The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 5, Episode 6 - The Birth: Part 1 - full transcript

♪♪

♪♪

Theo, what's taking you so long?

I can't follow some of
my philosophy notes.

Let me see.

Theo, no wonder you
can't follow your notes.

Your handwriting looks
like chicken scratches.

Well, maybe to you,
but I can understand it.

Yeah? What does that say?

Plate of meat, soccer Tuesday.

Is that Plato meets Socrates?



Oh, I guess it is.

But why did I write
down Spumoni?

That's probably Spinoza.

He's the philosopher
we studied yesterday.

Oh, right. Spinoza.

He's the guy who said
truth can only be proven

by a series of
interrelated propositions.

Very good.

See, Theo, it's not that you
don't understand this stuff.

It's you take lousy notes.

Here, look at mine.

I have everything
written in columns.

Philosopher, dates,
books written, and theories.

Sounds like you're pretty
proud of yourself, huh?



Yeah.

Well, all I know is a guy like
you needs someone like me

to help him reach
his full potential.

You know, I think you're right.

Ahem!

Um... Hey, Dad, how you doing?

Hi, Dr. Huxtable. We were just
getting ready for our study group.

What, linguistics?

Um, Theo, is it okay if I go in
the kitchen and get a snack?

Sure, go ahead.

Would you bring some
ice water back for my son?

You know, I've always been
meaning to put a stop light back there...

Red, yellow, green...

You know, so I wouldn't
walk in on anything.

It's not what you think, Dad.

Really?

We're going to have a very
serious discussion group over.

- In fact, Howard's coming.
- Howard?

Howard must be
from another planet.

The professors at NYU don't
know what to do with him.

You're kidding.

He's pulling hard
A-pluses in every subject.

I love Howard.

Check out how Howard studies.

When he's reading a book,

and there's a footnote
that mentions another book,

Howard reads the
other book, Dad.

Howard.

Then he writes a two- or three-page
summary on that book for himself.

He even puts footnotes on that.

Dad, the man is a legend.

He almost has an odor.

Whew!

Hark, the legend arrives.

Hey, Howard.

Yo, Theo.

You have a problem getting here?

Yeah, well, I did get
lost a couple of times.

But then again I believe that
some of our greatest discoveries

emerge from a
state of being lost.

Really? Well, let
me ask you this.

Is being found a state that can only
be entered by those who are lost?

Oh, existential, my brother.

Not to mention pragmatic.

I want you to meet my dad,
Dr. Huxtable. This is Howard.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Yes, sir, my pleasure.

Are you a doctor of
medicine or philosophy?

Officially medicine.

But I am always searching
for truth in what is real,

because real is rational,

and what is rational is real.

Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.

Ooh, the boy's mean.

How'd you know that, Dad?

I think, therefore I am.

Descartes,
ontologist. Deal with it.

Hi, Howard.

Hi, Justine.

I thought you
were bringing Julia.

Yeah, you said we were
finally going to meet her.

You will. I asked her to come over,
and I also asked her to be on time.

A stitch in time saves nine.

Well, you know, actually
that saying is derived

from the Roman
poet Ovid, who wrote...

Ooh.

Speak the Latin.

Speak the Latin, my friend.

Well, I have to go downstairs,

but I will be right back,
which is a dimension of time

as opposed to right now.

I'll get it.

Is this the Huxtable residence?

Huxtable residence?

Yeah... Huxtable... residence.

Hi, Julia!

Howard, I'm sorry I'm late.

That's all right.

Hey, no problem.

I'm very glad you made it.

Uh, to discuss philosophy,
which is why we're all here, right?

Let's get started.

We can go upstairs and
start discussing philosophy.

I mean, that is kind of
why we're all here, right?

Oh, Julia, have you met Justine?

Hey, hey, hey,
where are you going?

We're going to my room
to discuss philosophy, Dad.

Yeah, well, make sure
everybody's vertical.

Hey!

Whoa! Look out, big train.

How long are you going
to carry this around?

Give it up. Give it up, I said.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, what's happening?

Okay, honey, sit down.

No, no, Elvin. If I sit down
there, I'm never going to get up.

Well, you better
do the thing, man.

