The Cosby Show (1984–1992): Season 1, Episode 14 - Independence Day - full transcript
Theo gets an earring without permission.
[MUSIC]
HEY! >> HEY, SIS. >>
YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?
HEY, SIS. >> YOU
GOING SOMEWHERE? >> NO.
YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?
NO. I SPENT THE WEEKEND AT
NO. I SPENT THE WEEKEND
AT COCKROACH'S HOUSE.
I SPENT THE WEEKEND AT COCKROACH'S
HOUSE. I'M YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU DIDN'T
COCKROACH'S HOUSE. I'M YOUR BROTHER,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS GONE.
I'M YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
I WAS GONE. >> NOPE, BUT WELCOME HOME.
EVEN NOTICE I WAS GONE. >> NOPE, BUT
WELCOME HOME. >> COME ON IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA
NOPE, BUT WELCOME HOME. >> COME ON
IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
COME ON IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA SHOW YOU
SOMETHING. >> OH, YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN
SHOW YOU SOMETHING. >> OH,
YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN THERE.
OH, YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN
THERE. IT'S OKAY, I CLEANED IT UP
THERE. IT'S OKAY, I
CLEANED IT UP BEFORE I LEFT.
IT'S OKAY, I CLEANED IT UP BEFORE I
LEFT. >> HEY, IT DOES LOOK BETTER.
BEFORE I LEFT. >> HEY, IT
DOES LOOK BETTER. WHAT'S UP?
HEY, IT DOES LOOK
BETTER. WHAT'S UP? >> THIS.
WHAT'S UP? >> THIS. >>
AH, THEO AN EARRING!
THIS. >> AH, THEO AN
EARRING! >> I HAD IT DONE FRIDAY
AH, THEO AN EARRING! >> I
HAD IT DONE FRIDAY AFTER SCHOOL.
I HAD IT DONE FRIDAY
AFTER SCHOOL. >> THAT'S GREAT!
AFTER SCHOOL. >> THAT'S
GREAT! IT LOOKS FANTASTIC!
THAT'S GREAT! IT LOOKS FANTASTIC!
AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS?
IT LOOKS FANTASTIC! >> AND YOU KNOW WHAT
IT SAYS? THAT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY
AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS? THAT I'M
OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
THAT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN
DECISIONS. >> WAIT, THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS
OWN DECISIONS. >> WAIT,
THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS RED.
WAIT, THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS
RED. >> IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING
RED. >> IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING
IN MY EAR, THAT'S MY BUSINESS.
IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING IN MY EAR,
THAT'S MY BUSINESS. >> THEO, IT LOOKS PUFFY.
IN MY EAR, THAT'S MY BUSINESS. >> THEO, IT
LOOKS PUFFY. >> WHEN PEOPLE SEE THIS, THEY
THEO, IT LOOKS PUFFY. >> WHEN PEOPLE
SEE THIS, THEY GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH
WHEN PEOPLE SEE THIS, THEY
GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH A MAN.
GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH A
MAN. >> THEO, YOU BETTER LET DAD
A MAN. >> THEO, YOU BETTER
LET DAD TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
THEO, YOU BETTER LET DAD TAKE
A LOOK AT IT. >> LET WHO LOOK AT IT?
TAKE A LOOK AT IT. >>
LET WHO LOOK AT IT? OOH!
LET WHO LOOK AT
IT? OOH! >> THAT HURTS?
OOH! >> THAT HURTS?
I THINK IT'S INFECTED.
THAT HURTS? I THINK
IT'S INFECTED. >> IT IS?
I THINK IT'S INFECTED. >> IT IS?
YEAH, WHERE'D YOU HAVE IT
IT IS? >> YEAH, WHERE'D
YOU HAVE IT DONE?
YEAH, WHERE'D YOU HAVE IT
DONE? >> AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
DONE? >> AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
YOU LET COCKROACH PIERCE
AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> YOU
LET COCKROACH PIERCE YOUR EAR?
YOU LET COCKROACH PIERCE
YOUR EAR? >> HEY, I'M NOT CRAZY,
YOUR EAR? >> HEY, I'M NOT
CRAZY, IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
HEY, I'M NOT CRAZY, IT WAS HIS SISTER,
TOOTSIE. >> TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH
IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. >>
TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH
SCHOOL. >> BUT SHE DOES THIS ON
SCHOOL. >> BUT SHE DOES THIS ON
THE SIDE, AND SHE ONLY CHARGES
BUT SHE DOES THIS ON THE SIDE,
AND SHE ONLY CHARGES 99 CENTS.
THE SIDE, AND SHE ONLY CHARGES 99
CENTS. >> IF YOU DON'T LET DAD TAKE
99 CENTS. >> IF YOU DON'T LET
DAD TAKE A LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA
IF YOU DON'T LET DAD TAKE A
LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA GET WORSE.
A LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA GET
WORSE. >> BUT THIS IS JUST AN EAR.
GET WORSE. >> BUT THIS IS JUST
AN EAR. IF DAD FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE
BUT THIS IS JUST AN EAR. IF DAD
FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE BODY'S IN DANGER.
IF DAD FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE
BODY'S IN DANGER. >> DENISE.
BODY'S IN DANGER. >> DENISE.
HEY, I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN
DENISE. >> HEY, I DIDN'T SAY
YOU CAN COME INTO MY ROOM.
HEY, I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN COME INTO
MY ROOM. >> I DON'T WANT TO COME INTO
COME INTO MY ROOM. >> I DON'T
WANT TO COME INTO YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT TO COME INTO YOUR
ROOM. >> THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOUR ROOM. >> THEN WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE? >> WELL, DENISE IS HERE.
THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE? >> WELL, DENISE IS HERE. >> SO.
WELL, DENISE IS HERE. >>
SO. >> IF YOU ARE IN THEO'S ROOM,
SO. >> IF YOU ARE IN
THEO'S ROOM, SOMETHING IS UP.
IF YOU ARE IN THEO'S ROOM,
SOMETHING IS UP. >> NOTHING'S UP, VANESSA.
SOMETHING IS UP. >> NOTHING'S UP,
VANESSA. >> OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA
NOTHING'S UP, VANESSA. >> OKAY,
BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA FIND OUT ANYWAY.
OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA
FIND OUT ANYWAY. I HAVE MY WAYS.
CLIFF!
OH!
JUST HAVING A LITTLE TASTE,
DEAR. >> THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR MOM
DEAR. >> THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR
MOM AND DAD AFTER DINNER.
THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR MOM AND DAD
AFTER DINNER. >> MY FOLKS WILL NOT NOTICE.
AND DAD AFTER DINNER. >> MY FOLKS
WILL NOT NOTICE. >> THEY DID THE LAST TIME.
MY FOLKS WILL NOT NOTICE. >>
THEY DID THE LAST TIME. >> HOW?
THEY DID THE LAST TIME. >> HOW?
BECAUSE WHEN WE CUT INTO IT,
HOW? >> BECAUSE WHEN
WE CUT INTO IT, IT WAS HOLLOW.
BECAUSE WHEN WE CUT INTO IT, IT
WAS HOLLOW. >> LOOK, MY FOLKS ARE NOT
IT WAS HOLLOW. >> LOOK, MY FOLKS
ARE NOT COMING OVER HERE TO EAT.
LOOK, MY FOLKS ARE NOT COMING OVER
HERE TO EAT. THEY'RE COMING OVER HERE TO
COMING OVER HERE TO EAT. THEY'RE
COMING OVER HERE TO SPOIL THE CHILDREN.
THEY'RE COMING OVER HERE TO SPOIL THE
CHILDREN. >> WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
SPOIL THE CHILDREN. >> WELL, WHAT DO
YOU EXPECT? THEY'RE GRANDPARENTS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? THEY'RE
GRANDPARENTS. >> RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS
THEY'RE GRANDPARENTS. >>
RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS ALL RIGHT.
THESE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE
ALL RIGHT. THESE ARE NOT THE
SAME PEOPLE I GREW UP WITH.
THESE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE I GREW
UP WITH. THESE ARE THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITES
I GREW UP WITH. THESE ARE THE
BIGGEST HYPOCRITES YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
THESE ARE THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITES YOU'VE
EVER SEEN. NO, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,
YOU'VE EVER SEEN. NO, I'M TELLING YOU
RIGHT NOW, MY FATHER COMES THROUGH THAT
NO, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, MY FATHER
COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, GOES INTO HIS POCKET,
MY FATHER COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, GOES INTO
HIS POCKET, PULLS OUT A HANDFUL OF MONEY.
DOOR, GOES INTO HIS POCKET, PULLS OUT A HANDFUL
OF MONEY. "WELL, LET'S SEE IF GRANDDAD HAS
PULLS OUT A HANDFUL OF MONEY. "WELL, LET'S SEE
IF GRANDDAD HAS ANY MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL
"WELL, LET'S SEE IF GRANDDAD HAS ANY
MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL CHILDREN."
ANY MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL
CHILDREN." THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO, WHEN
CHILDREN." THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO,
WHEN I WAS HIS CHILD, I WOULD ASK HIM
THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO, WHEN I WAS HIS CHILD,
I WOULD ASK HIM FOR 50 CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL
I WAS HIS CHILD, I WOULD ASK HIM FOR 50
CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL ME HIS LIFE STORY.
FOR 50 CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL ME
HIS LIFE STORY. THIS MAN WOULD TELL ME HOW
ME HIS LIFE STORY. THIS MAN WOULD TELL
ME HOW AT AGE 5, HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK
THIS MAN WOULD TELL ME HOW AT AGE 5,
HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK EVERY MORNING.
AT AGE 5, HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK EVERY
MORNING. HAD NO ALARM CLOCK, HAD NO
EVERY MORNING. HAD NO ALARM
CLOCK, HAD NO ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF
HAD NO ALARM CLOCK, HAD NO
ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
SNOW WAS UP TO HERE, HAD NO
RESPONSIBILITY. SNOW WAS UP TO HERE,
HAD NO SHOES, BUT HE WALKED THROUGH
SNOW WAS UP TO HERE, HAD NO SHOES, BUT
HE WALKED THROUGH A BLIZZARD, BACKWARDS.
SHOES, BUT HE WALKED THROUGH A BLIZZARD,
BACKWARDS. AND I'VE TALKED TO OTHER PEOPLE
A BLIZZARD, BACKWARDS. AND I'VE TALKED TO
OTHER PEOPLE WITH FATHERS AND FIND OUT THAT
AND I'VE TALKED TO OTHER PEOPLE WITH FATHERS AND
FIND OUT THAT FATHERS ARE THE LYINGEST PEOPLE
WITH FATHERS AND FIND OUT THAT FATHERS ARE
THE LYINGEST PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH.
FATHERS ARE THE LYINGEST PEOPLE ON
THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. NO, I HAVE A FRIEND
ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. NO, I
HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS PUERTO RICAN.
NO, I HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS PUERTO
RICAN. HIS FATHER WAS BROUGHT UP IN
WHO IS PUERTO RICAN. HIS FATHER WAS
BROUGHT UP IN SAN JUAN, WALKED THROUGH
HIS FATHER WAS BROUGHT UP IN SAN JUAN,
WALKED THROUGH THE SNOW IN SAN... MY FATHER
SAN JUAN, WALKED THROUGH THE SNOW IN SAN...
MY FATHER FOUND A JOB MILKING 120 COWS.
THE SNOW IN SAN... MY FATHER FOUND A JOB
MILKING 120 COWS. THE MAN HE WORKED FOR HAD NO
FOUND A JOB MILKING 120 COWS. THE MAN HE WORKED
FOR HAD NO BUCKET, SO HE HAD TO SQUIRT THE
THE MAN HE WORKED FOR HAD NO BUCKET, SO HE HAD
TO SQUIRT THE MILK INTO HIS HAND, WALK 8 MILES
BUCKET, SO HE HAD TO SQUIRT THE MILK INTO HIS
HAND, WALK 8 MILES THROUGH THE SNOW UP TO HERE.
MILK INTO HIS HAND, WALK 8 MILES THROUGH THE
SNOW UP TO HERE. AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,
THROUGH THE SNOW UP TO HERE. AND I'M TELLING
YOU RIGHT NOW, MY MOTHER IS THE SAME WAY TOO.
AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, MY MOTHER IS THE
SAME WAY TOO. >> NOW CLIFF, YOUR MOTHER'S ONE
MY MOTHER IS THE SAME WAY TOO. >> NOW CLIFF, YOUR
MOTHER'S ONE OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER
NOW CLIFF, YOUR MOTHER'S ONE OF
THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET.
OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE
EVER MET. >> I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T
MET. >> I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T
SWEET, BUT THIS WOMAN COMES OVER
I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T SWEET, BUT
THIS WOMAN COMES OVER HERE TO THE HOUSE,
SWEET, BUT THIS WOMAN COMES OVER
HERE TO THE HOUSE, KISSES EVERY CHILD.
HERE TO THE HOUSE, KISSES EVERY
CHILD. "JUST COME IN AND KISS YOUR
KISSES EVERY CHILD. "JUST COME
IN AND KISS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
"JUST COME IN AND KISS YOUR
GRANDMOTHER. OH, YOU'RE JUST THE MOST
GRANDMOTHER. OH, YOU'RE JUST THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ON THE FACE
OH, YOU'RE JUST THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CHILDREN ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH."
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ON THE FACE OF
THIS EARTH." BUT WHEN I WAS HER CHILD,
OF THIS EARTH." BUT WHEN I WAS HER
CHILD, I'M TELLING YOU THIS WOMAN, ALL
BUT WHEN I WAS HER CHILD, I'M TELLING YOU
THIS WOMAN, ALL SHE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TAKE
I'M TELLING YOU THIS WOMAN, ALL SHE EVER WANTED
TO DO WAS TAKE A STICK AND ASK GOD TO GIVE HER
SHE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TAKE A STICK AND ASK
GOD TO GIVE HER ENOUGH STRENGTH SO SHE COULD
A STICK AND ASK GOD TO GIVE HER ENOUGH
STRENGTH SO SHE COULD KNOCK US SOMEWHERE.
ENOUGH STRENGTH SO SHE COULD KNOCK US
SOMEWHERE. AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL DON'T
KNOCK US SOMEWHERE. AND TO THIS DAY, I
STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE KINGDOM COME IS.
AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE
KINGDOM COME IS. AND ALL SHE IS, AS FAR AS I'M
KNOW WHERE KINGDOM COME IS. AND ALL SHE IS,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IS AN OLD PERSON
AND ALL SHE IS, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IS
AN OLD PERSON TRYING TO GET INTO HEAVEN NOW.
