The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 3, Episode 4 - Man Talk - full transcript

Number nineteen...
Ferdinand Magellan.

All right! Magellan!

One more right,
and I ace the test.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this one is for the car

the Washer and
the trip to Hawaii.

Number twenty was...?

Coronado.

It was Pizarro.

It had to be Coronado.

Tanya, we're talking
senor Pizarro, here.

Ask Andy. He gets straight as.



Hey, Andy?

What was number twenty?

Cortez.

So we got one wrong.

Theo... Yeah.

See you later.

Okay.

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

I need to discuss
something with you.

What is it?

It's a relationship thing.

I've been seeing
Tanya for a while

and we like each other.



What's wrong?

Another girl is after me.

Randi Taylor. She's incredible.

Every guy at school has
asked her out and failed.

And she wants you?

No matter where I
am she's looking at me.

It's not a regular look.

It's one of these...

all the time?

Every time I turn around.

How come every
time you turn around

you're looking at her?

To see if she's looking at me.

I see.

She starts it.

Does she know you're
going with Tanya?

She has to, but I
don't think she cares.

She's willing to throw
caution to the wind to get you?

I don't know about all that.

But look what she
left in my locker.

"Hi, Theo... Randi."

Check out how
she dotted her "I."

with a circle.

Not a circle. It's a heart.

Okay... if you look
at it long enough.

What should I do?

That's a tough question.

I like Tanya

and I don't want
to hurt her feelings.

But it's obvious Randi likes me.

If I don't do anything,
she'll feel rejected.

You don't want that.

No.

So, as a courtesy

I should take her
out once, right?

Well?

Well, what?

Tell me what I should do.

No.

You're my father.

I'm coming to you for guidance.

You want me to tell
you to go with Randi.

You think I should take her out?

I didn't say that.

So I shouldn't take her out?

I didn't say that.

What are you saying?

I have five children.

I've lived through
two older daughters.

I've dealt with
matters of the heart.

I'm not doing that anymore.

Just tell me when
you're getting married...

what the date is.

I will show up.

I will bring a present.

I'll have a card

that says "Congratulations
to Theo and Randi"

Or "Theo and Tanya"

Or "Theo and the Ice Capades."

So I'm on my own?

If you have a problem...

A matter of the heart...

And you want somebody to talk to

who will listen and
not give you an answer

I'm here all the time.

Thanks, dad.

You're welcome.

(knocking)

Come in.

Hey, Theo.

What's up?

Ready to study?

I suppose.

A little more
enthusiasm, will you?

We're talking higher
education here.

You're excited about college?

One day I realized
I wanted to go.

When his dad said if
he didn't get a degree

he wouldn't get
the family business.

That helped me.
So could we start?

Okay.

First, can you
guys keep a secret?

Yeah.

Sure.

You can't tell anyone.

Do you know Randi Taylor?

Are you kidding?

Burger supreme.

She's after me.

Are you sure?

Yes.

How do you know?

This was in my locker.

Wow! You are set.

See the heart?

Where? Where?

Over the "I."

that's a circle.

It's a heart.

Maybe her pen slipped.

How do you live
such a full life?

I didn't do anything.

She made the first move.

Unbelievable.

I'm not surprised.

Lots of girls like you.

Get out of here.

They talk about you.

Really?

You know what they say?

You're good-looking,
but you don't know it.

Get out of here.

That's what women like...

A guy who's good-looking,
but acts like he's not.

Cockroach, I'm an
okay-looking guy.

They love it when
you're not conceited.

That's why women like you.

Please!

When I started acting like
I wasn't so good-looking

it helped a lot.

That's my problem.

I don't know how
to act around girls.

Just be yourself.

With a little me thrown in.

Yeah, very little.

You asking Randi out?

I don't know.

That attitude will get
her more interested.

I'm not sure I want that.

Have you talked to her?

Let's drop it and
start studying.

This is better than studying.

This is life.

No, Gerald. Theo's right.

We're here to get me
my scrap iron business.

Let's start with
the verbal section.

These are word analogies.

