The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 21 - Home for the Weekend - full transcript

♪♪

♪♪

Hello?

No, Denise isn't here yet.
Her plane gets in at 6:30.

Would you like to
leave a message?

Okay.

I will tell my daughter that
the Big K called, yes sir.

Do you spell that
"K-A-Y," or just "K"?

All right.

Yes. Denise's mother, the Big M,
will tell her daughter, the Little D,

that you called, Mr. K.



Yeah... Oh. Ciao, babe
to you too. Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Oh, Cliff. Yes. Yes.

Tulips. Denise's
favorite flowers.

Well, listen. My daughter coming
home to spend a little time with us...

I bought her some flowers. My
college daughter. Hey, hey, hey.

That's very sweet of you.

Yes. And, guess what else?

Check it out.

Up in the attic,
her old teddy bear.

Remember? I found it,

and decided to have it
professionally cleaned and groomed.

She is going to love this,

and I think I'm going to
qualify for Parent of the Year.



You are going to have
to get past me, Dr. Dad.

I am not going to be outdone.

For Homecoming
dinner, Denise is having

spaghetti with meatballs with
beans and franks on the side,

three different
kinds of garlic bread,

thank you,

pizza appetizers,
and for dessert,

sushi and French fries.

- I see.
- Now, there.

I am ready for the Mother
of the Century award.

Yes, you are. May I
have a little taste of it?

Well, no, sweetheart, because
you see, this is for Denise.

And this is for you.

Aw, no sign of Denise yet?

No. Oh.

Taxi must have
gotten caught in traffic.

Well, I sure wish she would
hurry, because I want to eat,

and then I'm gonna take her down
to Blue Note to see Clark Terry.

I thought we should go skating in
Rockefeller Center. She likes that.

Are you kidding? We can
do that, and then we can catch

the midnight show
at the Blue Note.

Cliff, if we do all that, we won't be
home before 2:00 in the morning.

Hey, if you're gonna
be Parent of the Century,

then you better learn
how to hang out, "par-tay!"

- Up!
- All right! Denise is home!

All right! ♪♪

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- We're friends of Denise.

Oh, yes. You went to
high school together.

- That's right.
- Oh, come in. Have a seat.

Thanks. Denise told us
to meet her here at 6:30.

Really? Well, as soon
as Denise gets here,

the family was gonna
sit down and have dinner.

Well, don't worry about
us. We've already eaten.

Ah-ha.

Close the door, Cliff. Oh.

You know, I remember
you guys from high school.

I was a sophomore
when you were seniors.

- Yeah!
- I look a lot different now, don't I?

Not really.

Come on, Dad. Open the door.

Who are you?

Oh. Denise!

I flew over to Holland
and picked these for you.

Oh, they're so beautifu...

- And me, bargain, bargain...
- Guys, hold it!

It's going to take us forever to
catch up, while Denise is home.

I heard that.

I heard that Claire and Grace are
gonna be at the Seashell Gardens tonight.

Let's go meet them later.

I haven't been there
since high school.

Seashell Gardens. God, I've
been dreaming about that place.

- Let's go now.
- Oh, Denise, wait.

I made a big dinner
for us to have here.

Spaghetti, meatballs,
beans and franks.

Oh, you did. I didn't know, Mom.

Okay. You guys are
gonna have to count me out.

I know. It would have
been so much fun.

Denise, I could always save
you some spaghetti sauce, honey.

Why don't you go with your friends, have
a good time... if it's all right with you?

Yeah, it's, uh,
more sauce for me.

Well, not for me, I'm... I'm
having a big salad myself.

But anyway, look.

Tomorrow night is
family night, all right?

You're gonna spend time with us.

Absolutely. Yeah.

Let's go pig out! Great.

Hey, how'd everybody
do in their midterms?

No, Denise is not up yet.

All right, Rick.
You are number 18.

All right? Here you
go, and you're number...

Fine. Thank you very much,
Rick. Take care of yourself.

Oh, man.

What?

This is Denise's
answering service.

Okay? I'm her father, okay?

So don't wait for the beep.

Now, you got
something to say? Huh?

All right, hit it!

Oh, Steve! Steve. My man Steve.

Well, Steve, goodness gracious.

Let's see, Steve, you were
the fourth person to call.

Then you were the
fifth person to call.

Then you were the
11th person to call.

Then you were the 14th
person to call, Steve.

And now, you are
number 19, Steve!

But I like you a lot,
Steve. You know why?

Because you are polite, man.
You say, "Yes, sir, no, sir"...

