The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 6, Episode 6 - Mr Brittas Falls in Love - full transcript

[Light military band music]

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Of course, Mr. Brittas.

No, we won't forget.

It's in the diary
for next Tuesday.

Yes, I do look at
my diary, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Goodbye, Mr. Brittas.

[Ambient seaside music]

[Door knocking]



Mr. Brittas?

Um, Mr. Brittas?

[Audience laughing]

Mr. Brittas.

You wanted to
see me, Mr. Brittas?

Isn't that a beautiful
sound, Gavin?

Yes, sounds like
seagulls, Mr. Brittas.

No, not seagulls, Gavin.

Now, why did I call you up here?

Yes, I want everyone

in the staff restroom
right away, please.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Canapes, Ben.



Come on, darling,
they're your favourite.

Smoked salmon, beluga caviar.

[Audience laughing]

Well, please yourself.

Carole, what's up
with Mr. Brittas?

He's acting very strangely.

Oh, I know.

Ever since he's come
back from his tour,

he's had a sort of somewhat
distant and, dare I say it,

poetic look about him.

Satay stick?

Oh, no, thank you, no.

I don't get it.

He's up in his office now,

listening to sounds of the sea.

Carole, how are the staff
enjoying my canapes?

Oh, wonderful, Tim.

I'm enjoying...

Everyone's enjoying
every mouthful.

If I could make one
tiny little suggestion.

Go on.

The prawn parcels.

Just a teeny weeny
bit too much coriander.

You're right.

Oh, by the way, Carole,

has my case turned up yet?

Yes, it came this morning.

Excellent, puligny-montrachet,

25 quid a bottle this stuff.

That's a bit steep for a
staff canteen, isn't it, Tim?

Look, as long as I'm in charge,

I want the people to
have the best on offer.

[Timer beeping]

Oh no, my coq au vin.

Tim, there's a staff
meeting in five minutes.

Yeah, yeah, bye bye.

Sure?

They're very good.

Now, as you know, last
week I was sent by Brussels

on a fact-finding tour of
European leisure centres.

And since I've come back,
some of you have noticed

that I've been rather
dreamy and aloof.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Is everything all right?

Yes, fine thanks, Linda.

But as your manager,
I think it's only fair

that I should explain why I
have been behaving this way.

It was while we were in-

I'm so sorry I'm
late, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

We have osmosis in
the downstairs toilets.

[Audience laughing]

Just sit down please, Colin.

Murky, yet at the same time,

a teasingly transparent
lake is welling up

out of one of the bowls.

Thank you, Colin.

I've tried flushing it

but it only seems to
make matters worse.

[Audience laughing]

Sit down please, Colin.

Now to cut a long story short,

it was on the
Norwegian leg of our tour

that it all happened.

What happened?

[Audience laughing]

I fell in love.

In love?

With Ingrid, the most divine
creature you've ever seen.

Does Mrs. Brittas
know about this?

Oh, yes.

Mrs. Brittas is in
love with her too.

[Audience laughing]

Don't you think the
three of you should try

and sort this out in
private, Mr. Brittas.

No, Timothy,
you're all part of it.

[All scoffing]

Allow me to show you
a photograph of Ingrid.

Mr. Brittas, I don't
think that's appropriate.

[Julie sighing]

It's a dolphin.

That's right, Gavin.

The sounds in my office

that you thought were seagulls
were in actual fact sounds

of one of these
beautiful creatures.

Are you trying to
tell us you're in love

with a dolphin, Mr. Brittas?

That's right, Tim, yes.

It will be sheep next.

[Audience laughing]

You see, it was while we were

at the [speaking foreign
language] in Oslo-

you what?

That's Norwegian for
"leisure centre", Julie.

[Audience laughing]

Mrs. Brittas and I were
invited to swim with Ingrid.

Now, at first I was sceptical,

never having bathed
with a mammal before,

but after two laps with Ingrid,

I was filled with the
most extraordinary sense

of wellbeing and love for
my fellow human beings.