There you go.

All right.

Yeah, because you see, Elvin,

you don't understand,
the woman in that situation,

they sit on the sofa like this.

They can't come up out of it.

Everybody's left, and
they're still sitting there.

She's going to deliver
any second now.

Oh, Elvin, I am not.

Honey, that was a contraction
you had in the car on the way here.

It was not. It was a
pre-labor contraction.

Dad, I've been having
these for the last few days.

Now Elvin has rushed me
to the hospital three times,

and each time
they've sent us home.

I'm timing it, Dad.

Since the one in the car, it's
been eight minutes and 38 seconds.

If the next one comes
in below 15 minutes,

then you got
something to work with.

Eight minutes, 48,
49... Is Mom here?

Yeah, in the kitchen.

- Wha... there you go.
- Are you okay, honey?

- Yes, I'm fine.
- Are you going to be all right?

Yes, thank you.

Put your arms out. You don't
want to open the door with it.

You think I'm overreacting, Dad?

Listen, man, that's my
daughter and my grandchild.

You overreact all day.

If you never do anything
better the rest of your life,

overreact now.

Elvin, would you please
tell me what this watch is?

I bought this for
Sondra's pregnancy.

Yeah, but, Elvin, this is one of those
cheap watches from the wilderness store.

The only thing this is good for is
clocking how far the geese go south.

Mom, sometimes I feel like
I'm going to be pregnant forever.

This is your first
child, Sondra.

They always make
you suffer the most,

even after they're born.

Hey, I was your firstborn.

I know.

All right.

Hi, Mom.

Sondra, I'm sorry
I left you alone.

It was only for 36
seconds. Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

Any pains?

Yes, you.

Good, good.

What? What?

Oh, I need to lie down.

No, no, don't let her lie down!

She's not allowed to do that?

No, no, don't let her lie down.

Mom, I need to lie down!

Honey, no. Stay up!

Come on, do your job, boy!

All right. Hold up.

I think this... what time?

What? Ten minutes, 38 seconds.

Ten min... contraction!

It's time, the car, the
hospital, I'm a father!

- Elvin, honey, please!
- Take it easy now!

One step at a time here.

Right, right. I
will call Dr. Taylor

and get everything
all set up, all right?

Yes, yes, I agree.

Oh, Dad, remember you promised Elvin
and I no special treatment at the hospital.

Okay, fine. I'll just have them set
up a tent outside in the parking lot.

Uh, I'll get the car!

Do you have the
bags packed, honey?

Yes, Dad, the
bag's in the trunk.

Elvin packed it the day he
found out I was pregnant.

Easy, take it
easy. There you go.

Oh, baby, oh, my baby!

Come on! Where's the
suit... Wait a minute, Elvin!

Elvin! Elvin, you're
forgetting your wife!

Mrs. Tibideaux, you'll
come with me to the room.

Mr. Tibideaux, if you could fill out
the forms with the nurse at the desk.

Mr. Tibideaux. Mr. Tibideaux!

Will you please
let... Honey, it's okay.

Yeah?

Okay.

Bye-bye, honey.

Okay, thank you.

Don't start without me.

All right, uh-huh.

Mm, I know. Me, too.

Okay, bye.

Fill out the forms.

I need to fill out
some forms right away.

Yeah, I have to fill
out some forms, too.

I'm sorry, pal, I have to go
first. My wife is having a baby.

My wife's having a baby, too.

My wife. She's still in the car.

Can you believe some people?

Let me help you, just answer
the following questions. Name.

Tibideaux, Sondra.

Your first name is Sondra?

No, that's my wife's name.

What's your name?

Tibideaux, Elvin.

T-I-B-I-D-E-A-U-X.

- Thank you. Insurance?
- Uh, yes.

What's the name
of your insurance?

Ah, medical.

What's the name of the company
that issues your insurance?

Oh, it's in my wallet.

I don't have my wallet.

Is it Blue Cross? Is it
Northwest? Is it Continental?

- Yes.
- Continental.

No. No. Wait a minute.
I can't remember.

Oh, it's the one with the
buffalo on the commercial.

Buffalo?

Yes. No, no.

It's, um, the one... a moose?

An elk?

