The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 5, Episode 4 - Move It - full transcript

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Honey, you better get
the potatoes started.

Mom and Dad'll
be here in a minute.

I'm on it.

One order of sautéed
potatoes coming up.

Oh, baby, the table
setting looks fabulous.

Thank you.

Well, I like to make things extra
special when Mom and Dad come over.

Look!

Oh, my... The potatoes!



That's Mom and Dad.

Just a minute!

Come in! Come in!

Open up!

- Hey! Hey!
- Hi. Mom! Dad!

What's the matter?

What do you got?

Hi. Come on in.

Looks like we're going
to have to eat out tonight.

A little grease
fire. Nothing ruined.

No, you're in for
a delicious meal.

I think we ought to get a
little air in here, please?

Dad?

Let me give you a hand with
that. There's a little trick to that.



Okay.

Hammer here, two, three.

Can you hand me the phone?

- The phone.
- Yeah.

Thanks, Dad.

Now why didn't I think of that?

Well, Mom and Dad, look around,
you notice anything different?

Um...

Oh, your neighbors across
the way have new curtains.

Oh, come on, you're
not looking close enough.

Okay.

Come on, come on.

Ta-da!

This is the baby's room.

The baby's room.

Yes.

Behind a screen.

You see, this way
the baby has privacy.

And we have privacy.

Well, Elvin, if you got enough
of these Chinese screens,

you could turn this into
a nine-room apartment.

Well, why doesn't
everyone sit down?

- Okay.
- I'll help you serve.

Now, Elvin, you gotta help me

because the last
time I was here,

wherever I sat
something fell apart.

Dad, it's not like that anymore.

Just pick a seat. Try this one.

Now what about
the arm on this one?

I remember this
arm, but this is...

You see what I did,

I took an arm from another
chair and I fixed this chair.

I'm really into home repair now.

Yes, you did. You took an arm...

Elvin, why are the wires
hanging out of the wall?

Oh, this is another
one of my repairs.

See, this used to be, like, three
bare wires sticking out of the wall,

but what I did was I
put an outlet on top of it.

I can plug an air conditioner
in here now if I ever get one.

Yeah, you can put an air
conditioner there if you get a window.

Oh.

Shouldn't the landlord be
doing that electrical work?

Yeah, well, I know, I
called Mr. Reeder about

these things five or
six times just this week,

but, you know, it's
like wasting your time,

so I just figured I
would do it myself.

Well you gotta keep at him.

Lots of landlords try to
get out of doing repairs.

Yeah.

Well, bon appétit.

Okay.

What kind of meat was this?

That's veal, Dad. We splurged.

How long did you cook it, son?

Six hours.

Well, Elvin, veal only
takes about an hour to cook.

Mom, I know, but our stove
only goes up to 95 degrees,

so I have to cook
it a few extra hours

and then I zap it in the
microwave to seal in the juices.

You cooked this for eight hours,
then put it in the microwave?

Listen, how about some hot dogs.
I can pop them in the microwave.

- Hot dogs? Can you do them?
- They'll be done in a minute, yeah.

Hot dogs! Get with the hot dogs.

All the way around.

Make mine done!

- Coming up.
- Okay.

Mom, why don't you have
a roll? They're homemade.

Thank you, sweetie.

Yeah.

These are potatoes aren't they?

Yeah.

All right. Got that right.

Sort of Cajun style.

Yeah, a Cajun experiment.

Burnt on the outside,

and raw in the inside.

Crispy, Dad. They're
crispy in the inside.

Yeah, well, whatever it is, I
gotta wash this stuff down.

I'll just wash it down
with a glass of water.

Hey! Look out there.

Oh, Dad, that happens when someone
takes a shower on the third floor.

Yeah, I can believe it.

I'll send this to the
lab in the morning.

Sondra, you're paying rent
here and you're having a baby,

you need fresh,
clean water, dear.

Well, Mom, we're going
to get bottled water.

Dive! Dive!

It's all right. Mom, Dad.

Come up, Dad. It's all right.

It's the hot dogs.
They exploded.

It's not like I don't know
how to use this thing,

we have these power
surges all the time.

But we invented
something: wiener bits.

Elvin, call the landlord and ask
him to come down here right now.

Dad, he's probably
having dinner.

- I don't really want to bother him.
- Come here, Elvin.

Call the landlord.

Yeah, I see a lot of cases of
landlord neglect all the time.

You really got to
stay on these people.

Hello, Mr. Reeder?

Yes, it's Elvin Tibideaux... 5B.

Yeah, hi.

Um, listen, we're having
some problems with the water

and the pipes and the electricity
and some other things, too.

I was wondering,
could you, I mean,

is it possible if you
could maybe come up...

Oh, no, no, that's
fine, next week is okay.

Elvin, tell the man that your mother-in-law
is here and that she's an attorney.

Uh, Mr. Reeder, my
mother-in-law who is here now,

would like you to know
that she's an attorney...

Oh, great. Great. Thanks.

Thanks a lot. Bye-bye.

He's coming right up.

Oh, now, Mom, please, when
he comes here, let us handle it.

Well, of course.
This is your home.

That's Fritz, he plays
tuba in a polka band.

Does he play often?

No, only during the
day and sometimes we

move the furniture out
of the way and dance.

Hi, Mr. Reeder. Come in.

Evening, Mr. Tibideaux.
Mrs. Tibideaux.

Hello.

I'd like you to meet my in-laws.

This is my father-in-law,
Dr. Huxtable.

How do you do?

My mother-in-law, the attorney.

I got here as fast as I could.

Mr. Reeder, we need to
discuss something with you.

The brown water... we
don't want it anymore.

Oh, but I have
explained that to you.

The entire building needs
a plumbing overhaul,

but if I do that, then I have
to raise everyone's rents.

Well, what about the
window, can you fix that?

Okay, okay, that I can do.

Oops, that's my
beeper, I gotta go.

Good-bye!

You know, that
guy works too hard.

Every time he's up
here, he gets beeped.

He probably had
somebody to beep him, Elvin,

to give him an excuse
to get out of here.

No, you think so?

I think the man should be
reported to housing authorities,

and I think the papers will be ready
and on my desk Monday morning,

because I don't want my
grandchild growing up in this place,

sticking his fingers
in light sockets,

drinking brown water
from behind that screen.

I think you need to think about the
child being able to sleep through the night

without people showering
and the sink attacking the child.

Dad, are you telling me that I won't
be able to take care of my own child?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

Well, you implied it.

You look like you gonna
knock somebody down.

That's not what I implied.

Could we not do this?
My wife is pregnant.

I don't think she
should get upset.

Well, listen, now I think everybody
needs to just settle down here,

so we can state very calmly
what it is we want to say.

I want to say, Elvin
and Sondra, very calmly,

that the two of you consider,
very seriously consider,

getting out of this apartment.

Look, if it's a problem with
money, moving to a new...

Mom, Dad, as we have told
you many, many times before,

we insist on
supporting ourselves.

We appreciate your offer,
Dad, but no, thank you.

Okay, fine, stay here.

Okay, fine, we will.

Fine.

Fine.

Oh, I'm telling you, brown
water coming out of the faucet.

The microwave, it
gets power surges

and turns veal
into rubber tires.

I looked out the window
and there was a pigeon

out on the ledge
looking at me going...

But you should see their
faces, when they're in this place.

They're in love with it.

They say it as character.

You're not going to get those
two out of that apartment.

Russell is right.

Heathcliff, you have a daughter who
is just as mule-headed as you were.

Why don't you...

I always told you that someday you're
going to have a child that frustrated you

just as much as
you frustrated me.

I'm just glad I'm
around to see it.

Mom, I'm not the issue here.

But you are the issue.

This girl learned everything she
knows about stubbornness from you.

Mom... No, don't "Mom" me.

I remember it clearly.

You were in med school,
Clair was carrying Sondra,

You lived in a one-room
apartment over a trucking company.

18-wheelers went in and out
of there like bees at the hive.

The noise was like a
thunderstorm night and day.

Whenever one of those trucks rolled in, the
whole room began to bounce up and down.

I was always saying
to you, "Heathcliff,

"let your father
and me help you."

Yeah, but you were too proud.

The original mulehead.

It was homey.

Clair loved it.

When did I ever say I loved it?

Huh?

When did I ever say I loved it?

I said I would live in
it because I love you,

but the place was a dump.

You two should go
over and talk to Sondra.

Oh, no, no, no.

Yes, you should. You're the
ones to talk sense into them.

I'm not going to that place!

I was over there the
first day they moved in.

I sat in the chair, the bottom
fell out, I was on the floor.

When I sat on the couch,

and a spring popped up
and stuck me in the behind.

Never set foot in
that place again.

You know, I've even had
nightmares about that apartment.

So, Denise, how's it been going?

Now I'm not here
to talk about me.

I'm here to talk about you guys.

Well, what's up?

Well, I heard you guys had a
fight with Mom and Dad last night.

Yeah, we did.

That's why I'm here.

Now you know that I've been
behind both of you guys 100 percent.

When you decided to
drop out of law school,

med school, I thought,
"Hey, that's great.

These guys are deciding
to live their own lives."

When you told me that you
wanted to open a wilderness store,

I thought, "It's a little
flaky, but those wacky kids,

they might just make it work."

When Mom and Dad told me
that you turned down their offer

to help you move
into a better apartment,

that's when I thought,
"They're nuts."

Come on, Sondra, Elvin, pack up!

Move.

Wait a minute.

Did Mom and Dad
put you up to this?

No, they don't even know
I'm here. I'm acting alone.

Denise, we happen to like
our apartment even if you don't.

I'm not putting
down your apartment.

It's wonderful. It's got character,
it's charming, but come on,

you can't act like children
for the rest of your lives.

It's time for you to grow up.

Oh, who are you
telling to grow up?

You dropped out of school and then
when Mom and Dad wanted you to go back,

you wouldn't
even listen to them.

Sondra, that is because in my case,
Mom and Dad didn't make any sense, okay?

They know what they're
talking about here, come on!

You guys are having a baby.

A little bambino, another life.

Would you actually consider
raising a kid in this place?

Look, Denise, as long
as we love this child,

it doesn't matter
where we raise it.

Please, as soon as this
kid can talk it's gonna say,

"Call me a taxi. I
am out of here."

I just don't remember a more
difficult time with the children.

Every time I turn around
there's a kid with bad news.

Well, hello, everybody.

Oh, Lord in heaven.

Grandma, I'm so glad
you're here for this.

There's some people you
know out in the living room,

that have something
to say to you.

Please don't say
anything just follow me.

Okay.

I know exactly
what this is all about.

She's told all the children
to drop out of school

and they're going to make an album called
"Parents Don't Know What They're Doing,"

and they're going to turn our
bedroom into a recording studio.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Well, let's get this
meeting started here.

Now, something
happened last night

that involved some bad feelings
between members of this family.

So, I think it's only appropriate
that we kick off this meeting

with some apologies.
Sondra, Elvin?

We're sorry.

We're very sorry.

Mom? Dad?

Sondra just apologized.

We accept.

Dad, I told Sondra and Elvin that I'd
be able to get you guys to apologize.

Well, that's your problem.

All right, we apologize.

We are very sorry that
we had words last night.

- Cliff?
- What?

Right.

We apologize.

Oh, our son just apologized.

He's not as mule-headed
as we thought.

It's not over yet, Russell.

Mom and Dad, we came over because
we agree that for the baby's sake,

we need a new apartment.

All right! Oh.

Now we may need to borrow a
little money, not a lot, just a little,

so that we can get a larger place
and one that's in better shape.

- Yeah.
- We're very happy to hear that.

And we'd like to give you the conditions
under which we will borrow the money.

You're going to tell
us the conditions under

which you're going
to borrow our money?

Dad, Dad, just hear them out.

Okay, well number one, you
have to charge us interest.

Yeah, you better believe that.

Number two, if we don't
pay you back within one year,

you charge us a 5% penalty.

Mmm, I can think of
even better than that.

Number three, we offer you,
as collateral, all of our furniture.

What else you got?

Just our word.

Well that's better than the
furniture. You got a deal.

There you go.

Gentlemen, perhaps
you should shake on this.

All right, shake.
Consider shook.

Now, Elvin, you know, if I were
you, I wouldn't have agreed so soon.

I would have insisted
upon one more term.

What's that?

At no time during the loan
can Cliff hold it over your head

that you owe him money.

Yeah.

It's too late. We
already shook on it.

Hey, what's everybody doing?

Sondra and Elvin and moving and they
agreed to borrow the money from Dad.

Where you guys moving to?

Well, we don't know yet. We're
going to start looking immediately.

Really?

Hey, you guys are in luck.

There's an apartment I saw
today, it'd be perfect for you.

I thought it was understood that you were
going to live in a dorm, not an apartment.

Oh, well, I wasn't officially
looking at the apartment.

I just couldn't resist the ad in
the paper so I checked it out.

Here, it's circled.

Bachelor pleasure den,
young, singles building...

No, no, no, no.

Elvin, Elvin, the other
one that's circled.

Yeah. Yeah, come on.

One bedroom, family
building, reasonable rent.

Honey, look.

We should go check it out
before somebody takes it.

I'm all for that.

All right, let's hit it, let's
get to the station wagon.

I think I'll stay behind!

I don't want to see this apartment
until someone assures me

that it won't give
me nightmares.

Dad, if Sondra and I like this
place we're going to take it.

I mean, there's nothing
in the agreement

that says you have to
approve of it or anything.

Yeah, but we can
put it in the agreement.

It's too late. We
already shook on it.

"And then Marlow Myers,
famous girl detective,

looked the evil scientist
in the eye and said..."

"" I'm not afraid
of you, Dr. Dread.

I have the truth on my side. ""

"Dr. Dread took a step
forward and laughed evilly."

Heh heh heh heh.

"Then Marlow Myers picked up an
ancient Egyptian vase and said..."

""We'll see who laughs last when
you get this between the eyes.""

Heh heh heh heh.

Hey.

- Hey, Grandpa.
- Hey, Grandpa.

Where's everybody else?

They are at Sondra and
Elvin's, packing boxes.

Does that mean they've
taken the apartment?

Oh, yeah, they loved it.

Everybody flipped out
as soon as they walked in.

Even Dad had to
admit I came through.

So what's the apartment like?

It's nothing spectacular.

Water's clean, they get
the power all the time.

You know what I mean?

Nothing's making noises.

And the pigeon on the window
sill looked at me and said...

Ta-da!

Wow, that's a gorgeous chicken.

Smells delicious.

Yeah, I think take-out
was a good idea.

Well, Elvin, weren't you
going to make a salad?

Yeah, I burned it. Sorry.

Elvin, how do you burn a salad?

Well, you see it was one of those
gourmet warm-em-up spinach salad.

Something got out of
control. I'm not sure what.

Fritz is playing "Misty."

That was the song that he was playing
when I carried Sondra over the threshold.

It brings back such memories.

Elvin, I ran into
Fritz today in the hall

and I told him that this was
our last evening in the apartment.

You mean Fritz is playing
farewell song for us?

I'm going to miss this place.

I say let's have a toast.

Let's lift our glasses high
in honor of Sondra, Elvin,

and the new apartment.

Yes, and here, here.

Let us have a toast also to
the fact that Sondra and Elvin

are moving to a
place with clear water.

Here's to the baby's
wonderful grandparents,

who's generosity has
made this move possible.

Here, here.

And here's to Fritz.

What's he got to do with it?

I wonder who that could be?

Must be Fritz.

Mr. Reeder, hi.

Mr. Tibideaux, I have
a young couple here

who are interested in
renting the apartment.

Could I please show it to them?

Does anyone mind if
Mr. Reeder shows the apartment?

- Bring them in, sir.
- Thank you.

Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins,
this way, please.

Hi. Sorry for intruding.

No, that's fine, come in.

Well, here you are.

This is nice.

I know.

We've seen a lot of places, but
nothing comes close to this place.

Sounds like you're interested.

Yeah, we'll take it.

Why don't we go down to my
office and you can sign the lease?

Okay. All right.

Um, sweetie pie, the furniture
really goes with the apartment.

I mean, it's eclectic funk.

I wonder if they're
taking it with them, hmm?

Well, it doesn't hurt to ask.

Ah, excuse us.

We were wondering if maybe you'd
consider selling us your furniture?

Well, we were thinking
of taking it with us.

No, you weren't.

Make us an offer, son.

Is $200 fair?

Ten dollars.

This is amazing.

We just graduated
from Yale a week ago,

without a clue
where we'd be living.

Your parents must be
tickled as they can be.

They are.

Nobody could be
happier for you than me.

Let's go downstairs.

All right. Thank you so much.

- Take care.
- Bye bye now.

Oh, what about that
cracked window?

Ah, no problem.

It will be fixed by
the end of the week.

That's right,
you'll be gone, too.

♪♪

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