CONCERNED, IS AN OLD PERSON TRYING
TO GET INTO HEAVEN NOW. >> DADDY.
TRYING TO GET INTO HEAVEN
NOW. >> DADDY. >> YEAH, DEAR.
DADDY. >> YEAH, DEAR.
UM, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF
YEAH, DEAR. >> UM, WHAT WOULD YOU
DO IF SOMEONE YOU LOVED SWORE YOU TO
UM, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE YOU LOVED
SWORE YOU TO SECRECY, BUT YOU KNEW KEEPING
SOMEONE YOU LOVED SWORE YOU TO SECRECY, BUT
YOU KNEW KEEPING THAT SECRET MIGHT NOT BE TOO
SECRECY, BUT YOU KNEW KEEPING THAT SECRET
MIGHT NOT BE TOO GOOD FOR THAT PERSON?
THAT SECRET MIGHT NOT BE TOO GOOD FOR
THAT PERSON? >> IS THE PERSON WHO HAS SWORN
GOOD FOR THAT PERSON? >> IS THE PERSON
WHO HAS SWORN TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY?
IS THE PERSON WHO HAS SWORN
TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY? >> YEAH.
TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY? >>
YEAH. >> IS THE SECRECY JUICY?
YEAH. >> IS THE
SECRECY JUICY? >> YEAH.
IS THE SECRECY
JUICY? >> YEAH. >> TELL IT.
YEAH. >> TELL IT. >> IF I
TELL YOU, THIS PERSON'S
TELL IT. >> IF I TELL YOU, THIS
PERSON'S GONNA HATE ME FOR THE REST OF
IF I TELL YOU, THIS PERSON'S GONNA
HATE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
GONNA HATE ME FOR THE REST OF
MY LIFE. >> BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR THEIR
MY LIFE. >> BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR
THEIR OWN GOOD, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, YOU
HAVE TO DO IT. >> OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS
OWN GOOD, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. >> OKAY, I'LL
GIVE YOU GUYS A CLUE, THAT WAY I CAN KEEP MY
OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS A CLUE, THAT
WAY I CAN KEEP MY PART OF THE BARGAIN,
A CLUE, THAT WAY I CAN KEEP MY PART OF
THE BARGAIN, BUT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT
PART OF THE BARGAIN, BUT YOU
CAN FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELVES.
BUT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT
FOR YOURSELVES. >> A CLUE?
FOR YOURSELVES.
A CLUE? >> YEAH.
A CLUE? >> YEAH. EAR LOBES.
YEAH. EAR LOBES. EAR LOBES.
EAR LOBES. EAR LOBES.
WHAT ABOUT EAR LOBES?
EAR LOBES. >> WHAT ABOUT EAR
LOBES? >> ALL I'M SAYING IS, DOES EVERY
WHAT ABOUT EAR LOBES? >> ALL I'M SAYING
IS, DOES EVERY EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE HAVE
ALL I'M SAYING IS, DOES EVERY EVERYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE HAVE TWO HEALTHY EAR LOBES?
COME ON, CLIFF, MY EAR
LOBES ARE FINE. >> ONE'S OKAY.
ARE FINE. >> ONE'S
OKAY. TWO'S OKAY.
ONE'S OKAY. TWO'S OKAY.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS.
TWO'S OKAY. >> I LOVE IT WHEN YOU
DO THIS. >> WELL, I'LL GO THE OTHER SIDE.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS. >> WELL,
I'LL GO THE OTHER SIDE. >> OH, COME ON.
WELL, I'LL GO THE OTHER
SIDE. >> OH, COME ON. >> WHO IS IT?
OH, COME ON.
WHO IS IT? >> DAD.
WHO IS IT? >>
DAD. >> HOLD ON!
DAD. >> HOLD ON!
OKAY, COME ON!
HOLD ON! >> OKAY, COME
ON! HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, DAD?
[SINGING] WELL, NEVER GONNA
CLEAN IT UP NO MATTER HOW BUSY IT GETS.
NEVER GONNA CLEAN IT UP NO MATTER HOW BUSY
IT GETS. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA CLEAN IT UP.
SON? >> YEAH, DAD. >>
THERE'S NO MUSIC COMING
YEAH, DAD. >> THERE'S NO MUSIC
COMING THROUGH THE HEADSET.
THERE'S NO MUSIC COMING THROUGH
THE HEADSET. YOU STILL BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S
THROUGH THE HEADSET. YOU STILL
BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN?
YOU STILL BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S
LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN? >> NO.
LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN? >> NO. >>
TAKE THE HEADSET OFF, PLEASE?
NO. >> TAKE THE HEADSET
OFF, PLEASE? >> NOW?
TAKE THE HEADSET OFF, PLEASE? >>
NOW? >> IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU
NOW? >> IS THERE ANY REASON
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM OFF NOW?
IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU
SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM OFF NOW? >> NO.
SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM
OFF NOW? >> NO. >> OKAY.
GUY SURE CAN GET UP, CAN'T HE?
YEAH.
DENISE TOLD YOU, RIGHT? >>
TOLD ME WHAT? >> ABOUT THIS.
TOLD ME WHAT? >> ABOUT
THIS. >> IS THAT A DECAL?
ABOUT THIS. >> IS
THAT A DECAL? >> NO.
IS THAT A DECAL? >> NO.
HAVE YOU BEEN TAGGED BY
NO. >> HAVE YOU BEEN
TAGGED BY THE WILDLIFE SOCIETY?
HAVE YOU BEEN TAGGED BY THE
WILDLIFE SOCIETY? >> IT'S AN EARRING, DAD.
THE WILDLIFE SOCIETY? >> IT'S AN EARRING,
DAD. THERE'S A HOLE THROUGH MY EAR,
IT'S AN EARRING, DAD. THERE'S A HOLE
THROUGH MY EAR, AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE
THERE'S A HOLE THROUGH MY EAR,
AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE INFECTED.
AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE
INFECTED. >> WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
INFECTED. >> WELL, SHE'S
RIGHT. IT IS INFECTED.
WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
IT IS INFECTED. COME ON.
IT IS INFECTED. COME ON. >>
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO ME?
COME ON. >> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
TO ME? >> I AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO ME? >> I
AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR. >> THEN WHAT?
I AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR. >> THEN
WHAT? >> YOU'RE EXPECTING SOME SORT OF
THEN WHAT? >> YOU'RE
EXPECTING SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT?
YOU'RE EXPECTING SOME SORT
OF PUNISHMENT? >> SHOULDN'T I?
PUNISHMENT? >>
SHOULDN'T I? >> YEAH.
OW! CAN'T WE DO THIS
SOMEPLACE ELSE? >> WHY?
CAN'T WE DO THIS SOMEPLACE ELSE?
WHY? BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS FOR
WHY? BECAUSE THIS PLACE
IS FOR PREGNANT WOMEN.
BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS FOR PREGNANT
WOMEN. >> I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS AND
PREGNANT WOMEN. >> I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS
AND A SON AND SOMEHOW I THOUGHT YOU
I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS AND A SON AND SOMEHOW
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT
A SON AND SOMEHOW I THOUGHT YOU
WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT THE EARRING.
WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT
THE EARRING. WHY'D YOU DO IT?
THE EARRING. WHY'D YOU DO
IT? >> WELL, DAD, THE KIDS TODAY,
WHY'D YOU DO IT? >> WELL, DAD,
THE KIDS TODAY, IT'S SORT OF A SIGN OF
WELL, DAD, THE KIDS TODAY, IT'S
SORT OF A SIGN OF INDEPENDENCE.
IT'S SORT OF A SIGN OF
INDEPENDENCE. >> WHO'S THE GIRL?
INDEPENDENCE. >>
WHO'S THE GIRL? >> HUH?
WHO'S THE GIRL? >>
HUH? >> WHO'S THE GIRL?
HUH? >> WHO'S THE
GIRL? >> EUNICE BAKER.
WHO'S THE GIRL? >> EUNICE
BAKER. >> DO YOU LOVE HER?
EUNICE BAKER. >> DO YOU
LOVE HER? >> WELL, I LIKE HER A LOT,
DO YOU LOVE HER? >> WELL, I LIKE HER
A LOT, AND SHE SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH
WELL, I LIKE HER A LOT, AND SHE
SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH AN EARRING.
AND SHE SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH AN
EARRING. >> AND SO NOW YOU COULD WIND UP
AN EARRING. >> AND SO NOW YOU
COULD WIND UP WITH HALF A HEAD, YES,
AND SO NOW YOU COULD WIND UP WITH
HALF A HEAD, YES, BECAUSE OF THE INFECTION.
WITH HALF A HEAD, YES, BECAUSE OF THE
INFECTION. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SON, BECAUSE
BECAUSE OF THE INFECTION. THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
SON, BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SON, BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE IN
STORE FOR YOU IS GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL.
WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GOING
TO BE JUST WONDERFUL. >> WHAT'S THAT?
GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL. >> WHAT'S
THAT? >> WELL, I IMAGINE HE SHOULD BE
WHAT'S THAT? >> WELL, I IMAGINE HE
SHOULD BE HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER
WELL, I IMAGINE HE SHOULD BE
HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER 5 MINUTES.
HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER 5
MINUTES. >> DAD, NOT GRANDPA.
5 MINUTES. >> DAD, NOT
GRANDPA. >> OH, YES, OH, YES.
DAD, NOT GRANDPA. >> OH, YES,
OH, YES. AND GRANDPA IS GOING TO LOVE
OH, YES, OH, YES. AND GRANDPA IS GOING
TO LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOUR
AND GRANDPA IS GOING TO LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS
BECAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER,
YOU KNOW, IS LIKE "THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER."
GRANDFATHER, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE "THE NATIONAL
ENQUIRER." HE LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD
"THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER." HE
LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD STORY.
HE LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD
STORY. >> MAYBE HE WON'T NOTICE.
STORY. >> MAYBE HE WON'T
NOTICE. >> OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO,
MAYBE HE WON'T NOTICE. >>
OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO, MY BOY.
OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO, MY BOY.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT SO THAT HE
MY BOY. WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT
SO THAT HE WILL SEE IT REAL GOOD.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT SO THAT HE WILL SEE IT
REAL GOOD. >> YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS
WILL SEE IT REAL GOOD. >> YOU'RE NOT
GONNA MAKE THIS EASY, ARE YOU, DAD?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS EASY,
ARE YOU, DAD? >> HEY, I COULD HAVE PUT YOUR
EASY, ARE YOU, DAD? >> HEY, I COULD
HAVE PUT YOUR WHOLE HEAD IN A SLING.
HI. HELLO. >> GUESS
WHAT I HAVE HERE.
HELLO. >> GUESS WHAT I
HAVE HERE. >> OH, YOU DIDN'T.
GUESS WHAT I HAVE HERE. >> OH,
YOU DIDN'T. >> I MOST CERTAINLY DID.
OH, YOU DIDN'T. >> I MOST CERTAINLY
DID. MY SOUTH CAROLINA MULTILAYERED
I MOST CERTAINLY DID. MY SOUTH
CAROLINA MULTILAYERED SWEET POTATO PIE.
MY SOUTH CAROLINA MULTILAYERED
SWEET POTATO PIE. >> IT'S INSURANCE AGAINST
SWEET POTATO PIE. >> IT'S INSURANCE
AGAINST A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS
IT'S INSURANCE AGAINST A CERTAIN
SOMEONE WHO HAS A HISTORY OF SCOOPING
A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS A HISTORY
OF SCOOPING THE INSIDE OUT OF PIES.
A HISTORY OF SCOOPING THE INSIDE OUT
OF PIES. >> KIDS, GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE
THE INSIDE OUT OF PIES. >> KIDS,
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE HERE!
KIDS, GRANDMA AND
GRANDPA ARE HERE! >> CLIFF!
HERE! >> CLIFF! >> GRANDMA!
CLIFF! >> GRANDMA!
NOW WALK, NOW WALK.
GRANDMA! >> NOW WALK, NOW
WALK. NOW COME ON OVER HERE AND EACH
NOW WALK, NOW WALK. NOW COME ON OVER
HERE AND EACH ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY
NOW COME ON OVER HERE AND EACH
ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY A BIG KISS.
ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY A BIG
KISS. MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST
A BIG KISS. MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN THE WORLD.
MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN
IN THE WORLD. >> NOW LET'S SEE IF GRANDDADDY
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN THE WORLD. >> NOW LET'S
SEE IF GRANDDADDY HAS ANY MONEY FOR THE CHILDREN.
NOW LET'S SEE IF GRANDDADDY HAS ANY
MONEY FOR THE CHILDREN. >> OH, ME FIRST!
HAS ANY MONEY FOR THE
CHILDREN. >> OH, ME FIRST! >> NO ME!
OH, ME FIRST! >> NO ME! >>
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO ME! >> WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A
MINUTE. DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY THEM
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE
TO BUY THEM A PRESENT, I THINK THAT WOULD BE
DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY THEM A PRESENT, I THINK
THAT WOULD BE FINE, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK
A PRESENT, I THINK THAT WOULD BE FINE, BUT I
REALLY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD PASS OUT MONEY.
FINE, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD PASS
OUT MONEY. >> WELL, YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER.
YOU SHOULD PASS OUT MONEY. >> WELL, YOU HEARD
YOUR MOTHER. WELL, I GUESS NEXT TIME I'LL
WELL, YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER. WELL, I GUESS
NEXT TIME I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOU ALL OUT
WELL, I GUESS NEXT TIME I'LL JUST
HAVE TO TAKE YOU ALL OUT SHOPPING.
JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOU
ALL OUT SHOPPING. >> YAY!
SHOPPING. >> YAY! >>
I NEED SOME HELP IN
YAY! >> I NEED SOME
HELP IN THE KITCHEN.
I NEED SOME HELP IN THE KITCHEN.
WELL, I'M GONNA HOLD THIS ONE
THE KITCHEN. >> WELL, I'M
GONNA HOLD THIS ONE HOSTAGE.
WELL, I'M GONNA HOLD THIS ONE
HOSTAGE. >> MOM, I WANT TO STAY TOO.
