The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 5, Episode 5 - The Boss - full transcript
Gordon tells everyone that he and Laura are leaving Gavin in charge for a day as practice, but only Laura knows that Gordon wants to see if the team can 'do without him' - he should start in Brussels in six weeks. As if Gavin's boy-friend Tim's bitter attitude doesn't make it hard enough, Gordon compounds disaster scenarios, oblivious that this actually causes quite serious real problems, which Gavin gets blamed for by everyone else. Meanwhile Carole hesitates whether to become the 'kept woman' of rich old gentleman Gerald, but the matter is dramatically decided for them. Helen is desperate to get rid of most ill-considered tattoo.
He's done his management
course, his customer-care exam,
got a distinction in the history of
sport and leisure and here he is,
on a two-week trial,
our new trainee-acting-assistant
deputy-manager, Gavin featherly!
Applause and I think we
can all take heart from this.
If a person like Gavin can
make it, anyone can... Eh, Gavin?
Thanks, mr brittas.
I hope we'll all
support him. Yes, Tim?
Will he get a rise? What? For being manager.
Money's not important. Self respect...
Yes, but will he? Gavin won't get pecuniary
reimbursement as such... I knew it!
He will get something far more
valuable, particularly today...
Sorry I'm late. Sit down, Colin.
I had an unfortunate accident
with my sewing machine.
Colin... I was attempting to replace
a fly-button with my singer marvel,
when, by an error of judgment, I
stitched up more than I intended to.
Oh, Colin!
The situation was aggravated when
the paramedic had a touch of angina
and, unfortunately,
sat on the treddle.
I was wondering if I could be
excused bicycle-safety class today.
Just sit down, Colin.
I'll stand.
We have an extremely busy
day ahead, as Laura will explain.
Mr brittas thought it would be good if
Gavin could put his training into practice.
So, today, we will be
leaving Gavin in charge.
No use coming to us. We're
just ordinary team members.
As of when?
Now!
Room for a little one, is there?
How long's this
going on, mr brittas?
No, no, no, Julie, not "mr brittas"! I'm
just Gordon - big gordie - one of the boys.
All yours, Gavin!
Sorry! Mr featherly. Hm!
Thank you, mr brittas. I'll start...
May I remind you how important
it is to take this exercise seriously?
I want you to treat Gavin exactly
the same way you treat me.
Yes, thank you, mr
brittas. If I could start...
Hang on! Sorry?
That's my clipboard!
You don't write on that - you use the rough
paper on the table. Sorry, mr brittas.
Mr featherly?
You didn't tell them! Sorry? About
leaving for Brussels in six weeks.
Ah... why not?
Laura, I'm not made of stone.
I saw those trusting faces
and I could hear them say,
"leave? But why? How
can you do this to us?"
I couldn't, Laura. It'd be
like clubbing baby seals.
You must tell them. They're my
team. I've got their trust and respect.
You are still going?
Yes... Probably.
Probably?
I thought I'd see how
they managed today -
see how those little seals cope
on the ice floes without me there.
And, if they can cope on the
ice floes, you'll tell them then?
At the debrief. 6.00
I promise. Knocking
come in!
Mr brittas, I... Who? I
don't see any mr brittas!
Do you, Laura?
Um... gordon...
Yes, boss! What
can I do you for?!
They should be ok. I've made their
supper - to be microwaved. No sweets.
Right. I've left
numbers for the doctor,
and for a carpenter, in case
Jessica's drawer gets jammed again.
I'll be ok - you
have a good time.
You look nice, Carol. A
lunch-date with Gerald!
Who's Gerald?
A gentleman I met
in the changing area...
..While teaching "it's ok to
see mummy naked." Right!
He always had a towel
or hairdrier-money.
Enjoy it... Mr
brittas does know?
Tell him. Yes.
Where to now, mon
capitaine? The gym?
Or the pool area?
Gym's closer. But
not next on the list.
No, but we can... We can
check the pool area. Right!
You're the boss. Mr brittas, may
I ask permission? Ask him, Carol.
Gavin, can I... Mr
featherly to you!
Mr featherly... Could I
stop work at 12.30 today?
Julie'll cover. I've
nothing to do. No problem.
Ok, fine.
Give us a shout
when you go. Right.
Um... you want to check
she's done her spreadsheet
for customer
returns, first. What?
I think Carol's due to transfer her
entries from the activities daybook
onto computer for
analysis by today!
Oh... well, when
you've done them, ok?
Mr brittas?! Not my
fault! He's the boss!
Gordon whistles ah, now!
We have a problem here, eh?
Have we?
As the manager - which I'm
not - I could never pass this by.
No? To me, it looks
unsightly and unsafe.
Ahh!
