The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 2 - Surf's Up - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

What's happening, homey?

My, what have you got there?

I got a refrigerator
I bought for my son.

Jake gave me a great deal on it,
and I'm taking it over to his apartment.

Just wanted you to
see it before I went over.

That is great. Yes, indeed.

That is going to go
beautifully in his bedroom.

You... You've been
over to his apartment?

And I've not been
invited over there yet.



Well, I just went over there to help
him select a color for his bed spread.

Well, why would... why would
he invite you over for color?

I know color.

Well, I think he wanted
a woman's touch.

A man knows colors just
like a woman knows co...

Ask me a color, go ahead.
I'll bet you I'll know it.

Now, why is it my son doesn't want
me to come over to his apartment?

Because of the stories you tell.

What stories?

Every time you get around
Theo and his friends,

you go off into these
long, rambling stories.

Your eyes roll up in
the back of your head.

You have no idea what
this does to the listener.

You see, people have to
sit and listen to you do this.



And they begin to feel like
their lives are very short.

I have seen Theo and his
friends actually sneak out of a room

just to get away from you.

Since I'm helping to pay for
that space that he's living in,

I'm going to take this
refrigerator over to his apartment,

and I am going to
go into his apartment.

Why? Because I
have a refrigerator.

And if his friends are there, if I
decide I'm going to tell a story,

I'm going to what?

Tell a story. Why?

Because I'm paying
for the space, that's why.

And if I want to talk
for a week, I will what?

Talk for a week

while they can get up all
they want to and go where?

Outside.

And I will go outside
talking to them.

And if they decide to
run, I will run beside them,

tell them my story if it takes
two weeks or three weeks.

Why? Because I'm
talking about what?

Philosophy.

I'm telling people about life.

I'm trying to give them a shortcut so
that they don't take the long way around,

and the next thing you know,
there's people that are doing things

that they ought
not necessarily do.

But see, that's all right. You
can leave, too, because I'll talk...

If nobody's there,
I'll keep talking.

Why? Because I love myself,
and I know what I'm saying.

All right, we're all hooked
up in the kitchen, boys.

All right, well, the tube's set.

We're strapped.

Gentlemen, our latest invention
is going to bring us one step closer

to living in a state
of complete laziness.

The interroom...
beverage transport system.

[gears chugging]

Here we go.

Guys, I must say

I lucked out finding
two engineering majors

to be my roommates.

Your admiration
inspires us, Theo. Hey.

[pounding at door]

Open up the door!
It's your father!

[mouthing]

Hey, Dad!

Uh, you came over!

You're darn right I came over!

That's right, and
I'm coming in, too.

Come in. Ha ha.

And if I want to,
I'm sitting down.

Now, you see.

And I bought something for you.

- What is it?
- It's a refrigerator.

All right. Yeah.

Thanks, Dad! I needed this.

You're darn right.

And this was given to you by a person
that you haven't invited over here yet.

But... You're darn right.

I'm glad you're here
now. Yeah, sure you are.

- You gotta meet my roommates.
- Mm-hmm.

This is Danny, and this is Glen.

- That's right, I'm meeting...
- How are you, sir?

- I'm meeting roommates, too.
- Nice to meet you, sir.

Darn right.

They're both engineering majors.

Yeah, well, I'm
sitting down, too.

Hah!

You look like a man who enjoys
a good root beer, Dr. Huxtable.

I've been known to partake
of a root beer now and then.

Darn right.

[clanking]

[guys laughing]

Danny and Glen designed
this, and I helped them build it.

Where's this coming from,
the supermarket next door?

Well, let us have a toast here.

And may you two,
whatever you have,

rub off onto
whatever he doesn't.

Oh, boy.

Hah!

Good root beer.

But you know,
the best root beer...

that I ever had...

I was in Manitoba, Canada.

And this root beer was called

Big Moose Root Beer.

Big Moose Root Beer.

Ah, yes indeed.

And... uh, it was
good root beer.

Thanks, Dad. You're welcome.

Dr. Huxtable, tell us more.

I'd like to hear more
about the root beer.

I'll... I'll make this short.

Big Moose Root Beer
was stored and aged

in real, real wood.

Mr. Howser...

you ask him for a ham sandwich.

Mr. Howser would wash
his hands every time

before he made a ham sandwich.

Dad, they asked
you about root beer

a long time ago.

I get the connection.

It's about time.

You see, back in the old days,
they took time to do things right.

[Danny] Yeah.

Yeah! Yeah!

I love the way you weave
these themes together.

When I was in
college, oh, man, we...

See, we just didn't hang
around chasing after girls.

We... There was eight of us.

