The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 6, Episode 15 - Denise Kendall: Singles Counselor - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

This is the best elevator
music I've ever heard.

Uh-oh.

[Cliff] Has anybody
seen my work gloves?

[Clair] Uh, yeah, honey.

I put 'em in the kitchen,
underneath the sink.

[Cliff] Okay!

What are you doing?

Just chilling.

Would you come in the
kitchen for a minute, please?

What for?



Oh, just want you
to see something.

Okay. I can sing
Blue Suede Shoes.

No, this is not
Star Search, dear.

[humming softly]

Just take a look around,
see if you notice anything.

[singing softly]

Just look around.

Notice anything yet?

I think you did it.

Okay, I did it.

But everything in
this house is too high.

I can't even reach it.

This house is
only for big people.

Yes. But one day...



One day, you will grow tall,

and you will be the same
size as the big people.

So don't worry, okay?

Now let me... let me
help you with something.

You want paper towels?

Fine.

I'm gonna give you
your own paper towels.

Now you take these, and
you know what you can do?

- What?
- You take care of these.

First of all, I don't want you
to take them and ball them up

and make snowballs out of them.

And I don't want you to take
these and put them in the toilet bowl

to see if they will
soak up all the water.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Now, another thing is this:

If you want something
and it's out of your reach,

do me a favor, please?

Go ask a tall person.

He'll get it for you, all right?

Okay. From now
on, that's what I do.

- Right.
- Thank you, Dr. Huxtable.

You're welcome.

Yeah, and that'll be the day.

Okay, I have to admit it.

I didn't think I
could get so excited

listening to someone
talk about the environment.

But that professor
was so passionate.

I know. I'm definitely
signing up for all six lectures.

I mean, it amazes me,

the way he talked about things
that you never even think about.

I mean, everyone knows

that the rain forests in the
Amazon are disappearing.

But, I mean, you just
ever think about the...

Like, for instance, the statistics
in... In Brooklyn. I mean,

the concentrations
of carbon monoxide

in the bridges and the tunnels we use?
It just... I don't know what's happening...

Hi! Ready to order?

Oh. Um...

Yeah, I'll have the,
uh, fruit tart, please.

Okay. And you?

Oh. I'll have the first
thing on the menu.

Um, that's quite a dessert.

Yeah. Quite a dessert.

Hey, Vanessa. Do you want
some worms on top of that?

Uh-huh.

- Hey.
- Huh?

- Would you wake up?
- Oh!

Denise, he's so cute!

And he looks my age!

[sigh] I'd love to meet him.

So go over and say hello.

Oh, come on. I'd
be too embarrassed.

Why? What's the worst thing
he could say, "I'm not interested"?

I would die if he said
something like that!

Now I'm definitely not
gonna go over there!

You may never see this guy
again! It's your last chance.

Go ahead. Go.

Okay!

Tell me what to say.

Say hello.

Hello? That's the best
you could give me?

I could come up with hello.

Okay, okay. Hello
is just for starters.

Say something like, um...

Say, "Excuse me.

"I've never come up to
someone like this before.

Please don't say anything to
discourage me from doing it again."

- I like it!
- Yeah.

- Did you just come up with that?
- Yeah. It was pretty good, wasn't it?

Denise, that is brilliant!

- I'm gonna go over there.
- Good.

Excuse me. I've never come
up to someone like this before,

so please don't say anything to
discourage me from doing it again.

Go. Go.

Oo! Oo! Oo! Oo!

Uh, excuse me.

Yes?

Excuse me.

Yes?

Sugar. I came to
borrow your sugar.

What are you doing here?

I couldn't say it.

You want to meet him,
you're gonna have to do it.

I want you to take the
bull by the horns and go on.

Why can't I just wait for
him to ask for his sugar back?

No! Besides, you don't want
to waste my great line. Now go.

[sighs]

Go on. Okay, okay, I'll do it.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Oh, hi.

I've never come up to
somebody like this before.

Oh, I didn't mind.
I don't use sugar.

So please don't say anything to
discourage me from doing it again.

Huh?

Uh, would you like to sit down?

Yes!

He asked me to sit down!

Why are you sitting here?

Oh, no.

Oh... I can't go
back over there.

He's gonna think I'm stupid,
Denise. I came and sat over here!

Now calm down. Here, here,
here. Take back the sugar.

Oh, that's a good idea!

I'm back.

I'm Elliot.

I'm Vanessa.

I've never come up to
somebody like this before.

You mentioned that.

Here you go.

You really like
dessert, don't you?

Oh. Hey, Mom.

Hey.

I think I found out what
I want to do with my life.

No!

The environmental
lecture was good for you?

Oh, that. Yeah, that was good.

But Vanessa and
I were in the café,

and she sees this
cute guy that she likes,

but she's too scared
to go over to him,

so I coach her, and I give her
this really great line to say to him.

Mom, when I left that café,

the two of them were
having this fabulous time.

I really have a talent for this.

I think... I don't know. I think I
might be a singles counselor.

That's a good idea. 'Course, I
don't know if it's such a good idea

to mix matters of the heart
with members of the family.

Your father and I have always
avoided that with you girls.

I know, but I mean... you can
really change someone's life

by introducing them to
the right person, you know?

I mean, this... this could
be the right guy for Vanessa.

[Denise] Ooh.

Hey, Vanessa. Where's
the engagement ring?

[chuckles]

There isn't gonna be any.

Denise, you said, "What is the
worst thing that can happen?"

I don't need your help. I can
get myself into this kind of trouble.

He asked me to go
to the movies with him.

So what is wrong with that?

He asked me if he
could meet my parents!

And then I look up, and
there's this girl standing there.

Shana.

His girlfriend of
the past six months.

He didn't mention
her to me once.

Well, what did he say?

Nothing! He pretended
he didn't know who I was!

This is the most humiliating
moment of my entire life.

And there have been
many. Thank you, Denise.

Thank you for
pushing me into this.

Me? Come on, Vanessa!
I was just tryin' to help!

Help? [doorbell chimes]

I don't need...

It's him!

Elliot.

How does he know where you live?

I gave him my phone
number and address.

That was before Shana.

Denise, you get rid of
him. This is your fault.

I don't want him in this house!

Ohh...

Mom, what do I do?

Open the door.

[sigh]

Hello. You're
Denise, right? Yes,

yes. Hello, Elliot.

May I come in?
It... It's cold. Sure.

Might be colder in here.

Look, I can understand
why Vanessa's upset.

Mm-hmm. But I
just wanted to tell her

that I'm almost ready
to break up with Shana.

- Oh!
- The reason I haven't done it

already is because Shana
has a very strong personality.

Mm-hmm. Now, please,

just ask Vanessa
if she'll see me.

Okay.

Vanessa?

What?

Elliot wants to see you.

No! He is history!

Get him out of this house!

Need I say more?

I've gotta find a way
to get Vanessa back.

You were never with her.

But I want to be with her.

I'm gonna break
up with Shana today.

Whatever you say, dude.
I'll walk you to the door.

Wait, wait! Tell me... I need your
help! Tell me what to say to her.

Me? Yeah!

Vanessa told me how
you gave her that great line

when she came over
to the table today?

Just give me a line that
sort of does the opposite.

No. No, no, no. I'm out of this.

Oh, please. It's
for your sister.

I want to show her how
much she means to me.

What do I say to Shana?

Well... uh, you
should be honest.

How?

Tell Shana that you've treasured
the moments that you've had with her,

but, um, but now
it's time to move on.

Fantastic.

That's fantastic. You really
know what you're doing.

That's exactly
what I'm gonna say.

Great. Oh.

And tell Vanessa
when I get back...

my heart will be free:

free like... like an
empty paper cup,

blowing in the wind...

in a deserted parking lot.

