The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 1, Episode 9 - How Ugly Is He? - full transcript

[MUSIC]

HELLO? MRS. RAMOS IS
HERE? SHE'S NOT DUE HERE

MRS. RAMOS IS HERE? SHE'S
NOT DUE HERE 'TIL NEXT WEEK.

SHE'S NOT DUE HERE 'TIL
NEXT WEEK. OKAY, SEND HER IN.

'TIL NEXT WEEK. OKAY,
SEND HER IN. >> MRS. RAMOS.

OKAY, SEND HER IN. >> MRS. RAMOS.
DOCTOR, IT'S BEEN 9 MONTHS

MRS. RAMOS. >> DOCTOR,
IT'S BEEN 9 MONTHS AND A 1 WEEK.

DOCTOR, IT'S BEEN 9 MONTHS
AND A 1 WEEK. TAKE IT OUT NOW.

AND A 1 WEEK. TAKE IT
OUT NOW. >> MRS. RAMOS,

TAKE IT OUT NOW. >> MRS.
RAMOS, YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT.

MRS. RAMOS, YOU HAVE TO BE
PATIENT. >> DOCTOR, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING



YOU HAVE TO BE PATIENT. >> DOCTOR,
I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO EXPLODE.

DOCTOR, I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO
EXPLODE. >> I'VE NEVER HAD A PATIENT

TO EXPLODE. >> I'VE NEVER
HAD A PATIENT EXPLODE ON ME.

I'VE NEVER HAD A PATIENT EXPLODE
ON ME. >> THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH.

EXPLODE ON ME. >> THIS HAS GONE ON
LONG ENOUGH. I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TO

THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH. I AM
GOING TO THE HOSPITAL TO HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.

I AM GOING TO THE HOSPITAL
TO HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. COME ON.

HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.
COME ON. LET'S GO.

COME ON. LET'S GO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,

LET'S GO. >> NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, YOU CAN'T GO NOW.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, YOU CAN'T GO
NOW. I WANT YOU TO JUST HAVE A SIT

YOU CAN'T GO NOW. I WANT
YOU TO JUST HAVE A SIT DOWN.

I WANT YOU TO JUST HAVE A
SIT DOWN. JUST HAVE A SIT DOWN,

DOWN. JUST HAVE A SIT
DOWN, MRS. RAMOS, PLEASE.



JUST HAVE A SIT DOWN, MRS.
RAMOS, PLEASE. >> I CAN'T.

MRS. RAMOS, PLEASE. >> I CAN'T.
OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

I CAN'T. >> OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU
MEAN. HERE LOOK, JUST DO LIKE THIS.

OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. HERE
LOOK, JUST DO LIKE THIS. I UNDERSTAND.

HERE LOOK, JUST DO LIKE THIS. I
UNDERSTAND. YOU JUST COME PUT YOUR HANDS

I UNDERSTAND. YOU JUST COME
PUT YOUR HANDS HERE, SEE?

YOU JUST COME PUT YOUR HANDS HERE,
SEE? THEN, YOU PUT IT DOWN AND FEET

HERE, SEE? THEN, YOU PUT IT DOWN AND
FEET GO OUT AND LEAN BACK AND THERE

THEN, YOU PUT IT DOWN AND FEET GO OUT
AND LEAN BACK AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, AH!

GO OUT AND LEAN BACK AND THERE
YOU HAVE IT, AH! TRY IT, TRY IT, TRY IT.

YOU HAVE IT, AH! TRY IT, TRY IT,
TRY IT. PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.

TRY IT, TRY IT, TRY IT. PUT YOUR
HANDS DOWN. THERE YOU GO.

PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN. THERE YOU
GO. NOW, LOWER IT, LOWER, THERE YOU

THERE YOU GO. NOW, LOWER
IT, LOWER, THERE YOU GO, AH!

NOW, LOWER IT, LOWER, THERE YOU
GO, AH! YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER?

GO, AH! YOU FEEL A LITTLE
BETTER? >> MMM HMM.

YOU FEEL A LITTLE BETTER? >>
MMM HMM. >> NOW, LET ME TELL YOU

MMM HMM. >> NOW, LET
ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

NOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
YOU'RE READY AND I'M READY.

SOMETHING. YOU'RE READY AND I'M
READY. THE HOSPITAL IS ALWAYS READY,

YOU'RE READY AND I'M READY. THE HOSPITAL
IS ALWAYS READY, BUT HE OR SHE IS NOT READY

THE HOSPITAL IS ALWAYS READY, BUT HE
OR SHE IS NOT READY AND THAT'S THE BOSS.

BUT HE OR SHE IS NOT READY AND THAT'S
THE BOSS. WE GO WHEN THE BOSS WANTS TO GO.

AND THAT'S THE BOSS. WE GO WHEN THE BOSS
WANTS TO GO. >> DOES THIS BABY KNOW WHAT IT'S

WE GO WHEN THE BOSS WANTS TO GO. >>
DOES THIS BABY KNOW WHAT IT'S DOING TO ME?

DOES THIS BABY KNOW WHAT IT'S
DOING TO ME? >> WHEN THIS BABY IS 13 YEARS

DOING TO ME? >> WHEN THIS BABY IS 13
YEARS OLD, YOU TELL THIS BABY WHAT IT

WHEN THIS BABY IS 13 YEARS OLD, YOU TELL THIS
BABY WHAT IT DID AND YOU WILL GET THE BEST

OLD, YOU TELL THIS BABY WHAT IT DID AND YOU
WILL GET THE BEST MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT YOU EVER

DID AND YOU WILL GET THE BEST MOTHER'S DAY
PRESENT YOU EVER GOT IN YOUR LIFE, OKAY?

MOTHER'S DAY PRESENT YOU EVER
GOT IN YOUR LIFE, OKAY? >> [LAUGHING]

GOT IN YOUR LIFE, OKAY? >>
[LAUGHING] DOCTOR, YOU'RE A NICE MAN.

[LAUGHING] DOCTOR, YOU'RE
A NICE MAN. >> THANK YOU.

DOCTOR, YOU'RE A NICE MAN. >>
THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE A HANDSOME MAN.

THANK YOU. >> YOU'RE A
HANDSOME MAN. >> THANK YOU.

YOU'RE A HANDSOME MAN. >>
THANK YOU. >> AND YOU'RE FULL OF IT.

THANK YOU. >> AND YOU'RE FULL
OF IT. >> OKAY, YOU FEEL BETTER?

AND YOU'RE FULL OF IT. >> OKAY, YOU FEEL
BETTER? >> I FEEL BETTER NOW, THANK YOU.

OKAY, YOU FEEL BETTER? >> I FEEL BETTER NOW,
THANK YOU. >> GOOD ENOUGH, AND I'LL SEE YOU

I FEEL BETTER NOW, THANK YOU. >>
GOOD ENOUGH, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

GOOD ENOUGH, AND I'LL SEE YOU
NEXT WEEK. >> HOPEFULLY SOONER.

NEXT WEEK. >> HOPEFULLY SOONER.
HOPEFULLY SOONER, BYE-BYE.

HOPEFULLY SOONER. >>
HOPEFULLY SOONER, BYE-BYE. >> BYE.

HOPEFULLY SOONER,
BYE-BYE. >> BYE. >> HELLO.

BYE. >> HELLO. >> HI.

HELLO. >> HI. IS
THIS ONE YOURS?

HI. IS THIS ONE YOURS?
I DON'T THINK SO BECAUSE

IS THIS ONE YOURS? >> I DON'T THINK SO
BECAUSE ONE OF MINE WOULD NOT COME

I DON'T THINK SO BECAUSE ONE OF MINE
WOULD NOT COME DOWNSTAIRS WITHOUT

ONE OF MINE WOULD NOT COME
DOWNSTAIRS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

DOWNSTAIRS WITHOUT
MY PERMISSION. >> BYE.

MY PERMISSION.
BYE. >> HI DAD.

BYE. >> HI DAD.
NOW VANESSA,

HI DAD. >> NOW VANESSA,
YOU KNOW THE RULES.

NOW VANESSA, YOU KNOW THE
RULES. YOU ARE NOT TO COME DOWN HERE

YOU KNOW THE RULES. YOU ARE NOT TO
COME DOWN HERE WHEN I AM WORKING.

YOU ARE NOT TO COME DOWN HERE WHEN I AM
WORKING. >> DAD, I CAME DOWN HERE BECAUSE

WHEN I AM WORKING. >> DAD, I CAME DOWN
HERE BECAUSE I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

DAD, I CAME DOWN HERE BECAUSE I'M
WORRIED ABOUT YOU. >> WORRIED ABOUT ME?

I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU. >> WORRIED
ABOUT ME? >> I MEAN DENISE WAS TALKING TO

WORRIED ABOUT ME? >> I MEAN DENISE WAS
TALKING TO THEO JUST NOW, AND YOU KNOW WHAT

I MEAN DENISE WAS TALKING TO THEO JUST
NOW, AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WAS SAYING?

THEO JUST NOW, AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WAS
SAYING? SHE WAS SAYING THAT WHENEVER HER

SHE WAS SAYING? SHE WAS SAYING THAT
WHENEVER HER BOYFRIENDS COME OVER, YOU'RE

SHE WAS SAYING THAT WHENEVER HER BOYFRIENDS
COME OVER, YOU'RE JUST TOO ROUGH ON 'EM.

BOYFRIENDS COME OVER, YOU'RE
JUST TOO ROUGH ON 'EM. >> ROUGH?

JUST TOO ROUGH ON 'EM. >>
ROUGH? >> I'M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT

ROUGH? >> I'M JUST
TELLING YOU WHAT I HEARD.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT
I HEARD. >> AH, MAKE YOURSELF

I HEARD. >> AH, MAKE
YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

AH, MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
SHE SAID THAT ONE BOY CAME

COMFORTABLE. >> SHE SAID
THAT ONE BOY CAME OVER.

