The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 3, Episode 2 - Food for Thought - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪♪ [singing in Spanish]

♪♪ [ends]

Mom. Yes.

Denise is going away
to college tonight, right?

Right. Then we need to talk.

About what?

Well, Vanessa said that she's going
to move into Denise's room right away.

That's right, and you're
gonna have your own room.

I don't want it.

Well, why not?



What if somebody comes in?

Like who?

The Wolfman.

[clicks tongue] Oh, you.

Come on now. We
talked about the Wolfman,

and he exists
only in the movies.

The people in the
movies say that,

then Wolfman eats 'em.

Oh, I see. So you want
Vanessa in your room

just in case the
Wolfman comes in.

Right, he'd eat her
first. She's much bigger.

Well, you know, if you think the
Wolfman's coming into your room,

you could always come across
the hall and see Daddy and me.

I may not have time.



Well, then I tell you
what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna get a plate of cookies,
and I'm gonna put it next to your bed.

And if the Wolfman comes
in, he's gonna see them.

And while he's eating
them, you can get away.

Good idea. He
likes chocolate chip.

You're kidding.

[chuckles] Thanks, Mom.

All right.

Hi, Mom.

Where have you been?

I found the perfect
trunk for school.

Ta-da!

Look at this.

Denise, I thought I gave
you money for a new trunk.

Yeah, but, Mom, look
at this. It is beautiful.

It's unique. It has character.

And it has mold.

Mold?

Mom, her clothes are going to
smell like somebody's basement.

It'll be very easy to get
rid of the mold, Theo.

Denise, this is getting heavy.
When can we put it down?

Soon as we get upstairs.

And hurry up before Mom
makes me take it back.

And watch this step.

What's that? My new trunk.

Doesn't look new.

Mom? Yes.

Rudy is acting very strange,

and she's being more
of a pest than usual.

Now, I think it's because
Denise is leaving.

I think you're right.

But I think she's also afraid because
you're moving into Denise's room,

and she'll be lonely.

Oh, she'll miss me.

Yes.

Well, I can't blame her.

I'm a pretty good
roommate. I'd miss me, too.

Well, I'll let her be a pest.

[Cliff] Clair?

Yes.

Hi. Hey.

How was the delivery?

Oh, listen. It never fails.

You get a woman who's 4'3"

giving birth to a 12
pound, four ounce baby.

So, how is Bob?

Well, his brother called
and said we can relax.

Bob does not need
the bypass surgery.

- That's wonderful.
- The doctor unclogged that artery

with a little balloon.

Oh, the angioplasty.

Uh-huh. Yeah, that's it.

Well, anyway,
he's up and around,

and in a couple weeks,
he'll be back to work.

Good for him.

You know, I was talking
to his brother, and he says

that he thinks it had a lot
to do with the way Bob eats.

Yeah, I would believe that.

Yeah.

You know how he likes
those fried, greasy foods.

Of course.

Oh, and the fat. Hmm.

The man practically
lived off of cream cheese,

butter and eggs. Mm-hmm.

And you know what
else he had a lot of?

What's that?

Salt.

Uh, I just had a physical,

and Dr. Brooks gave
me a clean bill of health.

Okay? Maybe he did,

but you're eating the same
kind of foods that Bob eats,

and you're both the same age.

No, we are not the same age.

Bob is 50.

I'm not 50.

Well, okay, so you're 49.

Dear, that is a
different decade.

Cliff, that is a year, one year.

Look, I have the
metabolism of a young man,

and I can eat
whatever I want to.

Why? Because my
body can absorb it.

And you see me
eat all of the time,

and you know for yourself

I have never
been full in my life.

That's why you get up
from the dining room table,

unbuckle your belt,
go into the living room,

and fall asleep on the
couch for one hour?

Because I work hard.

Because you eat hard.

And then you wake
up from your nap

with your mouth all
dried out from all the salt

you put all over your food,

saying... [smacks lips]

"Clair... Clair I... I... I
need something to drink."

"No! No, Clair,

not... not water, something
with bubbles in it."

Why are you picking on me?

Because you're 49 years old.

Look, we've already
established that, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay, so it's not... It's now
time for you to take better

care of yourself.

Cliff, you have a tendency
to eat large amounts

of everything except
fruits and vegetables,

which you don't eat enough of.

That's where you're wrong,

because I eat raw vegetables.

You've seen me eat them.

How do you eat them?

Put them in my mouth and
chew. What is the matter with you?

Cliff, you take a
piece of celery,

wrap it in three slices of bologna
and dip it in cream cheese.

I do that for the taste.

Cliff, you are a salt
food, junk food junkie.

You could not stop
eating this kind of food

for one day, even if you tried.

And do you know why?

Because you are weak and sad.

Well, I will have you know
that I possess something

that people wish they had.

And that is the
Huxtable iron will,

which was given to me
by my great-grandfather...

who took a piece of swamp land

and drained it with
his bare hands,

built a 12-room
house with no tools

out of twigs, leaves and rocks.

You know why?

Because somebody
said he couldn't do it.

He didn't even want the house.

I see.

So you could just stop eating
this kind of food just like that.

Any time I wanted to,
because I have an iron will.

I've been eating like
this since I was four.

Yes, darling.

But now you are 49...

and your little arteries don't
unclog the way they used to.

And who should
know better than me?

Would you like to...
unclog my arteries?

Could you not eat that sandwich?

Of course I could,
if I wanted to.

Don't eat it.

Do you think you're
psyching me out?

Man, that's really
an old, old game.

I'll tell you what
I'm going to do.

I am not going to
eat this sandwich.

Not because you said so,

but because I say so.

I will not eat it.

Oh, good. I can throw this away.

No, no, no! Don't throw it away.

No, no, because
Denise loves this.

I'll give it to Denise.
She's going to college

tonight. Cliff.

I promise you, I'm
not going to eat it.

I promise you as a
husband and a gentleman.

My lips will not
touch this sandwich.

You're sure.

Okay...

because the lips that touch this
sandwich will never touch mine.

Well, you know,
Denise, at every college

they bring all the freshmen into
this big room, where they tell you,

"Now, look to your left
and look to your right.

Those people won't be
here when you graduate."

Wait, won't some of
them be looking at me?

Yes.

So why should I bother
even showing up?

Well, Denise, if you work
really hard at Hillman,

you'll do fine.

We grew fungus like
this in my biology class.

Hi, everybody.

All right, can I have
some? Hi, Dad.

What? No, no. This is for Denise

before you go
away to college. Oh.

Thank you. However, I'll share.

All right. Here.

Dad?

Well, I really shouldn't.

Uh... No, no. Thank you.

Dad! Hmm?

This is one of your
special sandwiches.

We always share these.

Well, maybe just
a good-bye bite.

Just have a good-bye
bite to you... and...

to say good-bye...

- I don't believe you.
- You don't believe what?

- You are so pitiful.
- I didn't do anything.

You couldn't even
last five minutes.

Why? What's going on?

[Cliff] Well... You're
father has promised me

that he is gonna give up
certain foods for one day.

Yeah, but...

And the reason he's doing it is
because a friend of ours, Bob Ramsey,

who is the same
age as your dad...

No, no, we're not the same age.

I'm sorry,

he's a year older
than your father...

[Cliff chuckles] has
developed a heart problem.

And we think it's because of
the types of foods that he eats.

Oh.

Foods that your
father has promised me

he is going to try
to avoid for one day.

Seems to me like he's
gonna need a little help.

I don't need help. I have will.

Yes, darling.
The will is strong,

but the flesh is weak.

Well, I have an idea, Mom.

Oh, no. [muttering]

Why don't we make a list

of all the foods that
Dad shouldn't have...

[Clair] Yeah... and
then if any of us

sees him eating
anything from that list,

we should tell him to stop.

Why don't we make a list of
how you can get out of this house.

Sondra, I think
that's a great idea.

No, wait a minute. Why is
everyone picking on me?

They're the ones
eating the sandwich.

Because they're
going to eat one quarter

of what you were
gonna eat all of,

and who knows what you're
gonna put in your mouth next,

'cause you've never been full.

Nice home.

Hey, dinner ready, Ma?

