The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 5, Episode 20 - Theo's Women - full transcript

♪♪ [orchestra tunes up]

♪♪ [theme]

Mmm. Delicious.

You know, that's my
second-favorite treat?

Really? Yeah.

Well, well, well.

Two lovebirds are at it again.

Rudy, get out.

I don't have to. It's a free
world and a free kitchen.

Come on, Theo, let her stay.

Yeah, Theo.



Can't you control
yourself for one minute?

All right, Rudy, you
can stay. Just cool out.

Okay.

What's that I smell?

We're making chocolate mousse.

No, it's not the mousse.

I smell Dad's cologne.

Any left in the bottle?

I think Theo smells very nice.

Thank you, Justine.

Ow!

Justine, he hit me!

Theo, stop tormenting
your little sister.

Come on, I'm not doing anything.



Rudy, I have a big brother, too,

and I know what
a pain they can be.

You said it.

[Justine chuckles]

Need some help?
I'd be delighted.

- Excuse us.
- Excuse me.

Oh, come on, you
guys aren't serious.

Come on. Thank you.

Yes, we are. Here you go.

Can't believe this.

Trying to be alone
with my girlfriend.

Look what I got to put up with.

Justine and I trying to
have a little bit of privacy.

Rudy gonna come in and
start messing up things.

Justine and I never
get to be alone

'cause there're always
people wherever we go.

Dad, if we are in a
subway car that's half full,

that's the most alone we get.

If you're looking for
any sympathy from me,

you're looking at
the wrong person.

You're looking at a
man who has been alone

approximately one and
a half hours since 1963.

Now, if you want to be alone
with Justine, I would suggest

that you get a job, buy a house,

get married, and
have no children.

All I'm asking is to be alone
with Justine for a little while.

You want to be
alone with Justine?

Yeah! Okay.

I'm gonna give this to you once.

Your mother and I used
to do this all the time.

Go to a bad movie.

Not just a bad movie,

but a bad foreign
movie with subtitles.

Whoo! Nobody in
that theater, Jack.

No, I mean a bad
movie where there's...

They have a lot
of fog, you know?

People walkin' around in
the fog, and the men cry.

You take her to
that, you'll be alone,

and you'll find even the
candy counter is self-service.

Until they complete
their investigation.

Well, I think I've found
our bad foreign movie.

The Death Sonata, in
Swedish with subtitles.

Nobody's gonna be there.

Perfect.

But it started a half hour ago.

When's the next showing?

Five hours from now.

Justine, why can't we just send
your roommate out someplace?

No. Delores broke her
foot, and her leg's in a cast.

Great.

Justine! Justine!

Hey, Delores!

Oh, looks like
you're up and about.

Going somewhere?

No. I was supposed to work
the alumni reception today.

They need a waitress.
It pays $75 plus tips.

Do you want it?

Oh, I can't. Theo
and I are going out.

Hey, Justine, go
ahead if you want to.

No problem.

You don't mind? I could
really use the money.

Absolutely not. Thank you.

Aw, see, now look at you two.

That's how a couple should be:

understanding, flexible,
and all over each other.

I'll call you when I get home.

Bye, Theo. Thanks, Delores.

See you later.

So, what were you two gonna do?

We're gonna see a five-and-a-half-hour
movie called The Death Sonata.

Oh, Bjorn Lundstrom.
He's my favorite director.

The last two hours of the
movie, the screen is black,

and all you hear
is water dripping.

It's deep.

[coin rattles]

[thumping]

Give it back.

What, you think you
can get away with that?

Give me my chocolate!

Do you hear me?

Drop it now.

Uh, sometimes

if you just hold this
button a little longer...

[coins clattering]

Ah. There you go.

Ha. Here you go.

What did you do that for?

Isn't this what you wanted?

Chomping down calories is
supposed to make me feel better?

No. This makes me feel better.

I only wish this
was Randy Henley.

Oh, I know Randy. He's
a theater major, right?

He is also my acting partner,

with whom I'll be going down
the tubes tomorrow in scene class

because he can't rehearse.

He had to work.

Oh, that's too bad.

You're not a theater
major, are you?

No. Why?

I'd ask you to
help me run lines.

Run 'em where?

Read them with me.
Run through the scene.

Well, I'm not
doin' anything now.

Super. Let's do it.

We'll have to share this script.

Yeah?

Now, I'm Joan of Arc.
You're the third inquisitor.

We'll start here.

You want me to deny who I am,

what I have been chosen to do.

What I speak is the truth.

It is all I have left,

and if truth shall be my
companion in the flames,

so be it.

[without feeling] Stop
your lies, you foolish girl.

I give you all of that,
and you come back with,

[without feeling] "Stop
your lies, you foolish girl"?

Weren't you listening to me?

Well, no. I was waiting
for my part to come.

Well, you have
to listen to me...

and then feel
what you're saying.

Again.

And if truth shall be my
companion in the flames,

so be it.

Stop your lies!

You foolish girl.

You're useless. Hopeless.
You're wasting my time.

I'm wasting your time?

Look, I'm just trying to help you
out. I didn't come ask you to run lines.

You told me what to do,

and all of a sudden I
do it, and it's wrong.

- See, now that's perfect.
- What?

See, you're... you're
frustrated. You're upset.

Draw from that.

I'll give you your cue.

And if truth shall be my
companion in the flames,

so be it.

Stop your lies...

you foolish girl.

Better! Much better! [chuckles]

Thank you.

I am afraid.

I'm afraid of the heat.

I'm afraid of the fire! I'm
afraid of screaming out!

I'm afraid of being alone.

Wow.

You sound so real. That
didn't sound anything like acting.

Really? Yeah.

It sounded like it
was really happening.

- You know, the flame, the heat?
- [chuckles]

It did? Yeah.

I felt like... I don't know.

Well, tell me, tell me.

Like grabbing a
fire extinguisher.

Or grabbing you, saving you.

You should have!

I should've what?

Grabbed me, touched me.

I mean, if that's what you
feel, you should go for it.

I mean, that's what it's
about... Acting on your instincts.

Acting is your instincts.

Well, maybe I should
sign up for this course.

I got a lot of instincts.

You want to keep going?

- Yeah!
- Your line.

Uh...

You pretend to be
more than human,

but you aren't.

No one is.

I pretend to be
nothing but what I am.

Am I to be punished for that?

Your line. Oh.

There's no more to be said!

Theo!

Justine!

That wasn't real.
We were acting.

We're rehearsing Joan of Arc.

She's about to get burned.

[chuckles]

I was helping Jade run lines.

Theo has great instincts.

I know all about
Theo's instincts.

Justine.

Listen, do we have to get
all tensed out about this?

I mean, I know what's coming...
Some big, emotional scene...

Screaming, crying.

Why don't you just go ahead
and get it over with? Go on.

Honey, this is not a play. This
is real life, and you can get out.

Justine, call me if you need me.

Or my cane.

You couldn't even
sneak off somewhere.

Justine, it wasn't
what it looked like.

We were rehearsing Joan of Arc.

I don't remember Joan
of Arc kissing anybody.

You show me in here where
Joan of Arc kisses somebody,

then we have no problems.

She was only tryin' to help me.
She was tryin' to get me to loosen up.

You look loose, all right.

Justine, she was getting
me to show my emotions.

Which I think is very valuable.

I do... because...
the thing is...

it helps us, too.

Is our relationship
in so much trouble

that you have to go and
practice with somebody else?

How could you do it, Theo?

How could you do this to me

in front of everybody
in the whole world?

Justine, I didn't
mean to hurt you.

Look, can we go someplace
else and talk about this?

I don't think so.

Wait. Justine.

It was nothing. Really.
It meant nothing to me.

Neither do I.

Justine, it's me, Theo.
Listen. Please, don't hang up.

[click]

[dial tone]

Ohh! I could just kill him!

Who does he think he is?

Vanessa, would you
please keep it down?

I need some peace
and quiet right now.

I will not keep it down.

Do you have any idea
what happened to me today?

I stayed late at school because
I had a Science Club meeting,

so when I left, I
took a shortcut home.

And right there, on
Flatbush Avenue,

in front of everybody,
sitting on a bench

with his arm around Kyla
Stevens was my boyfriend!

Excuse me. Ex-boyfriend.

Jeremy "the rat-nose" Wilson.

He was?

So I went up to him.

And I said, "What
are you doing?"

And he just looked
at me and said,

"Well, I was just sitting here
with my arm on the bench,

and she sat down next to me."

Can you believe that?
Right there in public

with his hands all
over some other girl.

Would you do that to
someone that you cared about?

Why would he do that, Theo?

Why?

I don't know, Vanessa.

But just because he had
his arm around another girl

doesn't mean he
doesn't care about you.

You should give
him another chance.

That is the same kind of
garbage he was tryin' to lay on me.

What is it with you guys?

Do you all read from
the same book of bull?

Jeremy is history.

Do you know the sacrifices
I made for this guy?

Well, what if he came to you

and he confessed that he
made a terrible, terrible mistake?

I'd show him the door.

Okay.

What if he said he
was really, really sorry...

and you saw he was
in a whole lot of pain?

If I see him again,

he will know what pain is.

[typewriter dings]

[paper crunching]

Oh, yeah. Big paper due, huh?

Hey, Dad.

I decided to come down here
so Mom wouldn't hear the typing.

That's the kind of
thing I love to see...

My son burnin' the
midnight oil, Jack.

- I'm writing a poem.
- Huh?

To Justine.

Oh.

Oh, man.

Dad... I messed up.

Sorry.

Justine saw me kinda
kissing another girl

in her dormitory lounge.

It wasn't a real kiss.

It was an accident.

One of those things
that just happen.

Uh, you... you were
"kind of kissing"?

Yeah, but it was an accident.

You... You're talking to me.

- There's this theater major.
- Uh-huh.

- Her name is Jade.
- Yeah.

And she was over
by the candy machine.

And that's when you tripped
and your lips fell on her face?

See, one minute I'm helping
her rehearse the play Joan of Arc.

Next thing I know,
we're kissing.

And that's when
Justine walked in.

That reminds me of a story.

Oh, boy.

It reminds me of a
story when I was...

dating your mother,

and we were going
very, very steady.

And, uh, there were
some, uh, neighbors...

I had a job, and I
would walk their dogs.

And I had this one
dog. His name was Abe.

Little dog.

Had, uh... Had a beard.

That's why they called him Abe.

And, uh... [imitates gunshot]

Squirrel came by.

Boom!

Abe takes off. Leash
comes out of my hand.

I chase Abe. Abe's
chasing the squirrel

through the bushes, under...
Up in the tree, and all around.

I'm going through the
bushes. "Abe, Abe, come back."

I lost Abe.

I don't know... I... I walked
through the park looking for Abe.

Couldn't find Abe.
It started to get dark.

I'm getting a little scared.

And so I came on back home

very, very depressed.

And on the porch...

almost smiling... was Abe.

What...

in the world...

does that have to do with me?

I didn't lose my dog.

I lost my woman.

Which brings me to the point

that had I not found Abe,

your mother would
have been upset with me

because your mother
loved to play with Abe.

Thanks, Dad.

I'm gonna go back to my poem.

See, I don't think that
you want to write poems.

Poems is not the way you're
going to get your woman back.

What you need to do now

is go to the next level,

if you want Justine back.

What's that?

Begging.

You need to do
some serious begging.

And I mean other than the
begging you've been doing,

where it... you say,
"Justine, I'm sorry."

And "Justine, well, it
wasn't me that you saw."

You know, that kind of thing.

You need to do some serious,

get down underneath...

Please, please, please.

And then you can
go to the next level.

Which is... Just a second.

I'll show you what I mean.

This is the ultimate level.

This one.

There you go.

Now, pay attention
to what I'm saying.

All right, this is
the level you want.

♪♪ [blues intro]

♪♪ [ends]

That's what you want.

The blues... begging
level, my son.

Now, listen to me.

♪♪ [scatting blues intro]

♪ Justine, Justine ♪

Look, listen to me.

You're a dog.

You're a dog.

You're under the house.

It's 22 below zero.

The wind is blowing fierce.

You're freezing,
and you're cold,

and the only person who
can open that door for you

is Justine.

♪♪ [scatting blues intro]

♪ Justine, Justine ♪

All right!

Now, wait. Come,
come on, come on.

Now we got it. It's
just you, you, you...

You got to call.

You got to call. You
got to hit that big note.

Get inside now.

Come on, now.

♪♪ [scatting blues intro]

♪ Ooh ♪
There you go!

- Come on!
- ♪ Justine, Justine ♪

[scatting] Let me hear it!

♪ Justine, Justine ♪

♪ You're sorry, you're sorry ♪

♪ Don't believe what you see ♪

[scatting]

♪ Justine, Justine ♪

[scatting]

♪ Oh, baby, I'm sorry ♪

[scatting]

Justine.

This should be good. Yeah.

You wouldn't talk to me over
the phone, so I had to come over.

What, do you need
more acting lessons?

No, Delores.

Justine, do you
want me to leave?

No. Good.

Can I just see you
alone for one minute?

I don't want to see you at all.

Okay, wait, then
take this. It's a poem.

- You could read it later.
- I'm not interested.

- Then can I read it to you?
- We have to go.

"What's a hug to
someone who's alone?

"What's a call that
doesn't reach the phone?

"What's a mystery
book without a plot?

"What's a chili dog...
without the hot?"

"They're not. They're nothing.

And that's just what I've got."

- That's right.
- Justine!

Please! Please take
me back, Justine!

Please! I'll do
anything! Please!

Punish me, just take me back!

Delores...

you can't let this happen.

We can work this out if Justine
would just listen to me, but she won't.

Now, she might listen to you.

No, no. I can't get
involved in this, Theo.

Look at the pain I'm in!

Now, if you could just get her
to give me one minute alone,

that's all I ask.

Please help me.

Please. Do I have
to beg for you, too?

No, no, no. Don't...
Don't be doing that for me.

No.

I'll ask her. Okay, thanks.

Well, what did she say?

She says to get rid of you,

and that she doesn't
want to see anymore,

and that it's over.

No, you got to go
back and talk to her.

I'm in pain. Can't you
see that I'm in pain?

You're the one in pain?

I'm the one in pain.

I'm the one with the bad
foot. Look, I'm outta here.

[sigh]

Oh, hi, there.

Hi.

Well, how'd things
go with Justine?

Not too well.

Listen, I want you to know that
what happened between me and you

didn't mean anything.

You think it meant
something to me?

You kissed me.

You mean that
didn't mean anything?

That's acting.

Well, it's over.

Whatever you say.

Listen, I'm late for
class. I gotta go.

Yeah. Bye, Jade.

Good-bye, Leo.

♪♪ [theme]

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