What was the dolphin doing

in the leisure
centre, Mr. Brittas?

An intelligent question, Linda,

and indeed one that I asked.

Apparently it's part of their
occupational therapy programme.

The fact is that these
creatures have the power to heal.

Aren't you thinking of
hamsters, Mr. Brittas?

[Audience laughing]

No, Timothy, I'm not.

I'm here to tell you that Mrs.
Brittas was on a heavy course

of antibiotics at the time-

are you sure they
were antibiotics?

What do you mean?

Well, only the last time
she was on antibiotics,

she was convinced I
was the first movement

of mendelssohn's
violin concerto.

[Audience laughing]

She happened to be
allergic to penicillin.

Mrs. Brittas, after a
couple of laps with Ingrid,

needed the pills no longer.

She was completely cured.

And with my own eyes, I
saw a little disabled child,

all sad and forlorn.

After a couple of
laps with Ingrid,

she sprang out of the
pool with a new look

of brightness upon her face.

That is so beautiful.

[Audience laughing]

It is indeed, Colin.

And that is why next Tuesday
is gonna be dolphin day

at whitbury-newtown
leisure centre.

You mean we're gonna
have a dolphin in the pool?

That's right, Gavin.

I've ordered it already.

I believe the people of
whitbury should benefit

from swimming with one
of these lovely creatures.

I think that is a magnificent
gesture, Mr. Brittas.

Thank you, Colin.

The pool will of course
have to be drained

and filled with seawater.

I've already made arrangements-

I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas,
I must protest.

I really don't think we should
promote keeping animals

in captivity, especially
when they're being used

for sordid public entertainment.

Linda, I hardly call
a day of healing,

"sordid public entertainment".

Healing?

Poppycock, it's a
day of cheap thrills.

Right, whoa, far be it
from me to ignore a protest

from one of my staff members.

We shall put it to
the vote, shall we?

All those in favour of
dolphin day, raise their hands.

All those against
dolphin day raise theirs.

Right, yes, you're
outnumbered, Linda.

[Mr. Brittas cackling]

[Audience laughing]

Finally, before we
get back to work,

Mrs. Normanton is on holiday.

Timothy has kindly volunteered

to take over the running
of the staff canteen.

I'd like to wish him luck.

Actually, I've
been going a week,

not that anybody's noticed.

Well, perhaps more
people would turn up

if you dropped your prices.

[All] Yeah.

Just a minute, I do a
17 pounds set menu,

which I think is
very reasonable.

And that includes a
half carafe of wine.

I always bring butties myself.

[Audience laughing]

Well, right, anyway,

perhaps Tim you could do
something nice for dolphin day.

I'm rather partial to
Shepherd's pie myself.

Told you it'd be sheep next.

[Audience laughing]

Well I'll do my
best, Mr. Brittas,

but it won't be Shepherd's pie.

Morning, Carole.

[Carole mumbling]

What?

Welcome to whitbury-newtown
leisure centre, Mr. Brittas.

How can I help you?

Has that brine
delivery arrived yet?

Yes, Mr. Brittas,

they're pumping it
through the back door.

Excellent.

You've got green
bits in your teeth.

Oh, sorry.

Mr. Brittas, as you're here,

I'd like to show
you something I did

in my art evening class
especially for today.

[Audience laughing]

Very nice, Carole.

Particularly like the submarine.

Thank you...

It's not a submarine,
Mr. Brittas.

It's a dolphin.

Mr. Brittas?

I am rather busy at
the moment, penny.

No, I found this girl
wandering around the building.

She says she's from
whitbury comprehensive.

Completely slipped my mind.

You're here to see how a
leisure centre works, aren't you?

What's your name?

Rosemary rawlinson.

Rosemary what?

Rosemary rawlinson.

She's rather shy.

Right, well if you're gonna
be with us for two weeks,

I'm afraid you're gonna
have to learn to speak up,

aren't you, Rosemary?