How is that?

Awful.

Man, I need help
with these things.

Yeah.

Yo. What's up?

Hey. Hi.

Listen, you're late,

but you're just in time
for some stew that I made.

It's special. Go ahead, dig in.

No, thanks, Dad. I already ate.

I made my own
dinner in my apartment.

What? What?

Yeah. I had a pepper steak,

sautéed vegetables,
German-style potato salad.

Must've been frozen.
Must've been frozen.

But I didn't have dessert.

Hey, Rudy, I need a fork.

Here. Quarter.

Bill me.

Theo, what are you reading?

Oh. Moby Dick.

[Cliff] All right! Well, now.

That's one of the seven
books I have to read

for my American novel class.

Now, let me tell you about it.

I'm going over some reading
comprehension techniques

with my dyslexia
counselor. It's not so tough.

Right. Do you know in all

of American literature, this
is probably the best example

of good versus
evil? There you go.

Mom, I'd say the destructiveness
and the chaos of the whale

could be interpreted as evil.

Son, I'm not talking
about the whale.

I'm talking about Captain Ahab

and his need to conquer
and destroy nature.

- Yeah. But you see...
- You know what's funny, Mom?

When I was in high school,

Moby Dick read to me

just as... as an heroic
tale of man against nature.

Ah, yeah, but you see...

But now that I'm
reading it again,

it reads more like an
allegory of man's inner conflict.

- There you go. But...
- You are studying this book!

Mm-hmm... Hey,
just call me Ishmael.

Well, it sounds like
you two, uh, are into this.

I think I'll just go
into the living room.

But I have gone fishing.

Whoa, whoa. Wait. Whoa.

[whistles]

I told you not to
climb up on things.

I want to read a book
like big people read.

Okay, you want to read a book?

Okay. What, uh... here.

Here we... Here's a
book. Look at that. Ha ha!

Let me open it and see what...

No, that one has pictures.
I want a big person's book.

That one. That brown one.

- You want this brown one?
- Please? Please, please.

Which one?

- See that one with the colors on it?
- This one?

- Yeah, that one.
- You... You want to read

Robertson's Guide to
Behavioral Tendencies

in Problem Adolescents?

Yeah, that's the one!

You want to read
this? Okay, fine. Fine.

No, no, no, no. Come on,
come on. We're gonna read this.

Let me have it.

You got it. I'm
gonna let you have it.

All right. Now, you
just sit down there...

and here is the...

- The book for you...
- Okay.

Now, you go ahead,
and you read that.

Let me see if I
can find my page.

Okay. Here we go.

Enjoying it?

Yes. Mm-hmm.

Well, what does it say?

Once upon a time... Yes?

There was a little
girl named Olivia.

Now, wait a minute. How did you
get to "a little girl named Olivia"?

I mean, is... is there... Is
there a paper towel in this?

Shh. Don't talk
while I'm reading.

Oh, I'm sorry.

"Once upon a time, there
was a little girl named Olivia.

"She had best friend

who was a paper towel
named Herman. The end."

Wait a minute.

The end?

How can that be
the end of the story?

Nothing happened.

Don't look at me. I
didn't write this book.

[doorbell rings]

[sigh]

Hi, Denise.

Hi, Elliot. Come in.

Vanessa! Uh, Elliot's here!

I'll be down in a minute!

[snaps fingers]

So, how you doin'?

Fine. Great.

Just think... 24 hours...

didn't even know Vanessa,
and here you are in her house,

thanks to my advice,

ready to take her on a date.

Sit down.

Yeah. I guess I
owe this all to you.

Well, you know.

I'm a person who
sees people with needs,

and I have the talent to
help them get what they want.

Uh, you know, Shana didn't take
it too well when I broke up with her.

Oh, that's understandable.

These things are difficult
and take time to get over.

[doorbell rings]

That's Shana.

What?

She drove me here.

