to talk
about you. Okay?
You just sit there and
then take your cue.
All right? Now,
put the thing on.
All right. Okay.
All right.
No, no, no, no, no.
You got it on backwards.
Here we go. All right.
But if... if she doesn't
spark to what you're saying,
just... just make anything up.
All right!
Dear, you know,
Jeffrey just told me
he sold a new novel.
Oh, yes? Yes.
Oh, you're a novelist?
Oh, yes. He's a fine
writer of western novels.
And what is the title
of this new book?
Longhorns from Laredo.
Wait a minute.
What... What is your last name?
Well, my name is Ingalls,
but... but I write under
the name "Buck Larue."
Are you the same Buck Larue
who wrote Five
Bullets for Billy?
Yeah. That was the
first in my "Billy" series.
Ohh! That is a tremendous book!
Oh, this is a treat to meet you.
I don't normally read westerns,
but somebody in my office
gave me that book. This book is
so gritty and raw.
I kept wondering
what Buck Larue looked like.
I kept picturing this cowboy
with his six-shooters
strapped to his side,
riding the range.
[chuckles]
Actually... ha ha...
I'm allergic to horses.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Well, at any rate,
you have an
incredible imagination.
This book is filled
with the most wonderful
imagery and passion.
Clair, why don't we go in the
kitchen and get some cheese?
No, wait. Wait.
You stay here. Excuse me.
What are you comin'
in here followin' me for?
I can't do this. It's
just impossible.
What do you mean, you
can't do this? You heard her.
She was excited about
you. She said "raw and gritty."
She was interested in you.
I know, I know, I know, I know!
But, I mean, this
is not really me!
None of this stuff.
It's just ridiculous.
It's ridiculous. Look,
I know I'm boring,
but I have to be me.
Here I meet this
wonderful person,
and... and I behave
like a complete idiot!
I'm very sorry about it. The
whole thing's been a mistake.
That's it!
Good evening.
Good evening.
Where'd everybody go?
Oh, they went to the office.
[Cliff sighs]
Dr. Huxtable, you haven't taught
me how to play dominoes yet.
But you didn't find
my yellow robe.
I did.
You did?
Yes. Rudy helped me.
Rudy found my yellow robe?
No. But she said
when she was little,
you did the same thing to her.
Did what?
Maked her look
for your yellow robe
when you wanted
to keep her busy.
So we looked for it together.
Did you find it?
Yes.
Well... where is it?
In other words, I
don't get my robe
until I teach you
how to play dominoes.
Right. Now, let's begin.
But nice... and... slow.
[doorbell chimes]
Hey, Jeff.
Hey, neighbor.
Well, you changed.
Yeah. The real Jeffrey Ingalls.
Yeah.
My own clothes... my own head.
Very natural.
Well, you look nice.
So, is, uh... is
Bernadette still here?
No, no. They went... They
went back to the law office.
Oh.
Boy, I'd really like
to see her again.
And, you know, when I do,
by that time, I may be even...
even more me. [chuckles]
Well, that'll be
nice. That'll be nice.
Well, better be going.
I'm gonna be
returning a few things...
you know, the suit, the hair.
And, uh... the Vesuvia.
You're returning the Vesuvia?
Yeah, yeah. The dealer
closes at, uh, about 5:00.
5:00? Well, you'd
better hurry. It's 3 of.
You forget. I'm gonna
be driving the Vesuvia!
[both laugh]
We'll see you.
Good-bye. See ya.
♪♪[theme]
[Announcer] The
Cosby Show was taped
in front of a studio audience.
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA