The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 4, Episode 9 - Where's Rudy? - full transcript

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Make way for the
champion squash.

Oh, come on, now.

I haven't won any
championship yet.

We'll know today after the squash
contest who the champion is.

Just a matter of time before
they give you the blue ribbon.

I admit it is a fine
looking squash,

but that doesn't mean it's
going to be the best one there.

Let me tell you something:



on the evening news they will
say, "And here is Mrs. Clair Huxtable,

"beautiful mother
of five children.

"We're here live at the Eastland Mall
where the winner of the squash contest

is now about to
receive the blue ribbon."

And then Hollywood will call

and you'll have your own
T.V. show, "Let's Talk Squash".

People will be driving cars that
are designed to look like squash

and they'll be listening to the
hit record, "Squash Me, Baby,"

the number one tune in the
world, sung by the Squashettes.

♪ Squash me, baby,
downtown all night long ♪

You are a disturbed man.

I'm not entering this
contest to become famous.

I just want people to
see my squash, okay?

Now I have to go back outside.
I have to turn over the soil.



Well, turn over the soil, baby.

Turn it over all night long.

And I will sit here and
guard this national treasure.

Hello there, squash.

Do you know, I remember you when
you were just a glimmer in my wife's eye.

I... Hey, Mom's squash.

Yes.

So, when are we
leaving for the mall?

Oh, about a half hour from now.

Oh, so I guess I better
check the movie schedule.

Theo, I'm going to have
to pass on the movie.

I want to look at new clothes.

I want to go get some new toys.

No, no, no.

We are not going to
the mall for shopping.

We are going there to support
your mother in the squash contest.

Dad, don't do this to us.

Don't do what to us?

Make us go to
the squash contest.

Yeah.

Saturday's our only day of fun.

We work hard at school all week.

Yeah, we don't want
to look at vegetables.

To people who are
ingrates it is a vegetable.

Yeah, but Dad, the squash has spent
its whole lifetime alone in the backyard.

I don't think now it wants us
standing around staring at it.

First of all, we're
talking about support.

Do you remember the recital,
when you played the clarinet?

That wonderful clarinet

where you broke three, four
reeds playing notes backwards?

Your mother stood up and
clapped for you like you were good.

And sir, may I bother
you one second

to tell you about the
Shakespearean play you were in

whereupon you had the lead
part and forgot every word.

Walked around the stage
saying forsooth, forsooth.

Your mother stood up at the end of
that play and said, "that's my baby!"

"That's my baby!"

Mom came to my dance
recital, but I was good.

No, you weren't, dear.

I'm telling you guys that
you're going to this mall

and you're going to
root for Mom's squash.

- Dad, can I ask you something?
- Go ahead.

Do we have to eat
the squash for dinner?

If Mom wins, they'll keep the squash
there on display at the mall for a month.

And then maybe a world tour.

So if the squash wins,
we don't have to eat it?

No.

Go, squash, go!

Go, squash, go!

Well, here we are.

Wow!

So this is a squash show.

This is more exciting
than I thought it would be.

Me, too.

Mom, I'm very, very, very proud that this
squash is representing the Huxtable name.

Are your children
supportive, dear?

Your father put you
up to this, didn't he?

Yeah.

No.

Why would you say
something like that?

You told us to
always tell the truth.

Yeah, but I didn't tell you to
tell the truth at the wrong time.

Mom, I got to be honest.

I can't really get excited
about a room full of squash.

So is it okay if we cruise
the mall for a while?

Please?

Cliff, I really don't think it would
hurt to cut them loose for a little while.

Yeah.

Okay, back here in a half hour.

Take your little
sister with you.

- Rudy?
- Yes. Rudy.

You remember her. She
lives in the house with us.

Yeah, I want to cruise, too.

Dad, she's going to slow us up.

We want to have some fun.

Make up your minds.

You want to cruise with your little
sister, or would you like to watch squash.

Okay, Rudy, you
can come with us.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.
I'd love to join you.

Clair, I'm telling
you, you got it.

You got it.

I'm looking at
this other squash.

It's pitiful.

It would be nice to have
my squash acknowledged.

Now you're thinking.

I think I'll go over and see what
my man has under this cover.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You want to look at
my squash, don't you?

What I was wondering was why
you had it covered with the sheet.