[doorbell rings]

What?

She wants to see you. [chuckles]

Um...

Elliot!

Thi... Uh...

This is very awkward.

How can you let her do that?

I told you. She's a
strong personality.

[doorbell rings]

She's gonna keep doin'
that until you let her in.

Oh, hello.

Who is Denise?

Me.

I'll talk to you in a minute.

I thought I told you
to break the date

and come back out to the
car so we can go to the library.

I was going to.

But when I came in
here, I got confused.

What is there to
be confused about?

You dump Vanessa,
and you go out with me.

Well, Elliot, I'm...

Vanessa. You remember Shana.

[Denise] I know
there's probably a lot

of anxiety being felt
in the room right now,

but, you know, I think
the best way to avoid

an ugly situation is
just to remain calm.

Just remain calm, and, uh,

let's, uh, talk about
our feelings rationally.

Well, who asked you?

I mean, this is all
your fault anyway.

You convinced Elliot
to break up with me.

I did not. It was his idea. He
just asked me for some advice.

Advice? You can't give
a guy like him advice.

Look at him. He's weak.

Anything you tell
him to do, he'll do it.

That's not true.

Is it?

See? He can't help it.

He's the baby of the family.

His parents do
everything for him.

They buy his clothes.

They drive him everywhere.

They pick up after him.

On his own, he practically
doesn't even exist.

Now, wait a minute.

I happen to like this guy.

Elliot, are you just gonna stand here
and let her talk about you like that?

Aren't you offended?

I guess I should be!

Shouldn't I?

Did you hear that?

He doesn't even know
when he's offended.

Come here.

Denise, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a minute?

Uh, stay right there, folks.
We're gonna work this thing out.

Ahem.

Look, Denise. You
gotta get me out of this.

Me?

I don't want to be
with a guy like Elliot.

Look at him! He's such a wimp!

Who needs a boyfriend like that?

You go in there and tell
him that the date is off.

Oh, don't worry. He came
over to break the date anyways.

Well, you tell him
I'm breaking it first.

No! I'm not gonna do that.

Who are those two
people in the living room?

Elliot and his old
girlfriend Shana.

Mom, Denise has made
such a huge mess out of this.

Me. I am out of it.

You go tell Elliot it's over.

No. Wait a minute.
Vanessa, wait.

I'm not gonna do that. Wa...

Mom, would you make her come
back down here and do it herself?

Oh, you don't need my help,
dear. You're doing a fine job.

Oh, so you're just gonna stand there
and pour some juice while I suffer alone.

No. As a matter of fact, I'm
also having a piece of cake.

Hello. Okay, here's how it is.

Elliot, Vanessa's
breaking up with you now.

My advice to you is to grow
up, be a man, get a spine.

Shana, if I've upset your life
in any way, I'm really sorry.

No. Don't worry about it.

I'm kinda glad
this all happened.

I don't know if I belong with you.
I'm gonna have to think about it.

Elliot, good night and good-bye.

Wait. Uh...

This is really bad.

I think.

Yes, Elliot, it is.

I don't know how I'm gonna
get home. Shana drove me.

Look... you've
had a rough night,

and I'm partly responsible.
I will drive you home.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah. Where do you live?

Norwalk, Connecticut.

What? Norwalk, Connecticut?

That's at least an hour away!

Yeah. I guess I should've thought of that
before I had Shana drive me down here.

Oh! Yeah!

[sigh] Forget it. I'll
take you anyways.

What's the best way to go?

I don't know.

My parents always drive me.

Forget it. I'll stop at
a gas station. Okay?

Okay.

Oh. [chuckles]

Okay, Elliot. I've
thought about it.

I tried to live without
you. I can't do it.

And you can't live
without me, either.

I can't? No.

You are my man.

Good luck, and if
you ever need advice,

don't call me.

♪♪ [theme]

[Announcer] The
Cosby Show was taped

before a studio audience.

Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA