The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 3, Episode 21 - I Know That You Know - full transcript

♪♪ [theme]

♪♪ [singing in Spanish]

♪♪ [ends]

Ha ha! It's here.

What?

Some things I sent away for.

Did I get any mail?

Rudy, you always ask me that,
and what do I always tell you?

"No." Well?

Well, did I get any mail?

No, but look what I got.



Bag-O-Gags. What?

Bag-O-Gags. You see,
there was an ad in a magazine,

and they showed all these tricks
and jokes you can pull on your friends.

They have some
really funny stuff in here.

Look at this one.

What is it?

It's an ice cube
with a fly in it.

You see, you put this
in somebody's drink,

and they think there's a
real fly in there. [laughs]

That's not funny.

Yes, it is, Rudy. You're
just too young to understand.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry
I said that, Rudy.

[buzz] Aah!

Ha ha! It's a joy buzzer. Ha ha!



That wasn't funny, either.

Rudy, are you kidding?

This is hilarious!

The ad in the
magazine was right.

I'm gonna have hours and
hours of fun with this. [chuckles]

Ah. Beautiful. Rudy, do
you know what this is?

A pack of gum?

A pack of gum. That's what
you're supposed to think.

This is actually trick gum.

When you chew
it, it tastes like dirt.

[laughs] Eww.

[Vanessa] Theo! Down here!

Come on, we're gonna get
Vanessa to chew this gum.

Now, that's funny.

Now, pretend
like you're chewin'.

Theo, I'm having trouble
with an algebra problem.

Could you help me?

Sure. Mmm, this gum is
good, isn't it? Delicious.

Mmm. Want some, Vanessa?

What kind is it?

Well, it's a spearmint-peppermint
type thing, and it's sugarless.

Okay, I'll have some.

Mmm. Isn't this the best-tasting
gum you ever tasted?

Absolute.

Mmm.

Ohhhh!

Ha ha ha!

Tastes like dirt!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

What is wrong with you people?

This is so immature.

Wait. Vanessa, you
should've seen your face.

"Ohh! It tastes like dirt!"

Ha ha ha ha!

Wait. Where's Mom?

I think she's in the
kitchen. Ah, great.

You're not gonna give
her that gum, are you?

No. I got somethin' better.

Hi, Mom.

[Rudy] Hi. Hi.

You know, we were
just in there talking

about how great a mom you are.

Really? Yeah.

And we really appreciated you
taking us to the movies last night.

You're welcome.

You know, you're doing

an excellent job as a
mother, and we look forward

to many more years
as your children.

Well, thanks... [buzz]

Ooh!

[both laugh]

That was tremendous!

Yeah, I gotta admit, you
got me good with that one.

Yeah. You see, I got it
from the Bag-O-Gags.

I sent away for it.

You know what? We
should get your dad.

Yeah! Yeah!

Let's do it!

Cliff!

[Cliff] Hey!

Honey, could you
come downstairs?

Be right down, toots!

Theo, give him the
gum that tastes like dirt.

[Theo] Yeah!

You have gum
that tastes like dirt?

Yeah. It's awful.

It's perfect.

Rudy, you know what to do.

Yeah?

Oh, I was just wondering

if we should have
fish for dinner.

That's fine with me, dear.

This gum is good, isn't it?

Delicious.

Dad, you want some?

Okay. Thank you.

I don't want a whole stick.

I'll just take a half stick.

I already have some.

Me, too!

Vanessa?

Oh, I had some
earlier. It was very good.

Clair?

Oh, thank you.

I'd love half.

Uh-huh.

Aren't you gonna chew it, dear?

Oh, I'm gonna save it for later.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Ha... ha... ha.

Okay. Okay.

Let's have the story on the gum.

What is it? What is it?
Does it turn your teeth green?

Does it explode in your mouth,

or it all hot peppers
inside? What is it?

It tastes like dirt!

You all are the saddest
bunch of sorry people

I've ever seen in my life,

think you could pull
somethin' on me.

You'll never pull nothin' on me
because I'm smart, that's why.

No, Dad, you're right.

You better believe it.

And we never should've
tried this in the first place.

That is correct.

No hard feelings. Right?

No. Of course no hard feelings.

All right, put 'er there.

All right.

You want to know somethin'?

[buzz]

This is sad. This is really sad.

Do you know, I had these things

39 years ago, man.

You can't fool
me with this stuff.

But how'd you know h e had it?

Because I know
all and I see all.

You all can't fool me.

Ha ha! Oh, will
you look at this?

They're in your bulbs!

What?! Ah, ha ha!

I got you! I got...

I gotcha, gotcha,
gotcha, gotcha, gotcha,

gotcha. I gotcha.

I'm so good, I don't even
know what to do with myself.

Are you ready?

Ready.

Mom? Dad?

Sondra?

Elvin. What are you doing here?

Oh, we thought we'd
just come home for a visit.

Well, I'm so glad you did.

Is Dad here? No.

He's at the hospital.
He had to make rounds.

Well, we'd better wait, then.

Wait for what?

Well, we were going
to tell you something,

but we'd rather wait
until you're both together.

Well, why? Is it so bad
that you want to wait,

or is it so good that
you want to wait?

It's so good.

Oh, okay. So, why don't you

just take your things upstairs?

And I'm gonna go in
here and make some tea.

And I can't wait, so you gonna
have to tell me what it is now.

But Dad isn't here.

I don't care. I
want to know now.

We're engaged.

Sondra.

I love it! [laughs]

Oh, my baby!

My baby, my baby.

Aaahh! Ha ha! I'm so happy!

Oh, Mom, I'm so happy.

Oh, I'm so happy!

I'm so happy, too.

Ohhh...

Oh, Elvin. Where's the ring?

It's still in the box, actually.

I wasn't going to wear it until
we told both of our parents.

Oh, have you told your parents?

Yes. We were just at my house.

My mother cried.

Oh, I'm gonna call
your mother now.

Sondra! Elvin!

What are you doin' here?!

Well, we just came home to
announce our engagement!

You're getting married?!

Oh, I know! Aaahh!

Elvin, congratulations.

Thank you. [buzz]

I gotcha! I got ya!

Hey, what's goin' on?

Sondra and Elvin
just got engaged.

So?

Theo, aren't you excited?
They're getting married.

Well, it's about time.

Theo!

[chuckling] I'm just
kidding, Sondra.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Elvin, congratulations.

Uhh... mmm.

I had to check. Rudy got me.

Real good.

Listen, Francine, we'll
get together very soon.

We have a lot to talk about.

Yeah. Okay, I'll
see you. Bye-bye.

I can't wait till Dad gets
home so that we can tell him.

- Dad doesn't know?
- No.

[chuckles mischievously]

What?

We finally know
something that Dad doesn't.

Yeah!

Now, wait a minute.

We can't keep this
information from your father.

Well, Mom, I'm not
sayin' keep it from him.

For once, we know
something he doesn't.

Now, there's gotta be a way
to use this to get even with him.

What are you guys talking about?

This morning, Dad said
we could never fool him,

no matter how hard we try.

Yeah, and he called us
a bunch of sorry people.

You want to use our engagement

to try to trick Dr. Huxtable?

Yeah!

I think it's a great idea.

[all talk excitedly]

Now, wait a minute, now. This
is a good time for our family.

It's precious. We
should cherish it.

We can't use this to
play a trick on your father.

Although we really could
get him real good this time.

Yeah! Yeah!

Let's do it!

Okay! Okay!

Cliff? Yeah?

Honey, I can't find my stapler.

Do you have one
down in your office?

Yeah.

Would you mind
getting it for me?

If I can have a kiss.

You have one.

Ha ha ha!

Mmm.

[humming cheerfully]

Thank you.

[whispering] Elvin!

Elvin!

Quick. He's on his
way down to his office.

Okay, I'm on my way.

Now you know what to say and do.

Absolutely. Elvin, make sure

that he comes to
me to talk about it.

I will. And, Elvin... Yes.

The best way to get
him to do what you want

is to compliment his wisdom.

He's a sucker for that.

[knock knock]

Dr. Huxtable. Elvin.

Glad I found you. I need
to speak to you alone.

What's on your mind? This.

It's a ring.

An engagement ring.

Well, Elvin, I'm...
I'm already married.

[chuckles]

Hmm. It's not for
you, sir. It's for Sondra.

Really? My...

[chuckles]

My little Sondra.

Yes, sir.

I... want to propose
to her tonight.

What do you think?

I think that, uh...

Sondra is a wonderful woman,

and I think that
you're a good man.

[snap]

And you have my blessings.

Thank you... Dad.

Now. About Mrs. Huxtable.

What about Mrs. Huxtable?

Well, in the past, I've said
some pretty stupid things to her

about men being
superior to women.

Yes. Yes, you have.

Yes. They've made
her very angry.

Well... I mean, that
was a long time ago,

and you've changed considerably,

and I think Mrs. Huxtable

will let bygones be bygones.

Maybe, sir, but I'm
still afraid to ask her.

You see, if I say
something stupid now,

it could really mess things
up for Sondra and me.

That's why I came
to see you first.

You have to go to Mrs. Huxtable

and get her blessing for me.

If anyone knows the right
thing to say to her, it's you.

You know everyone
in this family so well.

Sometimes you amaze me.

I do?

Yes. You possess a
tremendous amount

of... wisdom.

Elvin...

you made the right move
when you came to me.

You see, I know how
to handle Mrs. Huxtable.

There's a special
little thing I do.

I... I take her feet,
and I... I massage 'em.

So, I think you ought

to just, uh, let me handle it.

I'll see if I can pave the
road for you and Sondra.

Are you sure you can do it?

I'm sorry, sir.

Mom?

Yes?

I have a favor to ask.

Anything.

Well, it would mean a lot
to me if I could get married

in the dress that you
wore on your wedding day.

You want to wear my dress?

Yes.

Oh, baby! My baby!

Yes, you can wear my dress!

Hi.

How'd it go with
Dad? I was great.

He fell for
everything. So, did you

tell him that you were worried
about getting my permission?

Yes, but he told me not to
worry because he can handle you.

Really!

Where is the man?

He's downstairs
planning his strategy.

He'll be up in a minute.

I'll be waiting.

Mrs. Huxtable?

Yes?

I'm new to this family.

Do you think it's all right
that I'm tricking your husband?

Oh, Elvin, it's all right.

And it's fun.

Darling? Yes?

♪ Brought the stapler ♪

Well, thank you.

Yes.

Um, is there room
on the sofa for me?

Oh, I'll make room for you.

[sweetly] Thank you.

Now, what are you doin'
all the way over there?

You know what. Put 'em up here.

And to what do I owe
this lovely pampering?

Oh, just credit it to the
fact that you are beautiful.

Keep talking.

You know, I was
thinkin' about Elvin.

Yeah? What were
you thinking about him?

Well... I was
just... supposing...

uh... what would happen

if he asked Sondra to marry him.

Never. Never?

Never! I say never would I
allow such a thing to happen!

Yeah, but, Clair... Never!

Not while I'm livin'. Not
even when I'm dead.

Yeah, but, honey... Never.

Uh, no. It's, uh... No. No.

No. I have spent my entire life

waiting for Sondra
to dump that boy.

Yeah, but you haven't spent
your entire life with Elvin.

Come on.

Well, it feels like it. Yeah...

The boy's attitudes towards
women are downright primitive.

He thinks that the
man is the king.

The woman is
supposed to sit there

and just fulfill his every
wish and command. No!

No. But the... the boy's
changed considerably

since those times. And...
And look at what you did,

how you changed me.

I do not want Sondra to go
through what I went through with you!

But I wasn't...

All I'm just sayin' is I
just said "Suppose."

Cliff, you can suppose
all you like. Okay?

But if that boy ever asks
my daughter to marry him,

it will be the last
words he utters.

Hey, Dad.

Did you talk to Mrs. Huxtable?

Yeah. I think you better elope.

Why? What's the matter?

You just have to give Mrs.
Huxtable more time, that's all.

How much?

Well, more time than
you have, I would imagine.

I don't understand, Dr. Huxtable.
You said you could handle it.

You said you knew her
better than she knew herself.

Yeah, well, I... I do, except
when your name comes up.

Then... Then I don't know my
wife at all. I'm really... I'm sorry.

Dr. Huxtable, I hate
to say this, but...

you really let me down. Yes.

Yes. Yes. But... But there's
gotta be somethin' we can do.

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to stand
up to Mrs. Huxtable.

Well, I don't think
you want to do that.

Tonight, at dinner, I'm going
to ask Sondra to marry me

whether Mrs.
Huxtable likes it or not.

Yeah, well, okay. Come...
Come here. Sit... Sit down, Son.

Sit down. Sit... Sit down here.

Now... I think there's
something that we could do.

We got one last
shot before dinner.

I'll do anything. Okay.

How do you really
feel about women?

I... I gotta have the truth.

I feel that women
are equal to men.

Do you believe a
woman could be CEO...

could be president
of a corporation?

Could be president
of the United States?

Of course. You believe that.

Yes. You wouldn't
have a problem with it.

No. She could be an
astronaut by herself.

I don't understand.

You know... fly to the moon
in a spaceship by herself.

By herself! Yes!
Yes. Come on, now.

We're gonna go in here,
and we'll tell Mrs. Huxtable.

Dear? Hmm?

I want you to hear something.

You should've heard the
things that this young man

was saying in the living room.

Go ahead. Tell Mrs. Huxtable

what you were saying.
I was just saying

to Dr. Huxtable
that I firmly believe

in the equality between
men and women.

There you go. Really?

Yes. And what else?

Well, uh, it is also
my sincere opinion

that a woman can do anything

There you go. On her own.

What else?

A woman can fly to the moon

without the help of any man.

There you go.

Well, Elvin, thank you

very much for sharing
this attitude with me.

That attitude came from
the bottom of my heart.

I'll see you at dinner.

[Cliff] All right, Elvin!

Now... wasn't that wonderful?

And... And... And sincere.

Sincere.

I... I am amazed.

Yes. Good.

I am amazed at how that
boy could stand in my kitchen

in front of my face
and lie to me like that.

He wasn't lyin'.

- He is nothing but a big fake.
- No.

And you are with him.

I'm with him?!

Let the record show

that if the boy so much
as opens his mouth

at dinner tonight,

I will throw him so
far from this house

he'll forget the address.

No, Denise, we
haven't set a date yet.

But you'll be the first to
know because I want you to be

my maid of honor.

[laughs]

I know. It is exciting.

Oh, okay. I'll
talk to you later.

Bye.

Was Denise surprised?

She screamed, "My
sister's getting married!"

to the entire dorm. [laughs]

Are you gonna
have a big wedding?

Well, yeah, we'd like to if
Mom and Dad say it's okay.

We figure the more, the merrier.

How's everybody doing?

Fine. Fine. Where's Dad?

He went to the hospital.

Oh, you should've
seen him before he left.

He was pathetic.

He was begging me to
give Elvin my permission.

Begging.

[Theo] This is the greatest
thing we've ever done.

[Vanessa] Yeah. Dad
is gonna be so faked out.

[Clair] Well, he's had
it comin' a long time.

[Sondra] I can't wait to see
Dad's face at dinner tonight.

[Theo] Yeah. Dad won't
even know what hit him.

[Elvin] I must admit,
I did an excellent job

of faking him out.

[Clair] Well, now, listen.

At dinner tonight,
this is very important.

Everybody, remember. You
must keep a straight face.

Do not laugh.

We don't want your
father to suspect a thing.

[Sondra] This is
gonna be unbelievable!

[laughter]

He'll be sorry he
ever called us sorry!

[laughter]

Okay. Right before
I serve dessert,

Elvin, you're gonna
propose to Sondra.

I'm gonna stand up and say, "Never
will I allow this marriage to take place!"

And, Sondra, you're
gonna stand up and say,

"But, Mom, you can't
do this. We're in love."

[faking crying]

[Sondra] I'll make
it real emotional.

[Elvin] Maybe I
should start crying.

[Clair] Do that!

That's perfect. Do that.

And this way, when
I throw you out,

Dr. Huxtable will feel so badly.

[Theo, laughing] Yeah.

Maybe we shouldn't do this. I
mean, we're being awfully cruel to Dad.

But you know what?
He deserves this.

Okay. Now, after

I throw Elvin out, we'll all
turn to your father and say,

"Gotcha!"

- All right.
- Let's get ready.

- All right.
- Remember,

keep a straight face.

[Theo] This is gonna be
a night Dad will not forget.

[all laugh]

Excellent meal.

Yes, it was.

One of the finest meals
I've ever had in this house.

Well, everybody,
dessert is served.

Dessert, too?

Yes. Homemade apple pie.

Oh, no, no, no.
I... No, I can't.

I don't have room for apple pie.

I'm gonna go out
and walk this off.

Dad, you can't. Huh?

You can't. What do you mean?

We cannot have
dessert without you.

Yeah. It wouldn't be
the same. Please stay.

Please?

Oh... Oh, I'm... I'm
touched by this...

that my family
would want me here.

Okay. Have a seat.

[Clair] I'll serve.

Before you do that,
Mrs. Huxtable...

there's something
I'd like to say.

Uh, sit down. Sit down.

- Pardon me?
- Sit down!

- But I was going to...
- No!

Sit down and shut up!

Now. Um... I have
something to say.

Th-This is a very sad occasion

because something that
was supposed to happen

isn't going... to happen.

- Dr. Huxtable...
- N... Shut... up!

You been comin' to this
house for a long, long time, man,

and every time you come here,

you bring nothing
but turmoil and havoc!

But thanks to Mrs. Huxtable,

who was the only one
who could see through...

your little trifling ways...

and because of
her... because of her,

- I can see clearly who you are.
- Wait. Wait.

- Cliff, wait a minute.
- And you are not... Shut up!

Wait a minute. Please?

You have a problem?

Now... I'm tellin' you,
right, as a matter of fact,

you are leavin' this
house right now.

Let's go! You're
leavin' this house right...

- But...
- No! You're leaving!

You want to know why?!

Because I gotcha! Ha!

I gotcha!

Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha!

No, no, no, no, no, no!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whoo. "We're gonna get
Dad! I'm gonna get Dad!"

You'll get nobody tonight.

Bam!

Now... come on.

Mwah! My boy.

Come on, sit down here.

And, you, sit down,

and you propose to my daughter

and do it right.

You were listening.

No. A little birdie told me.

Now, go ahead and
propose to my daughter.

[everybody oohs]

[Clair] Mmm... [Others]
Mmm... Sondra.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

[Cliff] Ha ha!

[cheering]

[Clair] Ohhh... Elvin.

Welcome to the family.

That is, if you still
want to be a part of it.

I definitely do.

Well... I have something to say.

Oh, my goodness. Here we go.

Elvin, you are
marrying my oldest child,

the one who's been
with me the longest.

And I want you to
know that you're getting

a very special person here.

But what really makes me happy

is that Sondra is getting

a very special person, too.

Thank you.

- [chuckles]
- [Sondra chuckles]

Dr. Huxtable...

I hope you're not
too angry with me

for trying to pull a
joke on you like that.

Aw, no, no,
Elvin. It's all right.

[buzz]

[all laugh]

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The Cosby Show

was taped before
a studio audience.