The Bradshaw Bunch (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 4 - A Few Good Men - full transcript
- What's all this for?
- Look.
- [gasps] It's the yellow
doll beach house!
- Cool.
- Huh?
- Are we gonna build it
- right now?
- We'll build it right now.
We're gonna build this house
as soon as Pappy finds
the instructions.
We've got screws.
We got lots of screws.
Awful lot of parts.
Holy cow, you got to have
an engineering degree.
- We don't have
- engineering degrees.
- Ah, no.
Then we're gonna head off
to the USO in Washington, D.C.
- Can I go to the USO?
- No, sweetie.
You're too young.
I'm gonna take Rachel with me
and find her a man.
My plan is to get Rachel
over to that Rustin guy...
Whatever his name is.
Do you hold Lorenzo's hand?
- I haven't seen him
in a long time.
- He's got another girl.
I can tell you that right now.
- If he does, I'm gonna have
a serious talk with him.
- [laughs]
All right, what
we need to start with
is number one.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[chatter]
[rock music]
- Hello, everybody.
- Well, hello, there.
- Hey.
- I feel kind of special
right now.
- Why?
- All together.
All: Why?
- I just got off the phone
- with the head
- of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
- Ooh.
- And I've been invited
to come and open up
a new USO facility
at the Quantico Marine Base.
- Wow.
- Nice!
- So we're all going
to Washington, D.C.
- Washington trip.
- So cool.
- That'll be fun.
- [laughter]
- God, no.
- Ha.
- I'm sorry.
- You guys, you're not going.
- You said we're all going.
- You said everybody.
- Aw.
- Just me and the girls.
- I think you need
- a bigger plane.
- Yeah, yeah.
[laughter]
- Tammy and I thought
it would be so good
- if the girls came with us,
- so they could see the USO,
- Meet all these great marines,
- and see how the military works.
After Rachel and Dustin
broke up,
I thought her going
to Quantico
- would be a good time
- for her to get away.
- You know,
- there's a lot of...
- Marines...
- A lot of marines.
- In really nice
- dress uniforms...
- Yes.
- That look really hot.
- Yeah.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, if I was young
or single.
- There you go again.
[both laughing]
- Noah, did you hear this?
- Yeah.
- Our wives around
a bunch of military dudes.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You can trust 'em, right?
- I mean, around all
- those good-looking marines?
- I'll be there!
[laughter]
- The big deal about opening up
the USO Center
is that they asked me to sing.
I don't know how to say this,
'cause, America, you just
don't know me as a singer.
- You know me as
- a football player,
But I've had albums out,
I have a show in Vegas.
I mean, I love to sing.
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Eeh ♪
♪ My wife said she loves me
and I was her feller ♪
If I get a chance
to sing in public,
I'm jumping all over it,
and to top it off,
we get to attend
a huge gala.
Gay-la?
Is it gay-la or gala?
- Is it gay-la or gala?
- It's gay-la. Gala.
We leave in two days.
- I can't go in two days.
- I have to work,
- so I'll meet you guys there,
- 'cause I'm not missing
- you sing.
- Another thing
is Ron Gronkowski's
gonna be singing
and working with me.
- You know his name is Rob
- not Ron?
- I didn't say Ron.
- I said Rob.
- You said Ron.
- Did I say Rob?
- I said Ron?
- You said Ron.
- Well, he ought to change it.
[both laughing]
Now, this is something
that nobody gets to do.
Nob... and I mean nobody
except your dad,
but what we're gonna do, girls,
- is we're gonna get a total tour
- of this base.
The drill instructor's
gonna welcome us
in true military style.
You girls are gonna participate
in hand-to-hand combat.
- We're gonna come back ninjas!
- That's a little scary.
- I don't really want to go.
- Why?
- Hey, listen,
you're gonna love this.
- I mean, that sounds fun, but,
- like, I'm just kind of down.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause we just broke up, and
- I'm just kind of sad, I guess.
- I think it'll be good
- for you,
- As scary as it'll be.
- Yeah.
- Get out of here.
- Go have fun.
- There's probably
- a lot of guys
In Washington, D.C., though.
- 2,500 of 'em.
- See?
- There you go.
- In military uniforms.
- Noah, you're in trouble.
- I know.
- Good job, my little helper.
You're doing great.
- You're welcome.
- Seriously, there's so many
single hot men in uniform.
- Just what we want to hear.
- You know what they say...
- "The best way to get over one
- is to get under one."
- So I'm thinking
- a military base...
- Hey!
- Whoo!
- A military base...
- Wow!
Stop!
What'd you just say?
- I want to go now.
- Oh, my gosh!
♪ ♪
- Right now I'm gonna go ahead
- and take you ladies and sir
To Staff Sergeant Davis.
- Look at this guy.
- Is he waiting on me?
- He's assigned to you.
- Hey, let's go.
- Get over here.
- Us.
- So you say, "Aye, sir."
- Yes, sir, aye!
- Let's go, let's go.
- Stand up straight
- and look at me.
- I say something to you,
- you say something back to me.
- Yes.
- "Aye, sir!"
- Aye, sir!
- This position is called
- the position of attention.
Say it.
- That means you say
- position of attention"!
- Aye, sir!
- Aye!
- What is the position called?
- Say it.
- Say it now!
- Yes, yes.
- Position of attention.
- What's the position called?
- Position of attention.
- Position of attention!
- Yes, Offi... yes.