And you seem to be
smiling on the phone.

Huh? You're
calling from Florida?

All these times
you've called from...

Were you in Florida every time?

Really? What school are
you in? Medical school?

Ohh! Podiatrist?

Ooh. Then just stay
right there, Steve.

I'm goin' up and wake
her up for you, all right?

Hmm? All right, now.

If I hurt myself, you take
care of my feet for free?

Bless you, Steve. I'm going now.

Oh, my man Steve. Say.

Denise? Denise.

"Denise-y"!

Denise-y!

I don't want to get up now, Sam.

Sam? Who is Sam?

Oh, come on.

No, this is not Hillman.

Oh.

It is 3:00 in the afternoon.

- It is?
- Yes.

Will you wake me
up at 3:30, please?

No, because a nice young
fellow's on the phone,

called all the way from Florida.

Oh, well... It's
not Steve, is it?

The one and only.

- Daddy, tell him I'm not here.
- No! I told him you were.

Come on, Dad. Say
anything. Just get rid of him.

No, this is my friend Steve!

Dad, you don't understand
what Steven is like.

No woman at Hillman
is safe with him.

The guy's a motor mouth.

Motor mouth?

Yeah. If he goes out with
you, no matter what happens,

he tells everyone he scored.

Oh, well, then, my man Steve
has moved from number 19 to zero.

Thanks, Dad.

Hi, honey. Whoo!

Come on, aah! Get up! Yeah!

We been waitin' for you all day.

You have? Yes!
We're going shopping.

I'm going to this party
tonight, and I need a new dress,

and I want you to
help me pick it out.

Ooh, sounds like fun. Yeah.

Give me a few
minutes to get ready.

Oh, shoot! I can't go. My
friends made plans for me.

What plans? Well,
they rented out

this pizza parlor in the Village...
Little "Welcome Home" party for me.

- They even hired a band.
- Ooh, outrageous.

Yeah. So honey,

go with your
friends, and have fun.

- We can pick out a dress by ourselves.
- Yeah.

- Are you sure?
- Sure, it's no problem.

Okay. Vanessa, I promise I'll be back
in time to help you get ready, okay?

Okay, I'd love that. Okay.

Okay. Have fun.

See you later, sweetie. You too.

Bye. Bye.

Hey, man. Steve is taken care of. I
just moved his motor mouth to neutral.

- Thank you, Dad.
- Yeah. All right.

Now, who is Sam?

Sam?

When I woke you up over
there, you said, "Oh, Sam."

And I want to know why
Sam is able to get in the bed

and wake you up.

I don't know, Dad.
Sam's just a friend.

Yeah, well, how
friendly a friend?

Dad. "Sam" is short
for "Samantha," okay?

She's just a girl in my dorm.

Well, I want to see
a picture of Sam.

Hello?

No, I don't know
where Denise is.

No, I'm not going
to check for you.

And I'm not taking any messages.

I don't know where she is... Oh,
wait a minute, Larry. She's just...

No! Ew, ew. I'm not here.

No, she's...

I just... You know, some of
my children look so much alike

that I thought that
was Denise, you know?

But it really isn't Denise.

So, you want to...
Okay, I'll take a message.

I don't know when
she'll be back.

- Never. Never.
- She's not coming back anymore.

I've just remembered. She's,
uh... Well, no. You know what?

I think she may have gone
off to get married in Iceland.

A fellow came by...

Well, if she comes...
Okay. Where are you?

You're with David, and you
guys are at the Melrose...

He's with David!
Restaurant, all right.

- Give me the phone.
- She just got divorced, Larry.

Hi, Larry. Sometimes my
Dad is just such a kidder.

I mean... Okay. Look, I
can't make dinner tonight.

No, I'm gonna spend
the day with my family.

Yeah.

Um, how about brunch tomorrow?

Okay. Tell David I said hi.

Tomorrow at 11:00.
Okay, bye-bye.

I cannot believe that you're going
to give up an evening with David

to spend an evening with Daddy.

Uh-huh. I told all my friends that I
haven't spent any time with my family.

Yes, yes. Good, good.

So they're all gonna
come over here tonight.

Well, that's all right with
me. That's all right with me.

And we're going to watch videos.
You and Mom can join us if you want.

Hey, man. I'll take anything.

Yeah? Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

What if one of the
movies is a cowboy movie?

Could it be Six Guns to
Glory, starring Colt Kirby?

Definitely.

Whoo-ee!