If it was me,
I'd want it tidied.
Oh, right!
Carol. Oh, hello, mrs brittas.
What if I gave
you £5,000? Sorry?
Yes, you heard me - £5,000.
Yours to spend as you like - a
super new car, that holiday in the sun,
perhaps... a valuable
home extension.
I have no home.
"Is there a catch?" You ask. No!
Just send £20 to each of these names.
That's a lot of
money! Please, Carol!
I'll get my purse.
That's the trouble! This
cupboard's for internal lost property.
I know for a fact
this is from outside - I was getting
in my car when it landed beside me.
How can it be claimed
if it's in the wrong place?
I'll get labels. Gavin,
Gavin, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin!
You're in charge.
Tim!
A good manager delegates,
Gavin. Yes... Gordon?
Can you do this? It's my break.
Do it, please. Come
on, chief - the pool!
Hello, Helen. Laura!
What if I were to
give you £5,000?
Lovely! ..You knit, don't you?
Yes, you heard
me, Laura - £5,000!
Yours to spend as you
like - a super new car...
Helen... That holiday in the sun,
perhaps a valuable home extension.
Helen - this is me. What's
up? I need £5,000. Yes?
And if I can just get enough people
to send £20, in ten days' time...
Oh, Helen. What's
wrong? This won't work!
The man said I can't lose. Without it, I
can't have the operation. What operation?
I'd wait three years on the
nhs. That's too late. What's up?
If it's not done before
we go to Europe, I'll die!
Shouldn't it be Pearl, that row?
I should just go out and buy some.
So, what's this? ..I met this man.
Insistent alarm bell
where is it?!
Sorry?
The fire!
Oh... that!
Upstairs corridor -
area green seven.
Mr brittas!
Crisis in the sun lounge! Not me...
Oh, yes. Crisis in the sun lounge!
You deal with
it! There's a fire!
Gavin! First rule of management:
Build your database to manage well.
But the fire! Hear Colin
out - then you can prioritise.
..Ok. Bad news, mr featherly.
A girl's trapped in a sunbed.
We can't get her out or turn it off.
In minutes, she'll be
badly skin-damaged.
So! There we have
it! Two crisises!
A fire and a potential
overdose of radiation.
What'll you deal
with first, gav?
The fire? Yes? ..And? And? And,
delegate the other to someone else.
Oh, right, if you...
good thinking!
Colin, let's show
what we're made of.
Carol? Gerald! Oh!
You shouldn't have! All set?
Yes. Well, actually, no. I have
work to finish. Could you bear to wait?
I'll always wait for you,
Carol! I'll bring coffee.
I brought a small present for
Ben. You mentioned he liked cars.
Gerald! It's wonderful!
Thank you. He has a playroom?
Yes! ..Sort of.
Ben! Look what uncle
Gerald's bought you.
..It will... well, you'll have to
squash up to the back wall.
Gavin: You won't believe
what's been going on!
Nor understand it, I'll bet.
Someone lit a waste-paper basket!
Colin's trapped someone on a sunbed and we've suspected
smallpox in the pool. A manager's responsibilities!
Ah, yes, I need your card back.
What? Management don't
belong in the workers' union. Tim!
Have you seen the tanker? What?
Milk tanker. Outside
gym. No sign of a driver.
This could be serious! What?
Fire hazard! It's a milk-tanker! It's across our
exit. A fire here might mean evacuating the gym.
Impossible!
What about the wi craft fair? There's
150 people in there. A dreadful death toll!
Your decision? Unblock the door?
Shift a 30-ton tanker with the brakes on?!
Right... we'll have
to get them out.
Clear this first. What?
This is our main access.
Get Tim to repack the
cupboard. I'll tell everyone.
I've spent an hour sorting
it! Sorry! Why today?
Why should today
be any different?
Where are we lunching? Normandy.
Oh! A little fish restaurant
I know in honfleur.
Well, I have to be back by seven for mr brittas's lecture
about how women can stop men controlling their lives.
No problem.
Really? My helicopter's on the
playing field. The champagne's chilling.
Why are you being so nice to me?
I could be nicer if
you'd let me. How?
I have a little property in old whitbury
that's just come free. It could be yours...
..If you want it. A
house? For me?
But why?
Sit down, Carol. I have
a proposal to make.
A skin graft? Yes,
they take a bit...
I know... I just wondered why.
I've got this little blemish.
Blemish? ..It's a tattoo.
I didn't know you had one.
It's recent.
Gordon will kill me.
Why? "Why"?
A lot of women have tattoos, it's
fashionable. What did you have?
Show me.
It's not just the words, it's the
picture. Yes... It's um... Explicit.
It's awful! I can't bath. To take the
kids swimming I wear cycling shorts!
Gordon asks why
I'm in long nighties.
What possessed you to choose
that picture and "I'm a goer"?
I don't remember, I
don't remember anything.
All I remember is someone in the Belgian for
beginners class had a crate of bols and then... This!
You're right. What?
You need a skin-graft.
So you'll help?
First we talk to the tattooist.
I told you, I don't
known who he was.
Whitbury can't have many.
Will he remember me?
Trust me, Helen,
he'll remember you!
Yes... i know they don't want to
leave. Make them. Yes, by force...
..If necessary! Can
they take their jam?
Jam? From the fair. 450lbs of
competition jam they want to keep.
Marshalling area set up, chief!
What's next? Well, I suppose...
Mr brittas! Wait, mr featherly's in a
crisis. Yes, sir, but the girl's in pain.
What girl? The
one on the sunbed.
But, I thought you... 150
people burning to death
is rather more urgent than one
over-tanned gal. But, mr brittas...
Mr featherly would like you to deal
with it. He's busy. But... Do it, Colin.
What's next, chief?
Next? Tea, perhaps?
Lovely! He means
the craft fair people.
A little tea station might help
to ease the disappointment.
-I suppose so.
-The wi could make it!
..Sorry!
-There's a tanker, mr featherly.
-Yes, we know.
Another one, of ethanoyl chloride!
It lost control on the bypass,
slid down the bank at the back and
crashed straight into the milk lorry!
Goodness me!
It's all spilt!
Better call an ambulance, Julie!
Chief! I've just had a thought!
Don't ethanoyl chloride and milk,
mixed, make hydrochloric acid? Yes!
Really? I believe
that produces lethal fumes that
will poison anyone in their path!
And the police, Julie!
I can't get through!
What? The phone's not working.
Move fast, Gavin! A minibus full of
schoolkids is due here any second!
What'll we do, mr brittas?
You're the boss, gav.
Right! Everyone follow me!
Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne...
this way!
Catch us up, mr featherly
needs your support!
I'll give him support!
Clunk
no, I couldn't, it
wouldn't be right.
Aaah... As you know.
It just seemed a
suitable arrangement.
I'd like nothing
better than a house.
And I'd pop by.
But what could I
give you in return?
Well... Nothing, you
see! Oh, I'm so useless!
Carol, I don't mind you
being indebted to me. Really?
Think it over while
you're finishing your work.
Yes, I'll do that.
Would you like a
whirl before lunch?
Sorry?
Oh! ..Thank you!
It's worse than I thought!
Where? That school minibus...
..Is right in the middle
of the acid spillage!
You mean the sandbags?
They've been overpowered by
fumes. Save them, or they'll die!
15 minutes, I make
it. What'll we do, boss?
Mr brittas... I've just
cancelled the wi craft exhibition!
A wise move! I'd have done
the same myself. No, really!
Mrs heaton-Jones has been planning
it for months and, quite frankly...
If I got killed... Please(!)
..I'd want to know that my team
could cope with any emergency.
Yes, mr brittas, but... and you want to be
part of that team? Yes... 14 minutes, Gavin.
Well, if you'd help
me with these sacks.
I don't think you can
walk there. It's the acid!
Anything inside the orange line!
Oh... um...
But that might be
useful, mr featherly!
Oh, no!
Concrete blocks, planks, polythene
sheets, rope - that might help!
Good... er... The planks,
the ropes and the polythene will make a bosun's chair.
You can swing me over and I'll pass the children out.
Let's do that.
First, we need to
move these... Oh dear!
I think the wind's shifting!
What?
It's blowing the fumes this way.
How can we reach the planking now?
Ah... um...
He crows in triumph
just going into town, ok, Carol?
Yes, Laura. What about your lunch?
I must do these
figures. I'll do them later.
-Really?
-Tim'll cover. Where is he?
He's doing the cupboard.
Could you do reception, Tim?
It's my job to do
other people's work(!)
He says it's fine!
Enjoy lunch. Thanks.
Oh, Tim... Tim...
If an elderly gentleman offered you a
house, would it be wrong to say yes?
Is he nice? Would that
make it more moral?
-Moral?! I want his address!
-It's ok, then?
Take it. No friend
would do that.
Thanks, Tim.
Right, Gerald,
where's your coat?
Ah-ha! I thought so!
I saw it was loose
when you came in.
What I like about you, Gerald, is
your Serenity, a stillness, you know?
You want to know my decision
but you sit quietly... Waiting.
I've decided... To accept your offer, but only if I
can do something in return. No - don't say anything!
Just... hear me out, please.
I thought what you'd probably like is
someone to sew on a few buttons, wash, iron,
like a wife, in many ways,
though, obviously, not all!
