The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 10 - Dance Mania - full transcript
As a present, Clair gives Theo tickets for him and Cockroach to appear on the TV show "Dance Mania." However, when the boys get to the studio, they are told there is only one spot available (due to strict fire codes). Theo, in a joking kind of way, tells Cockroach to go in and enjoy the show ... which is exactly what Cockroach does. Cockroach has a great time, and even gets to dance for a little while with the show's star dancer. Theo is very upset and eventually takes out his frustrations at home, especially when Vanessa and Rudy try to get him to watch the episode where he was supposed to have been on. Eventually, Clair steps in and helps Theo realize that the outcome of the "no, you go in" game had no guaranteed outcome. She then tells him to be happy for Cockroach. Theo realizes his mother is right and, after rejoining the family to apologize, watches the show.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Okay... 58 inches.
All right, 58.
And that completes all
the measurements I need...
for the bookshelves.
Do you want me to
add the numbers?
No, I can do it myself.
Thank you. Okay.
12 plus 1 is 13, plus 8 is 21.
Put that on the one.
Carry the two.
Carry the two? And, uh... Yeah.
I can't believe
you carried the two.
So what's wrong with that?
Dad, that's old math.
- There's a much better way to do this.
- And what is that?
The base method.
It's like new math.
- Base method?
- You see, every foot is 12 inches.
You're kidding.
- Dad, I haven't made my point yet.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Now, since every
foot is 12 inches,
we'll use a base-12. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. That means
12 will represent 1 unit.
So the numbers you add
won't actually be numbers,
but parts of a unit.
It's much quicker.
Well, thank you very much,
but I only have five numbers,
and I'll just use
the old method.
Yeah, but, Dad, you really
should learn the new math.
When our teacher was
giving us homework on it,
Janet Meiser's father went
to night school to learn it.
Janet Meiser's father is a wimp.
And, just let me tell you,
anytime you want to challenge
the old versus the new,
just let me know, all right?
Do I hear a challenge?
You can hear whatever
you want to hear,
my dear.
You promise not to yell
when I add my numbers faster?
I will not have to yell,
because I'll be finished.
Okay.
Let's add the following numbers:
42... No, no!
No, I'll give the numbers, okay?
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
17, uh, 29, 43, 7,
uh, 66, 82... Go!
There's five. You just
carry... carry... carry...
Go down to four,
carry the thing.
And... 244.
Yeah, that's what...
I was just checking.
No, I did!
Ahh! I did! No, no!
I got it way before you. I
was just doing the check.
Now do you see
how slow your way is?
You wanna check ways?
Wait till they read my will.
And then you base
method zero times zero...
carry the zero.
- Hi. Theo.
- Hey, Mom.
Theo, today I discovered
something very interesting.
My hairdresser, Antoine,
also does the hair
for the producer of Dance Mania.
- Dance Mania?
- Mm-hmm.
Really? That's my favorite show.
The kids that dance on
that show are the best.
Yeah, he said it
was pretty popular.
It is.
One time Cockroach and
I went down to get tickets,
and they had a
2-year waiting list.
Oh, my goodness,
that's terrible.
Yeah. Oh, that reminds me.
As I was leaving,
he did give me these.
Do you know anybody
who'd be interested...
A-ha!
Mom, Mom, Ma, Mom...
Mom, are these two
tickets to Dance Mania?
Uh-huh.
Mom, these are two
tickets to Dance Mania!
Mom? Yeah.
If for any reason you
and Dad go broke,
you can come to me for anything.
Thank you, Theo.
Cockroach is gonna
be over here any minute.
He's gonna go nuts
when he sees these tickets!
Oh, listen, I'm gonna leave
before he can thank me.
Dance Mania! Uh!
Ow!
What's up, Cockroach? Yo!
Cockroach, look at me.
What do you see?
I see Theo.
Look again. What do you
see as your best friend?
Here. What are these?
Nothing but two tickets
to, uh, Dance Mania.
The television
show? That's right.
You and I are gonna be
dancers on Dance Mania.
They tape the
show this Saturday.
Theo, you could have
asked anyone. Why me?
Cockroach, like I said,
you're my best friend.
I'm... I'm touched. Really.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's all right. It's all right.
It's all right. It's all right.
Theo, we've got to make
the most of this opportunity.
Cockroach, this is our
chance to become immortal.
True. And, after we do this,
we can walk up to any
girl on the street and say,
"Excuse me. Hi. Do
you know who we are?
We're the guys
from Dance Mania."
No, no.
We won't even have
to say it. They'll know it.
We'll walk down the street.
They'll look at us and
point at us and say,
"It's them!"
And you'll go... You'll go,
"Yeah, you're right."
Cockroach,
we are gonna be the best
dancers in the history of that show.
We've gotta practice our moves.
Theo, do you think there's a
chance we might get to dance with...
Tina!
Oh! Ooh!
Tina Hunter? Ooh.
We're gonna be dancing
in the same room with her.
And breathing the same air. Oh!
Tina! Tina! Tina!
555-4397.
It's ringing.
Hello, may I speak
to, uh, Diane Langley?
Hi! Uh, this is Theo Huxtable.
I'm in your homeroom.
Yeah. Listen, Diane,
do you own a VCR?
Good. Well, plug
it in Monday night,
because my best friend Cockroach
and I are gonna be on Dance Mania.
Dance Mania!
I'd say she's impressed.
All right, Diane. Yeah.
Oh, and Diane, please be
sure to tell all your girlfriends.
Oh, she is?
- Cynthia Morris is over there.
- Really? Let me talk to her.
Uh, Diane, uh, Cockroach
wants to say hi to Cynthia.
Cynthia.
Hi. Look, uh,
you and I don't know
each other very well,
but all that could be changed.
Yes.
I guess you heard that Theo and
I are gonna be on Dance Mania.
Well, I'm offering you a chance
to get in on the ground floor.
How would you like to date
me before I become famous?
She got so excited, she
pulled the phone out of the wall.
When are you two going
to practice your dancing?
Well, we could practice now and
finish the phone calls after dinner.
Good idea. Okay.
I'm gonna practice, too.
No, Rudy. You see?
This is not play
time. This is serious.
But you have to have
a girl for your partner.
We don't need partners.
You see, no matter what
girls they team us up with,
we're gonna do our own thing.
See, when they
aim the camera at us,
we're gonna move together
and then break into our routine.
See, we'll show you.
♪♪ Okay.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Come on, Rudy. Come on.
Come on, Rudy.
7 and...
- Hi!
- Hey!
I was just talking with
Vanessa upstairs in the kitchen.
She says everything's
going very well down here.
Yes, indeed.
What are you reading?
Vanessa used the new math
to get these measurements,
and I'm trying to figure
out how she did it.
Let me see.
Oh, she used base-12.
- You know about this?
- Mm-hmm.
I learned about that
when Denise was taking it.
Well, how come nobody
told me about this?
Oh, well, honey, you
know how some people are.
You know,
you try to teach
them something new,
they get an incorrect answer,
they start making up stuff like,
"Well, I was getting
ready to do that,"
or "If you were any good as a
teacher, I would have gotten it by now."
You know, pitiful
excuses like that.
I don't know anyone like that.
Here's you juice, Dad.
Thank you, dear.
So, Vanessa, how would you
like to teach your father new math?
You want me to
teach Dad something?
What is the matter
with you people?
I mean, I'll do it, Dad,
if... if Mom stays
down here with me.
Oh, no. I'm... I'm outta this.
Can I at least have Rudy?
If he gives you any trouble, just
send him upstairs to the principal.
Okay.
- Class, let's begin.
- Okay.
Dad, since I'm gonna
be your teacher,
it would really help me get into
it if you call me Miss Huxtable.
♪♪
Whoa, check it out.
Food, drinks and
tremendous-looking women.
Cockroach, I think I found
out what heaven looks like.
Be cool. Be cool. Come
on, we gotta stay cool.
Okay, okay.
Hi, there. Uh, nice outfit.
Man, this is what
life's all about.
You know it.
Hold it! Hold it!
Don't eat any food. We
have to stay light on our feet.
Hey, good thinking.
I'll have a diet soda.
Okay, everyone. Line up.
I have to choose dancers
for our second batch.
Come on, let's go.
Look, when we get
inside, try to move toward
the front of the dance line.
That way we'll be seen
at the top of the show.
Okay. You got it. I'll be there.
Cockroach, she's here.
Who? Tina.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I'm gonna step through.
She spoke to me.
All right.
Let's see, uh, you, you and you.
Okay. I'm sorry,
ladies and gentlemen,
that's all we have for today.
Thanks for coming down.
What? He can't do that!
- Wait! Excuse us.
- We have to get in.
I'm sorry, we've
reached our limit.
Yeah, but we have tickets.
So do the rest of these people.
Look, we have to limit
the number of people
in the studio
because of fire laws.
We're not gonna start any fires!
We don't even smoke.
I don't make the rules.
We have connections.
His mom's hairdresser
knows the producer.
I'm just doing my job.
You gotta use us.
Look at these outfits.
Yeah, and we have moves.
- Theo, show him. Ready?
- Okay. Come on.
Excuse me.
Yes.
Uh-huh. Right.
I have good news.
All right!
I have room for one more dancer.
One? No way, man. We're a team.
We gotta go in there together.
I'm sorry, man. I'm making
a concession the way it is.
Only one. Who's it going to be?
Cockroach, you go.
No, man. I think you should go.
- No, Cockroach. Go ahead.
- Man, you got the tickets.
Hey, look, guys. Come
on, I gotta get back inside.
I need a decision.
Cockroach, go
ahead. Okay, see you.
♪♪
♪ Dance Mania ♪
♪ Dance Mania ♪
From New York...
the Big Apple... ♪ Dance Mania ♪
Fun City... it's Dance Mania!
♪♪
Hey, Theo! Cockroach!
Hey, the new TV stars!
You know, everybody's gonna
be watching Dance Mania tonight.
Yeah, I invited all of my
girlfriends over to watch it.
Uh, can we come over, too?
Sure, I guess so.
All right! All right!
Party at Darlene's!
Can both of you come?
Yeah, we'll be there. All right!
So, tell me, what was it like?
Were you nervous on the show?
Well, I didn't get on.
Oh, no! That's terrible!
Tragic.
Cockroach did. He did?
Yeah. You'll be on for sure?
Definitely. All right!
Hey, hey, hey!
Did you see Tina?
See her? I danced with her.
You danced... Unbelievable!
Your reputation is set for life.
Cockroach, I would pay a million
dollars to be you for one day.
Listen, listen, listen.
I have one thing to say.
The reason I got on the show
is because of my man Theo.
I mean, this is a great guy.
They only had room
for one more dancer,
and he insisted that
I go into the studio.
That's nice.
All right, tell us...
What was Tina like?
And don't leave anything out.
Well, she's really sweet.
She has a great personality.
And she's not stuck up at all.
All right. All right.
Hey, who knows, one day
you might end up marrying Tina.
Well, she did mention that she
would like to have children someday,
and she was looking right
at me when she said it.
Time's up.
- Okay, just let me finish this last one.
- Uh-uh, Dad.
The official timekeeper
said, "Time's up."
Stupid rule.
Now, let's see how you did.
Gee, Dad, you
didn't even finish it.
Because your watch is fast.
Dad, you only got
seven correct out of ten.
That's a C-minus.
It's passing.
But it's below average.
Are you satisfied with
being below average?
Yes.
I think you should
take this test again.
And we won't time you.
Now, the new math is
very tricky. It takes patience.
But I know you can do it.
You're really a
very smart person.
I agree.
♪♪
All right, you.
Throw down that box.
♪♪
I said, throw down that box.
Maybe this'll convince ya.
Thought so. Slim, open 'er up.
Theo! What?
It's almost 7:00.
Change the channel.
I'm watching a movie.
Dance Mania is coming on.
Change it. Rudy! Rudy!
Look what you did. You
turned the television off.
You two can't come in here
and tell me to change the channel.
I was here first, and
I'm watching this movie.
We wanna see Cockroach dance!
There's a TV up in
Mom and Dad's room.
We wanna watch it down here.
Vanessa, I'm not moving.
You know what your problem is?
You two are the most immature,
inconsiderate people I've ever known.
All you ever do is
think about me, me, me.
You two are disgusting.
I thought you'd want to see
Cockroach on Dance Mania.
I saw it on the monitor
when they taped it.
Vanessa, it's a silly show.
But, if you want to waste
your time watching it,
be my guest.
Well, I will.
And, Vanessa, you
know something?
You're a jerk.
You're a bigger jerk.
Rudy, how many
times have I told you
not to leave toys laying
around the house?
This is very dangerous.
Toys on the floor is
the number one cause
of household
injuries in America.
Who told you that?
It's a fact, Vanessa, okay?
Okay. It's no fact, jerk.
Fine, Rudy. Go ahead.
It's not enough you try
to kill me with this toy,
but you call me names, too.
You should watch
where you're going.
Oh, yeah?
You should watch
where this is going.
Theo!
There, you happy?
Mom!
You see, now you're
gonna get it, you maniac.
Maniac?
How would you like to get
thrown out on the street, too?
Ma! Theo's trying to kill us!
What is going on out here?
Theo threw my phone in
the street, and it got ran over.
And now he's threatening us.
Mom, I'm sitting here
trying to watch television,
and they come down
and start harassing me.
Hey, hey, I'm trying
to take a math test.
Theo, go outside and
get your sister's phone.
I don't want any
more trouble in here.
Come on, Rudy.
Dance Mania is starting.
Oh! Yay!
Yeah. Oh!
Dance Mania. All right!
I spoke to Walter's mother
this morning. She is very excited.
♪♪ Yes, indeed. Dance Mania!
Tina! My woman!
Look, there' s Cockroach.
He's dancing with
Tina, that lucky dog.
How am I supposed to watch
this if everybody's talking.
- Shh!
- Don't tell me to shh!
I'll talk when I wanna talk.
Theo, stop it, now.
Dad, I'm supposed to be
down here watching a movie.
Then you let Rudy and Vanessa just
come down here and have their way.
They always have
their way around here.
I never have my way!
Dad, I almost break my neck
on Rudy's phone.
And now I'm the
one suffering for it.
Go close the door.
Fine. You know, I'll
just go in the kitchen...
because I don't need to look at
some idiot box to
have a good time.
All right, Cockroach! Good move!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Theo, I get the feeling that
something's troubling you.
And I'd like to help you out,
but you're gonna
have to help me first.
Now, who or what is
it that has upset you?
Is it me?
No. Is it your dad?
No. Your sister's toy phone?
No. The people at Dance Mania?
No.
Is it Cockroach? No!
Mom, can't I be upset without
knowing what I'm upset about?
Well, is it possible that
you're upset because
Cockroach is in
there on TV with Tina,
and you're in here
with a bag of pretzels?
That might have
something to do with it.
Honey, how is it that he got
on the show and you didn't?
We're both in line
to get into the studio.
The stage manager comes
out. He says, "I'm sorry.
We only have room
for one more person."
So I said, "Cockroach,
you go ahead."
Cockroach said, "No, Theo.
You got the tickets, so you go."
So why didn't you go?
Because that wasn't supposed
to be the end of our conversation.
I was gonna say, "Cockroach, I
know I got the tickets, but you go."
Then Cockroach was
supposed to say, "No, Theo.
I insist. You go."
Then I was gonna say, "Okay."
But Cockroach said
okay before I could,
and before I know it,
Cockroach is on
television dancing with Tina.
I see. So then what you wanted
was for you to be inside with Tina
and for Cockroach to
be outside watching.
Right!
And that's the way
it would have been,
if Cockroach wasn't so selfish.
So then the person that
you're upset with is Cockroach.
Yeah.
Well, then why are
you taking it out on us?
'Cause Cockroach
doesn't live here.
Well, in my opinion, you
don't have any reason
to be upset with
Cockroach, either.
Mom, he aced me out of
an opportunity of a lifetime.
No, my love, you aced
yourself out of that opportunity.
You were the one who
took the gamble that
on the third time around
Cockroach was gonna say,
"No, man. You
go on in. I insist."
And that did not
happen. You lost.
You see, you should have
been honest with Cockroach.
You should have said,
"Yo, bro. Out of my way.
My woman Tina is in there
waiting for me, her destiny."
Then there wouldn't have
been any gamble at all.
Well, I don't know if I would
have felt right saying that.
Honey, that's the way you felt.
And now you're angry
because you didn't say that.
So, if you want to be
angry, Theo, that's fine,
but be angry with
yourself, okay?
Don't take it out on
us, because, if you do,
we gonna get angry back.
Fine, I'll be cool.
Thank you.
And, Son, the next time you
give somebody something,
make sure you're doing
it because you want to.
Don't expect anything in return.
Mom?
Yes.
"Yo, bro?"
♪♪
♪♪
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc Burbank, CA
The Cosby Show was taped
before a studio audience.
♪♪
♪♪
Okay... 58 inches.
All right, 58.
And that completes all
the measurements I need...
for the bookshelves.
Do you want me to
add the numbers?
No, I can do it myself.
Thank you. Okay.
12 plus 1 is 13, plus 8 is 21.
Put that on the one.
Carry the two.
Carry the two? And, uh... Yeah.
I can't believe
you carried the two.
So what's wrong with that?
Dad, that's old math.
- There's a much better way to do this.
- And what is that?
The base method.
It's like new math.
- Base method?
- You see, every foot is 12 inches.
You're kidding.
- Dad, I haven't made my point yet.
- Okay, I'm sorry.
Now, since every
foot is 12 inches,
we'll use a base-12. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. That means
12 will represent 1 unit.
So the numbers you add
won't actually be numbers,
but parts of a unit.
It's much quicker.
Well, thank you very much,
but I only have five numbers,
and I'll just use
the old method.
Yeah, but, Dad, you really
should learn the new math.
When our teacher was
giving us homework on it,
Janet Meiser's father went
to night school to learn it.
Janet Meiser's father is a wimp.
And, just let me tell you,
anytime you want to challenge
the old versus the new,
just let me know, all right?
Do I hear a challenge?
You can hear whatever
you want to hear,
my dear.
You promise not to yell
when I add my numbers faster?
I will not have to yell,
because I'll be finished.
Okay.
Let's add the following numbers:
42... No, no!
No, I'll give the numbers, okay?
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
17, uh, 29, 43, 7,
uh, 66, 82... Go!
There's five. You just
carry... carry... carry...
Go down to four,
carry the thing.
And... 244.
Yeah, that's what...
I was just checking.
No, I did!
Ahh! I did! No, no!
I got it way before you. I
was just doing the check.
Now do you see
how slow your way is?
You wanna check ways?
Wait till they read my will.
And then you base
method zero times zero...
carry the zero.
- Hi. Theo.
- Hey, Mom.
Theo, today I discovered
something very interesting.
My hairdresser, Antoine,
also does the hair
for the producer of Dance Mania.
- Dance Mania?
- Mm-hmm.
Really? That's my favorite show.
The kids that dance on
that show are the best.
Yeah, he said it
was pretty popular.
It is.
One time Cockroach and
I went down to get tickets,
and they had a
2-year waiting list.
Oh, my goodness,
that's terrible.
Yeah. Oh, that reminds me.
As I was leaving,
he did give me these.
Do you know anybody
who'd be interested...
A-ha!
Mom, Mom, Ma, Mom...
Mom, are these two
tickets to Dance Mania?
Uh-huh.
Mom, these are two
tickets to Dance Mania!
Mom? Yeah.
If for any reason you
and Dad go broke,
you can come to me for anything.
Thank you, Theo.
Cockroach is gonna
be over here any minute.
He's gonna go nuts
when he sees these tickets!
Oh, listen, I'm gonna leave
before he can thank me.
Dance Mania! Uh!
Ow!
What's up, Cockroach? Yo!
Cockroach, look at me.
What do you see?
I see Theo.
Look again. What do you
see as your best friend?
Here. What are these?
Nothing but two tickets
to, uh, Dance Mania.
The television
show? That's right.
You and I are gonna be
dancers on Dance Mania.
They tape the
show this Saturday.
Theo, you could have
asked anyone. Why me?
Cockroach, like I said,
you're my best friend.
I'm... I'm touched. Really.
Hey, hey, hey!
It's all right. It's all right.
It's all right. It's all right.
Theo, we've got to make
the most of this opportunity.
Cockroach, this is our
chance to become immortal.
True. And, after we do this,
we can walk up to any
girl on the street and say,
"Excuse me. Hi. Do
you know who we are?
We're the guys
from Dance Mania."
No, no.
We won't even have
to say it. They'll know it.
We'll walk down the street.
They'll look at us and
point at us and say,
"It's them!"