SHE SAID THAT ONE BOY CAME
OVER. HE WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE IN

OVER. HE WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE
IN THE ROOM AND YOU ASKED MOM,

HE WAS STANDING RIGHT THERE IN THE
ROOM AND YOU ASKED MOM, "HOW UGLY IS HE?"

THE ROOM AND YOU ASKED MOM, "HOW
UGLY IS HE?" >> WELL, THE BOY WAS UGLY.

"HOW UGLY IS HE?" >> WELL, THE BOY WAS
UGLY. >> AND WHAT ABOUT THE BOY THAT

WELL, THE BOY WAS UGLY. >> AND WHAT ABOUT
THE BOY THAT CAME OVER, YOU MADE FUN OF HIS

AND WHAT ABOUT THE BOY THAT
CAME OVER, YOU MADE FUN OF HIS HAIRCUT?

CAME OVER, YOU MADE FUN OF HIS
HAIRCUT? >> THAT BOY HAD SHAVED A LANDING

HAIRCUT? >> THAT BOY HAD SHAVED A
LANDING STRIP ACROSS THE TOP OF HIS

THAT BOY HAD SHAVED A LANDING
STRIP ACROSS THE TOP OF HIS HEAD.

STRIP ACROSS THE TOP OF HIS
HEAD. >> HEY, I THINK IT'S FUNNY TOO.

HEAD. >> HEY, I THINK IT'S FUNNY
TOO. BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS, WHEN

HEY, I THINK IT'S FUNNY TOO. BUT LET ME ASK
YOU THIS, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT TO

BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU GOT TO MEET ONE OF DENISE'S BOYFRIENDS?

WAS THE LAST TIME YOU GOT TO MEET ONE OF
DENISE'S BOYFRIENDS? >> THE LANDING STRIP.

MEET ONE OF DENISE'S BOYFRIENDS? >> THE
LANDING STRIP. >> DAD, THERE HAS BEEN A COUPLE

THE LANDING STRIP. >> DAD, THERE
HAS BEEN A COUPLE MORE SINCE HIM.

DAD, THERE HAS BEEN A COUPLE MORE
SINCE HIM. >> SO, WHAT'D YOU COME DOWN HERE

MORE SINCE HIM. >> SO, WHAT'D
YOU COME DOWN HERE FOR?

SO, WHAT'D YOU COME DOWN HERE
FOR? >> BECAUSE DENISE HAS A NEW

FOR? >> BECAUSE DENISE
HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND.

BECAUSE DENISE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND.
HE'S REALLY NEAT AND HE'S SMART.

BOYFRIEND. HE'S REALLY NEAT AND
HE'S SMART. AH, HE'S AN ABSOLUTE FOX.

HE'S REALLY NEAT AND HE'S SMART. AH, HE'S AN
ABSOLUTE FOX. EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY'S MET HIM

AH, HE'S AN ABSOLUTE FOX. EVERYONE IN THE
FAMILY'S MET HIM EXCEPT YOU, EVEN THEODORE.

EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY'S MET HIM EXCEPT YOU,
EVEN THEODORE. >> THEODORE'S MET HIM AND

EXCEPT YOU, EVEN THEODORE. >>
THEODORE'S MET HIM AND I HAVEN'T?

THEODORE'S MET HIM AND
I HAVEN'T? >> I'M AFRAID SO.

I HAVEN'T? >> I'M AFRAID
SO. DAD, I HOPE THIS WASN'T

I'M AFRAID SO. DAD, I
HOPE THIS WASN'T SNITCHING.

DAD, I HOPE THIS WASN'T SNITCHING.
I'M REALLY TRYING TO CUT DOWN.

WHAT IS IT? >> A NEW VIDEO BY THE
MANIACS. >> WHY IS SHE HITTING HIM?

A NEW VIDEO BY THE MANIACS.
WHY IS SHE HITTING HIM? >> SHH.

WHY IS SHE HITTING HIM? >>
SHH. >> WHY IS HE BREAKING THE CAR

SHH. >> WHY IS HE
BREAKING THE CAR WINDOWS?

WHY IS HE BREAKING THE CAR
WINDOWS? >> RUDY, IF YOU UNDERSTOOD

WINDOWS? >> RUDY, IF YOU
UNDERSTOOD THE MANIACS, YOU WOULDN'T

RUDY, IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THE MANIACS,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK QUESTIONS.

THE MANIACS, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK
QUESTIONS. >> I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT YOU

HAVE TO ASK QUESTIONS. >> I TOLD YOU I
DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT THAT TRASH.

I TOLD YOU I DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT
THAT TRASH. ALL IT IS IS A NIGHTMARE PUT TO

LOOKING AT THAT TRASH. ALL IT
IS IS A NIGHTMARE PUT TO MUSIC.

ALL IT IS IS A NIGHTMARE PUT TO
MUSIC. >> IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THE

MUSIC. >> IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THE
MANIACS, YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

IF YOU UNDERSTOOD THE MANIACS, YOU WOULDN'T
SAY THAT. >> I UNDERSTAND FROM AN INSIDE

MANIACS, YOU WOULDN'T SAY THAT. >> I UNDERSTAND
FROM AN INSIDE SOURCE THAT DENISE HAS A NEW

I UNDERSTAND FROM AN INSIDE
SOURCE THAT DENISE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND.

SOURCE THAT DENISE HAS A NEW
BOYFRIEND. >> I'M NOT TALKING.

BOYFRIEND. >> I'M NOT
TALKING. >> [LAUGHING]

I'M NOT TALKING. >> [LAUGHING]
SO YOU'RE SWORN TO SECRECY, AH?

[LAUGHING] SO YOU'RE SWORN TO
SECRECY, AH? ALL I WANT IS HIS NAME.

SO YOU'RE SWORN TO SECRECY, AH? ALL I WANT
IS HIS NAME. >> DAD, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO

ALL I WANT IS HIS NAME. >> DAD,
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

DAD, PLEASE DON'T DO
THIS TO ME. DENISE'LL KILL ME.

ME. DENISE'LL KILL ME. >>
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

DENISE'LL KILL ME. >> WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO
TELL ME HIS NAME BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS

WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME HIS NAME BECAUSE
EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU CAN'T KEEP A SECRET.

HIS NAME BECAUSE EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU CAN'T KEEP A SECRET. LOOK AT YOUR FACE.

YOU CAN'T KEEP A SECRET. LOOK AT
YOUR FACE. IT'S SLIDING OUT OF YOUR FACE.

LOOK AT YOUR FACE. IT'S SLIDING
OUT OF YOUR FACE. >> IT'S DAVID JAMES.

IT'S SLIDING OUT OF YOUR FACE.
IT'S DAVID JAMES. >> RUDY!

IT'S DAVID JAMES. >> RUDY!
IT JUST SLID OUT OF MY FACE.

DAVID JAMES IS A NICE
BOY, HUH? >> ISN'T HE?

IS A NICE BOY, HUH? >> ISN'T
HE? WRITES POETRY, HE'S POLITE

ISN'T HE? WRITES POETRY, HE'S
POLITE AND GOOD LOOKING TOO.

WRITES POETRY, HE'S POLITE AND
GOOD LOOKING TOO. >> SO, YOU MET HIM.

AND GOOD LOOKING TOO.
SO, YOU MET HIM. >> YES.

SO, YOU MET HIM. >> YES. >>
RUDY'S MET HIM, VANESSA'S MET

YES. >> RUDY'S MET HIM,
VANESSA'S MET HIM, THEO'S MET HIM.

RUDY'S MET HIM, VANESSA'S MET HIM,
THEO'S MET HIM. SHE'S HIDING HIM FROM ME,

HIM, THEO'S MET HIM. SHE'S
HIDING HIM FROM ME, ISN'T SHE?

SHE'S HIDING HIM FROM ME, ISN'T
SHE? >> NOW, WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?

ISN'T SHE? >> NOW, WHY WOULD SHE
DO THAT? >> BECAUSE SHE THINKS I'M TOO

NOW, WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? >> BECAUSE SHE
THINKS I'M TOO ROUGH ON HIM, BUT I'M NOT.

BECAUSE SHE THINKS I'M TOO ROUGH ON HIM,
BUT I'M NOT. >> WELL OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT,

ROUGH ON HIM, BUT I'M NOT. >> WELL OF COURSE
YOU'RE NOT, BUT DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND

WELL OF COURSE YOU'RE NOT, BUT DOES
ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR: HOW UGLY IS HE?

BUT DOES ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR:
HOW UGLY IS HE? WHO IS HIS PAROLE OFFICER?

FAMILIAR: HOW UGLY IS HE? WHO IS HIS PAROLE
OFFICER? FACE IT, CLIFF, YOU ARE ROUGH.

WHO IS HIS PAROLE OFFICER? FACE IT, CLIFF,
YOU ARE ROUGH. >> NO, I AM NOT THAT ROUGH,

FACE IT, CLIFF, YOU ARE ROUGH. >>
NO, I AM NOT THAT ROUGH, HONEY.

NO, I AM NOT THAT ROUGH,
HONEY. >> WELL, WHAT ARE YOU?

HONEY. >> WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU? >> WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT IS

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU? >> WELL,
THE WAY I SEE IT IS I'M LIKE OLD YELLER.

WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT IS I'M LIKE OLD
YELLER. YOU KNOW THAT MOVIE "OLD YELLER"

I'M LIKE OLD YELLER. YOU KNOW THAT MOVIE
"OLD YELLER" WHERE THE DOG PROTECTED

YOU KNOW THAT MOVIE "OLD YELLER"
WHERE THE DOG PROTECTED THE HOME.

WHERE THE DOG PROTECTED THE
HOME. IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT THE HOME.

THE HOME. IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT
THE HOME. SO, I HAVE TO BARK, WOOF...