What do you think?
I'm so glad! Shall we
have a choccy to celebrate?
Don't feel so bad, boss. Four
survivors is not a bad average.
The lift's jammed - with a
woman about to give birth.
Goodness, chief!
It's all happening!
Yes. And I can't get
through to an engineer.
Wow! What are
we going to do now?
Mr brittas...
What if one of us climbed down
the shaft and delivered the baby?
Good thinking! I'll get the
ropes. I'll get the midwifery pack.
All right with you,
chief? Fine... Agh!
Shouldn't you help?
What? The pregnant woman!
What woman?
There is no woman! Like there was
no tanker, no minibus - just brittas!
He's dead! Oh!
One minute he was there.
The next... He's dead!
-All right, Carol...
-Why me?
-We've got the message, thank you!
-What?
I'm talking!
Did you hear me?
Leave it, Carol!
He's dead!
So we've got a dead body!
Stuff him in a bag for the bin men!
Oh!
Looks more serious
than we thought, boss!
The lady in the
lift. It's triplets!
Mr brittas. Not now, Colin.
The girl in the sunbed is badly burnt. We done that,
Colin. What? That was this morning. But the girl!
Colin, there's no
girl, no sunbed...
Good grief! What happened? It's
the one I trapped in the sunbed for you.
Colin, I didn't...
I told you to tell me
someone was trapped.
Ah... well in that case, there's
been a bit of a misunderstanding.
Look at her skin! By heck,
she's gone a helluva colour!
Heartless swine!
What? How dare you say
to put Gerald in a bin bag?
What's all this?
Gerald died. Who?
He said put him
in the bin. Did you?
I didn't know he was real!
He was going to take me to normandy
for lunch. It's your fault - your fault!
Gavin, the recently
bereaved can be sensitive...
Where's the manager? Who was it
cancelled my exhibition? Who's in charge?
He is.
You?
Come on, Tim...
Colin - lend a hand.
All right, everyone!
Shrill whistle
I think I'd better take
over now... Eh, Gavin?
Brilliant! Turning it into a
butterfly! He did a good job.
Brilliant! The legs
becoming feelers!
Where is everybody? Ah! Gavin!
What do you think? I... Um...
Mrs brittas... Go on, read it!
Well... it says, "I'm", and then
there's a little heart, "Gordon".
Bingo! Where is everyone?
Having a strike meeting.
Tim kept me out -
said I might be a spy.
Gordon upstairs?
Yes. A meeting?!
But mr brittas is about to make his
announcement!! Can you distract him?
How long do you want, Laura?
Ok. As union rep, I'll... Push a note
under his door to say we're striking.
It's all on then?
Sorry, we feel
he's gone too far.
He wants us in early for disaster
training! So you'll miss the debrief.
We're decided. Sure! I just thought you might
want to hear him announce he's going. All: What?!
He was going to say
earlier, but wanted to test you.
He's really going?
Well, he was...
Trouble is, something like this may make him
think he should stay. No, we have to make a stand.
Whatever you think... It's just...
No, no - do as you think best.
So, there we have it. I shall be
European commissioner for leisure.
And shall be leaving at
the end of next month.
Now, I realise this
comes as a major blow.
And don't worry. I wouldn't leave if I didn't think
you were an a1 team. You can manage without me.
Sorry I'm late...
sit down, Colin.
The consultant surgeon wanted
photos for the lancet! Colin...
He'd never seen a perfect
buttonhole sewn through a...
Colin! This is my
debriefing session.
My apologies.
Where was I... that
we could manage.
Yes! Today proved that, though there
are some things we need to go over again.
Would anyone mind coming
in early? Unpaid overtime?
Mr brittas needs to know we are
a first class team before he leaves.
So... who's going
to be here, then?
E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e...
..E-e-e-xcellent!
Well done all. Back
to work, please!
Well, they took it rather
well. Yes, they did.
The trick with leadership is to carry
people along. You can't force them.
You've got to - I know it may sound
rather odd - make them love you.
You have to! Mr
brittas said! No.
I have to cook supper. You're
making my life very difficult!
-I know!
-Well, thank you(!)
Problems, Gavin? Tim
won't tidy the cupboard.
That's serious (?)
Mr brittas thinks it is. Oh, Laura!
Whatever I do, I upset one of them!
Let's think...
There's nothing I can do. I'm doomed. You
know what I do in cases like this? What?
Where's Carol? She's
gone out, mr brittas.
Out? She was rather upset
about her boyfriend dying.
A-a-a-a-ah... ye-e-e-e-e-e-s.
It's just she was supposed to be putting those
figures onto disc... There we are. She's so reliable!
Well done, Carol! That's
my evening taken care of.
Tim did the lost
property, did he?
..Yes... yes, he did! Didn't give
you trouble, I hope. No, no, he didn't.
As a matter of fact, he did a very
good job. I'll just check it. Good!
Good!
I think he'll get
the hang of it.
What? Gavin.
Leadership's not easy
to teach, but he's learning.
I think so.
course, his customer-care exam,
got a distinction in the history of
sport and leisure and here he is,
on a two-week trial,
our new trainee-acting-assistant
deputy-manager, Gavin featherly!
Applause and I think we
can all take heart from this.
If a person like Gavin can
make it, anyone can... Eh, Gavin?
Thanks, mr brittas.
I hope we'll all
support him. Yes, Tim?
Will he get a rise? What? For being manager.
Money's not important. Self respect...
Yes, but will he? Gavin won't get pecuniary
reimbursement as such... I knew it!
He will get something far more
valuable, particularly today...
Sorry I'm late. Sit down, Colin.
I had an unfortunate accident
with my sewing machine.
Colin... I was attempting to replace
a fly-button with my singer marvel,
when, by an error of judgment, I
stitched up more than I intended to.
Oh, Colin!
The situation was aggravated when
the paramedic had a touch of angina
and, unfortunately,
sat on the treddle.
I was wondering if I could be
excused bicycle-safety class today.
Just sit down, Colin.
I'll stand.
We have an extremely busy
day ahead, as Laura will explain.
Mr brittas thought it would be good if
Gavin could put his training into practice.
So, today, we will be
leaving Gavin in charge.
No use coming to us. We're
just ordinary team members.
As of when?
Now!
Room for a little one, is there?
How long's this
going on, mr brittas?
No, no, no, Julie, not "mr brittas"! I'm
just Gordon - big gordie - one of the boys.
All yours, Gavin!
Sorry! Mr featherly. Hm!
Thank you, mr brittas. I'll start...
May I remind you how important
it is to take this exercise seriously?
I want you to treat Gavin exactly
the same way you treat me.
Yes, thank you, mr
brittas. If I could start...
Hang on! Sorry?
That's my clipboard!
You don't write on that - you use the rough
paper on the table. Sorry, mr brittas.
Mr featherly?
You didn't tell them! Sorry? About
leaving for Brussels in six weeks.
Ah... why not?
Laura, I'm not made of stone.
I saw those trusting faces
and I could hear them say,
"leave? But why? How
can you do this to us?"
I couldn't, Laura. It'd be
like clubbing baby seals.
You must tell them. They're my
team. I've got their trust and respect.
You are still going?
Yes... Probably.
Probably?
I thought I'd see how
they managed today -
see how those little seals cope
on the ice floes without me there.
And, if they can cope on the
ice floes, you'll tell them then?
At the debrief. 6.00
I promise. Knocking
come in!
Mr brittas, I... Who? I
don't see any mr brittas!
Do you, Laura?
Um... gordon...
Yes, boss! What
can I do you for?!
They should be ok. I've made their
supper - to be microwaved. No sweets.
Right. I've left
numbers for the doctor,
and for a carpenter, in case
Jessica's drawer gets jammed again.
I'll be ok - you
have a good time.
You look nice, Carol. A
lunch-date with Gerald!
Who's Gerald?
A gentleman I met
in the changing area...
..While teaching "it's ok to
see mummy naked." Right!
He always had a towel
or hairdrier-money.
Enjoy it... Mr
brittas does know?
Tell him. Yes.
Where to now, mon
capitaine? The gym?
Or the pool area?
Gym's closer. But
not next on the list.
No, but we can... We can
check the pool area. Right!
You're the boss. Mr brittas, may
I ask permission? Ask him, Carol.
Gavin, can I... Mr
featherly to you!
Mr featherly... Could I
stop work at 12.30 today?
Julie'll cover. I've
nothing to do. No problem.
Ok, fine.
Give us a shout
when you go. Right.
Um... you want to check
she's done her spreadsheet
for customer
returns, first. What?
I think Carol's due to transfer her
entries from the activities daybook
onto computer for
analysis by today!
Oh... well, when
you've done them, ok?
Mr brittas?! Not my
fault! He's the boss!
Gordon whistles ah, now!
We have a problem here, eh?
Have we?
As the manager - which I'm
not - I could never pass this by.
No? To me, it looks
unsightly and unsafe.
Ahh!
If it was me,
I'd want it tidied.
Oh, right!
Carol. Oh, hello, mrs brittas.
What if I gave
you £5,000? Sorry?
Yes, you heard me - £5,000.
Yours to spend as you like - a
super new car, that holiday in the sun,
perhaps... a valuable
home extension.
I have no home.