- Aye, sir!
[laughter]
I'd make a terrible marine.
- Jerome Davis.
- Sir, how you doing?
- [laughs]
Oh, sh...
- Hi, I'm Rachel.
- I wouldn't be in here long.
- They'd just kick my ass out.
Am I through being screamed at?
- [laughs]
- It was impressive
how they can just
get down your throat.
It was quite an honor,
actually,
- to have your butt chewed out
- by this guy,
Who looked good.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I'm super happy
I made it to DC
just in time for the ceremony
and to see Dad sing.
- Erin made it.
- Hi!
♪ ♪
- Ladies and gentlemen,
two great USO volunteers...
Mr. Terry Bradshaw
and Mr. Rob Gronkowski.
- Thanks, Elaine.
- Thank you guys so much.
It's a pleasure to be here.
- Hey.
- And my favorite part
- every single year in the NFL
Was the month of November,
- where it was a salute
- to military.
My whole cast would be
suited up in army colors.
- Marine colors.
- He didn't mean that.
- Marine colors.
- He didn't mean that.
- You know what I mean.
- You know what I mean, so...
- [crowd jeering]
Just want to... marines!
[grunts]
[laughter]
We had a guy on our team
from the Army, you know?
Like, same thing.
- [crowd jeers]
- Same thing, kind of!
Now I messed up again!
I'm out of here!
[laughter]
- Let's do it.
- All right.
Both:
♪ God bless America ♪
♪ Land that I love ♪
♪ Stand beside her ♪
♪ And guide her ♪
♪ Through the night ♪
♪ With the light from above ♪
- I didn't know
that Rob Gronkowski
- was such... probably the worst
- singer in the whole world.
- Like, hands down,
probably one of the worst.
Both:
♪ My home sweet home ♪
[laughter,
[cheers, and applause]
both: [singing poorly]
♪ My home sweet ♪
♪ Home ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪
- Oh, I apologize for that.
[applause]
- Whoo!
- [laughs]
- I can't get over
- all those beautiful men.
There were some real lookers.
- Lacey and I weren't sure
- if we should flip
- our wedding rings around.
[energetic music]
♪ ♪
- Yes, you can.
- Yes.
- Don't embarrass him.
- Nah, it's cool.
[camera shutter clicking]
- What's your name?
- Matt.
- Matt?
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello, Matt.
[camera shutter clicking]
You know, Dad was right.
This is the perfect distraction
to forget what's going on
in my personal life.
- Being at marine base
- with a bunch of men in uniform,
It's pretty good medicine.
- This how we do it?
Like this?
- Oh, my God,
Dad with those scissors.
- So frickin' cool.
- One, two, three.
- Yeah.
[cheers and applause]
- Hoo-yeah!
Is that how you say it?
- What did I tell you
not to do?
- Today?
- Yes.
Because of coronavirus,
what did I say?
- Don't touch anybody.
- Exactly.
And what did you do?
♪ ♪
- Touched everybody.
- There's this thing,
the coronavirus,
and it's contagious.
You can't shake hands.
You can't hug.
You have to leave
everyone alone.
- It's really hard for me
- because...
- I know, you're a very
- touchy guy, yeah.
- I'm a touchy-feely... I am.
In a good way.
- Now, you got to...
Wait.
- You got to...
- No, that's not enough.
- You got to just...
- Oh!
- Just squirt!
- Oh, my God.
- Keep rubbing.
You got to rub until it's dry.
- But look at my clothes.
- Keep going.
- Rub them hard together.
Rub.
- I can't get over
- all those beautiful men.
- Was that Erin?
- Yeah.
There were some real lookers.
- Hard to come to an event
- like this when you're married.
- [laughs]
- My gosh.
- Lacey and I weren't sure
- if we should flip
- our wedding rings around.
- Oh, my God.
[laughter]
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- [gasps]
It's like boy shopping.
They're everywhere...
in uniforms.
- Today's gonna be
- a special day
- Because we're gonna experience
- the military life
- By hanging out
- with a bunch of marines.
Not everybody
gets to do this tour.
- And we get to do
- combat training.
- And a chance
- to fire some guns.
Gonna be so much fun.
- Welcome
- to Weapons Training Battalion.
Whose got some pent-up
aggression right now?
- Me, but I don't like guns.
- Rachel.
- Okay.
[gunfire]
- Golly!
Nice shot.
♪ ♪
- Aah!
- Nice, Rachel.
Dustin, did you get him?
- We have a whole box
- of Dustins
- If you want me
- to throw some more out.
- It's nice to just get away
- with family
And do something cool
and just be away.
- Yeah, I mean, what better
- place to get over a guy
Than a marine base?
- True.
- [laughs]
- This is serious.
- Ready?
[both screaming, laughter]
- Stop laughing.
This is serious.
Somebody hit somebody.
Rachel's track record
with guys she's dated has...
A lot of flags go up.
[laughs]
- But when this wonderful marine
- asked me
- If he could take
- my daughter out...
Oh, classy dude.
- That's the kind of guy
- I want her to be with.
- Yeah.
- Respect.
- Break.
Right there.
- Right on the top of the helmet
- right here.
- You're up.
- Mm-hmm.
- Whoo!
- Ready?
- Go, tiger!
- Get it!
- [screams]
- No, no, you don't scream.
- [screams]
- In, aggressive, smack her!
No, don't squeal!
Get in there!
- Oh, my...
- Break!
[laughter]
Winner.
- You got to be in shape
- for that.
- Here, I'll help you out.
- Thanks.
- I know
- it doesn't seem like it,
- But you looked really good
- out there.
- You promise?
- I promise you.
Both: Aw.
- My plan is working.
Rachel seems to be having
a good time.
Good riddance, Dustin.
See you later, bub.
- I was talking to your dad.
He said your single.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, he's so cute.
Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- And then, yeah,
- I think that'd be pretty cool.
- Okay.
I would love to.
- Oh, my God.
- He asked me out.
- Well, that didn't take long.
- Guess I still got it.
- Well, thank you for helping me.
- You're welcome.
- [laughs]
- Mmm.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, Dad, guess what.
That marine texted me.
I'm so excited for this date.
- I don't know what to expect,
- but I'm really excited.
Oh!
- What just happened?
- Shut up!
The bottom of her glass
just came out.
We're wearing a mojito.
[upbeat music]
- Thank you.
- Thank you all.
- Thank you, guys.
- It's been an awesome,
- awesome morning, awesome day.
Doing what little bit
we've done,
and I did nothing,
but it was pretty impressive.
- On behalf of the Martial
- Arts Center of Excellence,
- We'd like to give you
- one of our coins.
- [gasps]
- And thank you for your time.
- Thank you.
- He didn't do anything.
- Shut up.
- He didn't even...
- Why don't I get one?
- [laughter]
- I wanted my girls to meet
- The men and women
- that protect us,
And we even got a coin
to commiserate the experience.
"Commiserate"?
[both laughing]
- Commemorate.
Commiserate.
- There I go.
Every time I try to use
a big word...
[both laughing]
[country music]
- To commemorate today...
- Today.
- You got a coin.
- I got a coin.
I commiserated it.
[both laughing]
- Seeing what you guys do
and you do it with passion
and love
and you do it for us,
- you know, we're not here
- every day to see it
- Or every day to say thank you,
- so thanks for doing it...
A job that isn't
thanked enough.
- Good to get an idea,
a teeny, teeny idea
of what everybody does
and goes through.
- Yeah, and how
- we're not qualified.
- Absolutely.
- Exactly.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Look at the city.
♪ ♪
They said a Frenchman
designed this entire city,
- so it's very, like, European.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
[birds honking]
[phone chimes]
- The marine just texted me.
- [gasps]
Stop it.
- "Hey, Rachel, it's Dan, the
- marine from martial arts demo."
- Oh, hey, Dan.
- "It was really great
- to meet you
And hope to see you again."
- [squeals]
- Okay.
- Are you gonna respond?
- Yeah, I'll give it
- a few minutes.
- Oh!
- Not so eager.
- I'm excited.
- What do I say?
- You're asking
- the wrong person.
- I've been with the same guy
- for nine years.
I would probably be like, "So
what kind of dog do you have?"
- Oh, God, never mind.
- [laughs]
- Hey, you want to
- get over a breakup,
- Go hang out
- with a bunch of marines.
- No joke.
[soft music]
- Are we ready?
♪ ♪
- That's a big tower.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Oh, text him back!
- Yeah, did you text him?
- Oh, sh..., I forgot.
- Wait, you still
- haven't responded?
- He double texted you?
- Yeah, okay.
- What'd he say?
- "I'm actually going to be
- in D.C. tonight.
- Would you like to go out
- with me?"
[both screaming]
- What do I say?
- I don't know how to do this.
- I haven't dated in forever.
- Give me the phone!
- You got to do it for me.
- [gasps]
I love that Lacey's doing it.
- Yeah, we just need to take
- the reins on this one.
- I know, we'll take care
- of this for you.
- Yeah, you guys just do it
- for me.
- You're too fragile right now.
- [laughs]
- "Fragile"?
- You know, I just...
- I don't know how to flirt.
- Like, I don't know what to say.
- "Hey, nice shoes."
- I don't know.
- You're off to a good start.
- We got to, like,
- see where this is going.
- He's got confidence,
- so I'm feeling it,
- but I'm also a little scared.
"Hi, it was great
meeting you, too.
I had so much fun yesterday.
Would love to grab a drink."
- Oh, that's great!
- Okay.
- Sent.
- Sent?
- Sent!
- Done.
- [squeals]
[line trilling]
- Oh, Dad's calling me.
- There you go.
- There you go.
- Hey, Dad.
- What are you doing?
- Well, we just toured
- the Capitol.
- Oh, Dad, guess what.
- Yeah?
- That marine texted me.
- He's coming in town tonight.
He's gonna take her
for a drink.
- When one door closes,
- a window opens.
- Another one opens.
- Another one opens.
- We'll crack the window.
- Just crack the window.
- We'll just leave it cracked
- for a while.
- All right, we'll just open it
- a little bit.
- Just let a little air in.
- Slow your roll, Rachel.
Slow and steady wins the race.
- Got it.
I'm so excited for this date.
- I don't know what to expect,
- but I'm really excited.
- Yeah, I feel like this is
the time to forget your past,
forget about Dustin,
just live life.
He's checked a lot more boxes
than Dustin did
in 12 months, so...
- all: Love you.
- Bye-bye.
- It's gonna be
- so fun tonight.
- Mm-hmm!
- Ew, gross, they're kissing.
- You don't want to get
- some sugar?
[upbeat music]
- So excited!
- I'm excited!
- Party time!
- Whoo!
[cheering]
Tonight is Dad's USO gala,
and it's so exclusive
and fancy.
- We can't have cameras
- in there,
So smuggle our phones.
- You can't have your phones?
- No.
- Says who?
- I don't know.
- The government.
- Wow. I'll just put mine
in between my new ta-tas.
They'll never know.
- Got to put these bad boys
- to use.
- [laughs]
- What a great night.
What a great afternoon.
- I've been drinking
- for the moment.
[laughter and cheers]
Can you notice?
- You did so good.
- Kiss?
- Love you.
- Have fun tonight.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hi!
I thought that was really nice
- that Dan asked
- for your permission
To take me on a date.
- Hey.
- You are so sweet.
- Don't have too good a time.
- Don't forget I'm here
- watching you.
- Ew.
- [laughs]
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I'm sure Rachel would prefer
that we're anywhere but here,
- but, I mean, what else
- are we gonna do?
- We don't have
- our husbands here,
- So what better way
- to spend our evening
Than watching her blind date
- with a tall, hot, handsome,
- young marine?
This is better than Netflix.
[laughs]
- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
- You know what?
- We're gonna go down the menu.
We're gonna have every
rum drink on the menu.
- That's a terrible idea!
- How long
have you been a marine?
- So, in April,
- it'll be ten years.
- Wow.
- [glass shatters]
♪ ♪
- Oh!
- [speaks indistinctly]
- Oh, my...
- What did you do?
- Oh!
[laughter]
- What just happened?
- Shut up!
The bottom of her glass
just came out from the glass.
[laughter]
- Oh!
- Good thing we're not driving.
- Look.
- [laughs]
- Oh, my God.
So Lacey and Erin decided
to get wasted on my date.
Great job.
- I have mojito on my leg.
- What's going on over here?
- We're wearing a mojito.
- [laughs]
- Where are you from?
- Williamsburg, Virginia.
- You are?
- Yeah.
- What about you?
- I grew up in the Dallas area.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I've never been to Texas.
- You've never been to Texas?
- I know, I've never been.
- I hear all good things.
- You would love Texas.
- Yeah.
- I feel like
- I'm in high school,
Where you spill a drink.
- I'm at a keg party.
- Ugh.
- I didn't realize what all
you guys do every day, all day.
I mean, of course we were
having fun and all that.
- Yeah, especially, like,
putting all that gear on
- and going into the Octagon
- and fighting.
- [laughs]
- Like, you looked good
- out there.
- Oh, my God.
[both laughing]
I'm having so much fun.
- Just talking to Daniel, I feel
- like I've known him forever.
- You've known him
for, like, 42 minutes.
- Shh, shh.
- It's a bad idea.
- That's not a good look
- for an evening gown.
- So how do you think
- Rachel's date's going?
- I mean...
- Good.
- I think they're gonna
- get married.
- Get out of here.
[laughter]
- [speaks indistinctly]
- [both laugh]
- How many have you guys had?
- Well, we spilled half of them
- on the floor.
We should really go on dates
with other people more often.
- Okay, I'm gonna walk him out.
- Okay, bye.
- I don't know what
- will happen with Daniel,
But for the first time
in a long time,
I feel hopeful,
and he's... ing hot.
[laughs]
- Ew, gross, they're kissing.
- What's wrong with that?
- You don't want
- to get some sugar?
- Not yet, no.
- You don't want to...
- No?
- I'm seven years old!
Dad said I can do it
when I'm 43.
- [laughing]
- All right.
- God, I could hear y'all
the whole time.
I'm like, "What's happening?"
[laughter]
Y'all, he's so... ing cool.
- Yeah, I know.
- We lost you.
- I know.
- Cheers, y'all.
♪ ♪
- [laughs]
Oh!
- That Noah?
- That's you!
- Oh, oh!
- It's a filter!
- Got it.
- I'd be a pretty man.
- Found you a pretty guy
in Washington, D.C.
- Yeah, and I got a good date
- out of it.
- Yeah, you didn't kiss
- the guy, did you?
- Yeah.
- Got a pandemic going,
- sweetie.
- That's what you do on a date.
- You kiss?
- Kissing's like shaking hands.
- Kissing wasn't like shaking
hands when I was growing up.
- You just kiss.
- Hey, Pappy did good, huh?
- Did a little matchmaking there
- with Rachel,
And I got the girls
- to see what it's like
- in the military
- And thank them for the work
- that they've done
To keep us safe.
Secret handshake!
You ready?
Boom.
[laughs]
I told you if I got you there,
I'd get your mind off of Rusty.
- And I did it.
- It's Dustin.
- Dustin, Rustin, who cares?
[both laughing]
Oh, my God, Rachel.
That's terrible.
- Next time,
- on "The Bradshaw Bunch"...
- The whole country is shut down
- because of the Coronavirus.
Pack a bag and
let's all stay here, together.
- Oh, my God!
- I'll give you $100
- to eat one of those worms.
[shouting]
[gagging]
- Living here is gonna take
- some adjustments.
- The house is scary.
- It's haunted.
- I mean, the story of
- the little dead boy...
- It's here.
You can feel the coldness.
[screaming]
[laughing]
- So, Justin's having a baby.
- Wow.
- Don't let it
- harden your heart.
- Look.
- [gasps] It's the yellow
doll beach house!
- Cool.
- Huh?
- Are we gonna build it
- right now?