Yes.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Bit of a stickler for
formality, penny,

particularly when it
comes to young people.

I'm so sorry to
interrupt, Mr. Brittas.

Just to say I've managed

to unblock the
left-hand cubicle but-

thank you, Colin.

About time after four days.

Rosemary, this is
Mr. Colin weatherby,

one of my deputy managers.

Colin, this is
Rosemary rawlinson

who's with us on a
fortnight's work placement.

How do you do, Rosemary?

[Audience laughing]

Colin, I'd like you to look
after Rosemary for me.

Me, Mr. Brittas?

I'll treat her like
my own daughter.

[Audience laughing]

Colin, be a bit sensitive,

she's got a hideous
speech impediment.

[Audience laughing]

Right, I've got a brine
delivery to see to.

Carole, no eating
on duty, please.

[Audience laughing]

Julie, can you do us a favour?

No.

Oh, please, Julie.

It's just a tiny little
thing I want you to do.

No.

Now here's your menus.

Oh, thanks, Julie.

Look, if you could just
call the fishmongers.

I've gotta shoot off

to the vegetable
market before it closes.

It'll cost ya.

Well I've already given
you 50 quid for typing these.

Suit yourself.

Well, thank you very much.

Just when you need a
friend to help you out.

Oh, all right.

I'm too soft, that's my trouble.

Oh, you're a sport, Julie.

Look, I've ordered 10 pounds
of shark steaks for lunchtime.

If you could just call
to confirm the delivery.

There's the number.

Shark?

Well, it's dolphin day.

So I thought we'd do a
special seafood menu.

[Audience laughing]

It's a lobster bisque,

followed by fillet De
requin a la bordelaise.

You what?

Well, it's a little recipe I
picked up in Bordeaux.

Shark marinated in white
wine and oregano, it's delicious.

Oh, Julie, you've missed
off the circumflex accent.

Have I?

Yes, it's the little hat

that goes over
the "a" in "gateau"

and it's "a la carte",
not "a la crate".

Gotta go, or else I'll
miss my aubergines.

Don't forget the
fishmonger, okay?

This must be it.

[Phone ringing]

[Audience laughing]

Hello, marine park aquarium.

Oh, hello, it's whitbury-newtown
leisure centre here.

Look, you have
to speak up, love,

I can't hear ya.

I said it's whitbury-newtown
leisure centre.

[Marine park man] Oh, yeah.

I'd like to confirm our order.

[Marine park man] What?

What's that noise?

Penguins.

Is that the fishmongers?

[Marine park man yelping]

Flippers.

[Julie] What?

What was that about fish?

I'd like to order some shark.

[Audience laughing]

Sharks, so you've
changed your mind then?

[Julie] What?

You don't want the dolph-

[audience laughing]

[Julie] Hello, are you there?

Hello?

So you want a shark then?

Yeah, yeah, about 10 pounds.

Smallest we do is 15 stone.

Baby tiger shark.

15 stone.

I suppose he could
always freeze it.

[Audience laughing]

Shut up.

[Julie] What?

Not you, them.

They never stop.

Oh, well, just get it to
us by lunchtime, okay?

Bye.

[Audience laughing]

What's wrong with COD?

[Audience laughing]

As far as I can
make out, Rosemary,

this appears to be the cubicle
that's causing the problem.

Oh dear, it's got worse.

Still, in a strange sort of way,

there's something
quite beautiful about it.

[Audience laughing]

I think I'm going to be sick.

[Audience laughing]

Will you please be quiet.

My children are trying to sleep.

Morning, Carole.

Has it arrived yet?

Oh, welcome, Mrs. Brittas.

Has what arrived?

The dolphin, of course.

I think it's due
around lunchtime.

Lunchtime?

I was sure Gordon
said this morning.

Oh, well, I'll have to have
a sauna or something.

[Chicken clucking]

[Audience laughing]

Carole, are those chickens?