IT'S MY JOB TO PROTECT THE HOME. SO, I HAVE
TO BARK, WOOF... NOW, BOYS COME BY THE HOUSE

SO, I HAVE TO BARK, WOOF... NOW,
BOYS COME BY THE HOUSE AND I BARK.

NOW, BOYS COME BY THE HOUSE AND
I BARK. PRETTY SOON, BOYS COME BY

AND I BARK. PRETTY SOON, BOYS COME
BY AND THEY SAY, "OLD YELLER LIVES

PRETTY SOON, BOYS COME BY AND
THEY SAY, "OLD YELLER LIVES UP THERE."

AND THEY SAY, "OLD YELLER LIVES UP
THERE." AND ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT SOME

UP THERE." AND ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT
SOME GOOD ONES COME BY AND SOME BAD

AND ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT SOME GOOD ONES COME
BY AND SOME BAD ONES COME BY, BUT THAT'S WHO I

GOOD ONES COME BY AND SOME BAD ONES COME BY,
BUT THAT'S WHO I AM, OLD YELLER, THAT'S MY JOB.

ONES COME BY, BUT THAT'S WHO I AM, OLD YELLER,
THAT'S MY JOB. >> CLIFF, YOU KNOW AT THE END

AM, OLD YELLER, THAT'S MY JOB. >> CLIFF,
YOU KNOW AT THE END OF THAT MOVIE?

CLIFF, YOU KNOW AT THE END OF
THAT MOVIE? THEY SHOT OLD YELLER.

OF THAT MOVIE? THEY SHOT OLD YELLER.
"TOMORROW IS, TOMORROW WAS,

THEY SHOT OLD YELLER. >> "TOMORROW IS,
TOMORROW WAS, TOMORROW SHALL BE AN ETERNITY.

"TOMORROW IS, TOMORROW WAS, TOMORROW
SHALL BE AN ETERNITY. LOVE, DAVID."

TOMORROW SHALL BE AN
ETERNITY. LOVE, DAVID." >> WHO IS IT?

LOVE, DAVID." >> WHO IS
IT? >> IT'S YOUR FATHER.

WHO IS IT? >> IT'S
YOUR FATHER. >> COME IN.

IT'S YOUR FATHER.
COME IN. HI, DADDY.

COME IN. HI, DADDY. >> HI.

HI, DADDY. >> HI. >> WHAT?

HI. >> WHAT? >> I
WANT TO MEET DAVID.

WHAT? >> I WANT TO
MEET DAVID. >> WE BROKE UP.

I WANT TO MEET DAVID. >> WE BROKE
UP. >> NO NO NO NO, NOW LISTEN TO

WE BROKE UP. >> NO NO
NO NO, NOW LISTEN TO ME.

NO NO NO NO, NOW LISTEN TO
ME. I UNDERSTAND THAT I'VE BEEN

ME. I UNDERSTAND THAT I'VE
BEEN ROUGH AND FOR THAT, I'D LIKE

I UNDERSTAND THAT I'VE BEEN ROUGH
AND FOR THAT, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE.

ROUGH AND FOR THAT, I'D LIKE TO
APOLOGIZE. BUT I'VE HEARD SOME GOOD THINGS

TO APOLOGIZE. BUT I'VE HEARD SOME GOOD
THINGS ABOUT DAVID, SO LET ME ASK YOU

BUT I'VE HEARD SOME GOOD THINGS
ABOUT DAVID, SO LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.

ABOUT DAVID, SO LET ME ASK YOU
A QUESTION. >> HOW UGLY IS HE?

A QUESTION. >> HOW UGLY IS HE?
NO, NO LOOK, THAT'S ALL OVER,

HOW UGLY IS HE? >> NO, NO LOOK,
THAT'S ALL OVER, I'M TELLING YOU.

NO, NO LOOK, THAT'S ALL OVER, I'M TELLING
YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BRINGING

I'M TELLING YOU. WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT BRINGING HIM OVER FOR DINNER FRIDAY

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BRINGING
HIM OVER FOR DINNER FRIDAY NIGHT?

HIM OVER FOR DINNER
FRIDAY NIGHT? >> NO WAY.

NIGHT? >> NO WAY. >> OH COME ON.

NO WAY. >> OH COME ON. >> NO!

OH COME ON. >> NO! >>
YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR FATHER.

NO! >> YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR
FATHER. NOW, I'M TELLING YOU IF I

YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR FATHER. NOW, I'M TELLING
YOU IF I PROMISE YOU I'LL BEHAVE, THEN

NOW, I'M TELLING YOU IF I PROMISE YOU I'LL
BEHAVE, THEN YOU BRING HIM OVER AND YOU WILL

PROMISE YOU I'LL BEHAVE, THEN YOU BRING HIM
OVER AND YOU WILL SEE A MAN WHO IS AS GRACIOUS

YOU BRING HIM OVER AND YOU WILL SEE A MAN
WHO IS AS GRACIOUS AND AS COURTEOUS AND YOU

SEE A MAN WHO IS AS GRACIOUS AND AS
COURTEOUS AND YOU WILL LOOK AND YOU'LL SAY,

AND AS COURTEOUS AND YOU WILL
LOOK AND YOU'LL SAY, "IS THAT MY FATHER?"

WILL LOOK AND YOU'LL SAY,
"IS THAT MY FATHER?" HONEST.

"IS THAT MY FATHER?" HONEST.
OKAY, WE'LL EAT IN THE DINING

HONEST. OKAY, WE'LL
EAT IN THE DINING ROOM.

OKAY, WE'LL EAT IN THE DINING
ROOM. >> WE NEVER GET TO EAT

ROOM. >> WE NEVER GET
TO EAT IN THE DINING ROOM.

WE NEVER GET TO EAT IN THE
DINING ROOM. >> THAT'S RIGHT.

IN THE DINING ROOM. >> THAT'S
RIGHT. WE'LL HAVE DINNER IN THE DINING

THAT'S RIGHT. WE'LL HAVE
DINNER IN THE DINING ROOM.

WE'LL HAVE DINNER IN THE DINING
ROOM. I'LL BREAK OUT THE BEST CHINA.

ROOM. I'LL BREAK OUT THE BEST
CHINA. WE WILL HAVE LINEN NAPKINS TO

I'LL BREAK OUT THE BEST CHINA. WE WILL HAVE
LINEN NAPKINS TO DAB THE CORNER OF OUR MOUTHS,

WE WILL HAVE LINEN NAPKINS TO
DAB THE CORNER OF OUR MOUTHS, HUH?

DAB THE CORNER OF OUR MOUTHS,
HUH? AND IT WILL BE A TOTALLY

HUH? AND IT WILL BE A
TOTALLY ADULT EVENING.

AND IT WILL BE A TOTALLY
ADULT EVENING. >> OH RIGHT!

ADULT EVENING. >> OH RIGHT!
WITH THEO, VANESSA AND RUDY.

OH RIGHT! WITH THEO, VANESSA AND
RUDY. >> NO, NO ONE UNDER 16 ADMITTED.

WITH THEO, VANESSA AND RUDY. >>
NO, NO ONE UNDER 16 ADMITTED. >> HEY!

NO, NO ONE UNDER 16
ADMITTED. >> HEY! I'LL GO CALL DAVID.

HEY! I'LL GO
CALL DAVID. >> OKAY.

I'LL GO CALL DAVID.
OKAY. >> OKAY.

OKAY. >> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT.

LA, LA, LA, LA...

CLIFF, I'M HOME! >> OF COURSE YOU'RE
HOME! WHY ELSE WOULD YOU YELL YOU'RE

OF COURSE YOU'RE HOME! WHY ELSE WOULD
YOU YELL YOU'RE HOME IF YOU'RE NOT HOME?

WHY ELSE WOULD YOU YELL YOU'RE HOME IF
YOU'RE NOT HOME? >> MR. ARDOLF WALKED INTO MY

HOME IF YOU'RE NOT HOME? >> MR. ARDOLF WALKED
INTO MY OFFICE AT 5:00 ON A FRIDAY WITH

MR. ARDOLF WALKED INTO MY OFFICE AT 5:00
ON A FRIDAY WITH A BRIEF FOR ME TO REWRITE.

OFFICE AT 5:00 ON A FRIDAY WITH A BRIEF FOR
ME TO REWRITE. >> CLAIR, STOP, LOOK AND SMELL!

A BRIEF FOR ME TO REWRITE. >>
CLAIR, STOP, LOOK AND SMELL! >> OH MY!

CLAIR, STOP, LOOK AND SMELL! >>
OH MY! CLIFF'S SALISBURY STEAK DELIGHT,

OH MY! CLIFF'S SALISBURY STEAK
DELIGHT, RED BEANS AND RICE, TURNED OUT

CLIFF'S SALISBURY STEAK DELIGHT, RED BEANS
AND RICE, TURNED OUT WITH THE TURNIP GREENS!

RED BEANS AND RICE, TURNED OUT WITH
THE TURNIP GREENS! AND WHAT IS THAT?

WITH THE TURNIP GREENS! AND WHAT IS
THAT? >> CLIFF'S OWN DEEP-DISH SWEET

AND WHAT IS THAT? >> CLIFF'S OWN
DEEP-DISH SWEET POTATO COBBLER!

CLIFF'S OWN DEEP-DISH SWEET POTATO
COBBLER! >> THAT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR

POTATO COBBLER! >> THAT'S ANOTHER
ONE OF YOUR DESSERT MISTAKES, RIGHT?

THAT'S ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR
DESSERT MISTAKES, RIGHT? >> TRUST ME.

DESSERT MISTAKES, RIGHT?
TRUST ME. >> THE KITCHEN...

TRUST ME. >> THE
KITCHEN... >> IS SPOTLESS!

THE KITCHEN... >> IS
SPOTLESS! >> IS SPOTLESS.

