The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 5, Episode 21 - Birthday Blues - full transcript
On Clair's birthday, Cliff & their kids surprise her with an act.
♪♪
♪♪
Why is there only
one candle? Mom's 46.
I know, but women
who are Mom's age
don't like to be reminded
of how old they are.
She's coming. Hurry up.
- Good morning.
- Happy birthday, Mom!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Happy birthday.
That's so sweet of you.
You know this is
my favorite thing.
Grapefruit with wax on it.
Blow out the candle
and make a wish.
Yay! Yay!
Theo only put one candle
on it, so you wouldn't feel bad.
- Well, why would I feel bad?
- Well, Mom, you are getting up there.
It really doesn't
bother me to be 46.
It doesn't bother you at all?
Not in the least.
Mom, I am so happy to hear that,
because Kara said when her mom turned 46,
she went into a deep depression.
You know, she said it
wasn't so bad being 45,
because she was
still close to 40.
But when she turned 46, she knew
that 50 was right around the corner.
Vanessa. Mom, I apologize
for your daughter's insensitivity.
I asked them not to bring up your age,
because I knew it would be rough on you.
But it's not rough on
me. I love being 46.
I think it's a lovely age.
So do I. You look
good for your age.
- Thank you.
- No, I mean it.
- You really look good.
- Yeah, Mom, you really look good.
Really.
Thank you. Now isn't there
someplace else you need to go?
Yeah, we need to go to the
mall and buy you a present.
We were going to get it sooner, but we
wanted to get something really special.
Oh, I see. You
forgot my birthday.
Hey, guys, did we
forget Mom's birthday?
No! No!
Now, come on. Let's get to the
mall before they run out of that thing
we're gonna get for her.
What thing?
You know, the thing we've
been talking about for months?
Oh, that thing.
Morning, birthday girl!
Good morning, Cliff.
Forty-six!
For-ty-six.
♪♪
Yesterday, 45.
Today, 46.
Just another pebble
dropping into the pond of life.
Forty-six... ka-poosh!
See, when you get up around 50,
then you have a boulder
dropping into a smaller pond,
'cause it's kind of drying up.
Ka-pow!
Then you get to 60
and 70... All dried up.
All you hear is...
Now, you know, I was really
feeling good this morning,
till I ran into my family and everybody
started giving me grief over turning 46.
Well, dear, let me tell you...
It's nothing but a number.
That's what Old
Jake used to say.
The fellow that shines shoes down
in the visitor's lounge at the hospital?
He'd sit there popping that rag,
and everybody that'd
have a birthday, he'd say,
"Pop, pop! Ain't
nothing but a number."
That's right. Died
when he was 46.
But listen, let me tell
you something, though.
Regardless of what anybody says,
you still look good.
Now, why did you
use that word, "still"?
You didn't used to talk like that. You
used to say, "Clair, you look good."
Am I not supposed to look good?
You're absolutely correct.
The word "still" is out.
You look good.
Now, why don't you come and sit
down right over here, Mrs. Huxtable?
Karen will be with you
in just a few minutes.
Thank you. Today is my birthday.
My husband's taking me to
lunch in an hour and a half.
Great! We got a birthday special
today. Everything half price.
- Really?
- Oh, but wait.
It doesn't apply to you.
It's only for women over 40.
Bless you.
Clair? Lorraine!
Happy birthday! Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm so glad
it's your birthday.
How else could we get our husbands to
take us to lunch on a Saturday afternoon?
Mrs. Huxtable... Excuse me...
I'm just finishing up with Mrs.
Erickson. I'll be ready for you next.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Hi, Karen. Hi, Mrs. Clark.
- Amy's ready for you right over there.
- Thanks.
Now, there goes
an attractive woman.
Mm-hmm. I know.
Hard to believe she's 47.
- Forty-seven? Quit.
- No, she is.
Well, I bet she had
a ton of work done.
Uh-uh. That's what I thought. The
woman doesn't even color her hair.
- I hate her.
- She should be dropped off the planet.
Mm-hmm.
Mrs. Huxtable, what are
you complaining about?
You still look good.
The next person who
uses that word "still"
is going to get smashed.
I'm thankful they're saying
"still." It's better than "used to."
There's Miss Cynthia.
The only woman I know who
gets younger with every birthday.
Hello, Clair. Oh, hi, Lorraine.
Hi. Hello, Cynthia.
Oh, please call me
Cindy. All my friends do.
Look! Look what I bought
since you last saw me.
Eddie and I got married.
Well, congratulations.
Thanks. Eddie is ten years
younger than I am, you know.
Oh, he's 48.
Oh, don't be silly. He's 31.
Well, I've got to run.
I hope I don't have as much trouble
getting out of here as I did coming in.
What happened?
Well, those construction
workers next door?
When they saw me
walking down the street,
they just stopped everything
that they were doing
and they started flirting
and whistling and...
I'm just going to have to stay
off the streets of New York,
or nothing in this
city will ever get built.
Bye!
If that woman is 41, I'm 12.
And you know that's
her fourth husband.
- I thought it was her fifth.
- You know, I think you're right?
I don't care how young
she tries to make herself,
she just cannot keep a man.
You see.
I've only had one husband,
and he still wants what I have.
My husband begs me. Quit!
Now, who did that?
A sick and vicious
person. Cliff!
Cliff?
Hi, birthday girl.
Alberto and I have
been waiting for you.
Alberto. I thought we were
meeting you at the restaurant.
Clair, my best wishes to
you on this, your birthday.
Thank you!
Hi, honey.
Now, my dear, you didn't have anything to
do with this clever little joke, did you?
What an unfortunate mistake.
Who did this terrible thing?
Ah, we were just
playing a little joke, so...
See? The kids did
it. So there you go.
- I'm through with you!
- I know you are.
Let's sit down!
Clair, of course you know
Cliff is just teasing you.
He loves you so much.
Did you know he keeps a picture
of you in his locker at the hospital?
It's just a picture of you
when you were younger.
I would like to propose a toast.
To the birthday girl.
- Of course, she's not a girl anymore.
- Watch it.
Now, I'm going to get
through my toast now.
This is to my wife, who,
on this birthday, is forty...
That's quite all right.
Numbers are not necessary.
I would like to toast my wife,
whom I love very much,
no matter what number.
- Hear, hear!
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
- Now, I would like to propose a toast.
Ah.
I would appreciate you
not hitting on my wife.
I was telling your wife
that her beauty is timeless.
Well, it sounded like to me you
said, "Let's go out in the garage."
Okay. Well!
Set all that aside.
I of course have prepared
something special,
along with our children.
We have a little thing we're
going to do for you called,
"When Mom Was My Age."
Hit it!
When Mom was my
age, the year was 1961.
John Kennedy was president,
the minimum wage
was a dollar an hour,
an eight-course dinner at
a steak house cost $3.75.
And how much was cabbage?
Thirty cents a head.
And the Christmas Eve concert
at Carnegie Hall cost 50 cents.
But you could listen to a
guy named Chubby Checker,
who dressed like this and
started a new dance craze.
♪♪
And that's what was
happening in 1961.
A long time ago.
I don't think I like
where this is going.
Oh, goodness. I knew it.
When Mom was
my age, it was 1958.
Ike was president, Alvin Ailey
formed his own dance company,
and you could buy a brand-new
Oldsmobile for only $2,900.
And how much was cabbage?
Fifteen cents a head.
And in 1958, the
teenagers said things like,
"Dig that crazy, mixed-up cat," and
"You're the most, man, real gone."
Wait a moment. You
forgot my favorite.
"Blast off, Daddy-O."
Also in 1958, people dressed
like this to go to sock hops,
where they did dances
like, "The Hand Jive."
And..."The Stroll."
Oh, wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
We... We were
never that lethargic.
- Lorraine, come on here.
- Oh, yeah.
These children have been
spinning on their heads too long.
- We had more life, we had more life.
- That's right.
Had to pump your arms,
and then we did a little dip.
And then we'd spin
around to the back.
Dig those crazy chicks.
Yeah, those are our wives.
And that was 1958,
a long, long time ago.
A long, long time...
You people are cruel.
- When Mom was my age...
- Even my baby has turned on me!
It was 1952.
Harry Truman was president.
How much was cabbage?
Cabbage? There was no cabbage.
There were only 48 states,
a large pizza cost 75 cents,
the average house
was worth $4,600.
Dad, how much did
you pay for this house?
A lot of cabbage.
And that was 1952,
a long, long, long time ago.
Thank you. And get out.
Happy birthday, Mom! Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
When I was in medical
school back in Spain,
some of us used to go around to the
restaurants and sing for our supper.
- Would you allow me now to sing?
- I'd be honored.
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
See, this is my wife's birthday.
- So I will sing...
- That won't be necessary, Cliff, really.
You don't have to sing,
dear. That's quite all right.
Do you have a
song for your wife?
Yes. Let's hear it.
♪ Be kind to your ragged wife ♪
♪ For she sags and she
bags and she spackles ♪
That's fine, stop. That's
enough. Thank you.
This is more embarrassing
for you than it is for me.
Alberto, you promised me a song?
A song you shall have.
Do you remember
that one that goes,
♪ Amor, amor, amor ♪
♪ Nació de tí, nació de mí ♪
♪ De la esperanza ♪
Let me take a D.
♪ Amor, amor, amor ♪
♪ Nació de Dios para los dos ♪
♪ Nació del alma ♪
Or maybe the other
one. Do you remember?
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Como si fuera esta noche ♪
♪ La última vez ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Que tengo miedo perderte ♪
♪ Perderte despues ♪
♪ Quiero tenerte muy cerca ♪
♪ Mirarme en tus ojos ♪
♪ Verte junto a mí ♪
♪ Piensa que tal vez mañana ♪
♪ Yo ya estaré lejos,
muy lejos de aqui ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Como si fuera esta noche ♪
♪ La última vez ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Que tengo miedo a perderte ♪
♪ Perderte despues ♪
Whoo!
That was good. Thank you.
So there!
So there, it was a great afternoon, and
you really turned this day around for me.
Well, thank you
very much, my dear.
The lunch was wonderful,
and I enjoyed the song.
Well, you know, I put my
best effort forward, you know.
Not that song, fool.
The song Alberto sang.
- Oh.
- What an expressive voice he has!
Yeah, but, let me just say that
it's not difficult to sing like that.
All you have to do is
take your voice up...
And you talk like
this all the time.
And so it's very
nice to be here...
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
Thank you. We'll call
you if we need that.
No, it was really great.
And the food was so good.
You know, I loved the food.
And you didn't touch the
dessert when they came.
You went like that.
And you know what?
I noticed that you did not buy
that hateful cake with the white icing
and strawberries on it,
like you usually get me
every year for my birthday,
and I thank you for that,
because I am never
eating that again in life.
Well, you might.
I wouldn't say
that if I were you.
I commend you on saying
that you are not going to eat it,
but then again, it's a
long time... 46, 47, 48...
You'll see. You will see.
Okay.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
The Cosby Show is taped
before a studio audience.
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
♪♪
Why is there only
one candle? Mom's 46.
I know, but women
who are Mom's age
don't like to be reminded
of how old they are.
She's coming. Hurry up.
- Good morning.
- Happy birthday, Mom!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Happy birthday.
That's so sweet of you.
You know this is
my favorite thing.
Grapefruit with wax on it.
Blow out the candle
and make a wish.
Yay! Yay!
Theo only put one candle
on it, so you wouldn't feel bad.
- Well, why would I feel bad?
- Well, Mom, you are getting up there.
It really doesn't
bother me to be 46.
It doesn't bother you at all?
Not in the least.
Mom, I am so happy to hear that,
because Kara said when her mom turned 46,
she went into a deep depression.
You know, she said it
wasn't so bad being 45,
because she was
still close to 40.
But when she turned 46, she knew
that 50 was right around the corner.
Vanessa. Mom, I apologize
for your daughter's insensitivity.
I asked them not to bring up your age,
because I knew it would be rough on you.
But it's not rough on
me. I love being 46.
I think it's a lovely age.
So do I. You look
good for your age.
- Thank you.
- No, I mean it.
- You really look good.
- Yeah, Mom, you really look good.
Really.
Thank you. Now isn't there
someplace else you need to go?
Yeah, we need to go to the
mall and buy you a present.
We were going to get it sooner, but we
wanted to get something really special.
Oh, I see. You
forgot my birthday.
Hey, guys, did we
forget Mom's birthday?
No! No!
Now, come on. Let's get to the
mall before they run out of that thing
we're gonna get for her.
What thing?
You know, the thing we've
been talking about for months?
Oh, that thing.
Morning, birthday girl!
Good morning, Cliff.
Forty-six!
For-ty-six.
♪♪
Yesterday, 45.
Today, 46.
Just another pebble
dropping into the pond of life.
Forty-six... ka-poosh!
See, when you get up around 50,
then you have a boulder
dropping into a smaller pond,
'cause it's kind of drying up.
Ka-pow!
Then you get to 60
and 70... All dried up.
All you hear is...
Now, you know, I was really
feeling good this morning,
till I ran into my family and everybody
started giving me grief over turning 46.
Well, dear, let me tell you...
It's nothing but a number.
That's what Old
Jake used to say.
The fellow that shines shoes down
in the visitor's lounge at the hospital?
He'd sit there popping that rag,
and everybody that'd
have a birthday, he'd say,
"Pop, pop! Ain't
nothing but a number."
That's right. Died
when he was 46.
But listen, let me tell
you something, though.
Regardless of what anybody says,
you still look good.
Now, why did you
use that word, "still"?
You didn't used to talk like that. You
used to say, "Clair, you look good."
Am I not supposed to look good?
You're absolutely correct.
The word "still" is out.
You look good.
Now, why don't you come and sit
down right over here, Mrs. Huxtable?
Karen will be with you
in just a few minutes.
Thank you. Today is my birthday.
My husband's taking me to
lunch in an hour and a half.
Great! We got a birthday special
today. Everything half price.
- Really?
- Oh, but wait.
It doesn't apply to you.
It's only for women over 40.
Bless you.
Clair? Lorraine!
Happy birthday! Oh, thank you.
Oh, I'm so glad
it's your birthday.
How else could we get our husbands to
take us to lunch on a Saturday afternoon?
Mrs. Huxtable... Excuse me...
I'm just finishing up with Mrs.
Erickson. I'll be ready for you next.
Thank you. You're welcome.
Hi, Karen. Hi, Mrs. Clark.
- Amy's ready for you right over there.
- Thanks.
Now, there goes
an attractive woman.
Mm-hmm. I know.
Hard to believe she's 47.
- Forty-seven? Quit.
- No, she is.
Well, I bet she had
a ton of work done.
Uh-uh. That's what I thought. The
woman doesn't even color her hair.
- I hate her.
- She should be dropped off the planet.
Mm-hmm.
Mrs. Huxtable, what are
you complaining about?
You still look good.
The next person who
uses that word "still"
is going to get smashed.
I'm thankful they're saying
"still." It's better than "used to."
There's Miss Cynthia.
The only woman I know who
gets younger with every birthday.
Hello, Clair. Oh, hi, Lorraine.
Hi. Hello, Cynthia.
Oh, please call me
Cindy. All my friends do.
Look! Look what I bought
since you last saw me.
Eddie and I got married.
Well, congratulations.
Thanks. Eddie is ten years
younger than I am, you know.
Oh, he's 48.
Oh, don't be silly. He's 31.
Well, I've got to run.
I hope I don't have as much trouble
getting out of here as I did coming in.
What happened?
Well, those construction
workers next door?
When they saw me
walking down the street,
they just stopped everything
that they were doing
and they started flirting
and whistling and...
I'm just going to have to stay
off the streets of New York,
or nothing in this
city will ever get built.
Bye!
If that woman is 41, I'm 12.
And you know that's
her fourth husband.
- I thought it was her fifth.
- You know, I think you're right?
I don't care how young
she tries to make herself,
she just cannot keep a man.
You see.
I've only had one husband,
and he still wants what I have.
My husband begs me. Quit!
Now, who did that?
A sick and vicious
person. Cliff!
Cliff?
Hi, birthday girl.
Alberto and I have
been waiting for you.
Alberto. I thought we were
meeting you at the restaurant.
Clair, my best wishes to
you on this, your birthday.
Thank you!
Hi, honey.
Now, my dear, you didn't have anything to
do with this clever little joke, did you?
What an unfortunate mistake.
Who did this terrible thing?
Ah, we were just
playing a little joke, so...
See? The kids did
it. So there you go.
- I'm through with you!
- I know you are.
Let's sit down!
Clair, of course you know
Cliff is just teasing you.
He loves you so much.
Did you know he keeps a picture
of you in his locker at the hospital?
It's just a picture of you
when you were younger.
I would like to propose a toast.
To the birthday girl.
- Of course, she's not a girl anymore.
- Watch it.
Now, I'm going to get
through my toast now.
This is to my wife, who,
on this birthday, is forty...
That's quite all right.
Numbers are not necessary.
I would like to toast my wife,
whom I love very much,
no matter what number.
- Hear, hear!
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
- Now, I would like to propose a toast.
Ah.
I would appreciate you
not hitting on my wife.
I was telling your wife
that her beauty is timeless.
Well, it sounded like to me you
said, "Let's go out in the garage."
Okay. Well!
Set all that aside.
I of course have prepared
something special,
along with our children.
We have a little thing we're
going to do for you called,
"When Mom Was My Age."
Hit it!
When Mom was my
age, the year was 1961.
John Kennedy was president,
the minimum wage
was a dollar an hour,
an eight-course dinner at
a steak house cost $3.75.
And how much was cabbage?
Thirty cents a head.
And the Christmas Eve concert
at Carnegie Hall cost 50 cents.
But you could listen to a
guy named Chubby Checker,
who dressed like this and
started a new dance craze.
♪♪
And that's what was
happening in 1961.
A long time ago.
I don't think I like
where this is going.
Oh, goodness. I knew it.
When Mom was
my age, it was 1958.
Ike was president, Alvin Ailey
formed his own dance company,
and you could buy a brand-new
Oldsmobile for only $2,900.
And how much was cabbage?
Fifteen cents a head.
And in 1958, the
teenagers said things like,
"Dig that crazy, mixed-up cat," and
"You're the most, man, real gone."
Wait a moment. You
forgot my favorite.
"Blast off, Daddy-O."
Also in 1958, people dressed
like this to go to sock hops,
where they did dances
like, "The Hand Jive."
And..."The Stroll."
Oh, wait a minute, wait
a minute, wait a minute.
We... We were
never that lethargic.
- Lorraine, come on here.
- Oh, yeah.
These children have been
spinning on their heads too long.
- We had more life, we had more life.
- That's right.
Had to pump your arms,
and then we did a little dip.
And then we'd spin
around to the back.
Dig those crazy chicks.
Yeah, those are our wives.
And that was 1958,
a long, long time ago.
A long, long time...
You people are cruel.
- When Mom was my age...
- Even my baby has turned on me!
It was 1952.
Harry Truman was president.
How much was cabbage?
Cabbage? There was no cabbage.
There were only 48 states,
a large pizza cost 75 cents,
the average house
was worth $4,600.
Dad, how much did
you pay for this house?
A lot of cabbage.
And that was 1952,
a long, long, long time ago.
Thank you. And get out.
Happy birthday, Mom! Thank you.
Thank you, guys.
When I was in medical
school back in Spain,
some of us used to go around to the
restaurants and sing for our supper.
- Would you allow me now to sing?
- I'd be honored.
No, no, wait, wait, wait.
See, this is my wife's birthday.
- So I will sing...
- That won't be necessary, Cliff, really.
You don't have to sing,
dear. That's quite all right.
Do you have a
song for your wife?
Yes. Let's hear it.
♪ Be kind to your ragged wife ♪
♪ For she sags and she
bags and she spackles ♪
That's fine, stop. That's
enough. Thank you.
This is more embarrassing
for you than it is for me.
Alberto, you promised me a song?
A song you shall have.
Do you remember
that one that goes,
♪ Amor, amor, amor ♪
♪ Nació de tí, nació de mí ♪
♪ De la esperanza ♪
Let me take a D.
♪ Amor, amor, amor ♪
♪ Nació de Dios para los dos ♪
♪ Nació del alma ♪
Or maybe the other
one. Do you remember?
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Como si fuera esta noche ♪
♪ La última vez ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Que tengo miedo perderte ♪
♪ Perderte despues ♪
♪ Quiero tenerte muy cerca ♪
♪ Mirarme en tus ojos ♪
♪ Verte junto a mí ♪
♪ Piensa que tal vez mañana ♪
♪ Yo ya estaré lejos,
muy lejos de aqui ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Como si fuera esta noche ♪
♪ La última vez ♪
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
♪ Que tengo miedo a perderte ♪
♪ Perderte despues ♪
Whoo!
That was good. Thank you.
So there!
So there, it was a great afternoon, and
you really turned this day around for me.
Well, thank you
very much, my dear.
The lunch was wonderful,
and I enjoyed the song.
Well, you know, I put my
best effort forward, you know.
Not that song, fool.
The song Alberto sang.
- Oh.
- What an expressive voice he has!
Yeah, but, let me just say that
it's not difficult to sing like that.
All you have to do is
take your voice up...
And you talk like
this all the time.
And so it's very
nice to be here...
♪ Besame ♪
♪ Besame mucho ♪
Thank you. We'll call
you if we need that.
No, it was really great.
And the food was so good.
You know, I loved the food.
And you didn't touch the
dessert when they came.
You went like that.
And you know what?
I noticed that you did not buy
that hateful cake with the white icing
and strawberries on it,
like you usually get me
every year for my birthday,
and I thank you for that,
because I am never
eating that again in life.
Well, you might.
I wouldn't say
that if I were you.
I commend you on saying
that you are not going to eat it,
but then again, it's a
long time... 46, 47, 48...
You'll see. You will see.
Okay.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
The Cosby Show is taped
before a studio audience.
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA