The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 21 - Theo's Dirty Laundry - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

[loud slurping through straw]

I'm ready for my next one.

Oh, mmm...

I think one is
enough, little one.

Mommy...

Now, Olivia, I am not gonna
look into those sorry eyes.

I'm with Denise on this.

Okay.

Can I get anybody anything?



You can get her a big
glass of water. Thank you.

Can I have cherries
and grapes in it, please?

Is that okay with you, mom?

Oh, actually, I'm her
stepmom. Paula's her mother.

Oh. And you're here
together at the same table?

Well, of course. I
mean, we like each other.

Oh, wow!

Should we let Olivia have
her floating fruit drink now?

Yeah! I think so.

Coming right up.

Hey, ladies.

- Hey, Theo.
- How you doin'?

What are you guys doin' here?

We saw a movie together.



Oliver Twist.

Oh, isn't that where
all those little kids

live in the nasty orphanage

and get the paddle every
time they ask for more porridge?

It was scary.

It reminded me of a
private school I went to.

Oh, come on. It couldn't
have been that bad.

They gave you plenty to eat.

But if you didn't pay attention
in class or you made mistakes,

you'd get whacked with a ruler.

Wow. I'm glad we didn't get
whacked with a ruler at my high school.

With my grades, I would've
had to wear a helmet. [chuckles]

Well, you know, I've often
thought about all those kids

that got whacked in my school

and wondered how many of
them had learning disorders.

Ooh, that's a good point.

Well, I think that's why I'm
taking education classes.

Wow. I wish I'd had
somebody like you

to help me with my dyslexia
when I started havin' problems.

I mean, I would've been
a super student by now.

Mommy, I have to go
to the bathroom, please.

Okay, sweetheart, let's
go. We'll be right back.

Sure.

You know, Theo,
I think it's amazing

how openly you talk
about your dyslexia.

Well, I'm just glad
to know what I have.

I mean, high school was rough.

You had it rough
at home, too, huh?

Yeah. I had to deal with
people callin' me lazy and stupid.

I know. Mom and Dad should
not have said those things to you.

Mom and Dad? You were the
one who called me lazy and stupid.

I did?

Yes, Denise, all the time.

I'm sorry. There I
was, your big sister.

I should've been giving you support,
and I was being insensitive and cruel.

Yeah, well, that's cool...
'cause behind your back

I was callin' you a
scatterbrain and a flake.

This is heavy.

[Cliff] That's right.

Dirty laundry is heavy.

After you wash it, it
gets lighter. Ha ha.

Dad, you don't
have to tell me that.

I've been doing
laundry for two years.

Yes. But you see, you've been
doin' laundry the wrong way.

See, your idea of doing
laundry is to take all of this,

put it in the machine, then
pick up a box of the detergent,

and then just keep doin' like
this until your arms get tired.

Then you put that down, and then
you just turn everything on "hot." Boom.

- So?
- That's why my underwear is purple.

Now, I want you to learn
how to separate this.

You take this out. You
put the whites over here

and the colors over
there. And you see,

I think you're mature
enough now to do that.

Aw, man.

When I want to stay
up late and watch TV,

you say I'm just a kid.

But when you have
grunt work for me to do,

then I'm mature.

Good. Now let me show
me you how to measure this.

See... Okay, well, there's
clothes in here already.

But I'll show you
how to measure this.

Oh, this is Theo's stuff.

All right. Soon as I get Theo's

stuff outta here, I'll
measure this for you, and...

this... Down here.

I don't think, uh...

Um, all of this is not Theo's.

That's definitely not Theo's.

Is this yours?

That's not mine. I'm
not that mature yet.

[laughing] No.

[Denise] Mom?

In the kitchen.

Hi.

Hi.

Where's Olivia?

Oh, this is the weekend
she spends with her mom.

Mom, something amazing
happened to me today.

Yes? I was sitting

in the café with Paula,
and she was just tellin' me

her experiences about
working with children

who have learning problems,
and then Theo joined us,

and he told us how
rough he had it in school

'cause of dyslexia... and
then something hit me

like a bolt of lightning. I
realized what I want to do.

Mom, I want to be a teacher.

I want to work with children
with learning disabilities.

Very nice, Denise.