I'm afraid they
are, Mrs. Brittas.

Your chickens?

They were supposed
to have been delivered

by the back door.

Good morning, my darling.

Hello, Gordon.

We could do without the
farm yard impressions,

thank you, Carole.

[Audience laughing]

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

Anxious to be first in the
queue for a dip with Wally?

Who?

Wally the dolphin.

Oh, yes, yes.

[Chicken clucking]

Carole, are you laying an egg?

No, Mr. Brittas.

They're Tim's chickens.

Can I have a word,
please, Mr. Brittas?

I am rather busy at
the moment, Linda.

Mr. Brittas, I implore you
to call off this dolphin thing.

We've been through this, Linda.

If you still wish to complain,

there's a formal procedure.

Which is?

Put it in writing in
triplicate, copy to me,

copy to head office, and
one for yourself for reference.

But that could take weeks.

The dolphin is coming today.

Well, too bad, Linda.

Linda, twice around
the pool with Wally

and you'll feel
like a new woman.

But-

[chickens clucking]

What's this?

Poor caged things.

Apparently they're Tim's.

[Tim] Carole?

Uh, Tim, just the man.

What are these
doing in reception?

Tortilla, Mr. Brittas.

What?

Spanish omelette, my
alternative menu for today.

You see, I must have fresh eggs.

[Audience laughing]

[Helen] Such smooth, silky skin.

And eyes that just
melt your heart.

I've lost track.

Is that the barman or
the aerobics instructor?

No, Ingrid, the dolphin.

We just kept going
round and round the pool.

And then I started
getting these sensations.

What sensations?

Waves of energy going
up and down my body.

It was just amazing.

Sounds pretty dubious to me.

No, no, it was a wonderful,
spiritual experience, I think.

[Audience laughing]

Only trouble is,

I just can't seem to look at
Gordon the same way anymore.

[Audience laughing]

What do you mean?

Well, it's just that every
time we come to, you know,

I keep fantasising he's
got a beak and a dorsal fin.

[Audience laughing]

Come on, form a queue.

[Carole] Canape for anyone?

That's it, form a queue.

Right, quieten down,
please, everyone.

Quieten down,
ladies and gentlemen.

I said quiet.

Right, now, my name
is Gordon brittas,

and I'd like to welcome
you to this special day,

a day of healing and Harmony

where hopefully everyone
will get a chance to swim

with this divine creature.

You know, we swam
with the dolphins in Ireland.

Was the most wonderful
experience I ever had.

Would you go to the
back of the queue, please?

[Audience laughing]

I did say stop talking.

Come on, off you
go, back of the queue.

The dolphin will be here in
due course, ladies and gents,

all right?

Yes, Julie, but are you
sure you ordered them?

Yes, thank you, fine.

Ten pounds of new potatoes,
eight pounds of courgettes.

I couldn't get organically
grown, and no,

I'm not going out again.

Well, the shark steaks
haven't turned up

so it's sauteed trout again.

Get me two pounds of
fresh shiitake mushrooms.

Not again.

I'm supposed to be
helping brittas in reception.

Fine, I'll go myself.

Nobody's helping me, but
nevermind, it's only Tim.

[Audience laughing]

What mushrooms?

Shiitake.

No, Carole.

Please, Mr. Brittas.

Ben's been so looking forward

to swimming with
the dolphin all week.

Carole, I cannot let Ben
anywhere near the general public.

Not with his record.

But he's calmed
down now, Mr. Brittas.

Carole, I hardly call dangling
his montessori teacher

out of a second-floor
window calming down.

[Audience laughing]

Haven't missed
anything have I, Gordon?

Missed what, my sweet?

The dolphin, you fool.

No, doesn't get
here 'til twelve thirty.

Anytime now.

Is this the front of the queue?

Uh, yes it is, my darling.

If you'd like to go to the
back of the queue, please.

[Audience laughing]

I'm not going to the back
of the queue, I'm your wife.

