The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 20 - Isn't It Romantic? - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

Your glasses on?

All right now, the chips are
going to be flying all over the place

so turn your face
away from this.

[buzzing]

Here we go.

- Turn your faces.
- Right.

[buzzing]

Cliff? Cliff? Cliff?

Don't come up to me
with this stuff flying!



I'm sorry, honey.

I-I just wanted to see what
you guys were doing out here.

Oh!

Carving initials.

[chuckling]

Honey, Denise and Sondra
have made some hot chocolate.

- Wouldn't you like to come inside?
- No, we don't want...

- Oh, yes!
- We would love some hot chocolate.

Well, how about you, honey?
Come on, come on inside.

No, no, no, no. I've
got to cut this down.

- I have to saw it.
- Then I'm staying here with you.

- Uh, what?
- I'm staying here with you.

Because a woman's
place is by her man.

Hit it.



Hey, the Temple-North Carolina
game is just getting ready to start.

Oh, no kidding.
That should be great.

Hey, what's up? Hey, Theo.

Where have you been?

You were supposed to
help us out there in the yard.

Oh, well, I'm sorry.

I slept right through the alarm.

I was up real late last night.

[Cliff] Really?

Studying or Justining?

I was with Justine.

Aah. Ooh.

No, no, no, no. Come on.

Chill, it wasn't that.

Justine got this new
multi-disc CD player.

So we put in six
CDs, listened to music,

and just held each other.

And when the CD's
ran out, you let go?

No.

Then we talked until
the sun came up.

Oh, that's very nice.

Yeah. I mean, things are
going so well between us now,

it's like whenever we're together
the vibes are just powerful.

Wow.

I've never seen one of
those multi-disc CD players.

You mean you can
actually put six CDs in them?

- [talking over each other]
- Wait, wait, hold... hold it.

Time out, time out, time
out. I can't believe you guys.

I mean, I'm sitting here talking
about Justine and romance,

and all you care
about is her CD player?

So what?

You can't say
anything to us, man,

until you're in the 100%
Club in the first place.

What's the 100% Club?

We are married and
we love our wives 100%.

Now, until you love your woman
100%, you can't get in this club.

But Justine and I have a
wonderful relationship as it stands.

I'm not getting married now
because I don't want to end up

in the marriage graveyard.

Marriage graveyard?

Yeah, that's where
romance goes to die.

Theo, what are
you talking about?

I just don't see the romance
with you guys anymore.

And be honest,
when was the last time

you gave your wives a
long, passionate kiss?

All the time.

Not when I'm around.

Am I supposed to call you
every time I kiss my wife?

Martin, I was over here
the other day eating,

you came back from the store,

you hadn't seen Denise all day.

You gave her a little peck on
the cheek and went in the kitchen.

Marriage graveyard!

Theo, I was carrying groceries.

Put the groceries down
and kiss the woman!

- And, Elvin...
- Hey, man, no.

Sondra and I don't live here,
so don't give me any comments

about how I romance my wife.

Elvin, last week I was
at your house. Yeah.

After dinner, we sat down
on the couch to watch a movie.

- Yeah.
- You put your head in Sondra's lap.

- Yeah.
- And you fell asleep.

Snoring loudly.

Marriage graveyard.
I don't remember that.

And, Dad...

Mm-mm, no, no.
There's no, "And, Dad."

I have five children.

I don't have to prove
anything to anybody.

Great game.

Yes! Triple!

Hey, did you see Theo jump up
and run out of here at the final buzzer?

Yeah, he goes over to Justine,
and he gets a little huggin' and kissin',

and he thinks it's romance.

Theo thinks he had a romantic
evening with Justine and those six CDs.

You know, I remember last fall,

it was a beautiful,
warm autumn evening.

And Denise and I decided
we were gonna take a walk

across the Brooklyn Bridge.

About halfway there,
she got too tired.

So I picked her up in my arms
and I carried her the rest of the way.

By the time I was
done, boy, I was tired.

Denise looks small, but,
hey, that's a long walk.

Anyway, we just found a bench
and just looked out over the East River

at the moon
reflecting on the water.

That's romance all
right. That's romance.

That was a romantic evening.

Without CDs.

Please. Romance.

What does Theo know
about being romantic?

[Cliff] I don't
think so, either.