Well, now, I know in the past I've
made announcements about my life

and I haven't really
followed through on them,

but, Mom, I mean it this time.

Sweetheart, I
applaud your ambition,

but just let me point out
to you that to accomplish

what you're talking about is
gonna take some years of schooling

and very hard
work. I know. I know.

But this feels so right to
me. I'm ready to commit.

Hey. Dad!

Hey! I want to be a teacher!

Oh, well, good. Good. [chuckles]

Is, uh, is any of
this stuff yours?

No. Excuse me. I... You
know, I can't believe this.

I've just made a very
important announcement,

and you're asking
me to identify laundry.

You're enjoying your
crossword puzzle.

Doesn't anyone in this
house take me seriously?

Yeah, well, Rudy's
in the basement.

Dad! Mom, I am serious!

Ohh... I'm ready to commit!

[chuckles] To what? A home?

I'm gonna go call Martin.

[chuckles]

Cliff, why are you wandering around
the house carrying those things?

I'm wandering around the
house carrying these things

'cause I found these things
mixed up in our son's laundry.

Those are not men's things.

You're kidding!

I would deduce that these belong
to a certain young college female

who is involved with the
aforementioned college male.

Well, do you think
that young Justine

has been frequenting
our son's apartment?

There is that possibility.

Why don't I call that
apartment and see?

Ohh...

Well, I didn't mean
to cause trouble.

It's quite all right. I
just want to know.

[laughs]

Yes. Is Theo there?

This is his mother. Who are you?

Anthony?

Anthony, you live there?

Well, how many people
are living there, Anthony?

Darlin', make up your
mind. Is it three or four?

I see.

Well, listen. If you
hear from Theo,

tell him that his parents
are looking for him.

Thank you.

That is the third time this week
that I have called that apartment,

and no one knows where Theo is.

I'll just call... Justine.

Yes. Now, where...

I know Theo's voice.

No, Theo answered the
phone, and he hung up.

Oh, no.

[gulps]

Deputy Dawg.

Now they've got the
answering machine on

with that construction music
playing in the background.

Hello. Justine?

This is Mrs. Huxtable.

Listen, if you see Theo,
would you please tell him

to come to our
house this afternoon?

Thank you.

And, Theo, I know
you can hear me.

[door opens]

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Uh, Danny said you
called the apartment?

Uh, yes, son. You
left a load of clothes

in the washing machine.

Oh, yeah, I know. I
had to run off to class,

so I couldn't finish it.

Yeah, we did it for you.

Hey, thanks.

Now, you didn't mix
any of our clothes

in with yours, did you?

No.

And you're not, uh, doing
other people's laundry

for them, are you?

[laughs] No.

Well, we have some
things here from your wash

that we think you'd like to see.

Yeah. Now... um,
is... is... is this yours?

And, uh, and... and,
uh, is this yours?

And, uh... this is
not yours... I hope.

I hope.

These are Justine's.

[sighs] Son, where are
you currently residing?

You mean where
do I receive my mail?

No, I mean where do you live?

At the moment,
I'm in transition.

Could you make a
transition from there

over to here...

and then make another transition

where you tell us the truth?

[sighs]

Okay.

Justine's roommate
dropped out of school.

So she was gonna be
stuck with the whole rent

for the rest of the semester.

And since I'm a gentleman,
I agreed to help her out.

[laughs knowingly]

So... So... So...
So you moved in.

Right. When?

Three weeks ago.

What about your apartment?

Well, I found Danny and
Glenn a replacement. Anthony.

And he's very compatible to
their living style and study habits.

Now everybody's happy.

Do we look happy?

Each month, I give you a check

to pay the rent
on your apartment.

Are you using that check
now to pay the rent at Justine's?

Oh, well, not all of it.

Justine's rent is much lower.

So, what are you doin'
with the leftover money?

I opened up a bank account.

What about the bed
and the refrigerator

that we bought you?

Well, I'm renting
those to Anthony.

And... And... And you're
taking all that money

and putting it in
your bank account.

Yeah.

So you're... you're really
savin' a lot of money.

Yep.

Theo, we sent you to college
to get an education, son,

not to move in
with your girlfriend.