Wife or no wife, Helen,

you've gotta wait your turn
like everyone else, please.

What is the point of being
married to the manager

if you can't even
jump a flipping queue?

I'm from the marine park.

Are you indeed?

Well, you're one minute late.

Gavin, take this man and his
Van round the back, please.

Oh, Mr. Brittas, I
was just going to-

take him round the back, please.

Yes, of course, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Right, everyone, the
good news is that Wally's

on the premises.

[Audience laughing]

I've never seen one
in the flesh before.

I'm told they're
really friendly.

Friendly?

[Audience laughing]

Well, aren't they?

That's not the first word
that Springs to mind.

They do get a lot of bad
press though, it has to be said.

I blame Steven Spielberg.

Yes.

Do you mind if
I leave you to it?

Only, I promised
our catering manager

I'd get him some shiitake.

Eh?

[Audience laughing]

Mushrooms.

[Carole] Staff announcement.

Will Linda Perkins please
lead the way to reception?

Oh, excuse me, it's just...

Make her way to
reception, thank you.

[Audience laughing]

She's supposed to have
been here half an hour ago.

I could page her
again, Mr. Brittas.

Not much point, Carole.

Where is that girl?

Give us an "s".

[All] S.

Give us an "a".

[All] A.

Give us a "d".

[All] D.

Give us an "I".

[All] I.

Give us an "s".

[All] S.

And give us a "t".

[All] T.

What does that spell?

[All] Sadist.

[Linda yelling]

[Audience laughing]

Gavin, where's Linda?

She's outside, Mr. Brittas.

Well, tell her to
come in here, please.

We're understaffed as it is.

She's leading a
demonstration, Mr. Brittas.

What?

I think you'd
better get out there

a demonstration?

[Protesters] Sadist, sadist.

I'm warning you, Linda.

This could have serious
implications for your job.

I'm sorry, Mr. Brittas,

but unless you hand
over the dolphin to us,

we'll be forced to
take further action.

Are you threatening me?

I'm afraid I am, Mr. Brittas.

All set, Mr. Brittas, we'll
pick him up this afternoon.

Right, thank you.

Murderer.

[Audience laughing]

Let's get out of here, Charlie.

[Protesters] Sadist,
sadist, sadist.

Right, I want you lot
off council property

by the time I get back
or I'm calling the police.

I'll deal with you later, Linda.

Right, everyone,
this way, please.

Mr. Brittas, what's
got in to Linda?

Nevermind Linda, Gavin.

It's important that
you and I stay focused

so that people
can enjoy the day.

Right, into the pool,
please, madam.

Into the pool,
please, young man.

There we go.

Are you sure you know
what to do, Mr. Brittas?

Yes, Gavin, they explained
everything in Norway.

It's quite simple really.

Right, if the rest
of you would like

to remain over
by this small pool.

Now, when the dolphin
comes up to you,

give him a little
pat on the nose.

They're very gentle creatures

so there's nothing
to be afraid of.

And when he takes you
around the pool, just relax.

Mr. Brittas?

Let's get going,
Gavin, shall we?

Mr. Brittas, are you
sure that's a dolphin?

[Audience laughing]

What?

Only I thought dolphins
looked sort of different.

[Audience laughing]

It looks like a...

It's a shark.

It's a shark, shark.

[All screaming]

[Mr. Brittas] Out of the pool

in a nice, orderly
fashion, please.

[All screaming]

[Audience laughing]

Nothing like the sound of
people enjoying themselves.

[Audience laughing]

Pass the bucket.

This should do the trick.

It's a mixture of battery
acid, guava leaves,

and Bulgarian cooking Brandy.

[Audience groaning]

Ah, yes, that's the one.

Now, a quick test
and I'll tell Mr. Brittas

that the toilets
are back in action.

[Water gushing]

[Audience laughing]

You stay there, Rosemary.

I'll turn the tap off
at the mains, okay?

[All complaining]

Ladies and gentlemen,

if you would like to
see my receptionist,

she will provide
you with a refund.