It has four legs, it's
dependable, it's...

What 's more dependable,
a moose or an elk?

We'll leave this blank for now.

Okay.

What is your wife's maiden name?

Huxtable, Sondra.

You're Sondra
Huxtable's husband?

Yes, Huxtable...
Elvin... Tibideaux.

Don't worry about anything. Dr. Huxtable
has already filled this out for you.

Oh, I love my father-in-law!

He's a saint!

You got the best room in the
house, number 102, just go on in.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Mr. Tibideaux!

Yes!

You're heading toward the parking
lot. Room 102 is the other way.

Thank you. I'm new at this.

Well, it's working.

Oh.

Well, I tell you,

this is the first time I've been
on this side in a long, long time.

We just have to sit
here and wait and wait.

Sondra and Elvin don't
want us at the hospital.

Well, that's all right. You
know, I can understand that.

I know how you
and I felt, remember?

A long time ago.

That's it, let's
hit it. Here we go.

Nobody going to
tell me when I can go.

I work at the hospital. I
can go there any time.

Hey, Mom and Dad.

Vanessa, your sister's
having her baby.

Unbelievable!

I'm going to be an aunt.

A baby? Wow!

I hope it's a boy, unless it's a girl, what
difference does it make, a boy or a girl.

You're still going to love it and hug it
and hold it and kiss it and change it.

When he gets older you might even
play baseball or field hockey with it.

Unless it doesn't like sports,
but then it can dance and sing.

Who knows, then you can
say, "I knew that baby when."

Thank you.

Oh, congratulations. You're grandparents.
That doesn't happen every day.

It happens every
day, but not to you.

That's why I'm saying
congratulations. Bye.

You better watch
out for one thing.

Because they're always going to ask
you to babysit because you're the aunt,

and they never pay
you. I mean, it never fails.

Another thing about
little babies, don't ever

pick one up when you're
going out on a date.

They always spit
up on your sweater.

I don't know what
it is. It's disgusting.

I'd like Mrs. Lenhardt to receive
1 liter of fluid prior to her epidural.

Yes, Doctor.

I'll go check on it.

Today's the big day, Doctor.

- Big.
- Best of luck.

Luck.

She's in Room 102.

Okay.

Hey. Dr. Huxtable, Mrs. Huxtable.
How you doing? Good to see you.

Well, how are you?

Y'all are not checking
up on me, are you?

Not in the least.

You were my prize student.

So how's it going, doctor?

It's going good,
everything's fine.

Well, there is one
slight problem.

What is it?

Come on in.

I can't breathe. I think
my heart has stopped.

Just try to relax
and breathe slowly.

Elvin's hyperventilating.

Mom, Dad, I'm glad you're here.

I'm sorry you have
to see me like this.

Elvin, you'll be fine. Just
do what the nurse tells you.

Slowly, breathe.

Why did this have to happen?

I wanted to be
strong for Sondra.

It's okay, Elvin. This
happens to a lot of fathers.

Although I've never
seen a case this severe.

Dad, I hope you're not
disappointed in me, Dad.

Just breathe in the bag, son.

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Dad, Elvin will be fine, really.

How are you?

Good. I'm a little nervous.

You have every right to
be. I know, I've been there.

But your doctor's here.
You're ready for this.

You'll be fine.

Well, you know what I said
about not wanting you here?

Yes?

I'm glad you
didn't listen to me.

Yes.

Hey, folks, look, I
think I'm okay now.

Phew! Hey, look,
look, I'm breathing.

Oh, God, I've never
breathed this well all my life.

It feels great to be alive.

Contraction!

Miss McCegney, will you please
call for the anesthesiologist,

and I think we're
ready for delivery.

Would you please do whatever
Dr. Taylor says? I'm sorry.

Thank you, thank you.

Miss McCegney, could you please
do everything the good doctor just said?

Dr. Taylor, may I say
something, please?

Sure.

Now, the father is a wreck, and
the grandfather is a nuisance,

I think people should go out into
the hall so you can do your work.

So, Elvin and Cliff... get out.

We're... We're... having a baby.

Elvin, get out!

Now you go out there and collect
yourself so you can come back.

Just breathe into the bag, boy.

