The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 23 - Gone Fishin' - full transcript

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Mom, we're going out in
the backyard to play, okay?

Okay. But, Rudy, put
your hat on, honey.

But it's spring outside.

I know, but it's only 45 degrees,
though, so put your hat on.

Okay.

Kenny, you should
wear your hat, too.

I don't have to. I'm a man.

So?

So men don't get
cold in the spring.



They only get cold
when it's below zero.

That's why they send
men to the South Pole.

Kenny, there are
women at the South Pole.

Oh, yeah, but they stay inside.

Oh, I see. Okay,
well, run along, then.

I'll give your mother
a call in a little while.

I'll tell her that you went
outside without your hat.

I'm sure she'll say it's
okay because you're a man.

Let's go, Rudy. Okay.

Hey! Look at Kenny!

What are you
doing with a hat on?

You told me you'd never wear a
hat as long as you lived, Kenny.

You are not going to believe
what happened to your son today.

What?



No. Uh, ask your son,

who has gone
fishing 15 or 20 times,

who has never caught anything,

ask him what he reeled in today.

A rubber tire.

No! Ask him what he caught!

You caught a fish? Where is it?

The morgue.

He caught a dead man
in a three-piece suit.

The police think it was a gangster
named Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

You know, the famous guy
they've been looking for?

So Granddad said, "Well, now, wait a
minute, fellas, let's just change places."

So we're reeling
in, we're reeling in,

and I got mine in,
and Granddad has in,

and your son is going... pulling,
and his pole is bent over like this.

And he said, "Dad, I
think I got something."

So I said, "Well, let
me help you pull it in."

But I told Dad I wanted
to bring it in all by myself.

But I noticed after a while, the
fish wasn't putting up much of a fight,

so Dad thought it
was just an old tire.

He said, "Cut the
line, let's move on."

I said, "Dad, this is
not a tire. I can feel it."

And it wasn't.

So I said, "Please
let me reel it in."

So I pulled with all my might, and
this thing floated up to the surface.

And then he pulled
it and saw the thing...

And my son saw it, and my son
said, "That's it, I'm not fishing no more!"

And pewn, took off.

I had to run and catch him.

My man was... my man was gone.

I said, "Hold it, man."

I said, "Now you
go get the police."

And he went and
called the police.

Dad and I covered the
man up, stood there.

He came back with the
reporter, and they interviewed.

And the police asked
us some questions.

And so then they went
off, and here we are.

But I must tell you

that I'm proud of my friend,

who, after being 0 for
15 in catching a fish,

is 1 for 1 in
catching a dead man.

That's enough warming
up. Let's play for real.

But we don't have enough people.

We don't need a lot of
people. It's one-on-one.

I'll be the goalie, and
you try to kick it past me.

That's going to be easy.

Nuh-uh. I'm quicker than you.

In your dreams.

Goal!

Yes! Yes! Whoo!

You're stupid.

You're a sore loser.

Sun got in my eyes. Right.

Bet you can't do it again.

Kenny, come here. Look.

Wow, a bird's nest.

Look. Babies.

I wonder where the mother is.

I don't know, but she
should be with the children.

Maybe she went
to find some food.

She shouldn't be doing that.
The man bird gets the food.

The mother bird
stays here at the nest.

Is that what your brother said?

No, that's what I say. That's
the way things are in nature.

Nuh-uh. I saw a TV
show about birds,

and the mother bird flew away and
got bugs and gave them to her babies.

Well, these babies look hungry.

Their mother's
doing a lousy job.

I think we should
feed them ourselves.

We can't. The TV show said
if a human touches the birds,

the mom will fly away and never
have anything to do with the birds.

Well, we should
keep an eye on them.

Yeah. If the mother doesn't
come back by tomorrow

we'll adopt them, and
we'll take care of them.

Good idea.

I guess that would
make you the mama bird

and me the daddy bird.

Yeah. Ooh, look at that.

Hi.

Woo, hi.

Everybody in the office
is talking about Theo.

Well, I told everybody at the
hospital about my son the fisherman.

It is kind of exciting when you think about
it, our boy getting all this attention.

You better believe it,
and you know what?

He's handling it with a
great deal of maturity, too.

Mom, Dad, do you know
who you're looking at?

Check out page 2
of the Daily Chronicle.

It's a picture of you by the
lake. When was this taken?

A reporter came
to my school today

to ask me questions about
what happened yesterday.

And at lunch he took me out to
the lake and took a picture of me.

Read the headline.

"Brooklyn Boy Hooks Dead Meat."

Isn't that great?

And, Dad, you know, it was that
gangster Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

He ran a stolen car ring, and the police
have been looking for him for a long time.

Read on, Mom.

"A Brooklyn youth,
armed with a fishing pole,

has solved a mystery that's been
baffling police for three weeks."

I'm a hero.

I went to school today.

You should have seen the kids

when I had the photographer
hanging out with me, and the reporter.

Dad, a teacher at school asked me to write
a story about it in the school newspaper.

You're kidding.

And when I went over to the
newsstand to buy the paper,

put my money down, guy looked
at me, he said, "Page 2, right?"

I said, "Yeah."

He said, "Hey, man,
autograph this for me."

So I signed it for him,

and pretty soon I had people
crowding around me asking questions.

I tell you, yesterday was the best
thing that ever happened to me.

Theo, did you say these things?

What things?
Listen to this, Cliff.

"I pulled on the line, and the bloated
corpse popped out of the water.

"It was a mess.

"The guy was purple. His
tongue was hanging out.

"His nose was
pushed over to his ear.

"He looked very bad.

"It looked like some mobsters
had worked him over real good."

Did you say this?

Well, the guy asked
me if I saw the body,

and I said, "No, I
went to call the police

while my dad and my granddad
pulled the body out of the water."

And from that he got this?

Dad, I got all the
local newspapers.

All right, thank you.

Had to go to five
different newsstands.

Hi, sweetie.

I'll get it.

Huxtable residence.

Yeah, yes, this is
Theodore Huxtable.

You do?

Okay, could you hold
on for one second? Yeah.

Dad, it's the producer
from Action News.

They want to come
down and interview me.

They're gonna put you
on television for this?

Give me the telephone, please.

Thank you.

Hello, this is Clair
Huxtable, Theodore's mother.

Uh, one moment, please.

This is Action News, and they
really do want to talk to him.

Okay.

Action News. They were voted
the number 1 news team in the city.

Come on, Mom, you have
to let me do the interview.

Wait a minute. Think
about what you're saying.

Suppose they want to
exploit you like that paper did?

They won't exploit
me, I promise.

I can handle myself.

How do you know that
they won't exploit you?

I'll tell you what. Let's let him do the
interview, but we have to be present.

Fine. You're the boss in this.

Dr. Huxtable and I
have talked this over.

Yes, we've decided to let Theodore do
this interview, but we must be present.

All right. What time
would you like to do it?

Fine. We're at 10 Stigwood
Avenue in Brooklyn.

We'll see you then.

Yes, thank you.

Thanks, Mom.

Okay, at 6:00, a news
team is coming to tape.

Better get busy with dinner.
Can you make your own salad?

I think I can.

I think I can, I think I can,
I think I can, I think I can.

So, Vanessa, how's it feel to
have a brother who's a celebrity?

Theo, it's really no big deal.

All you did was fish up
a dead body by accident.

Vanessa, do you know
how many important

things in history have
happened by accident?

Penicillin was discovered when somebody
left a cheese sandwich out overnight.

Theo, in history, you wouldn't have
been the guy who discovered penicillin.

You would have been the guy
who left the cheese sandwich out.

All right. Uh...

What about Sir
Isaac Newton, huh?

He was just sitting there under a
tree, and a apple hit him on the head,

and gravity was discovered.

Theo, in history, you would have
been the branch holding the apple.

You didn't do anything.
You were incidental.

All right, Vanessa.

You know, maybe I
am just a... A branch,

or maybe I am just the guy
who left the cheese sandwich,

but I don't see Action
News calling to interview you.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to go upstairs and figure out
what I'm going to wear for my interview.

Ha ha!

Hey, Mom, how
do I look? Very nice.

Thanks. I wore
the dark blue jacket

because I've seen a lot of
newscasters wearing blue,

And I read somewhere that blue was the
color that makes people trust you the most.

Theo, sit down.

Your father and I are very concerned
about you going through this,

but we are gonna let you do it.

I just want you to know
that we're gonna be present,

and if at any time I feel that this
reporter is conducting an interview

similar in tone to the one
that was in that newspaper,

I'm gonna step in and say that
you're not answering those questions.

And if she keeps it up, I'm
going to ask her to leave.

You know, Mom, you
would make a great manager.

A celebrity sometimes needs
a good manager to protect him.

Now, if I get a movie deal out of
this, you can negotiate the contract.

Mom, is the Action
News team here yet?

No, not yet.

How do I look? You look sharp.

You think they'll want to
interview any of your friends?

No, just his sister.

All right, you two, this is gonna
be between Theo and the reporter.

I think it best that the
two of you go elsewhere.

That's fine with us.

We have better things
to do, and it's a big secret.

Yeah, we're not even gonna
tell the Action News team.

Right.

Is that them?

Yes.

Hi, I'm Harriet
Waters, Action News.

And this is my
cameraman Wayne Eurich.

Hello. I'm Mrs. Huxtable. This
is my husband, Dr. Huxtable.

How are you, Miss Waters?
We watch you all the time.

Thanks for watching.
You must be Theo.

Yeah, you saw my picture
in the newspaper, right?

Do you know that that picture went
into papers all across the country?

Really? You think
maybe it got to Hollywood?

Probably.

Uh, could we start?

I'd like to finish as soon as
possible so we could have our dinner.

Oh, of course. If
it's all right with you,

I'd like to shoot Theo
sitting on the couch.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, fine. And
we'll be right here.

I understand. That's fine.
All right, are we ready to roll?

Whenever you are.

Theo, can you give us a level?

Oh, sure. This is Theodore
Huxtable from Brooklyn Heights.

Testing 1... That's good.

We're rolling, Harriet.

This is Harriet Waters, Action
News, talking to Theo Huxtable,

who two days ago, on a fishing
trip with his father and grandfather,

discovered the body of alleged
mobster Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

Theo, how do you feel knowing that you've
helped the police solve a major crime?

I feel I've done my
duty as a citizen.

I love Brooklyn, and I'm glad I
was able to serve it in this way.

What were your very first
thoughts when the body surfaced?

Well, as the son of a physician,
I ascertained immediately

that the body had expired
about three weeks ago.

Do you know that
after your discovery,

the police dragged the lake

and found the bodies of
several other underworld figures?

I'm not surprised.

According to my information,
the police now believe

that you have discovered a major
dumping ground for slain mobsters.

Well, you know,
when this all happened,

I got the feeling that the body
was just the tip of an iceberg.

Theo, tell me, how are you
handling your newfound fame?

I'm taking it all in stride.

The birds look really hungry.

I wonder where the mother is.

You can't worry about her.
We're the mommy and daddy now.

Get out a frying pan.

Are you sure they like
their worms cooked?

Of course. They're babies.

We have to cook their
food to get rid of the germs.

Okay.

What do we need butter for?

You always put butter in a frying
pan. They keep the worms from sticking.

Rudy!

Quick, it's my mom!
We have to hide this!

Um, the drawer.

Uh, Mom, we're in here!

Rudy.

Is the interview done already?

Almost.

It's getting dark outside.

I wanted to make sure
the two of you were in.

We're in here.

Excuse me, please.

Do you need something,
Mom? I can get it for you.

Yes, I need for you to move.

Who? Me or Kenny?

Both of you.

But, Mom, we can't.

What is... What is this?

Ooh! Oh!

Rudy, why are there
worms in my frying pan?

I think I should be going.

No, Kenny, you come back here.

What are you doing?

Mom, it was supposed
to be a secret.

Kenny and I are Mommy
and Daddy of baby birds.

Baby birds?

They're right over there
on the electric meter.

Oh, look at that.

They're all alone.
Their mommy left them.

Are you sure?

Yes, we've been watching
them since yesterday after school.

Their mommy hasn't
come back at all.

They were chirping real loud so
we decided to fry up some worms.

Well, I don't think we should do this
because worms are living creatures, too.

Yeah, but they're ugly.

But I bet their mothers
are missing them.

What about the birds? How
are we gonna feed them?

We should call the ASPCA and let them
come over and take care of the birds, okay?

Well, we'll go out and
put these worms back.

Thank you.

You want us to save the butter?

No, dear, I really don't
think we'll be needing that.

Okay.

Do you have the reverse angles?

I have it all. I think
we're finished.

Okay, we've got to hit the road.

Thank you for
being so cooperative.

Oh, you're welcome.

When will this be on?

Tonight at 11.

10 central time.

No Theo, it's not a national
broadcast. It's just local.

Well, thank you very
much. We will be watching.

Oh, good.

Mom, the birds are shivering.
It's too cold for them outside.

Can they come inside
until the ASPCA comes?

Oh, isn't that sweet?

Honey, I really think that these
birds are better off outside, honey.

Suppose their mother
came back? I'll put them back.

Where did you find them?

I found them outside
on the electric meter.

Let me show you.

Okay.

Well, Dad, I think
I did pretty well.

A chip off the old block.

You know, this is unbelievable.

I got to go upstairs.

I got to tell all my friends
to watch the 11:00 news.

Dad?

Yeah.

Well, the 11:00 news was
over here to interview Theo.

No, no, they didn't... they
didn't... They didn't want you.

No, no, and they didn't...
They didn't interview me.

No. Just wanted
Theo, that's all.

And you know what
I just experienced?

You know the time when... The
first time you saw me play football,

and I scored the
three touchdowns,

and you looked at me and
you said "Chip off the old block"?

Yeah, you should have
seen him in the interview.

Mature.

I mean, the birth
of a mature man.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm proud.

Okay.

Yeah, okay.
Yeah, all right, Dad.

I'll tell... I'll ask the lady
when she comes through

if she wants to interview you.

All right. Yeah, bring
out the trombone.

Bye-bye.

The outlook for the weekend
calls for a warming trend,

with temperatures
in the upper 50s.

On Sunday night, a
strong possibility of rain.

When are they
gonna go to my story?

You know, they have too many commercials.
I wish they wouldn't have commercials.

Come on, be
patient. It's coming up.

They always save this
kind of story for last.

So it should be a good
weekend for everyone,

but don't forget your galoshes when
you're going back to work on Monday.

Back to you, Harriet.

As you recall, yesterday, a young
high school student from Brooklyn

fished his way to fame.

There we go. Turn
it up, turn it up.

Hey!

Theo Huxtable
brought up the body

of missing mobster
Jimmy "The Snake" Martin.

I visited with Theo today.

Here's his reaction
to this unusual event.

I'm taking it all in stride.

But in an ironic comment
on life and death,

while Theo was
discovering death,

his sister Rudy was discovering
life in her own backyard.

Kenny and I found these little baby
birds who had just been hatched.

The mother didn't seem to be anywhere
around, and we didn't want them to die.

Rudy didn't know what
to do, so I had to step in.

You didn't step in.

My mother said
to call the ASPCA,

and they're coming
to save the birds.

So while Theo was calling the
police to take a dead body away,

little Rudy was calling
the ASPCA to save a life.

From all of us here at Action
News, I'm Harriet Waters. Good night.

♪♪

Very nice.

Very nice.

I don't believe this.

I sat here.

I did all that talking.

And the whole story was
on Rudy and those birds.

Some people have a shorter
moment in the sun than others.

I called up all my friends.

I told them to watch
the 11:00 Action News.

And what do you... I do all
this stuff, and what do you see?

"I'm taking it all in stride."

The whole story was
on Rudy and those birds.

Theo, you did get a little carried
away with your own heroics.

How could they do this to me?

They can do anything they want
if that's the story they want to tell.

I'm gonna go back to that
dude in the newspaper.

At least he made
me look like a hero.

They made me look like a fool.

Theo, that is not uncommon
on your father's side of the family.

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