And the money that we give
you is for rent for an apartment

that you're supposed
to be living in

with a couple of guys
named Danny and Glenn.

That's where we expect you
to study, to eat, and to live.

Well, Mom, it's not like
I'm livin' with a stranger.

We sent you to college
to get an education,

not move in with your girlfriend

or take money from us

and do dishonest things with it.

You never told us
about these things.

And weren't going to.

What if Justine's
parents say it's okay?

Justine's parents can
say anything they like.

You belong to us.

Do her parents have any
idea that you're living together?

Not yet. We were gonna tell
them the same time we told you.

Well, how were
you gonna do that,

leave your underwear
in her laundry?

Now, see, I know Justine's
parents, and Mr. and Mrs. Phillips

are not gonna be
thrilled with this at all.

And if you continue, we're
cutting off your living expenses.

But do you guys realize

how many kids at
school live together?

What has that got to do with us?

[chuckles] Now, I'm not sayin'

that these people have
taken a wrong turn in life

and are goin' downhill and
will never amount to anything.

But we do have our own
point of view on this subject,

if that's all right with you.

You know, I don't understand
why you won't let me do this.

I mean, can't you see how
much this means to me?

For 19 years, I've done
everything you've wanted me to do.

I've never given
you any real trouble.

I don't use drugs.

I'm not out late partying.

I mean, that bank
account I opened

should show you guys I'm not
spending my money stupidly.

Plus, I'm workin'
very hard in school.

Livin' with Justine has been
good for my study habits.

I mean, she helps me organize.

You know, just because
you guys give me money

doesn't mean you
can control my life.

You know, if you guys

aren't gonna get
behind us on this,

then Justine and I will
just have to figure out a way

to do it on our own
and live our own lives.

He told you.

Uh, Eydie.

Uh, may I please
have another refill?

You know, I've been bringin'
you water for the last half hour.

I can't keep doin' it,

even though you've been
a good customer in the past.

Hey, I'm just tryin'
to save a little money.

Well, I'm just tryin'
to make a little money.

Come on. Please?

Okay, but I'll be
needing this table soon.

Thanks, Eydie.

Hi.

Hey.

How'd it go with your parents?

Not well. The way they reacted
made your parents seem understanding.

Really? Theo, my
dad is looking for you.

I don't get it.

I mean, your father and I have
always gotten along so well.

Remember he took
me to a Knicks game?

Well, he won't be
doing that anymore.

They said if I continue
to live with you,

I'll be getting money
only for my tuition.

Okay.

It sounds like if we're gonna do
this, we're gonna do it on our own.

You're right.

Justine... do you love me?

You know I do.

Well, it's situations like
these that make a couple

find out exactly who they are.

You're right. We can do this.

Now, if I get a job
and you get a job,

we won't have to live
by our parents' rules,

and we can be
together... living our lives.

Yeah, and if it
gets too expensive,

we can move upstate
and go to a cheaper school.

Everything's cheaper up there.

We can live a new life.

We're talking about a
major change here, Theo.

I know.

Maybe the worst
thing we could do now

is rush into this.

I mean, there are
times to go for it

and times to lay back
and not force things.

I've never really defied
my parents like this.

Just because we're reconsidering

doesn't mean we don't
still love each other.

I know.

I brought an extra water.

I thought you might want
to treat your girlfriend.

[TV] When you cook your
turkey on our vertical turkey rack,

it comes out so tender,
you can actually slice it

with a stalk of celery.

Watch. Now, how
much would you expect

to pay for this roasting rack made
of spot-welded stainless steel?

59.95?

19.95.

With three vertical miniracks
for cooking Cornish game hens.

69.95?

19.95!

Plus a recipe booklet which
includes over 15 years of my recipes.

79.95?

I told you... 19.95!

The turkey rack, the
game hen roasters,

and the recipe
book, all for... 19.95!

19.95!

And if you're one
of the first 50 callers,

you'll get, free of charge,
this apron with my picture on it.

Call this number now. Our
operators are standing by. But...

No, no, no! Don't do that, dear!

I have to call the
number for the...

You are not buying that thing.

Yeah, but I have to, dear, because
it's the new rack that's comin' out.

The roast rack.

Cliff, you already have that
rack, in the basement, in a box,

where it's been sitting
for the past month.