I'll tell you a romantic
moment that Sondra and I had.

I was studying for an exam and
Sondra was in the room with Winnie.

And she was crying, and so
Sondra was taking care of it,

and I went to bed because
I have to get up early,

and, uh, I started to miss her.

So, I took the mattress off of our
bed, I brought it into Winnie's room,

and we put Winnie down between us,
and Sondra and I spent, like, 15 minutes

singing love songs to her.

And after Winnie went to bed,
we kept singing them to each other.

That... That is romantic.

Don't tell me that I
don't have romance.

[Cliff] Nobody is
going to tell you that.

I don't know what year it was.

I remember I worked about six
days in a row delivering babies

and I had about maybe 12
hours sleep in six days' time.

But each time I got
a chance to go home,

I'd look and Clair
just looked spent.

I called her
secretary and I said,

"I want you to
send a dress over,

"her dress, shoes,
a whole outfit,

to the Carlisle Hotel."

I rented a suite,
room service came up.

A little champagne,
just a taste.

We had champagne,
we had lobster,

we had everything.

Stayed overnight.

A limousine drove us home.

Now is that romance
or what, huh?

Well, Dad, I don't mean to
put you down but, you know,

anyone can have romance if they
spend money like that for it, you know.

I mean, Martin and I
use our limited resources

to create romantic
situations for our wives.

I personally think that that's
a higher form of romance.

I agree.

Are the two of you telling me
that I couldn't be as romantic

if I didn't have the big bucks?

No, all I'm saying is
that, it's been a while

since you've been
used to anything else.

- Are you busy Saturday night?
- No.

- You busy Saturday evening?
- No.

The three of us get dressed in
tuxedos, we have dinner here.

Each man, prior to the dinner,

will go out and buy
his wife a present.

There you go again. That's
buying things to create romance.

[Cliff] Let me finish.

The present is from the heart.

And each man cannot
spend any more than $25,

tax included, on the present.

I like this. Yeah?

I like this. Okay.

But how are we going to be able to
tell who's been the most romantic?

From the reaction of our wives.

And the winner will be
the Emperor of Romance.

Now do you agree?

I like this.

I accept the challenge!

All for one...

[all in unison] One for
all, and three for five.

There you go. All right!

No, Jake!

Listen to me carefully.

$25 maximum, tax included.

Something romantic for my wife.

Now you... Don't
you have something?

No, Jake!

I don't want an
electric can opener!

Now come up with something,
and you call me back.

Hey, Dad.

Hey. How you doing, man?

Hey, I hear there's a big dinner
happening here for the wives tonight.

And that you have Mr. Lamont
coming over to cook it for you.

Yes, he's an old friend
and he's returning a favor.

Well, you're welcome
for the inspiration.

Yes, well, thank you...
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Come here, come here a
sec. Let me ask you a question.

What's up?

You're a young man

and you have a
girlfriend and no money.

What was the last thing
that you can remember

that you gave her, and
when you gave it to her

she just fell apart?

She just... tears and just
hugged you and kissed you?

The other day... Yeah.

Justine mentioned that she
was out of subway tokens.

Okay.

So I went down, bought
her a ten-pack of tokens,

wrapped it up in a little
ribbon, then and I gave it to her.

Tokens?

And, Dad, she gave
me a big old kiss

right there on the
subway platform.

But then again, she gives me
those kind of kisses all the time...

because we're not married.

Ah, well, you idiot, your
mother doesn't ride the subway!

Hey, Dad. Oh-ho.

Hi, Dr. Huxtable.

Now where have you guys been?

We were shopping.

Ah, I bet you were shopping
for Denise's present.

Yes, we were. A
very special present.

Denise will love it.

How are coming
along with your gift?

The gift that I have for Mrs.
Huxtable, after everybody sees it,

the present you
have in that bag...

[Martin] Mm-hmm.

Will look like it
came out of that bag.

We will see about that.

But right now, I'm going
to go upstairs and hide this.

Uh-huh.

Olivia?

Olivia?

Come here, dear.

Haven't seen much of you.

Well, well, well.

Haven't seen that
much of you, you know?

Everything goin... So you
went over to the mall, huh?

That's right.

Nice places you went
to? Very expens...

You want to know what
we got Denise, don't you?

Yes.

I'll tell you.

We got Denise...