I tell you what: you make
out a list of the videos

you and your friends want
to watch, and I'll go get 'em.

- Okay. I'll do it right now.
- All right!

Goin' to Six Guns
to Glory. Colt Kirby.

You know, it's nice
to have you home.

Yeah. Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo!

Colt Kirby said,
"Throw down that box.

I said, "Throw down..."

Hello, Daddy.

What's the matter?

You're not going to
the party in that dress.

- Why not?
- Because it's not a whole dress.

Sure it is, Dad. This
is the way I bought it.

You did not buy
that dress that way.

You took that dress, and then
went upstairs, did some tailoring to it.

Dad, I didn't. You can ask Mom.

Ask Mom? Your mother wouldn't
even let you try on a dress like that,

let alone buy one.

Dad, I'm telling
you. Just ask her.

I'm gonna catch you
in the lie now, sporty.

Claire? Yes?

Come on down here, dear. Okay!

Dad, you're not gonna stop
me from wearing this, are you?

I'm not gonna say a thing.
When your mother sees it... pfft!

That's it.

Yes? There it is, right there.

Oh, she's beautiful, isn't she?

Denise helped her with her hair.

I'm not talking about her hair.
I'm talking about the dress, dear.

Yeah! Isn't it
fabulous? No, no, no.

Soon as we saw that
dress in the store, I knew

it was perfect for this party.

Dear, the dress
doesn't have any straps.

So?

Okay. Obviously, some people
around here have lost their minds.

You see, there's
nothin' around here.

Now, this child will start
to do one of these dances,

and this dress is not
going to... to hold her.

Dad!

No, I'm very, very serious.
You start bobbin' up and down,

and I don't think that this
dress will contain her abilities.

Oh, Cliff, please! Dad!

No, I'm serious.

Dad, this dress was designed
for dancing. I'll be fine.

- Prove it!
- How?

Jump up and down!

No, I'm serious. Oh, come on.

Jump up and down.
Cliff, stop it now.

No, I'm serious. Jump up
and down. Come on, here.

Cliff. Please.

Jump up and down.

- Jump up and down, Vanessa.
- That's right.

Okay. How high? This high.

Just jump up and down
like this. I'll be satisfied.

Okay, now, you know,
do a... Come on, come on.

Come on. No, no, no. You
know how you all dance.

You all... Like they
do on TV. Come on!

Now wait, just wait one second.
Now bend over and touch your toes.

Now that is enough. Vanessa,
get your shawl. Come on.

Thank you, Mom. Well,
do me one favor now.

You stay there

until she's had at least
three of those thing dances.

I will.

Right. If anything,
uh, falls out,

you put it back in there
and bring her right home.

I will.

- Hi, everybody.
- Hi, Thee.

I would like you to
meet my friend Gwyn.

- Hi.
- Hi.

She's just droppin' me off, but I told her
she had to come in and meet my big sis.

Is my little brother
behaving himself?

Of course. Theo's a gentleman.

Well, I gotta get going. Theo,
I'll see you tomorrow night.

You got it.

See you later, Gwyn.

So, Theo, you didn't give
Gwyn your cold, did you?

No, I didn't, Denise.

Well, little brother, you must
have some wicked moves

to have a good-looking girl
like that driving you around.

Who pays for the gas?

Oh, with a girl like Gwyn,
you don't run out of gas.

Denise, can I see you in
the kitchen for a second?

Well, sure. Now.

I'm coming.

What's the matter?
Denise, I'm hurt.

What? What you
said out there to me

was insulting and demeaning.

What are you talking about?
I was just joking, you know?

Little teasing from your sis.

Yeah, but I don't like it.

Well, what do you expect?
I come home from college

and my brother walks
in with this love goddess.

Love goddess?

Come on, she's gorgeous.

Denise, I'll have you know I am not
going out with Gwyn because of her looks.

Oh, you're not? No.

I'm attracted to
her inner beauty.

She happens to be an
outstanding human being,

and very intelligent.

You know, she's gonna
major in physics at Duke.

Well, I'm impressed, but

physics aside, Theo, you've
got to admit, she is good-looking.

So what? I mean, can't I
be involved in a relationship

that's based on mutual
respect and emotional maturity?

You see, that's what
I have with Gwyn.

We care for each
other as people.

I'm sorry. Okay? I'm
sorry if I hurt your feelings.

I guess I was just talking to you like
you were the old Theo I used to know.

Well, maybe I've changed
since you've been gone.

I guess you have.

But come on. Tell me the truth.
There's gotta be an ounce of you

that's just slightly
physically attracted to her.

