The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 3, Episode 3 - Golden Anniversary - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪♪ [singing in Spanish]

♪♪ [ends]

The troops are all snoring and
everything downstairs is locked.

Good.

- Cliff?
- Yes.

All this planning
for your parent's

50th wedding anniversary
has started me thinking.

We have to do something really
special for our 25th anniversary.

But, dear, we've
been married 22 years.

So?



What about the 23rd anniversary?

I mean you just don't
want to whisk by that.

No, I don't want to whisk by it.

But you just went
right to the 25th.

I mean, you had the 23rd
in your rearview mirror.

And the 23rd was sitting there on the
curb with its head down and just saying,

"I don't know why
she doesn't like me

"just because you
can't divide me by five.

"I mean, I'm an anniversary
and I'm a good anniversary

so don't be putting
that 25 in my face."

All right, Cliff, I agree,
every anniversary is special.

That's right.

And I tell you something else.

This 23rd anniversary is going to
be the best one you've ever had.



Is this so?

Absolutely.

Then I take it you have
something planned.

That is correct.

Something special.

That is correct.

What is it?

I don't have to
tell you everything.

Anna?

Mm. I must have dozed off.

Yes, you did.

What time is it?

It's one minute past midnight.

Tomorrow is today.

And today is our anniversary.

That's right.

Happy... [Both]
50th anniversary.

Mmm.

[chuckles]

This is jasmine.

With a little nutmeg.

Oh, Russell, you devil.

What, just because
I brought you tea?

You brought me jasmine tea with nutmeg
on our wedding night and you know it.

[laughs] Yes, I do.

I remember that you
brought it up to the room

and you served it on a
silver tray with one red rose.

I was pretty
romantic that night.

Ooh, yes you were.

Maybe this time I'll
get to finish the tea.

Maybe not.

What time is it dear?

It's five after midnight.

All right.

I'm going to call my mother and father
and wish them a happy 50th anniversary.

Now? It's a little
late don't you think?

Yeah, you're probably right.

They've been sleeping
a long time by now.

Listen, I just made up my mind.

I know exactly what we're going to
do on the 23rd wedding anniversary.

All right, Cliff, what is it?

First of all we get on the
plane and we fly to Paris.

Meeting us at the plane is a limousine
and behind the limousine is a truck.

The truck is empty.

We drive into the middle where
all of the shops happen to be

and I give you my credit card.

The truck follows you as you
walk up and down the street,

going in and out of stores.

When you finish with that
card you come back to me.

I give you another card.

Now you've got a
truck and a limousine.

We then go to a private airport.

I have a plane that is rented.

The limousine and the
truck get into this plane.

We then fly to Italy.

The truck, the plane
and the limousine

stay there while we just
go to the Trevi Fountain,

take our shoes off
and walk around.

And then we go
back to the airport

where a larger plane has the small
plane, the limousine and the truck...

Cliff, I don't need all that.

You don't?

All I need is you.

Aww.

[laughing]

On our 23rd wedding
anniversary... Uh-huh?

All I need is you.

And that trip to Paris.

[Cliff] What do you think?

- Looks good.
- Thank you.

- Daddy?
- Uh-huh?

How come it's called
the golden anniversary?

It's called the golden anniversary because
gold is a very rare and precious metal

and to be married 50
years is rare and precious.

I'm going to be
married 50 years, too.

Are you?

- And guess what else?
- What?

I'm going to get
married when I'm 23.

Twenty-three.

And I'm going to have a
house on a hill in Pennsylvania.

That's a nice state.

And I'm going to
have two children.

One will be a boy
and one will be a girl.

All right.

And I'll have a
dog named Tiffany.

And I'll have a
husband named Bud.

Husband named Bud?

Bud what?

Bud Huxtable.

Hi!

Look who's here.
Look who's here.

Hi, Denise!

[raspberry]

I zerbered you.

All right.

[laughing]

And I zerber... [raspberry]

Yes.

How's school?

- It's great.
- Good.

Where's Sondra and Elvin?

Oh they're having a discussion
on where to park the car.

- You mean a fight.
- Yes.

Dad, I took the
bus up to Princeton

so I could have a nice ride
home with Sondra and Elvin, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- Big mistake.

They fought the entire way.

They fought over
who was going to drive,

which highway to take,
where to stop for gas,

when to stop for gas, who
was going to pump the gas.

You have to talk to them.

I will.

- Where's Mom?
- She's in the kitchen.

I'm going to go say hi.

- Hey.
- Hi, Dad.

- How you doing?
- Fine.

- Elvin.
- Hi, Dr. Huxtable. How are you?

- How's school?
- Fine, thank you, sir.

How was the trip?

- Nice.
- Nice.