HOSTAGE. >> MOM, I WANT TO STAY
TOO. >> VANESSA, VANESSA NOW WE'RE
MOM, I WANT TO STAY TOO. >> VANESSA, VANESSA
NOW WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL EVENING, AND
VANESSA, VANESSA NOW WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL
EVENING, AND YOUR MOTHER NEEDS HELP IN THE
GONNA BE HERE ALL EVENING, AND YOUR
MOTHER NEEDS HELP IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
YOUR MOTHER NEEDS HELP
IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY? >> YUP.
KITCHEN, OKAY? >> YUP.
AH, I'M NOT OF THE "YUP"
YUP. >> AH, I'M NOT
OF THE "YUP" GENERATION.
AH, I'M NOT OF THE "YUP"
GENERATION. NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER IN
GENERATION. NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER
IN THE AFFIRMATIVE, WHAT DO YOU SAY
NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE,
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
THE AFFIRMATIVE, WHAT DO YOU SAY
TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER? >> YES, MA'AM.
TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER? >>
YES, MA'AM. >> OH, THAT'S BETTER.
YES, MA'AM. >> OH, THAT'S
BETTER. NOW RUN ALONG.
OH, THAT'S BETTER. NOW RUN
ALONG. >> YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING
NOW RUN ALONG. >> YOU KNOW
YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER
EVERY DAY. >> IT'S GETTING EASIER TO TIE
PRETTIER EVERY DAY. >> IT'S
GETTING EASIER TO TIE MY SHOES.
IT'S GETTING EASIER TO
TIE MY SHOES. >> IS IT, BABY.
WELL, MY BOY! >> JUST
TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO ME.
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO
ME. ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I TRAVEL
TO ME. ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I
TRAVEL ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU
ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I TRAVEL ON, YOU'RE GONNA
BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SPEND MORE TIME WITH...
ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SPEND MORE
TIME WITH... >> MORE TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER,
DIDN'T SPEND MORE TIME WITH... >>
MORE TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER, YES.
MORE TIME WITH YOUR
MOTHER, YES. HOW ARE YOU?
YES. HOW ARE YOU? >> OH, HI.
HOW ARE YOU? >> OH, HI.
ARE YOU STILL DELIVERING
OH, HI. >> ARE YOU STILL
DELIVERING ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN?
ARE YOU STILL DELIVERING
ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN? >> YUP.
ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN?
YUP. >> HEATHCLIFF.
YUP. >> HEATHCLIFF.
YES, MA'AM.
HEATHCLIFF. >> YES, MA'AM.
HOW WAS THE TRIP OVER?
YES, MA'AM. >> HOW WAS THE TRIP
OVER? >> OH, IT WAS FINE UNTIL WE HAD
HOW WAS THE TRIP OVER? >> OH, IT WAS
FINE UNTIL WE HAD TO FIND A PARKING SPOT.
OH, IT WAS FINE UNTIL WE HAD TO FIND A
PARKING SPOT. >> I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD PAY
TO FIND A PARKING SPOT. >> I TOLD YOU THAT
I WOULD PAY FOR YOU TO PARK IN THE GARAGE.
I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD PAY FOR YOU TO PARK
IN THE GARAGE. >> YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR,
FOR YOU TO PARK IN THE GARAGE. >>
YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR, NO, SIR.
YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR, NO,
SIR. I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY LEGAL
NO, SIR. I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY
LEGAL SPOT LESS THAN A MILE FROM HERE.
I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY LEGAL SPOT LESS THAN
A MILE FROM HERE. >> BY COMING IN ONE HOUR AND
SPOT LESS THAN A MILE FROM HERE. >> BY COMING
IN ONE HOUR AND A HALF AHEAD OF TIME PLANTING
BY COMING IN ONE HOUR AND A HALF AHEAD OF
TIME PLANTING HIMSELF AT THE HEAD OF THE BLOCK
A HALF AHEAD OF TIME PLANTING HIMSELF AT THE HEAD
OF THE BLOCK AND THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO
HIMSELF AT THE HEAD OF THE BLOCK AND
THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO PULL OUT.
AND THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO
PULL OUT. >> THE SITTERS GET THE SPOTS.
PULL OUT. >> THE SITTERS GET THE
SPOTS. IT'S THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE
THE SITTERS GET THE SPOTS. IT'S
THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE THE PROBLEMS.
IT'S THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE THE
PROBLEMS. I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO ROUND
THE PROBLEMS. I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO
ROUND AND ROUND AND BY THE TIME THEY
I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO ROUND AND ROUND AND BY
THE TIME THEY FINALLY SEE SOMETHING OPENING
AND ROUND AND BY THE TIME THEY FINALLY SEE
SOMETHING OPENING UP, THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER
FINALLY SEE SOMETHING OPENING UP,
THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER LAYING CLAIM TO IT.
UP, THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER LAYING
CLAIM TO IT. >> WHERE YOU GOING, SON?
LAYING CLAIM TO IT. >> WHERE YOU GOING,
SON? >> YEAH, COME OVER HERE AND SAY
WHERE YOU GOING, SON? >> YEAH, COME
OVER HERE AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR GRANDDAD.
YEAH, COME OVER HERE AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR
GRANDDAD. >> I DON'T REMEMBER HIM SAYING
HELLO TO YOUR GRANDDAD. >> I DON'T
REMEMBER HIM SAYING "HELLO" TO ME EITHER.
I DON'T REMEMBER HIM SAYING
"HELLO" TO ME EITHER. >> HI, GRANDMA.
"HELLO" TO ME EITHER.
HI, GRANDMA. >> HI.
HI, GRANDMA. >>
HI. >> HEY, GRANDPA.
HI. >> HEY, GRANDPA. >>
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EAR?
HEY, GRANDPA. >> WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU EAR? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EAR? >> I WALKED
INTO A DOOR. >> I DO THAT SOMETIMES MYSELF.
I WALKED INTO A DOOR. >> I DO THAT SOMETIMES
MYSELF. >> WHY DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM
I DO THAT SOMETIMES MYSELF. >> WHY
DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM IN THE KITCHEN?
WHY DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM IN THE
KITCHEN? >> GRANDMA, YOU WANT TO COME?
IN THE KITCHEN? >> GRANDMA,
YOU WANT TO COME? >> SURE.
GRANDMA, YOU WANT TO
COME? >> SURE. EXCUSE US.
SURE. EXCUSE
US. >> EXCUSE US.
EXCUSE US. >> EXCUSE US. >>
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO YOU
EXCUSE US. >> WHAT REALLY
HAPPENED TO YOU EAR, SON?
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO YOU
EAR, SON? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
EAR, SON? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
OH, COME ON, I HEARD THAT OLD
I WALKED INTO A DOOR. >> OH, COME ON, I
HEARD THAT OLD WALKED INTO A DOOR LIE FROM
OH, COME ON, I HEARD THAT OLD WALKED
INTO A DOOR LIE FROM YOUR DAD BACK IN '49.
WALKED INTO A DOOR LIE FROM YOUR DAD
BACK IN '49. >> OKAY, GRANDPA, I GOT MY EAR
YOUR DAD BACK IN '49. >> OKAY,
GRANDPA, I GOT MY EAR PIERCED.
OKAY, GRANDPA, I GOT MY
EAR PIERCED. >> ON PURPOSE?
PIERCED. >> ON
PURPOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY.
ON PURPOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY.
YOUR GRANDSON WAS TOLD BY A GIRL
ABSOLUTELY. YOUR GRANDSON WAS
TOLD BY A GIRL THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN
YOUR GRANDSON WAS TOLD BY A GIRL
THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN AN EARRING.
THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN AN
EARRING. SO HE WENT TO... WHERE DID YOU GO?
AN EARRING. SO HE WENT TO... WHERE
DID YOU GO? >> COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
SO HE WENT TO... WHERE DID YOU GO? >>
COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> COCKROACH'S GARAGE AND HAD
COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> COCKROACH'S
GARAGE AND HAD HIS EAR PIERCED BY... WHAT
COCKROACH'S GARAGE AND HAD HIS EAR PIERCED
BY... WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE PERSON?
HIS EAR PIERCED BY... WHAT IS THE NAME OF
THE PERSON? >> IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
IS THE NAME OF THE PERSON? >> IT WAS HIS
SISTER, TOOTSIE. >> HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. >> HIS
SISTER, TOOTSIE. WHO PROBABLY LINED HIM UP
HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. WHO PROBABLY
LINED HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL AND THREW
WHO PROBABLY LINED HIM UP AGAINST
THE WALL AND THREW A JAVELIN AT 60 FEET.
AGAINST THE WALL AND THREW A
JAVELIN AT 60 FEET. >> I GET THE PICTURE.
A JAVELIN AT 60 FEET. >> I GET THE
PICTURE. >> ALL RIGHT, THEN GOOD.
I GET THE PICTURE. >> ALL RIGHT,
THEN GOOD. I'LL JUST LET YOU HANDLE
ALL RIGHT, THEN GOOD. I'LL JUST
LET YOU HANDLE THE GOOD PART.
I'LL JUST LET YOU HANDLE THE GOOD
PART. >> NO, I HAVE NO INTENTION ON
THE GOOD PART. >> NO, I HAVE NO
INTENTION ON COMING DOWN HARD ON THE BOY.
NO, I HAVE NO INTENTION ON COMING
DOWN HARD ON THE BOY. >> YOU DON'T?
COMING DOWN HARD ON THE BOY. >> YOU
DON'T? >> NO, YOUNG MEN IN LOVE WILL DO
YOU DON'T? >> NO, YOUNG
MEN IN LOVE WILL DO CRAZY THINGS.
NO, YOUNG MEN IN LOVE WILL DO
CRAZY THINGS. WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS 15...
CRAZY THINGS. WHEN YOUR
FATHER WAS 15... >> UH, DAD.
WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS 15... >>
UH, DAD. >> NO, NO, NO, IT'S GOOD FOR
UH, DAD. >> NO, NO,
NO, IT'S GOOD FOR HIM.
NO, NO, NO, IT'S GOOD FOR
HIM. IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER
HIM. IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL
BETTER ABOUT WHAT HE DID.
IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT
WHAT HE DID. >> I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM
ABOUT WHAT HE DID. >> I'M NOT
INTERESTED IN HIM FEELING BETTER, OKAY?
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM
FEELING BETTER, OKAY? >> SIT DOWN.
FEELING BETTER, OKAY? >> SIT
DOWN. NOW WHEN YOUR FATHER...
SIT DOWN. NOW WHEN
YOUR FATHER... >> DAD.
NOW WHEN YOUR FATHER... >>
DAD. >> WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND,
DAD. >> WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND,
LEX THOMPSON, A BOY WHO WAS LEFT
WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND, LEX THOMPSON, A
BOY WHO WAS LEFT BACK TWICE, DECIDED THAT THEY
LEX THOMPSON, A BOY WHO WAS LEFT BACK TWICE,
DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN HAIR
BACK TWICE, DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD
STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN HAIR IN LEX'S CELLAR.
WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN
HAIR IN LEX'S CELLAR. >> WHAT?
IN LEX'S CELLAR. >> WHAT?
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
WHAT? THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE TOOK
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. >> IT ALL STARTED
WHEN HE TOOK A PRETTY YOUNG LADY TO
IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE TOOK A PRETTY
YOUNG LADY TO THE OLD EARL THEATER AND SAW
A PRETTY YOUNG LADY TO THE OLD EARL
THEATER AND SAW A GROUP CALLED THE ICICLES
THE OLD EARL THEATER AND SAW A GROUP
CALLED THE ICICLES WITH BREEZY BROWN.
A GROUP CALLED THE ICICLES WITH
BREEZY BROWN. WELL, BREEZY BROWN HAD
WITH BREEZY BROWN. WELL, BREEZY
BROWN HAD STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR.
WELL, BREEZY BROWN HAD STRAIGHTENED
HIS HAIR. WELL, MOST OF THE SINGERS
STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR. WELL, MOST OF
THE SINGERS STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR
WELL, MOST OF THE SINGERS
STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR BACK THEN.
STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR BACK
THEN. AND YOUR FATHER'S DATE
BACK THEN. AND YOUR
FATHER'S DATE WENT WILD.
AND YOUR FATHER'S DATE WENT
WILD. WELL, RIGHT THEN AND THERE HE
WENT WILD. WELL, RIGHT THEN AND
THERE HE DECIDED HE WAS GONNA LOSE THAT
WELL, RIGHT THEN AND THERE HE DECIDED HE WAS
GONNA LOSE THAT IF HE DIDN'T FORM A SINGING
DECIDED HE WAS GONNA LOSE THAT IF HE DIDN'T
FORM A SINGING GROUP AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR.
IF HE DIDN'T FORM A SINGING GROUP
AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >> HA, HA!
GROUP AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >>
HA, HA! YOU DID ALL THAT FOR A GIRL?
HA, HA! YOU DID ALL THAT FOR
A GIRL? >> ONE PARTICULAR GIRL.
YOU DID ALL THAT FOR A GIRL? >> ONE PARTICULAR
GIRL. >> YOU SEE, SON, IN THOSE DAYS
ONE PARTICULAR GIRL. >> YOU SEE, SON, IN
THOSE DAYS PEOPLE USED TO STRAIGHTEN THEIR
YOU SEE, SON, IN THOSE DAYS PEOPLE USED TO
STRAIGHTEN THEIR HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED
PEOPLE USED TO STRAIGHTEN THEIR
HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED CONCEALENE.
HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED
CONCEALENE. WELL, IT COST MONEY AND YOUR
CONCEALENE. WELL, IT COST MONEY
AND YOUR FATHER WAS FLAT BROKE AT THAT
WELL, IT COST MONEY AND YOUR FATHER WAS FLAT
BROKE AT THAT TIME, SO HE AND LEX MIXED UP
FATHER WAS FLAT BROKE AT THAT TIME, SO
HE AND LEX MIXED UP THEIR OWN SOLUTION.
TIME, SO HE AND LEX MIXED UP THEIR OWN
SOLUTION. POTATO PEELS, CORN SYRUP AND
THEIR OWN SOLUTION. POTATO PEELS,
CORN SYRUP AND A TOUCH OF NITROGLYCERIN.
POTATO PEELS, CORN SYRUP AND A TOUCH OF
NITROGLYCERIN. THEN THIS MAN, A FUTURE DOCTOR,
A TOUCH OF NITROGLYCERIN. THEN THIS MAN, A
FUTURE DOCTOR, HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS
THEN THIS MAN, A FUTURE DOCTOR,
HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS HEAD.
HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS
HEAD. >> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
HEAD. >> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
IT BURNED ALL MY HAIR.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? >> IT
BURNED ALL MY HAIR. IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
IT BURNED ALL MY HAIR. IT WASN'T
THAT BAD. >> IT WASN'T THAT BAD?
IT WASN'T THAT BAD. >> IT WASN'T
THAT BAD? HE SHOT OUT OF THERE LIKE
IT WASN'T THAT BAD? HE SHOT OUT OF
THERE LIKE A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S DOG ASIDE
HE SHOT OUT OF THERE LIKE A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S
DOG ASIDE AND THEN TRIED TO STICK HIS HEAD
A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S DOG ASIDE AND THEN TRIED
TO STICK HIS HEAD IN THE DOG'S WATER DISH.
AND THEN TRIED TO STICK HIS HEAD IN THE DOG'S
WATER DISH. >> YOU MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED
IN THE DOG'S WATER DISH. >> YOU
MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED THAT GIRL.
YOU MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED THAT
GIRL. WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
THAT GIRL. WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO HER? >> SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW.
WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW. >> MOM?
SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW. >> MOM?
YOU BURNED ALL THE HAIR OFF YOUR
MOM? YOU BURNED ALL THE
HAIR OFF YOUR HEAD FOR MOM?
YOU BURNED ALL THE HAIR OFF
YOUR HEAD FOR MOM? >> OH, MY GOD!
HEAD FOR MOM? >> OH,
MY GOD! >> LET HIM BE.
OH, MY GOD! >> LET
HIM BE. >> GUESS WHAT!
LET HIM BE. >>
GUESS WHAT! >> AH!
GUESS WHAT! >> AH! ONE
OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GOING
AH! ONE OF THESE DAYS,
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED SOME MONEY.
ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GOING TO NEED
SOME MONEY. >> WELL, IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU
TO NEED SOME MONEY. >> WELL,
IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU TELL HIM?
WELL, IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU
TELL HIM? >> IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
TELL HIM? >> IT WOULD BE MY
PLEASURE. CLAIR, WHAT IS THE CRAZIEST
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE. CLAIR, WHAT IS THE
CRAZIEST THING THAT A CERTAIN YOUNG MAN,
CLAIR, WHAT IS THE CRAZIEST THING THAT A CERTAIN
YOUNG MAN, I'M NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO
THING THAT A CERTAIN YOUNG MAN, I'M
NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO IMPRESS YOU?
I'M NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO IMPRESS
YOU? >> OH, YOU MEAN THAT TIME CLIFF
IMPRESS YOU? >> OH, YOU MEAN THAT
TIME CLIFF DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR.
OH, YOU MEAN THAT TIME CLIFF DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN
HIS HAIR. >> DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR
DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >>
DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR FOR YOU?
DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS
HAIR FOR YOU? >> WELL, HE TRIED
FOR YOU? >> WELL, HE
TRIED BUT IT ALL FELL OUT.
WELL, HE TRIED BUT IT ALL
FELL OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BUT IT ALL FELL OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. >> SO YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> SO
YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF FONDLY.
SO YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF
FONDLY. >> OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
FONDLY. >> OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET
IT. >> WELL, YOUR SON, FOR THE LOVE
OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. >> WELL, YOUR
SON, FOR THE LOVE OF A PRETTY YOUNG LADY,
WELL, YOUR SON, FOR THE LOVE OF A PRETTY
YOUNG LADY, HAS DONE SOMETHING A LITTLE
OF A PRETTY YOUNG LADY, HAS DONE
SOMETHING A LITTLE FOOLISH HIMSELF.
HAS DONE SOMETHING A LITTLE FOOLISH
HIMSELF. NOW PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
FOOLISH HIMSELF. NOW
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T GET MAD.
NOW PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
GET MAD. >> OKAY, I PROMISE.
GET MAD. >> OKAY, I PROMISE.
HE HAD HIS EAR PIERCED.
OKAY, I PROMISE. >> HE HAD
HIS EAR PIERCED. >> I'LL KILL HIM.
HE HAD HIS EAR PIERCED. >> I'LL
KILL HIM. >> NOW HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'LL KILL HIM. >> NOW HOLD ON,
WAIT A MINUTE, THE BOY MADE A MISTAKE.
NOW HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, THE BOY
MADE A MISTAKE. IN THAT RESPECT, HE'S A LOT
THE BOY MADE A MISTAKE. IN THAT
RESPECT, HE'S A LOT LIKE HIS FATHER.
IN THAT RESPECT, HE'S A LOT LIKE HIS
FATHER. MANY IS THE TIME I PULLED HIM
LIKE HIS FATHER. MANY IS THE TIME I
PULLED HIM OUT OF TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT
MANY IS THE TIME I PULLED HIM OUT OF
TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT AFTER PREDICAMENT.
OUT OF TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT AFTER
PREDICAMENT. BUT I WAS PATIENT AND
AFTER PREDICAMENT. BUT I WAS PATIENT
AND UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT.
BUT I WAS PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING AND
TOLERANT. >> RUSSELL, HOW COULD YOU TELL
UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT. >> RUSSELL,
HOW COULD YOU TELL A STORY LIKE THAT?
RUSSELL, HOW COULD YOU TELL A STORY
LIKE THAT? WHEN HEATHCLIFF CAME HOME
A STORY LIKE THAT? WHEN HEATHCLIFF
CAME HOME WITH A SIZZLING SCALP.
WHEN HEATHCLIFF CAME HOME WITH A SIZZLING
SCALP. YOU WERE NOT VERY UNDERSTANDING.
WITH A SIZZLING SCALP. YOU WERE NOT VERY
UNDERSTANDING. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE
YOU WERE NOT VERY UNDERSTANDING. ESPECIALLY
CONSIDERING THE LITTLE MATTER OF A CERTAIN
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE
LITTLE MATTER OF A CERTAIN TATTOO.
LITTLE MATTER OF A
CERTAIN TATTOO. >> HUSH.
TATTOO. >> HUSH. >> TATTOO?
HUSH. >>
TATTOO? >> LET'S EAT.
TATTOO? >> LET'S EAT. >>
WHAT TATTOO'S SHE TALKING
LET'S EAT. >> WHAT
TATTOO'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT TATTOO'S SHE TALKING
ABOUT? NO, DINNER WON'T BE READY
ABOUT? NO, DINNER WON'T
BE READY FOR A WHILE.
NO, DINNER WON'T BE READY
FOR A WHILE. WHAT TATTOO.
FOR A WHILE. WHAT TATTOO.
I'LL HAVE SOME CHEESE.
WHAT TATTOO. >> I'LL HAVE SOME
CHEESE. NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT IS
I'LL HAVE SOME CHEESE. NOW I REALLY DON'T
THINK THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE ISSUE TO DISCUSS
NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE
ISSUE TO DISCUSS IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY.
AN APPROPRIATE ISSUE TO DISCUSS IN FRONT OF
THE FAMILY. >> HEATHCLIFF, WHEN YOUR FATHER
IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY. >> HEATHCLIFF, WHEN
YOUR FATHER WAS THEODORE'S AGE, HE WAS
HEATHCLIFF, WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS THEODORE'S
AGE, HE WAS ENAMORED OF ME TO SUCH AN EXTENT
WAS THEODORE'S AGE, HE WAS ENAMORED OF ME TO
SUCH AN EXTENT THAT HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED
ENAMORED OF ME TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT
HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED ACROSS HIS CHEST.
THAT HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED
ACROSS HIS CHEST. >> HE DID WHAT?
ACROSS HIS CHEST. >> HE DID
WHAT? >> WHEN I HEARD WHAT RUSSELL
HE DID WHAT? >> WHEN I HEARD WHAT
RUSSELL HAD DONE, I WAS ENORMOUSLY
WHEN I HEARD WHAT RUSSELL HAD DONE, I WAS
ENORMOUSLY FLATTERED, UNTIL I SAW MY NAME
HAD DONE, I WAS ENORMOUSLY FLATTERED,
UNTIL I SAW MY NAME WAS MISSPELLED.
FLATTERED, UNTIL I SAW MY NAME WAS
MISSPELLED. AS I UNDERSTOOD IT, HE WENT TO
WAS MISSPELLED. AS I UNDERSTOOD IT,
HE WENT TO THE BEST TATTOO MAN IN THE
AS I UNDERSTOOD IT, HE WENT TO THE BEST
TATTOO MAN IN THE COUNTY, HOT NEEDLE HARRIS.
THE BEST TATTOO MAN IN THE COUNTY,
HOT NEEDLE HARRIS. IT WAS... WHEN WAS IT?
COUNTY, HOT NEEDLE HARRIS. IT
WAS... WHEN WAS IT? FEBRUARY, THE MIDDLE OF
IT WAS... WHEN WAS IT? FEBRUARY, THE
MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY, AND RUSSELL HAD
FEBRUARY, THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY,
AND RUSSELL HAD A TERRIBLE COLD.
FEBRUARY, AND RUSSELL HAD A TERRIBLE
COLD. SO WHEN HE WENT TO HOT NEEDLE
A TERRIBLE COLD. SO WHEN HE WENT TO
HOT NEEDLE AND TOLD HIM TO WRITE "ANNA" HIS
SO WHEN HE WENT TO HOT NEEDLE AND TOLD HIM TO
WRITE "ANNA" HIS NOSE WAS CLOGGED UP AND IT
AND TOLD HIM TO WRITE "ANNA" HIS NOSE WAS
CLOGGED UP AND IT SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA," A-D-D-A.
NOSE WAS CLOGGED UP AND IT SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA,"
A-D-D-A. AT THAT TIME MY CHIEF RIVAL FOR
SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA," A-D-D-A. AT THAT TIME MY
CHIEF RIVAL FOR RUSSELL'S AFFECTION WAS A GIRL
AT THAT TIME MY CHIEF RIVAL FOR RUSSELL'S
AFFECTION WAS A GIRL NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS.
RUSSELL'S AFFECTION WAS A GIRL
NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS. >> OH, NO.
NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS.
OH, NO. >> OH, YES.
OH, NO. >> OH, YES. THE
LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED ABOUT
OH, YES. THE LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED
ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF DOWN THE ROAD,
THE LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED ABOUT A MILE AND A
HALF DOWN THE ROAD, AND SHE THOUGHT THAT THE SUN
A MILE AND A HALF DOWN THE ROAD, AND SHE THOUGHT
THAT THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL SHE WOKE UP.
AND SHE THOUGHT THAT THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL
SHE WOKE UP. OF COURSE, I INSISTED THAT HE
DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL SHE WOKE UP. OF COURSE, I
INSISTED THAT HE REMOVE THE TATTOO, AND THAT LEFT
OF COURSE, I INSISTED THAT HE REMOVE THE
TATTOO, AND THAT LEFT THE SCAR ON HIS CHEST.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU GOT THAT SCAR IN WORLD WAR
II FIGHTING OFF A GERMAN NAZI PANZER ATTACK.
SCAR IN WORLD WAR II FIGHTING OFF A GERMAN NAZI
PANZER ATTACK. >> SON, THAT WAS THE BEST WAY I
OFF A GERMAN NAZI PANZER ATTACK. >> SON, THAT WAS
THE BEST WAY I COULD THINK OF TO DESCRIBE WHAT
SON, THAT WAS THE BEST WAY I COULD THINK OF TO
DESCRIBE WHAT I WENT THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER
COULD THINK OF TO DESCRIBE WHAT I WENT
THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER SAW THAT TATTOO...
I WENT THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER
SAW THAT TATTOO... >> I'M SHOCKED.
SAW THAT TATTOO... >> I'M SHOCKED.
YOU HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY.
I'M SHOCKED. >> YOU
HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY. >> YES.
YOU HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY. >>
YES. >> BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR WOMEN.
YES. >> BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR
WOMEN. >> BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THE THINGS
BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR WOMEN. >> BUT NOT
BECAUSE OF THE THINGS YOU DO, DESPITE THEM.
BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THE THINGS
YOU DO, DESPITE THEM. >> THEODORE.
YOU DO, DESPITE THEM. >>
THEODORE. WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
THEODORE. WELCOME TO THE
CLUB. >> THE THREE HUXTABLE MEN,
WELCOME TO THE CLUB. >> THE THREE
HUXTABLE MEN, SCAR CHEST, SKIN HEAD
THE THREE HUXTABLE MEN, SCAR
CHEST, SKIN HEAD AND HOLE IN THE LOBE.
[MUSIC]
"THE COSBY SHOW" IS TAPED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
HEY! >> HEY, SIS. >>
YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?
HEY, SIS. >> YOU
GOING SOMEWHERE? >> NO.
YOU GOING SOMEWHERE?
NO. I SPENT THE WEEKEND AT
NO. I SPENT THE WEEKEND
AT COCKROACH'S HOUSE.
I SPENT THE WEEKEND AT COCKROACH'S
HOUSE. I'M YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU DIDN'T
COCKROACH'S HOUSE. I'M YOUR BROTHER,
AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE I WAS GONE.
I'M YOUR BROTHER, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
I WAS GONE. >> NOPE, BUT WELCOME HOME.
EVEN NOTICE I WAS GONE. >> NOPE, BUT
WELCOME HOME. >> COME ON IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA
NOPE, BUT WELCOME HOME. >> COME ON
IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
COME ON IN MY ROOM, I GOTTA SHOW YOU
SOMETHING. >> OH, YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN
SHOW YOU SOMETHING. >> OH,
YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN THERE.
OH, YOU KNOW I HATE GOING IN
THERE. IT'S OKAY, I CLEANED IT UP
THERE. IT'S OKAY, I
CLEANED IT UP BEFORE I LEFT.
IT'S OKAY, I CLEANED IT UP BEFORE I
LEFT. >> HEY, IT DOES LOOK BETTER.
BEFORE I LEFT. >> HEY, IT
DOES LOOK BETTER. WHAT'S UP?
HEY, IT DOES LOOK
BETTER. WHAT'S UP? >> THIS.
WHAT'S UP? >> THIS. >>
AH, THEO AN EARRING!
THIS. >> AH, THEO AN
EARRING! >> I HAD IT DONE FRIDAY
AH, THEO AN EARRING! >> I
HAD IT DONE FRIDAY AFTER SCHOOL.
I HAD IT DONE FRIDAY
AFTER SCHOOL. >> THAT'S GREAT!
AFTER SCHOOL. >> THAT'S
GREAT! IT LOOKS FANTASTIC!
THAT'S GREAT! IT LOOKS FANTASTIC!
AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS?