- We'll build it right now.
We're gonna build this house
as soon as Pappy finds
the instructions.
We've got screws.
We got lots of screws.
Awful lot of parts.
Holy cow, you got to have
an engineering degree.
- We don't have
- engineering degrees.
- Ah, no.
Then we're gonna head off
to the USO in Washington, D.C.
- Can I go to the USO?
- No, sweetie.
You're too young.
I'm gonna take Rachel with me
and find her a man.
My plan is to get Rachel
over to that Rustin guy...
Whatever his name is.
Do you hold Lorenzo's hand?
- I haven't seen him
in a long time.
- He's got another girl.
I can tell you that right now.
- If he does, I'm gonna have
a serious talk with him.
- [laughs]
All right, what
we need to start with
is number one.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
[chatter]
[rock music]
- Hello, everybody.
- Well, hello, there.
- Hey.
- I feel kind of special
right now.
- Why?
- All together.
All: Why?
- I just got off the phone
- with the head
- of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
- Ooh.
- And I've been invited
to come and open up
a new USO facility
at the Quantico Marine Base.
- Wow.
- Nice!
- So we're all going
to Washington, D.C.
- Washington trip.
- So cool.
- That'll be fun.
- [laughter]
- God, no.
- Ha.
- I'm sorry.
- You guys, you're not going.
- You said we're all going.
- You said everybody.
- Aw.
- Just me and the girls.
- I think you need
- a bigger plane.
- Yeah, yeah.
[laughter]
- Tammy and I thought
it would be so good
- if the girls came with us,
- so they could see the USO,
- Meet all these great marines,
- and see how the military works.
After Rachel and Dustin
broke up,
I thought her going
to Quantico
- would be a good time
- for her to get away.
- You know,
- there's a lot of...
- Marines...
- A lot of marines.
- In really nice
- dress uniforms...
- Yes.
- That look really hot.
- Yeah.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, if I was young
or single.
- There you go again.
[both laughing]
- Noah, did you hear this?
- Yeah.
- Our wives around
a bunch of military dudes.
- Yeah, yeah.
- You can trust 'em, right?
- I mean, around all
- those good-looking marines?
- I'll be there!
[laughter]
- The big deal about opening up
the USO Center
is that they asked me to sing.
I don't know how to say this,
'cause, America, you just
don't know me as a singer.
- You know me as
- a football player,
But I've had albums out,
I have a show in Vegas.
I mean, I love to sing.
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Eeh ♪
♪ My wife said she loves me
and I was her feller ♪
If I get a chance
to sing in public,
I'm jumping all over it,
and to top it off,
we get to attend
a huge gala.
Gay-la?
Is it gay-la or gala?
- Is it gay-la or gala?
- It's gay-la. Gala.
We leave in two days.
- I can't go in two days.
- I have to work,
- so I'll meet you guys there,
- 'cause I'm not missing
- you sing.
- Another thing
is Ron Gronkowski's
gonna be singing
and working with me.
- You know his name is Rob
- not Ron?
- I didn't say Ron.
- I said Rob.
- You said Ron.
- Did I say Rob?
- I said Ron?
- You said Ron.
- Well, he ought to change it.
[both laughing]
Now, this is something
that nobody gets to do.
Nob... and I mean nobody
except your dad,
but what we're gonna do, girls,
- is we're gonna get a total tour
- of this base.
The drill instructor's
gonna welcome us
in true military style.
You girls are gonna participate
in hand-to-hand combat.
- We're gonna come back ninjas!
- That's a little scary.
- I don't really want to go.
- Why?
- Hey, listen,
you're gonna love this.
- I mean, that sounds fun, but,
- like, I'm just kind of down.
- Yeah.
- 'Cause we just broke up, and
- I'm just kind of sad, I guess.
- I think it'll be good
- for you,
- As scary as it'll be.
- Yeah.
- Get out of here.
- Go have fun.
- There's probably
- a lot of guys
In Washington, D.C., though.
- 2,500 of 'em.
- See?
- There you go.
- In military uniforms.
- Noah, you're in trouble.
- I know.
- Good job, my little helper.
You're doing great.
- You're welcome.
- Seriously, there's so many
single hot men in uniform.
- Just what we want to hear.
- You know what they say...
- "The best way to get over one
- is to get under one."
- So I'm thinking
- a military base...
- Hey!
- Whoo!
- A military base...
- Wow!
Stop!
What'd you just say?
- I want to go now.
- Oh, my gosh!
♪ ♪
- Right now I'm gonna go ahead
- and take you ladies and sir
To Staff Sergeant Davis.
- Look at this guy.
- Is he waiting on me?
- He's assigned to you.
- Hey, let's go.
- Get over here.
- Us.
- So you say, "Aye, sir."
- Yes, sir, aye!
- Let's go, let's go.
- Stand up straight
- and look at me.
- I say something to you,
- you say something back to me.
- Yes.
- "Aye, sir!"
- Aye, sir!
- This position is called
- the position of attention.
Say it.
- That means you say
- position of attention"!
- Aye, sir!
- Aye!
- What is the position called?
- Say it.
- Say it now!
- Yes, yes.
- Position of attention.
- What's the position called?
- Position of attention.
- Position of attention!
- Yes, Offi... yes.
- Aye, sir!
[laughter]
I'd make a terrible marine.
- Jerome Davis.
- Sir, how you doing?
- [laughs]
Oh, sh...
- Hi, I'm Rachel.
- I wouldn't be in here long.
- They'd just kick my ass out.
Am I through being screamed at?
- [laughs]
- It was impressive
how they can just
get down your throat.
It was quite an honor,
actually,
- to have your butt chewed out
- by this guy,
Who looked good.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- I'm super happy
I made it to DC
just in time for the ceremony
and to see Dad sing.
- Erin made it.
- Hi!
♪ ♪
- Ladies and gentlemen,
two great USO volunteers...
Mr. Terry Bradshaw
and Mr. Rob Gronkowski.
- Thanks, Elaine.
- Thank you guys so much.
It's a pleasure to be here.
- Hey.
- And my favorite part
- every single year in the NFL
Was the month of November,
- where it was a salute
- to military.
My whole cast would be
suited up in army colors.
- Marine colors.
- He didn't mean that.
- Marine colors.
- He didn't mean that.
- You know what I mean.
- You know what I mean, so...
- [crowd jeering]
Just want to... marines!
[grunts]
[laughter]
We had a guy on our team
from the Army, you know?
Like, same thing.
- [crowd jeers]
- Same thing, kind of!
Now I messed up again!
I'm out of here!
[laughter]
- Let's do it.
- All right.
Both:
♪ God bless America ♪
♪ Land that I love ♪
♪ Stand beside her ♪
♪ And guide her ♪
♪ Through the night ♪
♪ With the light from above ♪
- I didn't know
that Rob Gronkowski
- was such... probably the worst
- singer in the whole world.
- Like, hands down,
probably one of the worst.
Both:
♪ My home sweet home ♪
[laughter,
[cheers, and applause]
both: [singing poorly]
♪ My home sweet ♪
♪ Home ♪
- ♪ Ah ♪
- Oh, I apologize for that.
[applause]
- Whoo!
- [laughs]
- I can't get over
- all those beautiful men.
There were some real lookers.
- Lacey and I weren't sure
- if we should flip
- our wedding rings around.
[energetic music]
♪ ♪
- Yes, you can.
- Yes.
- Don't embarrass him.
- Nah, it's cool.
[camera shutter clicking]
- What's your name?
- Matt.
- Matt?
- Nice to meet you.
- Hello, Matt.
[camera shutter clicking]
You know, Dad was right.
This is the perfect distraction
to forget what's going on
in my personal life.
- Being at marine base
- with a bunch of men in uniform,
It's pretty good medicine.
- This how we do it?
Like this?
- Oh, my God,
Dad with those scissors.
- So frickin' cool.
- One, two, three.
- Yeah.
[cheers and applause]
- Hoo-yeah!
Is that how you say it?
- What did I tell you
not to do?
- Today?
- Yes.
Because of coronavirus,
what did I say?
- Don't touch anybody.
- Exactly.
And what did you do?
♪ ♪
- Touched everybody.
- There's this thing,
the coronavirus,
and it's contagious.
You can't shake hands.
You can't hug.
You have to leave
everyone alone.
- It's really hard for me
- because...
- I know, you're a very
- touchy guy, yeah.
- I'm a touchy-feely... I am.
In a good way.
- Now, you got to...
Wait.
- You got to...
- No, that's not enough.
- You got to just...
- Oh!
- Just squirt!
- Oh, my God.
- Keep rubbing.
You got to rub until it's dry.
- But look at my clothes.
- Keep going.
- Rub them hard together.
Rub.
- I can't get over
- all those beautiful men.
- Was that Erin?
- Yeah.
There were some real lookers.
- Hard to come to an event
- like this when you're married.
- [laughs]
- My gosh.
- Lacey and I weren't sure
- if we should flip
- our wedding rings around.
- Oh, my God.
[laughter]
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- [gasps]
It's like boy shopping.
They're everywhere...
in uniforms.
- Today's gonna be
- a special day
- Because we're gonna experience
- the military life
- By hanging out
- with a bunch of marines.
Not everybody
gets to do this tour.
- And we get to do
- combat training.
- And a chance
- to fire some guns.
Gonna be so much fun.
- Welcome
- to Weapons Training Battalion.
Whose got some pent-up
aggression right now?
- Me, but I don't like guns.
- Rachel.
- Okay.
[gunfire]
- Golly!
Nice shot.
♪ ♪
- Aah!
- Nice, Rachel.
Dustin, did you get him?
- We have a whole box
- of Dustins
- If you want me
- to throw some more out.
- It's nice to just get away
- with family
And do something cool
and just be away.
- Yeah, I mean, what better
- place to get over a guy
Than a marine base?
- True.
- [laughs]
- This is serious.
- Ready?
[both screaming, laughter]
- Stop laughing.
This is serious.
Somebody hit somebody.
Rachel's track record
with guys she's dated has...
A lot of flags go up.
[laughs]
- But when this wonderful marine
- asked me
- If he could take
- my daughter out...
Oh, classy dude.
- That's the kind of guy
- I want her to be with.
- Yeah.
- Respect.
- Break.
Right there.
- Right on the top of the helmet
- right here.
- You're up.
- Mm-hmm.
- Whoo!
- Ready?
- Go, tiger!
- Get it!
- [screams]
- No, no, you don't scream.
- [screams]
- In, aggressive, smack her!
No, don't squeal!
Get in there!
- Oh, my...
- Break!
[laughter]
Winner.
- You got to be in shape
- for that.
- Here, I'll help you out.
- Thanks.
- I know
- it doesn't seem like it,
- But you looked really good
- out there.
- You promise?
- I promise you.
Both: Aw.
- My plan is working.
Rachel seems to be having
a good time.
Good riddance, Dustin.
See you later, bub.
- I was talking to your dad.
He said your single.
- Yeah.
Oh, my God, he's so cute.
Oh, really?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- And then, yeah,
- I think that'd be pretty cool.
- Okay.
I would love to.
- Oh, my God.
- He asked me out.
- Well, that didn't take long.
- Guess I still got it.
- Well, thank you for helping me.
- You're welcome.
- [laughs]
- Mmm.
[upbeat music]
- Oh, Dad, guess what.
That marine texted me.
I'm so excited for this date.
- I don't know what to expect,
- but I'm really excited.
Oh!
- What just happened?
- Shut up!
The bottom of her glass
just came out.
We're wearing a mojito.
[upbeat music]
- Thank you.
- Thank you all.
- Thank you, guys.
- It's been an awesome,
- awesome morning, awesome day.
Doing what little bit
we've done,
and I did nothing,
but it was pretty impressive.
- On behalf of the Martial
- Arts Center of Excellence,
- We'd like to give you
- one of our coins.
- [gasps]
- And thank you for your time.
- Thank you.
- He didn't do anything.
- Shut up.
- He didn't even...
- Why don't I get one?
- [laughter]
- I wanted my girls to meet
- The men and women
- that protect us,
And we even got a coin
to commiserate the experience.
"Commiserate"?
[both laughing]
- Commemorate.
Commiserate.
- There I go.
Every time I try to use
a big word...
[both laughing]
[country music]
- To commemorate today...
- Today.
- You got a coin.
- I got a coin.
I commiserated it.
[both laughing]
- Seeing what you guys do
and you do it with passion
and love
and you do it for us,
- you know, we're not here
- every day to see it
- Or every day to say thank you,
- so thanks for doing it...
A job that isn't
thanked enough.
- Good to get an idea,
a teeny, teeny idea
of what everybody does
and goes through.
- Yeah, and how
- we're not qualified.
- Absolutely.
- Exactly.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Look at the city.
♪ ♪
They said a Frenchman
designed this entire city,
- so it's very, like, European.
- Oh.
♪ ♪
[birds honking]
[phone chimes]
- The marine just texted me.
- [gasps]
Stop it.
- "Hey, Rachel, it's Dan, the
- marine from martial arts demo."
- Oh, hey, Dan.
- "It was really great
- to meet you
And hope to see you again."
- [squeals]
- Okay.
- Are you gonna respond?
- Yeah, I'll give it
- a few minutes.
- Oh!
- Not so eager.
- I'm excited.
- What do I say?
- You're asking
- the wrong person.
- I've been with the same guy
- for nine years.
I would probably be like, "So
what kind of dog do you have?"
- Oh, God, never mind.
- [laughs]
- Hey, you want to
- get over a breakup,
- Go hang out
- with a bunch of marines.
- No joke.
[soft music]
- Are we ready?
♪ ♪
- That's a big tower.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Oh, text him back!
- Yeah, did you text him?
- Oh, sh..., I forgot.
- Wait, you still
- haven't responded?
- He double texted you?
- Yeah, okay.
- What'd he say?
- "I'm actually going to be
- in D.C. tonight.
- Would you like to go out
- with me?"
[both screaming]
- What do I say?
- I don't know how to do this.
- I haven't dated in forever.
- Give me the phone!
- You got to do it for me.
- [gasps]
I love that Lacey's doing it.
- Yeah, we just need to take
- the reins on this one.
- I know, we'll take care
- of this for you.
- Yeah, you guys just do it
- for me.
- You're too fragile right now.
- [laughs]
- "Fragile"?
- You know, I just...
- I don't know how to flirt.
- Like, I don't know what to say.
- "Hey, nice shoes."
- I don't know.
- You're off to a good start.
- We got to, like,
- see where this is going.
- He's got confidence,
- so I'm feeling it,
- but I'm also a little scared.
"Hi, it was great
meeting you, too.
I had so much fun yesterday.
Would love to grab a drink."
- Oh, that's great!
- Okay.
- Sent.
- Sent?
- Sent!
- Done.
- [squeals]
[line trilling]
- Oh, Dad's calling me.
- There you go.
- There you go.
- Hey, Dad.
- What are you doing?
- Well, we just toured
- the Capitol.
- Oh, Dad, guess what.
- Yeah?
- That marine texted me.
- He's coming in town tonight.
He's gonna take her
for a drink.
- When one door closes,
- a window opens.
- Another one opens.
- Another one opens.
- We'll crack the window.
- Just crack the window.
- We'll just leave it cracked
- for a while.
- All right, we'll just open it
- a little bit.
- Just let a little air in.
- Slow your roll, Rachel.
Slow and steady wins the race.
- Got it.
I'm so excited for this date.
- I don't know what to expect,
- but I'm really excited.
- Yeah, I feel like this is
the time to forget your past,
forget about Dustin,
just live life.
He's checked a lot more boxes
than Dustin did
in 12 months, so...
- all: Love you.
- Bye-bye.
- It's gonna be
- so fun tonight.
- Mm-hmm!
- Ew, gross, they're kissing.
- You don't want to get
- some sugar?
[upbeat music]
- So excited!
