The Cleveland Show (2009–2013): Season 2, Episode 4 - It's the Great Pancake, Cleveland Brown - full transcript
Cleveland crushes Cleveland Jr.'s spirit when he forbids him from trick-or-treating because he thinks he is too old. Junior reinvents himself as a "cool kid" and is invited to attend a Halloween party with Roberta. When Junior gets picked on and is unhappy with his new persona, Cleveland and the gang come to his rescue and encourage his enthusiasm for the holiday.
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown ♪
♪ And I am proud to be ♪
♪ Right back in my hometown ♪
♪ With my new family ♪
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear ♪
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share ♪
♪ And so I found a place ♪
♪ Where everyone will know ♪
♪ My happy mustached face ♪
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
The Cleveland Show 2x04
How Cleveland Got His Groove Back
Original Air Date on November 6, 2010
♪ ♪
Oh, yeah, I'd eat me.
This is my best
Halloween costume
since that time I went
as Al Sharpton back in Quahog.
Trick or treat?
Take two.
Take three.
Take four.
That's enough.
Happy Halloween!
And then the ghost looked
into the child's eyes.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And he said...
"Boo!"
Ow! Bitch!
Breakfast anyone?
What restaurant
is that from?
I-Hop-because-diabetes-
took-one- of-my-legs?
Ain't nothin'
but somethin' to wear.
Why the hell are you dressed
like a damn buttrey flapjack?!
This is my
Halloween costume.
It's what I'm gonna wear
trick-or-treating.
Trick-or-treating?
You're 14!
You're too old
to be trick-or-treatin'!
You go out looking
like that,
the other kids
will eat you
for breakfast.
Breakfast?
But this is no
laughing matter!
Grow up and get out
of that costume.
You're more
embarrassing
than the time
that solicitor
came to the door.
Hi, I'm collecting money
for the Children's Hospital.
Is Cleveland Brown home?
I'm sorry.
There's no one here
by that name.
Hey, hey, it's Cleveland Brown.
I have a mustache and a yellow
shirt and I talk like this.
Leave a message.
Me no speaky English.
What the Halloween?!
Check it out, Junior.
I'm the late baseball Hall
of Famer Willie Stargell!
And Donna's Michelle Obama.
With Oprah's arms.
Hey!
But Pops, you said
I was too old to dress up.
You are.
And you're too young.
What?!
See, you're at
that awkward age
where dressing up is lame.
Donna and I can do it
because we're adults,
and for all people know,
these are our regular clothes.
And Rallo can do it
because he's just
a dumb little kid.
Ow, bitch!
Donna, the frozen peas?
But what about Roberta?
She's my age.
Everybody knows Halloween
is just a free pass
for teenage girls
to dress like sluts.
They just have
to call it a costume.
So who are you
supposed to be?
I don't know. A ghost?
Man, everybody gets to dress up
but poor ol'
Cleveland Brown, Jr.
Das-a de breaks!
Ah...
Now, Junior, don't be sad.
You get to have fun
on Halloween, too.
You get to stay home
and hand out candy
to the trick-or-treaters!
Which is a big job
for you.
Big boy.
What?!
You're leaving a fat kid alone
with a bunch of candy?
No way, Hervé.
I've assigned a serial
number to each piece.
Junior, you'll need
to get a signature
from every kid
that comes by
so I can verify
that the candy went to them
and not into the old...
ancient corn dog
burial ground here.
Okay, have fun!
Cleveland, peas?
Oh.
Junior, you can have
these for dinner.
They're thawed
and unusual-smelling.
We now return
to Undercover Boss.
I never wash my hands
after I go to the bathroom.
Do you?
Why would I?
Aha! You're fired!
I'm tired of these
gross trouser peas.
You're right,
Larry the Leopard.
Why am I eating them?
I hope
it's someone with a gun
who'll just blow my head off.
Trick or treat?
Gee, who are you
supposed to be?
I'm Harry Potter!
I was being sarcastic.
I've only seen that
cheap, drugstore costume
a million times tonight.
Sorry, mister.
Our family's kind of poor.
Yeah, well, imagination doesn't
cost anything, but whatever.
I'll need you to sign here.
Thumbprint here.
Enjoy your damn candy.
This is crazy, Larry.
All I want is
to dress up once a year
and get some free candy,
and I can't even do that?
You're right, Larry!
But don't talk
with your mouth full.
I'm taking back Halloween!
♪ ♪
Hey, guys, look at
the big gay pancake!
Say, man,
your mommy dress
you up like that?
Naw, she's dead.
Are you guys trick-or-treating,
too?
Sure we are, pancake.
And you're about
to have a side of...
Let's throw eggs at him!
We can enjoy this because we're
all wearing our safety belts.
Ha-ha, I got
a huge sack...
of candy.
Oh.
You sure scored
big tonight, Rallo.
But remember,
you're only allowed
one piece of candy a day.
I don't want you
rotting your teeth out.
At least my teeth ain't got wine
stains at 5:00 in the afternoon.
What was that?!
I said you've got
a drinking problem.
Just because I enjoy...
Sweet candy and Jessica Tandy!
Ha, some jerk got
his house wrecked.
I love Halloween.
Cleveland,
that's our house!
In the middle
of our street?!
That's madness!
Why would anyone do this?
I saw it.
I saw it all.
It was because
of Cleveland, Ju....
Junior.
Avenge me, Cleveland.
Are you happy, son?
Does anything about
my body language look
like I'm happy?
Well, just to make sure
you don't miss the point
of what happened here
tonight, let's review.
Okay, this melon will be you.
Wouldn't it make more sense
if I were the pancake?
I'm gonna put the pancake
on the melon. Just hold on.
Okay, now give me
your glasses.
Hold this.
Okay.
That's what happened
to you tonight!
You got hit by eggs!
No-duh!
I was there!
Junior, you
can't dress up
like a pancake
at your age!
The only good thing
about it is, it's a break
from that stupid red shirt
that shows your stomach.
Roberta gets
to show her stomach.
Again, that's because
she's a slut.
Ooh...! Ooh...!
Well, Mama said
one piece a night.
But she didn't say
how big a piece.
Really?
All right.
Hey, cool.
I'm Cap'n Crunch.
Cleveland, come with me.
I want to show
you something.
If Cap'n Crunch
is out there, I'm-a flip out.
Time for me to grow up.
Good-bye, Big Crayon.
I had fun playing with you
and pretending an evil wizard
shrunk me.
Good-bye, Easy-Bake Oven.
I had fun making tiny cakes
with you and pretending
an evil wizard turned me
into a giant.
Well, Larry, I guess this is it.
I'll never forget you.
I love you.
Shh...
It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
Let go, Larry.
Let go!
Oh, my God!
I know.
He's devastated
about last night.
You have to stop him.
Stop him?
Do you know how long
I've waited
for this day to come?
You can't let your son
throw away everything
that defines him!
Donna, he's a teenage boy
who talks to stuffed animals,
and worse, listens to 'em,
and then changes his opinion
based on what
they've told him!
Look, I'll make this work,
just like I made
that time machine work.
Hey, younger me.
Hey, older me.
Raiders are gonna
win tomorrow.
Yes! Cha-ching!
But think twice
before using the winnings
for swashbuckling lessons.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
I'm gonna get
swashbuckling lessons!
Oh, man, I cannot eat
like that anymore.
It was fine when I was four,
but the old metabolism
ain't what it used to be.
All right, a bonus piece
of Tuffy Taffy.
Ahh! My tooth!
Ah! Oh, no, Mama was right!
My teeth are rotting out!
Oh, she's gonna kill me!
Oh, great.
Now I look like workplace
predator, David Letterman.
"Ah, ah, have sex with me, ah!"
Now, this is starting
to look like a bedroom.
You like it?
I don't know.
It looks nice,
but it's not really me.
Oh, don't worry.
It will be as soon
as we change everything
about the way you look,
think and act.
I don't want to do that!
So I guess now
I do want to do that.
That a boy!
Donna, get in here!
Allow me to present
as you've never seen him before,
the all-new Cleveland Brown, Jr.
'Sup?
Wow, this is quite
a transformation.
What exactly did
you two do today?
Nothin'. Guy stuff.
Like if I said,
"Boobies, 12:00,"
that would just confuse you
because you aren't a guy.
By the way, Dad,
boobies, 12:00.
Look, Junior.
The big hand's on the two.
All right, then.
I'm going to go take a poop
like a man-- standing up.
Well...
14 years ago,
I created a child,
but now,
I've created a son.
I don't know, Cleveland.
Like my cousin Ernestine
always used to say,
"A frog doesn't look good
in a fur coat."
Uh-huh.
Why doesn't she
say it anymore?
She finally found one that
did look good in a fur coat.
Then she took her life.
Mm.
The point is,
Cleveland,
I'm not convinced
Junior's happy.
Well, I'm not convinced
the lump on my testicle
is benign,
but you don't see me
running off to the doctor.
I miss me.
Hey, Mama, you know
what would be fun?
If you put all this food
in a blender for me,
and I drank it with a straw,
wouldn't that be fun?
Ooh! I want my food
in the blender, too.
No blenders!
Everybody eat
your damn food!
Shoot.
Shoot.
Can't eat smoothie
in my own house.
Mom, I need
a late curfew tonight.
Oliver Wilkerson's
having a party.
Oh, a cool kids party?
What are we talking?
A house party?
Pool party? Kegger? Rave?
Toga party? Pajama jammy-jam?
Pub crawl? Tea party?
Reggae sun splash?
Stag party? After-party?
Lemon party?
White elephant? Sadie Hawkins?
Quinceañera?
Nah, just a party.
I love parties.
Well, guess what, Dad.
I'm going to hit up
Oliver' s party, too,
now that I'm cool
and think parties are cool.
That's my boy.
Now, when you go in the
bathroom at the party,
just know there will
be pee everywhere.
It's not your job
to clean it up.
Right. It's my pleasure.
No!
I mean, I'm not
going to clean it.
I'm going to pee
all over the place.
Donna, may I pee
all over our bathroom?
No.
Aw. In the yard?
If you finish
your vegetables.
Well, boys,
guess whose son
is out partying
with the most popular
and most sexually active kid
at Stoolbend High?
Junior's hanging out
with Roberta?
No. Oliver Wilkerson.
Wow. Notot too, uh...
not too shaggy there.
The Junior's finally hanging out
with the cool kids.
I hung out with the
cool kids last week.
Bought them beer.
Tried to stay
and drink it with them.
Told me to get lost.
Asked them to pay me back
for the booze.
Kicked my ass.
Called their school.
Got them banned
from the eighth grade formal.
Who's the cool kid now?
Uh... you.
Well, I'm going
to head over to that party
and see my boy
in action.
Gus, can I have
the rest of this to go?
Sure thing, favorite
patron of mine.
Thanks, Gus.
Oh, I got to hide this tooth
somewhere Mama
will never find it.
Under the pillow!
Oh, I'm far too fretful
to fall asleep.
May as well call
into Sports Chat.
Hello, caller.
Welcome to Sports Chat.
I'm Dwayne Meighan,
host of Sports Chat,
and you are caller.
Don't try to listen to yourself
on the radio
while we're on the phone
because there was all sort
of problem with this.
Be this understood,
go ahead, caller.
Thank you for calling.
I'm Dwayne Meighan,
and you're on Sports Chat.
Now you say.
Hello? Am I on the air?
Caller, you are on the air.
You are not trying to listen
to yourself, were you?
No.
Go ahead, caller.
I'm Dwayne Meighan.
Now you say.
Uh... yeah.
How about the Yankees?
Jeter...
A-Rod, all those guys.
I'm sorry, caller.
I miss what you had said
on account of I couldn't resist
turning on my radio
here at the station.
Mm. Talking baseball.
There's my party boy.
Lots of righteous
babes here, eh, dudes?
With their nipples
and whatnot.
You're gay-- gay pancake.
Here. How about a drink?
Okay, my turn.
So you just stood
there and watched?
You didn't stop
those boys?
Oh, yeah, Donna.
The gay pancake needs his daddy
to save him.
That would have looked
real cool.
Man, what a party.
It was sick.
I hung out with my new friends,
had some drinks, some laughs,
and I definitely
was not duct-taped
to a male mannequin
and put up on the roof
and laughed at
by helicopter police.
He's covering. That did happen.
I should have
changed him better.
Cleveland, you can't
force a sweet,
round peg like Junior
into a stupid,
beer-chugging,
sports-loving square hole.
Girl, you did not just tell me
how to raise my children.
That child has stamped out
everything
that makes him unique.
And for what?
All for the approval
of a couple of bullies?
And his father?
You're right.
What have I done
to my boy?
I've ruined him,
just like I ruined
David Carradine's funeral.
David Carradine brought
pleasure to millions,
but none more so than himself.
