The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 4, Episode 7 - The Chop - full transcript
Mr. Brittas has the staff play an intricate board game which paints a grim vision on life, seemingly designed to show hard work pays, but as Tim finds out only demonstrates life is not fair. Councilor Jack Drugget, the new man in charge of sports, announces the council simply is no longer prepared to foot the bill for the leisure center's enormous deficit, and offers Brittas a generous pension with a bonus if he leaves the county, but he won't hear of it. Receptionist Carol asks Laura to help convince Gordon her son Ben needs a larger cupboard. Helen brings in a dog which only knows nasty tricks, such as biting the tops off swimsuits, so telling him is out of the question. Druggett finds a note that 'H.' took all the petty cash; he realizes Helen used it to buy the dog, she grumbles he takes away the first thing ever she really wanted, and goes missing. The councilor insists to press charges- except if he takes the blame, as pretext to sack him. The dog proves a lovely pet, but stays out of his dog house- Helen was hiding there! Gordon packs his things, but on the way out finds Carole also sacked and therefore homeless, joining his guillotine nightmares.
Right. Everyone got their rule book?
Yes! Everyone got their badges? Yes!
Everyone got their
score-pad and pencil? Yes!
Everyone got their three
starting cards? Three? Yes.
To be born you
need three cards -
aptitude, genetic and
socio-economic. Right. Right.
Now, this game is very
like the real game of life.
You throw a six to start, then
make your way round the board.
When you pass "go", which is another year,
take your salary and three more cards.
A career card, to see if
you've been promoted or fired,
a family card, to see if you've
got divorced or anything,
and, of course, a
catastrophe card!
We each have a catastrophe every
year? Tragic but true, Laura, yes!
The game ends when you're 65, you retire, you see
how you did and what lessons you learned. Okey-dokey?
Mr brittas, what
does "fv" stand for?
I wonder if you listen
at all. Someone tell him!
Oh, for Pete's sake!
"Fv" means foolish
virgin, Gavin.
You are sitting on the wise virgins' side.
Foolish virgins sit here. Swop with Patrick.
-Why can't I be a wise virgin?
-You're lucky to be a virgin at all!
Something to say, Timothy? No.
Each wise virgin give me £1,500, and
do the same every time you pass "go".
It's the wise
virgins that do that?
That's right, Linda, and I'll put
it in a personal pension fund.
I see! I've just realised what
this is all about! Right, who'll start?
We fvs will drift through
life and end up with nothing,
and they'll invest
in a pension fund.
When we're old, they'll be rich
and we'll sleep under Bridges!
Part of your plan, isn't it?
Let's just play the game.
Just give us the
brochures on pensions.
This game took a lot of
thought and time to design.
Throw the dice, Gavin! Ok!
Six! Right!
♪ Catastrophe card for Gavin! ♪
All: Oooh!
Oh no!
Read it out! You lose a limb in an accident and are
unable to work. Lose your job, and go back four squares.
Ha, ha! Back you go!
Someone to see ya!
Not now, Julie. Gavin, do
you want a fortune card?
Name's drugget.
Says it's important.
What's important is my staff getting to
grips with my game. Tell him to call back.
Now, a fortune card may help
or it might make things worse.
If that's the way you want it.
What sort of man
is called drugget?
Your go, Linda.
Councillor drugget, perhaps? Who?
The new head of leisure services.
I do apologise for my secretary not
saying who you were. Come through.
Not many people in today. It is
August, traditionally a quiet time.
It'll pick up when the schools
go back. Coffee? Thank you.
Julie, could we have
coffee please? 'I'm busy.'
what can I do for you,
councillor? Jack, please!
It's nothing complicated. I'll start
by going over some basic figures.
Happy to, Jack.
If you've got time.
Very impressive software
you're using these days.
I gather this is what it costs to
keep the centre open for a year.
With you, Jack. And this is income.
That seems to be ballpark, yes.
Income should be greater than
expenditure, not one three-hundredth of it.
Couldn't agree more,
Jack. However...
But we're losing... This much.
Right. Yes. That makes
my next move obvious.
I'm sorry, Jack. I've chalked my cue but I'm
not quite sure which pocket we're aiming for.
I'm afraid bad light
stops play, Gordon.
Follow on?
Game's over. Time
to draw stumps.
What?
You've given us a lot of fun at county hall.
Your schemes have given us real... Laughs.
But all good things
come to an end.
You're... you're
going to get rid of me?
Wasn't that clear? Yes,
that's the whole point.
You want me to leave? Yes,
here's a resignation letter.
I won't resign.
I've got years left.
That's what frightens us.
No, your chair's too close. Move it right
back. I know it's hard, just do your best.
Excuse me. Whitbury-newtown-leisure-centre.
How-can-i-help-you?
Agh!
-One ticket, please.
-Pardon?
I'd like a ticket for the pool.
Yes, I'm not sure... Laura,
come out here, please.
Hello! Mrs brittas! What
do you think of him?
-He's very intelligent, isn't he?!
-Wonderful.
He's the best fwend I
ever had. Is he yours?
He's called Wayne. Want to
see what he can do? Well...
Come on, boy.
Jumpers!
Do you think...
He's a cabaret dog.
His owner got married and her
husband sold him. He didn't approve.
There we are! Does he
actually undo the catch?
No, he bites it! This trick
is just for special occasions!
You got him? I couldn't resist him!
Carole's just seen one of his tricks!
What does mr brittas think?
I've got a kennel...
You said you'd ask.
..And a lead. And a bowl.
It'll be lovely, cos
you're gorgeous.
You haven't told him. He's been
so busy lately, making that game.
I was just going to
tell him. It's no big deal.
If I could have a word, Laura?
Sorry? I'm a little worried about Ben.
We all are. It's the
size of his cupboard.
Yes. Since I got the TV, all he does is watch it and
it's bad for his eyes. Any possibility of expanding?
You want a bigger cupboard. Yes.
If we knocked through the wall... It might sound
better coming from you. You want me to ask? Yes.
I'll show him the dog first. Mmm? If he sees
him he'll keep him. Anything's possible.
I'd like him there if
Gordon turns nasty.
Here, boy! Wayne? Waynie?
He'll be at the pool. Really? He said
he wanted a swim when he came in.
This is what we're
prepared to offer.
Two years' salary, full pension, a good
reference, and ten grand if you leave the county.
I don't understand any of this.
It's simple. We want
you out and we'll pay for it.
You can't ask me
to give up my work.
Why not? This isn't
just a job, you know.
Could you offer the local vicar
£10,000 to give up christianity?
Well, the present one you could!
I have a calling. This is
my life - I can't give it up.
Gordon, sign the form. Take the
money while you can. The alternative...
You can't fire me.
Under the 1985 employment act, I have to have
three written warnings, and I've a right of appeal.
We'll find a way round that. I'll
fight you every inch of the way.
It's just you and me here. We don't
have to pretend. This place is a disaster.
I take serious
exception to that, Jack.
This place is not a disaster.
It's a well-oiled machine, honed
over the years to cope with any crisis.
Thank goodness I've found you! I'm
busy, Colin! It's another catastrophe!
Colin! You'd better come now!
Julie! Councillor
drugget is just leaving.
Sorry for not seeing you out -
I have a leisure centre to run.
We do not have catastrophes. We
have problems that we cope with.
I think this is a
catastrophe, mr brittas.
How did a dog get in? No idea,
but he's upset the ladies' aquarobics.
He's taken their
tops off! A dog?!
They say he's an
ex-cabaret artiste. Good grief!
It gets worse! At parties he
used to unzip men's flies. Tricky!
What?! Swimming trunks don't have
flies, so he grabs their... Ok, follow me.
Laura, what's happening?
It's under control.
The women are in the changing
room with a needle and thread...
Where's the dog?
With mrs brittas.
What's she doing here?
She's... She just wanted to help.
So, just compensation forms
needed. And one other thing.
What? The dog did his business
in the pool - at the eight-foot Mark.
Eight foot?!
By this depth-marker.
I'll clear the pool, shall I? I'd rather avoid
any bad publicity. It might be a health hazard.
It's starting to drift around.
The main thing is to remove it.
You're in charge of the pool.
Leave it to me. Linda, job for you.
A-a-a-a! One thing about leadership is that if
there's a dirty job to be done, you do it yourself.
You want to do it, mr brittas?
I'll get me trunks
and a plastic bag.
Hello, ladies.
Sorry to rope you in on
this, darling. I don't mind.
He hasn't been any trouble?
No, he's been friendly!
Friendly? Do you know what he did? It's high spirits.
If he got to know us... he won't get the chance.
Won't he? ..He seems very
clever. We could train him...
One thing I don't need is a
sex-mad dog bringing in lawsuits.
What I do need to know is
which idiot owns him. Any ideas?
We could ask around for you...
Get me the rspca, a dog-handler,
and an electric cattle-prod.
I'll also need... What's
going on in here?
He wanted to see
the accounts. What?!
I hoped to find an irregularity
so we could fire you.
I told him everyone knows
you're an honest berk.
Thank you, Julie.
Found anything yet? Not really.
Well... Just a shortfall in the petty cash.
The what? Petty
cash. Let me see.
I make it that we're
down about £300.
That's impossible. I'm
not a detective, Gordon,
but this is a clue...
"I've taken all the ten-pound
notes. Will explain, h.
"Ps, the car is still
making a whirring noise."
Give me that.
Drum roll
who is "h"?
Helen! Hello, darling. What
the hell have you done?
What is this?! It's quite
clear - it's in block capitals.
You took money
from the petty cash.
Yes. Why didn't you ask? You
weren't there. Anyway, you'd say no.
He wants you to throw it. Never mind games! What
about the money? You can't just leave him begging!
You've taken £300
from petty cash.
I need to know why and
what you wanted it for.
You bought the dog! You
spent the money on a dog.
I wouldn't spend £300 on a dog.
There's a kennel,
a lead, a bowl...
I can't believe it... Some winalot
and a tag with his phone number on.
I don't care. You stole £300.
I borrowed it.
You've got the note.
If you don't ask
first, it's stealing.
What? Borrowing without
permission - stealing. Remember?
I've never heard that before.
No-one's ever told me that in my life.
You wanted me? I've
got to go to the bank.
What's wrong with taking the
money? It hasn't hurt anybody.
I'll be back soon. Keep
an eye on things. Of course.
I've taken a bit of
money - it'll get put back!
What does it matter?!
Drum roll
Gordon, I'm talking
to you! Gordon!
Gordon, I'm talking to you!
He never wanted me to have a
dog, or to have anything of my own.
The first time I get something
I really want... He spoils it all!
Helen, it's a little more
complicated than you think.
"Your promotion is turned down.
Lose six months' salary." Oh, god!
You keep landing on red squares.
You need a car to hop over them.
But all my money is
in the pension fund!
Still playing? Yes.
It's not a bad game.
"Flat repossessed.
Go back to the bedsit."
So the pension scheme
paid off! I didn't join it. I did.
Thanks, brittas (!)
Is he coming back? That's
what we're worried about.
How do you mean? You
know drugget came in today?
He's trying to get mr brittas out. They
always try that. But this time it's real!
Ah! ..Ah!
There - £300. That's wonderful.
My apologies. It
won't happen again.
Thank you. So I'll tear up the iou.
Would that it were that simple. Sorry?
Well, a crime has
been committed.
She didn't know it was a crime. Ignorance of the law
is no defence. I must prosecute. I have no choice.
Drum roll
it won't be easy for her. Dragged through
the courts... And with her criminal record...
She hasn't got a record. Nine charges of
shoplifting? That was years ago. Two of abh.
Those cases are sub judice, you can't discuss
them. Good chance of a prison sentence.
Prison?!
A possibility occurs to
me. You're sure it was her?
What? If a member of the public commits
a crime on our property, I must prosecute.
So you keep saying. But if it was an
employee, we've power of discretion.
If the money was taken by
an employee, we'd settle for...
..The money being returned and
the person resigning, with full pension.
Get my meaning?
