The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 4, Episode 8 - High Noon - full transcript

Horns blare

Of course! I should have known!

I'm afraid I can't
serve you any petrol.

What's the trouble? They've
got a new pump attendant.

Is that all? It
seems to be enough.

Don't forget the free sponge,
but it's not to wash your face!

What is going on here?

As far as I can tell,

that elderly man has had his car keys
confiscated until he cleans his windscreen!

You're kidding!

I'm afraid not!



That's just the start!

Please, don't fight! Just
because you got here first...

I don't care if you're the queen
of sheba - get back in your car!

Have you ever
seen anything like it?

I have - I used to work for him!

Can I have your attention please? Roll down
your windows so that you can hear me. Right!

We have a problem with the
demand for petrol, so this is what I'll do.

I'll go to my office, get some paper,
and issue each person with a number,

depending on the
time they arrived.

Petrol will then be served
consecutively to each customer.

I think that's the fairest way to do it. So, if
you'd like to form an orderly queue at my office.

Time to go, I think.

Don't you want no
petrol? Not that much, no.

If you've anything important to
do, I'd leave too, while you still can.



I've been on empty for 20 miles. If I
carry on I'll be walking to a garage.

You might find that quicker!

Oh, Julie, could you take
some money? Money?

I took the notes out as
I couldn't close the till.

All this is money? And this
one. I haven't counted it yet.

I'll do that, when I finish
rubbing it all over my body!

A change from the old days! You could say. No more
mr brittas pacing around wondering why no-one's here.

More peaceful
now, isn't it? Mmm.

Carole!

I've never seen the car park so
full. Is anything special happening?

No, no. Come for your things?

Yes. I have to ask
you a favour. Sure.

Ben's in the car. When he knew
we were coming he was so excited I...

..Wondered if
anyone would mind if...

You want to put him back in his
cupboard! It's where he grew up, Laura.

He's so homesick, it'll only be for
an hour. Mrs brittas leaves at 12.

Helen is here? In
the staff room, I think.

Hello. I helped
myself, is that all right?

Of course. Do you
want one? Please.

How are you? Not so bad.

Well, fairly bad.

Carole's living with us now,
and her children... And Gordon.

I saw him earlier at the
garage, starting his new job.

He's lost that! Really? He
was back home by ten past nine!

At least he wasn't
blamed for the flour. Flour?

You didn't hear? No. This flour tanker
had been queueing for petrol for hours,

the driver got impatient, decided
to reverse out, ripped open the lorry

and sent 6,000 cubic feet of flour
blowing across the dual carriageway!

You can imagine. Yes, I can!

The police had to send a snow
plough! Good job it didn't rain!

Gordon would've been blamed if he hadn't already
got the sack! Helen, how is he, in himself?

He's awful, Laura. It has
broken his heart leaving here.

It's like living with greyfriar's
Bobby. It meant a lot to him.

The awful thing is he still believes
he's coming back, but he's not, is he?

Can you think how any sane local authority might
be persuaded to have him back? Frankly, no. No.

He's in at every chance.
He's in his office now.

I'm doing it now! It's
not his office, it's...

..What's his name's? Andy? Alan.

Pooh!

Call yourself a leisure
centre manager?

Oi! Can I help
you? Oh, it's you!

You startled me, Alan, and I...

I thought I told you yesterday

that, much as I appreciate your
wanting to help and give advice...

No, no, not today.

No? This is a token of my appreciation
for the staff's loyalty over the years.

Can I have a minute in the lunch-time
staff meeting? We don't have them now.

I like to let the staff do their
work and have their dinner. Oh!

If you take it to the staffroom and leave
a note, I'm sure someone will find it.

Right, that's what I'll do then.

Oh, al, you know
about the bin, do you?

What?

Someone's put the foot
hygiene book in the bin.

And the black-list of children
banned from the centre.

And my personal notes on the staff - you
don't want to lose those. No - thank you (!)

There are lots of personal
details. Knock at door come in!

Mr brittas! What is it?

It's Fiona's class - she's
lost two children. Don't panic!

Get Laura to organise a search
of the woodlands. I'll call the police.

Tell Fiona there's two girls who go off
for a smoke. I'll be down in two minutes.

-Right! ..Two minutes? - Is that a problem?
-No, I suppose it probably isn't.

Whooo! I'm not sure that
was wise, al. Mr brittas...

Dealing with children... I speak
from experience here... mr brittas!

You didn't listen
to a word I said.

I don't want to hear how you
did things when you were here.

Now, it's very nice of
you to bring a present,

but I suggest you take it downstairs,
give it to someone, and then... Leave!

So we can all get
on with our work!

Goodbye!

Engine judders

brakes hiss

door slams

Know where I can find a
garage? By the dual carriageway.

-No! - No?
-No thanks.

-The only other one is back towards town.
-Right!

It's a two-mile
walk, I'm afraid.

Thanks (!)

That is wonderful, mr
brittas! It is rather, Colin.

I got it in Italy, at verdi's
birthplace souvenir shop.

It's a clock. Right,
Tim. A musical clock.

Every hour, it plays verdi's anvil
chorus. This chap bangs the time.

Every hour? Yes. Something
to look forward to (!)

Will you make your speech now? I'll wait until
more people arrive. I've got quite a bit to say...

Gavin! I can't stop - I've
got a message for Tim.

-The bouncy castle's here.
-Right. But I'm not blowing it up again!

Phone rings

I'll get that.

Hello... yep. Ok,
ok, I'm on me way.

You've got to go as well, Julie?
Scottish dancing in the main hall.

They need me to
play the accordion.

Blocked toilet in the gents again.
Alan says can you fix it? Cheers.

It's been like this since you left,
rushing around. No time to talk any more.

Things change with a new man.
Alan. You must give him time to settle in.

He cancelled my course on
herbal healing. What?! Alan.

He said it wasn't important
as nobody came! Well...

You didn't cancel for that. You said
the important thing was to be there.

Colin... you can't be if
they cancel your course!

These are not easy
times for any of us.

You must remember that it's the
difficult times that help us grow.

Sorry? That's why I
bought you this clock.

Life is like this smithy.

We are the iron.

It may be hard to suffer hammer
blows and the heat of the furnace,

but that is how iron
is turned into steel.

That's how we are forged,
ourselves, into better, stronger people.

Great, mr brittas. I want you to go down and fix that
toilet. And while you're there, your hand up the bowl,

I want you to say to yourself -
"I am being forged in the fire".

Right, mr brittas.

You know, that's what we've
missed since you've been gone...

..Someone who always
knows the right thing to say.

Clock chimes
verdi's anvil chorus

dong

he coughs and wheezes

oh, no!

Please, no!

Why?! ..I mean...!

Why?! ..Ohhh!

You've got a lot of stuff!
It's amazing how it builds up!

You don't realise
until you move!

You don't want to get
rid of any of it? Like this.

What is it? I'm not sure...

..But someone was sick
in it, quite a long time ago!

No! Not that, Ben's got all his
Christmas money in it... Somewhere.

I moved the car round the back, so
we can carry it all straight through.

How can I help?

There's a grey nova parked
outside, h reg. Any idea whose it is?

I think it's mr brittas's. Well,
it's blocking my gas tanker!

-What's going on?
-Sorry? - What's this?

Electrical repairs?

I think mr br... She's
dealing with me! What?

She is dealing
with me, all right?

Oh!

Sorry!

So...

Mrs brittas is moving the car and it
may have gone... When you get back.

Drilling what the
hell are you doing?!

-What about Ben?
-He's quite happy scampering in the ventilation system!

I'm not sure...

He got through the hole. I couldn't
bring him in, he was having such fun!

-Are these all ours?
-Just Chuck it in, Carole!

Yes, mss bss.

..Oi!

Oi!

What was that? I said,
"what the hell are you doing?!"

My little present. I think it will
help time-keeping and punctuality!

I'll tell you what will help with
time-keeping and punctuality...

..My staff being able to
get into their staff-room.

You've blocked off all the doors!
Standard procedure with power tools!

Patrick has had to cancel a class as
he couldn't get in to get his kit! How...

You altered the
notice-board again!

A few errors in punctuation
and spelling. Oh...

..I've altered the time-table a
bit. If Colin does pool duty on...

That's it! Out!
What?! I said out!

Someone will get hurt!

Too right they will! If you're not out of the building
in ten seconds, someone will get seriously injured!

Come on... Out!

From now, you are banned from
this building! Do you hear me? Banned!

Don't let me catch you with
even a foot in this building again!

Your wife will pick
you up later. Sorry?

The car was full so
she'll call back in an hour.

Will you wait in the staff-room?
I'll go outside, for a bit of fresh air!

They've driven
off with it! What?

My diesel can
they took it! I...

How can I deliver your
gas if I can't move my lorry?

-Deliver gas?
-If I can get to your tank!

We had a delivery yesterday.
Alan rang for it specially.

Don't muck me about, love! I've got
an order here signed by your manager.

Oh, dear! I see what
happened. What?

This is signed by
the old manager.

He must have ordered some
before he... I'll have a word with Alan.

Brittas!

Alan!

Alan! There's a man at the
desk who... Alan, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine, absolutely fine.

Ripping

what does he want?

He's rather unhappy because he's
got an order for gas from mr brittas.

-That big fellow, is it?
-Yes, I suppose he is... Fairly.

In that case, tell him the
order was a practical joke,

and give him brittas's
number and address.

Haven't got any
cigarettes, have you?

I don't smoke. Mr brittas
said smok... I'm sure he did!

Tell Laura she's in charge for
ten minutes. I must pop into town.

Right.

Yeah, I'm still stuck here... That's what I keep
trying to tell you... Yes, all right! As soon as I can!

You'll need to get closer
than that! You what?!

If you want to deliver the propane. Your hose
won't reach from there. It's too short, I can tell.

You can, can you? Yes, I
used to be the manager here.

You're that geezer
in the garage!

Pardon? What's your name?

Mr brittas! I thought
you'd left! I'm trying to, Tim!

Cracking

come 'ere!

Linda, where's Alan?
He had to pop out.

He said you're in
charge. Great! What's up?

There's no gas in the kitchen, and
we've 24 kids wanting hamburgers!

Didn't we have a delivery?

We did. We can't have
used a whole tank...

Can you smell anything?

No! I can.

Hissing

oh, my god! Phone the
gas board! We've got a leak!

Can you smell gas?
There's a leak. How?

It's probably the drill stuck in
the wall! I'll turn off the tank. Ok.

Julie, turn the power
off, there's a gas leak!

Linda's phoning the gas board, I'm
just about to evacuate the building.

Alan has gone out,
god knows where!

Tannoy: Attention, please. Would everyone leave the
leisure centre by the nearest exit, immediately!

I repeat, please leave
the centre immediately!

Staff will open emergency exits and take
you to assembly points outside the building.

Laura? What's
happening? ..A gas leak!

Don't panic, I'm on my way.

Phone rings

brittas. Yes, I know there's a leak!
I'm coming up to deal with it now...

..Colin... get Laura to
turn the electricity off.

It's important to ensure
there's no chance of a spark.

Chimes verdi's anvil chorus

explosion

Fire alarm rings

Help! Somebody help me!

It's not blocked. This way,
everyone... Are you all right?

Keep moving! But, mr brittas... Go on!
I'm not sure how long this will hold up!

Move, Colin! That's an order!
Quick as you can, everybody!

Laura! How are
things looking upstairs?

Not good. All the
exits are blocked!

I think we got everyone out.
As long as this ceiling holds!

Are you ok? Forget
about me! Get them out!

I'll send help as
soon as I can... Go on!

Laura! Don't let Colin give
anyone mouth-to-mouth!

Sirens blare

Is anyone still inside? Mr brittas. He's all
by himself, holding up the ceiling! He's what?

It's unbelievable. He must
have a back-bone of steel!

You'd better be quick - he's...

Loud rumbling

sirens wail

are you all right? I think so.

We lost two of Fiona's
first aid class. What?

Yeah, there are two missing.
Probably went off for a quick smoke!

God, what a mess!

The cause seems to
be a leaking gas pipe.

The fire spread to a tanker
park outside the centre.

Staff evacuated the building but
it's feared three people lost their lives.

The death toll would have been
higher but for one man, Gordon brittas.

Colin weatherby
saw what happened...

I certainly did. You were trapped
inside. How did you get out?

It was mr brittas. He held up
the ceiling on his shoulders.

Like a rock, he
stood there alone.

Until you all got out. Right. I was just saying "there's
only one left to save"...When the roof caved in.

How do you feel about
what mr brittas did?

I'll tell you this, Janine.

At the bottom of that
centre lies a big, big man!

Ben! Ben!

-Woman in tears! Get a close-up!
-Where's Ben? - What's happened?

She left her son in the ventilation
system! Why did I leave him?!

Creaking, then a crash

Ben?

What are you doing here, Ben? It's
all right, Ben. Uncle gordie's not cross!

Uncle gordie would
like you to help him.

You see that first aid box?

I want you to open it
and bring me the scissors.

The scissors, Ben!

That'll probably
do it as well (!)

Mrs brittas!

-What?
-How do you feel about what your husband did?

I'm appalled, obviously.

Sorry?

I know I'm his wife and probably not
supposed to say this, but... Look at it.

He's done it
now. I don't follow.

The more I think about
it... I really am very angry.

Angry?! Helen... he wasn't
running it - just visiting.

Helen, it wasn't Gordon.
What? The fire wasn't his fault.

Your husband is a hero... You
keep out of this. Where is Gordon?

Helen, he's dead.

Dead? Mmm.

Gordon?

But he can't be. It's
difficult to accept...

No, I can accept it. It's just...
If Gordon's dead, who is that?!

Verdi's anvil
chorus plays slowly

Cheering

Microphone feedback screeches

recording: 'Mr brittas, how did you feel
when you were awarded the George medal?'

'flabbergasted,
Janine. Bowled over.'

'you didn't expect it?' 'No. I didn't do anything.
I just happened to be under the beam at the time.'

'you must be proud, mrs brittas.'
'..Sorry? Are you talking to me?'

'i said you must be
proud of him.' 'Who?'

'your husband?' 'Oh... Yes,
yes. He's got a medal, you know.'

'mr brittas, as the previous manager has resigned after
admitting he was in a pub while the centre burnt down,

'is it true you might take over
the new leisure centre?' 'Well...'

'the press have been demanding
it.' 'They've been very supportive.'

'if I'm offered the job, I
will be proud to accept.

'Managing a leisure centre
must be the best job in the world.

'Actually, it's all I ever wanted
to do - help bring people together.

'I suppose you could
say it's my dream.'

right! No silly faces, please.

Right, everyone say "smile"
to the lens. "Smile"! Smile!

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