"Is there a catch?" You ask. No!
Just send £20 to each of these names.
That's a lot of
money! Please, Carol!
I'll get my purse.
That's the trouble! This
cupboard's for internal lost property.
I know for a fact
this is from outside - I was getting
in my car when it landed beside me.
How can it be claimed
if it's in the wrong place?
I'll get labels. Gavin,
Gavin, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin!
You're in charge.
Tim!
A good manager delegates,
Gavin. Yes... Gordon?
Can you do this? It's my break.
Do it, please. Come
on, chief - the pool!
Hello, Helen. Laura!
What if I were to
give you £5,000?
Lovely! ..You knit, don't you?
Yes, you heard
me, Laura - £5,000!
Yours to spend as you
like - a super new car...
Helen... That holiday in the sun,
perhaps a valuable home extension.
Helen - this is me. What's
up? I need £5,000. Yes?
And if I can just get enough people
to send £20, in ten days' time...
Oh, Helen. What's
wrong? This won't work!
The man said I can't lose. Without it, I
can't have the operation. What operation?
I'd wait three years on the
nhs. That's too late. What's up?
If it's not done before
we go to Europe, I'll die!
Shouldn't it be Pearl, that row?
I should just go out and buy some.
So, what's this? ..I met this man.
Insistent alarm bell
where is it?!
Sorry?
The fire!
Oh... that!
Upstairs corridor -
area green seven.
Mr brittas!
Crisis in the sun lounge! Not me...
Oh, yes. Crisis in the sun lounge!
You deal with
it! There's a fire!
Gavin! First rule of management:
Build your database to manage well.
But the fire! Hear Colin
out - then you can prioritise.
..Ok. Bad news, mr featherly.
A girl's trapped in a sunbed.
We can't get her out or turn it off.
In minutes, she'll be
badly skin-damaged.
So! There we have
it! Two crisises!
A fire and a potential
overdose of radiation.
What'll you deal
with first, gav?
The fire? Yes? ..And? And? And,
delegate the other to someone else.
Oh, right, if you...
good thinking!
Colin, let's show
what we're made of.
Carol? Gerald! Oh!
You shouldn't have! All set?
Yes. Well, actually, no. I have
work to finish. Could you bear to wait?
I'll always wait for you,
Carol! I'll bring coffee.
I brought a small present for
Ben. You mentioned he liked cars.
Gerald! It's wonderful!
Thank you. He has a playroom?
Yes! ..Sort of.
Ben! Look what uncle
Gerald's bought you.
..It will... well, you'll have to
squash up to the back wall.
Gavin: You won't believe
what's been going on!
Nor understand it, I'll bet.
Someone lit a waste-paper basket!
Colin's trapped someone on a sunbed and we've suspected
smallpox in the pool. A manager's responsibilities!
Ah, yes, I need your card back.
What? Management don't
belong in the workers' union. Tim!
Have you seen the tanker? What?
Milk tanker. Outside
gym. No sign of a driver.
This could be serious! What?
Fire hazard! It's a milk-tanker! It's across our
exit. A fire here might mean evacuating the gym.
Impossible!
What about the wi craft fair? There's
150 people in there. A dreadful death toll!
Your decision? Unblock the door?
Shift a 30-ton tanker with the brakes on?!
Right... we'll have
to get them out.
Clear this first. What?
This is our main access.
Get Tim to repack the
cupboard. I'll tell everyone.
I've spent an hour sorting
it! Sorry! Why today?
Why should today
be any different?
Where are we lunching? Normandy.
Oh! A little fish restaurant
I know in honfleur.
Well, I have to be back by seven for mr brittas's lecture
about how women can stop men controlling their lives.
No problem.
Really? My helicopter's on the
playing field. The champagne's chilling.
Why are you being so nice to me?
I could be nicer if
you'd let me. How?
I have a little property in old whitbury
that's just come free. It could be yours...
..If you want it. A
house? For me?
But why?
Sit down, Carol. I have
a proposal to make.
A skin graft? Yes,
they take a bit...
I know... I just wondered why.
I've got this little blemish.
Blemish? ..It's a tattoo.
I didn't know you had one.
It's recent.
Gordon will kill me.
Why? "Why"?
A lot of women have tattoos, it's
fashionable. What did you have?
Show me.
It's not just the words, it's the
picture. Yes... It's um... Explicit.
It's awful! I can't bath. To take the
kids swimming I wear cycling shorts!
Gordon asks why
I'm in long nighties.
What possessed you to choose
that picture and "I'm a goer"?
I don't remember, I
don't remember anything.
All I remember is someone in the Belgian for
beginners class had a crate of bols and then... This!
You're right. What?
You need a skin-graft.
So you'll help?