It's a choice, Gordon.
Your wife goes to prison, or...
All right! I'm thinking!
I'm not playing! Come on!
-Sending kids to private school!
-I want what's best. - But why get married?
-It's a game!
-It's crummy and I'll tell brittas!
Problem, Tim? It's
your game. What?
It doesn't work! I'm working hard,
saving money, and getting worse off!
He's spending money
and he's rich! It's not fair!
That is life for you, Tim. What?
Life's not fair. It never has been.
But you said... in real life it doesn't matter
how hard you work, it's all based on luck.
But you said... you give it all you've got, but
at the end of the day, all you do is roll a dice.
Roll the right number, you succeed beyond your
wildest dreams. Throw another, it goes down the sewer.
I thought the lesson was...
..That's a clever game.
It's clever, but it doesn't
mean people don't get hurt.
They do. Come on,
I'll buy you a coffee.
Is this a good time to
talk about cupboards?
I'm worried about Ben's eyes. It's
bad for children to sit close to the TV.
Carole... if we could extend
the cupboard into the staff room...
Mr brittas... we're talking
about something important.
If it's bad news, don't tell me.
Your baby-minder has called. She's worried
it seems mrs brittas has gone missing.
Right, bye.
All asleep, at last. Any news?
No. They like a woman to go missing for 24 hours before
doing anything. They reckon she's run away again.
She's done it before?
Once or twice, yes.
But she's taken the kids
before. She means it this time.
I'm sure there's
nothing to worry about.
No. No, nothing to
worry about at all.
She's only disturbed and depressed, living on
drugs and has realised she faces a prison sentence.
Nothing to worry about (!)
Sorry, that was uncalled for.
After all you've done. It's all right.
Get back to your man. Don't
want him worrying as well.
You'll be ok? I'm happy to stay.
You get on home, Laura.
Sure? I'll be fine. Ok.
Oh, it's you!
Thanks.
He sighs
Hello! What are you doing here?
You ought to be in your kennel.
Come on. In you go.
What is it? There's
nothing to be frightened of.
Helen?!
You mean you've
been here all night?
Since yesterday lunchtime.
Why? I felt awful. I
didn't know where to go.
So you went into a kennel. It seemed
the right place somehow. It's quite cosy.
Have you any idea how worried we've been?
I'm sorry... I just can't go to prison.
You're not going to prison. I am!
They'll find out the other things.
Helen! What did the judge say last
time...? You're not going to prison.
But, I stole the money.
I told them it was me.
What?! I told them
I took the money.
Of course, and you haven't got a
record. Did they believe you? Yes.
So everything's going to be all
right! You're so clever, Gordon.
I do love you. That's wonderful.
Drum roll
I suppose we'd
better get inside. Right.
Do we have to? What?
Let's stay here for a few
more minutes, shall we? Ok.
It's terrible! What? He's
gone! Mr brittas has resigned.
-I don't believe it!
-Here's his resignation letter.
"When you read this, I
will no longer be manager."
Why resign?
This says he's laid the foundations of a sound
structure, which will carry sport into the 21st century.
He realises a young man should run
the centre. He's giving way to fresh blood.
It's a trick - like when he dressed as
a woman to see how sexist we were.
He's gone this time, Tim.
He has!
Are you sure?
He's upstairs, packing.
He'll be out before we open.
Let's all go through to the
staff-room, to sort things out.
It'll be strange without him.
It was strange with him.
It's going to be normal.
Not coming? No, the children
can be noisy at meetings.
-Children? - Ben and the twins.
-They are...
Ben's in his cupboard, playing,
and the twins are in their drawers.
So they are!
As you're in charge, I'd like a
word about more cupboard space.
-More space?
-Growing boys need space. We could extend here... I've a drawing.
-There's a TV.
-Exactly. You can see how close he is. A few more feet...
All right, Carole. All right.
Here's what we're going to do...
Applause from staff-room
Laughter
sobbing
Carole?
Mr brittas, it's good to
see you. What's wrong?
I've been fired.
Fired! What for?
I don't know. He just said
to pack my things and leave.
