The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 3 - It Ain't Easy Being Green - full transcript

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Good-bye, old water heater.

They just said, "We
can't fix him anymore."

Been with us for 20 years.

Gave me and my family

clean dishes, clean
clothes clean children.

So now you're going to
the big basement in the sky.

Au revoir.



Finally getting rid
of this water heater.

Yes, yes. Well,
can't help it anymore.

Well, what is the bow for?

The bow is so that these
men coming by will haul it away.

What is the note for?

Read the note. You take
this note and look at it.

"Dear Mr. Sanitation Man,

"I put a bow on my water heater
to make your day a little sweeter.

"Not many appreciate
what you do,

"but I, for one,
am a fan, true blue.

Your friend,
Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable."

Now, you know they're
gonna haul this away.

Cliff, the only thing that needs to
go in the garbage truck is your poem.

Yes.



Well, how about if I put
you out on the sidewalk

with a bow around you?

Nobody would take you away.

Alfred, remember
the red and blue days,

when you stood for
everything that I loved.

Mon frère, au revoir.

♪♪

- Mom?
- Yes, honey.

This is the dress I'm
wearing to Kelly's party, okay?

Okay, bye.

Just a minute, Rudy.

- Yes, Mom?
- Come here, please.

- What for?
- Just come here.

You know, just last
month we put that dress

and all your summer clothes
in a trunk, and I told you

it's getting too cold
for you to wear them.

Yesterday, it was hot.

Well, I know, but yesterday
was an unusual day.

Today it's 52 degrees.

It's probably going to get
hot when the party starts.

I don't think so, Rudy.

The weatherman says
it's gonna get colder,

so why don't you take that
dress and put it back in the trunk.

But this is my favorite dress.

Can I wear it to
the party? Please?

Mmm, I want you to dress warm.

I am warm.

Well, you're in the house.

But, Rudy, if you go
outside dressed like that,

you're gonna catch a cold.

I don't care, as long
as I can wear my dress.

I'm sorry. The answer is "no."

But I wanna wear it.

Well, I'm sorry, sweetie.
You're not wearing it.

Yes, I am.

Young lady... don't
you talk back to me.

A "no" is a "no," understand?

But, Mommy, you're
making me feel bad.

Oh, Rudy, if you don't listen to
me, you're gonna feel much worse.

Now take that dress,
put it back in the trunk,

and let's have no further
discussion about it, please.

I have one more question.

Yes, what is it?

Can I wear my dress to the
party this one time? Please?

No. Upstairs now.

- But Mo...
- Rudy!

If I hear one more word out of
you, you're not going to that party.

I mean it.

Hello?

Uh, Sanitation Department?

Yes, um...

I'm from the
Brooklyn Heights area.

I'm calling again.

Uh, are any of your
trucks broken down?

They're not? Well, they're
running on time, yes?

Okay. Um, because I left
two bulk items out there.

Right. No more than four.
I know that. I understand.

By the way... Um, I
know I told you this before,

but I voted for the pay raise.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry you
didn't get more.

Huh? Right, okay.
You're welcome.

Uh, right. What?

Oh, God bless you, too.

Yes.

Yes. God bless.

Oh, Roberto! How are you?

Yeah. I came over
to study with Vanessa.

Yeah, well, she's
not here right now,

because she went
down to the... to the, uh...

She went to the store.

I know. I came
over an hour early.

So, how's it going?

Just fine, Robert.

It's going good with me, too.

Good. Good.

Is this yours, Dr. Huxtable?

Yes, indeed. It's in my house.

Oh, vintage...
antique cars. Uh-huh.

You thinking of
buying one of these?

Well, I'm thinking about a
1937 Aston Martin fix-it-up.

Whoa. That could run
into some serious money.

Well, I certainly
hope not, Robert. No.

- Dr. Huxtable, can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm. Sure.

Instead of buying this car,

wouldn't it be better if you
gave the money to charity?

Pardon me?

You already have
a car, a nice car.

There are people in the world who
can't even afford to buy roller-skates.

You could really help them
by giving them this money.

I mean, as a wise man once said,

"The value of money increases
when it is shared by many."

And another wise man once said,

"The person who gives away
nothing has nothing to give."

Now, I know it's bold of
me to be talking this way,

but I feel that I can,
because of the...

The strength of
our relationship.

- Robert?
- Yeah.

Mrs. Huxtable and I give to the
lower economic neighborhood

free medical and legal care.

We also make donations

to different charities.

Now, if I show you the receipts,

may I have my car, please?

Sure.

Oh, thank you.

- Dr. Huxtable?
- Yes, sir.

If you don't mind, I'd like
to talk about my love life.

See, it's... It's not
in very good shape.

See, the last few weeks,

the girls I've wanted to be
with don't want to be with me.

- Yeah, Robert?
- Yeah?

Uh, I really don't
want to hear this.

I know. I know.
It upsets me, too.

I think the problem
that I'm having is,

when I'm with a girl,
I go with my feelings,

but they go with their feelings.

It's a matter of
fusion versus fission.

Yeah. Hey, Robert?
Let me tell you.

Um...

Vanessa should be
coming home just about now,

so she's carrying a lot of bags
and she could use some help.

She may even be tired.

So, what I'd like
is for you to sit out

on the front stoop out
there and be on point.

So, when she comes, you can
grab those packages and help her.

That's a good idea,

but see we won't be
able to finish our talk.

What I'm saying is that,
because of the strength

of our relationship,

you can be sitting
out there, you see,

and whatever you're thinking
will come in and... and get me.

- I hear you.
- Downtown.

- Downtown.
- What it is. Yeah.

Daddy! Hey!

Is Mommy back
from the store yet?

Not yet, hon!

I wanna show you something.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Do you think I look
pretty in this dress?

I think you look
gorgeous in that dress.

Today I'm going to
Kelly's birthday party.

Do you think I should wear this?

Of course, you should.

I have other dresses.

Wear that one.

There's no other dress,
as far as I'm concerned.

Then I'll wear it.
Because you said so?

Because I said so.

I said it's beautiful, okay?

- I love you.
- I love you, too.

My baby.

Hey, dear.

Show... No.

Show... Show Mom your dress.

Go on. Spin around.

Look at this dress she's
wearing to the party tonight.

Come on, show... show Mom.

Rudy, why are you in that dress?

Rudy, I told you specifically

to take that dress and
put it back in the trunk.

Now you are asking for it.

Daddy told me to wear it.

And don't try to use your
father against me, okay?

Because he has no
idea about such things.

I want you to
take that dress off.

I want you to
put it in the trunk.

And don't think of
defying me ever again.

- Do you understand me?
- Yes, Mommy.

All right, now go.

Now, Cliff, I don't understand
how you can look at that dress

and tell that child
that she can wear it

on a day like today.

You have been in this house,

and there are three daughters
who have grown up in your eyesight.

Were you not paying attention?

I... I paid attention,
but I was tricked.

I didn't know.

Why didn't you
check with me first?

Because I don't know
all the time to check.

See, a lot of people...

See, uh, just a little while
ago, if I'd have checked,

it would have helped me
not to let Robert in here.

But I can't check with the checker
and the check and the check.

Checks.

I'm sorry.

You're right. Thank you.

And from now on, you don't
have to check with anybody.

Thank you. Except me.

- Hey, Theo.
- Hey, Robert.

I didn't know you were here.

Yeah, Vanessa
and I were studying,

but she's changing now,
'cause we're going to the mall.

Wanna come?

Well, I'm kind of into
the paper right now.

Well, we can wait
until you're finished.

Well, I'm sure by that time
I'll be into something else.

But you kids have a good time.

You know, this is probably

the most important trip
I've ever made to the mall?

Mm.

See, there's this girl I'm really
interested in, Joyce Barnett.

See, Vanessa
invited her to the mall,

but what Joyce doesn't know
is, I'm coming along to meet her.

Vanessa's fixing
you up with a girl?

Yeah. I'm sort
of in a crisis now.

I've lost all my confidence.

Every girl I've asked
out in the last three weeks

has rejected me.

Boy, that must be rough.

I mean, I know you
do a lot of asking out.

Even when they say
"yes," it never works out.

In the last two years, 23
girls have broken up with me.

Twenty-three?

Well, actually, 22. I
shouldn't count Linda Potter.

See, her dad's in the
Navy and got transferred.

The whole family moved to Guam.

Wow, that's too bad.

Yeah, I didn't even find
out until after she left.

Robert... all I wanna know is,

how do you deal
with all this rejection?

Where are you
storing all that misery?

It's gotta go somewhere.

Don't worry. I'm
not letting it build up.

A wise man once said,

"Pain is like a lighthouse.

"If you allow it
into your heart,

it'll guide you to shore."

- Yeah, that's deep.
- Thank you.

Okay, I'm ready.
Vanessa, you look fantastic.

Thank you. Really, I mean that.

It's impossible for
you to look bad.

Do you think if Joyce and I
don't work out, you and I could...

- No, Robert.
- Okay.

We're friends.

And I don't wanna
ruin our friendship

by letting something
like dating get in the way.

That's why I'm introducing
you to Joyce Barnett.

I really think you're
gonna like her.

Hey, Robert, who knows?

Maybe she's the lighthouse

on the shores of the
seas of your heart.

Wow, can I use that someday?

It's yours. Thanks.

Come on, Robert. Okay.

Hi, Rudy.

- Hi. Where are you going?
- To the mall.

Vanessa, is that
what you're wearing?

Yeah.

You wore that this summer.

So?

We're not allowed to wear
summer things in the fall.

I'm putting on a jacket.

Did Mom say it's okay?

Rudy, I don't have to
have Mom's permission.

I can wear what I want.

She tells me what to wear.

- That's different.
- Why?

Because you're eight years old.

You don't know enough yet, so
you have to be told what to do.

It's for your own good.

Okay, I'll see you later. Bye.

I know enough. She
doesn't know anything.

She's dumb.

Everybody's dumb.

Hey, Rudy.

Aren't you gonna say
"hi" to your brother?

- No.
- All right. Fine.

If anybody needs me,
I'll be at Lana's house.

Is that what you're wearing?

Well, yeah.

You got to pick those clothes
out yourself, didn't you?

Sure, why?

- It's not fair.
- What's not fair?

You get to wear whatever you
want and do whatever you want.

I don't get to do anything.

Rudy...

I wasn't always allowed
to do whatever I want.

You know, I went through years
of being treated like a little kid,

but now I'm 17.

My senior year in high school.

I'm practically an adult.

Plus, I get free room and board.

Rudy, one day you
will have it just as good,

but you have to wait your turn.

Be cool. Hang in there.
It's only nine more years.

Later.

♪ It's not that
easy being green ♪

♪ Having to spend these
days the color of leaves ♪

♪ When I think it could
be so much nicer ♪

♪ Being red, yellow or gold ♪

♪ Or something much
more colorful like that ♪

♪ Lord, it's not
easy being green ♪

♪ It seems you blend in ♪

♪ with so many
other ordinary things ♪

♪ And people tend
to pass you over ♪

♪ 'Cause you're
not standing out ♪

♪ Like the flashy
sparkles on the water ♪

♪ Or stars in the sky ♪

♪ You know green
is the color of spring ♪

♪ Yes, and green can
be cool and friendly-like ♪

♪ Oh, ho, ho ♪

♪ Green can be
big like an ocean ♪

♪ Or important like a mountain ♪

♪ Or tall like a tree ♪

♪ Yeah, and green
is all there is to be ♪

♪ Well, it could make
you wonder why ♪

♪ But why wonder? ♪

♪ Why wonder? ♪

♪ I'm green ♪

♪ And it'll do fine,
'cause it's beautiful ♪

♪ And I think it's
what I want to be ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Hey! You forgot
the water heater!

Hey! Hey!

The water heater!

Hi.

Hey.

You look sad.

They wouldn't take
my water heater away.

I'm sorry. Mm.

What's the matter with you?

I'm little.

And when you're
little, you're nothing.

So you're nothing?

I am a big nothing.

Well, if you're nothing,
then I can't see you.

And if I can't see you,
then I couldn't do like this.

You know what I mean?

You dig? Huh?

Yes. And if you were nothing,
then you wouldn't be laughing.

I'm crossed off.

Oh, this is depressing.

I wonder what we can
do to make life better.

I know. What?

I could wear my
dress to the party.

No, ma'am; you're not
pulling that one on me again.

No, indeed.

Mom got pretty upset with me.

She sure did.

And how is it that you tried
to get me in trouble like that?

I almost got you good, too.

Yeah, because you're a crook!

I'm not a crook.

You are a crook.

And let me tell
you something else.

You don't seem to understand
that when you trick me like that,

then I have to go into
the room and Mom is there

and Mom talks to
me all night long.

"Why didn't you check with me?

And you check with me and you
check and you check and you check."

And you're in your room going...

And the next time you do that to
me, you're going in the room with Mom

and I'm sleeping in your bed.

- I'm sorry.
- Good.

At least you get to pick
out your own clothes.

I think I have one of the
greatest all-time ideas.

- What?
- Go get up on this step here.

Okay, now you jump on my
back and then I'll tell you the idea.

Ah! We're gonna go up to your room
and we're gonna pick out some clothes.

Fall clothes, mind you.

Not summer clothes,
not spring clothes,

but fall clothes, and
make Mom happy.

Hi, Theo.

Hey.

So, how'd it go at the mall?

Well, I met Joyce Barnett.

And?

And we hit it off great.

All right.

And then we broke up.

What?

It's true, the fastest
breakup in history.

Robert.

Joyce couldn't
handle commitment.

You came on too strong.

I introduced them.

He said "hello,"
and he asked her out

to the senior prom.

Robert, that's three years away.

I don't have a date
for the senior prom.

Hey, the troops are here.
Just the people I want to see.

What's up? Stay right there.

Clair? Yes?

Would you come out please, dear?

Is everything okay?

No, it's fine; I want
you to see something.

Watch this.

♪♪

We present the Rudy
Huxtable fall ensemble,

created by the internationally
famous House of Rudy.

As you can see, we
have the blue stockings,

which are playing
against the turquoise skirt.

And as she is patrolling
there, we have the dinosaur,

which is a dironamous
sort of thing,

which envelops around
the black and the purple.

And our model has on the
low, low moccasin loafers,

which are the thing this year.

And so, with our ensemble,
we know that Miss Rudith

is certainly saying,
"I am autumn."

I am love."

Rudy, you look gorgeous.

Thank you.

May I have the pleasure of
escorting you to your party?

You may.

Then, shall we?

We shall.

Mommy, I'm sorry
about what I did.

You were right, I was wrong.

Apology accepted.

But I still think I look
better in the other dress.

Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

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The Cosby Show was taped
before a studio audience.