The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 6, Episode 7 - Snap Happy - full transcript

[Regimental music]

[Gordon] Right,
number two again.

Yeah, number one.

Right, number three again.

We said this one
wouldn't work, Mr. Brittas.

Right back row number
one, front row number two.

[Audience laughing]

That's the one!

You know what that
pose says to me?

We've been standing
here for 1 hour 45 minutes?

No, it says we're a team,
but we're also individuals.



We're cheerful, but we're also
serious about our commitment

to you, the customer,
who's entrusted to us

your safety and
physical wellbeing,

during the time you're here

at whitbury new
town leisure centre.

Right, I think
we're ready to go.

[Audience laughing]

Da da da!

Oh, now you will make
sure you get the sports field in

over there, we just
had it specially mowed?

I've set it for a full 180
degrees, Mr. Brittas.

Right. [Clears throat]

-Smile pleasantly, Carole.
-[Audience laughing]

I'll go through it again.



The camera will start to
my left, that's your right,

it will then pan across, taking
approximately 20 seconds

to reach the other side.

So please keep
as still as possible.

[Julie gasps]

Julie, keep still!

The baby's kicking!

I'm keeping still for two here.

[Audience laughing]

-[Colin sniffs]
-You all right, Colin?

They've cut the grass, Linda,

it's playing havoc
with my rhinitis.

Ready?

Either that or I
haven't quite recovered

from the bronchial
catarrh last week.

We're rolling.

[Cameral whirring]

[Phone ringing]

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Sorry, mobile, means urgent.

Brittas.

Hello, my darling.

We're sitting for
the photo right now.

Yes, I'll get plenty of copies.

Well, one to go above
reception, of course,

one for each of the
kids' scrapbooks,

and I thought one to go
above the mantelpiece

instead of that picture
by that Norwegian.

Well, I can't understand
why it is your favourite, Helen,

it's just a picture of a lady

holding her head and screaming.

[Audience laughing]

Ready!

Right, better go now, my love.

Yes, I'd love to know what
you got planned for today,

but call you back
in five minutes.

Promise, bye!

Sorry about that!

[Audience laughing]

We're rolling.

[Camera whirring]

[Colin coughs]

[Audience laughing]

It is the catarrh, I
thought as much.

Oh god!

You should have been
wearing green like the rest of us.

It's an yves st Laurent!

Please, boys!

Yves st Laurent?

Deputy managers get an extra
clothing allowance, you know.

Yes, all right, there's no
need to ram it down my throat!

Look, it's no picnic being
deputy manager, you know,

I have to shoulder a
lot of extra responsibility.

The buck stops here.

Boys!

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Brittas, I'm gonna have
to go and change the shirt.

Hurry up, Gavin!

And where do you think
you're going, penny?

I'm going to turn a
woman over on a sunbed.

[Mr. Brittas mimics penny]

-Mr. Brittas?
-What?

I ought to go and check
everything's all right

with the pirate party.

Curly wurlies!

What?

I've forgotten to
put the curly wurlies

in the picnic bags!

Toilet!

Check Ben, Mr. Brittas.

Just get back as quickly
as you can, please.

Haven't you got
somewhere to go, Timothy?

Mr. Brittas, if I get the
franchise for the canteen,

this will be my farewell photo.

I don't wanna miss that.

In fact, I'm quite happy
to wait here all day.

That won't be necessary, Tim.

[Audience laughing]

[All clamouring]

Will you be quiet?

[Audience laughing]

The buck stops there.

[All clamouring]

When can we go
back in the [stutters].

Pool, I think she's saying pool.

We weren't even allowed
to get our [stutters].

Towels?

We hadn't even
finished warming up yet!

Yes, and we've had one
round of soggy sandwiches,

three balloons, the treasure
island's got a puncture,

and now I've got
27 kids dripping wet

and going berserk
in the corridor!

Well, I'm sorry, but until
the center's properly staffed,

I can't--no, hang on!

I tell a lie, 24,

'cause when he turned up,

three jumped out of the pool

and locked themselves
in the minibus.

Mind you, to be fair, two
did ask for his autograph

'cause they thought
they'd seen him

in "nightmare on elm street".

I want my [stutters].

Your mummy?

No, my [stutters].

No, no, no, sorry, she
wants her money back!