- Lived in an apartment...
- Uh-huh.

We actually lived in a building,

two-story building, 27 of us.

Wow!

And so our parents
were going to come

to visit us, and we hadn't
cleaned that house up good,

oh, I guess it must have
been two, three months.

[Glen whistles]

We poured buckets
of water on the floor,

so you had a level of water,

oh, must have been about...

about that high.

On the floor? Yeah.

And then we put
on our bathing trunks

and taped sponges to the bottom.

You're talking about
a good time, man.

Just run and... whoosh,

on across the floor.

We had a guy... A guy
whose name was Bumpy.

He was 6'3"... 6 foot 3...

Weighed 155 pounds.

He did the corners.

Hey.

Cliff, you've been gone all
day. Where have you been?

Well, I spent most of
the day at the hospital,

but that was after
I spent a few hours

at Theo's apartment.

You did not.

And I wanted to leave
after about 20 minutes,

but his roommates kept asking me

to tell stories.

You told stories?

I certainly did.

What stories did you tell?

Oh, Clair, it was
so many, I just...

I told them about when I
entered the talent contest

when I was pledging
the fraternity,

and how I sang my
John Henry song.

[deep voice] ♪ John Henry ♪

♪ Was hittin' that hammer down ♪

Cliff, that's enough.

♪ Henry, Henry ♪
Thank you.

♪ And he had a 12-pound hammer ♪

Thank you.

- ♪ And he hit... ♪
- Thank you. Thank you.

- What's wrong with you?
- Thank you.

No, no, no, the boys enjoyed it.

Let me tell you the
best part of the visit.

I had to leave, I told
them, because I had to go.

And I walked to the car
and Theo was with me.

He put his arm around me,

my shoulder, and he said,

"Dad, my roommates
really loved you.

And for the first time, I really
saw you as an interesting person."

And he gave me
a hug, and he said,

"I just didn't see
you as my father,

I saw you as my friend."

Cliff... that's pitiful.

Oh, hi.

Theo, what are you doing?

Well, I have a problem.

Glen, Danny, and I were
thrown out of our apartment.

I have to have all my
stuff out by tomorrow,

so I guess I have
to live here again.

What happened?

Well, after Dad left, we started
sliding across the kitchen floor.

And you were
making a lot of noise?

No, it wasn't the noise.

The water leaked down into
the landlord's apartment below us.

What water?

We threw five
buckets of soapy water

on the kitchen floor,

and then we tied
sponges to our butts.

You tied sponges to your butts?

Well, yeah, to slide
across the floor on.

Oh, Theo, where did you
get such a ridiculous idea?

Dad told us this story about how
he did the same thing in college.

Cliff, I told you not to go
around telling those stories.

Now you see what happened?

Are you telling me that
because I told the story

and this boy...
That it's my fault?

Where did he get the idea from?

Look, I also... Shut up!

I also told him the
story about John Henry,

who was a steel-driving man.

The boy didn't go out
and drive any steel!

I told him how his mother
worked hard and had children

while going through law school.

Has he had a baby?

Has he tried to go
through law school?

Has he tried to study hard?

No! So how can that be my fault?

It's not my fault.

I'm going to take a nap.

And I know that you and
Theo are going to work this out

man to man and friend to friend.

Just stay off my
kitchen floor, both of you.

Hey, everyone, dinner's ready!

[Kids] Yay!

Ah, boy!

Oh!

Hey, little ones.

Little ones, little ones

Denise made it all herself.

[Denise] That's right.

Winnie and Nelson, did
you wash your hands?

Did you wash your hands?

Looks good to me. Let's pig out.

Decoration. Hey.

Hey, Dad. How you doing?

Hey, Dad. How are you doing?

Oh. Um... is
there... Is there...

Whose place is that?

Oh, Dad, I'm sorry.

I guess since Theo's back, I
forgot we had another person.

I didn't set another chair.

Well, set it.

Well, Rudy, you didn't do much.

Why don't you
set the extra chair?

Dad, do you think it can
wait until after dinner?

[laughs] I was just kidding.

Dad, I bet you didn't think this house
would ever be this full again, did you?

It's just like the old days.

Yes, just like the old days.

And who asked you? Mwah!

Maybe we should hang a sign outside:
Huxtable Hotel, we turn nobody away.

[mocking Theo's laugh]

You're not back yet.

Dad, you have to let him stay.

You're the one who got him thrown
out of his apartment in the first place.

Great story, Dad.

I can just picture you back in
college, surfing along the kitchen floor.

Yeah, I want to tie
sponges to my behind.

Surf's up!

You're so adorable.
Isn't she adorable, Dad?