When David had
a particularly meaty part,
he would roll up his sleeves
and milk it
for all it was worth.
But David was
at his best
when he was just
hanging around,
spurting enthusiastically
to friends
till he was blue in the face.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Stand up. Stand up, would you?
Go ahead.
David would have wanted you
to laugh.
The guy died of autoerotic
asphyxiation, for God's sake.
You can die from that?
What up, brah?
Junior, there's someone
here who wants to see you.
Larry, you're alive!
No, he's not.
He's a stuffed animal.
But I went and dug him
out of a Dumpster,
wrung out the
garbage juice
and rubbed him down
with a Bounce sheet
because I want you to
be who you really are.
We're going out.
We're making our own Halloween.
Hey. You got-a coconuts
in your head?
Everyone's going to pick
on me even worse
if I'm the only one
in costume.
Who said you'd be the only one?
I'm toast.
I'm honey.
I'm Angela Lansbury's
left breast.
Lester!
Fried egg.
And I'm bacon.
And together...
We're all part
of this balanced breakfast.
Wow!
How did you get those costumes
so fast?
I had them at home.
Kendra and I
do a little role-playing.
It gets her hot
when I dress up as big food.
Hello?
Can the toast make out
with the bacon?
♪ ♪
♪ You let me violate you ♪
♪ You let me desecrate you ♪
Dude, there's some kind
of performance artists
in your front yard.
What?
Trick or treat, bitches.
The world is dark and quiet.
Egg-kake!
♪ ♪
Coach Cleveland?
Hey, Oliver.
Don't forget
about practice tomorrow.
Okay, Coach.
See you there.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm going to remember
this Halloween forever.
I'm glad you had fun, Junior,
'cause God only knows
what they're going to do to you
at school tomorrow.
I can't really protect
you from that.
Rallo, what is it?
Mama, I ate a bunch of candy,
and I lost my tooth
just like you said,
and now my tooth
turned into a quarter,
and the world is scary, and my
young mind is so confused.
Oh, baby, I know
you lost a tooth.
Don't worry.
The tooth fairy took it and
brought you that quarter.
The tooth fairy?
Who's that?
Well, Rallo, he's a fairy
who comes into your room
while you're sleeping,
takes your tooth
and leaves you money.
And what is in it
for this gentleman?
I guess he likes baby teeth.
Whoa.
I reckon it don't get
any weirder than that.
I forgot the safe word!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
♪ And I am proud to be ♪
♪ Right back in my hometown ♪
♪ With my new family ♪
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear ♪
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share ♪
♪ And so I found a place ♪
♪ Where everyone will know ♪
♪ My happy mustached face ♪
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
The Cleveland Show 2x04
How Cleveland Got His Groove Back
Original Air Date on November 6, 2010
♪ ♪
Oh, yeah, I'd eat me.
This is my best
Halloween costume
since that time I went
as Al Sharpton back in Quahog.
Trick or treat?
Take two.
Take three.
Take four.
That's enough.
Happy Halloween!
And then the ghost looked
into the child's eyes.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And he said...
"Boo!"
Ow! Bitch!
Breakfast anyone?
What restaurant
is that from?
I-Hop-because-diabetes-
took-one- of-my-legs?
Ain't nothin'
but somethin' to wear.
Why the hell are you dressed
like a damn buttrey flapjack?!
This is my
Halloween costume.
It's what I'm gonna wear
trick-or-treating.
Trick-or-treating?
You're 14!
You're too old
to be trick-or-treatin'!
You go out looking
like that,
the other kids
will eat you
for breakfast.
Breakfast?
But this is no
laughing matter!
Grow up and get out
of that costume.
You're more
embarrassing
than the time
that solicitor
came to the door.
Hi, I'm collecting money
for the Children's Hospital.
Is Cleveland Brown home?
I'm sorry.
There's no one here
by that name.
Hey, hey, it's Cleveland Brown.
I have a mustache and a yellow
shirt and I talk like this.
Leave a message.
Me no speaky English.
What the Halloween?!
Check it out, Junior.
I'm the late baseball Hall
of Famer Willie Stargell!
And Donna's Michelle Obama.
With Oprah's arms.
Hey!
But Pops, you said
I was too old to dress up.
You are.
And you're too young.
What?!
See, you're at
that awkward age
where dressing up is lame.
Donna and I can do it
because we're adults,
and for all people know,
these are our regular clothes.
And Rallo can do it
because he's just
a dumb little kid.
Ow, bitch!
Donna, the frozen peas?
But what about Roberta?
She's my age.
Everybody knows Halloween
is just a free pass
for teenage girls
to dress like sluts.
They just have
to call it a costume.
So who are you
supposed to be?
I don't know. A ghost?
Man, everybody gets to dress up
but poor ol'
Cleveland Brown, Jr.
Das-a de breaks!
Ah...
Now, Junior, don't be sad.
You get to have fun
on Halloween, too.
You get to stay home
and hand out candy
to the trick-or-treaters!
Which is a big job
for you.
Big boy.
What?!
You're leaving a fat kid alone
with a bunch of candy?
No way, Hervé.
I've assigned a serial
number to each piece.
Junior, you'll need
to get a signature
from every kid
that comes by
so I can verify
that the candy went to them
and not into the old...
ancient corn dog
burial ground here.
Okay, have fun!
Cleveland, peas?
Oh.
Junior, you can have
these for dinner.
They're thawed
and unusual-smelling.
We now return
to Undercover Boss.
I never wash my hands
after I go to the bathroom.
Do you?
Why would I?
Aha! You're fired!
I'm tired of these
gross trouser peas.
You're right,
Larry the Leopard.
Why am I eating them?
I hope
it's someone with a gun
who'll just blow my head off.
Trick or treat?
Gee, who are you
supposed to be?
I'm Harry Potter!
I was being sarcastic.
I've only seen that
cheap, drugstore costume
a million times tonight.
Sorry, mister.
Our family's kind of poor.
Yeah, well, imagination doesn't
cost anything, but whatever.
I'll need you to sign here.
Thumbprint here.
Enjoy your damn candy.
This is crazy, Larry.
All I want is
to dress up once a year
and get some free candy,
and I can't even do that?
You're right, Larry!
But don't talk
with your mouth full.
I'm taking back Halloween!
♪ ♪
Hey, guys, look at
the big gay pancake!
Say, man,
your mommy dress
you up like that?
Naw, she's dead.
Are you guys trick-or-treating,
too?
Sure we are, pancake.
And you're about
to have a side of...
Let's throw eggs at him!
We can enjoy this because we're
all wearing our safety belts.
Ha-ha, I got
a huge sack...
of candy.
Oh.
You sure scored
big tonight, Rallo.
But remember,
you're only allowed
one piece of candy a day.
I don't want you
rotting your teeth out.
At least my teeth ain't got wine
stains at 5:00 in the afternoon.
What was that?!
I said you've got
a drinking problem.
Just because I enjoy...
Sweet candy and Jessica Tandy!
Ha, some jerk got
his house wrecked.
I love Halloween.
Cleveland,
that's our house!
In the middle
of our street?!
That's madness!
Why would anyone do this?
I saw it.
I saw it all.
It was because
of Cleveland, Ju....
Junior.
Avenge me, Cleveland.
Are you happy, son?
Does anything about
my body language look
like I'm happy?
Well, just to make sure
you don't miss the point
of what happened here
tonight, let's review.
Okay, this melon will be you.
Wouldn't it make more sense
if I were the pancake?
I'm gonna put the pancake
on the melon. Just hold on.
Okay, now give me
your glasses.
Hold this.
Okay.
That's what happened
to you tonight!
You got hit by eggs!
No-duh!
I was there!
Junior, you
can't dress up
like a pancake
at your age!
The only good thing
about it is, it's a break
from that stupid red shirt
that shows your stomach.
Roberta gets
to show her stomach.
Again, that's because
she's a slut.
Ooh...! Ooh...!
Well, Mama said
one piece a night.
But she didn't say
how big a piece.
Really?
All right.
Hey, cool.
I'm Cap'n Crunch.
Cleveland, come with me.
I want to show
you something.
If Cap'n Crunch
is out there, I'm-a flip out.
Time for me to grow up.
Good-bye, Big Crayon.
I had fun playing with you
and pretending an evil wizard
shrunk me.
Good-bye, Easy-Bake Oven.
I had fun making tiny cakes
with you and pretending
an evil wizard turned me
into a giant.
Well, Larry, I guess this is it.
I'll never forget you.
I love you.
Shh...
It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
Let go, Larry.
Let go!
Oh, my God!
I know.
He's devastated
about last night.
You have to stop him.
