The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 7, Episode 4 - Wake Up the Lion Within - full transcript

[Upbeat theme music]

Morning Carole!

Welcome to whitbury
new town leisure...

Oh, Mr. Brittas!

You're back and you look so...

Healthy I think
is the word Carole

and to be honest
I've never felt better.

So how was Miami, Mr. Brittas?

Bit hot for me Carole,
but the course was superb!

I feel energised
and raring to go!

Carole, is it my imagination
or is there a duck



on the counter?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

She's been in the
reception all morning.

It's part of Colin's
"children's corner."

"Children's corner?"

It's a little sanctuary
he's building

for unwanted farm animals.

Ah there you are maisy!

Ah, Mr. Brittas you're back!

How was the course?

How was Miami?

Never mind that Colin.

I want that duck out
of the building please.

And Carole can you
make sure the public



don't go dropping their
confectionary all over the centre?

I mean look at the floor.

It's covered in these raisins.

Those aren't actually
raisins Mr. Brittas.

What are they?

They're Dorothy's.

Dorothy's?

A rabbit Mr. Brittas.

The most adorable
creature but she does tend

to leave little deposits
about the place.

Colin, I want the
animals to remain outside

the building, please.

Carole everyone in the
staff room in five minutes.

When I came into
the centre this morning

some of you may have
noticed a new aura about me.

If I may say so
Mr. Brittas you look radiant!

Spot on Colin!

From my every pore
there exudes calm,

well-being and a quiet
but huge self-confidence.

Is that so Mr. Brittas?

Yes, Timothy.

And there's a
simple reason for it.

What Mr. Brittas?

I have found my lion.

You what?

My lion, Julie.

I've found it.

That's what the
course was all about.

"Wake up the lion within."

A five-day conference
for managers

on how to seek your inner power.

What's this got to do
with lions Mr. Brittas?

Well as Clint said--who?

Clint...

Clint ponderosa.

He was the man
running the course.

The lion within is that
mine of untapped potential

that most of us never
use, awaiting to be awoken.

And he should know.

From being a humble
postman he now owns a house

in Beverly Hills,
three burger chains

and a mustang ranch in Wyoming.

So how exactly do
we wake up this lion

within then, Mr. Brittas?

You simply roar.

-What?
-You roar, like a lion!

You see by physically
making the noise of a lion

we wake up that
potential inside.

In fact I'd like us
all to practise it now.

Yep, I'd like each
one of you in turn

to stand up and give me a roar.

Starting with you...

Gavin!

Me?

Gavin, as my acting
senior deputy manager

I'd like you to stand up and
give me the first roar please.

Brilliant.

[Gavin roars meekly]

Not much inner power there.

Julie!

[Julie roars fiercely]

Thank you, Julie.

Colin!

[Colin roars]

Cracking Colin!

Tim!

[Tim roars fiercely]

Right, Linda!

[Linda roars fiercely]

Excellent Linda!

Carole!

Oh, no Mr. Brittas.

Come on, Carole, remember
your assertiveness course.

I know Mr. Brittas
but I couldn't.

Roar please, Carole.

-Oh Mr. Brittas.
-I want you to roar!

[Carole meows]

And what was that
supposed to be?

It's a roar Mr. Brittas

it sounded more
like a squeak to me.

I know Mr. Brittas.

This roaring isn't really me.

Right, Carole on
your feet please.

-Oh no!
-Close your eyes!

Right, I want you to
concentrate on your belly.

Now, imagine your
belly is a big dark cage

inside of which is a
big lion longing to roar.

Now roar!

[Carole roars softly]

Better!

And again...

[Carole roars energetically]

Louder!

[Carole roars ferociously]

Now that is what
I call inner power!

Item numero deux.

As most of you know
we have been nominated

for the European
award for excellence,

the most prestigious award that

a leisure centre can receive.

Gavin le details,
s'il vous plait.

Oh mais Oui, Mr. Brittas.

Brussels will be sending
us an inspector on June 13th.

We're up against the
centre Charles De gaulle

in Paris, the gesundheit
centre in Frankfurt.

Last year's winners.

Yes indeed...

And the hurlings svurlings
luftscentre in Copenhagen,

so there's stiff opposition.