I'm not trained
for anything else.
I've got three children and
nowhere to live. It's all right, Carole.
You've never had
everything taken away!
No.
This place has been everything to me
my home, my family. What will I do?
Don't worry, Carole.
Come with me.
I'm so frightened, mr brittas! There's
no need to be, Carole. Hold on to me.
Inaudible
what's going to happen to us? Don't you worry
about that, Carole. Just keep looking at me.
It's the strangest thing, but while I'm
with you, I don't feel frightened any more.
Drum roll
that's right, Carole.
That's the way.
Crash
Yes! Everyone got their badges? Yes!
Everyone got their
score-pad and pencil? Yes!
Everyone got their three
starting cards? Three? Yes.
To be born you
need three cards -
aptitude, genetic and
socio-economic. Right. Right.
Now, this game is very
like the real game of life.
You throw a six to start, then
make your way round the board.
When you pass "go", which is another year,
take your salary and three more cards.
A career card, to see if
you've been promoted or fired,
a family card, to see if you've
got divorced or anything,
and, of course, a
catastrophe card!
We each have a catastrophe every
year? Tragic but true, Laura, yes!
The game ends when you're 65, you retire, you see
how you did and what lessons you learned. Okey-dokey?
Mr brittas, what
does "fv" stand for?
I wonder if you listen
at all. Someone tell him!
Oh, for Pete's sake!
"Fv" means foolish
virgin, Gavin.
You are sitting on the wise virgins' side.
Foolish virgins sit here. Swop with Patrick.
-Why can't I be a wise virgin?
-You're lucky to be a virgin at all!
Something to say, Timothy? No.
Each wise virgin give me £1,500, and
do the same every time you pass "go".
It's the wise
virgins that do that?
That's right, Linda, and I'll put
it in a personal pension fund.
I see! I've just realised what
this is all about! Right, who'll start?
We fvs will drift through
life and end up with nothing,
and they'll invest
in a pension fund.
When we're old, they'll be rich
and we'll sleep under Bridges!
Part of your plan, isn't it?
Let's just play the game.
Just give us the
brochures on pensions.
This game took a lot of
thought and time to design.
Throw the dice, Gavin! Ok!
Six! Right!
♪ Catastrophe card for Gavin! ♪
All: Oooh!
Oh no!
Read it out! You lose a limb in an accident and are
unable to work. Lose your job, and go back four squares.
Ha, ha! Back you go!
Someone to see ya!
Not now, Julie. Gavin, do
you want a fortune card?
Name's drugget.
Says it's important.
What's important is my staff getting to
grips with my game. Tell him to call back.
Now, a fortune card may help
or it might make things worse.
If that's the way you want it.
What sort of man
is called drugget?
Your go, Linda.
Councillor drugget, perhaps? Who?
The new head of leisure services.
I do apologise for my secretary not
saying who you were. Come through.
Not many people in today. It is
August, traditionally a quiet time.
It'll pick up when the schools
go back. Coffee? Thank you.
Julie, could we have
coffee please? 'I'm busy.'
what can I do for you,
councillor? Jack, please!
It's nothing complicated. I'll start
by going over some basic figures.
Happy to, Jack.
If you've got time.
Very impressive software
you're using these days.
I gather this is what it costs to
keep the centre open for a year.
With you, Jack. And this is income.
That seems to be ballpark, yes.
Income should be greater than
expenditure, not one three-hundredth of it.
Couldn't agree more,
Jack. However...
But we're losing... This much.
Right. Yes. That makes
my next move obvious.
I'm sorry, Jack. I've chalked my cue but I'm
not quite sure which pocket we're aiming for.
I'm afraid bad light
stops play, Gordon.
Follow on?
Game's over. Time
to draw stumps.
What?
You've given us a lot of fun at county hall.
Your schemes have given us real... Laughs.
But all good things
come to an end.
You're... you're
going to get rid of me?
Wasn't that clear? Yes,
that's the whole point.
You want me to leave? Yes,
here's a resignation letter.
I won't resign.
I've got years left.
That's what frightens us.
No, your chair's too close. Move it right
back. I know it's hard, just do your best.
Excuse me. Whitbury-newtown-leisure-centre.
How-can-i-help-you?
Agh!
-One ticket, please.
-Pardon?
I'd like a ticket for the pool.
Yes, I'm not sure... Laura,
come out here, please.
Hello! Mrs brittas! What
do you think of him?
-He's very intelligent, isn't he?!
-Wonderful.
He's the best fwend I
ever had. Is he yours?
He's called Wayne. Want to
see what he can do? Well...
Come on, boy.
Jumpers!
Do you think...
He's a cabaret dog.
His owner got married and her
husband sold him. He didn't approve.
There we are! Does he
actually undo the catch?
No, he bites it! This trick
is just for special occasions!
You got him? I couldn't resist him!
Carole's just seen one of his tricks!
What does mr brittas think?
I've got a kennel...
You said you'd ask.
..And a lead. And a bowl.
It'll be lovely, cos
you're gorgeous.
You haven't told him. He's been
so busy lately, making that game.
I was just going to
tell him. It's no big deal.
If I could have a word, Laura?
Sorry? I'm a little worried about Ben.
We all are. It's the
size of his cupboard.
Yes. Since I got the TV, all he does is watch it and
it's bad for his eyes. Any possibility of expanding?
You want a bigger cupboard. Yes.
If we knocked through the wall... It might sound
better coming from you. You want me to ask? Yes.
I'll show him the dog first. Mmm? If he sees
him he'll keep him. Anything's possible.
I'd like him there if
Gordon turns nasty.
Here, boy! Wayne? Waynie?
He'll be at the pool. Really? He said
he wanted a swim when he came in.
This is what we're
prepared to offer.
Two years' salary, full pension, a good
reference, and ten grand if you leave the county.
I don't understand any of this.
It's simple. We want
you out and we'll pay for it.
You can't ask me
to give up my work.
Why not? This isn't
just a job, you know.
Could you offer the local vicar
£10,000 to give up christianity?
Well, the present one you could!
I have a calling. This is
my life - I can't give it up.
Gordon, sign the form. Take the
money while you can. The alternative...
You can't fire me.
Under the 1985 employment act, I have to have
three written warnings, and I've a right of appeal.
We'll find a way round that. I'll
fight you every inch of the way.
It's just you and me here. We don't
have to pretend. This place is a disaster.
I take serious
exception to that, Jack.
This place is not a disaster.
It's a well-oiled machine, honed
over the years to cope with any crisis.
Thank goodness I've found you! I'm
busy, Colin! It's another catastrophe!
Colin! You'd better come now!
Julie! Councillor
drugget is just leaving.
Sorry for not seeing you out -
I have a leisure centre to run.
We do not have catastrophes. We
have problems that we cope with.
I think this is a
catastrophe, mr brittas.
How did a dog get in? No idea,
but he's upset the ladies' aquarobics.
He's taken their
tops off! A dog?!
They say he's an
ex-cabaret artiste. Good grief!
It gets worse! At parties he
used to unzip men's flies. Tricky!
What?! Swimming trunks don't have
flies, so he grabs their... Ok, follow me.
Laura, what's happening?
It's under control.
The women are in the changing
room with a needle and thread...
Where's the dog?
With mrs brittas.
What's she doing here?
She's... She just wanted to help.
So, just compensation forms
needed. And one other thing.
What? The dog did his business
in the pool - at the eight-foot Mark.
Eight foot?!
By this depth-marker.
I'll clear the pool, shall I? I'd rather avoid
any bad publicity. It might be a health hazard.
It's starting to drift around.
The main thing is to remove it.
You're in charge of the pool.
Leave it to me. Linda, job for you.
A-a-a-a! One thing about leadership is that if
there's a dirty job to be done, you do it yourself.
You want to do it, mr brittas?
I'll get me trunks
and a plastic bag.
Hello, ladies.
Sorry to rope you in on
this, darling. I don't mind.
He hasn't been any trouble?
No, he's been friendly!
Friendly? Do you know what he did? It's high spirits.
If he got to know us... he won't get the chance.
Won't he? ..He seems very
clever. We could train him...
One thing I don't need is a
sex-mad dog bringing in lawsuits.
What I do need to know is
which idiot owns him. Any ideas?
We could ask around for you...
Get me the rspca, a dog-handler,
and an electric cattle-prod.
I'll also need... What's
going on in here?
He wanted to see
the accounts. What?!
I hoped to find an irregularity
so we could fire you.
I told him everyone knows
you're an honest berk.
Thank you, Julie.
Found anything yet? Not really.
Well... Just a shortfall in the petty cash.
The what? Petty
cash. Let me see.
I make it that we're
down about £300.
That's impossible. I'm
not a detective, Gordon,
but this is a clue...
"I've taken all the ten-pound
notes. Will explain, h.
"Ps, the car is still
making a whirring noise."
Give me that.
Drum roll
who is "h"?
Helen! Hello, darling. What
the hell have you done?
What is this?! It's quite
clear - it's in block capitals.
You took money
from the petty cash.
Yes. Why didn't you ask? You
weren't there. Anyway, you'd say no.
He wants you to throw it. Never mind games! What
about the money? You can't just leave him begging!
You've taken £300
from petty cash.
I need to know why and
what you wanted it for.
You bought the dog! You
spent the money on a dog.
I wouldn't spend £300 on a dog.
There's a kennel,
a lead, a bowl...
I can't believe it... Some winalot
and a tag with his phone number on.
I don't care. You stole £300.
I borrowed it.
You've got the note.
If you don't ask
first, it's stealing.
What? Borrowing without
permission - stealing. Remember?
I've never heard that before.
No-one's ever told me that in my life.
You wanted me? I've
got to go to the bank.
What's wrong with taking the
money? It hasn't hurt anybody.
I'll be back soon. Keep
an eye on things. Of course.
I've taken a bit of
money - it'll get put back!
What does it matter?!
Drum roll
Gordon, I'm talking
to you! Gordon!
Gordon, I'm talking to you!
He never wanted me to have a
dog, or to have anything of my own.
The first time I get something
I really want... He spoils it all!
Helen, it's a little more
complicated than you think.
"Your promotion is turned down.
Lose six months' salary." Oh, god!
You keep landing on red squares.
You need a car to hop over them.
But all my money is
in the pension fund!
Still playing? Yes.
It's not a bad game.
"Flat repossessed.
Go back to the bedsit."
So the pension scheme
paid off! I didn't join it. I did.
Thanks, brittas (!)
Is he coming back? That's
what we're worried about.
How do you mean? You
know drugget came in today?
He's trying to get mr brittas out. They
always try that. But this time it's real!
Ah! ..Ah!
There - £300. That's wonderful.
My apologies. It
won't happen again.
Thank you. So I'll tear up the iou.
Would that it were that simple. Sorry?
Well, a crime has
been committed.
She didn't know it was a crime. Ignorance of the law
is no defence. I must prosecute. I have no choice.
Drum roll
it won't be easy for her. Dragged through
the courts... And with her criminal record...
She hasn't got a record. Nine charges of
shoplifting? That was years ago. Two of abh.
Those cases are sub judice, you can't discuss
them. Good chance of a prison sentence.
Prison?!
A possibility occurs to
me. You're sure it was her?
What? If a member of the public commits
a crime on our property, I must prosecute.
So you keep saying. But if it was an
employee, we've power of discretion.
If the money was taken by
an employee, we'd settle for...
..The money being returned and
the person resigning, with full pension.
Get my meaning?
It's a choice, Gordon.
Your wife goes to prison, or...
All right! I'm thinking!
I'm not playing! Come on!
-Sending kids to private school!
-I want what's best. - But why get married?
-It's a game!
-It's crummy and I'll tell brittas!
Problem, Tim? It's
your game. What?
It doesn't work! I'm working hard,
saving money, and getting worse off!
He's spending money
and he's rich! It's not fair!
That is life for you, Tim. What?
Life's not fair. It never has been.
But you said... in real life it doesn't matter
how hard you work, it's all based on luck.