Stop him?
Do you know how long
I've waited
for this day to come?
You can't let your son
throw away everything
that defines him!
Donna, he's a teenage boy
who talks to stuffed animals,
and worse, listens to 'em,
and then changes his opinion
based on what
they've told him!
Look, I'll make this work,
just like I made
that time machine work.
Hey, younger me.
Hey, older me.
Raiders are gonna
win tomorrow.
Yes! Cha-ching!
But think twice
before using the winnings
for swashbuckling lessons.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
I'm gonna get
swashbuckling lessons!
Oh, man, I cannot eat
like that anymore.
It was fine when I was four,
but the old metabolism
ain't what it used to be.
All right, a bonus piece
of Tuffy Taffy.
Ahh! My tooth!
Ah! Oh, no, Mama was right!
My teeth are rotting out!
Oh, she's gonna kill me!
Oh, great.
Now I look like workplace
predator, David Letterman.
"Ah, ah, have sex with me, ah!"
Now, this is starting
to look like a bedroom.
You like it?
I don't know.
It looks nice,
but it's not really me.
Oh, don't worry.
It will be as soon
as we change everything
about the way you look,
think and act.
I don't want to do that!
So I guess now
I do want to do that.
That a boy!
Donna, get in here!
Allow me to present
as you've never seen him before,
the all-new Cleveland Brown, Jr.
'Sup?
Wow, this is quite
a transformation.
What exactly did
you two do today?
Nothin'. Guy stuff.
Like if I said,
"Boobies, 12:00,"
that would just confuse you
because you aren't a guy.
By the way, Dad,
boobies, 12:00.
Look, Junior.
The big hand's on the two.
All right, then.
I'm going to go take a poop
like a man-- standing up.
Well...
14 years ago,
I created a child,
but now,
I've created a son.
I don't know, Cleveland.
Like my cousin Ernestine
always used to say,
"A frog doesn't look good
in a fur coat."
Uh-huh.
Why doesn't she
say it anymore?
She finally found one that
did look good in a fur coat.
Then she took her life.
Mm.
The point is,
Cleveland,
I'm not convinced
Junior's happy.
Well, I'm not convinced
the lump on my testicle
is benign,
but you don't see me
running off to the doctor.
I miss me.
Hey, Mama, you know
what would be fun?
If you put all this food
in a blender for me,
and I drank it with a straw,
wouldn't that be fun?
Ooh! I want my food
in the blender, too.
No blenders!
Everybody eat
your damn food!
Shoot.
Shoot.
Can't eat smoothie
in my own house.
Mom, I need
a late curfew tonight.
Oliver Wilkerson's
having a party.
Oh, a cool kids party?
What are we talking?
A house party?
Pool party? Kegger? Rave?
Toga party? Pajama jammy-jam?
Pub crawl? Tea party?
Reggae sun splash?
Stag party? After-party?
Lemon party?
White elephant? Sadie Hawkins?
Quinceañera?
Nah, just a party.
I love parties.
Well, guess what, Dad.
I'm going to hit up
Oliver' s party, too,
now that I'm cool
and think parties are cool.
That's my boy.
Now, when you go in the
bathroom at the party,
just know there will
be pee everywhere.
It's not your job
to clean it up.
Right. It's my pleasure.
No!
I mean, I'm not
going to clean it.
I'm going to pee
all over the place.
Donna, may I pee
all over our bathroom?
No.
Aw. In the yard?
If you finish
your vegetables.
Well, boys,
guess whose son
is out partying
with the most popular
and most sexually active kid
at Stoolbend High?
Junior's hanging out
with Roberta?
No. Oliver Wilkerson.
Wow. Notot too, uh...
not too shaggy there.
The Junior's finally hanging out
with the cool kids.
I hung out with the
cool kids last week.
Bought them beer.
Tried to stay
and drink it with them.
Told me to get lost.
Asked them to pay me back
for the booze.
Kicked my ass.
Called their school.
Got them banned
from the eighth grade formal.
Who's the cool kid now?
Uh... you.
Well, I'm going
to head over to that party
and see my boy
in action.
Gus, can I have
the rest of this to go?
Sure thing, favorite
patron of mine.
Thanks, Gus.
Oh, I got to hide this tooth
somewhere Mama
will never find it.
Under the pillow!
Oh, I'm far too fretful
to fall asleep.
May as well call
into Sports Chat.