IS SPOTLESS! >> IS SPOTLESS.
YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD COME

IS SPOTLESS. >> YOU THOUGHT YOU
WOULD COME HOME AND FIND GUNGA DIN, DIDN'T

YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD COME
HOME AND FIND GUNGA DIN, DIDN'T YOU?

HOME AND FIND GUNGA DIN,
DIDN'T YOU? >> I DID, I'M SORRY.

YOU? >> I DID, I'M SORRY.
DON'T LOOK OUT THERE?

I DID, I'M SORRY. >> DON'T
LOOK OUT THERE? >> OH CLIFF!

DON'T LOOK OUT THERE? >> OH
CLIFF! NOW, WHY IS THERE A PILE OF

OH CLIFF! NOW, WHY IS THERE
A PILE OF DIRTY POTS AND PANS IN

NOW, WHY IS THERE A PILE OF DIRTY
POTS AND PANS IN THE BACKYARD?

DIRTY POTS AND PANS IN THE
BACKYARD? >> BECAUSE IT CAME DOWN TO

THE BACKYARD? >> BECAUSE IT CAME
DOWN TO EITHER SCRUBBING THE POTS OR

BECAUSE IT CAME DOWN TO EITHER SCRUBBING
THE POTS OR SPENDING AN HOUR WITH DENISE

EITHER SCRUBBING THE POTS OR SPENDING
AN HOUR WITH DENISE WHILE SHE PICKED OUT MY

SPENDING AN HOUR WITH DENISE
WHILE SHE PICKED OUT MY WARDROBE.

WHILE SHE PICKED OUT MY
WARDROBE. >> LOOK AT YOU, ALL RIGHT.

WARDROBE. >> LOOK AT
YOU, ALL RIGHT. [LAUGHING]

SHE TOOK A FLASHLIGHT AND WENT
INTO MY CLOSET AND FOUND OUT WHERE I HID

AND WENT INTO MY CLOSET AND FOUND
OUT WHERE I HID MY FATHER'S DAY PRESENTS.

AND FOUND OUT WHERE I HID MY FATHER'S
DAY PRESENTS. >> MOM, YOU'RE LATE.

MY FATHER'S DAY PRESENTS. >> MOM,
YOU'RE LATE. IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?

MOM, YOU'RE LATE. IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE WEARING? IS DINNER READY?

IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? IS DINNER
READY? I KNOW VANESSA AND RUDY ARE NOT

IS DINNER READY? I KNOW VANESSA AND
RUDY ARE NOT GOING TO COME DOWNSTAIRS.

I KNOW VANESSA AND RUDY ARE NOT GOING
TO COME DOWNSTAIRS. ARE THEY, DADDY?

GOING TO COME DOWNSTAIRS. ARE
THEY, DADDY? >> LISTEN, JUST BE COOL.

ARE THEY, DADDY? >> LISTEN, JUST
BE COOL. THE FOOD IS BEAUTIFUL.

LISTEN, JUST BE COOL. THE FOOD IS
BEAUTIFUL. YOUR MOTHER IS BEAUTIFUL.

THE FOOD IS BEAUTIFUL. YOUR MOTHER IS
BEAUTIFUL. I TOOK LUM AND ABNER, PUT 'EM IN

YOUR MOTHER IS BEAUTIFUL. I TOOK LUM AND ABNER,
PUT 'EM IN THEIR ROOM AND NAILED THE DOOR

I TOOK LUM AND ABNER, PUT 'EM IN THEIR
ROOM AND NAILED THE DOOR SHUT, OKAY?

THEIR ROOM AND NAILED THE
DOOR SHUT, OKAY? JUST BE... I GOT IT.

SHUT, OKAY? JUST
BE... I GOT IT. >> DAD, NO!

JUST BE... I GOT IT. >>
DAD, NO! >> NO, I'LL GET IT.

DAD, NO! >> NO, I'LL GET IT. >>
DAD, WOULD YOU PLEASE... LET ME

NO, I'LL GET IT. >> DAD, WOULD YOU
PLEASE... LET ME ANSWER THE DOOR ALONE.

DAD, WOULD YOU PLEASE... LET ME ANSWER THE
DOOR ALONE. I WANT THE FIRST FACE HE SEES TO

ANSWER THE DOOR ALONE. I WANT
THE FIRST FACE HE SEES TO BE MINE.

I WANT THE FIRST FACE HE SEES TO BE
MINE. >> WELL, WHERE DO YOU WANT MY

BE MINE. >> WELL, WHERE
DO YOU WANT MY FACE?

WELL, WHERE DO YOU WANT MY
FACE? >> JUST STAY RIGHT THERE, OKAY?

FACE? >> JUST STAY RIGHT
THERE, OKAY? >> FOREVER?

JUST STAY RIGHT THERE,
OKAY? >> FOREVER? >> DADDY.

FOREVER? >> DADDY.
HOW AM I DOING SO FAR?

DADDY. >> HOW AM
I DOING SO FAR? >> HI.

HOW AM I DOING
SO FAR? >> HI. >> HELLO.

HI. >> HELLO. >>
DON'T BE NERVOUS.

HELLO. >> DON'T BE
NERVOUS. >> I'M NOT NERVOUS.

DON'T BE NERVOUS. >>
I'M NOT NERVOUS. >> I AM.

I'M NOT NERVOUS. >>
I AM. YOU KNOW MY MOM.

I AM. YOU KNOW MY MOM.
NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN,

YOU KNOW MY MOM. >> NICE TO
SEE YOU AGAIN, MRS. HUXTABLE.

NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN,
MRS. HUXTABLE. >> HELLO DAVID.

MRS. HUXTABLE. >> HELLO
DAVID. >> AND THIS IS MY DAD,

HELLO DAVID. >> AND
THIS IS MY DAD, DR. HUXTABLE.

AND THIS IS MY DAD, DR. HUXTABLE.
VERY NICE TO MEET YOU SIR.

DR. HUXTABLE. >> VERY NICE TO MEET
YOU SIR. >> NICE TO MEET YOU DAVID.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU SIR. >> NICE TO MEET
YOU DAVID. >> I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIG FAN

NICE TO MEET YOU DAVID. >> I
UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIG FAN OF TONY TAYLOR.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE A BIG FAN OF
TONY TAYLOR. >> OH YEAH, TONY CLEANHEAD

OF TONY TAYLOR. >> OH YEAH,
TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR, YEAH.

OH YEAH, TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR,
YEAH. >> WELL, DO YOU HAVE THIS ONE?

TAYLOR, YEAH. >> WELL, DO YOU HAVE THIS
ONE? >> TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR LIVE AT

WELL, DO YOU HAVE THIS ONE? >> TONY CLEANHEAD
TAYLOR LIVE AT THE BOHEMIAN CAVERNS.

TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR LIVE AT THE BOHEMIAN
CAVERNS. >> I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO

THE BOHEMIAN CAVERNS. >> I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
LIKE TO BORROW IT AND MAKE A TAPE OF IT.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO BORROW IT AND MAKE
A TAPE OF IT. >> WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

BORROW IT AND MAKE A TAPE OF IT. >> WELL, THANK
YOU VERY MUCH. I THINK I'LL PLAY THIS RIGHT

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I THINK I'LL
PLAY THIS RIGHT NOW, TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR.

I THINK I'LL PLAY THIS RIGHT NOW, TONY CLEANHEAD
TAYLOR. >> MOM, WHY DON'T I HELP YOU IN

NOW, TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR. >> MOM,
WHY DON'T I HELP YOU IN THE KITCHEN?

[MUSIC]

OOH! I MEAN TAYLOR, HE DID
THINGS THEN THAT PEOPLE TODAY STILL

I MEAN TAYLOR, HE DID THINGS THEN THAT
PEOPLE TODAY STILL CAN'T UNDERSTAND.

THEN THAT PEOPLE TODAY STILL CAN'T
UNDERSTAND. >> NOBODY CAN TOUCH HIM, HUH?

CAN'T UNDERSTAND. >> NOBODY
CAN TOUCH HIM, HUH? >> HEY DAVID!

NOBODY CAN TOUCH HIM,
HUH? >> HEY DAVID! >> HEY THEO!

HEY DAVID! >> HEY
THEO! >> DAD, WHAT'S THIS?

HEY THEO! >> DAD, WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR.

DAD, WHAT'S THIS? >> THAT'S TONY
CLEANHEAD TAYLOR. HE'S A GENIUS.

THAT'S TONY CLEANHEAD TAYLOR.
HE'S A GENIUS. >> A GENIUS AT WHAT?

HE'S A GENIUS. >> A GENIUS AT
WHAT? MAN, YOU LIKE THIS STUFF?

A GENIUS AT WHAT? MAN, YOU LIKE
THIS STUFF? >> JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE, THEO.

MAN, YOU LIKE THIS STUFF? >> JUST GIVE IT A
CHANCE, THEO. >> HEY, DID I ASK YOU TO TURN

JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE, THEO. >>
HEY, DID I ASK YOU TO TURN THE MUSIC OFF?

HEY, DID I ASK YOU TO
TURN THE MUSIC OFF? >> NO.

THE MUSIC OFF? >> NO. >> BUT
YOU TURNED THE MUSIC OFF.

NO. >> BUT YOU TURNED
THE MUSIC OFF. >> YEAH.

BUT YOU TURNED THE MUSIC OFF.
YEAH. >> WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF YOU

YEAH. >> WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF
YOU ASKED ME TO TURN THE MUSIC OFF?

WOULDN'T IT BE NICE IF YOU ASKED ME TO TURN
THE MUSIC OFF? >> DAD, CAN I TURN THE MUSIC

ASKED ME TO TURN THE MUSIC OFF?
DAD, CAN I TURN THE MUSIC OFF?

DAD, CAN I TURN
THE MUSIC OFF? >> YES.

OFF? >> YES. >> THANK YOU.