Vanessa, do you have to wear
those sunglasses in the house?

Yeah.

Mom.

Now do you have to wear them?

It just does not pay to
look cool in this house.

Mom? Yes?

I need to borrow
some of your luggage.

What do you need?
All your suitcases.

Why? I thought you were
putting everything in your trunk.

No, no. I'm not
taking that trunk.

Theo opened one of the drawers,

found a skeleton of
a dead frog in there.

Eww, you're not leaving
that frog in my room, are you?

No, Theo took the skeleton
over to Cockroach's house.

Okay, honey, we'll
find something for you.

Here, take this. Okay.

When do we eat?

Right now, and you can tell
everyone that dinner is ready.

Dinner's ready!

Oh, Rudy, I could
have done that myself.

Oh, smells good.

Yes, bring on the grub.

Better enjoy it, Denise.

You're not gonna get
food like that in a dorm.

She's welcome home anytime.

Where's Theo?

He's over at Cockroach's.
He said he's gonna be late,

so we could start without him.

[Vanessa] Hey, chicken!

- And mashed potatoes.
- [Cliff] Oh, yes.

Okeydokey.

That's not for us, Cliff. Hmm?

We're having salads.

Salad, sure. Love salad.

So we'll have the salad,

then we'll have the chicken
and the mashed potatoes.

No, Cliff, the
salad is the dinner.

Just for today.

- Just for today?
- Uh-huh.

All right, nothing
wrong with that.

Just for today, a little salad.

That'd be nice.

Mom, can I have some chicken?

Mm-hmm.

Sorry, Dad.

It's okay.

Stop! No salt!

That's right. It's on the list.

I did it. Force of habit.

Thank you, Rudy.

- Anytime, Dad.
- Mm-hmm.

Dad, I'm really happy
that you've decided

to try and change
your eating habits

I hope you're
going to stick to it.

Absolutely.

Good. Because men your age,

in their upper-middle years,

have to monitor both their salt
intake and their cholesterol level.

In fact, studies show that if you lower
your cholesterol intake by 25 percent,

you reduce the risk of having
a heart attack by 50 percent.

Where'd you learn that?

From my nutrition class.

We also learned that
men in Dad's age group

should have a cholesterol
level of around 200 milligrams.

Yeah? What's yours, Dad?

One milligram.

Your father's cholesterol
level is normal.

Well, I think Dad should be
allowed to eat whatever he wants to.

You do?

I say, if you're
gonna go, go happy.

May I... [clears throat]

May I have some
dressing, please?

It's on there.

No. No, I mean the kind
of dressing you can see.

I can't see the dressing.

Cliff, there's dressing on there. There's
lemon juice and a splash of olive oil.

No, I'm talking about dressing.

You know, something
that's creamy and cheesy,

and... and I can see it.

See, I can't see splashes.

Don't worry about it.
I've got something better.

This is herbal seasoning.

This will bring out the
natural flavor in your food

without salt or chemicals.

[Theo] Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

- Hey.
- Cockroach's mom made

this great Caribbean dinner,

and she would not let
me leave till I had some.

What did Cockroach's mom make?

Well, it's called poulpeta,
and it's delicious.

It's a sausage that's made

from beef and
pork and... and ham

and onions and boiled eggs.

Mmm, it was unbelievable.

I'm gonna go finish packing.

- Oh, I'll give you a hand.
- Oh, great.

Who would like to
help with the dishes?

- I do!
- I'll help.

No, Theo. Come here. I
wanna show you something.

Sure. Mom, I'll be right there.

Okay.

What did you want
to show me, Dad?

This.

It's empty.

Dad, you had a big salad.

I want some food.

Sustenance.

Now.

Well, what can I do about it?

I want you to go over
to Cockroach's house.

And I want you to ask his
mother if she will make...

a little serving for
me... of the, uh...

The poulpeta.

Poulpeta.

Poul-peta.

You mean with
the... with the ham

[both] and the
pork and the onions

and the sauce.

Well, Dad, I'm not
sure if I should do this.

Oh, you should. You should.

But Dad, isn't it...
Isn't it dishonest?

Yes.

Dad, Mom may not
like me to do this.

You're getting a driver's
license this year, right?

Well, yeah.

And you're going to need a car,
and Denise won't be here, right?

Right.

Now, you bring the poulpeta,

and you and I can discuss

borrowing Denise's car.

You got it, Dad. No, no, look.

I'll be down in
my office. Hurry!

Okay.

[knocking on door]

Mr. Poulpeta?

[Theo with accent] Si, papacita.

Come in. Come in.

There you go.

Oh, this is fabulous. Did
anybody see you come down here?

Nope. Came
through the front door

and got down here
as fast as possible.

All right.

Oh, sustenance. Thank you, my...

Dad, we don't have to
talk about Denise's car.

We don't? Why?

Well, I asked her
before about borrowing it,

and she said no.

But I brought you
the food anyway,

because I've never seen
you look so desperate.

Son, that's about
to end right now.

[knocking on door]

[Clair] Cliff?

Yes?

[Clair] Honey? Denise needs

some help getting her
suitcases downstairs.

I'll be up in a minute, dear!

Thank you.

Oh, and Cliff?

Walter's mother called and asked
if you are enjoying your poulpeta.

Are you enjoying your poulpeta?

I have no idea what
you're talking about!

And Theo, are you in there, too?

Kind of.

Son, when you're
done running around

like a little rat taking people
food they're not supposed to have,

I'll need your assistance, too.

Thank you.

Dad?

I think I am gonna need
that car to get out of town.

I'll drive.

I feel like we're
all going away.

We all can't be going away,

because if we were,
there'd be less luggage.

Dad, when are we getting
Denise's trunk out of my room?

As soon as we get back
from the airport, okay?

Good, because when I
think of what was in it...

But even if you get it out,

your room may still be
haunted by the frog's ghost.

Frog ghost? [chuckles]

No, Rudy. Dad was just kidding.

Okay, guys, get ready.
I'll bring the car around.

Wow, I didn't realize
I packed so much.

Well, there's nothing
left but our furniture.

[both chuckling]

You know, actually, I
could use this couch.

Sure, if you wanna carry it.

Maybe when I come
home next time.

And I'm planning
to come home a lot.

You better. I am.

Virginia's only an
hour away by plane.

Denise, there's one thing.

Before you leave, your father's gonna
take you aside to give you a little talk.

Just like he did with Sondra.

And he's gonna say to you,

"I feel like I'm forgetting
to tell you something.

I feel like I'm forgetting
to tell you something."

He's gonna say that
over and over again.

Just listen to him,

and you'll understand
what he means.

Okay. [chuckles]

I want you to know...

that I am very proud of you.

I'm gonna miss you.

Not because I love you...

but because I like you.

I like you, too.

Come on, you two. Dad
says we're gonna be late.

All right, let's go.

All right, I'll be right there.

[whispering] Clair.

Clair. Hmm?

I was wondering if there was
something I forgot to tell Denise.

No, honey, you
told her everything.

I did? Mm-hmm.

I wanted to thank you for today.

The diet.

I'm telling you, my blood

flows through my
veins clear and pure.

And I feel healthier...

and hungry.

I want a snack.

Please? Can I have a snack?

I thought you
might feel this way.

Have I got something for you.

[clicks tongue] Oh, yeah.

Yes, man of iron.

Ta-da! What is it?

Delicious rice cakes.

Thirty-five calories, Cliff.

Zero salt, zero fat,
zero cholesterol.

Zero taste.

The air in my mouth
tastes better than this.

[chuckling]

This is not right, dear.

I want something I can savor,
something with some flavor.

All right, honey. Okay.

You can have those
foods that you like.

- I can?
- Sure you can.

But you can't go overboard.

No. Oh. Tomorrow, poulpeta.

No, no, no. I must have...

[knocking on door] Yes?

Now, what are you
doing out of bed?

I can't sleep. Vanessa's
not in my room.

Well, are you afraid?

No, I miss her breathing.

Wanna come in here with us?

Yeah.

Daddy, you're eating in bed.

It's all right. It's
not real food.

Can I have it? Yeah.

I like these, but
they're not as good

as the chocolate chip cookies
Mommy left in my room.

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