-So do I!
-[All clamouring]

I can't possible
authorise a refund-

you're supposed to be the
deputy manager, aren't you?

I'm not really deputy,

more sort of, trainee.

-[All groaning]
-Or, on trial!

See Mr. Brittas, he'll
sort everything out.

-No!
-Yes!

[All clamouring]

Where's brittas? Get
him here and we'll-

mini Mars bar, mini bounty,

slammer whammer, curly wurly.

Mini Mars bar-

think what it'll do
to their teeth, Colin.

You'll have the
parents up in arms.

It's all kids eat, Linda.

That and jellies.

They've hardly touched them.

Colin, this tastes rather odd.

Dessert topping, Linda.

It's carpet foam!

No, no, it can't
possibly be carpet foam,

because I always put the
carpet foam in the top shelf

of my locker after I've finished
cleaning for the evening.

I thought those
carpets smelt funny.

[Audience laughing]

Are we now ready?

[Staff] Yes.

We're rolling.

[Camera whirring]

[Audience laughing]

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

What now?

I can't just keep up
this smiling, you know.

Look, we've lost the sun.

It's gone behind a
cloud, Mr. Brittas.

We tend to get
them in this country.

[Audience laughing]

Does it really matter
that much, Mr. Brittas?

Gavin, once he
presses that button,

we are captured for prosperity.

When, in years from now,

people are trawling
through the archives

and they wipe the dust off

whitbury new town
leisure centre, team 1996,

what is it to be?

A merely acceptable image
taken in the dullish light?

Or the 10 of us bathed
in glorious sunshine,

with the centre glinting
in the background?

I think we all know the answer.

[Audience laughing]

It's clouding over, Mr. Brittas.

[Gordon groans]

Look, let's just
adjourn to the centre,

and I'll keep a check
on the weather reports.

I'm booked to go to
tenerife a week on Tuesday.

[Audience laughing]

[All complaining]

[Gordon] Right,
excuse me please-

-oh, here he is!
-Excuse me, please,

excuse me, right,
attention please!

All areas previously off limits

are now once more accessible.

[Customers cheer]

Except, that is, for the
gym and the swimming pool.

[Customers groan]

Right, so swimmers may
paddle in the foot wash.

[Audience laughing]

Aerobics may take
place by the salad bar,

and the pirate party can take
place in squash court three.

[All complaining]

Ah, ah, ah, ah!

Wet feet, wet feet, wet feet!

Carole, flip flops
all around, please.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

That's two pound 50,

and five pound deposit
per pair, thank you.

[Audience laughing]

Why didn't we just close
the centre for the morning?

Why is watford gap
nowhere near watford?

Why do we get fluff
in our belly buttons?

Mr. Brittas?

You know you've got that
man from the English heritage

waiting upstairs.

Yes.

And they're still
waiting to demolish

the old air raid shelter.

-Yes.
-Mr. Brittas,

I wonder, do you
think it might be an idea

to postpone the photograph
until tomorrow morning?

Gavin, have you been
to safeways recently?

There is a giant display of
pineapple chunk cans there.

Take one can from the middle
of the pile, and what happens?

You get beaten up
by the store detectives.

[Audience laughing]

The whole display
collapses, Timothy.

I see.

See this diary?

If we postpone the
photograph 'til tomorrow,

what happens is we have to
move the air conditioning service

to the afternoon, which
means you have to postpone

the argos whitbury branch
squash semifinal draw

to the following day

which has serious
knock on implications

for the locker security review,

the southern counties
leisure centres association

logo shortlist discussion,

and dawn Dipper's
enrollment session too.

But the afternoon's
completely free,

what about then?

Whoo, no it's not, Timothy.

It's a free afternoon session.

[Audience laughing]

We have to keep one
afternoon free a month

to get our breath back.

[Gordon pants]

If you'll excuse me.

[Bell dings]

Oh, welcome to whitbury
new town leisure centre,

how--may I help you? Yes.

Well, you can start by
looking after that and this,

it's got my spare films in.

That'll two pounds.

What?

Storage fee, don't
worry, you'll get it back.

What, the two pounds?

No, the bag.

[Audience laughing]

Oh, Mr. Mendip!

-No!
-Please!

-No!
-Ben loves parties!

I remember last
year, Mrs. Parkinson.

He had such a good time.

He got hold of the flymo.

He was just a
little high-spirited!

I used to do punch and
Judy shows, you know.

[Audience laughing]

Blimmin' kids!

Hey, wait!

-What?
-You can't do it yet.

Look, this demolition
was booked for 10:30.

We've been wired up
ready for the last hour.

I can't leave it like
this, I gotta make it safe.

Ah, well Mr. Brittas wants
his photo with all the staff.

But I saw you all go back in.

Yeah, but we'll all
be coming out again

as soon as the sun comes out.

Mr. Brittas wants the
light to be just right.

It's only a photo, not
"Lawrence of Arabia".

[Audience laughing]

Hey, it's not going to
be a right big bang, is it?

I don't wanna give birth.

No, it's muffled, it's
just four concrete walls.

They'll implode.

As long as there
is nothing inside,

there won't be
any debris either.

Wonder how many seven
year olds you could fit in there.

[Workman laughs]

Sorry about that Mr. Humphries.

["Fur Elise"]

I said sorry about
that, Mr. Humphries!

[Audience laughing]

You now have my
undivided attention, sir.

Yes, well, if you're sure.

[Buzzer rings]

Yes, Julie?

I've got you the met office.

Thank you, Julie.

With you in a micro sec.

Hello, Gordon brittas, whitbury
new town leisure centre.

Oh, you've heard
of us, have you?

Yes, well you see, we've
reached a bit of a cloudy spell

at the moment, I was
wondering if you could confirm

when we can next
expect a gap of sunshine

of at least 10 clear minutes.

I'd have thought it was
pretty easy, actually.

At the moment we have
bands of cumulostratus

usually indicative of a
fast-moving weather front,

all you've got to do
is cross-reference

our map position,
51, 35 north, 2 west,

with your latest satellite map,

and then measure the wind speed

and Bob's your uncle, all right?

Bye, bye!

[Audience laughing]

Right, where were
we, Mr. Humphries?

Now, you've made an
application to our office

for your centre
to be registered-

-[alarm blares]
-[Mr. Humphries groans]

It's all right, Mr. Humphries,

it's only our regular Wednesday
morning fire alarm test.

You are very jumpy, aren't you?

What I recommend to you,

is our health spa
De-stress programme,

tailor-made for
people like yourself

who suffer from
premature ageing.

[Audience laughing]

Look, I am fine.

It's just sudden noises.

I just spent three
months on the isle of iona

supervising the
underpinning of the monastery.

I still haven't got
re-acclimatized.

-[Phone ringing]
-[Mr. Humphries groans]

Oh, do excuse me.

Hello, my darling.

It's gonna have to
be quick, I'm afraid.

Really? I'm very proud, Helen.

Very, very proud indeed.

Now you be careful,

you've not done this
sort of exercise before.

I've got a message from
the met office for you.

All right, thanks Julie.

Now, my darling,

what I suggest you do is
some warmup exercises,

'cause you're going to put a
lot of pressure on your femur.

What I suggest is
10 groin squeezes.

What is it, Julie?

Right, well, they said
the next sunny interval

will be at 11:35 and last
12 and a half minutes.

There will then
be a short shower

which should just
clear the Ford Sierra

at the east end of the car park.

Excellent, Julie!

I think they were being
facetious, Mr. Brittas.

Gotta go now, my darling, yes,

I'm behind you 110% of the way.

All right, bye! [Laughs]

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Humphries, how many men

can boast of a wife
who, at the age of 40,

decides to take up jumping?

[Audience laughing]

Thank you.

Are you feeling
better, Mrs. Brittas?

Armitage shanks.

Pardon?

Toilet bowls, they're always
armitage shanks, aren't they?

No, I tell a lie, I saw
an ideal standard

just after breakfast.

[Audience laughing]

[Ben crying]

Don't cry, Ben, I'm sure
there might be a party bag

at the end of the day.

Can we have some more
balloons up there, please?

Yes, of course, Mr. Mendip.

I'm very sorry I tried to get
Ben invited to your party,

it was very pushy of me,

especially when you'd got
all the numbers worked out.

[Ben crying]

They've just got to
learn, haven't they?

A good dose of
sitting all alone,

listening to all the
happy, laughing voices.

I think a child lucky
enough to get a headstart

in paranoia and insecurity-

all right, all right.

Let him come.

Oh, Ben, you shall
go to the party!

That's if it's all
right, Mr. Mendip,

ooh, Ben, stop that!

Put that sword away, not now!

Now, if you could just do
this, push the button here.

Now, Ben's right
side is his best,

and he usually prefers the
last present in pass the parcel,

if that's all right, Mr. Mendip.

Now--[phone rings]

Hold on.

[Mr. Humphries groans]

[Mobile rings]

[Mr. Humphries groans]

[Buzzer rings]

[Mr. Humphries groans]

He's busy!

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Humphries.

I am not stressed!

[Audience laughing]

Now, you've made
application to us

at English heritage for your
leisure centre to be registered

as a grade one listed building.

Mr. Brittas, this status is
usually conferred on buildings

of a distinguished architectural
and historical nature-

precisely, which is
why we have a duty

to ensure that in a
hundred years from now,

whitbury new town leisure
centre is still standing,

proud and erect, a monument

to the great golden
age of publicly available

sport and leisure facilities
with ample parking.

[Audience laughing]

[Air whistling]

Oh my god!

[Audience laughing]

1,000, 2,000, 3,000,
canopy, toggles.

Are you sure you want
to go through with this?

Oh yes, my therapist
said the only way

you can really
reenergize your life

is to confront
your own mortality.

You think of your own worst
nightmare, your worst phobia,

submit yourself
to it, conquer it,

and you should
come out of it purged

of all your
self-negative feelings.

I don't have any phobias.

Confined spaces, open spaces,

drownings, electrocutions,
being buried alive,

never really bothered me.

I mean, when you're
married to Gordon

you get quite used
to them all, really.

[Audience laughing]

Then I thought, heights.

[Mrs. Brittas groans]

[Pilot] Five minutes!

Ever since our honeymoon.

Two weeks for the price of
one at the holiday inn, croydon.

[Audience laughing] Gordon
said he wanted to go there

so he could see the diving board

at the crystal
palace sports centre.

Apparently, it's the
highest in the country.

There we were, right at the top.

Gordon saying you've
just got to admire

the cantilever
tip-up seating system

and the digital Lane timers,

when suddenly, he slipped.

I think it was his hush puppies.

And I just froze.

I can see it now, standing
at the top, peering over,

Gordon hurtling through space,

those synchronised
swimmers small as dots below-

-down the corridor!
-[Mrs. Brittas retches]

Second on the right!

[Mrs. Brittas] I know!

We'll aim for the field
next to the racecourse.

That Mrs. Brittas?

Isn't she the wife of-

yeah.

Wasn't he the one who-

yeah.

My lord, what he did was-

I know.

It was ve day
celebrations, damn it!

I know!

Have you seen the state
of the swimming pool?

I mean, there's food in
it, wrappers, bits of donut,

one child hasn't even
bothered to use the toilet.

Oh, don't, you're
making me all nostalgic

for Blackpool beach.

[Audience laughing]

Gavin, there's been
another accident in the pool.

Well, several actually,

and I think it's something
the kids have eaten.

Why do you think that?

I spent all last Saturday
making these sandwiches!

[Audience laughing]

-What a waste!
-I see what you mean.

Still, never mind, we
can scrape off the Marge,

take out the ham, cling
film it all again 'til next time.

[Audience laughing]

Well, it'll have
to be cleaned up,

we've got those natural
childbirth semifinals

coming in later
on, Tim, could you-

when I'm in charge
of the canteen,

I will never have to do
this sort of thing again.

Yes, so as a final gesture,

if you could just run over the
surface with net and skimmer,

I'll--yes?

Well, do the liaising
with Mr. Brittas, you know,

keep him updated with
progress reports and stuff.

Gavin.

Yes, Mr. Brittas?

At this precise moment,

a Mr. Humphries
of English heritage

is touring our centre with
a view to recommending

that it be preserved as
one of the nation's jewels,

alongside stonehenge,
westminster Abbey,

and brockenhurst
volleyball centre.

[Audience laughing]

Wouldn't it be a pity if his
impressions were coloured

by the rubbish bags
outside the emergency exit?

Yes. Mr. Brittas.

Yes.

Don't even think about it.

[Audience laughing]

Ugh, oh no, that's
my best Paul Smith!

All right, Gavin?

Oh, Linda, Linda, couldn't
give us a hand, could you?