- I'm excited!
- Party time!
- Whoo!
[cheering]
Tonight is Dad's USO gala,
and it's so exclusive
and fancy.
- We can't have cameras
- in there,
So smuggle our phones.
- You can't have your phones?
- No.
- Says who?
- I don't know.
- The government.
- Wow. I'll just put mine
in between my new ta-tas.
They'll never know.
- Got to put these bad boys
- to use.
- [laughs]
- What a great night.
What a great afternoon.
- I've been drinking
- for the moment.
[laughter and cheers]
Can you notice?
- You did so good.
- Kiss?
- Love you.
- Have fun tonight.
[electronic music]
♪ ♪
- Hi!
I thought that was really nice
- that Dan asked
- for your permission
To take me on a date.
- Hey.
- You are so sweet.
- Don't have too good a time.
- Don't forget I'm here
- watching you.
- Ew.
- [laughs]
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I'm sure Rachel would prefer
that we're anywhere but here,
- but, I mean, what else
- are we gonna do?
- We don't have
- our husbands here,
- So what better way
- to spend our evening
Than watching her blind date
- with a tall, hot, handsome,
- young marine?
This is better than Netflix.
[laughs]
- Here you go.
- Thank you so much.
- You're welcome.
- You know what?
- We're gonna go down the menu.
We're gonna have every
rum drink on the menu.
- That's a terrible idea!
- How long
have you been a marine?
- So, in April,
- it'll be ten years.
- Wow.
- [glass shatters]
♪ ♪
- Oh!
- [speaks indistinctly]
- Oh, my...
- What did you do?
- Oh!
[laughter]
- What just happened?
- Shut up!
The bottom of her glass
just came out from the glass.
[laughter]
- Oh!
- Good thing we're not driving.
- Look.
- [laughs]
- Oh, my God.
So Lacey and Erin decided
to get wasted on my date.
Great job.
- I have mojito on my leg.
- What's going on over here?
- We're wearing a mojito.
- [laughs]
- Where are you from?
- Williamsburg, Virginia.
- You are?
- Yeah.
- What about you?
- I grew up in the Dallas area.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- I've never been to Texas.
- You've never been to Texas?
- I know, I've never been.
- I hear all good things.
- You would love Texas.
- Yeah.
- I feel like
- I'm in high school,
Where you spill a drink.
- I'm at a keg party.
- Ugh.
- I didn't realize what all
you guys do every day, all day.
I mean, of course we were
having fun and all that.
- Yeah, especially, like,
putting all that gear on
- and going into the Octagon
- and fighting.
- [laughs]
- Like, you looked good
- out there.
- Oh, my God.
[both laughing]
I'm having so much fun.
- Just talking to Daniel, I feel
- like I've known him forever.
- You've known him
for, like, 42 minutes.
- Shh, shh.
- It's a bad idea.
- That's not a good look
- for an evening gown.
- So how do you think
- Rachel's date's going?
- I mean...
- Good.
- I think they're gonna
- get married.
- Get out of here.
[laughter]
- [speaks indistinctly]
- [both laugh]
- How many have you guys had?
- Well, we spilled half of them
- on the floor.
We should really go on dates
with other people more often.
- Okay, I'm gonna walk him out.
- Okay, bye.
- I don't know what
- will happen with Daniel,
But for the first time
in a long time,
I feel hopeful,
and he's... ing hot.
[laughs]
- Ew, gross, they're kissing.
- What's wrong with that?
- You don't want
- to get some sugar?
- Not yet, no.
- You don't want to...
- No?
- I'm seven years old!
Dad said I can do it
when I'm 43.
- [laughing]
- All right.
- God, I could hear y'all
the whole time.
I'm like, "What's happening?"
[laughter]
Y'all, he's so... ing cool.
- Yeah, I know.
- We lost you.
- I know.
- Cheers, y'all.
♪ ♪
- [laughs]
Oh!
- That Noah?
- That's you!
- Oh, oh!
- It's a filter!
- Got it.
- I'd be a pretty man.
- Found you a pretty guy
in Washington, D.C.
- Yeah, and I got a good date
- out of it.
- Yeah, you didn't kiss
- the guy, did you?
- Yeah.
- Got a pandemic going,
- sweetie.
- That's what you do on a date.
- You kiss?
- Kissing's like shaking hands.
- Kissing wasn't like shaking
hands when I was growing up.
- You just kiss.
- Hey, Pappy did good, huh?
- Did a little matchmaking there
- with Rachel,
And I got the girls
- to see what it's like
- in the military
- And thank them for the work
- that they've done
To keep us safe.
Secret handshake!
You ready?
Boom.
[laughs]
I told you if I got you there,
I'd get your mind off of Rusty.
- And I did it.
- It's Dustin.
- Dustin, Rustin, who cares?
[both laughing]
Oh, my God, Rachel.
That's terrible.
- Next time,
- on "The Bradshaw Bunch"...
- The whole country is shut down
- because of the Coronavirus.
Pack a bag and
let's all stay here, together.
- Oh, my God!
- I'll give you $100
- to eat one of those worms.
[shouting]
[gagging]
- Living here is gonna take
- some adjustments.
- The house is scary.
- It's haunted.
- I mean, the story of
- the little dead boy...
- It's here.
You can feel the coldness.
[screaming]
[laughing]
- So, Justin's having a baby.
- Wow.
- Don't let it
- harden your heart.