But you said... you give it all you've got, but
at the end of the day, all you do is roll a dice.
Roll the right number, you succeed beyond your
wildest dreams. Throw another, it goes down the sewer.
I thought the lesson was...
..That's a clever game.
It's clever, but it doesn't
mean people don't get hurt.
They do. Come on,
I'll buy you a coffee.
Is this a good time to
talk about cupboards?
I'm worried about Ben's eyes. It's
bad for children to sit close to the TV.
Carole... if we could extend
the cupboard into the staff room...
Mr brittas... we're talking
about something important.
If it's bad news, don't tell me.
Your baby-minder has called. She's worried
it seems mrs brittas has gone missing.
Right, bye.
All asleep, at last. Any news?
No. They like a woman to go missing for 24 hours before
doing anything. They reckon she's run away again.
She's done it before?
Once or twice, yes.
But she's taken the kids
before. She means it this time.
I'm sure there's
nothing to worry about.
No. No, nothing to
worry about at all.
She's only disturbed and depressed, living on
drugs and has realised she faces a prison sentence.
Nothing to worry about (!)
Sorry, that was uncalled for.
After all you've done. It's all right.
Get back to your man. Don't
want him worrying as well.
You'll be ok? I'm happy to stay.
You get on home, Laura.
Sure? I'll be fine. Ok.
Oh, it's you!
Thanks.
He sighs
Hello! What are you doing here?
You ought to be in your kennel.
Come on. In you go.
What is it? There's
nothing to be frightened of.
Helen?!
You mean you've
been here all night?
Since yesterday lunchtime.
Why? I felt awful. I
didn't know where to go.
So you went into a kennel. It seemed
the right place somehow. It's quite cosy.
Have you any idea how worried we've been?
I'm sorry... I just can't go to prison.
You're not going to prison. I am!
They'll find out the other things.
Helen! What did the judge say last
time...? You're not going to prison.
But, I stole the money.
I told them it was me.
What?! I told them
I took the money.
Of course, and you haven't got a
record. Did they believe you? Yes.
So everything's going to be all
right! You're so clever, Gordon.
I do love you. That's wonderful.
Drum roll
I suppose we'd
better get inside. Right.
Do we have to? What?
Let's stay here for a few
more minutes, shall we? Ok.
It's terrible! What? He's
gone! Mr brittas has resigned.
-I don't believe it!
-Here's his resignation letter.
"When you read this, I
will no longer be manager."
Why resign?
This says he's laid the foundations of a sound
structure, which will carry sport into the 21st century.
He realises a young man should run
the centre. He's giving way to fresh blood.
It's a trick - like when he dressed as
a woman to see how sexist we were.
He's gone this time, Tim.
He has!
Are you sure?
He's upstairs, packing.
He'll be out before we open.
Let's all go through to the
staff-room, to sort things out.
It'll be strange without him.
It was strange with him.
It's going to be normal.
Not coming? No, the children
can be noisy at meetings.
-Children? - Ben and the twins.
-They are...
Ben's in his cupboard, playing,
and the twins are in their drawers.
So they are!
As you're in charge, I'd like a
word about more cupboard space.
-More space?
-Growing boys need space. We could extend here... I've a drawing.
-There's a TV.
-Exactly. You can see how close he is. A few more feet...
All right, Carole. All right.
Here's what we're going to do...
Applause from staff-room
Laughter
sobbing
Carole?
Mr brittas, it's good to
see you. What's wrong?
I've been fired.
Fired! What for?
I don't know. He just said
to pack my things and leave.
I'm not trained
for anything else.
I've got three children and
nowhere to live. It's all right, Carole.
You've never had
everything taken away!
No.
This place has been everything to me
my home, my family. What will I do?
Don't worry, Carole.
Come with me.
I'm so frightened, mr brittas! There's
no need to be, Carole. Hold on to me.
Inaudible
what's going to happen to us? Don't you worry
about that, Carole. Just keep looking at me.
It's the strangest thing, but while I'm
with you, I don't feel frightened any more.
Drum roll
that's right, Carole.
That's the way.
Crash