Mr. Brittas wants
these hidden away

from the English
heritage inspector.

I thought we'd just put
them in there for now.

-All right?
-Okay.

[Gavin] Great.

Oi, I thought I was
lending a hand.

Yes, I just thought
I'd tell Mr. Brittas-

yes?

That you're lending a hand.

Otherwise he might wonder
where you are, that sort of thing.

Staff liaison.

[Audience laughing]

Oh, what a mess!

Well, that's kids.

Vasectomies, they're so easy.

[Audience laughing]

Well, we'll have
to drain the pool.

[Colin] No need
to drain the pool!

Where did you get
that equipment from?

[Audience laughing]

Well, it can't be
whitbury scuba club,

they haven't been back
since we covered the pool

for the night and
they were still in there.

It's amazing what
you can pick up

at a car boot sale nowadays.

I've just found this
spare tank of air.

Now, we'll use the skimmer

for the liquid stuff
on the surface,

and any stubborn bits or
stuff that's stuck in the filter,

I'll pick up by hand into
my underwater scooper.

Should be done in a jiffy, if
you could just give me a hand.

[Water splashing]

I should be about
20 minutes, Tim.

What if we need
to get hold of you?

Ah, divers have a special
language, Tim, now.

This means, okay,

I have a problem.

I'm drowning?

I'm low on air.

What about, the sun's out,

and if we don't get the photo
done in the next five minutes

the photographer will
have a nervous breakdown?

Colin, one problem.

I won't be underwater with you.

You're right, Tim.

I hadn't thought about that.

Hey Tim, I can't
miss that photograph.

I've promised three copies to
me auntie Hetty in tasmania,

then there's my step-niece-

-oh, charlene!
-Here, tie this on here.

And then, if we need
to get hold of you

I'll just give you a yank.

Better make it three
yanks, just to be sure.

1,000, 2,000,
3,000, 4,000, 5,000.

You open at 3,000, Mrs. Brittas.

8,000, 9,000-

Mrs. Brittas, you've
hit the ground!

What?

[Audience laughing]

Oh my god, I froze!

What if that happens
when I jump?

You're on a static
line, Mrs. Brittas,

if that fails, you've
got a back-up chute.

Well, what if I lose it?

It's attached to your shoulder.

But what if I get attacked
by a flock of starlings

and they peck it off me?

-[Audience laughing]
-Mrs. Brittas-

there's so many things
that could go wrong,

I don't think I can
go through with it.

But you've come through
with flying colours, so far.

The fitness training,
the rehearsal jump,

filling in the supplementary
life insurance form-

what?

Just a joke, Mrs. Brittas,

to put you at your ease.

Now, it's all very
straightforward.

We're gonna let you out just
five miles west of whitbury,

and you should hit, sorry!

Land in a large
open field there.

I think I'm making
a terrible mistake.

What do I do?

What would your
husband want you to do?

Gordon, that's right!

I'll ask Gordon,
where's my mobile?

Oh no, I think I'm
gonna, it's the turbulence,

how high, don't look
out of the window!

Don't look out of the window.

We haven't left the
ground yet, Mrs. Brittas.

Oh, Humphrey?

These are the
original sliding doors.

Mr. Brittas, the deadline
for application is today

if you want to make the
new register, so I must get on.

Well, you don't have much time

to stand around
here talking, do you?

[Audience laughing]

Look, madam, we've
got other jobs to go to.

Tell your guv'ner
we either do it now,

or we've gotta come
back another day.

All right, I'll go
and see Mr. Brittas.

[Phone dialling]

Right, the man downstairs
says, can he go ahead now?

Otherwise he'll have
to come back later.

I've already told him
to get on with it, Julie,

as quickly as possible, please.

Right.

Oh, and can you tell
him to make a note?

We've got three disabled toilets

and can handle teas
up to a hundred people.

Right.

Can you collect
your son, please?

Why, is the party over already?

He had a screaming fit,

so I let him have
the big present

at the end of pass the parcel.

He carried on screaming,

so I rigged musical
chairs for him.

I let him have the first prize
in the pirate fancy dress,

and the second, and third,
and the consolation prize.

Finally, he took three girls
hostage in the racquet locker

and he said he
wouldn't release them

until he'd been given
all the party bags,

which he's now eating.

Party bags?

Yes, all 27 of them!