What exactly do we
have to do Mr. Brittas?

Europeanize the
centre for starters Linda.

How do ya do that then?

Well at the moment
we're catering for only

the English-speaking sector
of the European community.

I wanna make sure that everyone
in the community is welcome.

Just to say Mr. Brittas,
that by the time

the inspection comes
round you will have the best

children's corner in Europe!

-Thank you, Colin.
-With only the best

tended animals!

Which reminds me, I've
discovered the most marvellous

new dental floss for pigs!

I don't really
wanna hear about it,

-Colin.
-It gets right inside

the snout Mr. Brittas,
right to the back

-of the teeth.
-That's enough, Colin.

You should have seen what
I extracted the other day-

that's enough Colin!

Right everyone end of meeting.

Let's use our lions within
to win that award please.

Surely there must be
someone with a problem?

[Mr. Brittas whistles]

Oh, Gordon thank
god you're here!

Can't stop now my darling.

Gordon I started my
counselling three weeks ago

and I've only had one client!

That is simply because
you're not expressing

your lion within.

Oh, not that again.

My darling if you want clients,

you've gotta go out
there and get 'em! [Roars]

Yes you're right.

[Mrs. Brittas roars]

Just about done all the
signs in the centre now,

-Mr. Brittas.
-But, we had a few problems

with the Finnish for no petting.

Hang about there are only
11 languages here Linda.

Yes Mr. Brittas.

There are 15 countries
in the community.

Yes, we know that Mr. Brittas

but in case you didn't
know, of the other four

-the Irish speak English-
-yes, I know the Irish

speak English, Tim,
they also speak Gaelic.

You want a sign in Gaelic?

Not to mention
Welsh and walloon.

-Walloon?
-Walloon.

It's a Belgian dialect, Tim.

Onto the sign makers, please.

[Carole roars ferociously]

Splendid Carole!

That's what I like to
see staff expressing

their lion within.

Now I want all these
goods marked up in Euros.

Euros, Mr. Brittas?

Euros, Carole.

The future European
currency to be phased in

by the year 2002.

There's the conversion table.

I want it done by first
thing in the morning, please.

Yes, of course, Mr. Brittas.

[Carole's double] Yes,
of course, Mr. Brittas.

Who said that?

-Who are you?
-Oh, don't you recognise me?

No.

Well who do you think's
been doing all the roaring,

my little raindrop?

I'm here to help you.

Help me?

Well it's about time
we got you out of

this tawdry little place.

After all you've been here
longer than Moses, let's face it!

What?

Well, forgive me but
you are just a dog's body!

I am not a dog's body!

[Gavin] Carole!

[Carole] Yes, Gavin?

If you get the chance, I
wonder if you can manage

a little photocopying for me?

Yes, what is it?

This.[loud thud]

The treaty of Rome,
foundation stone

of the common market.

Mr. Brittas wants it on public

display throughout the centre.

Oh, yes very well Gavin.

-Woof woof!
-Go away!

I'm sorry?

Not you, her!

Who?

He can't see me my little
tulip, nobody can but you.

[Gavin] You all right, Carole?

Yes.

-Fine thank you.
-Good.

Now listen my precious plum,

you've gotta cut the crap
and go for what you deserve!

-What are you doing Colin?
-Just finishing off

-the new enclosure, Linda.
-For what?

-Elephants?
-A tasmanian chipmunk!

Tasmanian chipmunk?

It's a rare and very
beautiful chipmunk

found only in southern tasmania.

It's my showpiece for
euro inspection day.

A big fence for a
chipmunk, isn't it?

But the tasmanian chipmunk
isn't your ordinary chipmunk.

They come much larger than usual

and can occasionally
bite hence the need for

a sound enclosure.

I hope you read those
guidelines I gave you

on keeping animals in captivity?

Don't you worry, Linda.

I treat them like
my own children.

Carole, did you manage to
do that photocopying for me?

[Carole hums]

Carole?

Photocopying?

That's dog's body
work isn't it, Gavin?

I'm sorry?

And I am not a dog's body!

If you want it
done do it yourself!

Gavin, Carole, how are you both?

Fine!

We've had better
days, Mrs. Brittas.

Really?

Well you'll be pleased
to know that I'm offering

a 10% discount for
all staff counselling.

So any problems,
no matter how small,

don't hesitate to
come and see me.

I don't have a
problem, Mrs. Brittas

but I know someone who does.

[Mr. Brittas and Julie
speaks in a foreign language]

[Language instructor
speaks in a foreign language]

[Language instructor]
Where is my watermelon?

[Language instructor
speaks in a foreign language]

Go on!

Do it now!

[Language instructor
speaks in a foreign language]

[Language instructor] Have
you seen my watermelon?

[Mr. Brittas and Julie
speaks in a foreign language]

Oh shut up!

I'm going for a coffee!

Julie, what is the
name of our judge

for euro inspection day?

-Mr. Coulu something.
-Mr. Coulucundis.

What nationality is he?

-Greek.
-Don't you think

it would be a good
idea if we showed him

that we've mastered the
basics of his language?

Right, so when he
walks through the door

I'll tell him the watermelon's

in the boot of the car and
I'd like a kilo of aubergines.

-[Carole knocks]
-Come in!

What is it, Carole?

Mr. Brittas, I wondered
if I could have a word?

I'm rather busy at
the moment, Carole.

No he's not.

I've had enough for one day.

Julie, first thing in the
morning test on vegetables!

[Julie speaks in a
foreign language]

Pardon?

Something I learnt
off a Greek waiter.

What is it Carole?

Mr. Brittas, I seem to
recall that at one stage

you were thinking of appointing
another deputy manager?

Yes, I'm still thinking of
advertising for the post.

Well, good!

Because there's someone I
think could do the job quite well.

If you mean Linda,
I don't really think

-she's got the experience.
-No, I don't mean Linda.

Actually I mean...

Me!

[Mr. Brittas laughs]

What's so funny, Mr. Brittas?

Oh, I really don't think
that's possible Carole.

-Why not?
-You see,

I need someone of great
confidence and high self-esteem

and as far as
those two things go

I don't really think you're
top of the tree, are you?

No of course not,
Mr. Brittas, I'm sorry.

Shouldn't have taken
up so much of your time.

That's all right, Carole.

Can we go back and
man reception now please?

And where do you
think you're going?

Go back and fight
for your rights!

I don't know what to say.

What are you whispering, Carole?

Nothing, Mr. Brittas.

Thank you, Carole.

Flattery will get
you everywhere.

Flattery?

Mr. Brittas, I just want to
say for the record that...

What's that Carole?

I've always admired
and looked up to you.

Have you?

Yes and it's been
such a privilege

to work for such
an enlightened man.

Why thank you, Carole.

Well done, my little peach.

And I believe I've learned
so much form observing you

-over the years.
-Brilliant!

It's almost worthy of me.

So, I just want a
chance to put what

I've learnt into action.

So stop wasting my time and
make me deputy manager now!

Ah, that's a little
crude for my liking...

Well!

But effective I guess!

"This is to announce
that Carole Parkinson

has been appointed
deputy line manager,

wet and dry with effect
from Wednesday 1st of June."

-That's today.
-I see another one

bites the dust!

Soon it'll be all
management and no workers.

Carole!

Why Carole?

Well, I think it's
marvellous news.

I think we should all celebrate.

Celebrate?

Nobody celebrated
when I got promoted!

It took me years to make deputy,

how come Carole
does it overnight?

Ah well she's got a
lion within, you see.

Yeah?

And what have I got?

A gerbil?

I can't believe it.

Me, deputy manager!

Yes and the view's even better

from the top of the mountain.

Yes.

What do you mean
top of the mountain?

Well, you don't think your
stopping at deputy do you,

my little mango?

We've gotta think big!

Are you sure this
is going to work?

Trust me, I know how he ticks.

Hello, councillor druggett,
this is Carole Parkinson

I've a little proposal
to make to you.

Right, I want banners stretching

all the way across
the roof saying

"welcome to whitbury
newtown leisure centre"

in all--30 different languages

and dialects of the
community including patois

spoken by the Swiss
village of alpenheim

which has a residential
population of 12.

Yes, Mr. Brittas we know.

Instead of banners, Mr. Brittas,

which just clutter up the roof,

why don't we just
fix the European flag

to the outside of the centre?

We say it all with
one simple gesture.

Carole, Carole, Carole
this is not a very good

start to your new career is it?

What do we have
to use to fix the flag?

-A ladder, Mr. Brittas.
-A ladder, Mr. Brittas.

And what is the council
regulation regarding staff

and ladders?

Well I'm not--we're
not allowed up them

are we?

And why is that?

Because--because we're not

covered by insurance.

These things should be
tripping off your tongue.

Are you sure about that
regulation Mr. Brittas?

Oh yes, yes, yes.

Yes, I think you'll
find I'm right Carole.

I remember reading
it to Helen in bed!

Right, where are we...

Ladders, ladders, ladders.

That's funny!

I could have sworn I'd seen.

Do you know what I did, Carole?

What's that, Mr. Brittas?

I must have been reading
last year's manual by mistake!

Which means there's no
regulation in this year's manual,

the council must
have scrapped it!

Which means you and I
have got ourselves a flagpole!

Yes and I'd like to
volunteer to organise it

if I may, Mr. Brittas.

Excellent, Carole!

You know, between you
and me, I have a hunch

that you're gonna make
one superb deputy manager

and I can't help feeling
just a twinge of pride

for spotting that lion within.

Oh, without you Mr. Brittas,

I wouldn't be where I am today.

Oh, thank you, Carole.

You coming?

No I'm gonna crack on and
order that flagpole if I may?

Good for you Carole.

Keep roaring!

Oh.

Did you know that I'm
offering two hours counselling

with 25% discount
and free cappuccino?

I've already got a
therapist Mrs. Brittas.

Have you?

And as far as I know most
of the staff are in therapy too.

You see with Mr. Brittas
as your boss you have to be.

Yes, I suppose that
stands to reason.

[Door bangs]

Oh what the hell!

[Linda] You all right
up there, Carole?

Yes, fine thank you Linda.

[Carole screams]

[Loud thud and clang]

Are you okay, Carole?

Stand back please!

Leave this to me.

How does that feel now Carole?

Fine, thank you Mr. Brittas.

Bit over the top for a
sprained ankle Mr. Brittas?

You cannot give
enough support, Linda.

-I've done the course.
-[Telephone rings]

Brittas!

[Jack] Hello Gordon,
I'm just ringing to find out

how your euro
preparations are going?

Fine, thank you Jack.

I heard one of your staff
had a bit of an accident.

Hmm news travels fast!

Carole Parkinson
fell off a ladder

and sprained her
ankle to be precise.

Oh, dear.

You are aware of the council
rule about staff using ladders?

Indeed Jack.

And you of all people should
know that it pertains to last

year's regulations.

It was passed by full
council in January of this year.

I think you'll find,
I'm right Jack.

If you look at the regulations

you'll see there's
actually nothing but...

Oh my god!

What's the matter, Gordon?

I've made a terrible mistake.

Which gives me no choice
but to resign as manager

of this sanctum.

But that's
ridiculous, Mr. Brittas.

It was just a minor oversight.

A minor oversight Gavin
that put one of my staff

in danger.

If I'd spotted that
regulation on ladders

none of this would
have happened.

It's only a sprained
ankle Mr. Brittas.

But it could have
been fatal, Linda.

I could have killed Carole.

We all make
mistakes Mr. Brittas.

Yes, but as
manager of this centre

I can't afford to make mistakes.

Or should I say ex-manager.

You're not serious about
resigning Mr. Brittas?

Oh I certainly am Colin.

With effect from today.

[All] What?

And I've been instructed
by councillor druggett

to tell you that the new manager

of this centre will
be Carole Parkinson.

[All] Carole?

But she's only been deputy five-

that's right, Carole is
gonna be the new manager

of this centre and I
hope that you give

her the same support
that you've given me.

I can't believe
this is happening.

What about your European
award for excellence Mr. Brittas?

Yes Mr. Brittas, don't
you still want to win it?

Of course I do, Colin.

But the important thing is
that this leisure centre wins it.

It doesn't matter
who's in charge.

Right, it only
remains for me to say

what an honour it's been
to have been your manager.

I shall miss you all.

Please don't go, Mr. Brittas!

Shall I call you a cab?

Julie!

Goodbye everyone.

[Colin sobs]

Pull yourself together Colin!

Right, everyone, back to work!

Now, there is nothing
wrong with you believe me.

Depression is just a symptom
of unexpressed hurt that's all.

Absent father,
overprotective mother,

you've had the classic examples

of a dysfunctional childhood.

Can you leave please, Gordon.

I'm with a client.

Helen, it's a sheep.

Well no one's perfect.

[Sheep bleats]

I know, he can
be very insensitive.

What do you want?

I've resigned.

What?

You what?

Mr. Brittas, you're back!

No Gavin.

I've just come to
see Carole that's all.

I believe she's expecting me.

Hang on, what are
you doing on reception?

Oh, it's Carole, Mr. Brittas.

She's made a few changes.

I'm receptionist now and
Julie is deputy manager.

Julie?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Bell rings]

Oh, if you'll excuse me
I've gotta do Jessica's bottle.

Yes that's right I
did say red carpet.

I want nothing but the best
for the European inspector.

-[Door knock]
-Come in!

Mr. Brittas is here to see you.

Oh, how lovely!

Mr. Brittas, do
come in, sit down.

-Two coffees, Tim.
-Yes, Carole.

Excuse me?

Sorry, Ms. Parkinson.

Thank you.

So, Mr. Brittas,
what can I do for you?

Carole, why have you
made all these changes?

With respect Mr. Brittas,
they're no longer your concern.

So how may I help you?

I wanted to ask a favour really.

I was wondering if you
had a vacancy for me?

Vacancy?

Anything at all.

Mowing the lawns,
unblocking the drains

but I wouldn't wanna
tread on Colin's toes.

Oh Mr. Brittas I wouldn't
dream of offering you such work.

No, really I don't mind.

You see in a funny sort
of way I'd rather be here

doing anything than
not be here at all.

Yes, well I'm afraid there's
nothing at the moment.

-Oh.
-If anything comes up I will

of course let you know.

Thank you, Carole.

See Mr. Brittas out, please Tim.

Oh I've just made the coffee.

I said Mr. Brittas is leaving!

And don't forget to
book my pedicure.

-No, Ms. Parkinson.
-Good morning!

Oh my god what am I doing?

Poor Mr. Brittas.

Yes, poor little man.

We'll send him some flowers.

Poor Tim, poor Gavin
and all the others

they don't like the
changes I'm making.

Well shocking as it may
seem my pretty petal,

they're not meant to.

Well I don't recognise
myself anymore!

Splendid!

None of the staff like me
and I've lost all my friends.

Who needs friends,
my little pomegranate

when you have power!

[Car door bangs]

Are you all right Gordon?

No I'm not, Helen.

I think I may need
some counselling.

You've got to make
it higher Linda.

I've told you tasmanian
chipmunks are very big animals.

Leave off, Colin.

It's not your job anymore.

Anyway I can't see why
we need barbed wire as well.

Just an added precaution.

[Julie] Hey, Colin
the pool's unmanned.

Quite frankly Julie I
don't give a monkey's.

Neither do I.

I never wanted to be a
swimming pool attendant.

I wish Mr. Brittas were back.

I thought I'd never see the day

when I'd actually miss him.

You should be pleased Julie, ow!

You're deputy manager now.

Oh I hate it, it's too
much responsibility.

Besides half the fun was
making his life a misery.

Anyway orders from
'er indoors, you've got

to close the children's corner.

What?

She says, "we'll never
win this European award

of excellence if
we've got a lot of dirty

animals running
around the place."

Time to make a stand I think.

[All] Bring back brittas!

Bring back brittas!

Bring back...

Brittas.

-What's going on?
-We're on strike Carole!

Well get back to work now.

Not until Mr. Brittas
has been reinstated!

I'm manager of the
leisure centre here

and I order you to
get back to work.

Down with Carole!

[All] Yes, down with Carole!

Down with Carole!

Oh, Gavin at least you've
remained loyal to me.

No, I haven't!

I just didn't have the
heart to leave the children.

Bring back brittas!

[Sighs] What am I gonna do?

Relax, my little mange
tout they'll come round...

Once they realise
their jobs are on the line.

Ah, Carole just to
say that I'm resigning

as staff counsellor.

Oh, Mrs. Brittas you're
not turning against me too?