And some canapes, Mr. Brittas.

We could have been killed.

I do apologise about that, sir.

You can apologise
to my solicitors.

Gavin, what I want to know
is how the shark got in there

in the first place.

You saw them put it in the pool.

Yes, well actually, Mr. Brittas-

and another thing, what
am I supposed to do,

tie a knot in it?

What?

The bloody toilets
are out of order again.

Eh?

They're supposed
to have been fixed.

Gavin, you're in charge.

Talk to him.

Excuse me.

Canape?

[Audience laughing]

Come on, Gavin.

I asked you to buy the
mushrooms, not pick them.

The trout will be ruined now.

[Audience laughing]

Chicken.

Chicken tikka.

[Audience groaning]

Linda?

What are you doing?

Setting them free.

Well don't.

Hold him.

[Audience laughing]

Get off me.

Sorry about this, Tim.

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

Just in time.

[Water splashing]

[Chicken shrieking]

[Audience laughing]

Colin, I want a word-

[audience laughing]

Rosemary, what's going on here?

Where's Mr. Weatherby?

Mr. Brittas, you
better come quick.

Not now, Gavin.

I'm dealing with an emergency.

Well, there's a bit of an
emergency outside, Mr. Brittas.

They've got Tim.

Who's got Tim?

Linda and her lot.

Rosemary, you
look a dreadful sight.

I want you washed
and cleaned up.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

Hand him over, Linda.

Will someone please
get me out of here?

[Audience laughing]

I'm sorry, Tim, it wasn't
my idea to put you in there.

We'll give you Tim if you
give us the dolphin, Mr. Brittas.

I will not be
blackmailed, Linda.

Anyway, it's not a
dolphin, it's a shark.

[Audience laughing]

Makes no difference to us.

It's still a poor creature
that wants to be set free.

Help.

I'm warning you, Linda.

Either you let Tim go
or I'm calling the police.

Help, help, oh
please let me out.

[Audience laughing]

And they won't release him

'til we give them
back the shark.

Yes, constable, I did say shark.

Gordon brittas.

[Phone buzzing]

[Audience laughing]

Hello, hello?

Julie, get the police station

on the phone again
for me, please.

I'm busy.

Two quid for a
glass of fizzy water?

[Audience laughing]

I'm sorry to disturb
you, Mr. Brittas,

but have you seen Rosemary?

I am rather busy at
the moment, Colin.

And those toilets
are in a proper state.

I thought you said
they'd been fixed?

Good news on that front.

When I was
turning the water off,

I discovered that what seemed
to be a simple blockage was

in fact a problem with
the pressure differential,

caused by this.

[Audience laughing]

A lobster?

It must have escaped
from the staff canteen.

I found it nesting
in the water tank,

just above the outflow pipe.

Mr. Brittas, have you
seen Rosemary at all?

I told her to go
and wash herself.

Ah, she couldn't
do that, you see,

there's no water supply.

I turned it off.

Except in the pool, of course.

And she wouldn't
have gone in there

because all those lucky
people are swimming

with that dolphin.

[Audience laughing]

My god.

What's the matter, Mr. Brittas?

Come with me, Colin,
I'll tell you on the way.

[Audience laughing]

Hello, Wally.

Right, few times
round, nice and gently.

[Audience laughing]

Rosemary?

Helen, what are you doing?

What do you mean?

[Shark roaring]

[Helen screaming]

[Audience laughing]

Are you all right, my darling?

I don't think Rosemary's
all right, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

She's here.

Oh, Mrs. Rawlinson.

Please, take a seat.

Thanks for coming at such
short notice, Mrs. Rawlinson.

I thought it best to
talk to you in person.

It's about Rosemary.

What's the matter?

Well...

[Audience laughing]

She's disappeared.

Disappeared?

Where?

We have searched
everywhere, Mrs. Rawlinson.

There's no easy way
of saying this really.