[Audience laughing]

You're letting him
eat 27 party bags?

Have you any idea what
that will do to his teeth?

[Mr. Mendip grunts]

[Audience laughing]

Sun!

[Audience laughing]

You don't look very well,
you've gone very green,

and shall I rub your
tummy, make it feel better?

[Linda] Sun's out!

What?

Sun's out, I'll get Mr. Brittas.

Oh, right, darling, mummy's
got to go away for a minute,

oh no, don't be sick, Ben!

I'll get a bucket.

[Audience laughing]

[Ben whines]

[Ben retches]

I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas, it is
a fairly attractive design,

but we are only
listing buildings

that have specific
historical interest.

However, behind your building,

I noticed an original
powkerby jepson

concrete air-raid shelter.

One of only two
remaining in existence.

Not only do I recommend
it for grade one status,

but to alter it in any way
would be an infringement

of the town and country
planning act 1970.

Helen?

[Linda knocks]

Sun's out!

What?

Gotta dash, my darling!

-What?
-Not you, humph.

[Audience laughing]

What happened to that
blimmin' gas canister?

Well, it was here before.

Sun's out!

Ooh.

[Audience laughing]

Colin, Colin!

[Bubbles whoosh]

[Audience laughing]

[Water splashes]

[Colin gurgling]

Oh god!

Ladies and gentlemen,
all areas of main reception

are off-limits again,

customers are welcome, of
course, to gather in reception

and avail themselves
of facilities therein,

thank you, bye.

What facilities?

Well, there's the
vending machines,

a view of the car park,
a lovely floor to walk on.

Mr. Brittas,
Mr. Brittas, Mr. Brittas,

come quickly, it's Colin!

Excuse me on second, please.

What's wrong with him?

[Tim] He's just come-

can I have, ah!

[Audience groaning]

[Colin gibbering]

He's come up too
quick, he's got the bends.

Linda, get an ambulance.

Please, Mr. Brittas,
I'll be all right.

Don't let me miss the photo!

Stay calm, Colin, we've
got to get you to hospital.

But Mr. Brittas-

you've got to go to a
decompression chamber.

I'll miss the photo, I'm
gonna miss the photo!

Ambulance will be
here next Wednesday.

What?

I got that switchboard operator

you keep timing
with your stopwatch.

Please, Mr. Brittas,
let me be in the photo!

I have an idea.

[Audience laughing]

Well, I think it's
rather flattering.

Oh, Mr. Brittas,
Mr. Humphries could take Colin!

We could just slide him in.

Right, as quickly
as possible, please.

[Colin] I wanna be in the photo!

We will, of course,
refund your petrol,

providing you supply
me with a receipt

and a note of the
mileage at the start

and at the end of
your journey, all right?

[Mobile ringing]

Gordon!

My darling?

Mr. Brittas, the photographer
says we've got to hurry up.

There's more cloud coming.

Gordon, this is the
stupidest thing I've ever done,

I mean, we're at 8,000
feet now, and I think-

what was that, my darling?
I can hardly hear you.

Could you wait,
Mr. Brittas, just let to me-

[audience laughing]

We've gotta go now, while
there's a gap in the clouds!

It's now or never.

[Audience laughing]

Jesus Christ!

She didn't wait for the signal!

We haven't even
cleared whitbury!

[Audience laughing]

-Ah!
-Do we have a problem?

Yes, it's my bag,
my spare films.

It's only a bit of vomit.

[Audience laughing]

You spend your life nursing,

cherishing your
precious equipment,

keeping it under lock
and key, and now this!

Well, that's your photo
knocked on the head.

Pardon?

No spare films now.

Haven't you still got
some film in the camera?

Yes.

Well, we're ready.

We've been here since nine!

We've had phones ringing,
hay fever, morning sickness!

You've swapped more
positions than the "Kama Sutra"!

I am down to my last exposure.

What on earth makes you
think we're going to get it

in one now?

D'you know what's
missing from your life?

Hmm?

Optimism!

[Audience laughing]

[Engine starting]

Ready?

[Audience laughing]

[Camera whirring]

-[Explosion booms]
-[Staff scream]

[Rubbish clatters]

[Audience laughing]

[Staff screaming]

I'd be lying if I said I was
entirely happy with that one.

[Regimental music]

[Audience applauding]