UH, MY SOCKS? >> DON'T BE
EMBARRASSED. I DO IT MYSELF SOMETIMES.

DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. I DO IT MYSELF
SOMETIMES. >> I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.

I DO IT MYSELF SOMETIMES. >> I'M NOT
EMBARRASSED. TO ME, MATCHED SOCKS ARE JUST

I'M NOT EMBARRASSED. TO ME, MATCHED SOCKS
ARE JUST A RULE OF SOCIETY THAT DOESN'T

TO ME, MATCHED SOCKS ARE JUST A RULE
OF SOCIETY THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

A RULE OF SOCIETY THAT DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE. >> SO, UH, YOU DID THAT ON

MAKE SENSE. >> SO, UH,
YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE?

SO, UH, YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE?
ABSOLUTELY, I NEVER MATCH MY

PURPOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY,
I NEVER MATCH MY SOCKS.

ABSOLUTELY, I NEVER MATCH MY
SOCKS. >> YOU KNOW, I LISTENED TO

SOCKS. >> YOU KNOW, I LISTENED
TO TAYLOR ALL THROUGH COLLEGE.

YOU KNOW, I LISTENED TO TAYLOR ALL THROUGH
COLLEGE. >> UH-HUH, WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU

TAYLOR ALL THROUGH COLLEGE. >>
UH-HUH, WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU GO TO, SIR?

UH-HUH, WHAT COLLEGE DID YOU
GO TO, SIR? >> I WENT TO HILLMAN.

GO TO, SIR? >> I WENT TO
HILLMAN. HOW ABOUT YOURSELF?

I WENT TO HILLMAN. HOW ABOUT
YOURSELF? ANY THOUGHTS ON COLLEGE?

HOW ABOUT YOURSELF? ANY THOUGHTS
ON COLLEGE? >> WELL, I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN

ANY THOUGHTS ON COLLEGE? >> WELL, I'VE
ALREADY GOTTEN INTO HARVARD, VANDERBILT,

WELL, I'VE ALREADY GOTTEN INTO
HARVARD, VANDERBILT, STANFORD AND DUKE.

INTO HARVARD, VANDERBILT, STANFORD
AND DUKE. >> YOU GO OVER BY HIM.

STANFORD AND DUKE. >> YOU GO OVER
BY HIM. YOU'VE APPLIED TO SOME FINE

YOU GO OVER BY HIM. YOU'VE
APPLIED TO SOME FINE SCHOOLS.

YOU'VE APPLIED TO SOME FINE
SCHOOLS. >> WELL, I HAVEN'T APPLIED,

SCHOOLS. >> WELL, I HAVEN'T
APPLIED, DR. HUXTABLE.

WELL, I HAVEN'T APPLIED,
DR. HUXTABLE. THEY CAME TO ME.

DR. HUXTABLE. THEY CAME TO ME.
AND WHAT SCHOOL ARE YOU GOING

THEY CAME TO ME. >> AND WHAT
SCHOOL ARE YOU GOING TO CHOOSE?

AND WHAT SCHOOL ARE YOU
GOING TO CHOOSE? >> I'M NOT.

TO CHOOSE? >> I'M NOT. YOU
SEE, I'M NOT GOING BECAUSE

I'M NOT. YOU SEE, I'M NOT GOING
BECAUSE FRANKLY, DR. HUXTABLE,

YOU SEE, I'M NOT GOING BECAUSE FRANKLY,
DR. HUXTABLE, I DON'T BELIEVE IN GRADES.

FRANKLY, DR. HUXTABLE, I DON'T
BELIEVE IN GRADES. >> YOU TOO?

I DON'T BELIEVE IN GRADES. >> YOU
TOO? >> USUALLY, PEOPLE WHO DON'T

YOU TOO? >> USUALLY, PEOPLE WHO
DON'T BELIEVE IN GRADES DO SO BECAUSE

USUALLY, PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GRADES
DO SO BECAUSE OF THE GRADES THEY'RE GETTING.

BELIEVE IN GRADES DO SO BECAUSE OF THE
GRADES THEY'RE GETTING. >> I GET ALL As.

OF THE GRADES THEY'RE GETTING.
I GET ALL As. BUT WHAT IS AN A?

I GET ALL As. BUT WHAT IS AN A? I
MEAN WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?

BUT WHAT IS AN A? I MEAN WHAT
DOES IT REALLY MEAN? >> YEAH.

I MEAN WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
YEAH. >> SEE, I'VE BEEN READING

YEAH. >> SEE, I'VE BEEN READING
SOCRATES AND HE BELIEVED THAT

SEE, I'VE BEEN READING SOCRATES AND HE
BELIEVED THAT TRUE LEARNING COMES FROM JUST

SOCRATES AND HE BELIEVED THAT TRUE LEARNING
COMES FROM JUST OBSERVING THE WORLD.

TRUE LEARNING COMES FROM JUST OBSERVING
THE WORLD. >> WHERE CAN I GET THAT BOOK?

OBSERVING THE WORLD. >> WHERE CAN I
GET THAT BOOK? >> YOU DON'T READ, SON.

WHERE CAN I GET THAT BOOK? >> YOU DON'T
READ, SON. >> MAYBE THERE'S A MOVIE ABOUT

YOU DON'T READ, SON. >>
MAYBE THERE'S A MOVIE ABOUT IT.

MAYBE THERE'S A MOVIE ABOUT
IT. >> WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UPSTAIRS

IT. >> WHY DON'T YOU GO ON
UPSTAIRS AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

WHY DON'T YOU GO ON UPSTAIRS AND DO YOUR
HOMEWORK? >> BUT DAD, WHAT DOES HOMEWORK

AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK? >> BUT DAD,
WHAT DOES HOMEWORK REALLY MEAN?

BUT DAD, WHAT DOES HOMEWORK REALLY
MEAN? >> IT CAN MEAN A LOT OF PAIN IF

REALLY MEAN? >> IT CAN MEAN
A LOT OF PAIN IF YOU DON'T DO IT.

IT CAN MEAN A LOT OF PAIN IF
YOU DON'T DO IT. >> SEE YOU, DAVID.

YOU DON'T DO IT. >> SEE YOU,
DAVID. MAN, LOVE THOSE SOCKS.

SEE YOU, DAVID. MAN, LOVE
THOSE SOCKS. >> MMM HMM.

MAN, LOVE THOSE SOCKS. >> MMM
HMM. >> SO IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

MMM HMM. >> SO IF YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO COLLEGE, THEN WHAT ARE YOU GOING

SO IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO COLLEGE,
THEN WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

COLLEGE, THEN WHAT ARE YOU GOING
TO DO? >> WELL, I THOUGHT I'D SPEND

TO DO? >> WELL, I THOUGHT I'D
SPEND SOME TIME JUST TRYING TO FIND

WELL, I THOUGHT I'D SPEND SOME
TIME JUST TRYING TO FIND MYSELF.

SOME TIME JUST TRYING TO FIND
MYSELF. >> HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU THINK

MYSELF. >> HOW MUCH TIME DO
YOU THINK THAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE?

HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU THINK THAT
IT'S GOING TO TAKE? >> ABOUT 5 OR 10 YEARS.

THAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE? >> ABOUT 5 OR
10 YEARS. >> WELL, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND

ABOUT 5 OR 10 YEARS. >> WELL, YOU'LL BE
ABLE TO FIND YOURSELF PLUS A COUPLE MORE

WELL, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO FIND YOURSELF
PLUS A COUPLE MORE PEOPLE, DON'T YOU THINK?

YOURSELF PLUS A COUPLE MORE PEOPLE,
DON'T YOU THINK? >> DINNER IS SERVED.

PEOPLE, DON'T YOU THINK? >> DINNER
IS SERVED. >> DINNER, ALL RIGHT, DINNER.

DINNER IS SERVED. >> DINNER, ALL
RIGHT, DINNER. >> SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE HIM?

DINNER, ALL RIGHT, DINNER. >> SO, HOW DO
YOU LIKE HIM? >> I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HIM

SO, HOW DO YOU LIKE HIM? >> I
DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HIM OR NOT.

I DON'T KNOW IF THAT'S HIM
OR NOT. HE HASN'T FOUND HIMSELF.

THE ENTRÉE, DR. HUXTABLE'S SALISBURY
STEAK DELUXE. >> I'M SORRY, DR. HUXTABLE,

SALISBURY STEAK DELUXE. >> I'M
SORRY, DR. HUXTABLE, I DON'T EAT MEAT.

I'M SORRY, DR. HUXTABLE, I DON'T
EAT MEAT. >> THE BOY DOES NOT EAT MEAT.

I DON'T EAT MEAT. >> THE BOY DOES
NOT EAT MEAT. >> WELL, I'M A VEGETARIAN.

THE BOY DOES NOT EAT MEAT. >> WELL,
I'M A VEGETARIAN. >> I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

WELL, I'M A VEGETARIAN. >> I DIDN'T
KNOW THAT. >> WELL, WE HAVE LOTS OF

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. >> WELL, WE
HAVE LOTS OF RED BEANS AND RICE.

WELL, WE HAVE LOTS OF RED
BEANS AND RICE. >> I'M SORRY,

RED BEANS AND RICE. >> I'M
SORRY, I ONLY EAT BROWN RICE.

I'M SORRY, I ONLY EAT BROWN
RICE. >> OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I ONLY EAT BROWN RICE. >> OH,
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE CAN TAKE THE RICE

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. WE CAN
TAKE THE RICE AND BURN IT FOR YOU.

WE CAN TAKE THE RICE
AND BURN IT FOR YOU. >> DAD!

AND BURN IT FOR YOU. >> DAD!
THE SALAD WILL BE PLENTY,

DAD! >> THE SALAD
WILL BE PLENTY, THANK YOU.

THE SALAD WILL BE
PLENTY, THANK YOU. >> OKAY.

THANK YOU. >> OKAY. >>
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST

OKAY. >> YOU KNOW, I THINK
I'LL JUST HAVE SALAD MYSELF.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST HAVE SALAD
MYSELF. >> WELL GOOD, THEN THERE'LL BE

HAVE SALAD MYSELF. >> WELL
GOOD, THEN THERE'LL BE MORE FOR US.

WELL GOOD, THEN THERE'LL BE MORE
FOR US. >> OH, THE REASON WHY I BECAME A

MORE FOR US. >> OH, THE REASON WHY I
BECAME A VEGETARIAN IS ALL THE STUDIES I

OH, THE REASON WHY I BECAME A VEGETARIAN IS ALL
THE STUDIES I READ CONFIRM THAT MANY ILLNESSES

VEGETARIAN IS ALL THE STUDIES I READ CONFIRM THAT
MANY ILLNESSES CAN BE TRACED TO THE CONSUMPTION

READ CONFIRM THAT MANY ILLNESSES CAN
BE TRACED TO THE CONSUMPTION OF MEAT.

CAN BE TRACED TO THE CONSUMPTION
OF MEAT. >> MRS. HUXTABLE AND I LOVE TO

OF MEAT. >> MRS. HUXTABLE
AND I LOVE TO LIVE DANGEROUSLY.

MRS. HUXTABLE AND I LOVE TO LIVE
DANGEROUSLY. >> WELL NOTHING PERSONAL,

LIVE DANGEROUSLY. >> WELL NOTHING
PERSONAL, DR. HUXTABLE, BUT I'D EXPECT

WELL NOTHING PERSONAL, DR. HUXTABLE,
BUT I'D EXPECT THAT ANSWER FROM A DOCTOR.

DR. HUXTABLE, BUT I'D EXPECT THAT ANSWER
FROM A DOCTOR. SEE, THE MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT

THAT ANSWER FROM A DOCTOR. SEE, THE MEDICAL
ESTABLISHMENT HAS ALWAYS DONE A POOR JOB OF

SEE, THE MEDICAL ESTABLISHMENT HAS ALWAYS DONE
A POOR JOB OF STRESSING THE LINK BETWEEN DIET

HAS ALWAYS DONE A POOR JOB OF STRESSING
THE LINK BETWEEN DIET AND GOOD HEALTH.

STRESSING THE LINK BETWEEN DIET AND
GOOD HEALTH. >> I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE

AND GOOD HEALTH. >> I UNDERSTAND
THAT YOU'RE A REAL THEATRE BUFF.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU'RE A REAL
THEATRE BUFF. >> YEAH, ONE OF MY PASSIONS.

A REAL THEATRE BUFF. >> YEAH, ONE
OF MY PASSIONS. >> WELL, I JUST LOVED

YEAH, ONE OF MY PASSIONS. >>
WELL, I JUST LOVED "DREAM GIRLS."

WELL, I JUST LOVED "DREAM
GIRLS." >> AH, "DREAM GIRLS."

"DREAM GIRLS." >> AH, "DREAM
GIRLS." >> DAVID IS VERY BOTHERED BY

AH, "DREAM GIRLS." >> DAVID IS VERY
BOTHERED BY THE GROSS COMMERCIALITY OF

DAVID IS VERY BOTHERED BY THE GROSS
COMMERCIALITY OF CONTEMPORARY THEATRE.

THE GROSS COMMERCIALITY OF CONTEMPORARY
THEATRE. >> WELL, I KNOW IS WE LEFT

CONTEMPORARY THEATRE. >> WELL, I KNOW
IS WE LEFT THAT THEATRE HUMMING THE TUNES

WELL, I KNOW IS WE LEFT THAT THEATRE
HUMMING THE TUNES AND FEELING FINE.

THAT THEATRE HUMMING THE TUNES
AND FEELING FINE. DIDN'T WE, CLIFF?

AND FEELING FINE. DIDN'T WE,
CLIFF? >> AND I THINK THE MEDICAL

DIDN'T WE, CLIFF? >> AND I THINK THE
MEDICAL PROFESSION HAS DONE A GOOD JOB

AND I THINK THE MEDICAL PROFESSION HAS DONE
A GOOD JOB IN STRESSING THE LINK BETWEEN

PROFESSION HAS DONE A GOOD JOB IN
STRESSING THE LINK BETWEEN DIET AND HEALTH.

IN STRESSING THE LINK BETWEEN DIET AND
HEALTH. >> WE OBVIOUSLY DISAGREE ON THAT

DIET AND HEALTH. >> WE OBVIOUSLY DISAGREE
ON THAT AND PROBABLY ON A LOT OF OTHER

WE OBVIOUSLY DISAGREE ON THAT AND PROBABLY
ON A LOT OF OTHER THINGS ABOUT THE MEDICAL

AND PROBABLY ON A LOT OF OTHER
THINGS ABOUT THE MEDICAL PROFESSION.

THINGS ABOUT THE MEDICAL
PROFESSION. >> MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE TIME

PROFESSION. >> MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE
TIME OR THE PLACE TO DISCUSS THEM.

MAYBE THIS ISN'T THE TIME OR THE PLACE TO
DISCUSS THEM. >> NONSENSE, NOW WHAT'S ON YOUR

OR THE PLACE TO DISCUSS THEM. >>
NONSENSE, NOW WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

NONSENSE, NOW WHAT'S ON YOUR
MIND? >> DON'T YOU THINK A LOT OF

MIND? >> DON'T YOU THINK A LOT
OF DOCTORS OVERCHARGE PEOPLE?

DON'T YOU THINK A LOT OF DOCTORS OVERCHARGE
PEOPLE? FOR EXAMPLE, HOW MUCH DOES IT

DOCTORS OVERCHARGE PEOPLE? FOR EXAMPLE,
HOW MUCH DOES IT COST FOR A FAMILY TO HAVE

FOR EXAMPLE, HOW MUCH DOES IT
COST FOR A FAMILY TO HAVE A BABY?

COST FOR A FAMILY TO HAVE A
BABY? >> WELL, IT DEPENDS ON

A BABY? >> WELL, IT
DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION.

WELL, IT DEPENDS ON THE SITUATION.
I'VE READ THAT DOCTORS CHARGE

THE SITUATION. >> I'VE READ THAT DOCTORS
CHARGE FOUR TIMES THE AMOUNT A MIDWIFE

I'VE READ THAT DOCTORS CHARGE FOUR TIMES THE
AMOUNT A MIDWIFE DOES TO DO THE SAME JOB.

FOUR TIMES THE AMOUNT A MIDWIFE DOES
TO DO THE SAME JOB. >> WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE

DOES TO DO THE SAME JOB. >> WELL,
THAT'S BECAUSE THE MIDWIFE DOES NOT HAVE

WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE THE MIDWIFE DOES
NOT HAVE THE EXPERTISE OR EQUIPMENT THAT

THE MIDWIFE DOES NOT HAVE THE EXPERTISE OR
EQUIPMENT THAT I HAVE IN CASE PROBLEMS ARISE.

THE EXPERTISE OR EQUIPMENT THAT I HAVE IN CASE
PROBLEMS ARISE. >> SO, ALL THAT EXTRA MONEY YOU

I HAVE IN CASE PROBLEMS ARISE. >> SO, ALL THAT
EXTRA MONEY YOU CHARGE REALLY PROTECTS THE

SO, ALL THAT EXTRA MONEY YOU CHARGE REALLY
PROTECTS THE PATIENT IN CASE THERE'S SOME

CHARGE REALLY PROTECTS THE PATIENT IN
CASE THERE'S SOME COMPLICATIONS, RIGHT?

PATIENT IN CASE THERE'S SOME
COMPLICATIONS, RIGHT? >> ABSOLUTELY.

COMPLICATIONS, RIGHT? >>
ABSOLUTELY. >> AND IF THERE AREN'T ANY

ABSOLUTELY. >> AND IF THERE
AREN'T ANY COMPLICATIONS, DO YOU GIVE

AND IF THERE AREN'T ANY
COMPLICATIONS, DO YOU GIVE THE MONEY BACK?

COMPLICATIONS, DO YOU
GIVE THE MONEY BACK? >> YEAH.

THE MONEY BACK? >> YEAH. >> I
THINK THAT THAT SALAD NEEDS

YEAH. >> I THINK THAT THAT SALAD
NEEDS A LITTLE BIT MORE DRESSING ON

I THINK THAT THAT SALAD NEEDS
A LITTLE BIT MORE DRESSING ON IT.

A LITTLE BIT MORE DRESSING ON
IT. >> NO, THE SALAD DOESN'T NEED

IT. >> NO, THE SALAD
DOESN'T NEED ANYTHING.

NO, THE SALAD DOESN'T NEED
ANYTHING. >> YES, IT DOES AND I NEED YOU

ANYTHING. >> YES, IT DOES AND I NEED
YOU TO HELP ME BRING OUT THE MAIN

YES, IT DOES AND I NEED YOU TO
HELP ME BRING OUT THE MAIN COURSE.

TO HELP ME BRING OUT THE
MAIN COURSE. EXCUSE US PLEASE.

COURSE. EXCUSE US
PLEASE. >> CERTAINLY.

CLIFF. >> CLAIR, DON'T
ASK ME TO GO BACK IN THERE.

CLAIR, DON'T ASK ME TO GO BACK IN
THERE. I'M SITTING AT MY DINNER TABLE

BACK IN THERE. I'M SITTING AT MY
DINNER TABLE WITH A KID WHO CANNOT FIND

I'M SITTING AT MY DINNER TABLE WITH A KID
WHO CANNOT FIND HIMSELF, WHO IS GOING TO FIND

WITH A KID WHO CANNOT FIND HIMSELF,
WHO IS GOING TO FIND FAULT WITH ME.

HIMSELF, WHO IS GOING TO FIND
FAULT WITH ME. >> COME ON, CLIFF.