Well, protection.

- You see, my squash is very sensitive.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, when I was growing it,

I awakened it every morning
with some cool jazz licks.

So, your squash likes jazz?

Oh, you know it, daddy-o.

I've been in this competition for
14 years, and I've lost every year.

Now if you'll excuse me,
I've got to get back to Edna.

So stay cool, man.

It's the only way I know how.

Okay, the record store
is to the left. Follow me.

But Nathan's is that way.
I want to look at clothes.

I want to go to the toy store.

Come on you guys,
we've only got 20 minutes.

We have to decide where
we're going and get there.

- Okay, I got a plan.
- What?

Well, I'm the oldest, so
we'll do what I want to do.

That plan stinks.

Oh, my.

Oh, my... it's him! He's here!

Who?

Him! Him... Danny Brenner.

Isn't that the guy you
talk about on the phone?

The guy you said is ugly?

Yes, but that was when he
was going with Donna Gaffney.

They broke up.

Oh, so now he's not ugly?

Just look at him.

Oh, my!

Oh, my!

Theo, I have got to meet him.

Then go on over there.

I can't. He's too cute.

You have to help me.
Please, you have to help me.

Vanessa, what am
I supposed to do?

Go over there and
have a key made.

Then I'll follow and
we'll have a conversation.

Vanessa, that's dumb.

Okay, I'll make you a deal.

If you help me with
this, you can leave Rudy

with me and you can
go to the record store.

You're on.

How come you two
get to make the deal?

I want to make a deal.

Rudy, you got your deal.

Yeah, we let you come with us.

That's a raw deal.

Come on.

- Can I help you?
- Yeah, I need to get a copy of this made.

Sure.

Hi, Theo! What are
you doing at the mall?

Well, you know, I had the day off so
I figured, why not have a key made?

- Hi.
- Hi.

You're Vanessa Huxtable.

Right. We're in the same class.

Hey, and you're
both in the mall today.

Unbelievable!

I didn't know you
knew how to make keys.

Yeh, I can make
three or four at a time.

Really?

You must be a genius.

Nobody can do that.

Geez.

Watch.

You're really good
with that machine.

Thanks.

It only took me a couple
hours to learn how to use it.

Wow, I'm impressed.

What's that machine do?

Oh, this is for
engraving on metal.

Would you like your
name on your keys?

You engrave, too? Whoa.

What would you
like? Print, or script.

That's a hard decision.

I may have to stay here
a while and think about it.

Vanessa?

- What?
- Where's Rudy?

Yeah, where is she?

That's what I just asked you.

Hey, Rudy?

Rudy!

Rudy?

Kim?

What are you doing here?

Trying to figure out where I am.

What are you doing here?

This is my dad's sushi bar.

It is?

Yeah.

Are you allowed to go
to the mall by yourself?

No, I was with my
sister and brother.

But they're stupid.

Yeah. I don't have a sister, but
if I did, I bet she'd be stupid too.

Yeah.

Come on, I'll show
you the restaurant.

Rudy, where have
you... Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, man, I can't
believe we lost her.

We didn't lose her.

We just can't find her.

I hope she's all right.

When I was eight, I once
got lost in the supermarket.

I felt like it was the
end of the world.

Tears were running down
my face, I was so scared.

I thought I'd never see
Mom and Dad again.

Vanessa, don't say that.

You're making me think of
Rudy standing somewhere, crying.

Well, she probably is.

I said, don't say it.

You know, this is your fault.

You were supposed
to keep an eye on her.

Well, so were you.

Vanessa, the only reason this happened
is because you've always been boy crazy.

You know, I knew your problem
was going to get me in trouble one day.

Good afternoon, shoppers.

The judging of the squash competition
is about to begin near the main entrance.

Oh, no, we can't go back
there. We don't have Rudy.

What if Rudy heard that and
went back to Mom and Dad?

She will tell them we
weren't watching her.

Oh, we've had it.

Look, you're faster than me.

Try to get to Mom and
Dad before she does, okay?

Good idea. You
check the toy store.

Okay, and if I see
her there, I'll apologize.

No, no, no, no!

If you apologize, she'll think
we did something wrong.

Tell her we let her
walk off on purpose.

Yeah, tell her we thought she
was old enough to go on her own.