Hmm, would you look at that?

A nasty hangnail.

Do you ever get these?

Are you going to tell
me what the gift is or not?

I'll give you a hint,
but listen carefully.

A wet moose walks
backwards at night,

but... but an old buzzard

whistles in his sleep.

It makes no sense.

Maybe not, but I know
what Denise's present is

and you don't.

Bye-bye, Dr. Huxtable.

Hi, Dad.

[laughs]

[chattering, giggling]

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi, sweetie.

You look gorgeous.

Oh, thank you. [chuckles]

I bet you can't wait
to get your gifts.

Oops.

Um, we're getting gifts?

I didn't say that.

Oh, yes, you did.

I distinctly heard you say, "I bet
you can't wait to get your gifts."

I was not supposed to say that.

Let's change the subject.

Olivia, you know, if something's
going on that we don't know about,

maybe you should
share it with us.

Yeah!

Olivia, women
always share secrets.

Of course! That's right.

Okay, the husbands bought
you gifts, but can only spend $25.

That's what the bet was.

What bet?

Who's the most romantic.

Whoever likes their gift the
most, their husband wins.

Wait a minute, the husbands made a
bet to see who could be the most romantic?

Yes.

But you didn't
hear that from me.

Bye.

Oh! So that's what this is?

It has nothing to do with us.

- It's a bet.
- I cannot believe it.

I can't believe we're a part
of some stupid macho contest.

And where do they get
off spending only $25?

Right.

When your father gives me his gift, even
if I love it, I'm gonna look like this.

[girls laughing]

Oh, that's good, Mom.

Okay, okay, you do that,
and as soon as I open my gift...

[yawning] I think I'll
just have to fall asleep.

[girls giggling]

You guys.

I don't know, I think I'm
going to go easy on Martin.

Why? No!

Well, I'll do something
a little more delicate,

something like... [snorting]

[all laughing]

[Martin sighing]

Now... Yum!

That was sensational.

I have never had food so good,

not even aboard ship.

Well, ladies, this
evening is not over yet.

We gentlemen have a surprise
for each and every one of you.

Really? Ladies,
did you hear that?

A surprise.

How nice.

I can't wait.

Sondra... Darling, I love you.

I mean that from the
bottom of my heart.

I'd like to give you this.

And I hope that it means as
much to you as it means to me.

[yawns loudly]

Oh... Oh, excuse me. [chuckles]

I don't know what came over me.

[laughs nervously]

I know you've always
wanted a string of pearls.

Since I couldn't afford to get you
that, I thought I'd get you one pearl,

and then add another one to this
string every year of our lives together.

Oh, Elvin...

Oh, honey, I love
the thought of that.

Thank you! [chuckling]

[clearing throat]

On our first date,
you kissed me.

And as I walked back to my ship,

I used this handkerchief to
wipe the lipstick from my lips.

You saved that?

[Martin] And this...

This is the flower that
you wore in your hair

when we were married
on a hill in Africa.

Open it.

And this is a time capsule.

Read the inscription.

"February 22nd, 2040."

That's 50 years from now.

When we buy our
first home together,

we're going to bury
this in the backyard.

And 50 years from this date,

we're gonna open it... together.

Oh, my God.

This is the most loving present
you could have given me.

[Denise whispering] Thank you.

Many years ago...

a teenage boy, very,
very early in his teens,

walked with his girlfriend.

And they went to the drugstore

to share a soda.

And his girlfriend
looked at a barrette

made of wood with
a glass stone in it.

Cost about 50 cents.

And she admired that barrette,

but the young teenage
boy had no money to buy it.

However, for tonight's occasion,

I was fortunate.

I called and I called, and
I found a collectibles store

that had one of these
same wooden barrettes

with the glass
stone in the center.

And so, I feel
that it's important

for my bride who
admired that barrette

to open it and wear it tonight.

- You remember that?
- Yes.

You called long-distance
for that barrette?

Yes.

- That's very sweet, Cliff.
- Thank you.

But I never wanted the barrette.

But... But you said...
When... When we...

When you looked
in... When you...

Eunice Chantilly...

wore that barrette
and I said it was tacky.

What I wanted...

was a green
plastic bracelet, Cliff,

not that tacky barrette.

This is...

Oh, Cliff! Oh!

♪♪ [theme]

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