Really?

Oh, yes, it was wonderful.

A lot of fun.

Excellent, really.

Probably the best
trip I've have ever had.

How can you say that, Elvin?

Dad, you might as well
know it was a miserable trip.

We fought all the way home.

Yes. Okay.

See, we decided that since
we were coming to see my family

I would pay for the gas,

but then when we stopped to get
the gas he wouldn't let me pump it.

Dr. Huxtable,
that is a man's job.

Elvin, there's no such
thing as a man's job.

Why couldn't I pump the gas?

It wouldn't look right.

I see, you won't let me pump gas

but you'll ask me to make you a
sandwich or get you a cup of coffee.

That's different.

How?

Pumping gas makes your
hands dirty and smelly.

Women should not
smell like gasoline.

Women should
smell like sandwiches.

Elvin, that's ridiculous.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

May I suggest something?

Sure, Dad.

Why don't the two of you just get
away from each other for about an hour

and give yourselves time to
think about your relationship

and the problems
that you're having

and why you're
bringing them here.

All right. All right.

I'll just go upstairs
and unpack.

Have a good time, honey.

Oh, Elvin.

Yes.

Elvin.

Yes?

[sighs]

I know, sir. I get
on Sondra's nerves.

Elvin, you get on her nerves.

You get in her nerves.

You get around her nerves.

It's just that I don't
know who I am anymore.

You're Elvin.

I know, sir, but I'm confused
about my duties as a man.

Your duties?

Yes, sir.

What I'm supposed to do and
what I'm not supposed to do.

If I offer to take Sondra's
luggage she says,

"Just because I'm a woman
doesn't mean I can't do this myself."

But then, if I don't open a door for her,
she gets angry and calls me inconsiderate.

Please, Dr. Huxtable,
tell me, what is my job?

Your job is to get out.

Sir?

No, no, I don't mean for
you to leave the house.

Oh, thank you.

What I'm saying is the luggage
is there, you go to pick it up.

She says, "Elvin, I
can handle that myself."

It's time for you
to go to the door.

You go to the door to open it.
She says, "Elvin, I can do it myself."

You got it?

- Dad?
- Yes, dear?

- Oh, hi, Elvin.
- Hi, Vanessa.

Dad, Mom has a jar that won't
open and she needs some help.

I'll do it.

Well, thanks.

Elvin!

Hello, Mrs. Huxtable.

Hi, Elvin.

I understand you're having
some trouble with a jar?

Oh, yes, I am.

Allow me.

It's like cement.

That's no problem.

This is one job I'm
not confused about.

What do you mean?

This is a man's job.

What's a man's job?

Opening a jar when
a woman can't do it.

Really? I didn't know that.

My hands must
be a little slippery.

Thank you.

Having trouble, Elvin?

I'm not done yet.

You know Elvin, if opening a jar
is a man's job and you can't do it...

Hey, Mom.

Sondra, hi!

- Vanessa.
- Hey.

[Both] Hi.

Elvin, what are you doing?

I'm opening a jar for your mom.

He's been opening it
for about five minutes.

Well, let me try.

No, Sondra I can do it.

No, come on
Elvin. Let me try it.

Sondra, I think
I'm perfectly cap...

[chuckles]

There you go, Mom.

Thanks, Sondra.

You're a real man.

Russell, you ready?

What do you think?

Well you certainly took
your time, but it was worth it.

[doorbell ringing]

Who can that be?

Ellen! Jack, come in.

What a nice surprise.

Surprise?

In all the time we've lived
across the street from you,

have we ever forgotten
your anniversary?

You better say never.

Never.

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

His and her pajamas.

Now you've gone and told them.

Oh, what's the difference?
They're going to find out anyway.

Oh, don't worry.

We'll act surprised
when we open it.

Sit down.

I've passed a lot of milestones
with this beautiful lady.

But this is a big one.

Fifty years of married life.

Fifty years is
nothing. You're babies.

When you've been married
as long as Ellen and I,

then you'll know you've
spent some time together.

How many years for you two?

Fifty-five years.

And the last five
have been the best.

That's because I spent
the first fifty breaking him in.

Hey, you two look
like you're going out.

No, this is how we always
dress around the house.

We're going over
to our son's house.

He and the family are having
a special celebration for us.

The 50th anniversary
should be special.

We had one I'll never forget.

What did you do?

Jack took me back to the
very spot he proposed to me

and asked me to
marry him all over again.

Oh, that's lovely.

It was back in Arizona and
he'd taken me out to the desert

with the sunset turning
the sand all rose.

And two little palm
trees to bear witness.

I carried that beautiful
memory with me for 50 years,

and I couldn't wait to get back.

Was it as beautiful
as you remembered?