FAULT WITH ME. >> COME ON,
CLIFF. HE WASN'T FINDING FAULT

COME ON, CLIFF. HE WASN'T
FINDING FAULT WITH YOU.

HE WASN'T FINDING FAULT WITH
YOU. HE WAS JUST ASKING QUESTIONS

WITH YOU. HE WAS JUST ASKING
QUESTIONS BECAUSE HE'S AN INTELLIGENT KID.

HE WAS JUST ASKING QUESTIONS BECAUSE HE'S AN
INTELLIGENT KID. >> HE'S AN ARROGANT TWILIGHT

BECAUSE HE'S AN INTELLIGENT KID.
HE'S AN ARROGANT TWILIGHT ZONE.

HE'S AN ARROGANT TWILIGHT
ZONE. >> COME ON, CLIFF.

ZONE. >> COME ON, CLIFF. IT'S
NOT GOING TO BE THAT MUCH

COME ON, CLIFF. IT'S NOT
GOING TO BE THAT MUCH LONGER.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THAT MUCH
LONGER. THEY SAID THEY HAVE TO LEAVE

LONGER. THEY SAID THEY HAVE
TO LEAVE AT NINE TO SEE A MOVIE.

THEY SAID THEY HAVE TO LEAVE AT NINE TO SEE
A MOVIE. >> YOU TAKE ME BACK IN THERE AND

AT NINE TO SEE A MOVIE. >> YOU TAKE ME BACK
IN THERE AND I WARN YOU, YOU ARE DANGLING RAW

YOU TAKE ME BACK IN THERE AND I WARN YOU, YOU
ARE DANGLING RAW MEAT IN FRONT OF OLD YELLER.

I WARN YOU, YOU ARE DANGLING RAW MEAT IN FRONT
OF OLD YELLER. >> YOU SEE YOU CAN DISH IT OUT,

MEAT IN FRONT OF OLD YELLER. >> YOU SEE
YOU CAN DISH IT OUT, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT.

YOU SEE YOU CAN DISH IT OUT, BUT
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT. NOW, THAT'S THE BEST

BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE IT. NOW, THAT'S THE
BEST CONVERSATION THAT DINING ROOM

NOW, THAT'S THE BEST CONVERSATION
THAT DINING ROOM HAS SEEN IN YEARS.

CONVERSATION THAT DINING ROOM HAS
SEEN IN YEARS. I'M GOING BACK IN THERE,

HAS SEEN IN YEARS. I'M GOING BACK IN
THERE, AND YOU ARE COMING WITH ME.

I'M GOING BACK IN THERE, AND YOU ARE
COMING WITH ME. SO, YOU JUST BE COOL.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT MAD AT WHAT I SAID ABOUT
DOCTORS. >> THIS IS THE BEST CONVERSATION

I SAID ABOUT DOCTORS. >> THIS IS THE BEST
CONVERSATION THIS DINING ROOM HAS HAD

THIS IS THE BEST CONVERSATION
THIS DINING ROOM HAS HAD IN YEARS.

THIS DINING ROOM HAS HAD IN
YEARS. THE HUXTABLES HAVE ALWAYS

IN YEARS. THE HUXTABLES HAVE
ALWAYS ENJOYED GOOD CONVERSATION.

THE HUXTABLES HAVE ALWAYS ENJOYED
GOOD CONVERSATION. >> WE HAVE?

ENJOYED GOOD CONVERSATION. >> WE
HAVE? >> SO, WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT

WE HAVE? >> SO, WHAT SHOULD WE
TALK ABOUT NOW, POLITICS, POETRY, ART?

SO, WHAT SHOULD WE TALK ABOUT NOW, POLITICS,
POETRY, ART? >> I HEAR YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY,

NOW, POLITICS, POETRY, ART? >> I HEAR
YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY, MRS. HUXTABLE.

I HEAR YOU'RE AN ATTORNEY,
MRS. HUXTABLE. >> THE LAW.

MRS. HUXTABLE. >> THE
LAW. >> HOW CAN YOU WORK IN

THE LAW. >> HOW CAN YOU WORK
IN A PROFESSION WHERE YOU DEFEND

HOW CAN YOU WORK IN A PROFESSION WHERE
YOU DEFEND PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE GUILTY JUST

A PROFESSION WHERE YOU DEFEND PEOPLE YOU
KNOW ARE GUILTY JUST SO YOU CAN COLLECT YOUR

PEOPLE YOU KNOW ARE GUILTY JUST
SO YOU CAN COLLECT YOUR PAYCHECK?

SO YOU CAN COLLECT YOUR
PAYCHECK? >> WELL DAVID, ACCORDING TO

PAYCHECK? >> WELL DAVID, ACCORDING
TO THE 14TH AMENDMENT, EVERYONE

WELL DAVID, ACCORDING TO THE 14TH AMENDMENT,
EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO DUE PROCESS.

THE 14TH AMENDMENT, EVERYONE IS ENTITLED TO
DUE PROCESS. >> I'D EXPECT THAT ANSWER FROM

IS ENTITLED TO DUE PROCESS. >> I'D
EXPECT THAT ANSWER FROM A LAWYER.

I'D EXPECT THAT ANSWER FROM A
LAWYER. WHAT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND...

A LAWYER. WHAT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND...
WHAT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND,

WHAT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND... WHAT I
REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND, MRS. HUXTABLE, IS WHY

WHAT I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND, MRS.
HUXTABLE, IS WHY DO YOU DIVIDE YOUR TIME

MRS. HUXTABLE, IS WHY DO YOU DIVIDE
YOUR TIME BETWEEN PURSUING YOUR CAREER

DO YOU DIVIDE YOUR TIME BETWEEN PURSUING
YOUR CAREER AND RAISING YOUR FAMILY?

BETWEEN PURSUING YOUR CAREER AND RAISING
YOUR FAMILY? >> I DON'T THINK I UNDERSTAND

AND RAISING YOUR FAMILY? >> I
DON'T THINK I UNDERSTAND YOUR POINT.

I DON'T THINK I UNDERSTAND YOUR
POINT. >> THE POINT IS YOUR HUSBAND

YOUR POINT. >> THE POINT IS YOUR
HUSBAND MAKES A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF

THE POINT IS YOUR HUSBAND MAKES
A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY.

MAKES A TREMENDOUS AMOUNT OF
MONEY. SHOULDN'T YOU JUST STAY AT HOME

MONEY. SHOULDN'T YOU JUST
STAY AT HOME WITH THE KIDS?

SHOULDN'T YOU JUST STAY AT HOME WITH
THE KIDS? >> THAT IS A SEXIST STATEMENT,

WITH THE KIDS? >> THAT IS A
SEXIST STATEMENT, YOUNG MAN.

THAT IS A SEXIST STATEMENT, YOUNG
MAN. WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK DR. HUXTABLE

YOUNG MAN. WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK
DR. HUXTABLE THAT SAME QUESTION?

WHY DIDN'T YOU ASK DR. HUXTABLE THAT
SAME QUESTION? >> LET'S GO GET SOME ROLLS

THAT SAME QUESTION? >> LET'S
GO GET SOME ROLLS OR SOMETHING.

LET'S GO GET SOME ROLLS OR
SOMETHING. COME UP WITH ANOTHER POINT.

OR SOMETHING. COME UP WITH
ANOTHER POINT. >> HOW DARE HE?

COME UP WITH ANOTHER POINT. >> HOW
DARE HE? LITTLE SCRAGGLY LEGGED PUP

HOW DARE HE? LITTLE SCRAGGLY
LEGGED PUP COME IN HERE AND PARK HIS FEET

LITTLE SCRAGGLY LEGGED PUP COME IN HERE AND
PARK HIS FEET UNDERNEATH MY DINING ROOM TABLE

COME IN HERE AND PARK HIS FEET UNDERNEATH MY
DINING ROOM TABLE AND TELL ME THAT I AM NOT

UNDERNEATH MY DINING ROOM TABLE
AND TELL ME THAT I AM NOT A GOOD MOTHER.

AND TELL ME THAT I AM NOT A GOOD
MOTHER. >> WELL DEAR, HE'S JUST

A GOOD MOTHER. >> WELL DEAR,
HE'S JUST AN INTELLIGENT BOY.

WELL DEAR, HE'S JUST AN INTELLIGENT
BOY. >> DON'T YOU START WITH ME

AN INTELLIGENT BOY. >> DON'T
YOU START WITH ME THIS EVENING.

DON'T YOU START WITH ME
THIS EVENING. >> NOW LISTEN TO ME,

THIS EVENING. >> NOW LISTEN
TO ME, YOU KNOW OLD YELLER?

NOW LISTEN TO ME, YOU KNOW OLD
YELLER? WELL AFTER HE DIED, THEY MADE

YOU KNOW OLD YELLER? WELL AFTER HE DIED,
THEY MADE A SEQUEL, "MRS. OLD YELLER."

WELL AFTER HE DIED, THEY MADE A SEQUEL, "MRS.
OLD YELLER." AND MRS. OLD YELLER, SHE WAS

A SEQUEL, "MRS. OLD YELLER." AND MRS. OLD
YELLER, SHE WAS WORSE THAN OLD YELLER BECAUSE

AND MRS. OLD YELLER, SHE WAS WORSE THAN OLD
YELLER BECAUSE ALL OLD YELLER DID WAS HE JUST

WORSE THAN OLD YELLER BECAUSE
ALL OLD YELLER DID WAS HE JUST BARKED.

ALL OLD YELLER DID WAS HE JUST
BARKED. HE JUST SAID, "WOOF..."

BARKED. HE JUST SAID,
"WOOF..." BUT MRS. OLD YELLER,

HE JUST SAID, "WOOF..." BUT MRS. OLD
YELLER, MRS. OLD YELLER SAID, "RRR!"

BUT MRS. OLD YELLER, MRS. OLD
YELLER SAID, "RRR!" AND SHE BIT PEOPLE!

MRS. OLD YELLER SAID, "RRR!" AND SHE
BIT PEOPLE! >> UH, MOM, DAD, THERE MAY BE

AND SHE BIT PEOPLE! >> UH, MOM, DAD,
THERE MAY BE A LONG LINE AT THE MOVIES,

UH, MOM, DAD, THERE MAY BE A LONG LINE
AT THE MOVIES, SO WE'RE GOING TO GO NOW.

A LONG LINE AT THE MOVIES, SO WE'RE
GOING TO GO NOW. >> OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

SO WE'RE GOING TO GO NOW. >> OKAY,
ALL RIGHT. >> IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU,

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. >> IT WAS NICE
TO MEET YOU, DOCTOR, MRS. HUXTABLE.

IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU,
DOCTOR, MRS. HUXTABLE. IT WAS GREAT...

DOCTOR, MRS. HUXTABLE.
IT WAS GREAT... >> HEY!

IT WAS GREAT... >> HEY! >> RRR!

HEY! >> RRR! >> HEEL!

RRR! >> HEEL! >> WOOF!

HEEL! >> WOOF! >> HEEL!

WOOF! >> HEEL! HEEL!

HEEL! HEEL! HEEL!

HEEL! HEEL! HEEL!

HEEL! HEEL! HEEL!

HEEL! HEEL! AND HEEL SOME MORE.

OH BOY, I SURE DO LOVE THIS. >> I
WOULD SAY SO. THAT'S YOUR THIRD BOWL.

I WOULD SAY SO. THAT'S YOUR
THIRD BOWL. >> MMM, MMM, MMM.

THAT'S YOUR THIRD BOWL. >> MMM, MMM,
MMM. THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST MISTAKES

MMM, MMM, MMM. THIS IS ONE OF THE
BEST MISTAKES I'VE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE.

THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST MISTAKES
I'VE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE. >> HI.

I'VE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE. >>
HI. >> HI, HOW WAS THE MOVIE?

HI. >> HI, HOW WAS
THE MOVIE? >> OKAY.

HI, HOW WAS THE MOVIE?
OKAY. >> WHAT'D YOU SEE?

OKAY. >> WHAT'D YOU
SEE? >> "SOUTH DAKOTA."

WHAT'D YOU SEE? >> "SOUTH
DAKOTA." >> THE WESTERN WITH

"SOUTH DAKOTA." >> THE
WESTERN WITH RORY CALHOUN.

THE WESTERN WITH RORY
CALHOUN. >> NO DADDY, THIS MOVIE WAS

RORY CALHOUN. >> NO DADDY, THIS
MOVIE WAS ABOUT SOUTH DAKOTA.

NO DADDY, THIS MOVIE WAS ABOUT
SOUTH DAKOTA. YOU KNOW, DAVID IS CRAZY.

ABOUT SOUTH DAKOTA. YOU KNOW, DAVID IS
CRAZY. HE COMES UP WITH THE STRANGEST

YOU KNOW, DAVID IS CRAZY. HE
COMES UP WITH THE STRANGEST IDEAS.

HE COMES UP WITH THE STRANGEST
IDEAS. >> DAVID, YOU MEAN THE WONDERFUL

IDEAS. >> DAVID, YOU MEAN THE
WONDERFUL FELLOW THAT WE HAD DINNER

DAVID, YOU MEAN THE WONDERFUL
FELLOW THAT WE HAD DINNER WITH TONIGHT?

FELLOW THAT WE HAD DINNER
WITH TONIGHT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT

WITH TONIGHT? I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT. >> OKAY, "SOUTH DAKOTA" WAS

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. >> OKAY, "SOUTH
DAKOTA" WAS ABOUT THIS GUY WHO MOVES DOWN

OKAY, "SOUTH DAKOTA" WAS ABOUT THIS GUY
WHO MOVES DOWN TO SOUTH DAKOTA TO LIVE OFF

ABOUT THIS GUY WHO MOVES DOWN TO SOUTH DAKOTA
TO LIVE OFF THE LAND ONLY HAS HIS WIFE TO

TO SOUTH DAKOTA TO LIVE OFF THE LAND
ONLY HAS HIS WIFE TO PULL THE PLOW FOR HIM,

THE LAND ONLY HAS HIS WIFE TO PULL THE PLOW
FOR HIM, BUT HE WANTS TO FARM MORE ACRES.

PULL THE PLOW FOR HIM, BUT HE WANTS TO
FARM MORE ACRES. SO, HE MARRIES MORE WIVES.

BUT HE WANTS TO FARM MORE ACRES. SO, HE MARRIES
MORE WIVES. AND SO ABOUT THE FOURTH WIFE,

SO, HE MARRIES MORE WIVES. AND SO ABOUT THE
FOURTH WIFE, DAVID TURNS TO ME AND SAYS,

AND SO ABOUT THE FOURTH WIFE, DAVID TURNS TO
ME AND SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I COULD REALLY GET

DAVID TURNS TO ME AND SAYS, "YOU
KNOW, I COULD REALLY GET INTO THIS."

"YOU KNOW, I COULD REALLY GET INTO
THIS." I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND I SAID,

INTO THIS." I JUST LOOKED AT
HIM AND I SAID, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND I SAID, "ARE
YOU SERIOUS?" HE SAID, "YEAH MAYBE."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" HE SAID, "YEAH
MAYBE." SO, WE STARTED ARGUING RIGHT

HE SAID, "YEAH MAYBE." SO, WE STARTED
ARGUING RIGHT THERE IN THE MOVIE THEATRE.

SO, WE STARTED ARGUING RIGHT
THERE IN THE MOVIE THEATRE. >> MMM.

THERE IN THE MOVIE THEATRE. >>
MMM. >> DADDY, WOULD YOU ASK MOM TO

MMM. >> DADDY, WOULD YOU
ASK MOM TO PULL THE PLOW FOR YOU?

DADDY, WOULD YOU ASK MOM
TO PULL THE PLOW FOR YOU? >> YEAH!

PULL THE PLOW FOR YOU? >>
YEAH! >> WOULD YOU PULL IT?

YEAH! >> WOULD
YOU PULL IT? >> NO.

WOULD YOU PULL
IT? >> NO. >> HELLO,

NO. >> HELLO, THIS IS
THE HUXTABLE RESIDENCE.

HELLO, THIS IS THE HUXTABLE
RESIDENCE. HEY DAVID, HOW YOU DOING?

THIS IS THE HUXTABLE RESIDENCE. HEY DAVID, HOW
YOU DOING? JUST A MINUTE, I JUST GOT... I'LL

HEY DAVID, HOW YOU DOING? JUST A MINUTE, I JUST
GOT... I'LL TAKE A LOOK, SEE IF SHE'S HERE.

JUST A MINUTE, I JUST GOT... I'LL TAKE A LOOK, SEE
IF SHE'S HERE. >> DAD... DADDY, TELL HIM I'M NOT

TAKE A LOOK, SEE IF SHE'S HERE. >>
DAD... DADDY, TELL HIM I'M NOT HOME.

DAD... DADDY, TELL HIM I'M NOT
HOME. TELL HIM THAT HE'S RUDE AND HE

HOME. TELL HIM THAT HE'S RUDE
AND HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN.

TELL HIM THAT HE'S RUDE AND HE DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND WOMEN. >> NOW FIRST OF ALL, YOU SPEND

DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WOMEN. >> NOW FIRST OF
ALL, YOU SPEND ALL THIS TIME TELLING ME I'M

NOW FIRST OF ALL, YOU SPEND ALL THIS TIME
TELLING ME I'M TOO ROUGH ON YOUR FRIENDS.

ALL THIS TIME TELLING ME I'M TOO ROUGH ON
YOUR FRIENDS. NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME TO TELL

TOO ROUGH ON YOUR FRIENDS. NOW, YOU'RE TELLING
ME TO TELL YOUR FRIEND... NO, I'M NOT DOING

NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME TO TELL YOUR
FRIEND... NO, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.

YOUR FRIEND... NO, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO THIS

ANYTHING. YOU GOT SOMETHING TO
SAY TO THIS FELLOW, YOU TELL HIM.

YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO
THIS FELLOW, YOU TELL HIM. >> MOM.

FELLOW, YOU TELL HIM. >>
MOM. >> YOUR FATHER IS RIGHT.

MOM. >> YOUR FATHER IS RIGHT.
THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND DAVID.

YOUR FATHER IS RIGHT. THIS IS BETWEEN YOU
AND DAVID. >> OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.

THIS IS BETWEEN YOU AND DAVID. >> OKAY, I'LL
TAKE IT UPSTAIRS. >> DAVID, I THINK I'VE LOCATED

OKAY, I'LL TAKE IT UPSTAIRS.
DAVID, I THINK I'VE LOCATED HER.

DAVID, I THINK I'VE LOCATED HER.
HOLD THE PHONE JUST ONE SECOND.

HER. HOLD THE PHONE
JUST ONE SECOND. DENISE!

HOLD THE PHONE JUST ONE
SECOND. DENISE! >> YEAH!

DENISE! >> YEAH! >> TELEPHONE!

YEAH! >> TELEPHONE! >>
OKAY THANKS DAD, I GOT IT!

TELEPHONE! >> OKAY THANKS DAD, I
GOT IT! >> DAVID, SHE'S COMING TO THE

OKAY THANKS DAD, I GOT IT! >> DAVID,
SHE'S COMING TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

DAVID, SHE'S COMING TO THE
PHONE RIGHT NOW. THERE SHE IS.

PHONE RIGHT NOW. THERE
SHE IS. OKAY, SEE YOU DAVID!

[MUSIC]

"THE COSBY SHOW" IS VIDEOTAPED
IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.