Surf's up.

I heard the joke
the first time, okay?

Do me a favor.

This dinner is wonderful, but
I've got to make a run, okay?

Where you going?

Don't... Don't worry. I
just want to make a run.

Okay?

Mm, this is good,
isn't it? This is great.

This is very good.
This is so good.

You saw the damage to
the apartment downstairs.

Now, look what
they've done to this wall.

Now, how am I going to rent
this apartment with all this...

This, this thing
that's sticking out?

Look at it. Look... Look at it.

And come here, come here.

I want you to see what
they did in the kitchen.

Look, look. Huh?

Look what they
did in the kitchen.

All those tiles have
to be pulled out.

Every stinking one of them.

Surfing on the...
on the kitchen.

What were those
boys thinking of?

Where did they get
that insane idea?

Mr. Fuentes,
they're college boys.

You know, they don't think.

No, no, no, I don't
blame the boys.

You know who's responsible?

The parents.

The parents today are too easy.

Their boys don't grow up to be men,
they just keep them like little children

so they will ask their
mommies and poppies

to wipe the spit
off their faces.

Sometimes the children don't behave
the way you teach them, Mr. Fuentes.

No, no, no.

My two boys, they do
everything to make me proud.

My oldest son is a surgeon.

A big surgeon.

My youngest is a student
at Cornell University.

He's studying there.

He's there on a
full scholarship.

Books included!

I finished cleaning up
all the broken plaster.

All right, Tito.

Should I tell throw
this in the incinerator?

Incinerator? Are you crazy?

You can't put plaster
in an incinerator.

I'm going to get
fined by the city.

A bigger fine than the last time
when you tried to burn the rubber tires.

Put this in the dumpster.

Okay, Pop.

Mr. Fuentes? Hmm?

Did he call you Pop?

Who?

The little fella that came in
carrying the big barrel there.

He... Is that your son?

You... You think he
looks like my son?

Well, I mean, he called you Pop.

No, no.

He's a worker.

Oh, okay.

Everybody calls me Pop.

Oh, Pop, I forgot.

Mom wants you to pick up
some ground chuck for dinner.

Uh, pardon me, pardon me.

What is your last name?

Fuentes.

No, it is not. I
told you it is not!

Now get out of here.

Uh, pardon me. Sir?

Are you his son?

I don't know. Am I, Pop?

[speaking Spanish]

Huh?

Why didn't you learn Spanish?

You know, you make me ashamed.

Now get out of my face.

Okay, Pop.

Don't forget the ground chuck.

You know Mom.

Mr. Fuentes, please,
I would appreciate it

if you would reconsider
letting the boys back in

if they'd behave, please.

Well, I don't know.

Maybe all this can be
covered by insurance,

but who will compensate
me for the emotional stress?

Everything I have suffered?

Well, um, what if...

What if I add an
extra $20 a month?

- $20?
- 30.

I have suffered much.

30, 30, 30, then.

And my wife, Carmelita,
she has suffered, too.

40.

I welcome your
son with open arms.

Thank you.

You send your son
to me. Thank you.

Ah... America is
a wonderful place,

where everybody
gets a second chance.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

All right.

Send the $40 in cash.

♪♪ [rap on TV]

Hey! Hey, Dad.

All right. There you go.

Hey, I was going
to watch a movie.

What's up? No,
no, don't have time.

You're out of here. Let's go.

Hey.

Where am I going to live?

Mr. Fuentes has let you and
your friends back in the apartment.

Let's hit it. Come on.

All right.

Thanks, Dad. You'd
better go pack up.

What's the rush? I
can go in the morning.

No, no, no, you can't
go in the morning.

You have to get out of here now.

You have to go back down there.

Now, you're in the apartment.

Mr. Fuentes says
you can come in.

There'll be no partying,

no building things in the apartment
that will tear the place down,

and you got to stop sliding on the floor
with the soap suds and things like that.

From now on, you just go to sleep,
you get up, you study, you go to class.

You go to class, you study,
you go to sleep, you eat, that's it.

Then graduation. Yay!

But, Dad, what kind
of existence is that?

School's not just for studying.

I want to experience all
that college has to offer.

I want to live a
full campus life.

How much more of a full
campus life do you want,

being thrown out
of your apartment?

How full do you want it? Jail?

You understand?
All right, come on.

Get your stuff.
You've got to go.

Don't get dressed!

You don't need to because
you're a college student,

and this is the way
you should dress.

My goodness.

You look wonderful like this.

Keep moving. Just go.

Ah... Oh, boy.

Now I got him out,

and I'm coming back for the twins
and all the other people under 4'1".

♪♪ [theme]

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