Number one:

"Magnet is to metal AS:

(A) hammer is to nail.
B) Radar is to airplane.

(C) Theo is to Randi."

"C."

What are you doing?

I am sending Denise
a care package.

Oh, good.

Whoo-hoo! Macadamia nuts.

You're sending her
macadamia nuts?

Yes.

Denise hates macadamia nuts.

Why are you sending them to her?

You know Denise
loves macadamia nuts.

No, she doesn't.

She does and you know it.

I love macadamia Nuts, too.

Well, if you go to
college, I'll send you some.

You're a nice person.

Have you spoken to Rudy?

No. Why?

Rudy wants a tea party.

Theo and Vanessa are busy,
and I have to go to the office

so could you have tea with Rudy?

Are you kidding?

I love Rudy's tea parties.

She makes the most
delicious-tasting invisible tea.

She'll be thrilled.

Where is she?

In the living room with Bobo.

Hey.

Hi.

How you doing?

You know what?

I'm very upset.

Why?

Well, I heard that
a certain person...

I'm not naming any
names or anything...

Is having a tea party
and didn't invite me.

I thought you were busy.

Everyone else was.

Busy?

Do I look busy?

Do I look like a busy person?

I'll get the tea set.

No, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait.

If we're having tea

we have to do it the proper way.

We'll have it at teatime.

When's that?

4:00 p.m.

And we will dress
sort of... fancy like.

I'll wear a dress.

You'll wear a jacket and tie.

No pants?

Daddy!

Amplifier is to hear as
microscope is to see.

Right!

All right.

Let's take a break.

My brain cells are smoking.

I keep thinking about
your problem, Theo.

I'd love to have it.

Who's it going to be?

Tanya Or the ever-popular Randi?

Maybe I can keep Tanya
as a steady girlfriend

and date Randi once in a while.

Dream on.

That's not how it works.

Theo, you have
to stay with Tanya.

Why?

He gave her a ring.

He can take it back.

So you're voting for Randi?

Absolutely.

Don't feel sorry for Tanya

'cause I'll date her.

You're not going out with Tanya.

I will if you dump her.

I don't believe this.

Would you rather she
went out with Strangers?

Yeah!

Theo

if you dump Tanya,
she can date anyone.

It should be me.

Give me one good reason.

'cause I haven't had
a date in four months.

Wait a minute.

What about that date
with Lisa Worthington?

We didn't go out.

We've never gone out.

You told me you went
out six or seven times.

I meant to say

that I've asked her
out six or seven times.

Do girls talk
about us like this?

Nah.

Are you kidding?

I've heard my sisters.

What do they say?

Everything, and
they're worse than us.

Wait a minute.

You mean they talk
about our bodies?

Absolutely.

And they show no mercy.

That's disgusting.

Either of you guys see
yourselves being married?

I wonder what it's like

to be with the same
person for 20 years.

My folks Still Kiss
after 25 years.

Mine are all over each other.

Is that all taped up?

Yes.

It's all taped up
the way you want it?

Yes.

Ready to go?

Yes.

Good.

Then it's too late
to include these.

Cliff, you are terrible.

Hey, mom.

Hi, how did the studying go?

We covered a lot of subjects.

Anything to do with College?

Some of them.

(ring)

Huxtable residence.

Hi, Tanya.

You do?

Uh, well, okay.

I'll be here.

Yeah.

See you then.

Tanya?

She's coming over.

You don't look too happy.

My relationship with
Tanya is in trouble.

Really?

Clair... matters of the heart.

Proceed with caution.

Theo, what's going
on with you and Tanya?

It's not working out
the way it should be.

We're not like you and dad.

Your father and I have
been married almost 23 years.

You dated in high school.

You always knew you
were meant for each other.

I don't know about that now.

I had my doubts at first.

I never did.

I knew your mother was the one

from the first time I saw her.

You mean you never
wanted to see anyone else?

Never.

That's how I want it to
be with me and Tanya.

Wait a minute.

Cliff?

You never wanted
to see anyone else?

Never.

What about Eunice Chantilly?

Eunice Chantilly?!

Mm-hmm.