But I don't have the
apron with his picture on it!

Hi!

Yeah, I know when I
talked to you guys before

that you didn't
believe me, so...

Well, now, hold it! You guys!

Now, I know you didn't
take me seriously before,

but I want to tell
you how serious I am!

See this book? This is a book

that Paula recommended to
me about learning disorders.

I picked it up at
the NYU bookstore.

I've already read three chapters
on the subway coming home.

You guys, I want this.

You sound serious. Well, I am!

Mom, Dad, I have never felt
this way about anything in my life.

You know, Paula was telling
me that there's some children

that need to be
taught differently.

I want to learn how to do that.

I want to educate myself.

If I get accepted into the
school in Rhode Island,

Olivia and I are out of here.

Denise, do you know how
difficult it would be to go to school

and raise a child with your
husband at sea for weeks at a time?

Well, look at Paula!
She's back in school.

She's getting a degree.

Well, of course Paula's
back in school, honey.

You're raising Paula's child.

You're married to
Paula's husband.

Oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Forgot.

Honey, don't worry about
getting out of here. Okay?

You can stay as
long as you need to.

Thanks, Mom.

I'm gonna go do
some more reading.

I'm so excited!

Now, let me ask you a question.

You had her... outta here.

And then you reeled her back in!

Why?

We have waited so long for
Denise to get serious about anything.

This is something
she really wants to do.

And Martin is at sea
for weeks at a time.

She's at home alone with Olivia.

Honey, she needs our help.

Who... is going to help me!?

Uh... [door closes]

Mom... Dad...

Justine and I talked it
over, and we decided

we're not gonna live together.

It just wasn't the right time.

Oh, I'm so thankful that
you've come to this conclusion.

Now, I know when I left
here it was under some strain,

and I'm sure we
all said some things

that we're sorry about.

Not me.

Okay, well... I know
I said some things

that I'm sorry about.

But I'm sure we're all

big enough to
forgive each other.

Not me.

Mom, I'm not
livin' with Justine.

Please don't sit on my sofa.

When are you gonna get it, Theo?

This is not just about
living with Justine.

It's about going behind our
backs and doing something

and then lying to our faces
about what it is you're doing.

I'm sorry, Mom.

It was not too long ago

you... you stood right
here and you said

something to the effect that

we were controlling you

with... with our money
and that if we thought

that you were just going to do

whatever, whatever,
that you and Justine

were going to go
on with your life.

Now, did you happen to...

think ahead of time
what would happen

if we said, "No. You can't
come back here to live"?

No, I didn't.

Of course you didn't...

because we're your safety net.

You always do this.
You go out into the world,

and you mess up. Why?

You know we're sittin' in the
house waiting to take you back in.

It's always been that way.

I know, Mom.

You come back into this house.
You listen to the speech we give

just like the one
your father just gave.

You go right back out there
in the world, you mess up,

and you always get to come
back into the house again.

Well, honey, I'm sorry.
I have had enough.

I do not have the strength
to give you the permission

to come back into this house.

So you guys are saying
I can't move back in?

I think you're gettin'
close to what...

You mean you're gonna
send me out there...

without a home in
the cold and the rain?

Mom?

Now, how long are you going

to let this fool hang out there?

Until he apologizes for real.

[pounding]

Cliff?

[sighs] Honey...

I'm a little concerned now.

It's been two hours since Theo
left, and we haven't heard from him.

Please, dear,
don't worry about it.

The boy is, uh, probably
down there on campus.

He's got a thousand friends.

He can go in. He can
sleep on their couch.

He can sleep on their floor.

He can borrow a bed from somebody
who's gone away for the weekend.

He can borrow a bed
from one of the students

who's gone forever.

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

Yes, Mr. Phillips.
How are you, sir?

Yeah, uh... okay.

Well, good. We'll...
We'll work together on it.

[chuckles heartily] Okay.

Bye-bye. Thank you.

- Well?
- Oh, that was Justine's father,

and Justine is living
back at her apartment,

and Theo is staying
at her parents' house.

Oh, he must've
really felt sorry for him.

Uh, not really.

Justine's father just
wants to make sure

that if we don't
know where Theo is,

he does.

♪♪ [theme]

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