First we talk to the tattooist.
I told you, I don't
known who he was.
Whitbury can't have many.
Will he remember me?
Trust me, Helen,
he'll remember you!
Yes... i know they don't want to
leave. Make them. Yes, by force...
..If necessary! Can
they take their jam?
Jam? From the fair. 450lbs of
competition jam they want to keep.
Marshalling area set up, chief!
What's next? Well, I suppose...
Mr brittas! Wait, mr featherly's in a
crisis. Yes, sir, but the girl's in pain.
What girl? The
one on the sunbed.
But, I thought you... 150
people burning to death
is rather more urgent than one
over-tanned gal. But, mr brittas...
Mr featherly would like you to deal
with it. He's busy. But... Do it, Colin.
What's next, chief?
Next? Tea, perhaps?
Lovely! He means
the craft fair people.
A little tea station might help
to ease the disappointment.
-I suppose so.
-The wi could make it!
..Sorry!
-There's a tanker, mr featherly.
-Yes, we know.
Another one, of ethanoyl chloride!
It lost control on the bypass,
slid down the bank at the back and
crashed straight into the milk lorry!
Goodness me!
It's all spilt!
Better call an ambulance, Julie!
Chief! I've just had a thought!
Don't ethanoyl chloride and milk,
mixed, make hydrochloric acid? Yes!
Really? I believe
that produces lethal fumes that
will poison anyone in their path!
And the police, Julie!
I can't get through!
What? The phone's not working.
Move fast, Gavin! A minibus full of
schoolkids is due here any second!
What'll we do, mr brittas?
You're the boss, gav.
Right! Everyone follow me!
Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne...
this way!
Catch us up, mr featherly
needs your support!
I'll give him support!
Clunk
no, I couldn't, it
wouldn't be right.
Aaah... As you know.
It just seemed a
suitable arrangement.
I'd like nothing
better than a house.
And I'd pop by.
But what could I
give you in return?
Well... Nothing, you
see! Oh, I'm so useless!
Carol, I don't mind you
being indebted to me. Really?
Think it over while
you're finishing your work.
Yes, I'll do that.
Would you like a
whirl before lunch?
Sorry?
Oh! ..Thank you!
It's worse than I thought!
Where? That school minibus...
..Is right in the middle
of the acid spillage!
You mean the sandbags?
They've been overpowered by
fumes. Save them, or they'll die!
15 minutes, I make
it. What'll we do, boss?
Mr brittas... I've just
cancelled the wi craft exhibition!
A wise move! I'd have done
the same myself. No, really!
Mrs heaton-Jones has been planning
it for months and, quite frankly...
If I got killed... Please(!)
..I'd want to know that my team
could cope with any emergency.
Yes, mr brittas, but... and you want to be
part of that team? Yes... 14 minutes, Gavin.
Well, if you'd help
me with these sacks.
I don't think you can
walk there. It's the acid!
Anything inside the orange line!
Oh... um...
But that might be
useful, mr featherly!
Oh, no!
Concrete blocks, planks, polythene
sheets, rope - that might help!
Good... er... The planks,
the ropes and the polythene will make a bosun's chair.
You can swing me over and I'll pass the children out.
Let's do that.
First, we need to
move these... Oh dear!
I think the wind's shifting!
What?
It's blowing the fumes this way.
How can we reach the planking now?
Ah... um...
He crows in triumph
just going into town, ok, Carol?
Yes, Laura. What about your lunch?
I must do these
figures. I'll do them later.
-Really?
-Tim'll cover. Where is he?
He's doing the cupboard.
Could you do reception, Tim?
It's my job to do
other people's work(!)
He says it's fine!
Enjoy lunch. Thanks.
Oh, Tim... Tim...
If an elderly gentleman offered you a
house, would it be wrong to say yes?
Is he nice? Would that
make it more moral?
-Moral?! I want his address!
-It's ok, then?
Take it. No friend
would do that.
Thanks, Tim.
Right, Gerald,
where's your coat?
Ah-ha! I thought so!
I saw it was loose
when you came in.
What I like about you, Gerald, is
your Serenity, a stillness, you know?
You want to know my decision
but you sit quietly... Waiting.
I've decided... To accept your offer, but only if I
can do something in return. No - don't say anything!
Just... hear me out, please.
I thought what you'd probably like is
someone to sew on a few buttons, wash, iron,
like a wife, in many ways,
though, obviously, not all!
What do you think?
I'm so glad! Shall we
have a choccy to celebrate?
Don't feel so bad, boss. Four
survivors is not a bad average.
The lift's jammed - with a
woman about to give birth.
Goodness, chief!
It's all happening!
Yes. And I can't get
through to an engineer.
Wow! What are
we going to do now?