Well, a little bit. But I try not to
let that part mess with my mind.

Good. I'd like to meet
someone with that attitude.

Well, I wish you luck, 'cause
there's not that many of us around.

I know.

♪♪

All right, you.
Throw down that box.

Ha-ha! Did you hear that?

I said, throw down that box.

Just let me stop it
one second, see?

"Throw down that box," see?

This was the first western
that they ever said that line,

"Throw down that box."

Now, Stubbles Magee,

he was the first cowboy
to do what would be called

intellectual
pictures, and he did

a line which was, "Throw
down that trunk, if you will."

See? Now, his movies were
really, like, intellectual things.

But "throw down the
box" was some mean stuff.

Dad, why don't we save
the best for last, huh?

Okay, well, what do
you want to watch now?

Oh, let's watch Brains
on the Table. Yeah!

Brains on... I don't
understand Brains on the Table.

Davie Herbeck is a scream. This is
the funniest concert film I've ever seen.

He's very hip.

Davie Herbeck. Mm-hmm.

Mom! Come on, we're
gonna watch the first video.

Fine. I'm coming.
What are we watching?

Brains on the Table.

What's that? That's
Davie Herbeck, dear.

He's a scream.
Ladies and gentlemen,

And you're gonna be hip
when you finish watching this.

With his Brains on the Table,

it's the mechanical maniac
himself, Dangerous Davie Herbeck!

Thank you. Thank you, androids.

Oh, I'm losing my mind!

Hey, engineers. See
what I have up here?

It's my little toy train set.

Who wants to hear
it go choo-choo?

I hate trains. You know,
it's destroying my brain cells!

Okay, Mr. Train.

I'd like you to say hello to a
good friend, Mr. Sledgehammer.

I'm losing my mind.
I'm losing my mind.

I'm losing my
mind, and I love it!

Yeah! Kill him!

Ha-ha! Hey, Dad,
we were watching that.

He is going back
to the video store.

- But Dad... "I'm losing my mind!"
- Get out of here.

That's just the reason why I'm
taking him back to the video store.

Don't you all have
something else better to do?

We're waiting for
Denise to come home.

Yeah, we've hardly
seen her all weekend.

Well, no one has, really.

And she better be
back here shortly 'cause

her ride is coming in
another five minutes.

Hi, everybody, I'm
late. I still have to pack!

Hi.

Sweetheart, did Denise
just come through here?

I don't know what it was, dear.

The door opened and then it
closed, and something was mumbling,

and there was some
hair flyin' this way.

That's a shame. It's
almost time for her to leave.

We didn't have a chance to sit
down and talk with her or anything.

Phew. Hey, what's
wrong with Denise?

She almost knocked
me down in the hallway.

Her ride is coming in a
minute. She's in a hurry.

She was hardly at home.

I think that since she didn't have
enough time to really visit with us,

that we should not have enough
time to say good-bye to her.

- Yeah!
- That's a good idea, Dad.

Look busy, everybody. Now when Denise
comes down, no matter what she does,

don't anybody pay
her any attention.

I'm gonna meet Jamie
outside, to save some time.

Anyone want to
wait outside with me?

Hello. I'm leaving.

Bye.

"Bye"? Is that all you have to say?
Come on, Rudy. Give me a hug.

Too busy.

Vanessa? Not now, Denise.

I have a good hand.

Theo? Come on.

Denise, I'll catch
you next time around.

Mom, what's going on here?

Honey, please. I'm trying
to balance my checkbook.

Hey, Mom, I'm
going away to college.

So have a nice trip.

Where's Dad?

He's in the kitchen. Dad!

Denise is leaving!

See you later, homey!

Mom, I'm your
daughter. Remember?

Come on, you
guys. I'm your sister.

I grew up in this house
with you for 18 years.

I go away to college,
months at a time.

How can you treat me like this?

Honey, please. Keep it down.

Oh, I know what's going on here.

You guys are pulling a
little trick on me, right?

Yeah?

Please, this has
got to be a trick.

Okay. Bye, family.

Come on, please.
Someone say good-bye.

Okay. I just want
to say one thing.

It's not my fault that I have
a lot of friends, you know?

When I come home,
they expect to see me too.

They miss me too.

Come on, you guys.
Someone say something.

Hey, Denise! When'd
you get home?

Ha-ha-ha.

Good-bye!

Good-bye. Good-bye, Denise.

Did you think you
were losing your mind?

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The Cosby Show was taped
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