And you'll go... You'll go,
"Yeah, you're right."
Cockroach,
we are gonna be the best
dancers in the history of that show.
We've gotta practice our moves.
Theo, do you think there's a
chance we might get to dance with...
Tina!
Oh! Ooh!
Tina Hunter? Ooh.
We're gonna be dancing
in the same room with her.
And breathing the same air. Oh!
Tina! Tina! Tina!
555-4397.
It's ringing.
Hello, may I speak
to, uh, Diane Langley?
Hi! Uh, this is Theo Huxtable.
I'm in your homeroom.
Yeah. Listen, Diane,
do you own a VCR?
Good. Well, plug
it in Monday night,
because my best friend Cockroach
and I are gonna be on Dance Mania.
Dance Mania!
I'd say she's impressed.
All right, Diane. Yeah.
Oh, and Diane, please be
sure to tell all your girlfriends.
Oh, she is?
- Cynthia Morris is over there.
- Really? Let me talk to her.
Uh, Diane, uh, Cockroach
wants to say hi to Cynthia.
Cynthia.
Hi. Look, uh,
you and I don't know
each other very well,
but all that could be changed.
Yes.
I guess you heard that Theo and
I are gonna be on Dance Mania.
Well, I'm offering you a chance
to get in on the ground floor.
How would you like to date
me before I become famous?
She got so excited, she
pulled the phone out of the wall.
When are you two going
to practice your dancing?
Well, we could practice now and
finish the phone calls after dinner.
Good idea. Okay.
I'm gonna practice, too.
No, Rudy. You see?
This is not play
time. This is serious.
But you have to have
a girl for your partner.
We don't need partners.
You see, no matter what
girls they team us up with,
we're gonna do our own thing.
See, when they
aim the camera at us,
we're gonna move together
and then break into our routine.
See, we'll show you.
♪♪ Okay.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Come on, Rudy. Come on.
Come on, Rudy.
7 and...
- Hi!
- Hey!
I was just talking with
Vanessa upstairs in the kitchen.
She says everything's
going very well down here.
Yes, indeed.
What are you reading?
Vanessa used the new math
to get these measurements,
and I'm trying to figure
out how she did it.
Let me see.
Oh, she used base-12.
- You know about this?
- Mm-hmm.
I learned about that
when Denise was taking it.
Well, how come nobody
told me about this?
Oh, well, honey, you
know how some people are.
You know,
you try to teach
them something new,
they get an incorrect answer,
they start making up stuff like,
"Well, I was getting
ready to do that,"
or "If you were any good as a
teacher, I would have gotten it by now."
You know, pitiful
excuses like that.
I don't know anyone like that.
Here's you juice, Dad.
Thank you, dear.
So, Vanessa, how would you
like to teach your father new math?
You want me to
teach Dad something?
What is the matter
with you people?
I mean, I'll do it, Dad,
if... if Mom stays
down here with me.
Oh, no. I'm... I'm outta this.
Can I at least have Rudy?
If he gives you any trouble, just
send him upstairs to the principal.
Okay.
- Class, let's begin.
- Okay.
Dad, since I'm gonna
be your teacher,
it would really help me get into
it if you call me Miss Huxtable.
♪♪
Whoa, check it out.
Food, drinks and
tremendous-looking women.
Cockroach, I think I found
out what heaven looks like.
Be cool. Be cool. Come
on, we gotta stay cool.
Okay, okay.
Hi, there. Uh, nice outfit.
Man, this is what
life's all about.
You know it.
Hold it! Hold it!
Don't eat any food. We
have to stay light on our feet.
Hey, good thinking.
I'll have a diet soda.
Okay, everyone. Line up.
I have to choose dancers
for our second batch.
Come on, let's go.
Look, when we get
inside, try to move toward
the front of the dance line.
That way we'll be seen
at the top of the show.
Okay. You got it. I'll be there.
Cockroach, she's here.
Who? Tina.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
I'm gonna step through.
She spoke to me.
All right.
Let's see, uh, you, you and you.
Okay. I'm sorry,
ladies and gentlemen,
that's all we have for today.
Thanks for coming down.
What? He can't do that!
- Wait! Excuse us.
- We have to get in.
I'm sorry, we've
reached our limit.
Yeah, but we have tickets.