We can't be sure.

But I'm afraid it looks as if
Rosemary may have been eaten.

[Audience laughing]

What?

By a shark.

[Audience laughing]

Is this some kind of joke?

No, I wish that it
were, Mrs. Rawlinson.

[Woman sobbing]

Are you all right?

Think you'd better come with me.

And a 10 pound refund
for you, sir, thank you.

10 pound refund for
you, madam, thank you.

10 pound refund for
you, sir, thank you.

10 pound 10.

I beg your pardon.

I lost 10p in the locker.

Oh, have a canape.

[Audience laughing]

And we will keep on
looking, Mrs. Rawlinson,

I promise you that.

[Mrs. Rawlinson wailing]

I do know how you feel.

What I suggest you do is
go home, have a cup of tea,

put your feet up,
take a magazine-

[Rosemary] Mum.

Rosemary.

[Audience laughing]

Gavin, I thought you said
you'd searched everywhere.

We did, Mr. Brittas.

I found her huddled
under the stairs.

She's been in shock,
hardly surprising.

It's not every day
you come face to face

with a flesh eating fish.

Are you all right, love?

I've given her some
tea, she's fine now.

Come on, love,
let's get you home.

Mrs. Rawlinson.

[Audience laughing]

Mrs. Rawlinson.

Canape?

[Linda] There we go.

[Tim] Linda?

Linda, please let
me out of here.

These feathers are killing me.

[Tim sneezing]

I can only apologise,
Mrs. Rawlinson.

You haven't heard the
last of this, Mr. Brittas,

I promise you.

[Protesters cheering]

[Linda] End all captivity.

[Protesters cheering]

I'm warning you, Linda.

This is your last
chance to release Tim.

Okay, Mr. Brittas.

Right, that's...

What?

And I'd also like to
apologise on behalf of all of us

for any inconvenience
we've caused you.

I don't know what came over me.

Well, I'm glad you've
come to your senses, Linda.

You and I need to
have a serious chat.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

I'm really sorry, Tim.

[Tim moaning]

It was for a really good cause.

Had a good day
then, Mr. Brittas?

I've got a bone
to pick with you.

[Audience laughing]

I can assure you none of my
staff would have even dreamt

of changing the order
without my consent.

I shall expect a
full refund for this.

And if I don't get
one, I shall be taking...

Eh?

Where's it gone?

[Audience laughing]

What was that about a refund?

18,000 pounds?

Yes, well, apparently
that's the cost

of a baby tiger
shark, Mr. Brittas.

[Audience laughing]

There's also a letter from
Huntley, Huntley and Huntley.

Who?

Um, solicitors, Mr. Brittas,

acting on behalf
of a Mr. Castleford

who came on dolphin
day and is suing us

for attempted manslaughter.

[Audience laughing]

But there is some
good news, Mr. Brittas.

Oh yes, what's that?

Well, Rosemary's mother
has dropped the charges,

Mr. Brittas.

Apparently after her
encounter with the shark,

she's stopped lisping.

Saved hundreds of
pounds in speech therapy.

[Door knocking]

Come in.

You asked to see
me, Mr. Brittas.

Hello, Gavin, how's Tim?

Oh, pretty bad, thanks.

But nothing 10 weeks
in traction can't cure.

[Audience laughing]

Sit down, please, Linda.

Now, I have
considered your case.

And I must admit I
admire you for sticking

by your principles.

Do you?

Having said that,

you are guilty of a
breach of discipline,

let alone causing great
physical and mental distress

to one of your colleagues.

Yes, Mr. Brittas.

I think the fairest
thing to do is

to give you an official caution.

Thank you, Mr. Brittas.

However, I'm also gonna ban
you from my evening lectures

for a period of one month.

[Audience laughing]

However, Linda, one
thing does puzzle me.

What's that, Mr. Brittas?

Whatever happened to that shark.

I suppose we'll never know.

[Audience laughing]

[Audience applauding]

[Light military band music]