The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 22 - The Prom - full transcript

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Theo. How are you feeling', man?

I still have the cold, but
nothing's gonna stop me

from going to the prom.

Denny, I went to
the tuxedo shop.

I said to myself,
"Money is no object."

I'm gonna get something for
the prom to make Justine go wild.

Hey, looks like I'm gonna have to
go back and upgrade my tuxedo.

Hey, Smitty. Come here, man.

Just a second, fellows.
I'll be right with you.



How 'bout I, uh, pick
you up about 7:00?

Great. I'll be waiting.

Gents, when you see this, you are
gonna want to kiss me too, but don't.

Guess how we're getting to the
prom? Our very own limousine.

Oh, man! How'd you score that?

My cousin happens to be
the Limo King of Forest Hills.

This is the top
chariot of its line!

Quadraphonic
stereo, a moon roof,

a television,
complimentary mixed nuts...

And, we get the family discount.

How much?

Regularly, $90 an hour.
For us, 69.99, tip included.

Hey, with our parents chipping
in, we could just about make it.

Smitty, Justine's
gonna hate you for this.



Why?

Because once she spends an
evening in this limousine with us,

the rest of her
life is downhill!

Cool. What's up, guys?

Oh, uh, Gordo. How are
you getting to the prom?

I hired a car.

Yeah, well I guess you could say
we hired a car too. Check this out.

Let's see. It's not bad.

Not bad? Yeah.

You see, when our car
pulls up next to yours,

your date is going to jump out of your
car and dive through our moon roof.

I wouldn't count on that, guys.

Because Darlene and I
are going to the prom in this.

You see, you guys just
got the standard limousine.

I've got the Olympiad
Ultra-Stretch.

It's nine feet longer,
not to mention,

fully equipped with large-screen
TV, VCR, CD stereo player,

and a complimentary
basket of tropical fruit.

See you guys later. Have fun.

Do we have any of those things?

Uh, no. But we can stop at the
supermarket and get the fruit.

Gordon's gonna make us look bad.

And if our dates hear about this, we
may end up going to the prom solo.

I don't think Roxanne's
the type of girl

to break a date over
the size of a limo.

Wait a minute. Yes, she is.

We gotta come up with
something to top Gordon.

How about this? We take
the limo over to Central Park

and hire one of those
horse-drawn carriages

to drop us off at
the prom. Yeah!

No good. Neil
Duggan did it last year.

Disaster. His date ended up smelling
like a horse the rest of the night.

Look. What are we gonna do?

Wait a minute.
Of course! I got it!

- What, what?
- This is good.

And I know this is the first
time it's ever been done

in the history of proms.

Don't leave us hanging, man.

We arrive at the
prom in a helicopter.

A helicopter?

I love it! You're a genius!

Yes, I know.

Let's do it. I'm there.

We're there! Right.

Theo showed me a picture of
the limo he's taking to the prom?

It has tinted windows, so
you can't see who's in it.

Hey, if I was in a limousine,
I'd want everybody to see me.

Mom, did Dad take you to
your prom in a limousine?

- No, I didn't go to my prom.
- Why not?

Well, your father was away at
school. He had to take final exams.

So he couldn't come.

Well, why didn't you
take someone else?

I mean, nobody should
miss their own prom.

I didn't want to
take someone else.

Your father and I were in love.

So you mean, on your prom night,

you sat in your room all
alone and cried your head off?

No, I talked to your dad on the phone
and then I went to a movie with my sister.

Did you cry your
head off at the movies?

No.

Really, compared to some
girls I knew, I had it very good.

There was one girl
named Sissy Logan.

Now, I remember her father was very strict.
He made her go to the prom with him.

And any time she danced with a boy,
he stood next to them and watched.

Compared to Sissy,
I had it very good.

Rudy, Mom's holding back on us.

About what?

About being happy
on her prom night.

She was miserable!
She's just not telling us.

How do you know?

Because that's what parents
do. They hide their feelings inside

to protect their children.

In reality, our mom has been
unhappy about this for 30 years.

Poor Mom.

Hey.

What's the matter with you all?

Dad, how could you let our
mom be miserable for 30 years?

I don't understand
what you're talking about.

You never took her
to her senior prom.

Oh, listen. I was
taking final exams.

You could have come
back if you really wanted to.

No, I couldn't have. These
exams were very, very important.

I wouldn't have married you.

Clair?

Listen, your mother and
I had an understanding,

and she has never showed
me that this bothered her.

She has been keeping
it inside for 30 years.

Dad, you did Mom wrong.

And we think it's time
you did something about it.

You should take
her to Theo's prom!

Nah. Then Theo would be
miserable for the rest of his life, too.

I know! We should
throw a prom for Mom!

What?

Yeah! Right here in
our own living room!

Are you guys serious about this?

Yeah! Yeah!

And your mother
didn't put you up to this?

No. No.

Sounds like a good idea to me.

Why yes, we'd like to take the private
helicopter to the east side heliport.

And then we'd like to swing south
and circle the Statue of Liberty

a couple of times
before we land.

And also, is there a parking space
for our limousine? Okay, great.

One more thing: do you have
complimentary mixed nuts?

Guys, the nuts are extra.

Go for it.

We'll take the nuts.

Now. How much is
all this gonna cost?

Sure. I'll hold.

He's figuring it out.

I can't believe this is
actually going to happen.

Roxanne flipped when she
heard about the chopper.

Three weeks ago, the girl
wouldn't even talk to me.

Today, she was
waiting at my locker.

You should have seen Gordon's face
when I told him about the helicopter.

The man might never recover.

All right! Yes? I'm here.

Okay.

Yeah. Okay, great!

Book it. Thanks.

Gentlemen, we have
ourselves a helicopter.

All right! How much?

Well, rental for the
helicopter and pilot, $250.

Fuel is another 50, and there's
a $20 surcharge per passenger.

Wait a minute. That
comes to more than $400!

How much are the nuts?

Will you forget about the nuts?
There's $400. Why did you book it, fool?

I had to. I didn't want
to look like a jerk.

Look, there's no way
we can pay for that.

When I tell Roxanne there is
no helicopter, she is gonna plotz.

Look, guys. We
can't give up on this.

There's gotta be a
way we can pull this off.

Hey, hey. Hey, fellas!

Look at that. What? What?

There's an ad for
helicopter lessons.

$89 an hour.

I'll take the lessons.

Theo, what about us?

You guys don't get it.

Listen, when I go
up for my lesson,

I'll say I have five friends I
want to take into the city with me.

Are you sure that'll work?

Hey, we're gonna be stepping out
of limousines, dressed in tuxedos.

How can they say no to us?

You're right. We're in.

Wait. Can I say something?

Why should we just be satisfied
with a helicopter and a limo?

Let's think of something that
would really put Gordon away.

Yeah, something the
ladies would really like.

Roxanne told me
she likes caviar.

- Perfect.
- You know what would go good with caviar?

A nice, imported salami.

Hey. There you go.

Oh!

Hey.

How's the prom committee doing?

Oh, great, Dad.
Want to read my sign?

Yeah. "Starlight Memories,
Senior Prom, 1958."

That's... Mom'll love that.

Look what else we made.

What is that?

It's that big mirror ball that you
hang in the middle of the dance floor.

That's wonderful!

It'll help with the romance.

Yeah, I need all
the help I can get.

Come on, Rudy.

Let's go find a place to hide
all this, so Mom won't see it.

Thank you. Mwah.

Thank you. Mwah!

Thank you.

Dad? Hey, I'm down here.

Dad, I need your help.

Whoo, look out now, Dr. Do It!

Ha-ha!

Lookin' beautiful.
What's happening?

Now I put everything
on that came in the box.

Right. But I don't know
what to do with these.

Oh, look, look, look.
Give it, give me these.

These are garters
for your socks.

Well, actually, see,
in the old days...

This was before they
put rubber in the socks...

You put 'em on, and after
you took about three steps,

the socks started
to go for themselves.

So they wind up all
down around your ankles

and... and you know, when
your pants were up like this,

then people see all
the ash... All like that.

So, you don't need these
now, see, because you have...

- So you don't need it.
- Yeah, but they came in the box.

I want to put it on.

Well, listen man, go for it.

This is a pretty exciting
night for you, isn't it?

It's probably gonna be
one I'm gonna write about.

And you get a chance to
stay out as late as you want.

Yeah, but it's okay. I got
a lot of sleep last night.

Now, just because you have
permission to stay out as late as you want

doesn't mean that you have
permission to do everything you want.

Dad, I won't be doing
anything at my prom tonight

that you won't
be doing at yours.

Don't forget, I'm
married to my prom date.

Gotcha, Dad.

That's all right!

I'll get it, Dad. Okay.

Hey, hey, everybody! Hello.

- Lookin' good, lookin' good!
- Not bad yourself, Huxtable.

Well! Who are
these lovely people?

You remember Denny,
right? And these are our dates:

Sylvia, Roxanne and Justine.

Smitty, this is just the kind of
house I want to have someday.

It's yours. Dr. Huxtable, how
much do you want for the place?

Money is no object.

Uh, $3.70.

I'll give you $3.60.

I'll take it. All
right, everybody.

I want to take a picture. Let's
move to this side of the room.

All right. Mrs. Huxtable,

you may not know it, but you're
taking a picture of a group of people

who may go down in history as...

The greatest
prom-goers of all time.

Well, all right. If Theo,
you and your friend

will move over closer
here... Move over.

I will try to make sure
that this thing is in focus.

What are you doing? I'm helping.

Can you wait one sec?
Great. Let's go down right there,

and uh, come on
a little further down,

on tippy-toe... Okay, thank you.

All right everybody,
say, "Party till you drop."

Party till you drop.

All right!

One more. Just a minute.

Hi. I'm Mike, the
limousine driver.

How are ya? Fine.

I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I
always like to meet with the parents

of the children, before
the evening gets started.

Oh, well thank you very much.

Bein' a parent myself, I know
what it's like to wait and worry.

Yeah.

So here's the private
phone number of my car.

You can look it
over if you'd like.

Oh, no, no. That won't be
necessary. Have a... Sit down.

Yeah, sure.

Theo, do you think we have time
to freshen up a bit before we go?

Of course.

We have a bathroom
just down the hall here.

Thank you.

Uh, Theo, while we're waiting, do
you think I can get something to drink?

Come on, we have a whole
case of ginger ale in the limo.

Yeah, I know that, but I
think I want a drink now,

and I think you two
should come with me.

Guys, we got to talk. What's up?

You know I went to
get the caviar, right?

Yeah, right. Did you get it?

Yeah. Well, let's see it.

That's it?

Where's the rest
of it? This is it.

This cost me $16. I had to
throw an extra dollar in there.

No problem. We'll give them small
forks to make it look like there's more.

All right.

I got this prom thing
down to a science.

I don't expect any
trouble with your kids,

but there are a few bad eggs
around, you know what I mean?

I know what you mean.

Therefore, I have drawn
up this official document

which they must sign
before they get into the limo.

You're kidding. Mm-hmm.

"We the undersigned,
heretofore..."

Yeah, I'm attending a
night course in pre-law.

Oh. Good for you.

"agree to pay the
aforementioned driver

a clean-up fee of $50"?

Yeah, bad eggs tend
to throw up in the car.

"At the discretion of the driver,
circumstances may require

a $10 lawn fee"?

For $10, if they
pass out in the car,

I carry them up to their
lawn and drop them.

Thanks for the water,
Theo. No problem.

We're ready to go.

All right, ladies and
gentlemen, your chariot awaits.

All right. Dad. See you later.

Bye-bye! Bye-bye.

Good night. Have a good time.

Well, there's another
child off to the prom.

Yeah. And I have
something for you.

Little surprise for you.

Read that, please.

- "Crestview High, Class of '58..."
- That's right.

"presents the Starlight
Memories Senior Prom."

- There you go.
- "Date, today. Time, tonight.

Place, the Papaya Ballroom
of the Hotel Huxtable."

If you please.

- It's my Sweet Sixteen dress!
- That's right. That's right.

Oh... Oh, I can't get into this.

Oh, yes you can, too, because I
gave the tailor the measurements

and I did mine also.

We're a little broader.

Are we going to the prom?

Please, hit your room.
I'll change in my office.

Well, hello.

Is this the Papaya Room
of the Hotel Huxtable?

Yes, it is.

Please, do come in, Miss Hanks.

We're your chaperones. I am
your math teacher, Mrs. Durwood.

And I am your English
teacher, Mrs. Hall.

It's very nice to see you again.

Please, do join us.

Oh, but you seem to
have come without a date.

Well, I had one.

But I can't seem to find him.

Well, lucky for you, there's this
young man around here without a date.

Oh, young man! Young man!

Clair, may I present
Heathcliff Huxtable.

He's a junior at Hillman College.
He plays football and runs track.

He also wants to be a doctor.

But I don't think he's
gonna make it. Shh.

Heathcliff, this is Clair Hanks.

She's a senior,
and gets straight A's.

We think she'll have
lovely children some day.

Hello, Heathcliff. Clair.

Please.

Miss Hall, I think it's time
for the prom committee

to retire upstairs.

No, it's not. The
prom just got started.

I think these youngsters
would like to be alone.

But we're the chaperones. We
have to make sure they don't smooch.

Heathcliff? Huh?

I notice that you
have a corsage for me.

Oh, yes, yes, yes I do.

Aren't you going to pin it on?

I thought you'd never ask.

Oh, boy.

Please, let me.

Thank you.

Okay. Are they... Are they fine?

Okay. Are you sure they're
on their way here, Mike?

No, I'm not upset with you.

Okay. Bye.

What are you laughing at?

- Your son.
- Is he all right?

Yes, he's all right.

Your son... rented a helicopter.

Theo gets in the helicopter,
the thing starts up,

the thing blows
all their hair...

And the guy says
that he flies around

and takes his
lesson for a half hour.

Then he lands, they
get back in the car,

the girls' hair all full
of dirt and everything...

So, Theo says,

"Well, let's have some caviar."

They don't have any crackers. You're
supposed to have crackers with caviar.

Smitty says, "Look, caviar is
expensive and it should stand alone."

So they open up the thing, they
have one, two little hits of the caviar...

Your son, not mine,

- throws up in the car.
- Oh, no!

My man Mike says, "And
that's $50 for a cleanup fee."

They get to the school,
everybody's coming out of the prom.

They get out, the girls haven't
danced, they haven't done anything,

and they're on their way here
now... And these girls are warm.

How's everything going?

Would you guys like to stay? We
could have our own prom right here.

Theo, I sat at the
hairdresser for four hours.

And my parents spent a
lot of money on this dress.

We're going to Enrico's.

But we don't have any
money. We know that.

My father gave me some.

My father gave me some, too.

Oh, could you all just
hold one second, all right?

Come here, hometown.
Let me talk to you outside.

Please, just wait one second.

Mike told me what happened.
You know, I'm makin' out on my date

better than you.

Dad, this might go down
as the worst prom in history.

Yeah, well, okay. Let
me fix this for you here.

Now, look. Here's
the keys to the car.

I want you to take the car,

take the young ladies
wherever they want to go.

In the meantime, what I
want you to do is take this.

And, wherever...

If you can talk your way into
taking them for something to eat,

I mean, that's up to
whatever they want to do.

Thanks, Dad. Thanks,
Dad! All right, Homes.

Work hard, now.

Fellas, fellas, we've
got a new life here.

Got the keys to the good car,

got a pocket full of
money... Let's go!

Please!

I have a lot of
things inside of me

that I want to say to you.

But I cannot say
them in this house.

Thank you and good
night, Dr. and Mrs. Huxtable.

I been here before.

Pardon me, but we still have a
prom that we are taking care of.

♪ Your troubles I'll share ♪

♪ Let me know
and I'll be there ♪

♪ I'll take care ♪

♪ Of you ♪

♪ Anyplace and anywhere ♪

♪ Shake a hand, shake a hand ♪

♪ Shake a hand, shake a hand ♪

♪ Shake a hand, shake a hand ♪

♪ Shake a hand if you can ♪

♪ Be truthful to me ♪

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The Cosby Show was taped
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