So do the rest of these people.
Look, we have to limit
the number of people
in the studio
because of fire laws.
We're not gonna start any fires!
We don't even smoke.
I don't make the rules.
We have connections.
His mom's hairdresser
knows the producer.
I'm just doing my job.
You gotta use us.
Look at these outfits.
Yeah, and we have moves.
- Theo, show him. Ready?
- Okay. Come on.
Excuse me.
Yes.
Uh-huh. Right.
I have good news.
All right!
I have room for one more dancer.
One? No way, man. We're a team.
We gotta go in there together.
I'm sorry, man. I'm making
a concession the way it is.
Only one. Who's it going to be?
Cockroach, you go.
No, man. I think you should go.
- No, Cockroach. Go ahead.
- Man, you got the tickets.
Hey, look, guys. Come
on, I gotta get back inside.
I need a decision.
Cockroach, go
ahead. Okay, see you.
♪♪
♪ Dance Mania ♪
♪ Dance Mania ♪
From New York...
the Big Apple... ♪ Dance Mania ♪
Fun City... it's Dance Mania!
♪♪
Hey, Theo! Cockroach!
Hey, the new TV stars!
You know, everybody's gonna
be watching Dance Mania tonight.
Yeah, I invited all of my
girlfriends over to watch it.
Uh, can we come over, too?
Sure, I guess so.
All right! All right!
Party at Darlene's!
Can both of you come?
Yeah, we'll be there. All right!
So, tell me, what was it like?
Were you nervous on the show?
Well, I didn't get on.
Oh, no! That's terrible!
Tragic.
Cockroach did. He did?
Yeah. You'll be on for sure?
Definitely. All right!
Hey, hey, hey!
Did you see Tina?
See her? I danced with her.
You danced... Unbelievable!
Your reputation is set for life.
Cockroach, I would pay a million
dollars to be you for one day.
Listen, listen, listen.
I have one thing to say.
The reason I got on the show
is because of my man Theo.
I mean, this is a great guy.
They only had room
for one more dancer,
and he insisted that
I go into the studio.
That's nice.
All right, tell us...
What was Tina like?
And don't leave anything out.
Well, she's really sweet.
She has a great personality.
And she's not stuck up at all.
All right. All right.
Hey, who knows, one day
you might end up marrying Tina.
Well, she did mention that she
would like to have children someday,
and she was looking right
at me when she said it.
Time's up.
- Okay, just let me finish this last one.
- Uh-uh, Dad.
The official timekeeper
said, "Time's up."
Stupid rule.
Now, let's see how you did.
Gee, Dad, you
didn't even finish it.
Because your watch is fast.
Dad, you only got
seven correct out of ten.
That's a C-minus.
It's passing.
But it's below average.
Are you satisfied with
being below average?
Yes.
I think you should
take this test again.
And we won't time you.
Now, the new math is
very tricky. It takes patience.
But I know you can do it.
You're really a
very smart person.
I agree.
♪♪
All right, you.
Throw down that box.
♪♪
I said, throw down that box.
Maybe this'll convince ya.
Thought so. Slim, open 'er up.
Theo! What?
It's almost 7:00.
Change the channel.
I'm watching a movie.
Dance Mania is coming on.
Change it. Rudy! Rudy!
Look what you did. You
turned the television off.
You two can't come in here
and tell me to change the channel.
I was here first, and
I'm watching this movie.
We wanna see Cockroach dance!
There's a TV up in
Mom and Dad's room.
We wanna watch it down here.
Vanessa, I'm not moving.
You know what your problem is?
You two are the most immature,
inconsiderate people I've ever known.
All you ever do is
think about me, me, me.
You two are disgusting.
I thought you'd want to see
Cockroach on Dance Mania.
I saw it on the monitor
when they taped it.
Vanessa, it's a silly show.
But, if you want to waste
your time watching it,
be my guest.
Well, I will.
And, Vanessa, you
know something?
You're a jerk.
You're a bigger jerk.
Rudy, how many
times have I told you
not to leave toys laying
around the house?
This is very dangerous.
Toys on the floor is
the number one cause
of household
injuries in America.
Who told you that?
It's a fact, Vanessa, okay?
Okay. It's no fact, jerk.
Fine, Rudy. Go ahead.
It's not enough you try
to kill me with this toy,
but you call me names, too.
You should watch
where you're going.
Oh, yeah?
You should watch
where this is going.
Theo!
There, you happy?
Mom!
You see, now you're
gonna get it, you maniac.
Maniac?
How would you like to get
thrown out on the street, too?
Ma! Theo's trying to kill us!
What is going on out here?
Theo threw my phone in
the street, and it got ran over.
And now he's threatening us.
Mom, I'm sitting here
trying to watch television,
and they come down
and start harassing me.
Hey, hey, I'm trying
to take a math test.
Theo, go outside and
get your sister's phone.
I don't want any
more trouble in here.
Come on, Rudy.
Dance Mania is starting.
Oh! Yay!
Yeah. Oh!
Dance Mania. All right!
I spoke to Walter's mother
this morning. She is very excited.
♪♪ Yes, indeed. Dance Mania!
Tina! My woman!
Look, there' s Cockroach.
He's dancing with
Tina, that lucky dog.
How am I supposed to watch
this if everybody's talking.
- Shh!
- Don't tell me to shh!
I'll talk when I wanna talk.
Theo, stop it, now.
Dad, I'm supposed to be
down here watching a movie.
Then you let Rudy and Vanessa just
come down here and have their way.
They always have
their way around here.
I never have my way!
Dad, I almost break my neck
on Rudy's phone.
And now I'm the
one suffering for it.
Go close the door.
Fine. You know, I'll
just go in the kitchen...
because I don't need to look at
some idiot box to
have a good time.
All right, Cockroach! Good move!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Theo, I get the feeling that
something's troubling you.
And I'd like to help you out,
but you're gonna
have to help me first.
Now, who or what is
it that has upset you?
Is it me?
No. Is it your dad?
No. Your sister's toy phone?
No. The people at Dance Mania?
No.
Is it Cockroach? No!
Mom, can't I be upset without
knowing what I'm upset about?
Well, is it possible that
you're upset because
Cockroach is in
there on TV with Tina,
and you're in here
with a bag of pretzels?
That might have
something to do with it.
Honey, how is it that he got
on the show and you didn't?
We're both in line
to get into the studio.
The stage manager comes
out. He says, "I'm sorry.
We only have room
for one more person."
So I said, "Cockroach,
you go ahead."
Cockroach said, "No, Theo.
You got the tickets, so you go."
So why didn't you go?
Because that wasn't supposed
to be the end of our conversation.
I was gonna say, "Cockroach, I
know I got the tickets, but you go."
Then Cockroach was
supposed to say, "No, Theo.
I insist. You go."
Then I was gonna say, "Okay."
But Cockroach said
okay before I could,
and before I know it,
Cockroach is on
television dancing with Tina.
I see. So then what you wanted
was for you to be inside with Tina
and for Cockroach to
be outside watching.
Right!
And that's the way
it would have been,
if Cockroach wasn't so selfish.
So then the person that
you're upset with is Cockroach.
Yeah.
Well, then why are
you taking it out on us?
'Cause Cockroach
doesn't live here.
Well, in my opinion, you
don't have any reason
to be upset with
Cockroach, either.
Mom, he aced me out of
an opportunity of a lifetime.
No, my love, you aced
yourself out of that opportunity.
You were the one who
took the gamble that
on the third time around
Cockroach was gonna say,
"No, man. You
go on in. I insist."
And that did not
happen. You lost.
You see, you should have
been honest with Cockroach.
You should have said,
"Yo, bro. Out of my way.
My woman Tina is in there
waiting for me, her destiny."
Then there wouldn't have
been any gamble at all.
Well, I don't know if I would
have felt right saying that.
Honey, that's the way you felt.
And now you're angry
because you didn't say that.
So, if you want to be
angry, Theo, that's fine,
but be angry with
yourself, okay?
Don't take it out on
us, because, if you do,
we gonna get angry back.
Fine, I'll be cool.
Thank you.
And, Son, the next time you
give somebody something,
make sure you're doing
it because you want to.
Don't expect anything in return.
Mom?
Yes.
"Yo, bro?"
♪♪
♪♪
Subtitled By J.R. Media
Services, Inc Burbank, CA
The Cosby Show was taped
before a studio audience.