Okay, Howard, let me
pose this question to you.

If one person breaks a promise,

does that make it all right for every other
person in the world to break a promise?

Well, according to Kant's
categorical imperative,

it doesn't matter what
the circumstances are.

Moral action must
hold true universally.

That's exactly what
I had in my notes.

Really? Why don't you read to
us what you had in your notes?

Read to you?

I'll get it.

I tried to read Theo's
notes. Forget about it.

Hey, Kenny.

Hi, is Rudy here?

Oh, no, she went to the Bronx Zoo
with Caroline's family. She'll be back.

- Can I wait for her?
- Sure, why not? Come on in.

Carol and Vanessa are upstairs,
so you can hang out with them.

Girls? No, thanks.
I'll hang out with you.

Well, I have some friends over
and we're studying philosophy.

I'll just sit there and listen.

I've been trained to
be seen but not heard.

All right, come on.

What's the gift?

A Christmas present for
Rudy. I do my shopping early.

Theo, do you have
any more note pads?

I'll bring one in with me.

Thanks.

Who was that?

Julia.

Now, that's a woman.

Hey, everybody, this is Kenny.

He's going to hang out with us.

Hi.

Hi.

I'm Rudy's friend,
but we're not serious.

What did I miss?

We were discussing the
tendencies for all civilizations

to oppress other civilizations.

Oh, you mean man's
inhumanity to man.

Or woman.

That's right, why do
people always say man?

Why can't it be people's
inhumanity to people?

Because it's a given that when
you say man it includes wo-man.

You know, that's
the whole problem.

Society is geared to think
of men first and then women.

Yes, and have you noticed
all these philosophers

that we're talking
about are men.

Well, that's because
until recent history,

all the great thinkers
have been men.

That's because women
weren't seen as equals.

I'm sure there were women who
were even more brilliant than those men.

I'm sorry, all we have to go by are
these brilliant essays written by men.

That's because they probably
had their girlfriends type them.

Hey, hey, we're turning this whole
thing into a man versus woman discussion.

Of course we are, because
sexism has been around forever.

I agree.

Take this little boy
here, for example.

He probably already has some
preconceived ideas about women.

Kenny, you've heard us
talking. What's your opinion?

I ain't never letting a
woman type a paper.

She should be home
cooking my dinner.

Now, look what I have.

Huh?

All right.

Now, this is what's
going to happen for you.

Going to have a little baby.

See, the problem
with most people,

they don't know how
to pick the baby up.

See, they think it's so fragile,

and they pick... you know, and the
kid, and then the head falls back this way.

Now what you want to do
is you look down and it'll be,

wah wah wah wah wah.

You do the legs like this, see?

Then you put
your hand like this.

You just scoop, just like that.

You got it. Hello.

Now go ahead and
try. There you are.

Just put it... Wah wah
wah wah wah wah.

Scoop. There you go.

Make sure the legs
are over here, that's it.

You want to keep the head
from falling all over the place, see.

Dad, Dad, really, there's no way
I'm going to learn how to do this.

No, no, come on, Elvin, you're
being too hard on yourself.

Now, come on, scoop.

Dad, all the evidence is there.

I almost fainted
in the labor room.

I almost fainted when
she had a contraction.

What was most embarrassing, when
we were on the way here in the car?

Yeah.

I had to pull over
and let her drive.

You just need time.

That's easy for you to say, Dad.
You've been through this five times.

You're the world's
most perfect father.

Elvin, I wouldn't say that.

I shouldn't say perfect. I hear
what your kids say about you, but...

What... you hear
what my kids say what?

It's little things,
it's nothing big.

Little things what?

Well, like you're
kind of stubborn.

And you never
admit your mistakes.

You're tight with money.

- You always...
- That's enough, that's enough.

But, Dad, they really love
you, that's what I'm saying.

Your children
will love you, too.

But what if I make some
horrible mistake raising it?

I mean, it's this little
defenseless, you know, person.

What if I do something
that makes it sick?

Elvin, don't worry
about it, see?

You just have to realize
that this is a human being,

and you have to
go with the flow.

Clair and I had your wife.

We sterilized everything.
We sterilized the people.

We sprayed the people.

Made them put masks on,

and we kept all the
food and it was sterilized.

Then I looked out the window one
day... I don't know how old she was...

But she was out there crawling
around in her sterilized clothing,

and she was eating dirt.

You understand? You just
have to use common sense.

Do I have common sense?

Elvin, if you have to ask me if you
have common sense, you know...

Elvin.

What?

The doctor says
it's going to be soon.

Soon?

Yes, darling, so you
better get in there.

Okay.

Let's hit it! Here we go.

I can't believe
it, but I'm ready.

We're not going in,
we're going to sit down.

We're not going to hit it?

They're going to hit it.

But I'm a doctor. You
don't understand...

Honey, I know who you are, but
they can do this by themselves.

They don't want
Dad in the room, huh?

Darling, we're going to have
to sit here like everybody else.

Scoop.

Yeah, huh? Do you remember that?

Let me see it. Let
me see it again.

You grab their
little leg, wah wah.

That's right. There you go.

And... scoop!

You know, we're going to
have to do that, I'll bet you.

We're going to have to do it.

Yes, indeed.

Gonna have to reach
down because we'll be older.

That'll be our grandchild.

Of course, it will
be a boy, you see.

- You're sure?
- Named after me.

It might be a girl
named after me.

Still be named after me.

Heathcliff, female.

Just reach right on down.

See, this is your
granddad. Scoop.

Hello... and you're
going to Hillman.

Put a big H on the forehead.

You're nervous, aren't you?

Hmm? No.

Yes, you are. You
are nervous, Cliff.

No, I 'm not.

You're rubbing your head.

You've been doing that since
medical school, you know.

Every night before a
major exam, you'd sit there

and rub your head like that.
I used to think you'd be bald.

I'm not nervous.

Yep, you're nervous.

Huh? No, no, no, no.
What are you talking about?

Then what is that?

That's my foot going like this.

But you see you're
the one who's nervous.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are, because you would not notice
these things unless you were nervous,

so you trying to put it on me.

I am not nervous, Cliff,

but you are getting
on my nerves.

Well, excuse me for
being on this planet.

Cliff, please don't sit
there like a block of wood.

Oh, yes, well?

Nothing yet. It
was a false alarm.

What do you mean, false alarm?

She was fully dilated and I really
thought the baby was coming,

but she's got a little
bit more pushing to do.

Are you trying to get overtime?

How is Sondra?

She's terrific, I mean,
she has tremendous spirit.

She's everything I'd
imagine your daughter to be.

All right, how's Elvin?

Still on his feet.

Mrs. Huxtable, why don't you go
on in and be with her for a while.

Absolutely.

Here we go.

Actually, she
only asked for her.

All you people are having a
lot of fun with me, aren't you?

Well, is it a boy or a girl?

Well, nothing yet, nothing yet.

How much time has she got, son?

Oh, I don't know, Dad, seems like
anywhere from one minute to 11 years.

It's a good thing we
have some time here,

because your mother
and I want to talk to you.

Really? About what?

Son, you know
we've been very proud

of the way you've
functioned as a father,

but now you're moving
on to a higher level:

grandparent.

Grandparent.

Yes, and now, Heathcliff,

there are only two kinds of
grandparents in this world:

good grandparents
and bad grandparents.

I see. Now what are you two?

Hey, now wait.

Come on, stop. I'm just joking.

- We're tremendous, son.
- I see.

We want you to
be tremendous, too.

Thank you. How do I do that?

Now, this is the
most important rule.

Now, the grandparents must
never try to take away any time

from the people that are
most important to that child...

the great-grandparents.

All right, thanks, Dad.

Hang in there, you'll make it.

Bye.

Sondra had a false alarm.

- How's she doing?
- Doctor says she's great.

Sondra's tough, she'll do fine.

You know what we should
do for your Mom and Dad?

When they come back from
hospital, let's have dinner waiting.

Julia, that's an
extremely thoughtful idea.

You are so considerate.

You know, I'll look through my
cookbook and see what I can find.

Your cookbook?

You cook, Theo?

With two parents
who both have careers,

I'm called on all the
time to feed the family.

I can recall a time being here
when your parents were at work,

and you asked me to make
you a peanut butter sandwich.

What if we make
spaghetti and meatballs?

Well, I usually
make fancier dishes,

but I'm game to try
something ordinary.

Justine, why don't we go and get some
dessert while the men do the cooking?

Sure.

All right.

- We'll hurry back.
- Okay.

Um, see you later, honey.

Howard, let's go.

After you, monsieur.

You got it.

We have any tomatoes?

I don't know. What do
we need tomatoes for?

Sauce.

Oh yeah, right.

Yeah, right.

Oh. All right, we'll
start with these.

What do you have?

Green peppers.

Okay.

Green pepper number 1.

Number 2.

Yee-ah.

All right, you chop the green
peppers, and I'll slice the tomatoes.

You got it.

I hope I'm not
getting too personal,

but I sense some tension
between you and Justine.

Aw, man, you know
how relationships are.

You have your good
times, your bad times...

I know what you mean.

Justine and I have gone out
for a while, and I really like her,

but I'm not so
sure she's the one.

Maybe there's somebody
else out there for me.

- Like Julia?
- Yeah... no!

I don't mean
Julia in particular.

Someone like her, or maybe not.

Yo, Theo, you're not doing a good
job disguising your feelings for Julia.

It's that obvious?

I'm afraid so.

What can I say, she's a
spectacular-looking woman.

I know.

Howard, can I ask you
a personal question?

Of course.

How did you end up with her?

No, not that you shouldn't.

I'm just curious.

I know I'm not the
greatest-looking guy in the world,

but Julia's told me she
finds my intellect appealing.

The better I do in my grades,
the more she gets excited.

Why do you think I work
my tail off for those A-pluses?

That's it? There's nothing more?

No. I'm not athletic. I
don't dance very well.

I don't own a car.

I'm always broke.

So it's just grades.

Well, no, I treat
her nicely, too.

We have lots of fun together.

Sounds like you're in
this for the long haul.

That's the biggest
problem with me and Julia.

She wants a
commitment, I'm not ready.

You're not ready
to commit to Julia?

How could you do better?

It's not a matter of doing better.
It's a matter of it feeling right.

At the moment, I'm not sure if I just want
to give myself over completely to Julia.

Man, up until now I thought you
were the smartest guy I ever met.

Russell, what are you doing?

Elvin's mother and
father are coming, dear.

Oh. Hello.

Hey!

I can't believe the
traffic in this city.

They should take away the
license of half the people on the road.

Lester, you didn't help things.

You had your hand on the
horn for the last 11 miles.

There's a whole lot of numbskulls
and nincompoops out there.

Hello, everybody.
Sorry to be late.

How is Sondra?

Fine. It's going to
be any minute now.

How's our son doing?

Mom, he is a pillar of
strength, He's just like a rock.

Cliffie, you're
lying to my face.

I know my boy, and he
can't take the pressure.

He fainted, right?

Well, just once.

But other than
that, he's just fine.

He's fine, really.

What did you two bring?

Lester started buying
toys three months ago.

Boy, you all are going
to make us look bad.

You all buy the toys, we'll
take care of the accessories

like the bottles,
the diapers, okay?

- Deal.
- Deal.

If Elvin hadn't lost his
good sense and gone

into this crazy
wilderness store business,

he could afford to buy
what the child needs.

I don't know what possessed
him to drop out of medical school.

After watching
him, I think I know...

No, no, I mean every time
Sondra went whoo, Elvin went...

You know, we were
all very disappointed

when both Elvin and Sondra
didn't go to graduate school.

Cliff and Clair offered to pay their
tuition, but they turned them down.

I know. When I heard that Elvin turned
down free money, I nearly start to cry.

Cliffie, anytime you want to
send me to medical school, I ready.

I promise you I'd
already pass him.

He gone pass... Cliff?

Francine, Lester, you made it
just in time. Honey, it's happening.

It is? Really?

I saw the top of the head.

It was the prettiest little
top of the head I ever saw.

Whose top of the
head it look like?

Breathe, breathe,
honey. Breathe, honey.

I want to push.

No, no, no, not yet.
Breathe, honey, look at me.

Okay, you're doing
fine. You're doing fine.

Can I push now, please?

Yes. Push.

Honey, push, push.

Come on, come on,
give me a big one!

Give me a big one.

Be strong.

Push, honey, push!

Push, honey.

Okay, here's the head.
Okay, it's on its way now.

Keep pushing.

We're almost there,
honey, we're almost there.

What do you mean, we?

Keep pushing.

Keep pushing. All right. You're
doing fine, you're doing fine.

There you go! There you go!

It's a boy.

It's a boy? A boy! Oh, boy!

Phew.

Congratulations. You are the
grandparents of a healthy boy.

Aah!

And a girl.

- What?
- Twins?

Two babies?

Yes, two babies,
better known as twins.

A boy and a girl.

Boy, 5 pounds 10 ounces,
girl, 5 pounds 12 ounces.

When you all knew about this?

Months ago when we
saw it on the sonogram.

Sondra and Elvin wanted
it to be a surprise for you.

How is Sondra?

Fine. She's waiting
to see all of you.

- Let's go.
- Oh, yeah.

Dr. Taylor.

Can I see you for
a second, please?

Dr. Taylor, I taught you
everything you know,

and you know
everything that I know.

Why is it that I only know
50% of what you know?

Well, I told you
everything that I know.

So now you know
everything that I know.

Well, thank you very much.

I will just make sure that
my daughter and her husband

will name none of
the children after you.

I already know their names.

What are their names?

I can't tell you.

I love you, honey.

You did great.

So did you.

No, you did a lot
better than I did.

Baby, my baby!

Oh, Mom.

It was so hard.

I know.

Sondra.

- Oh, Grandma.
- Hi, sweetheart.

Mom.

Oh, I can't wait for
you to see the babies.

They are so beautiful.

Did you let the doctor give
you anything for the pain?

I wasn't going to, but when the pain
hit, I didn't think I was going to make it.

Honey, that is all right.

There were a couple of times
I was grateful for anesthesia.

I kissed my anesthesiologist.

Hey, with Heathcliff, I
was out cold the whole time.

No one's asking
me how I'm doing.

It's because you don't count.

It was unbelievable.
It was a miracle.

I can't describe what it was
like when I saw that little face,

and those ten little
fingers and ten little toes,

and then another little face.

Another ten little
fingers and ten little...

20 little fingers
and 20 little toes.

Even though they couldn't
see and they couldn't speak,

when I held them in my arms,

it felt as if they knew
that I was their father.

It was unbelievable.
One of each.

Both of them from inside the
body of this beautiful woman.

One of each and I looked at
them and they looked at me,

and I looked at her...
and then it came to me.

I made a decision.

Mom, Dad, everybody.

I'm going back
to medical school.

Vanessa, let's go. Dad'll be here
any minute to take us to the hospital.

Okay!

I had a good time today, Theo.

I'm glad, Kenny.

I like your friends,
especially the fox.

Ken, forget it. Julia is
ten years older than you.

That's the way I like them.

Women live longer than men, so
I'm going to marry an older woman.

You don't marry a woman
just because she's older.

Man, don't you
want to be in love?

I don't need love.

Just knowing I'm going to
outlive her will make me happy.

Theo, let's go meet your
niece and your nephew.

Vanessa!

I'll be right down!

I thought Dad was
coming to pick us up.

Yeah, he was, but he had to stay
at the hospital and deliver a baby.

Great.

Mom, I have some spaghetti and
meatballs waiting for us in the kitchen.

Oh, Theo, thank you.

Vanessa?

I'm ready.

Mrs. Huxtable,
this is so fantastic.

Twins, a boy and a girl.

That means you get
to pick out two names.

If I had twins, I'd call
them Ann and Dan,

or Sue and Lou,
or Betty and Freddy,

or Jill and Bill, or Sam
and Pam, or Joe and Flo,

or even Stephanie and Edgar. I
mean they don't all have to rhythm.

Vanessa, let's go.

Well, you go ahead, I'm going
to stay here and warm up dinner,

because I know you guys are gonna
get back, you're going to be so hungry.

I know what it's like to be really hungry
when you're excited for a really long time.

When that happens
to me, my mouth is dry,

and my head is light, my stomach's
empty and my hands are all sweaty

and my feet are aching, I'm
just starving, I could eat anything.

Anything! Just
anything, I'm just starving.

I'm getting hungry
just thinking about it.

Come on, Kenny, let's
go get something to eat.

I hope you don't
eat the way you talk.

I thought you were
bringing the kids.

Oh, I brought them. They're
down there with Sondra.

Aren't they beautiful.

Beautiful? They're exquisite.

Well... we're grandmothers.

I know.

Francine, tell the truth.

Didn't our grandmothers
look older than we do?

Yes, much older.

See, you don't look
like a grandma to me.

And you don't look
like a grandma to me.

I looked into the mirror this morning
and I saw nothing of a grandma.

Out in the parking lot,

two construction
workers whistled at me.

Well, of course, they did.

We're young in
our lives, aren't we?

Very young, and I'm
looking better every day.

Thank you. I just don't know
about this grandma business.

They should think of
another name for us.

I don't know, something like a
second mother, mother once-removed.

Experienced mother.

Solid-gold mother.

How about Mother: the Sequel?

Wow, look at all those babies!

Which one's ours?

Those two right down front.

Oh, they're so teeny.

I'm glad those are ours,

because them other
babies look pretty goofy.

Hi, Daddy.

Do you mind?

I mean, what is going on here?

Nobody told me that you
were going to have twins.

Nobody told me the
names of the twins.

Nelson and Winnie.

I read it outside.

I found out more from my patients
than I did from my own daughter.

Well, Dad, I hope you're
not upset about that.

We wanted it to be a surprise.

It's all right. I just
wanted to talk to you

about those two things
out in the hallway.

They're for real, you know?

They're beautiful, aren't they?

Yes, just like you were.

But they don't stay that size.

And sometimes
they get very ugly.

I don't want you to blame me.

I'm just so happy I
didn't deliver them.

No, no, no, I'm not going
to be blaming anyone.

I'm just looking forward to every day
that I'm going to get to spend with them.

Yeah, that's so wonderful,
spoken just like a woman

whose children are
only 45 minutes old.

Well, will you babysit?

Yes, indeed.

You got a lot of good
times ahead of you,

and I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

- Well, now, Dad?
- Uh-huh.

I just want to say something.

You know how much I love you.

Yeah.

But I also want to say how much
I've loved having you as a father.

Am I going somewhere?

No, no, I only hope and pray that I
could do as good a job with my children

as you've done with yours.

Well, I tell you something.

It's impossible.

You know why?

Why?

Because good parents
are made by good children.

See you, Mommy.

I now hereby enter this house
for the first time as Grandpa,

or Grandpapa or Gramps.
I don't know what it is.

How about Father: the Sequel?

No, no, no, I just know this
thing about being a grandfather,

I got to get ready because my
father has challenged me already,

and I know that this
man will try to outdo me.

Now, I know that
in terms of money,

my father is prepared to give 50 cents
every time he sees his great-grandchildren.

I've got to top that, so
I've got to have a dollar,

because, you know,
grandfathers, they go in the pockets,

and you can hear the change.

If these kids come by
this house every day,

they won't have to work
again as long as they live.

What is this that
smells so good?

Oh, this is something
that Theo and Howard did.

You're kidding.

Spaghetti and meatballs.

You're kidding?

My son did not do this.

Howard did this.

This is absolutely delicious.

The boy is an "A" student,

and an excellent cook to boot.

I'm going to marry Howard.

Yes, I want you to marry Howard
so I can come over for dinner.

Let me get some cheese
and do some damage.

Yep, yep.

I don't know what was more
exciting today, to tell you:

the surprise of twins

or Mr. Elvin announcing that he
is going to go to medical school.

I know.

Clair? Clair.

What?

What you thinking about?

I was thinking about Sondra.

You know, it seems like only
yesterday I was holding her in my arms.

She was a baby.

Mmm... yeah.

And today my baby
had two babies.

Now she's a mother.

Hi!

Hey, hot Rudy!

What do the babies look like?

What's the matter with Mom?

She's a grandmother.

♪♪

The Cosby Show was taped
before a studio audience.

Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA