The Brittas Empire (1991–1997): Season 4, Episode 3 - Biggles Tells a Lie - full transcript
On a rare day when Gordon Brittas is out, everybody is surprised to see his office taken by 'manager' Colin Weatherby, almost unrecognizably well-dressed, no smell. The reason sits there too: his daughter Stephanie from a brief affair, visiting for the first time ever, all the way from Tasmania, expecting the perfect father as he wrote her over the years to have various talents and occupations, such as an author pen-name and a TV show. Mr. Brittas was just returning a pen he had taken with him, but can't resist helping Tim with a boiler problem- which happens to be receptionist Carole's missing and clandestine kitten Biggles. Meanwhile the staff has seen a photograph of Mrs. Brittas someone send to Plaything magazine; when Gavin tries to burn it in the boiler, Gordon finds it and Colin's manager name plate on his desk...
Any messages? No.
Colin!
No-one's asked
for me at all? No.
Colin, what's happened? You
look... I'll be in the staffroom. Ok?
Of course.
You wouldn't believe
it. Sorry, Gavin?
The things people leave -
some dentures, a bowie knife,
a bottle of milk of
magnesia and this!
All from the saga outing!
I'll get the lost property book.
This is... Lunch, is it? Sorry?
For the children?
No! That's for biggles!
I've got Ben a kitten. Children
should grow up with animals.
Yes... Are they in
the same cupboard?
No! That didn't work.
He has two drawers.
One is for his business tray.
It's cat food?
Yes!
Ben's bowl is over here. Right.
Lost property book?
Thanks.
Ok, Benny. Here's your lunch.
No.
I think it's this...
Excuse me. How may I help you?
I'm here to see the
manager. He's not in today.
No?
He's away sailing. He
didn't say that this morning.
I'll check.
I'll deal with this.
Let's have coffee in my office.
It's done it again. Sorry, Laura?
It's the boiler. What is it now?
According to the £10,000 electronic
display unit, the problem appears to be d3!
I'd better get Colin to look at it.
He's just gone upstairs with a girl.
A girl? It's all
rather mysterious.
How do you mean? He's
not like he normally is.
He's sort of... Clean.
And the smell's gone.
This sounds like a case for the
three Marys! So he's in his office?
Yes.
He doesn't have an office.
No.
I wondered about that.
Loud laughter
yes? Everything ok? Yes.
Can we talk?
What? It's important.
Can it wait? No.
No. No, right.
So, what's the problem?
Hi! Hello.
What can I do for you? It's
the boiler again, I'm afraid.
You understand it, so I
wondered if you would...
..Have a look at it!
Let's get down there
and see what we can do.
Laura? I'll stay
here, I think. Really?
Someone has to see to
your visitor, mr weatherby.
Yes.
Yes.
Of course.
Laura. Stephanie.
And you're from?
Hobart, tasmania.
Here for two weeks.
How do you find whitbury? Fantastic,
Laura, but this is what I came for.
Is it?
I thought I'd miss seeing the centre, with
all the security for the olympic trials.
Oh, those (!)
Then, the day I'm due to fly home, he says I
can see his office! It's a big moment for me.
And for me, too.
It's just how he described in his letters
his desk, the sofa where he thinks.
The photo of him with
the duchess of Kent.
So he is!
You can't know what this means to me, Laura - quite
apart from the emotion of meeting dad for the first time.
Dad?
I suppose it's a feeling
of... Coming home.
Right.
Look! These must be the books he's
written. I suppose you've read them all.
Yes...
Would you excuse me? I
must ask your father something.
Colin, what the hell is going on?
I'm sorry. She's your daughter? Yes.
She seems to think you're in charge.
I never expected her to come here.
I just wanted her to think her dad
had done something with his life.
Have you told her
you're the manager? Yes.
How were you going
to do it? I don't know.
You can't do this
without the staff.
I didn't want to tell them.
They'd have laughed.
Laughed?
Why would they laugh?
Maybe they would,
but they could still help.
Colin has a daughter?
I didn't know he was married.
He's not - he once had a brief affair.
Very brief - 8.30 to 8.40! Shortly
afterwards, she went to Australia.
Colin's never seen her?
But he writes to her. He
said he's the manager? Yes.
So we should treat him as we would mr
brittas. Completely differently in your case!
In his letters, he said things about himself
that, strictly speaking, aren't true.
Like what? Apart from
managing the centre,
he's trained the British ice
figure-skating champions.
He's presented a regular
spot on breakfast TV.
And he's written several
thrillers under a pseudonym!
-Didn't she think it was odd?
-She's an Australian!
Stephanie thinks he's wonderful
and I think it would be really nice
if she went back still believing it.
So we have to make her think he's
the manager and a super-hero as well?
Yes. It's not going
to be easy. No.
Any suggestions?
Changing rooms. Notice
board - horizontal, parallel.
Squash courts... mr weatherby!
I just wanted to tell you my mother
says thank you. Your mother?
He forgot!
He gave my old mum
£500 for a cataract operation.
It's wonderful - she can
see again! He's a Saint.
Dad!
Morning. Linda.
Everything all right?
Couldn't be better!
This is the junior
orphans' group.
Really?
They can't afford to swim.
Your father pays for them.
They're all rather fond of him.
Come on, orphans - three
cheers for mr weatherby.
Hip-hip. Hooray!
Hip-hip. Hooray!
Two minutes, my darling.
Puss, puss?
Ben, have you seen biggles?
Have you seen Colin?
Sorry? I'm waiting for him.
You've not heard? What?
Well...
Morning!
Mr brittas! You're not supposed to be in today. Just
returning a leisure centre biro which I took home.
Bye.
No time for gossip,
Tim. I'm fixing the boiler.
What's wrong?
Nothing much. It's just
not working. Not working?
High tide, 2.30.
Leave at 1.45... I can
give it five minutes.
Follow me, Tim.
It's been a success. She cried when
she told me about the orphans. Good.
And when we told her how Colin
fought the drug-crazed bikers.
Julie's plaque should
really set her off.
What?
Do you have to read
that? I'm not reading it.
Some people find it offensive.
Do they?
I couldn't help noticing
this picture of mrs brittas.
What?!
"Mrs h.B. Of whitbury."
"Randy readers send saucy snaps."
It doesn't sound like mrs brittas.
Or mr brittas!
It must be a hotel. I don't
recognise the curtains.
You never know - the dark secrets
hidden behind the bedroom door.
Morning, everyone.
I've just seen a funny thing -
Colin wearing a jacket and tie!
He's got a beautiful
girl with him.
You never know. You think you know someone,
then you catch them doing something.
Then they look different!
Anything wrong?
Don't fiddle, Tim.
Right, here we are. "D3 - air
inlet flange non-operational."
"Check air draught
accelerator unit f-666-93..."
Draught accelerator.
I think that's the chimney.
Possibly.
But we'll stick
to the procedure.
This is the air inlet flange.
Wait. It says "air inlet flange."
It needs turning 40 degrees, "by adjusting the
knurled butterfly grommet in a counter-clockwise..."
It won't go. Wait
till I've finished.
"In a counter-clockwise direction
firmly." I've tried that. Let me try.
Pipe wails
obviously it's blocked.
Perhaps if I put my hand in...
I did a course on this
boiler. Leave it to the expert.
"Interruption in
air-flow - see page 34."
Howling it sounds
like an animal.
We can clear post-combustive debris with a jet of
steam. We haven't got any steam. The boiler's broken.
Well, in that case, we use the compressed
air supply by opening valve p-334.
Right, p-334...
Here.
Air hisses
funny how they always
land on their feet.
How did a cat get there?
Perhaps it's a stray. Really?
With a tag that has the leisure centre's phone
number on one side and "biggles" on the other (?)
I've a few questions
for our receptionist.
Don't worry, I'll find him.
Remember it's Colin. Don't panic him.
I'll just say mr
brittas is here.
And if they meet, his daughter will despise him
and his life will be in ruins! Leave it to me!
Oh, god!
I can't believe this.
I can't believe this is
happening. I feel so cheap!
Yes, well... I mean, how
could he do this to me?
He didn't tell you? What?
That he was sending in the photo.
No. He doesn't know where I live.
So it wasn't mr brittas?
Gordon? Good lord, no.
I was just someone
I met years ago.
Before you were married?
Quite possibly!
I can't bear it, Laura.
It's so humiliating.
Look, the staff
won't tell anyone.
It's not the staff. This
is read everywhere!
I keep thinking of the millions of
people just staring at my body, and...
Mind you, it's not a bad photo.
I suppose not. I had
something worth looking at, then.
You have to get
rid of this! Why?
If mr brittas saw it, wouldn't he
be upset? I never thought of that.
He's black with white paws
and I wondered if he was there.
Thank you.
Carole? Yes, mr brittas? Have
you been keeping a cat behind here?
Cat? No. What's this?
Ben's lunch.
Mmm!
My word, that's
good - very tasty.
So that's not cat food?
No.
It's not. And I suppose you'll
tell me that is not a cat litter tray.
Ben's sandpit?
It's just for Ben to
play with his diggers...
Someone left a toffee there.
I'll ask you once more.
Is this animal yours?
It's... a kitten.
So you've seen him before,
then? No. I just knew it was a kitten!
One of the principles of my life,
and I may have mentioned it before,
is that the best
virtue is honesty.
Yes.
So many only tell the
truth when it suits them.
And it's ok to tell lies to get
out of trouble, but it never works.
Doesn't it? Never, Carole.
Well, back to
the boiler for you.
Mr brittas? Yes? What
will you do with him?
If you'd said he was yours, I would have
returned him, but as he's not - who knows!
Yes, mr brittas.
"This plaque is erected in honour
of Colin weatherby, centre manager,
"for his bravery in rescuing 33
schoolgirls from drowning in this pool."
You never told
me about this. No.
It didn't seem important.
Oh, dad! I'm so glad
I made this journey.
So am I, pet. Mr weatherby?
Yes, Julie? Mrs brittas
is in the staffroom.
I am rather tied
up right now, Julie.
She's come with her
husband - mr brittas!
Excuse me for a moment, please.
Mr brittas is here? Where? He
could be anywhere. Is that him?
My mistake.
What will I do? Now might be a good
time to show her the playing fields.
Gavin. Yes?
Will you do
something for us? Yes.
Get rid of this
magazine, please.
Right.
It has to be destroyed.
Burnt.
I see.
"Re-ignition - chapter ten."
You stick a match in here.
"First insert ignition wand into aperture
b450..." What's an ignition wand?
We normally use
matches. Thanks, Tim.
"While simultaneously
pressing the starter assist."
I'm doing that. Right.
Hissing noise
Er, Gavin? Mr brittas!
Were you putting unsuitable
waste into the boiler? No, mr brittas.
This furnace burns anthracite
nuts at a very precise temperature.
As I pointed out last week, other
combustibles can disturb its balance.
What have you got
there? Nothing, mr brittas.
Come on, Gavin.
Ah-ha!
It's a dirty magazine!
Came down for a little read?
That's disgusting!
I'm dealing with this.
Do you buy this sort of thing?
No, mr brittas. I sort of found it.
Don't try to weasel out
of it! We need to talk.
Upstairs, please,
in my office, now.
You should be ashamed
of yourself. All right, Tim.
Colin's pretending to be manager?
Yes, so get mr brittas out of here.
It seems to solve most
problems, doesn't it?
Do you know where Gordon is?
He's in his office.
Why is he up there?
It's rather upsetting.
He found Gavin in the boiler
room with one of those... Magazines.
He what?!
I was surprised, too. Oh, god!
Tricky!
Strictly speaking, what you've
done is neither illegal, nor criminal.
But we may ask if your behaviour
is the sign of healthy morals.
He only thinks about
his own pleasure!
You must remember, Gavin,
that every face you see in
this magazine is a person -
someone's daughter, or
girlfriend... Even someone's wife!
Yes.
How would you feel if
your girlfriend was here?
-He doesn't care!
-That's not fair!
Isn't it?
How would you like it? Tim!
There's a simple
explanation. Let's hear it.
I was just taking
the magazine to...
Yes?
I'm very sorry. I
shouldn't have done it.
There's no excuse,
is there, Gavin? No.
You like pictures
of naked girls.
Yes!
You are despicable!
Tim, thank you!
Not now, my darling.
Is everything all right?
Yes. Really?
I've just been explaining to Gavin why
magazines like this are fit only for the bin.
Good! We'll leave
you to it. If you would.
Now you've told the
truth, shall we move on?
Yes.
We must examine the motives for that behaviour
and find out why some find it unacceptable.
I think what we need
is a greater realisation
of what is going on around us...
What is going on here?
Brittas whistles
Well.
I'm still waiting.
Let's start with why
there is, on my wall,
a photo of Colin shaking
hands with the duchess of Kent!
I think that was an incident
most of us would rather forget!
Anyone?
All I want is the truth. I
think I'm entitled to that.
Ok, I'll tell you.
Thank you.
A lot of us worry about Colin
and his lack of self-confidence.
We rang a radio phone-in and they thought that
role-playing an important position might help.
So we used your office. We knew it
was wrong and we should have asked.
We did it because
we wanted to help.
Because we care!
That's it?
All: Yes.
You wanted to help?
Ah-hh-hh-hh...
Why do people do this? Where do they
get the idea that telling lies will help?
I keep saying it never works!
Will somebody please
tell me the truth?
We have all day.
That was close!
I've left her outside, but I've got
to get her luggage from his office.
I can't do that until
I'm sure he's gone.
Has he gone?
Not yet, Colin. No.
Loud crash
if someone could put him
back on his chair, please.
Don't you dare
faint on me again.
There you are, Gordon. All set?
Bring him in. On the sofa, please.
Gordon? Just a disciplinary matter to
be settled. Wait outside, will you? Right.
Julie? Two
doughnuts for my wife.
Colin.
Do you realise this
is a serious offence?
I shouldn't have done it.
Impersonating the centre manager!
Is it that serious? They shoot you
in the army for something like that.
No more than I deserve.
He's done no harm. No harm?
He lied to his daughter!
He didn't want to hurt her.
That's how it starts. You think
lies will make things easier.
You tell the police you don't know what speed
you were doing. You keep the 10p you found.
Next, you're taking
paperclips from work!
I've let you down. You've been foolish.
Foolish doesn't begin to describe it.
I've been selfish. And you're just trying
to enjoy yourself after all your hard work.
Am I interrupting? Who
are you? This is Stephanie,
Colin's daughter. You must be
Gordon. Sorry? Dad told me about you.
He told quite a
few stories today!
He says the place would
crumble without you.
Does he?
You gave him the
idea about the dream.
I thought it was the
most exciting idea ever.
Yes?
It sorted out what
I'll do with my life!
And that is?
I want to work in leisure centres. I
want to dedicate the rest of my life
to bringing people
together through sport.
Well.
I wish there were more like you.
It's like dad wrote to me - "it's not
what your leisure centre can do for you,
"rather, what you can
do for your leisure centre."
Gordon.
What's he like as a boss? Stephanie,
mr brittas doesn't work for me.
No? No. No.
That's right.
We have a motto at
this centre, Stephanie.
None of us actually work for
the manager. We all work for...
..The team.
That's very kind
of you to say so,
Gordon.
That's quite all
right... Mr weatherby.
It's been wonderful meeting you
all. Bye, Laura. Bye, Stephanie.
Bye, Gordon.
You'd better watch him!
He'll be after your job next!
Will you be ok? Yes, mr weatherby.
You can ring me at the station.
Don't push it, Colin. May I say
how grateful... get in the car, Colin.
We've learnt an important
lesson today. Have we?
One worth remembering.
The happiness of others outweighs
the slavish adherence to the truth.
I must remember that!
Now I just have something small
and furry to return to its owner.
Nearly there.
Where's he going now? He's
going to give the cat to Carole.
Good.
Would you mind looking
after the picture for me? What?
I couldn't destroy it, I've done so little in
life. I want something to show my grandchildren.
I see. So, if you
look after it...
Gordon!!
Colin!
No-one's asked
for me at all? No.
Colin, what's happened? You
look... I'll be in the staffroom. Ok?
Of course.
You wouldn't believe
it. Sorry, Gavin?
The things people leave -
some dentures, a bowie knife,
a bottle of milk of
magnesia and this!
All from the saga outing!
I'll get the lost property book.
This is... Lunch, is it? Sorry?
For the children?
No! That's for biggles!
I've got Ben a kitten. Children
should grow up with animals.
Yes... Are they in
the same cupboard?
No! That didn't work.
He has two drawers.
One is for his business tray.
It's cat food?
Yes!
Ben's bowl is over here. Right.
Lost property book?
Thanks.
Ok, Benny. Here's your lunch.
No.
I think it's this...
Excuse me. How may I help you?
I'm here to see the
manager. He's not in today.
No?
He's away sailing. He
didn't say that this morning.
I'll check.
I'll deal with this.
Let's have coffee in my office.
It's done it again. Sorry, Laura?
It's the boiler. What is it now?
According to the £10,000 electronic
display unit, the problem appears to be d3!
I'd better get Colin to look at it.
He's just gone upstairs with a girl.
A girl? It's all
rather mysterious.
How do you mean? He's
not like he normally is.
He's sort of... Clean.
And the smell's gone.
This sounds like a case for the
three Marys! So he's in his office?
Yes.
He doesn't have an office.
No.
I wondered about that.
Loud laughter
yes? Everything ok? Yes.
Can we talk?
What? It's important.
Can it wait? No.
No. No, right.
So, what's the problem?
Hi! Hello.
What can I do for you? It's
the boiler again, I'm afraid.
You understand it, so I
wondered if you would...
..Have a look at it!
Let's get down there
and see what we can do.
Laura? I'll stay
here, I think. Really?
Someone has to see to
your visitor, mr weatherby.
Yes.
Yes.
Of course.
Laura. Stephanie.
And you're from?
Hobart, tasmania.
Here for two weeks.
How do you find whitbury? Fantastic,
Laura, but this is what I came for.
Is it?
I thought I'd miss seeing the centre, with
all the security for the olympic trials.
Oh, those (!)
Then, the day I'm due to fly home, he says I
can see his office! It's a big moment for me.
And for me, too.
It's just how he described in his letters
his desk, the sofa where he thinks.
The photo of him with
the duchess of Kent.
So he is!
You can't know what this means to me, Laura - quite
apart from the emotion of meeting dad for the first time.
Dad?
I suppose it's a feeling
of... Coming home.
Right.
Look! These must be the books he's
written. I suppose you've read them all.
Yes...
Would you excuse me? I
must ask your father something.
Colin, what the hell is going on?
I'm sorry. She's your daughter? Yes.
She seems to think you're in charge.
I never expected her to come here.
I just wanted her to think her dad
had done something with his life.
Have you told her
you're the manager? Yes.
How were you going
to do it? I don't know.
You can't do this
without the staff.
I didn't want to tell them.
They'd have laughed.
Laughed?
Why would they laugh?
Maybe they would,
but they could still help.
Colin has a daughter?
I didn't know he was married.
He's not - he once had a brief affair.
Very brief - 8.30 to 8.40! Shortly
afterwards, she went to Australia.
Colin's never seen her?
But he writes to her. He
said he's the manager? Yes.
So we should treat him as we would mr
brittas. Completely differently in your case!
In his letters, he said things about himself
that, strictly speaking, aren't true.
Like what? Apart from
managing the centre,
he's trained the British ice
figure-skating champions.
He's presented a regular
spot on breakfast TV.
And he's written several
thrillers under a pseudonym!
-Didn't she think it was odd?
-She's an Australian!
Stephanie thinks he's wonderful
and I think it would be really nice
if she went back still believing it.
So we have to make her think he's
the manager and a super-hero as well?
Yes. It's not going
to be easy. No.
Any suggestions?
Changing rooms. Notice
board - horizontal, parallel.
Squash courts... mr weatherby!
I just wanted to tell you my mother
says thank you. Your mother?
He forgot!
He gave my old mum
£500 for a cataract operation.
It's wonderful - she can
see again! He's a Saint.
Dad!
Morning. Linda.
Everything all right?
Couldn't be better!
This is the junior
orphans' group.
Really?
They can't afford to swim.
Your father pays for them.
They're all rather fond of him.
Come on, orphans - three
cheers for mr weatherby.
Hip-hip. Hooray!
Hip-hip. Hooray!
Two minutes, my darling.
Puss, puss?
Ben, have you seen biggles?
Have you seen Colin?
Sorry? I'm waiting for him.
You've not heard? What?
Well...
Morning!
Mr brittas! You're not supposed to be in today. Just
returning a leisure centre biro which I took home.
Bye.
No time for gossip,
Tim. I'm fixing the boiler.
What's wrong?
Nothing much. It's just
not working. Not working?
High tide, 2.30.
Leave at 1.45... I can
give it five minutes.
Follow me, Tim.
It's been a success. She cried when
she told me about the orphans. Good.
And when we told her how Colin
fought the drug-crazed bikers.
Julie's plaque should
really set her off.
What?
Do you have to read
that? I'm not reading it.
Some people find it offensive.
Do they?
I couldn't help noticing
this picture of mrs brittas.
What?!
"Mrs h.B. Of whitbury."
"Randy readers send saucy snaps."
It doesn't sound like mrs brittas.
Or mr brittas!
It must be a hotel. I don't
recognise the curtains.
You never know - the dark secrets
hidden behind the bedroom door.
Morning, everyone.
I've just seen a funny thing -
Colin wearing a jacket and tie!
He's got a beautiful
girl with him.
You never know. You think you know someone,
then you catch them doing something.
Then they look different!
Anything wrong?
Don't fiddle, Tim.
Right, here we are. "D3 - air
inlet flange non-operational."
"Check air draught
accelerator unit f-666-93..."
Draught accelerator.
I think that's the chimney.
Possibly.
But we'll stick
to the procedure.
This is the air inlet flange.
Wait. It says "air inlet flange."
It needs turning 40 degrees, "by adjusting the
knurled butterfly grommet in a counter-clockwise..."
It won't go. Wait
till I've finished.
"In a counter-clockwise direction
firmly." I've tried that. Let me try.
Pipe wails
obviously it's blocked.
Perhaps if I put my hand in...
I did a course on this
boiler. Leave it to the expert.
"Interruption in
air-flow - see page 34."
Howling it sounds
like an animal.
We can clear post-combustive debris with a jet of
steam. We haven't got any steam. The boiler's broken.
Well, in that case, we use the compressed
air supply by opening valve p-334.
Right, p-334...
Here.
Air hisses
funny how they always
land on their feet.
How did a cat get there?
Perhaps it's a stray. Really?
With a tag that has the leisure centre's phone
number on one side and "biggles" on the other (?)
I've a few questions
for our receptionist.
Don't worry, I'll find him.
Remember it's Colin. Don't panic him.
I'll just say mr
brittas is here.
And if they meet, his daughter will despise him
and his life will be in ruins! Leave it to me!
Oh, god!
I can't believe this.
I can't believe this is
happening. I feel so cheap!
Yes, well... I mean, how
could he do this to me?
He didn't tell you? What?
That he was sending in the photo.
No. He doesn't know where I live.
So it wasn't mr brittas?
Gordon? Good lord, no.
I was just someone
I met years ago.
Before you were married?
Quite possibly!
I can't bear it, Laura.
It's so humiliating.
Look, the staff
won't tell anyone.
It's not the staff. This
is read everywhere!
I keep thinking of the millions of
people just staring at my body, and...
Mind you, it's not a bad photo.
I suppose not. I had
something worth looking at, then.
You have to get
rid of this! Why?
If mr brittas saw it, wouldn't he
be upset? I never thought of that.
He's black with white paws
and I wondered if he was there.
Thank you.
Carole? Yes, mr brittas? Have
you been keeping a cat behind here?
Cat? No. What's this?
Ben's lunch.
Mmm!
My word, that's
good - very tasty.
So that's not cat food?
No.
It's not. And I suppose you'll
tell me that is not a cat litter tray.
Ben's sandpit?
It's just for Ben to
play with his diggers...
Someone left a toffee there.
I'll ask you once more.
Is this animal yours?
It's... a kitten.
So you've seen him before,
then? No. I just knew it was a kitten!
One of the principles of my life,
and I may have mentioned it before,
is that the best
virtue is honesty.
Yes.
So many only tell the
truth when it suits them.
And it's ok to tell lies to get
out of trouble, but it never works.
Doesn't it? Never, Carole.
Well, back to
the boiler for you.
Mr brittas? Yes? What
will you do with him?
If you'd said he was yours, I would have
returned him, but as he's not - who knows!
Yes, mr brittas.
"This plaque is erected in honour
of Colin weatherby, centre manager,
"for his bravery in rescuing 33
schoolgirls from drowning in this pool."
You never told
me about this. No.
It didn't seem important.
Oh, dad! I'm so glad
I made this journey.
So am I, pet. Mr weatherby?
Yes, Julie? Mrs brittas
is in the staffroom.
I am rather tied
up right now, Julie.
She's come with her
husband - mr brittas!
Excuse me for a moment, please.
Mr brittas is here? Where? He
could be anywhere. Is that him?
My mistake.
What will I do? Now might be a good
time to show her the playing fields.
Gavin. Yes?
Will you do
something for us? Yes.
Get rid of this
magazine, please.
Right.
It has to be destroyed.
Burnt.
I see.
"Re-ignition - chapter ten."
You stick a match in here.
"First insert ignition wand into aperture
b450..." What's an ignition wand?
We normally use
matches. Thanks, Tim.
"While simultaneously
pressing the starter assist."
I'm doing that. Right.
Hissing noise
Er, Gavin? Mr brittas!
Were you putting unsuitable
waste into the boiler? No, mr brittas.
This furnace burns anthracite
nuts at a very precise temperature.
As I pointed out last week, other
combustibles can disturb its balance.
What have you got
there? Nothing, mr brittas.
Come on, Gavin.
Ah-ha!
It's a dirty magazine!
Came down for a little read?
That's disgusting!
I'm dealing with this.
Do you buy this sort of thing?
No, mr brittas. I sort of found it.
Don't try to weasel out
of it! We need to talk.
Upstairs, please,
in my office, now.
You should be ashamed
of yourself. All right, Tim.
Colin's pretending to be manager?
Yes, so get mr brittas out of here.
It seems to solve most
problems, doesn't it?
Do you know where Gordon is?
He's in his office.
Why is he up there?
It's rather upsetting.
He found Gavin in the boiler
room with one of those... Magazines.
He what?!
I was surprised, too. Oh, god!
Tricky!
Strictly speaking, what you've
done is neither illegal, nor criminal.
But we may ask if your behaviour
is the sign of healthy morals.
He only thinks about
his own pleasure!
You must remember, Gavin,
that every face you see in
this magazine is a person -
someone's daughter, or
girlfriend... Even someone's wife!
Yes.
How would you feel if
your girlfriend was here?
-He doesn't care!
-That's not fair!
Isn't it?
How would you like it? Tim!
There's a simple
explanation. Let's hear it.
I was just taking
the magazine to...
Yes?
I'm very sorry. I
shouldn't have done it.
There's no excuse,
is there, Gavin? No.
You like pictures
of naked girls.
Yes!
You are despicable!
Tim, thank you!
Not now, my darling.
Is everything all right?
Yes. Really?
I've just been explaining to Gavin why
magazines like this are fit only for the bin.
Good! We'll leave
you to it. If you would.
Now you've told the
truth, shall we move on?
Yes.
We must examine the motives for that behaviour
and find out why some find it unacceptable.
I think what we need
is a greater realisation
of what is going on around us...
What is going on here?
Brittas whistles
Well.
I'm still waiting.
Let's start with why
there is, on my wall,
a photo of Colin shaking
hands with the duchess of Kent!
I think that was an incident
most of us would rather forget!
Anyone?
All I want is the truth. I
think I'm entitled to that.
Ok, I'll tell you.
Thank you.
A lot of us worry about Colin
and his lack of self-confidence.
We rang a radio phone-in and they thought that
role-playing an important position might help.
So we used your office. We knew it
was wrong and we should have asked.
We did it because
we wanted to help.
Because we care!
That's it?
All: Yes.
You wanted to help?
Ah-hh-hh-hh...
Why do people do this? Where do they
get the idea that telling lies will help?
I keep saying it never works!
Will somebody please
tell me the truth?
We have all day.
That was close!
I've left her outside, but I've got
to get her luggage from his office.
I can't do that until
I'm sure he's gone.
Has he gone?
Not yet, Colin. No.
Loud crash
if someone could put him
back on his chair, please.
Don't you dare
faint on me again.
There you are, Gordon. All set?
Bring him in. On the sofa, please.
Gordon? Just a disciplinary matter to
be settled. Wait outside, will you? Right.
Julie? Two
doughnuts for my wife.
Colin.
Do you realise this
is a serious offence?
I shouldn't have done it.
Impersonating the centre manager!
Is it that serious? They shoot you
in the army for something like that.
No more than I deserve.
He's done no harm. No harm?
He lied to his daughter!
He didn't want to hurt her.
That's how it starts. You think
lies will make things easier.
You tell the police you don't know what speed
you were doing. You keep the 10p you found.
Next, you're taking
paperclips from work!
I've let you down. You've been foolish.
Foolish doesn't begin to describe it.
I've been selfish. And you're just trying
to enjoy yourself after all your hard work.
Am I interrupting? Who
are you? This is Stephanie,
Colin's daughter. You must be
Gordon. Sorry? Dad told me about you.
He told quite a
few stories today!
He says the place would
crumble without you.
Does he?
You gave him the
idea about the dream.
I thought it was the
most exciting idea ever.
Yes?
It sorted out what
I'll do with my life!
And that is?
I want to work in leisure centres. I
want to dedicate the rest of my life
to bringing people
together through sport.
Well.
I wish there were more like you.
It's like dad wrote to me - "it's not
what your leisure centre can do for you,
"rather, what you can
do for your leisure centre."
Gordon.
What's he like as a boss? Stephanie,
mr brittas doesn't work for me.
No? No. No.
That's right.
We have a motto at
this centre, Stephanie.
None of us actually work for
the manager. We all work for...
..The team.
That's very kind
of you to say so,
Gordon.
That's quite all
right... Mr weatherby.
It's been wonderful meeting you
all. Bye, Laura. Bye, Stephanie.
Bye, Gordon.
You'd better watch him!
He'll be after your job next!
Will you be ok? Yes, mr weatherby.
You can ring me at the station.
Don't push it, Colin. May I say
how grateful... get in the car, Colin.
We've learnt an important
lesson today. Have we?
One worth remembering.
The happiness of others outweighs
the slavish adherence to the truth.
I must remember that!
Now I just have something small
and furry to return to its owner.
Nearly there.
Where's he going now? He's
going to give the cat to Carole.
Good.
Would you mind looking
after the picture for me? What?
I couldn't destroy it, I've done so little in
life. I want something to show my grandchildren.
I see. So, if you
look after it...
Gordon!!