The Bradshaw Bunch (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Mr. Wrong - full transcript
Lacey and Noah consider moving back to Texas while Rachel is with the wrong guy and everyone in the family can see it but her.
[uplifting music]
- You and me
have gotta get even with Gigi
'cause she's always
pulling pranks on me.
- Boo.
- Ah!
[singing operatically] Ah, ah!
- Good morning!
- Tammy!
[car horn honks]
- [cackles]
- You're gonna kill me.
- We could put baby powder
in her blow dryer.
- I don't know about that.
- I have another idea.
- What?
- We could replace
her chocolate ice cream
with refried beans.
- Oh, that would be funny
'cause it looks just like
chocolate ice cream.
It's gonna take both of us
to outsmart the master.
50/50, me and you.
- More like 80/20.
[dramatic musical sting]
- [maniacal laughter]
- [gasps] I want to eat that.
- Shh, do you hear Gigi?
- Yes.
- Where is she?
- Right there.
- Tell Gerald I want to know
if the horses were taken
to the show this weekend.
- She's going in the other room.
- Yeah, that sounds good.
- All right.
All right, good.
[giggles]
[chanting] Beans are good
for your heart.
The more you eat,
the more you fart.
- Is that supposed
to be good for you?
- [chuckles]
Here.
- Hey, what are you guys doing?
- Oh, she wanted some ice cream.
- You wanna get some?
- I'd like some in a little bit.
- Okay.
- All right.
- [snorts] She's history.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[funky music]
- ♪ Feisty, feisty,
yeah, we feisty ♪
♪ Feisty, feisty ♪
- Wow, nice.
- Cute.
- ♪ On this icy,
yeah, we do that mighty ♪
- Hi, ladies. both: Hi.
- This is amazing.
- We go to a lot of functions
as a family,
so I thought it'd be fun
to go and try on some dresses.
- I'm gonna try all of them on,
every one of them.
You think that'll be annoying?
- No, I think that's great.
It's fun to try on dresses
and just like...
- Be pretty.
- [laughs]
[exciting music]
[both gasp] Ooh.
- I love that.
- I freaking love that.
That's gorgeous.
Ooh, that's pretty. - Oh, wow.
That's different. It's cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. For sure.
Put that crown on back there.
[laughter]
- [gasps] Oh, my gosh!
- That looks heavy.
- Oh!
- Hello, ladies.
- Wow, that's really nice.
Oh, you look so fancy!
- I love it.
Absolutely stunning. Oh, my God.
Look at this one, guys. [gasps]
And I could wear this
for my reception.
- She's planning a wedding.
- I'm so glad we came.
- I didn't even know
they had wedding dresses here.
I feel like this is dangerous.
I mean, she doesn't even
have a ring yet.
I feel like she needs
to just chill.
- I'm gonna go ahead
and assume that Rachel knew
they had wedding dresses there.
- You think?
- Are you dating?
- Yes.
- Oh.
So you can tell if he's the one?
- Yes, he's for sure the one.
- Let me show you this one.
- [gasps]
Yeah, like I am obsessed.
Yes, yes.
- I think you should try it on
just for fun.
- I can't with that dress.
If you get married, you have
to get married in that dress.
And if not, I'll wear it.
- I know I'm jumping the gun
a little,
but Dustin and I are
gonna be together forever,
and that's what we talk about.
So why not buy the dress first?
I'm non-traditional.
[elegant music]
- Oh, my gosh!
- [screams]
[gasps] - That's gorgeous.
- I've never seen
a wedding dress like that ever.
- Oh, love it.
- Aw, God, I'm obsessed.
[sighs]
- And that dress is beautiful,
but I will say that Rachel
is jumping the gun.
- She wants to say yes.
- She wants to say yes
to that dress so bad.
[giggles]
- Guys, I think
this would be the one.
- We just need the ring.
- Yup.
- If Dustin knew what
we were doing right now,
he would literally think
we're psychos.
[melancholic music]
♪ ♪
- All right, gang,
where are we going exactly?
- So Rachel just texted
the address.
We're gonna go
to this open house.
Rachel's a real estate agent,
which is great for us
because we're looking
for a house.
- But nobody in their right mind
would pick Texas over Hawaii.
- There's just a lot of things
to talk about, and that's fine.
We'll call our therapist
and talk this over.
[both laugh]
- What do you have
against Texas anyway?
- Well, besides the heat,
snakes.
- I don't blame you
on the snakes.
I hate snakes.
- Wait, weren't you born
in Texas?
- I was, but we evacuated
right away.
- There's Rachel's car.
This is it.
- Maybe we could slow down
a little bit.
Oh, God. - [cackles]
- Whew, made it. Nice.
- Hi!
- Holy cow.
- You really found a good one.
- Hi.
- I want you here all the time,
so we have gotta make a plan
that we can get your dad here.
- Oh, I know one plan.
- What?
- Build your house
out of licorice.
- I can bribe him
with licorice, okay...
- And beer.
- [cackles]
[rock music]
- Look at the chandeliers.
- This is nice.
- It's great.
- You like it?
- This is where you work out.
- Pappy. That is too heavy.
- Show Pappy your push-ups.
One, two. Look at that form.
- Nice job.
- I found my room!
- The master.
- I think that's our room.
It's beautiful.
- Rachel, this is not
in the budget.
- Yeah, it is.
I said, "Show us the top
of our budget,
and the bottom of our budget."
This is the top.
- Noah, the only thing
to say is, "Can't afford it.
Great, babe." - Great, babe.
- Okay, do it again.
- Great, babe.
- No. [laughter]
- We can't afford it.
- I like "great, babe" better.
- Yeah, just stick to that one.
- I definitely see your point
in being here.
I just think that
the hard decision for me now
is that my whole family is
in Hawaii.
- I get it, but I've been there
for five years
with your family,
away from mine,
so what if we do
a five year, five year thing?
- Let's go back to Hawaii and
think about it for five years,
and then, we'll...
- That's not how that works.
- It's not?
- No.
It's the next chapter
in our life.
You know, I'm ready
to turn that page.
- I mean let's carry on.
- Okay. We'll keep looking.
- I'm not against it 100%.
- All right.
- Just 95.
- Okay, well, that's 5% less
than you were a week ago.
- So I'll take it.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Well, let's check out Zillow
and just see
what's around here
and the possibilities.
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
- That's pretty.
- I really like that.
- Big kitchen.
- Two ovens?
Two ovens, love it.
Oh, cool, a little
outdoor kitchen and a pool.
Let's see what the schools
look like here.
8/10, 10/10.
These are great schools!
- Yeah.
- Really good schools.
- Look right here, Noah.
- Dad, no!
No, seriously... [gasps]
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- [laughs]
This is a beautiful house.
Beautiful listing.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Don't you think this would be
a good place for Dustin and I?
- I mean...
[mischievous music]
I thought we were here
for Lacey and Noah.
Now she's talking
about her and Dustin.
- I think Rachel sees
Lacey, and Noah, and the kids,
and the family element,
and that's the way she wants
to be in the near future.
- But don't you think that's
just a little bit too fast?
- For you or her?
- You think it's too fast?
[Biscuit growls]
- Have y'all been talking
about it?
- Yeah, I mean not long ago,
we were looking
at where we would want to live,
or what kind of ring
I would want,
and kind of talking
more seriously like that.
- Hmm.
- You sound real excited.
- No, well, babe, I haven't
been around him that much.
Look, we're having a barbecue
this weekend.
Just bring him out. - Okay.
- And he's your guy.
I wanna get to know him.
- Right.
- Justin?
- Dustin.
- Dustin.
Well, she seems to be in love.
You know, she's never told us
she loves this guy.
- It's been on Instagram.
[quirky music]
- Hmm?
- [laughs]
- At this stage in my life,
I don't have a lot of time
for these guys.
- His clock is ticking.
- My life clock is ticking away!
- God, trust me.
I feel your pain.
[laughter]
- Thank you.
- You want some ice cream,
right?
- No.
- I've never seen you
turn down ice cream.
[exciting music]
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- How many world titles,
though, does he have?
- Six, seven.
- Six?
Buddy...
How 'bout my boy, Scott?
Scotty, Scotty, Scotty.
And Scott likes to fish,
and play cards,
and we like to talk horses.
I love that guy.
Scotty, Scotty, Scotty.
[both laugh]
You're coming to the barbecue?
Lacey and Noah
are gonna be there.
Rachel is bringing Dustin.
- Lucky us.
- You don't like him, do you?
- I just don't get a good read.
[Buddy whinnies]
- That's what I said!
Rachel is so gung ho
about settling down,
but I'm not sure that Dustin
is on the same page.
I got some doubts
about this guy.
- You gotta let her
live her life.
- Do I?
- Your kids aren't 12.
[both laugh] - Ah, sh...
- When it comes
to doing stuff with us...
- It's totally different.
- He doesn't put in
a lot of effort,
I don't feel like.
- Put it this way:
he always makes sure he's there
when you're there.
When you're not there...
- He doesn't put in
a lot of effort.
- It's a different story.
- Well, then,
that is the first red flag.
- Exactly.
- Yeah, I just don't see him
wanting to settle down
and get serious
with really anybody.
When you are in a family
that has a famous parent,
it's hard to weed out people
that are in it
for the good of you, not
the good of who your dad is.
- Look, I'm sweating.
- Yeah, you're overheating.
Have some water.
- Hey, thank you, babe.
This is how
a relationship should be.
- Absolutely.
- Even helping you cool off
when it's really hot.
- You're sweating.
- What?
My favorite thing in the world
is to prank Terry.
- Oh, yeah, you got that right.
- I do it good, don't I?
- Too good.
I'll get you back.
- Oh, my gosh.
[funky music]
♪ ♪
- Smells good.
- Hey, is this a beautiful day,
or what?
- Beautiful.
- Got my family here...
and you, Dustin.
[shady music] - [chuckles]
- It's been a really long time
since I felt this way
for somebody,
so that's why it means
so much me
that my family really love him.
- Are y'all making
Bradshaw beans?
- Dustin's gonna be
the newest Bradshaw boy.
He's gotta learn how
to make the beans, right?
- In the Bradshaw house,
you gotta earn your keep.
- Hot, hot. Very hot.
Hey, Dustin, wanna give me
a hand with these beans?
- He is not even listening.
- Don't worry about my back.
I can handle it.
Do you really think that
Rachel loves this guy?
- Yeah?
- He's always smiling.
Got that... he have the big,
old bucky-doodle smile.
- That drives me crazy.
- Yeah, it drives me nuts too.
You might wanna watch that guy.
Always helping out,
aren't you, bub?
- Gotta earn my keep.
- Unlike some people
around here.
- Is he still
not doing anything?
- He's just sitting.
- Noah, you and I
did all the cooking.
I know one thing. - [groans]
- He's my man, right here.
- Oh, thanks, man.
You keep saying
sweet stuff like that,
and you might be
my favorite father-in-law.
- I'm pretty sure
he's your only...
[laughter]
- "Favorite father-in-law."
- If Noah, and Lacey,
and the grandkids,
they move to Texas,
we'll barbecue every weekend.
It's a chef dream
to have that barbecue pit,
and it's my dream
to have my own chef.
It's a perfect situation.
- Perfect.
Let's have some ice cream.
- Whoo!
Oh, perfect.
- Gigi's always
pulling pranks on me.
- Replace her chocolate
ice cream with refried beans.
- All right. And here we go.
- For you.
- Thank you, thank you.
- You want some ice cream,
right?
- No, no.
- Chocolate ice cream
on a hot day.
- Yeah.
- That sounds so good.
- I've never seen you
turn down ice cream.
- Just not in the...
- Are you sure there's
not something else?
- I like ice cream
later in the evening.
- Something else you might've
been thinking about?
- No, no.
- Maybe refried beans?
- No, bean... no.
I don't even... what
you're talking about.
- It's gonna take
a lot more work
to get something past me
than that.
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Take your glasses off.
Now tell me you don't know
what I'm talking about.
[laughter]
- You made Gigi mad
with the ice cream.
- I know.
- Now she's gonna prank you
even more.
- I know.
- Gigi's the prank master.
- I guarantee you,
I'll get you one day.
- We'll see. [laughter]
[pop music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, what's the name
of this bull?
- Bodacious.
- Whoa. Whoa!
Whoa, boy. Easy.
Hold it! Got it.
[laughter]
He's... he needs more air.
He's too soft.
- Is that the problem?
[laughter]
- My gosh.
[funky music]
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Check out the beans.
- I saw you burnt
this one, though.
- Oh, so that's how this is.
[both laugh]
I got it.
Man, this look good.
- Y'all prepared a salad?
- Chicken.
- Family, love you all.
Not you, Dustin. all: Cheers.
- "Smiley."
That's probably
gonna be my nickname for him.
What's his last name? - Hughes.
- Smiley Hughes.
- There you go.
- [laughs]
That's actually a good name.
- I'll cheers myself.
[forced laughter]
[country music]
♪ ♪
- You go on dating apps?
- It's just fun to swipe.
- What? You swipe them?
- Dad...
- Did you meet him off this app?
- Actually...
- [screams, cackles]
[funky country music]
- TB here.
We're at the Bradshaw ranch
with... hey... [squeaks]
Hey. - What is that?
[laughs] - It's you.
♪ ♪
- Snoop! Hey, buddy.
- Hee-haw. Hee-haw.
- Look what I got.
You want a carrot, huh?
Hey!
- Watch out
for the donkey bites.
- Dadgummit.
- How do you think
it's going today?
How do you think Dustin's doing?
- He's all right, I guess.
It isn't whether
I like him or not.
It's whether you like him...
- I don't know.
It's like it's safe.
- Safe?
- Yeah.
- I never heard anybody say
they date somebody
'cause it's safe.
- I think safe is just like...
I mean I'm 32.
I'm ready to get married.
- Is he the one, you think?
- I think so.
- Wow.
She's crazy about this guy,
but I see
more of her running to him
than him running to her.
- Maybe he's just a little
overwhelmed by all of this,
walking into this...
- Family.
- Bradshaw world.
The world of Terry Bradshaw.
[giggles] - Oh, my gosh.
Are you part
of the Bradshaw Bunch, sugar?
Yes, you are, you little buddy.
- [laughs]
- I've erased my dating apps.
- Dating apps?
- Yeah.
- You go on dating apps?
- Yeah, it's just fun to swipe.
- What? You swipe them?
- Dad! Yes.
- Did you meet him off this app?
- Actually...
- Oh, my God.
- He contacted... no, get this.
- Ugh!
- So he finds me.
He knew who I was,
so he messaged Erin,
and was like, "I really wanna
get to know your sister."
But she already went to college
with him, so she knew him.
So it was safe.
- So you put all
your qualifications
and what you're looking for?
- Well, you can actually
pay extra to like...
- You pay? [screams, cackles]
God, Rachel.
What is wrong with you?
- I know.
- I gotta go get a drink.
- [laughs] Me too.
- Listen, baby.
I love you more
than anything in the world,
and nothing that
wouldn't honor me more
than to walk you down the aisle.
I want that for you 'cause
I know how bad you want it.
- Yeah.
- And if it doesn't work out,
then I'll be there for you
with ice cream and tequila.
- Perfect.
- Okay?
- Okay.
I love you, Dad. - I love you.
[hip-hop beats]
[dog yapping]
♪ ♪
Pretty cool, isn't it?
- What's that?
- Having all them here.
We're blessed.
Truly blessed.
I love you.
Seeing Rachel and Dustin today,
looking all cute and happy
and everything...
Maybe I was wrong.
- Wrong? Did you say wrong?
- Ah, maybe I was wrong.
- Maybe.
- Maybe.
- Should we get up and
walk off into the sunset now?
[giggles]
Oh, my God! - Oh, what?
What? Sh...!
Oh, sh...! Sh...!
(BLEEP). - What's the matter?
- That is not funny.
[laughter] Got me.
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- It's so pretty. [Lily barks]
- Lily, get back.
- Shh.
Dad messes with you a lot.
- He does.
- So Dad's got a circle,
and he only keeps
certain people in the circle.
It takes a lot of time
and a lot of energy
to get in the circle.
Once you're in, though,
you're there for life.
- [clears throat]
- Once you're in the circle,
then other things can happen!
Yay! - Like what?
- Like other things.
- More serious things. [giggles]
- Oh, my God.
[uplifting music]
- Last night,
we were underneath,
like, the best sunset ever.
It was romantic, and I was like,
"I'm just ready to take the
next step in our relationship.
We can talk about other things."
And he goes, "Oh, explain.
What other things?"
We've been together
a year and a half.
Like, I don't know...
Living together,
maybe getting married,
maybe having children.
- Is there, like,
any part of you that's like,
"Well, maybe this is,
like, a red flag?"
Just, like, moving forward
in general?
- Yup, and it's
really depressing.
I expect a lot,
and I deserve way better.
- Dustin bought you fake
flowers for Valentine's Day.
- That's true.
- Like, you...
- That's pretty bad.
I thought they were real
for, like, a week.
- You buy me fake flowers,
and I will skin you
and wear you like a fur.
Like, I would literally...
- I thought they were real.
I'm like, "These are
the most beautiful tropical"...
- I would geld you.
I'm gonna dig him a grave
and put him a big old stack
of fake blue bonnets on him.
- [gasps dramatically] Erin.
- [laughing] Like... sorry.
[laughter]
- I'll never forget the time
I was trying
to date Elizabeth Taylor.
One heartbreak after another.
- Isn't she dead? [both laugh]
[solemn music]
♪ ♪
- Dustin is kind of ignoring
me the past couple days,
and I need to talk to him.
I just do not have
a good feeling.
Hello?
Dustin, like, you know
what I want.
I've told you...
I've been honest upfront.
I wanna get married.
I want kids.
We've talked about it, though,
so all of a sudden,
now you don't want
any of those things.
Clearly not with me, so...
You're 32 years old,
and you can't...
Like, you don't know
what you want?
We were looking here at houses,
like, three months ago,
and now you're, like,
just over it?
It's so messed up.
[sniffles]
[sparse piano music]
[cows moo]
♪ ♪
Hey. - Hey.
Talk to me.
What happened?
- Last night,
Dustin broke up with me.
We had a conversation,
and everything that he said
was just questioning
what he wants.
And the past three months,
I just felt like
he was being a little distant.
Just weren't on the same page.
We're on different timelines.
He's just not there.
Like, he's not even close
to being where I wanna be.
I just tried on wedding
dresses, and I really thought,
"Oh, my God, I love him.
Oh, my God, he is the one."
And then, what a joke.
Like, seriously, what a joke.
- Baby, I'm sorry
it didn't work out.
I'm just wanting
to make sure you're okay.
- I mean, I'm disappointed
and I just feel like
I wasted a year and a half...
- No, no, no. You're not wasted.
There's no such thing
as wasted years
because you put your effort
into someone
that you thought
was the real deal,
so it's not wasted years.
What you just accumulated
was heartfelt knowledge.
It's easy for me to say,
but I've had more women
break up with me
than I ever thought
about breaking up with them.
And I'm gonna tell you,
it's a slam to your ego.
I'll never forget the time
I was trying
to date Elizabeth Taylor.
It was... one heartbreak
after another.
- Isn't she dead? [both laugh]
- Rachel is very much like me.
She falls hard, she falls fast,
and she commits everything
she has to a relationship.
She deserves to be in love,
and she deserves to move to
that next phase of her life.
Good riddance, Dustin.
See you later, bub.
[punctuating piano riff]
- Tequila and ice cream.
[laughter]
- ♪ Tequila ♪
both: ♪ And ice cream ♪
- ♪ They just seem right,
it seems ♪
both: ♪ Tequila ♪
♪ And ice cream ♪
[both laugh]
- Mm... ew, Dad, what's wrong
with your ice cream?
- Next time on
"The Bradshaw Bunch."
- I've been invited to
open up a new USO.
So we're all going
to Washington DC.
- Washington trip!
- Just me and the girls.
- I don't know.
I don't really want to go.
- My plan is to get Rachel
over that Dustin guy.
I mean, around all those
good lookin' Marines.
- The best way to get over one
is to get under one.
- What?!
The drill instructor
is gonna welcome us
in true military style.
- Hey, let's go. Get over here.
- Yes, sir!
- Answer, answer!
- What did I tell you not to do?
- Today?
- Yes, because of coronavirus?
You gotta... wait, you gotta...
No, that's not enough.
You gotta just keep rubbing.
- Hi!
I'm so excited for this date.
I'm sure Rachel would prefer
that we're anywhere but here.
- Oh... my...
- What did you do?
- Good thing we're not driving!
- You and me
have gotta get even with Gigi
'cause she's always
pulling pranks on me.
- Boo.
- Ah!
[singing operatically] Ah, ah!
- Good morning!
- Tammy!
[car horn honks]
- [cackles]
- You're gonna kill me.
- We could put baby powder
in her blow dryer.
- I don't know about that.
- I have another idea.
- What?
- We could replace
her chocolate ice cream
with refried beans.
- Oh, that would be funny
'cause it looks just like
chocolate ice cream.
It's gonna take both of us
to outsmart the master.
50/50, me and you.
- More like 80/20.
[dramatic musical sting]
- [maniacal laughter]
- [gasps] I want to eat that.
- Shh, do you hear Gigi?
- Yes.
- Where is she?
- Right there.
- Tell Gerald I want to know
if the horses were taken
to the show this weekend.
- She's going in the other room.
- Yeah, that sounds good.
- All right.
All right, good.
[giggles]
[chanting] Beans are good
for your heart.
The more you eat,
the more you fart.
- Is that supposed
to be good for you?
- [chuckles]
Here.
- Hey, what are you guys doing?
- Oh, she wanted some ice cream.
- You wanna get some?
- I'd like some in a little bit.
- Okay.
- All right.
- [snorts] She's history.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[funky music]
- ♪ Feisty, feisty,
yeah, we feisty ♪
♪ Feisty, feisty ♪
- Wow, nice.
- Cute.
- ♪ On this icy,
yeah, we do that mighty ♪
- Hi, ladies. both: Hi.
- This is amazing.
- We go to a lot of functions
as a family,
so I thought it'd be fun
to go and try on some dresses.
- I'm gonna try all of them on,
every one of them.
You think that'll be annoying?
- No, I think that's great.
It's fun to try on dresses
and just like...
- Be pretty.
- [laughs]
[exciting music]
[both gasp] Ooh.
- I love that.
- I freaking love that.
That's gorgeous.
Ooh, that's pretty. - Oh, wow.
That's different. It's cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. For sure.
Put that crown on back there.
[laughter]
- [gasps] Oh, my gosh!
- That looks heavy.
- Oh!
- Hello, ladies.
- Wow, that's really nice.
Oh, you look so fancy!
- I love it.
Absolutely stunning. Oh, my God.
Look at this one, guys. [gasps]
And I could wear this
for my reception.
- She's planning a wedding.
- I'm so glad we came.
- I didn't even know
they had wedding dresses here.
I feel like this is dangerous.
I mean, she doesn't even
have a ring yet.
I feel like she needs
to just chill.
- I'm gonna go ahead
and assume that Rachel knew
they had wedding dresses there.
- You think?
- Are you dating?
- Yes.
- Oh.
So you can tell if he's the one?
- Yes, he's for sure the one.
- Let me show you this one.
- [gasps]
Yeah, like I am obsessed.
Yes, yes.
- I think you should try it on
just for fun.
- I can't with that dress.
If you get married, you have
to get married in that dress.
And if not, I'll wear it.
- I know I'm jumping the gun
a little,
but Dustin and I are
gonna be together forever,
and that's what we talk about.
So why not buy the dress first?
I'm non-traditional.
[elegant music]
- Oh, my gosh!
- [screams]
[gasps] - That's gorgeous.
- I've never seen
a wedding dress like that ever.
- Oh, love it.
- Aw, God, I'm obsessed.
[sighs]
- And that dress is beautiful,
but I will say that Rachel
is jumping the gun.
- She wants to say yes.
- She wants to say yes
to that dress so bad.
[giggles]
- Guys, I think
this would be the one.
- We just need the ring.
- Yup.
- If Dustin knew what
we were doing right now,
he would literally think
we're psychos.
[melancholic music]
♪ ♪
- All right, gang,
where are we going exactly?
- So Rachel just texted
the address.
We're gonna go
to this open house.
Rachel's a real estate agent,
which is great for us
because we're looking
for a house.
- But nobody in their right mind
would pick Texas over Hawaii.
- There's just a lot of things
to talk about, and that's fine.
We'll call our therapist
and talk this over.
[both laugh]
- What do you have
against Texas anyway?
- Well, besides the heat,
snakes.
- I don't blame you
on the snakes.
I hate snakes.
- Wait, weren't you born
in Texas?
- I was, but we evacuated
right away.
- There's Rachel's car.
This is it.
- Maybe we could slow down
a little bit.
Oh, God. - [cackles]
- Whew, made it. Nice.
- Hi!
- Holy cow.
- You really found a good one.
- Hi.
- I want you here all the time,
so we have gotta make a plan
that we can get your dad here.
- Oh, I know one plan.
- What?
- Build your house
out of licorice.
- I can bribe him
with licorice, okay...
- And beer.
- [cackles]
[rock music]
- Look at the chandeliers.
- This is nice.
- It's great.
- You like it?
- This is where you work out.
- Pappy. That is too heavy.
- Show Pappy your push-ups.
One, two. Look at that form.
- Nice job.
- I found my room!
- The master.
- I think that's our room.
It's beautiful.
- Rachel, this is not
in the budget.
- Yeah, it is.
I said, "Show us the top
of our budget,
and the bottom of our budget."
This is the top.
- Noah, the only thing
to say is, "Can't afford it.