See, Theo, all
through high school

your father had a severe
case of overheating

for one miss Eunice Chantilly...

A flouncy little Tart in high
heels and Tight sweaters

who was 18 and
still in the ninth grade.

Son, she was just a friend

and someone I could talk to.

Eunice Chantilly was
known for many things

But conversation
was not one of them.

And I am convinced

your father still has
a picture of Eunice

hidden in this house.

Theo, come here.

Do you want to see someone else?

Yeah.

But I still like Tanya.

That's okay, you're young

and you have lots of time.

But, uh... just whatever
you decide to do

be honest with
yourself and with Tanya.

Okay, I will.

Okay.

And, mom... hmm?

I want to thank you
for helping me out.

Anytime.

(doorbell)

Hi. Hi.

Come on in.

Can I take your coat?

I can't stay.

I have to get back home.

Okay. Well, have a seat.

Theo, I want to talk to you.

I want to talk to you, too.

You do?

Yeah.

I want to be totally honest.

So do I.

Good.

I know about the
note from Randi.

You do?

Marsha told me about it.

That's sort of what I
wanted to talk to you about.

I see how you look at Randi.

You seem interested in her.

Am I right?

Well, not really.

Yeah, you're right.

Do you think we should
stop Seeing each other

for a while?

What do you think?

I think we should.

You do?

The last couple of weeks

things have been
different with us.

I know.

It isn't just you...
It's me, too.

Do you know Charlie Myers?

Isn't he in the band?

He's my section Leader...

and we've been
talking a lot lately.

Doesn't he know
we're going steady?

We've just been talking

but I think maybe
We'd like to go out.

You mean like on a date?

Yeah.

Whoa.

Aren't you thinking
of dating Randi?

Kind of.

Are we breaking up?

I guess.

I should give this back.

No, keep it!

It's a friendship ring.

We're still friends.

Right.

And who knows?

Theo, you're the first guy
who's ever been wild about me.

Come on.

Really. Thanks.

When someone likes you that much

it gives you confidence.

If it wasn't for you

I couldn't have
talked to Charlie.

Uh... I'm glad.

I better be going.

Okay.

Well, I guess I'll
see you at school.

Bye, Tanya.

Bye, Theo.

(British accent) I say.

I say.

Would you care, old bean,
to join me for some tea?

I need to talk to you.

This is serious.

We need to talk.

Okay.

Tanya just left.

You want to hear something?

She dumped me for another guy.

Well, weren't you going to
dump her for another girl?

But, dad... Charlie Myers?

She dumped me for Charlie Myers.

What's wrong with Charlie Myers?

Nothing, dad.

I just can't picture him
and Tanya together.

I don't think you can picture
Tanya with anyone except you.

Now come on.

(British accent) Let's
have some tea, my boy.

Here we go.

Charlie... Charlie Myers, dad.

Charlie Myers.

I know...

I know.

Ah, it's teatime.

Yes.

And I brought with me
my friend, Theo Huxtable

do sit down.

Thank you.

Have a seat, my good man.

Charlie Myers.

Shall I pour?

Please do.

Ahh, my goodness

the weather certainly
is wonderful, isn't it?

Hasn't the weather
been simply delightful?

Yes, what do you think, Earl?

Whatever you say, dad.

I have to apologize
for the Earl's behavior.

He's quite depressed, you see.

Woman problems?

(ring)

the phone.

(ring)

Huxtable residence.

Theo?

Well, he's a little
depressed right now.

Who's calling?

Maxine.

Well... Maxine?!

I'll take it!

Dad, that's Maxine Kirkwood.

She's a majorette.

Looking for a major.

I'll take it in the living room.

All right. Good luck.

(ring)

(ring)

That was the lady Maxine calling

for the Earl of rebound.

Quite all right.

I would like to propose a toast

to the beautiful lady Rudy...

Whose teeth happen to be
much larger than her face.

But this is a toast,
an English toast.

Not about teeth.

Not about your teeth?

I said about the tea.

Tea.

Whose tea-th...

I'm sorry.

But we'll toast, anyway.

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