- Good idea.
- Okay.

Now, Cliff, you
said thirty minutes.

It's been thirty minutes and
these children are not back yet.

Well, Clair, this
is the mall, see.

This is where time stands still.

Uh-huh.

Very nice.

Do you mind removing it?

Yes.

No, of course.

Uh, very nice.

Very nice indeed.

You mean it?

Yes, I mean it.

Do you really mean it?

Yes, I really mean it.

Thank you, thank you.

Edna, he really means it, honey.

You heard it, didn't you?

You heard it.

You've made him happy.

I'm so glad.

Clair? Hmm?

You've got to do something,
dear, about this presentation.

What's wrong with
the presentation?

Well, see, you need some color.

You need some
spirit added to it.

You need to do
something to it...

No, no, no, no.

I'm not gonna be stooping
to showmanship here.

No, no, we're not talking
about showmanship, dear.

Look, everybody
else... I see stuff...

They've other little squash
around it, they've got ceramics.

Everything looks so
colorful and beautiful.

Now just try this.

Okay, Cliff, the
sweater can stay.

Ah, good, thank you.

Now you know what else I think?

- Mm-mm.
- Some argyle socks...

Put your foot down
and don't try anything.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Theo, where are Vanessa and Rudy?

Oh, well, they're not here.

We know that. Where are they?

Oh, they're in the
mall somewhere.

You didn't stay with them?

Well, yeah, of course
I stayed with them.

But then I gave them a little
slack because sometimes

it's better for sisters to
get to know each other.

Theo, please go
get your sisters.

The judging is already started.

Sure, okay.

You didn't find her?

No. I looked everywhere.

The toy store, the pet
store, the video arcade.

She wasn't anywhere.

This is a nightmare.

We're in trouble.

Trouble?

Vanessa, we lost
our little sister.

We're beyond trouble.

Well, what do you think Mom
and Dad are going to do to us?

Oh, you're lucky.
You're only 14.

There are still
laws to protect you.

But I'm older.

You know, they could
send me to the penitentiary.

Theo, you're only 17.

I don't think you're old
enough for prison yet.

Yeah, but I'm old enough
to go into the service.

Dad's going to sign
me up to the Marines.

You know, he's been wanting
to do that for a long time,

but he was waiting for a
major screwup like this one.

Vanessa, we got to find Rudy.

We can have her
paged on the PA system.

We can't do that.

If Mom and Dad hear
it, they'll know she's lost.

Okay, then let's
talk to a policeman.

Okay, we'll search
every corner of the mall,

and if we don't find her,
then we'll get a policeman.

And then he can come with us when
we tell Mom and Dad we can't find Rudy.

We're going to
need the protection.

Wow, that's neat.

My dad can do all kinds
of things with vegetables.

Oh, hi!

- Hi, Rudy.
- Hi, Mr. Ogawa.

What brings you down here?

Rudy was with her brother
and sister but they're stupid.

Are you lost?

No. If I was lost, I'd go
up to a policeman and say,

"My name is Rudy Huxtable,
I live at 10 Stigwood Avenue."

Fine, you're not lost.

But I would feel better if
your Mom and Dad knew that.

They're at the squash show.

- Well, let's see them.
- Okay.

Cliff, these judges
got to come on now.

I'm starting to get
a little nervous here.

Don't worry about it.

All you have to do
is concentrate on this.

Don't forget, behind every
great woman is a great man.

Hi, Rudy. Hey.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mr. Ogawa.

- Hi, Mrs. Huxtable.
- How are you doing, Tony?

- Dr. Huxtable.
- How's everything?

Rudy was at my sushi restaurant.

She tells me she's not lost, but I
thought I would check with you.

Well, thanks very much.

Where are Vanessa and Theo?

I don't know.

You mean, they just
let you wander around?

They had better things to do.

Oh, I see.

Can I go back to the Sushi bar?

Well, that depends on Tony.

Sure.

She and Kim are
having a good time.

Yeah.

All right, we'll come and pick
you up after a while, all right?

- Okay.
- All right.

Mom, I hope your squash wins,

but if it doesn't, I'll be
happy to eat it for dinner.

Thanks, honey.

Thank you, Mr. Ogawa.

I'll see you later, Kim.

- Okay.
- Bye, bye.