Hello, caller.
Welcome to Sports Chat.
I'm Dwayne Meighan,
host of Sports Chat,
and you are caller.
Don't try to listen to yourself
on the radio
while we're on the phone
because there was all sort
of problem with this.
Be this understood,
go ahead, caller.
Thank you for calling.
I'm Dwayne Meighan,
and you're on Sports Chat.
Now you say.
Hello? Am I on the air?
Caller, you are on the air.
You are not trying to listen
to yourself, were you?
No.
Go ahead, caller.
I'm Dwayne Meighan.
Now you say.
Uh... yeah.
How about the Yankees?
Jeter...
A-Rod, all those guys.
I'm sorry, caller.
I miss what you had said
on account of I couldn't resist
turning on my radio
here at the station.
Mm. Talking baseball.
There's my party boy.
Lots of righteous
babes here, eh, dudes?
With their nipples
and whatnot.
You're gay-- gay pancake.
Here. How about a drink?
Okay, my turn.
So you just stood
there and watched?
You didn't stop
those boys?
Oh, yeah, Donna.
The gay pancake needs his daddy
to save him.
That would have looked
real cool.
Man, what a party.
It was sick.
I hung out with my new friends,
had some drinks, some laughs,
and I definitely
was not duct-taped
to a male mannequin
and put up on the roof
and laughed at
by helicopter police.
He's covering. That did happen.
I should have
changed him better.
Cleveland, you can't
force a sweet,
round peg like Junior
into a stupid,
beer-chugging,
sports-loving square hole.
Girl, you did not just tell me
how to raise my children.
That child has stamped out
everything
that makes him unique.
And for what?
All for the approval
of a couple of bullies?
And his father?
You're right.
What have I done
to my boy?
I've ruined him,
just like I ruined
David Carradine's funeral.
David Carradine brought
pleasure to millions,
but none more so than himself.
When David had
a particularly meaty part,
he would roll up his sleeves
and milk it
for all it was worth.
But David was
at his best
when he was just
hanging around,
spurting enthusiastically
to friends
till he was blue in the face.
I'm sorry.
No, it's okay.
Stand up. Stand up, would you?
Go ahead.
David would have wanted you
to laugh.
The guy died of autoerotic
asphyxiation, for God's sake.
You can die from that?
What up, brah?
Junior, there's someone
here who wants to see you.
Larry, you're alive!
No, he's not.
He's a stuffed animal.
But I went and dug him
out of a Dumpster,
wrung out the
garbage juice
and rubbed him down
with a Bounce sheet
because I want you to
be who you really are.
We're going out.
We're making our own Halloween.
Hey. You got-a coconuts
in your head?
Everyone's going to pick
on me even worse
if I'm the only one
in costume.
Who said you'd be the only one?
I'm toast.
I'm honey.
I'm Angela Lansbury's
left breast.
Lester!
Fried egg.
And I'm bacon.
And together...
We're all part
of this balanced breakfast.
Wow!
How did you get those costumes
so fast?
I had them at home.
Kendra and I
do a little role-playing.
It gets her hot
when I dress up as big food.
Hello?
Can the toast make out
with the bacon?
♪ ♪
♪ You let me violate you ♪
♪ You let me desecrate you ♪
Dude, there's some kind
of performance artists
in your front yard.
What?
Trick or treat, bitches.
The world is dark and quiet.
Egg-kake!
♪ ♪
Coach Cleveland?
Hey, Oliver.
Don't forget
about practice tomorrow.
Okay, Coach.
See you there.
Thanks, Dad.
I'm going to remember
this Halloween forever.
I'm glad you had fun, Junior,
'cause God only knows
what they're going to do to you
at school tomorrow.
I can't really protect
you from that.
Rallo, what is it?
Mama, I ate a bunch of candy,
and I lost my tooth
just like you said,
and now my tooth
turned into a quarter,
and the world is scary, and my
young mind is so confused.
Oh, baby, I know
you lost a tooth.
Don't worry.
The tooth fairy took it and
brought you that quarter.
The tooth fairy?
Who's that?
Well, Rallo, he's a fairy
who comes into your room
while you're sleeping,
takes your tooth
and leaves you money.
And what is in it
for this gentleman?
I guess he likes baby teeth.
Whoa.
I reckon it don't get
any weirder than that.
I forgot the safe word!
== sync, corrected by elderman ==