Great, babe." - Great, babe.
- Okay, do it again.
- Great, babe.
- No. [laughter]
- We can't afford it.
- I like "great, babe" better.
- Yeah, just stick to that one.
- I definitely see your point
in being here.
I just think that
the hard decision for me now
is that my whole family is
in Hawaii.
- I get it, but I've been there
for five years
with your family,
away from mine,
so what if we do
a five year, five year thing?
- Let's go back to Hawaii and
think about it for five years,
and then, we'll...
- That's not how that works.
- It's not?
- No.
It's the next chapter
in our life.
You know, I'm ready
to turn that page.
- I mean let's carry on.
- Okay. We'll keep looking.
- I'm not against it 100%.
- All right.
- Just 95.
- Okay, well, that's 5% less
than you were a week ago.
- So I'll take it.
- Yeah. Okay.
- Well, let's check out Zillow
and just see
what's around here
and the possibilities.
- Yeah.
- Here we go.
- That's pretty.
- I really like that.
- Big kitchen.
- Two ovens?
Two ovens, love it.
Oh, cool, a little
outdoor kitchen and a pool.
Let's see what the schools
look like here.
8/10, 10/10.
These are great schools!
- Yeah.
- Really good schools.
- Look right here, Noah.
- Dad, no!
No, seriously... [gasps]
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God, oh, my God.
- [laughs]
This is a beautiful house.
Beautiful listing.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Don't you think this would be
a good place for Dustin and I?
- I mean...
[mischievous music]
I thought we were here
for Lacey and Noah.
Now she's talking
about her and Dustin.
- I think Rachel sees
Lacey, and Noah, and the kids,
and the family element,
and that's the way she wants
to be in the near future.
- But don't you think that's
just a little bit too fast?
- For you or her?
- You think it's too fast?
[Biscuit growls]
- Have y'all been talking
about it?
- Yeah, I mean not long ago,
we were looking
at where we would want to live,
or what kind of ring
I would want,
and kind of talking
more seriously like that.
- Hmm.
- You sound real excited.
- No, well, babe, I haven't
been around him that much.
Look, we're having a barbecue
this weekend.
Just bring him out. - Okay.
- And he's your guy.
I wanna get to know him.
- Right.
- Justin?
- Dustin.
- Dustin.
Well, she seems to be in love.
You know, she's never told us
she loves this guy.
- It's been on Instagram.
[quirky music]
- Hmm?
- [laughs]
- At this stage in my life,
I don't have a lot of time
for these guys.
- His clock is ticking.
- My life clock is ticking away!
- God, trust me.
I feel your pain.
[laughter]
- Thank you.
- You want some ice cream,
right?
- No.
- I've never seen you
turn down ice cream.
[exciting music]
[laughter]
♪ ♪
- How many world titles,
though, does he have?
- Six, seven.
- Six?
Buddy...
How 'bout my boy, Scott?
Scotty, Scotty, Scotty.
And Scott likes to fish,
and play cards,
and we like to talk horses.
I love that guy.
Scotty, Scotty, Scotty.
[both laugh]
You're coming to the barbecue?
Lacey and Noah
are gonna be there.
Rachel is bringing Dustin.
- Lucky us.
- You don't like him, do you?
- I just don't get a good read.
[Buddy whinnies]
- That's what I said!
Rachel is so gung ho
about settling down,
but I'm not sure that Dustin
is on the same page.
I got some doubts
about this guy.
- You gotta let her
live her life.
- Do I?
- Your kids aren't 12.
[both laugh] - Ah, sh...
- When it comes
to doing stuff with us...
- It's totally different.
- He doesn't put in
a lot of effort,
I don't feel like.
- Put it this way:
he always makes sure he's there
when you're there.
When you're not there...
- He doesn't put in
a lot of effort.
- It's a different story.
- Well, then,
that is the first red flag.
- Exactly.
- Yeah, I just don't see him
wanting to settle down
and get serious
with really anybody.
When you are in a family
that has a famous parent,
it's hard to weed out people
that are in it
for the good of you, not
the good of who your dad is.
- Look, I'm sweating.
- Yeah, you're overheating.
Have some water.
- Hey, thank you, babe.
This is how
a relationship should be.
- Absolutely.
- Even helping you cool off
when it's really hot.
- You're sweating.
- What?
My favorite thing in the world
is to prank Terry.
- Oh, yeah, you got that right.
- I do it good, don't I?
- Too good.
I'll get you back.
- Oh, my gosh.
[funky music]
♪ ♪
- Smells good.
- Hey, is this a beautiful day,
or what?
- Beautiful.
- Got my family here...
and you, Dustin.
[shady music] - [chuckles]
- It's been a really long time
since I felt this way
for somebody,
so that's why it means
so much me
that my family really love him.
- Are y'all making
Bradshaw beans?
- Dustin's gonna be
the newest Bradshaw boy.
He's gotta learn how
to make the beans, right?
- In the Bradshaw house,
you gotta earn your keep.
- Hot, hot. Very hot.
Hey, Dustin, wanna give me
a hand with these beans?
- He is not even listening.
- Don't worry about my back.
I can handle it.
Do you really think that
Rachel loves this guy?
- Yeah?
- He's always smiling.
Got that... he have the big,
old bucky-doodle smile.