See you, Kim.
Bye, bye, have fun.

Okay, so we are going to have
a word with Theo and Vanessa.

Tell you what: when they do show
up, you just follow what I do, okay?

Okay.

Here, they're coming.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Hey, how's everything?
How's the mall been?

Oh, fine.

Listen, about Rudy.

What about her?

She's not here.

You're saying you
don't know where she is?

Dad, we were watching
her. We really were.

Uh-huh.

But we turned around
and she wasn't there.

She was with you, right?

Yes.

She's lost?

Yeah.

Oh, well, then
let her stay lost.

Let her stay lost?

Now, she was told to
stay with the two of you.

And she didn't listen
and she went out there

wandering around, so
just leave her out there.

That's all.

That girl could get lost
and never see us again.

It would teach her a lesson.

Listen, and it would make a lot
easier on our lives, I'll tell you that.

I'm with you.

It's a good thing
you two made it back

- in time for the judging.
- You better believe it.

Don't you want us
to look for Rudy?

Let me tell you something.
First of all, we have five children.

When you have five children,
by the time you get to the fifth one,

and you have to tell that child the
same thing over and over and over

you get tired of talking
to hardheaded people.

So just leave her out there.

Your father is right.

She knew she was
supposed to stay with you.

She didn't do it.

- Fine, she's got to pay the penalty.
- There you go.

Yeh, but Mom, what if somebody
grabbed her and ran off?

You think that might happen?

Yes. She's only eight.

Then why didn't you
think of that before you

let the girl go wandering
all over the mall?

I don't know what it is between your
ears and your brain that's dislodged.

Every time we say,
"watch your sister,"

by the time it goes
through your ear

and travels, it changes to "let
her go wandering around the mall."

And I just wish to the heavens that I
could find something that could fix it.

A screwdriver or maybe a brick.

Your sister's fine. She's in
the sushi bar with her friend.

- She is?
- Yes.

- Oh.
- You're not kidding?

No.

You don't know
how worried I was.

Me, too.

Since she's not lost or anything,
is it okay if I go over to the Keyosk?

What is the Keyosk?

It's a place where
they make keys.

Vanessa, I think by
the time this day is

over you won't have
a place to put a key in.

Why don't the two of you go
outside and wait in the car for us?

No, no, no, no.

Wait under the car.

All right? You go ahead.

Do we really have
to wait in the car?

Under the car.

Oh, lovely.

Simply lovely.

Oh.

I didn't win.

You won.

I didn't win.

You won. Ha-ha.

And now the results of our 15th
annual winter squash competition.

Just say I didn't win, sir.

In third place, Estelle Drake.

Oh.

Thank you.

I didn't even make third place.

The runner up, Clair Huxtable.

Oh.

Oh my.

Thank you very much.

And our blue ribbon
winner, Norman Kirby.

Ahh!

I won.

Oooh, it was actually me! I won!

Put it on there.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.

When in the course
of human events,

a man grows a squash

and he hopes that squash
will one day be known

as the big one.

Edna's my big one.

My only regret is that my wife
couldn't be here to share this moment.

I guess she walked
out one year too soon.

Make way for Clair Huxtable and
her prize winning squash, Torpedo.

I think it looks just as
good with a red ribbon.

Yes, indeed.

Question is, now that this is
all over, what do we do with it?

I think we ought to cut
it up and eat it, dear.

Oh Cliff, you can't.

But dear, if we put it up
on the shelf somewhere,

the thing is going
to start to get old

and then those little black flies
are going to come all around.

Well, at least it
wouldn't suffer.

No, listen, you're
talking to a surgeon.

This thing will never feel it.

I just don't want
to have to watch it.

Well, you don't have to.

Come on little fella, Torpedo.

We're going to take you
to a little private place.

No, no. Wait, wait, wait.
What are you talking about?

What?

No, there's not a knife in here.

No, no.

Really, see? Look. Spatula.

I'm just taking you out
digging all around, okay?

You don't mind
if I do that, huh?

All right, boy.

Here we go... What?
What's behind...

You want to see
what's behind my back?

Oh, no problem.

See? Nothing.

Going for a little walk, yes.

No, no, come on.

Okay.

Don't try to fight now.

Ah! The prisoner has escaped!

The Cosby Show is taped
before a studio audience.

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