Not exactly.

Our little corner of the
desert is now a shopping mall.

But the two palm
trees were there though.

Right in front
of a pizza parlor.

But I didn't let that stop me.

I took Ellen right up to the steps of the
pizza parlor and got down on one knee.

I said, "Will you
marry me again?"

[laughing]

It was a different memory and we had
different witnesses, but it was beautiful.

We'll go back again
after the next fifty.

It's a date.

And if you do take that
trip again, we'll join you.

If you don't mind a couple
of babies tagging along.

Cliff, relax, they'll
be here any minute.

Well, that's that.

How's it going, Elvin?

Rudy and I just finished
making the salad.

Ah, good.

I just wanted both of
you to know that Sondra

and I have made a
vow not to fight tonight.

We discussed things and I promised
that I'd try to be more sensitive

to the way she feels.

I'm happy for you.

[Sondra] All set.

I'll go in the kitchen
and help out.

Wait a minute, Sondra.

What, Elvin?

You look stunning.

Oh, thank you.

I don't know where you got that dress,
but it really accentuates your beauty.

I mean it.

I've never seen
you look so radiant.

Elvin... Yes?

This is the fourth time
you've seen me in this dress.

It is?

Yes. Obviously the first three
times meant nothing to you.

That's not true. They
meant a lot to me.

I just don't remember them.

Elvin.

I know, sir, I didn't go...

No, no. No, no, no.

That isn't...

Elvin, you never, never
say you didn't remember.

- Never?
- No.

Okay.

And how long do you think
that relationship will last?

Forever.

[doorbell ringing]

- Who is it?
- It's your mother.

No, it's some old people
out there married 50 years.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary to you.

Where are our
beautiful grandchildren?

They're in the
kitchen cooking dinner.

Well, I want to see them.

Yes.

- Listen.
- Hmm?

Last night after midnight,

we were going to call
you and then we figured

you guys were probably sleeping.

And we didn't want to wake you.

Oh, we were awake.

Yeah, way past midnight.

Oh, got caught up on one of those
old late night movies, didn't you?

Nope.

Oh, you were playing cards?

No.

Well, what, were you...
Were you reading?

No.

Well, what were you doing?

Well, now, Anna, I
want to know the truth.

Can I expect the
same from that one?

Till the grave.

Oh, wonderful dinner.

That shrimp Creole
was delicious.

All right, now are you
two ready to dance

the night away to the
Count Basie Orchestra?

Yes, we are, but we're not
leaving right now are we?

Well, we have to.
We have reservations.

But son, as I recall last year after dinner
the whole family performed a song for us.

We loved that.

Anna, we wanted to
perform a song this year

but we didn't have
time to get it together.

Heathcliff, we want our song.

You heard Clair,
there's no song.

Now get out.

We're not going anywhere
until we get our song.

Now you sit here. You'll have
a fine view when they start.

Okay, but, uh... Okay,
okay, okay, okay.

There is a song.

I knew it.

What's it going to be this year?

Another Ray Charles number?

No.

One from old Blue Eyes?

No. No, no.

Gene Autry singing,
"Back in the Saddle Again".

I like him.

It isn't Gene Autry.

This year it's Anna's
favorite singer.

James Brown.

And one, two, one,
two, three, four.

♪♪ ["I've Got The Feeling"]

♪ Ah, ah, ah ah ♪

♪ I've got the feelin' ♪

♪ Baby, baby, I've
got the feelin' now ♪

♪ You don't know ♪

♪ What you do to me ♪

♪ Leave my heart heavy ♪

♪ Down in misery ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Ow! ♪

♪ Hey, wow! ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I got that feeling, baby ♪

♪ Can't help it ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ I've got that feelin', baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Sometimes I'm up ♪

♪ Sometimes I'm down ♪

♪ My heart ♪

♪ I'm a rarin' down ♪

♪ On level with the ground ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I said, level
with the ground ♪

♪ Hey, baby ♪

♪ Unh ♪

♪ Unh, unh ♪

♪ Waaa ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I've got that feelin', baby ♪

♪ Can't help it ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby ♪

♪ I'm on a ♪

♪ Someone, now ♪

♪ Unh Oh! ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪

Happy anniversary!

♪♪ [jazz]

Thank you very much.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we have with us tonight

one of the original members
of the Jazz Caravan.

None other than
Mr. "Slide" Huxtable.

[cheering]

And he's here with his lovely wife Anna
celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

[drum roll]

I've been told by their son,
and I assume he's trustworthy...

that their favorite Basie
tune is "Shiny Stockings".

I'll tell you what.

We're going to play that very tune if
the Huxtables will lead off in the dancing.

♪♪ ["Shiny Stockings"]

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