IT LOOKS FANTASTIC! >> AND YOU KNOW WHAT
IT SAYS? THAT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY
AND YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAYS? THAT I'M
OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
THAT I'M OLD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN
DECISIONS. >> WAIT, THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS
OWN DECISIONS. >> WAIT,
THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS RED.
WAIT, THEO, YOUR EAR LOOKS
RED. >> IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING
RED. >> IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING
IN MY EAR, THAT'S MY BUSINESS.
IF I WANT TO PUT AN EARRING IN MY EAR,
THAT'S MY BUSINESS. >> THEO, IT LOOKS PUFFY.
IN MY EAR, THAT'S MY BUSINESS. >> THEO, IT
LOOKS PUFFY. >> WHEN PEOPLE SEE THIS, THEY
THEO, IT LOOKS PUFFY. >> WHEN PEOPLE
SEE THIS, THEY GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH
WHEN PEOPLE SEE THIS, THEY
GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH A MAN.
GONNA KNOW THEY DEALING WITH A
MAN. >> THEO, YOU BETTER LET DAD
A MAN. >> THEO, YOU BETTER
LET DAD TAKE A LOOK AT IT.
THEO, YOU BETTER LET DAD TAKE
A LOOK AT IT. >> LET WHO LOOK AT IT?
TAKE A LOOK AT IT. >>
LET WHO LOOK AT IT? OOH!
LET WHO LOOK AT
IT? OOH! >> THAT HURTS?
OOH! >> THAT HURTS?
I THINK IT'S INFECTED.
THAT HURTS? I THINK
IT'S INFECTED. >> IT IS?
I THINK IT'S INFECTED. >> IT IS?
YEAH, WHERE'D YOU HAVE IT
IT IS? >> YEAH, WHERE'D
YOU HAVE IT DONE?
YEAH, WHERE'D YOU HAVE IT
DONE? >> AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
DONE? >> AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
YOU LET COCKROACH PIERCE
AT COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> YOU
LET COCKROACH PIERCE YOUR EAR?
YOU LET COCKROACH PIERCE
YOUR EAR? >> HEY, I'M NOT CRAZY,
YOUR EAR? >> HEY, I'M NOT
CRAZY, IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
HEY, I'M NOT CRAZY, IT WAS HIS SISTER,
TOOTSIE. >> TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH
IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. >>
TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL.
TOOTSIE'S IN JUNIOR HIGH
SCHOOL. >> BUT SHE DOES THIS ON
SCHOOL. >> BUT SHE DOES THIS ON
THE SIDE, AND SHE ONLY CHARGES
BUT SHE DOES THIS ON THE SIDE,
AND SHE ONLY CHARGES 99 CENTS.
THE SIDE, AND SHE ONLY CHARGES 99
CENTS. >> IF YOU DON'T LET DAD TAKE
99 CENTS. >> IF YOU DON'T LET
DAD TAKE A LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA
IF YOU DON'T LET DAD TAKE A
LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA GET WORSE.
A LOOK AT, IT'S JUST GONNA GET
WORSE. >> BUT THIS IS JUST AN EAR.
GET WORSE. >> BUT THIS IS JUST
AN EAR. IF DAD FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE
BUT THIS IS JUST AN EAR. IF DAD
FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE BODY'S IN DANGER.
IF DAD FINDS OUT, MY WHOLE
BODY'S IN DANGER. >> DENISE.
BODY'S IN DANGER. >> DENISE.
HEY, I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN
DENISE. >> HEY, I DIDN'T SAY
YOU CAN COME INTO MY ROOM.
HEY, I DIDN'T SAY YOU CAN COME INTO
MY ROOM. >> I DON'T WANT TO COME INTO
COME INTO MY ROOM. >> I DON'T
WANT TO COME INTO YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT TO COME INTO YOUR
ROOM. >> THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
YOUR ROOM. >> THEN WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE? >> WELL, DENISE IS HERE.
THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE? >> WELL, DENISE IS HERE. >> SO.
WELL, DENISE IS HERE. >>
SO. >> IF YOU ARE IN THEO'S ROOM,
SO. >> IF YOU ARE IN
THEO'S ROOM, SOMETHING IS UP.
IF YOU ARE IN THEO'S ROOM,
SOMETHING IS UP. >> NOTHING'S UP, VANESSA.
SOMETHING IS UP. >> NOTHING'S UP,
VANESSA. >> OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA
NOTHING'S UP, VANESSA. >> OKAY,
BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA FIND OUT ANYWAY.
OKAY, BUT YOU KNOW I'M GONNA
FIND OUT ANYWAY. I HAVE MY WAYS.
CLIFF!
OH!
JUST HAVING A LITTLE TASTE,
DEAR. >> THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR MOM
DEAR. >> THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR
MOM AND DAD AFTER DINNER.
THIS PIE IS FOR YOUR MOM AND DAD
AFTER DINNER. >> MY FOLKS WILL NOT NOTICE.
AND DAD AFTER DINNER. >> MY FOLKS
WILL NOT NOTICE. >> THEY DID THE LAST TIME.
MY FOLKS WILL NOT NOTICE. >>
THEY DID THE LAST TIME. >> HOW?
THEY DID THE LAST TIME. >> HOW?
BECAUSE WHEN WE CUT INTO IT,
HOW? >> BECAUSE WHEN
WE CUT INTO IT, IT WAS HOLLOW.
BECAUSE WHEN WE CUT INTO IT, IT
WAS HOLLOW. >> LOOK, MY FOLKS ARE NOT
IT WAS HOLLOW. >> LOOK, MY FOLKS
ARE NOT COMING OVER HERE TO EAT.
LOOK, MY FOLKS ARE NOT COMING OVER
HERE TO EAT. THEY'RE COMING OVER HERE TO
COMING OVER HERE TO EAT. THEY'RE
COMING OVER HERE TO SPOIL THE CHILDREN.
THEY'RE COMING OVER HERE TO SPOIL THE
CHILDREN. >> WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?
SPOIL THE CHILDREN. >> WELL, WHAT DO
YOU EXPECT? THEY'RE GRANDPARENTS.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? THEY'RE
GRANDPARENTS. >> RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS
THEY'RE GRANDPARENTS. >>
RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS ALL RIGHT.
RIGHT, GRANDPARENTS ALL RIGHT.
THESE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE
ALL RIGHT. THESE ARE NOT THE
SAME PEOPLE I GREW UP WITH.
THESE ARE NOT THE SAME PEOPLE I GREW
UP WITH. THESE ARE THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITES
I GREW UP WITH. THESE ARE THE
BIGGEST HYPOCRITES YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
THESE ARE THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITES YOU'VE
EVER SEEN. NO, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,
YOU'VE EVER SEEN. NO, I'M TELLING YOU
RIGHT NOW, MY FATHER COMES THROUGH THAT
NO, I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, MY FATHER
COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, GOES INTO HIS POCKET,
MY FATHER COMES THROUGH THAT DOOR, GOES INTO
HIS POCKET, PULLS OUT A HANDFUL OF MONEY.
DOOR, GOES INTO HIS POCKET, PULLS OUT A HANDFUL
OF MONEY. "WELL, LET'S SEE IF GRANDDAD HAS
PULLS OUT A HANDFUL OF MONEY. "WELL, LET'S SEE
IF GRANDDAD HAS ANY MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL
"WELL, LET'S SEE IF GRANDDAD HAS ANY
MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL CHILDREN."
ANY MONEY FOR THESE WONDERFUL
CHILDREN." THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO, WHEN
CHILDREN." THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO,
WHEN I WAS HIS CHILD, I WOULD ASK HIM
THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO, WHEN I WAS HIS CHILD,
I WOULD ASK HIM FOR 50 CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL
I WAS HIS CHILD, I WOULD ASK HIM FOR 50
CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL ME HIS LIFE STORY.
FOR 50 CENTS, THE MAN WOULD TELL ME
HIS LIFE STORY. THIS MAN WOULD TELL ME HOW
ME HIS LIFE STORY. THIS MAN WOULD TELL
ME HOW AT AGE 5, HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK
THIS MAN WOULD TELL ME HOW AT AGE 5,
HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK EVERY MORNING.
AT AGE 5, HE WOKE UP 4 O'CLOCK EVERY
MORNING. HAD NO ALARM CLOCK, HAD NO
EVERY MORNING. HAD NO ALARM
CLOCK, HAD NO ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF
HAD NO ALARM CLOCK, HAD NO
ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
ROOSTER, JUST A SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY.
SNOW WAS UP TO HERE, HAD NO
RESPONSIBILITY. SNOW WAS UP TO HERE,
HAD NO SHOES, BUT HE WALKED THROUGH
SNOW WAS UP TO HERE, HAD NO SHOES, BUT
HE WALKED THROUGH A BLIZZARD, BACKWARDS.
SHOES, BUT HE WALKED THROUGH A BLIZZARD,
BACKWARDS. AND I'VE TALKED TO OTHER PEOPLE
A BLIZZARD, BACKWARDS. AND I'VE TALKED TO
OTHER PEOPLE WITH FATHERS AND FIND OUT THAT
AND I'VE TALKED TO OTHER PEOPLE WITH FATHERS AND
FIND OUT THAT FATHERS ARE THE LYINGEST PEOPLE
WITH FATHERS AND FIND OUT THAT FATHERS ARE
THE LYINGEST PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH.
FATHERS ARE THE LYINGEST PEOPLE ON
THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. NO, I HAVE A FRIEND
ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH. NO, I
HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS PUERTO RICAN.
NO, I HAVE A FRIEND WHO IS PUERTO
RICAN. HIS FATHER WAS BROUGHT UP IN
WHO IS PUERTO RICAN. HIS FATHER WAS
BROUGHT UP IN SAN JUAN, WALKED THROUGH
HIS FATHER WAS BROUGHT UP IN SAN JUAN,
WALKED THROUGH THE SNOW IN SAN... MY FATHER
SAN JUAN, WALKED THROUGH THE SNOW IN SAN...
MY FATHER FOUND A JOB MILKING 120 COWS.
THE SNOW IN SAN... MY FATHER FOUND A JOB
MILKING 120 COWS. THE MAN HE WORKED FOR HAD NO
FOUND A JOB MILKING 120 COWS. THE MAN HE WORKED
FOR HAD NO BUCKET, SO HE HAD TO SQUIRT THE
THE MAN HE WORKED FOR HAD NO BUCKET, SO HE HAD
TO SQUIRT THE MILK INTO HIS HAND, WALK 8 MILES
BUCKET, SO HE HAD TO SQUIRT THE MILK INTO HIS
HAND, WALK 8 MILES THROUGH THE SNOW UP TO HERE.
MILK INTO HIS HAND, WALK 8 MILES THROUGH THE
SNOW UP TO HERE. AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW,
THROUGH THE SNOW UP TO HERE. AND I'M TELLING
YOU RIGHT NOW, MY MOTHER IS THE SAME WAY TOO.
AND I'M TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW, MY MOTHER IS THE
SAME WAY TOO. >> NOW CLIFF, YOUR MOTHER'S ONE
MY MOTHER IS THE SAME WAY TOO. >> NOW CLIFF, YOUR
MOTHER'S ONE OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER
NOW CLIFF, YOUR MOTHER'S ONE OF
THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER MET.
OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE I'VE
EVER MET. >> I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T
MET. >> I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T
SWEET, BUT THIS WOMAN COMES OVER
I DIDN'T SAY SHE WASN'T SWEET, BUT
THIS WOMAN COMES OVER HERE TO THE HOUSE,
SWEET, BUT THIS WOMAN COMES OVER
HERE TO THE HOUSE, KISSES EVERY CHILD.
HERE TO THE HOUSE, KISSES EVERY
CHILD. "JUST COME IN AND KISS YOUR
KISSES EVERY CHILD. "JUST COME
IN AND KISS YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
"JUST COME IN AND KISS YOUR
GRANDMOTHER. OH, YOU'RE JUST THE MOST
GRANDMOTHER. OH, YOU'RE JUST THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ON THE FACE
OH, YOU'RE JUST THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
CHILDREN ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH."
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN ON THE FACE OF
THIS EARTH." BUT WHEN I WAS HER CHILD,
OF THIS EARTH." BUT WHEN I WAS HER
CHILD, I'M TELLING YOU THIS WOMAN, ALL
BUT WHEN I WAS HER CHILD, I'M TELLING YOU
THIS WOMAN, ALL SHE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TAKE
I'M TELLING YOU THIS WOMAN, ALL SHE EVER WANTED
TO DO WAS TAKE A STICK AND ASK GOD TO GIVE HER
SHE EVER WANTED TO DO WAS TAKE A STICK AND ASK
GOD TO GIVE HER ENOUGH STRENGTH SO SHE COULD
A STICK AND ASK GOD TO GIVE HER ENOUGH
STRENGTH SO SHE COULD KNOCK US SOMEWHERE.
ENOUGH STRENGTH SO SHE COULD KNOCK US
SOMEWHERE. AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL DON'T
KNOCK US SOMEWHERE. AND TO THIS DAY, I
STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE KINGDOM COME IS.
AND TO THIS DAY, I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE
KINGDOM COME IS. AND ALL SHE IS, AS FAR AS I'M
KNOW WHERE KINGDOM COME IS. AND ALL SHE IS,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IS AN OLD PERSON
AND ALL SHE IS, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, IS
AN OLD PERSON TRYING TO GET INTO HEAVEN NOW.
CONCERNED, IS AN OLD PERSON TRYING
TO GET INTO HEAVEN NOW. >> DADDY.
TRYING TO GET INTO HEAVEN
NOW. >> DADDY. >> YEAH, DEAR.
DADDY. >> YEAH, DEAR.
UM, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF
YEAH, DEAR. >> UM, WHAT WOULD YOU
DO IF SOMEONE YOU LOVED SWORE YOU TO
UM, WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF SOMEONE YOU LOVED
SWORE YOU TO SECRECY, BUT YOU KNEW KEEPING
SOMEONE YOU LOVED SWORE YOU TO SECRECY, BUT
YOU KNEW KEEPING THAT SECRET MIGHT NOT BE TOO
SECRECY, BUT YOU KNEW KEEPING THAT SECRET
MIGHT NOT BE TOO GOOD FOR THAT PERSON?
THAT SECRET MIGHT NOT BE TOO GOOD FOR
THAT PERSON? >> IS THE PERSON WHO HAS SWORN
GOOD FOR THAT PERSON? >> IS THE PERSON
WHO HAS SWORN TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY?
IS THE PERSON WHO HAS SWORN
TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY? >> YEAH.
TO SECRECY IN THIS FAMILY? >>
YEAH. >> IS THE SECRECY JUICY?
YEAH. >> IS THE
SECRECY JUICY? >> YEAH.
IS THE SECRECY
JUICY? >> YEAH. >> TELL IT.
YEAH. >> TELL IT. >> IF I
TELL YOU, THIS PERSON'S
TELL IT. >> IF I TELL YOU, THIS
PERSON'S GONNA HATE ME FOR THE REST OF
IF I TELL YOU, THIS PERSON'S GONNA
HATE ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
GONNA HATE ME FOR THE REST OF
MY LIFE. >> BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR THEIR
MY LIFE. >> BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR
THEIR OWN GOOD, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
BUT DENISE, IF IT'S FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, YOU
HAVE TO DO IT. >> OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS
OWN GOOD, YOU HAVE TO DO IT. >> OKAY, I'LL
GIVE YOU GUYS A CLUE, THAT WAY I CAN KEEP MY
OKAY, I'LL GIVE YOU GUYS A CLUE, THAT
WAY I CAN KEEP MY PART OF THE BARGAIN,
A CLUE, THAT WAY I CAN KEEP MY PART OF
THE BARGAIN, BUT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT
PART OF THE BARGAIN, BUT YOU
CAN FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELVES.
BUT YOU CAN FIGURE IT OUT
FOR YOURSELVES. >> A CLUE?
FOR YOURSELVES.
A CLUE? >> YEAH.
A CLUE? >> YEAH. EAR LOBES.
YEAH. EAR LOBES. EAR LOBES.
EAR LOBES. EAR LOBES.
WHAT ABOUT EAR LOBES?
EAR LOBES. >> WHAT ABOUT EAR
LOBES? >> ALL I'M SAYING IS, DOES EVERY
WHAT ABOUT EAR LOBES? >> ALL I'M SAYING
IS, DOES EVERY EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE HAVE
ALL I'M SAYING IS, DOES EVERY EVERYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE HAVE TWO HEALTHY EAR LOBES?
COME ON, CLIFF, MY EAR
LOBES ARE FINE. >> ONE'S OKAY.
ARE FINE. >> ONE'S
OKAY. TWO'S OKAY.
ONE'S OKAY. TWO'S OKAY.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS.
TWO'S OKAY. >> I LOVE IT WHEN YOU
DO THIS. >> WELL, I'LL GO THE OTHER SIDE.
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THIS. >> WELL,
I'LL GO THE OTHER SIDE. >> OH, COME ON.
WELL, I'LL GO THE OTHER
SIDE. >> OH, COME ON. >> WHO IS IT?
OH, COME ON.
WHO IS IT? >> DAD.
WHO IS IT? >>
DAD. >> HOLD ON!
DAD. >> HOLD ON!
OKAY, COME ON!
HOLD ON! >> OKAY, COME
ON! HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, DAD?
[SINGING] WELL, NEVER GONNA
CLEAN IT UP NO MATTER HOW BUSY IT GETS.
NEVER GONNA CLEAN IT UP NO MATTER HOW BUSY
IT GETS. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA CLEAN IT UP.
SON? >> YEAH, DAD. >>
THERE'S NO MUSIC COMING
YEAH, DAD. >> THERE'S NO MUSIC
COMING THROUGH THE HEADSET.
THERE'S NO MUSIC COMING THROUGH
THE HEADSET. YOU STILL BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S
THROUGH THE HEADSET. YOU STILL
BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN?
YOU STILL BOPPIN' TO WHAT'S
LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN? >> NO.
LEFT IN YOUR BRAIN? >> NO. >>
TAKE THE HEADSET OFF, PLEASE?
NO. >> TAKE THE HEADSET
OFF, PLEASE? >> NOW?
TAKE THE HEADSET OFF, PLEASE? >>
NOW? >> IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU
NOW? >> IS THERE ANY REASON
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM OFF NOW?
IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU
SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM OFF NOW? >> NO.
SHOULDN'T TAKE 'EM
OFF NOW? >> NO. >> OKAY.
GUY SURE CAN GET UP, CAN'T HE?
YEAH.
DENISE TOLD YOU, RIGHT? >>
TOLD ME WHAT? >> ABOUT THIS.
TOLD ME WHAT? >> ABOUT
THIS. >> IS THAT A DECAL?
ABOUT THIS. >> IS
THAT A DECAL? >> NO.
IS THAT A DECAL? >> NO.
HAVE YOU BEEN TAGGED BY
NO. >> HAVE YOU BEEN
TAGGED BY THE WILDLIFE SOCIETY?
HAVE YOU BEEN TAGGED BY THE
WILDLIFE SOCIETY? >> IT'S AN EARRING, DAD.
THE WILDLIFE SOCIETY? >> IT'S AN EARRING,
DAD. THERE'S A HOLE THROUGH MY EAR,
IT'S AN EARRING, DAD. THERE'S A HOLE
THROUGH MY EAR, AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE
THERE'S A HOLE THROUGH MY EAR,
AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE INFECTED.
AND DENISE SAYS IT MIGHT BE
INFECTED. >> WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
INFECTED. >> WELL, SHE'S
RIGHT. IT IS INFECTED.
WELL, SHE'S RIGHT.
IT IS INFECTED. COME ON.
IT IS INFECTED. COME ON. >>
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO ME?
COME ON. >> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO
TO ME? >> I AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO TO ME? >> I
AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR. >> THEN WHAT?
I AM GOING TO FIX YOUR EAR. >> THEN
WHAT? >> YOU'RE EXPECTING SOME SORT OF
THEN WHAT? >> YOU'RE
EXPECTING SOME SORT OF PUNISHMENT?
YOU'RE EXPECTING SOME SORT
OF PUNISHMENT? >> SHOULDN'T I?
PUNISHMENT? >>
SHOULDN'T I? >> YEAH.
OW! CAN'T WE DO THIS
SOMEPLACE ELSE? >> WHY?
CAN'T WE DO THIS SOMEPLACE ELSE?
WHY? BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS FOR
WHY? BECAUSE THIS PLACE
IS FOR PREGNANT WOMEN.
BECAUSE THIS PLACE IS FOR PREGNANT
WOMEN. >> I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS AND
PREGNANT WOMEN. >> I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS
AND A SON AND SOMEHOW I THOUGHT YOU
I HAVE FOUR DAUGHTERS AND A SON AND SOMEHOW
I THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT
A SON AND SOMEHOW I THOUGHT YOU
WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT THE EARRING.
WOULD BE THE ONE WITHOUT
THE EARRING. WHY'D YOU DO IT?
THE EARRING. WHY'D YOU DO
IT? >> WELL, DAD, THE KIDS TODAY,
WHY'D YOU DO IT? >> WELL, DAD,
THE KIDS TODAY, IT'S SORT OF A SIGN OF
WELL, DAD, THE KIDS TODAY, IT'S
SORT OF A SIGN OF INDEPENDENCE.
IT'S SORT OF A SIGN OF
INDEPENDENCE. >> WHO'S THE GIRL?
INDEPENDENCE. >>
WHO'S THE GIRL? >> HUH?
WHO'S THE GIRL? >>
HUH? >> WHO'S THE GIRL?
HUH? >> WHO'S THE
GIRL? >> EUNICE BAKER.
WHO'S THE GIRL? >> EUNICE
BAKER. >> DO YOU LOVE HER?
EUNICE BAKER. >> DO YOU
LOVE HER? >> WELL, I LIKE HER A LOT,
DO YOU LOVE HER? >> WELL, I LIKE HER
A LOT, AND SHE SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH
WELL, I LIKE HER A LOT, AND SHE
SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH AN EARRING.
AND SHE SAID I'D LOOK GOOD WITH AN
EARRING. >> AND SO NOW YOU COULD WIND UP
AN EARRING. >> AND SO NOW YOU
COULD WIND UP WITH HALF A HEAD, YES,
AND SO NOW YOU COULD WIND UP WITH
HALF A HEAD, YES, BECAUSE OF THE INFECTION.
WITH HALF A HEAD, YES, BECAUSE OF THE
INFECTION. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SON, BECAUSE
BECAUSE OF THE INFECTION. THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
SON, BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS
THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SON, BECAUSE WHAT I HAVE IN
STORE FOR YOU IS GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL.
WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GOING
TO BE JUST WONDERFUL. >> WHAT'S THAT?
GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL. >> WHAT'S
THAT? >> WELL, I IMAGINE HE SHOULD BE
WHAT'S THAT? >> WELL, I IMAGINE HE
SHOULD BE HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER
WELL, I IMAGINE HE SHOULD BE
HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER 5 MINUTES.
HERE FOR DINNER IN ANOTHER 5
MINUTES. >> DAD, NOT GRANDPA.
5 MINUTES. >> DAD, NOT
GRANDPA. >> OH, YES, OH, YES.
DAD, NOT GRANDPA. >> OH, YES,
OH, YES. AND GRANDPA IS GOING TO LOVE
OH, YES, OH, YES. AND GRANDPA IS GOING
TO LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOUR
AND GRANDPA IS GOING TO LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS
BECAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE
TO HEAR ABOUT THIS BECAUSE YOUR GRANDFATHER,
YOU KNOW, IS LIKE "THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER."
GRANDFATHER, YOU KNOW, IS LIKE "THE NATIONAL
ENQUIRER." HE LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD
"THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER." HE
LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD STORY.
HE LOVES TO HEAR THE UNTOLD
STORY. >> MAYBE HE WON'T NOTICE.
STORY. >> MAYBE HE WON'T
NOTICE. >> OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO,
MAYBE HE WON'T NOTICE. >>
OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO, MY BOY.
OH, I FIXED THAT ALSO, MY BOY.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT SO THAT HE
MY BOY. WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT
SO THAT HE WILL SEE IT REAL GOOD.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT SO THAT HE WILL SEE IT
REAL GOOD. >> YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS
WILL SEE IT REAL GOOD. >> YOU'RE NOT
GONNA MAKE THIS EASY, ARE YOU, DAD?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS EASY,
ARE YOU, DAD? >> HEY, I COULD HAVE PUT YOUR
EASY, ARE YOU, DAD? >> HEY, I COULD
HAVE PUT YOUR WHOLE HEAD IN A SLING.
HI. HELLO. >> GUESS
WHAT I HAVE HERE.
HELLO. >> GUESS WHAT I
HAVE HERE. >> OH, YOU DIDN'T.
GUESS WHAT I HAVE HERE. >> OH,
YOU DIDN'T. >> I MOST CERTAINLY DID.
OH, YOU DIDN'T. >> I MOST CERTAINLY
DID. MY SOUTH CAROLINA MULTILAYERED
I MOST CERTAINLY DID. MY SOUTH
CAROLINA MULTILAYERED SWEET POTATO PIE.
MY SOUTH CAROLINA MULTILAYERED
SWEET POTATO PIE. >> IT'S INSURANCE AGAINST
SWEET POTATO PIE. >> IT'S INSURANCE
AGAINST A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS
IT'S INSURANCE AGAINST A CERTAIN
SOMEONE WHO HAS A HISTORY OF SCOOPING
A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS A HISTORY
OF SCOOPING THE INSIDE OUT OF PIES.
A HISTORY OF SCOOPING THE INSIDE OUT
OF PIES. >> KIDS, GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE
THE INSIDE OUT OF PIES. >> KIDS,
GRANDMA AND GRANDPA ARE HERE!
KIDS, GRANDMA AND
GRANDPA ARE HERE! >> CLIFF!
HERE! >> CLIFF! >> GRANDMA!
CLIFF! >> GRANDMA!
NOW WALK, NOW WALK.
GRANDMA! >> NOW WALK, NOW
WALK. NOW COME ON OVER HERE AND EACH
NOW WALK, NOW WALK. NOW COME ON OVER
HERE AND EACH ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY
NOW COME ON OVER HERE AND EACH
ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY A BIG KISS.
ONE GIVE YOUR GRAND MOMMY A BIG
KISS. MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST
A BIG KISS. MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN THE WORLD.
MMM, YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN
IN THE WORLD. >> NOW LET'S SEE IF GRANDDADDY
BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN IN THE WORLD. >> NOW LET'S
SEE IF GRANDDADDY HAS ANY MONEY FOR THE CHILDREN.
NOW LET'S SEE IF GRANDDADDY HAS ANY
MONEY FOR THE CHILDREN. >> OH, ME FIRST!
HAS ANY MONEY FOR THE
CHILDREN. >> OH, ME FIRST! >> NO ME!
OH, ME FIRST! >> NO ME! >>
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO ME! >> WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A
MINUTE. DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY THEM
WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE
TO BUY THEM A PRESENT, I THINK THAT WOULD BE
DAD, IF YOU'D LIKE TO BUY THEM A PRESENT, I THINK
THAT WOULD BE FINE, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK
A PRESENT, I THINK THAT WOULD BE FINE, BUT I
REALLY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD PASS OUT MONEY.
FINE, BUT I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD PASS
OUT MONEY. >> WELL, YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER.
YOU SHOULD PASS OUT MONEY. >> WELL, YOU HEARD
YOUR MOTHER. WELL, I GUESS NEXT TIME I'LL
WELL, YOU HEARD YOUR MOTHER. WELL, I GUESS
NEXT TIME I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOU ALL OUT
WELL, I GUESS NEXT TIME I'LL JUST
HAVE TO TAKE YOU ALL OUT SHOPPING.
JUST HAVE TO TAKE YOU
ALL OUT SHOPPING. >> YAY!
SHOPPING. >> YAY! >>
I NEED SOME HELP IN
YAY! >> I NEED SOME
HELP IN THE KITCHEN.
I NEED SOME HELP IN THE KITCHEN.
WELL, I'M GONNA HOLD THIS ONE
THE KITCHEN. >> WELL, I'M
GONNA HOLD THIS ONE HOSTAGE.
WELL, I'M GONNA HOLD THIS ONE
HOSTAGE. >> MOM, I WANT TO STAY TOO.
HOSTAGE. >> MOM, I WANT TO STAY
TOO. >> VANESSA, VANESSA NOW WE'RE
MOM, I WANT TO STAY TOO. >> VANESSA, VANESSA
NOW WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL EVENING, AND
VANESSA, VANESSA NOW WE'RE GONNA BE HERE ALL
EVENING, AND YOUR MOTHER NEEDS HELP IN THE
GONNA BE HERE ALL EVENING, AND YOUR
MOTHER NEEDS HELP IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY?