What, no it's just that
Gordon and I are emigrating.

Emigrating?

Oh it's wonderful, Carole!

I've just had my first
major therapy breakthrough.

I've made Gordon see
that there's life beyond

leisure management.

-Where are you going?
-Katmandu.

Katmandu?

To live on a Buddhist ashram.

The children are going
to boarding school

and Gordon's waiting
for me now at the airport.

Bye bye, Carole.

I'll miss you.

Oh.

What have I done?

Mr. Brittas emigrating
and all because of me!

Excellent, my little cherub.

You've earned your wings.

You got me into this mess.

Well it's time to put
the record straight.

And where do you
think you're going?

I'm going to get
Mr. Brittas back!

You'll do no such thing!

Out of my way!

[Carole roars]

[Flight announcer]
Flight 216 to Katmandu

is now boarding at gate 7.

[Carole] Mr. Brittas stop!

Carole?

What are you doing here?

Mr. Brittas don't go!

No, Carole.

I'm going to Katmandu
to start a new life Carole,

nothing's gonna stop me.

-I tricked you Mr. Brittas.
-What?

I deliberately fell off
the ladder Mr. Brittas

knowing you'd blame
yourself for not spotting the rule

about staff going up ladders.

And the reason you
didn't spot it Mr. Brittas

is because I
swapped the labels...

[Sobs] All so I could
become manager.

I knew it was too
good to be true!

Mr. Brittas, the
European inspector's here!

Right, positions
everyone please, positions.

Gavin, cue the music.

[Greek music]

[Mr. Brittas speaks
in a foreign language]

Hang on, you're
not Mr. Coulucundis!

No, my name is lotte laudrup.

I'm from Denmark.

I'm afraid Mr. Coulucundis
was taken ill.

Gavin kill the music.

Yes, of course.

Let me introduce
you to my staff.

This is Julie.

And so we come to the
final leg of our grand tour,

the children's corner, a
little animal sanctuary run

by my other deputy
manager Mr. Colin wetherby.

Colin, this is miss laudrup
the European inspector.

A pleasure to meet
you, miss laudrup.

Let me introduce
you to the family.

This is Bertha, monty, Richard

here is our newest
member and my special

surprise for today, Terry
the tasmanian chipmunk!

Colin, there's nothing there.

Hang on, the padlock's gone!

I know.

That's because I put it
back on the fire escape door

where it's supposed to be.

Oh my god!

Lotte, I don't know about you

but I could murder a coffee.

-Mr. Brittas!
-Not now!

Gordon brittas, staff of
whitbury leisure centre,

this is the most euro-friendly
leisure centre I have seen

even though you did forget
to put signs up in svurdish,

the dialect spoken
in my village.

Nevertheless, it gives
me great pleasure

to present you with the
European award for excellence.

[Everyone claps]

[Distant roar]

What was that?

That was my receptionist,
she tends to roar occasionally.

Come on, Terry.

Good boy, Terry.

Terry?

[Footsteps scuttle]

[Loud crash]

You come back here!

Terry!

Terry come back!

Terry!

Well, miss laudrup, bon voyage!

Or as they say in Greek
[Speaks in a foreign language].

-Mr. Brittas.
-Not now Colin.

But Mr. Brittas--Colin!

Perhaps see you in Denmark
sometime Mr. Brittas?

I don't think so.

Went to Copenhagen
a couple of years ago

and found it rather dull.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Where did you visit?

The airport.

Goodbye Mr. Brittas!

Bye, lotte!

What a nice lady!

Mr. Brittas.

Yes, Colin?

It's Terry the tasmanian
chipmunk, he's escaped!

I've told you those
animals are to be kept

in their enclosures.

You don't
understand, Mr. Brittas.

You see, Terry
isn't from tasmania

and he isn't
actually a chipmunk.

What do you mean?

I was keeping it as a surprise.

You see, when you gave your talk

about finding the
lion within I thought...

You thought what Colin?

Wouldn't it be wonderful
if we had a real lion

as a celebration and
then when whitbury zoo

said that Terry
needed a new home...

Have you done what
I think you've done?

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

And I'm afraid
the lion within is...

-Without!
-What?

[Lion roars]

[Audience claps and cheers]

[Upbeat theme music]