Mr brittas...
What if one of us climbed down
the shaft and delivered the baby?
Good thinking! I'll get the
ropes. I'll get the midwifery pack.
All right with you,
chief? Fine... Agh!
Shouldn't you help?
What? The pregnant woman!
What woman?
There is no woman! Like there was
no tanker, no minibus - just brittas!
He's dead! Oh!
One minute he was there.
The next... He's dead!
-All right, Carol...
-Why me?
-We've got the message, thank you!
-What?
I'm talking!
Did you hear me?
Leave it, Carol!
He's dead!
So we've got a dead body!
Stuff him in a bag for the bin men!
Oh!
Looks more serious
than we thought, boss!
The lady in the
lift. It's triplets!
Mr brittas. Not now, Colin.
The girl in the sunbed is badly burnt. We done that,
Colin. What? That was this morning. But the girl!
Colin, there's no
girl, no sunbed...
Good grief! What happened? It's
the one I trapped in the sunbed for you.
Colin, I didn't...
I told you to tell me
someone was trapped.
Ah... well in that case, there's
been a bit of a misunderstanding.
Look at her skin! By heck,
she's gone a helluva colour!
Heartless swine!
What? How dare you say
to put Gerald in a bin bag?
What's all this?
Gerald died. Who?
He said put him
in the bin. Did you?
I didn't know he was real!
He was going to take me to normandy
for lunch. It's your fault - your fault!
Gavin, the recently
bereaved can be sensitive...
Where's the manager? Who was it
cancelled my exhibition? Who's in charge?
He is.
You?
Come on, Tim...
Colin - lend a hand.
All right, everyone!
Shrill whistle
I think I'd better take
over now... Eh, Gavin?
Brilliant! Turning it into a
butterfly! He did a good job.
Brilliant! The legs
becoming feelers!
Where is everybody? Ah! Gavin!
What do you think? I... Um...
Mrs brittas... Go on, read it!
Well... it says, "I'm", and then
there's a little heart, "Gordon".
Bingo! Where is everyone?
Having a strike meeting.
Tim kept me out -
said I might be a spy.
Gordon upstairs?
Yes. A meeting?!
But mr brittas is about to make his
announcement!! Can you distract him?
How long do you want, Laura?
Ok. As union rep, I'll... Push a note
under his door to say we're striking.
It's all on then?
Sorry, we feel
he's gone too far.
He wants us in early for disaster
training! So you'll miss the debrief.
We're decided. Sure! I just thought you might
want to hear him announce he's going. All: What?!
He was going to say
earlier, but wanted to test you.
He's really going?
Well, he was...
Trouble is, something like this may make him
think he should stay. No, we have to make a stand.
Whatever you think... It's just...
No, no - do as you think best.
So, there we have it. I shall be
European commissioner for leisure.
And shall be leaving at
the end of next month.
Now, I realise this
comes as a major blow.
And don't worry. I wouldn't leave if I didn't think
you were an a1 team. You can manage without me.
Sorry I'm late...
sit down, Colin.
The consultant surgeon wanted
photos for the lancet! Colin...
He'd never seen a perfect
buttonhole sewn through a...
Colin! This is my
debriefing session.
My apologies.
Where was I... that
we could manage.
Yes! Today proved that, though there
are some things we need to go over again.
Would anyone mind coming
in early? Unpaid overtime?
Mr brittas needs to know we are
a first class team before he leaves.
So... who's going
to be here, then?
E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e...
..E-e-e-xcellent!
Well done all. Back
to work, please!
Well, they took it rather
well. Yes, they did.
The trick with leadership is to carry
people along. You can't force them.
You've got to - I know it may sound
rather odd - make them love you.
You have to! Mr
brittas said! No.
I have to cook supper. You're
making my life very difficult!
-I know!
-Well, thank you(!)
Problems, Gavin? Tim
won't tidy the cupboard.
That's serious (?)
Mr brittas thinks it is. Oh, Laura!
Whatever I do, I upset one of them!
Let's think...
There's nothing I can do. I'm doomed. You
know what I do in cases like this? What?
Where's Carol? She's
gone out, mr brittas.
Out? She was rather upset
about her boyfriend dying.
A-a-a-a-ah... ye-e-e-e-e-e-s.
It's just she was supposed to be putting those
figures onto disc... There we are. She's so reliable!
Well done, Carol! That's
my evening taken care of.
Tim did the lost
property, did he?
..Yes... yes, he did! Didn't give
you trouble, I hope. No, no, he didn't.
As a matter of fact, he did a very
good job. I'll just check it. Good!
Good!
I think he'll get
the hang of it.
What? Gavin.
Leadership's not easy
to teach, but he's learning.
I think so.