YOUR MOTHER NEEDS HELP
IN THE KITCHEN, OKAY? >> YUP.
KITCHEN, OKAY? >> YUP.
AH, I'M NOT OF THE "YUP"
YUP. >> AH, I'M NOT
OF THE "YUP" GENERATION.
AH, I'M NOT OF THE "YUP"
GENERATION. NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER IN
GENERATION. NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER
IN THE AFFIRMATIVE, WHAT DO YOU SAY
NOW WHEN YOU ANSWER IN THE AFFIRMATIVE,
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER?
THE AFFIRMATIVE, WHAT DO YOU SAY
TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER? >> YES, MA'AM.
TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER? >>
YES, MA'AM. >> OH, THAT'S BETTER.
YES, MA'AM. >> OH, THAT'S
BETTER. NOW RUN ALONG.
OH, THAT'S BETTER. NOW RUN
ALONG. >> YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING
NOW RUN ALONG. >> YOU KNOW
YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER EVERY DAY.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING PRETTIER
EVERY DAY. >> IT'S GETTING EASIER TO TIE
PRETTIER EVERY DAY. >> IT'S
GETTING EASIER TO TIE MY SHOES.
IT'S GETTING EASIER TO
TIE MY SHOES. >> IS IT, BABY.
WELL, MY BOY! >> JUST
TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO ME.
JUST TAKE YOUR TIME GETTING TO
ME. ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I TRAVEL
TO ME. ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I
TRAVEL ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU
ONE OF THESE DAYS WHEN I TRAVEL ON, YOU'RE GONNA
BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SPEND MORE TIME WITH...
ON, YOU'RE GONNA BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T SPEND MORE
TIME WITH... >> MORE TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER,
DIDN'T SPEND MORE TIME WITH... >>
MORE TIME WITH YOUR MOTHER, YES.
MORE TIME WITH YOUR
MOTHER, YES. HOW ARE YOU?
YES. HOW ARE YOU? >> OH, HI.
HOW ARE YOU? >> OH, HI.
ARE YOU STILL DELIVERING
OH, HI. >> ARE YOU STILL
DELIVERING ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN?
ARE YOU STILL DELIVERING
ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN? >> YUP.
ALL THE BABIES IN TOWN?
YUP. >> HEATHCLIFF.
YUP. >> HEATHCLIFF.
YES, MA'AM.
HEATHCLIFF. >> YES, MA'AM.
HOW WAS THE TRIP OVER?
YES, MA'AM. >> HOW WAS THE TRIP
OVER? >> OH, IT WAS FINE UNTIL WE HAD
HOW WAS THE TRIP OVER? >> OH, IT WAS
FINE UNTIL WE HAD TO FIND A PARKING SPOT.
OH, IT WAS FINE UNTIL WE HAD TO FIND A
PARKING SPOT. >> I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD PAY
TO FIND A PARKING SPOT. >> I TOLD YOU THAT
I WOULD PAY FOR YOU TO PARK IN THE GARAGE.
I TOLD YOU THAT I WOULD PAY FOR YOU TO PARK
IN THE GARAGE. >> YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR,
FOR YOU TO PARK IN THE GARAGE. >>
YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR, NO, SIR.
YEAH, BUT AT $8.50 AN HOUR, NO,
SIR. I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY LEGAL
NO, SIR. I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY
LEGAL SPOT LESS THAN A MILE FROM HERE.
I FOUND A LARGE PERFECTLY LEGAL SPOT LESS THAN
A MILE FROM HERE. >> BY COMING IN ONE HOUR AND
SPOT LESS THAN A MILE FROM HERE. >> BY COMING
IN ONE HOUR AND A HALF AHEAD OF TIME PLANTING
BY COMING IN ONE HOUR AND A HALF AHEAD OF
TIME PLANTING HIMSELF AT THE HEAD OF THE BLOCK
A HALF AHEAD OF TIME PLANTING HIMSELF AT THE HEAD
OF THE BLOCK AND THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO
HIMSELF AT THE HEAD OF THE BLOCK AND
THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO PULL OUT.
AND THEN WAITING FOR SOMEBODY TO
PULL OUT. >> THE SITTERS GET THE SPOTS.
PULL OUT. >> THE SITTERS GET THE
SPOTS. IT'S THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE
THE SITTERS GET THE SPOTS. IT'S
THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE THE PROBLEMS.
IT'S THE CIRCLERS WHO HAVE THE
PROBLEMS. I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO ROUND
THE PROBLEMS. I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO
ROUND AND ROUND AND BY THE TIME THEY
I MEAN THE CIRCLERS GO ROUND AND ROUND AND BY
THE TIME THEY FINALLY SEE SOMETHING OPENING
AND ROUND AND BY THE TIME THEY FINALLY SEE
SOMETHING OPENING UP, THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER
FINALLY SEE SOMETHING OPENING UP,
THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER LAYING CLAIM TO IT.
UP, THERE'S ALWAYS A SITTER LAYING
CLAIM TO IT. >> WHERE YOU GOING, SON?
LAYING CLAIM TO IT. >> WHERE YOU GOING,
SON? >> YEAH, COME OVER HERE AND SAY
WHERE YOU GOING, SON? >> YEAH, COME
OVER HERE AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR GRANDDAD.
YEAH, COME OVER HERE AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR
GRANDDAD. >> I DON'T REMEMBER HIM SAYING
HELLO TO YOUR GRANDDAD. >> I DON'T
REMEMBER HIM SAYING "HELLO" TO ME EITHER.
I DON'T REMEMBER HIM SAYING
"HELLO" TO ME EITHER. >> HI, GRANDMA.
"HELLO" TO ME EITHER.
HI, GRANDMA. >> HI.
HI, GRANDMA. >>
HI. >> HEY, GRANDPA.
HI. >> HEY, GRANDPA. >>
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EAR?
HEY, GRANDPA. >> WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOU EAR? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU EAR? >> I WALKED
INTO A DOOR. >> I DO THAT SOMETIMES MYSELF.
I WALKED INTO A DOOR. >> I DO THAT SOMETIMES
MYSELF. >> WHY DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM
I DO THAT SOMETIMES MYSELF. >> WHY
DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM IN THE KITCHEN?
WHY DON'T YOU GO HELP MOM IN THE
KITCHEN? >> GRANDMA, YOU WANT TO COME?
IN THE KITCHEN? >> GRANDMA,
YOU WANT TO COME? >> SURE.
GRANDMA, YOU WANT TO
COME? >> SURE. EXCUSE US.
SURE. EXCUSE
US. >> EXCUSE US.
EXCUSE US. >> EXCUSE US. >>
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO YOU
EXCUSE US. >> WHAT REALLY
HAPPENED TO YOU EAR, SON?
WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO YOU
EAR, SON? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
EAR, SON? >> I WALKED INTO A DOOR.
OH, COME ON, I HEARD THAT OLD
I WALKED INTO A DOOR. >> OH, COME ON, I
HEARD THAT OLD WALKED INTO A DOOR LIE FROM
OH, COME ON, I HEARD THAT OLD WALKED
INTO A DOOR LIE FROM YOUR DAD BACK IN '49.
WALKED INTO A DOOR LIE FROM YOUR DAD
BACK IN '49. >> OKAY, GRANDPA, I GOT MY EAR
YOUR DAD BACK IN '49. >> OKAY,
GRANDPA, I GOT MY EAR PIERCED.
OKAY, GRANDPA, I GOT MY
EAR PIERCED. >> ON PURPOSE?
PIERCED. >> ON
PURPOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY.
ON PURPOSE? >> ABSOLUTELY.
YOUR GRANDSON WAS TOLD BY A GIRL
ABSOLUTELY. YOUR GRANDSON WAS
TOLD BY A GIRL THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN
YOUR GRANDSON WAS TOLD BY A GIRL
THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN AN EARRING.
THAT HE WOULD LOOK GOOD IN AN
EARRING. SO HE WENT TO... WHERE DID YOU GO?
AN EARRING. SO HE WENT TO... WHERE
DID YOU GO? >> COCKROACH'S GARAGE.
SO HE WENT TO... WHERE DID YOU GO? >>
COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> COCKROACH'S GARAGE AND HAD
COCKROACH'S GARAGE. >> COCKROACH'S
GARAGE AND HAD HIS EAR PIERCED BY... WHAT
COCKROACH'S GARAGE AND HAD HIS EAR PIERCED
BY... WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE PERSON?
HIS EAR PIERCED BY... WHAT IS THE NAME OF
THE PERSON? >> IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
IS THE NAME OF THE PERSON? >> IT WAS HIS
SISTER, TOOTSIE. >> HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE.
IT WAS HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. >> HIS
SISTER, TOOTSIE. WHO PROBABLY LINED HIM UP
HIS SISTER, TOOTSIE. WHO PROBABLY
LINED HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL AND THREW
WHO PROBABLY LINED HIM UP AGAINST
THE WALL AND THREW A JAVELIN AT 60 FEET.
AGAINST THE WALL AND THREW A
JAVELIN AT 60 FEET. >> I GET THE PICTURE.
A JAVELIN AT 60 FEET. >> I GET THE
PICTURE. >> ALL RIGHT, THEN GOOD.
I GET THE PICTURE. >> ALL RIGHT,
THEN GOOD. I'LL JUST LET YOU HANDLE
ALL RIGHT, THEN GOOD. I'LL JUST
LET YOU HANDLE THE GOOD PART.
I'LL JUST LET YOU HANDLE THE GOOD
PART. >> NO, I HAVE NO INTENTION ON
THE GOOD PART. >> NO, I HAVE NO
INTENTION ON COMING DOWN HARD ON THE BOY.
NO, I HAVE NO INTENTION ON COMING
DOWN HARD ON THE BOY. >> YOU DON'T?
COMING DOWN HARD ON THE BOY. >> YOU
DON'T? >> NO, YOUNG MEN IN LOVE WILL DO
YOU DON'T? >> NO, YOUNG
MEN IN LOVE WILL DO CRAZY THINGS.
NO, YOUNG MEN IN LOVE WILL DO
CRAZY THINGS. WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS 15...
CRAZY THINGS. WHEN YOUR
FATHER WAS 15... >> UH, DAD.
WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS 15... >>
UH, DAD. >> NO, NO, NO, IT'S GOOD FOR
UH, DAD. >> NO, NO,
NO, IT'S GOOD FOR HIM.
NO, NO, NO, IT'S GOOD FOR
HIM. IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER
HIM. IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL
BETTER ABOUT WHAT HE DID.
IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT
WHAT HE DID. >> I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM
ABOUT WHAT HE DID. >> I'M NOT
INTERESTED IN HIM FEELING BETTER, OKAY?
I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM
FEELING BETTER, OKAY? >> SIT DOWN.
FEELING BETTER, OKAY? >> SIT
DOWN. NOW WHEN YOUR FATHER...
SIT DOWN. NOW WHEN
YOUR FATHER... >> DAD.
NOW WHEN YOUR FATHER... >>
DAD. >> WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND,
DAD. >> WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND,
LEX THOMPSON, A BOY WHO WAS LEFT
WAS 15, HE AND HIS FRIEND, LEX THOMPSON, A
BOY WHO WAS LEFT BACK TWICE, DECIDED THAT THEY
LEX THOMPSON, A BOY WHO WAS LEFT BACK TWICE,
DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN HAIR
BACK TWICE, DECIDED THAT THEY WOULD
STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN HAIR IN LEX'S CELLAR.
WOULD STRAIGHTEN THEIR OWN
HAIR IN LEX'S CELLAR. >> WHAT?
IN LEX'S CELLAR. >> WHAT?
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
WHAT? THAT'S VERY INTERESTING.
IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE TOOK
THAT'S VERY INTERESTING. >> IT ALL STARTED
WHEN HE TOOK A PRETTY YOUNG LADY TO
IT ALL STARTED WHEN HE TOOK A PRETTY
YOUNG LADY TO THE OLD EARL THEATER AND SAW
A PRETTY YOUNG LADY TO THE OLD EARL
THEATER AND SAW A GROUP CALLED THE ICICLES
THE OLD EARL THEATER AND SAW A GROUP
CALLED THE ICICLES WITH BREEZY BROWN.
A GROUP CALLED THE ICICLES WITH
BREEZY BROWN. WELL, BREEZY BROWN HAD
WITH BREEZY BROWN. WELL, BREEZY
BROWN HAD STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR.
WELL, BREEZY BROWN HAD STRAIGHTENED
HIS HAIR. WELL, MOST OF THE SINGERS
STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR. WELL, MOST OF
THE SINGERS STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR
WELL, MOST OF THE SINGERS
STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR BACK THEN.
STRAIGHTENED THEIR HAIR BACK
THEN. AND YOUR FATHER'S DATE
BACK THEN. AND YOUR
FATHER'S DATE WENT WILD.
AND YOUR FATHER'S DATE WENT
WILD. WELL, RIGHT THEN AND THERE HE
WENT WILD. WELL, RIGHT THEN AND
THERE HE DECIDED HE WAS GONNA LOSE THAT
WELL, RIGHT THEN AND THERE HE DECIDED HE WAS
GONNA LOSE THAT IF HE DIDN'T FORM A SINGING
DECIDED HE WAS GONNA LOSE THAT IF HE DIDN'T
FORM A SINGING GROUP AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR.
IF HE DIDN'T FORM A SINGING GROUP
AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >> HA, HA!
GROUP AND STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >>
HA, HA! YOU DID ALL THAT FOR A GIRL?
HA, HA! YOU DID ALL THAT FOR
A GIRL? >> ONE PARTICULAR GIRL.
YOU DID ALL THAT FOR A GIRL? >> ONE PARTICULAR
GIRL. >> YOU SEE, SON, IN THOSE DAYS
ONE PARTICULAR GIRL. >> YOU SEE, SON, IN
THOSE DAYS PEOPLE USED TO STRAIGHTEN THEIR
YOU SEE, SON, IN THOSE DAYS PEOPLE USED TO
STRAIGHTEN THEIR HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED
PEOPLE USED TO STRAIGHTEN THEIR
HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED CONCEALENE.
HAIR WITH A SOLUTION CALLED
CONCEALENE. WELL, IT COST MONEY AND YOUR
CONCEALENE. WELL, IT COST MONEY
AND YOUR FATHER WAS FLAT BROKE AT THAT
WELL, IT COST MONEY AND YOUR FATHER WAS FLAT
BROKE AT THAT TIME, SO HE AND LEX MIXED UP
FATHER WAS FLAT BROKE AT THAT TIME, SO
HE AND LEX MIXED UP THEIR OWN SOLUTION.