- That drives me crazy.
- Yeah, it drives me nuts too.
You might wanna watch that guy.
Always helping out,
aren't you, bub?
- Gotta earn my keep.
- Unlike some people
around here.
- Is he still
not doing anything?
- He's just sitting.
- Noah, you and I
did all the cooking.
I know one thing. - [groans]
- He's my man, right here.
- Oh, thanks, man.
You keep saying
sweet stuff like that,
and you might be
my favorite father-in-law.
- I'm pretty sure
he's your only...
[laughter]
- "Favorite father-in-law."
- If Noah, and Lacey,
and the grandkids,
they move to Texas,
we'll barbecue every weekend.
It's a chef dream
to have that barbecue pit,
and it's my dream
to have my own chef.
It's a perfect situation.
- Perfect.
Let's have some ice cream.
- Whoo!
Oh, perfect.
- Gigi's always
pulling pranks on me.
- Replace her chocolate
ice cream with refried beans.
- All right. And here we go.
- For you.
- Thank you, thank you.
- You want some ice cream,
right?
- No, no.
- Chocolate ice cream
on a hot day.
- Yeah.
- That sounds so good.
- I've never seen you
turn down ice cream.
- Just not in the...
- Are you sure there's
not something else?
- I like ice cream
later in the evening.
- Something else you might've
been thinking about?
- No, no.
- Maybe refried beans?
- No, bean... no.
I don't even... what
you're talking about.
- It's gonna take
a lot more work
to get something past me
than that.
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Take your glasses off.
Now tell me you don't know
what I'm talking about.
[laughter]
- You made Gigi mad
with the ice cream.
- I know.
- Now she's gonna prank you
even more.
- I know.
- Gigi's the prank master.
- I guarantee you,
I'll get you one day.
- We'll see. [laughter]
[pop music]
♪ ♪
- Hey, what's the name
of this bull?
- Bodacious.
- Whoa. Whoa!
Whoa, boy. Easy.
Hold it! Got it.
[laughter]
He's... he needs more air.
He's too soft.
- Is that the problem?
[laughter]
- My gosh.
[funky music]
Oh, ho, ho, ho!
Check out the beans.
- I saw you burnt
this one, though.
- Oh, so that's how this is.
[both laugh]
I got it.
Man, this look good.
- Y'all prepared a salad?
- Chicken.
- Family, love you all.
Not you, Dustin. all: Cheers.
- "Smiley."
That's probably
gonna be my nickname for him.
What's his last name? - Hughes.
- Smiley Hughes.
- There you go.
- [laughs]
That's actually a good name.
- I'll cheers myself.
[forced laughter]
[country music]
♪ ♪
- You go on dating apps?
- It's just fun to swipe.
- What? You swipe them?
- Dad...
- Did you meet him off this app?
- Actually...
- [screams, cackles]
[funky country music]
- TB here.
We're at the Bradshaw ranch
with... hey... [squeaks]
Hey. - What is that?
[laughs] - It's you.
♪ ♪
- Snoop! Hey, buddy.
- Hee-haw. Hee-haw.
- Look what I got.
You want a carrot, huh?
Hey!
- Watch out
for the donkey bites.
- Dadgummit.
- How do you think
it's going today?
How do you think Dustin's doing?
- He's all right, I guess.
It isn't whether
I like him or not.
It's whether you like him...
- I don't know.
It's like it's safe.
- Safe?
- Yeah.
- I never heard anybody say
they date somebody
'cause it's safe.
- I think safe is just like...
I mean I'm 32.
I'm ready to get married.
- Is he the one, you think?
- I think so.
- Wow.
She's crazy about this guy,
but I see
more of her running to him
than him running to her.
- Maybe he's just a little
overwhelmed by all of this,
walking into this...
- Family.
- Bradshaw world.
The world of Terry Bradshaw.
[giggles] - Oh, my gosh.
Are you part
of the Bradshaw Bunch, sugar?
Yes, you are, you little buddy.
- [laughs]
- I've erased my dating apps.
- Dating apps?
- Yeah.
- You go on dating apps?
- Yeah, it's just fun to swipe.
- What? You swipe them?
- Dad! Yes.
- Did you meet him off this app?
- Actually...
- Oh, my God.
- He contacted... no, get this.
- Ugh!
- So he finds me.
He knew who I was,
so he messaged Erin,
and was like, "I really wanna
get to know your sister."
But she already went to college
with him, so she knew him.
So it was safe.
- So you put all
your qualifications
and what you're looking for?
- Well, you can actually
pay extra to like...
- You pay? [screams, cackles]
God, Rachel.
What is wrong with you?
- I know.
- I gotta go get a drink.
- [laughs] Me too.
- Listen, baby.
I love you more
than anything in the world,
and nothing that
wouldn't honor me more
than to walk you down the aisle.
I want that for you 'cause
I know how bad you want it.
- Yeah.
- And if it doesn't work out,
then I'll be there for you
with ice cream and tequila.
- Perfect.
- Okay?
- Okay.
I love you, Dad. - I love you.
[hip-hop beats]
[dog yapping]
♪ ♪
Pretty cool, isn't it?
- What's that?
- Having all them here.
We're blessed.
Truly blessed.
I love you.
Seeing Rachel and Dustin today,
looking all cute and happy
and everything...
Maybe I was wrong.
- Wrong? Did you say wrong?
- Ah, maybe I was wrong.
- Maybe.
- Maybe.
- Should we get up and
walk off into the sunset now?
[giggles]
Oh, my God! - Oh, what?
What? Sh...!
Oh, sh...! Sh...!
(BLEEP). - What's the matter?
- That is not funny.
[laughter] Got me.
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- It's so pretty. [Lily barks]
- Lily, get back.
- Shh.
Dad messes with you a lot.
- He does.
- So Dad's got a circle,
and he only keeps
certain people in the circle.
It takes a lot of time
and a lot of energy
to get in the circle.
Once you're in, though,
you're there for life.
- [clears throat]
- Once you're in the circle,
then other things can happen!
Yay! - Like what?
- Like other things.
- More serious things. [giggles]
- Oh, my God.
[uplifting music]
- Last night,
we were underneath,
like, the best sunset ever.
It was romantic, and I was like,
"I'm just ready to take the
next step in our relationship.
We can talk about other things."
And he goes, "Oh, explain.
What other things?"
We've been together
a year and a half.
Like, I don't know...
Living together,
maybe getting married,
maybe having children.
- Is there, like,
any part of you that's like,
"Well, maybe this is,
like, a red flag?"
Just, like, moving forward
in general?
- Yup, and it's
really depressing.
I expect a lot,
and I deserve way better.
- Dustin bought you fake
flowers for Valentine's Day.
- That's true.
- Like, you...
- That's pretty bad.
I thought they were real
for, like, a week.
- You buy me fake flowers,
and I will skin you
and wear you like a fur.
Like, I would literally...
- I thought they were real.
I'm like, "These are
the most beautiful tropical"...
- I would geld you.
I'm gonna dig him a grave
and put him a big old stack
of fake blue bonnets on him.
- [gasps dramatically] Erin.
- [laughing] Like... sorry.
[laughter]
- I'll never forget the time
I was trying
to date Elizabeth Taylor.
One heartbreak after another.
- Isn't she dead? [both laugh]
[solemn music]
♪ ♪
- Dustin is kind of ignoring
me the past couple days,
and I need to talk to him.
I just do not have
a good feeling.
Hello?
Dustin, like, you know
what I want.
I've told you...
I've been honest upfront.
I wanna get married.
I want kids.
We've talked about it, though,
so all of a sudden,
now you don't want
any of those things.
Clearly not with me, so...
You're 32 years old,
and you can't...
Like, you don't know
what you want?
We were looking here at houses,
like, three months ago,
and now you're, like,
just over it?
It's so messed up.
[sniffles]
[sparse piano music]
[cows moo]
♪ ♪
Hey. - Hey.
Talk to me.
What happened?
- Last night,
Dustin broke up with me.
We had a conversation,
and everything that he said
was just questioning
what he wants.
And the past three months,
I just felt like
he was being a little distant.
Just weren't on the same page.
We're on different timelines.
He's just not there.
Like, he's not even close
to being where I wanna be.
I just tried on wedding
dresses, and I really thought,
"Oh, my God, I love him.
Oh, my God, he is the one."
And then, what a joke.
Like, seriously, what a joke.
- Baby, I'm sorry
it didn't work out.
I'm just wanting
to make sure you're okay.
- I mean, I'm disappointed
and I just feel like
I wasted a year and a half...
- No, no, no. You're not wasted.
There's no such thing
as wasted years
because you put your effort
into someone
that you thought
was the real deal,
so it's not wasted years.
What you just accumulated
was heartfelt knowledge.
It's easy for me to say,
but I've had more women
break up with me
than I ever thought
about breaking up with them.
And I'm gonna tell you,
it's a slam to your ego.
I'll never forget the time
I was trying
to date Elizabeth Taylor.
It was... one heartbreak
after another.
- Isn't she dead? [both laugh]
- Rachel is very much like me.
She falls hard, she falls fast,
and she commits everything
she has to a relationship.
She deserves to be in love,
and she deserves to move to
that next phase of her life.
Good riddance, Dustin.
See you later, bub.
[punctuating piano riff]
- Tequila and ice cream.
[laughter]
- ♪ Tequila ♪
both: ♪ And ice cream ♪
- ♪ They just seem right,
it seems ♪
both: ♪ Tequila ♪
♪ And ice cream ♪
[both laugh]
- Mm... ew, Dad, what's wrong
with your ice cream?
- Next time on
"The Bradshaw Bunch."
- I've been invited to
open up a new USO.
So we're all going
to Washington DC.
- Washington trip!
- Just me and the girls.
- I don't know.
I don't really want to go.
- My plan is to get Rachel
over that Dustin guy.
I mean, around all those
good lookin' Marines.
- The best way to get over one
is to get under one.
- What?!
The drill instructor
is gonna welcome us
in true military style.
- Hey, let's go. Get over here.
- Yes, sir!
- Answer, answer!
- What did I tell you not to do?
- Today?
- Yes, because of coronavirus?
You gotta... wait, you gotta...
No, that's not enough.
You gotta just keep rubbing.
- Hi!
I'm so excited for this date.
I'm sure Rachel would prefer
that we're anywhere but here.
- Oh... my...
- What did you do?
- Good thing we're not driving!