TIME, SO HE AND LEX MIXED UP THEIR OWN
SOLUTION. POTATO PEELS, CORN SYRUP AND
THEIR OWN SOLUTION. POTATO PEELS,
CORN SYRUP AND A TOUCH OF NITROGLYCERIN.
POTATO PEELS, CORN SYRUP AND A TOUCH OF
NITROGLYCERIN. THEN THIS MAN, A FUTURE DOCTOR,
A TOUCH OF NITROGLYCERIN. THEN THIS MAN, A
FUTURE DOCTOR, HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS
THEN THIS MAN, A FUTURE DOCTOR,
HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS HEAD.
HAD IT POURED SLOWLY OVER HIS
HEAD. >> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
HEAD. >> WELL, WHAT HAPPENED?
IT BURNED ALL MY HAIR.
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? >> IT
BURNED ALL MY HAIR. IT WASN'T THAT BAD.
IT BURNED ALL MY HAIR. IT WASN'T
THAT BAD. >> IT WASN'T THAT BAD?
IT WASN'T THAT BAD. >> IT WASN'T
THAT BAD? HE SHOT OUT OF THERE LIKE
IT WASN'T THAT BAD? HE SHOT OUT OF
THERE LIKE A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S DOG ASIDE
HE SHOT OUT OF THERE LIKE A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S
DOG ASIDE AND THEN TRIED TO STICK HIS HEAD
A BOLT, PUSHED LEX'S DOG ASIDE AND THEN TRIED
TO STICK HIS HEAD IN THE DOG'S WATER DISH.
AND THEN TRIED TO STICK HIS HEAD IN THE DOG'S
WATER DISH. >> YOU MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED
IN THE DOG'S WATER DISH. >> YOU
MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED THAT GIRL.
YOU MUST HAVE REALLY LIKED THAT
GIRL. WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
THAT GIRL. WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO HER? >> SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW.
WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER?
SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW. >> MOM?
SHE'S IN THE KITCHEN NOW. >> MOM?
YOU BURNED ALL THE HAIR OFF YOUR
MOM? YOU BURNED ALL THE
HAIR OFF YOUR HEAD FOR MOM?
YOU BURNED ALL THE HAIR OFF
YOUR HEAD FOR MOM? >> OH, MY GOD!
HEAD FOR MOM? >> OH,
MY GOD! >> LET HIM BE.
OH, MY GOD! >> LET
HIM BE. >> GUESS WHAT!
LET HIM BE. >>
GUESS WHAT! >> AH!
GUESS WHAT! >> AH! ONE
OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GOING
AH! ONE OF THESE DAYS,
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED SOME MONEY.
ONE OF THESE DAYS, YOU'RE GOING TO NEED
SOME MONEY. >> WELL, IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU
TO NEED SOME MONEY. >> WELL,
IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU TELL HIM?
WELL, IN THAT CASE, WOULD YOU
TELL HIM? >> IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
TELL HIM? >> IT WOULD BE MY
PLEASURE. CLAIR, WHAT IS THE CRAZIEST
IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE. CLAIR, WHAT IS THE
CRAZIEST THING THAT A CERTAIN YOUNG MAN,
CLAIR, WHAT IS THE CRAZIEST THING THAT A CERTAIN
YOUNG MAN, I'M NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO
THING THAT A CERTAIN YOUNG MAN, I'M
NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO IMPRESS YOU?
I'M NOT NAMING ANY NAMES, DID TO IMPRESS
YOU? >> OH, YOU MEAN THAT TIME CLIFF
IMPRESS YOU? >> OH, YOU MEAN THAT
TIME CLIFF DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR.
OH, YOU MEAN THAT TIME CLIFF DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN
HIS HAIR. >> DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR
DECIDED TO STRAIGHTEN HIS HAIR. >>
DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS HAIR FOR YOU?
DADDY STRAIGHTENED HIS
HAIR FOR YOU? >> WELL, HE TRIED
FOR YOU? >> WELL, HE
TRIED BUT IT ALL FELL OUT.
WELL, HE TRIED BUT IT ALL
FELL OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BUT IT ALL FELL OUT. >> THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. >> SO YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF
THANK YOU VERY MUCH. >> SO
YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF FONDLY.
SO YOU REMEMBER THAT KIND OF
FONDLY. >> OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT.
FONDLY. >> OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET
IT. >> WELL, YOUR SON, FOR THE LOVE
OH, I'LL NEVER FORGET IT. >> WELL, YOUR
SON, FOR THE LOVE OF A PRETTY YOUNG LADY,
WELL, YOUR SON, FOR THE LOVE OF A PRETTY
YOUNG LADY, HAS DONE SOMETHING A LITTLE
OF A PRETTY YOUNG LADY, HAS DONE
SOMETHING A LITTLE FOOLISH HIMSELF.
HAS DONE SOMETHING A LITTLE FOOLISH
HIMSELF. NOW PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
FOOLISH HIMSELF. NOW
PROMISE ME YOU WON'T GET MAD.
NOW PROMISE ME YOU WON'T
GET MAD. >> OKAY, I PROMISE.
GET MAD. >> OKAY, I PROMISE.
HE HAD HIS EAR PIERCED.
OKAY, I PROMISE. >> HE HAD
HIS EAR PIERCED. >> I'LL KILL HIM.
HE HAD HIS EAR PIERCED. >> I'LL
KILL HIM. >> NOW HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE,
I'LL KILL HIM. >> NOW HOLD ON,
WAIT A MINUTE, THE BOY MADE A MISTAKE.
NOW HOLD ON, WAIT A MINUTE, THE BOY
MADE A MISTAKE. IN THAT RESPECT, HE'S A LOT
THE BOY MADE A MISTAKE. IN THAT
RESPECT, HE'S A LOT LIKE HIS FATHER.
IN THAT RESPECT, HE'S A LOT LIKE HIS
FATHER. MANY IS THE TIME I PULLED HIM
LIKE HIS FATHER. MANY IS THE TIME I
PULLED HIM OUT OF TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT
MANY IS THE TIME I PULLED HIM OUT OF
TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT AFTER PREDICAMENT.
OUT OF TROUBLE, PREDICAMENT AFTER
PREDICAMENT. BUT I WAS PATIENT AND
AFTER PREDICAMENT. BUT I WAS PATIENT
AND UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT.
BUT I WAS PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING AND
TOLERANT. >> RUSSELL, HOW COULD YOU TELL
UNDERSTANDING AND TOLERANT. >> RUSSELL,
HOW COULD YOU TELL A STORY LIKE THAT?
RUSSELL, HOW COULD YOU TELL A STORY
LIKE THAT? WHEN HEATHCLIFF CAME HOME
A STORY LIKE THAT? WHEN HEATHCLIFF
CAME HOME WITH A SIZZLING SCALP.
WHEN HEATHCLIFF CAME HOME WITH A SIZZLING
SCALP. YOU WERE NOT VERY UNDERSTANDING.
WITH A SIZZLING SCALP. YOU WERE NOT VERY
UNDERSTANDING. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE
YOU WERE NOT VERY UNDERSTANDING. ESPECIALLY
CONSIDERING THE LITTLE MATTER OF A CERTAIN
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE
LITTLE MATTER OF A CERTAIN TATTOO.
LITTLE MATTER OF A
CERTAIN TATTOO. >> HUSH.
TATTOO. >> HUSH. >> TATTOO?
HUSH. >>
TATTOO? >> LET'S EAT.
TATTOO? >> LET'S EAT. >>
WHAT TATTOO'S SHE TALKING
LET'S EAT. >> WHAT
TATTOO'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT TATTOO'S SHE TALKING
ABOUT? NO, DINNER WON'T BE READY
ABOUT? NO, DINNER WON'T
BE READY FOR A WHILE.
NO, DINNER WON'T BE READY
FOR A WHILE. WHAT TATTOO.
FOR A WHILE. WHAT TATTOO.
I'LL HAVE SOME CHEESE.
WHAT TATTOO. >> I'LL HAVE SOME
CHEESE. NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT IS
I'LL HAVE SOME CHEESE. NOW I REALLY DON'T
THINK THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE ISSUE TO DISCUSS
NOW I REALLY DON'T THINK THAT IS AN APPROPRIATE
ISSUE TO DISCUSS IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY.
AN APPROPRIATE ISSUE TO DISCUSS IN FRONT OF
THE FAMILY. >> HEATHCLIFF, WHEN YOUR FATHER
IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY. >> HEATHCLIFF, WHEN
YOUR FATHER WAS THEODORE'S AGE, HE WAS
HEATHCLIFF, WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS THEODORE'S
AGE, HE WAS ENAMORED OF ME TO SUCH AN EXTENT
WAS THEODORE'S AGE, HE WAS ENAMORED OF ME TO
SUCH AN EXTENT THAT HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED
ENAMORED OF ME TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT
HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED ACROSS HIS CHEST.
THAT HE HAD MY NAME TATTOOED
ACROSS HIS CHEST. >> HE DID WHAT?
ACROSS HIS CHEST. >> HE DID
WHAT? >> WHEN I HEARD WHAT RUSSELL
HE DID WHAT? >> WHEN I HEARD WHAT
RUSSELL HAD DONE, I WAS ENORMOUSLY
WHEN I HEARD WHAT RUSSELL HAD DONE, I WAS
ENORMOUSLY FLATTERED, UNTIL I SAW MY NAME
HAD DONE, I WAS ENORMOUSLY FLATTERED,
UNTIL I SAW MY NAME WAS MISSPELLED.
FLATTERED, UNTIL I SAW MY NAME WAS
MISSPELLED. AS I UNDERSTOOD IT, HE WENT TO
WAS MISSPELLED. AS I UNDERSTOOD IT,
HE WENT TO THE BEST TATTOO MAN IN THE
AS I UNDERSTOOD IT, HE WENT TO THE BEST
TATTOO MAN IN THE COUNTY, HOT NEEDLE HARRIS.
THE BEST TATTOO MAN IN THE COUNTY,
HOT NEEDLE HARRIS. IT WAS... WHEN WAS IT?
COUNTY, HOT NEEDLE HARRIS. IT
WAS... WHEN WAS IT? FEBRUARY, THE MIDDLE OF
IT WAS... WHEN WAS IT? FEBRUARY, THE
MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY, AND RUSSELL HAD
FEBRUARY, THE MIDDLE OF FEBRUARY,
AND RUSSELL HAD A TERRIBLE COLD.
FEBRUARY, AND RUSSELL HAD A TERRIBLE
COLD. SO WHEN HE WENT TO HOT NEEDLE
A TERRIBLE COLD. SO WHEN HE WENT TO
HOT NEEDLE AND TOLD HIM TO WRITE "ANNA" HIS
SO WHEN HE WENT TO HOT NEEDLE AND TOLD HIM TO
WRITE "ANNA" HIS NOSE WAS CLOGGED UP AND IT
AND TOLD HIM TO WRITE "ANNA" HIS NOSE WAS
CLOGGED UP AND IT SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA," A-D-D-A.
NOSE WAS CLOGGED UP AND IT SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA,"
A-D-D-A. AT THAT TIME MY CHIEF RIVAL FOR
SOUNDED LIKE "ADDA," A-D-D-A. AT THAT TIME MY
CHIEF RIVAL FOR RUSSELL'S AFFECTION WAS A GIRL
AT THAT TIME MY CHIEF RIVAL FOR RUSSELL'S
AFFECTION WAS A GIRL NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS.
RUSSELL'S AFFECTION WAS A GIRL
NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS. >> OH, NO.
NAMED ADDA MAY WATERS.
OH, NO. >> OH, YES.
OH, NO. >> OH, YES. THE
LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED ABOUT
OH, YES. THE LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED
ABOUT A MILE AND A HALF DOWN THE ROAD,
THE LITTLE GIRL HAD LIVED ABOUT A MILE AND A
HALF DOWN THE ROAD, AND SHE THOUGHT THAT THE SUN
A MILE AND A HALF DOWN THE ROAD, AND SHE THOUGHT
THAT THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL SHE WOKE UP.
AND SHE THOUGHT THAT THE SUN DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL
SHE WOKE UP. OF COURSE, I INSISTED THAT HE
DIDN'T SHINE UNTIL SHE WOKE UP. OF COURSE, I
INSISTED THAT HE REMOVE THE TATTOO, AND THAT LEFT
OF COURSE, I INSISTED THAT HE REMOVE THE
TATTOO, AND THAT LEFT THE SCAR ON HIS CHEST.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU GOT THAT SCAR IN WORLD WAR
II FIGHTING OFF A GERMAN NAZI PANZER ATTACK.
SCAR IN WORLD WAR II FIGHTING OFF A GERMAN NAZI
PANZER ATTACK. >> SON, THAT WAS THE BEST WAY I
OFF A GERMAN NAZI PANZER ATTACK. >> SON, THAT WAS
THE BEST WAY I COULD THINK OF TO DESCRIBE WHAT
SON, THAT WAS THE BEST WAY I COULD THINK OF TO
DESCRIBE WHAT I WENT THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER
COULD THINK OF TO DESCRIBE WHAT I WENT
THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER SAW THAT TATTOO...
I WENT THROUGH WHEN YOUR MOTHER
SAW THAT TATTOO... >> I'M SHOCKED.
SAW THAT TATTOO... >> I'M SHOCKED.
YOU HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY.
I'M SHOCKED. >> YOU
HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY. >> YES.
YOU HUXTABLE MEN ARE CRAZY. >>
YES. >> BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR WOMEN.
YES. >> BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR
WOMEN. >> BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THE THINGS
BUT WE ALWAYS GET OUR WOMEN. >> BUT NOT
BECAUSE OF THE THINGS YOU DO, DESPITE THEM.
BUT NOT BECAUSE OF THE THINGS
YOU DO, DESPITE THEM. >> THEODORE.
YOU DO, DESPITE THEM. >>
THEODORE. WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
THEODORE. WELCOME TO THE
CLUB. >> THE THREE HUXTABLE MEN,
WELCOME TO THE CLUB. >> THE THREE
HUXTABLE MEN, SCAR CHEST, SKIN HEAD
THE THREE HUXTABLE MEN, SCAR
CHEST, SKIN HEAD AND HOLE IN THE LOBE.
[MUSIC]
"THE COSBY SHOW" IS TAPED IN
FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.